Posted 9/30/2003 11:45:00 AM by Douglas

Ten technologies that need to die. This guy is out of his freakin' mind, but then again, he's from The People's Republic of Austin:

• Nuclear Weapons
  
• Coal-Based Power
  
• The Internal-Combustion Engine
  
• Incandescent Light Bulbs
  
• Land Mines
  
• Manned Spaceflight
  
• Prisons
  
• Cosmetic Implants
  
• Lie Detectors
  
• DVDs
  

I haven't seen a Conestoga wagon in quite a long time, and there's a reason for that: There is a suitable replacement for them that makes a Conestoga wagon look like, well, a Conestoga Wagon. Just about everything, including technology, has drawbacks. (Newsflash: It's not a perfect world!)

It's easy to point out the shortcoming of the seemingly antiquated technology that makes our world run. It's quite another to invent, develop, and make widely available, a suitable replacement.

Nuclear Weapons. More bang for the buck. Sure there's lots of items in the "con" column, but we have the luxury of living in the most powerful nation on earth, and however ugly that may be, much of that power was brought about after WWII by having, and not using, the bomb. Let's not forget who let the fissionable cat out of the bag in the first place.

Coal-Based Power. It's dirty. Acid rain is bad. Would anyone argue that it's not? Imagine this country using 80% less electricity, because that's what we'd be forced to do without coal. Is there some lobbyist from "big coal" that's making everyone use all that electricity? I didn't think so. If there was better alternative, why wouldn't we already be using it?

The Internal-Combustion Engine. The thing about people bitching about stuff like the ICE that ticks me off is that they are always the ones taking advantage of their convenience. What's the alternative, 20,000 horses in downtown Austin crapping all over the place? And if I hear the phrase "they need to be replaced by hydrogen and fuel cells" again, I think I'm going to spit up. Where the hell do you think Hydrogen comes from? The Hydrogen you get from breaking down water or Methane is easily twice the energy you could use in an electric car or, you guessed it, an internal combustion engine! It's called Thermodynamics, people, and probably available at your local library.

Incandescent Light Bulbs. Actually, about 97% the energy fed to light bulbs goes to waste heat. Florescent bulbs are more efficient, but they suck for your eyes. If there's a better alternative out there, I'm sure we'd all love to hear about it.

Land mines. Again, they suck; who would argue that? But we have the luxury of not being really, really pissed off at someone that's trying to kill us. When someone's marching across a field to kill you, you'd appreciate a land mine or two. It sucks that they're so cheap and prevalent, but most of the world can't afford GPS-guided bombs.

Manned Spaceflight. Touchy subject. I think we've reached the limit of what we can learn in low-Earth Orbit, but this subject has many sides that I don't want to get into. In this case, I think it's easier to keep going than it is to stop. After all, the government totally supports AmTrack, and they're not nearly as cool.

Prisons. Wouldn't be nice if everyone did what they were supposed to? There's no joy in locking up humans like a rabid dogs. I wouldn't argue with the fact that prisons are filled with many non-violent offenders (a product of stupid drug laws), but if you want to let a double murderer/rapists out on the streets at the mercy of a radio anklet, how about we put him in your neighborhood?

Cosmetic Implants. This is just stupid. I don't care if the tissue is of human origin grown in a petri dish. This is just something you shouldn't mess with.

Lie Detectors. Lie detectors are known to be unreliable, and that's why they are inadmissible in a criminal trial. But more often than not, they are a tool used by police in an interrogation to get the suspect to say something they don't really want to say. They don't really detect lies. Did you hear the one about the guy that was being questioned in front of a copier? The cops put a piece of paper on it that said "You're lying" and told the guy it was a lie detector. Every time he said something fishy, the cop hit the copy button, and out came a piece of paper that said "You're lying". He cracked, and spilled his guts. That's how it works, and they's why it's usefull.

DVDs. I don't know about the piracy issue (since I don't know how to copy DVDs) but as far as durability? No, you can't scrub the sink with them or play catch with your dog, but they are certainly more durable than a VHS tape. My 10 year old CDs are in a lot better shape than my VHS copy of Raising Arizona.

Just like anything else, some technology is bad, and some is good, and sometimes even the good stuff creates as many problems as it solves. But that's the mark of really good technology: It makes its predecessor go away so fast you forgot it was even around. And these problems don't get solved by wishing them away. This article reminds me of The Simpson's episode when Ed Begley, Jr. had a car powered by his own sense of self worth.

Posted 9/28/2003 11:31:00 PM by Douglas

The oft misunderstood barking rodent, the Prairie Dog.

Posted 9/28/2003 11:04:00 PM by Douglas

The top 100 documents that shaped America. Fascinating list, but the whole "list" format is getting a bit old. And to put The Constitution on the same plate as the establishment of the Peace Corps is well, pretty farking embarrassing.

And not for the Peace Corps.

Posted 9/28/2003 10:58:00 PM by Douglas

"We drink more soda than water." 6 Billion gallons of this crap in America alone? That's about 2 gallons for every man, woman, and child, regardless of age, per month! Doesn't anyone drink beer anymore? I'm sure it's better for you than this crap.

Posted 9/28/2003 10:40:00 PM by Douglas

OK, Dave, you're going to love this one: How to measure the speed of light with your microwave and some chocolate. It makes that Millikan oil-drop experiment look like a piece of crap. Where's my Nobel Prize? Oh yeah; It's holding up the short leg of my couch. . . .

Posted 9/28/2003 10:26:00 PM by Douglas

How on earth could you possibly asses percentages of culpability of a murder? These are the things our federal judges have to do all the time, and with decisions like this, it's no wonder we all think they're idiots. Only 70% of the responsibility for the murder went to the freakin' murderer!!!!! How could it possibly be 20% the fault of the manufacturer of the ankle monitor, and still be 10% the fault of the victim? Why not sue the gun manufacturer, or the distillery that got the victim drunk???

I'm sure we'll hear more of this. . . .

Posted 9/25/2003 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Posted 9/24/2003 09:11:00 AM by Douglas

I just love stories about banned books in public school libraries. Here's the kicker:

“If literary works that are duly selected by English teaching professionals are removed because the works offend particular individuals or groups, there will soon be little or no literature left to teach in our schools.”

Riiiight. I can see it now. Library shelves totally devoid of anything except for a copy of the King James Bible that has Genesis 19 removed because someone objected to the drunken incestuous sex Lot had with his daughters.

Communities have every right to determine what they think is acceptable, especially when they're the ones footing the bill. The Government prohibiting you from reading what you want is censorship. The government failing to provide it for you free of charge doesn't even come close. Take your credit card to Amazon.com and get whatever your heart desires.

Posted 9/23/2003 08:09:00 AM by Douglas

I've often wondered why anyone would obfuscate part of their license plate for the sake of their car dealer's phone number. Now I find out it's illegal.

". . . that could be a ticketable offense. Not saying it will be, but it could be."

Sounds like an excuse for cops to claim probable cause for pulling over anyone with any kind of license plate frame.

Posted 9/23/2003 08:08:00 AM by Douglas

When confronting an "ornery steer" on a highway in West Texas, don't get off your motorcycle.

Posted 9/22/2003 09:25:00 PM by Douglas

The U-Drop-Inn is back in business, it seems (w/ picts!). Will they have rhubarb pie? Only time will tell.

Posted 9/22/2003 09:19:00 PM by Douglas

That's a lot of pussy. Oddly enough, in Jeff Dahmer's hometown, this isn't that shocking.

Posted 9/21/2003 11:11:00 PM by Douglas

Sunday night, time of some Faulkner, Yoknapatawpha County, and the turning point in War of Northern Aggresion. This one's beautiful, and probably the best "what if" of all Southern literature:

For every Southern boy fourteen years old, not once but whenever he wants it, there is the instant when it's still not yet two o'clock on that July afternoon in 1863, the brigades are in position behind the rail fence, the guns are laid and ready in the woods and the furled flags are already loosened to break out and Pickett himself with his long oiled ringlets and his hat in one hand probably and his sword in the other looking up the hill waiting for Longstreet to give the word and it's all in the balance, it hasn't happened yet, it hasn't even begun yet, it not only hasn't begun yet but there is stll time for it not to begin against that position and those circumstances which made more men than Garnett and Kemper and Armstead and Wilcox look grave yet it's going to begin, we all know that, we have come too far with too much at stake and that moment doesn't need even a fourteen-year-old boy to think This time. Maybe this time with all this much to lose and all this much to gain: Pennsylvania, Maryland, the world, the golden dome of Washington itself to crown with desperate and unbelievable victory the desperate gamble, the cast made two years ago....

Indeed

Posted 9/21/2003 10:25:00 PM by Douglas

Nothing says the winning of hearts and mind like this subtle little number. Uh, maybe I'm missing something, but is the idea to not show that American Imperialism is everywhere and you can't resist? Maybe orange isn't the color for a water tower in Mosul. Ok, burnt orange, I can understand, but that's not even the right "T".

Posted 9/21/2003 10:21:00 PM by Douglas

Just when you thought these guys were the dumbest indiscriminate killers of animals, they get one-upped by our valiant servicemen in Iraq. Shooting a tiger after you put your arm though the cage? And you're drunk? Hate to say it, but I'm rootin' for the tiger.

Posted 9/19/2003 01:16:00 PM by Douglas

thanks, dave

Posted 9/19/2003 01:14:00 PM by Douglas

Cell phone companies suck ass, and here's further proof. If they're so competitive, then why is every thing about their plans so damn confusing?

"About 154 million people, or 54% of the U.S. market, have cell phones."

So 154 Million is 54% of the cell phone market? The entire 285 million population is a potential cell phone customer? That means every incarcerated felon, everyone over the age of 80 and under 10 that don't know what a cell phone is, and indigents sitting in a pile of their own poop are potential cell phone customers? That explains a lot about all my dropped calls and dealing with their customer service.

Posted 9/19/2003 08:37:00 AM by Douglas

David Gelernter strikes a pretty interesting comparison between 1939 and today, and why in 1939 it was perfectly acceptable to have a sign in New York City that said "Dynamite Stored Here - Danger Explosives Danger"

"Doing as you ought was not the only virtue and does not, all by itself, explain all those house calls or train porters. But it offers one clue to the logic of a society that seems, in certain ways, to have functioned more humanely than ours."

As he states, these changes don't happen in a vacuum, and there are thousands of culprits that can be blamed for this change, but the greatest is the total lack of shame.

"I claim that the continual practice of proper behavior on an endless succession of trivial, meaningless occasions makes a person at least a bit more apt to act properly when the chips are down. I claim that all the little oughts late thirties society treasured are one cause of the huge divide in social character between that era and this."

Who could argue with that?

Posted 9/19/2003 07:02:00 AM by Douglas

Women are more fertile if they drink wine, or do they just get pregnant more often? They're certainly more fun than their "teetotaling sisters."

Reminds me of one of Kevin Nelon's SNL joke on Weekend Update:
"Researchers have released a version of the female condom that's 99% effective against pregnancy. It fits securely over her wine glass."

Posted 9/18/2003 02:55:00 PM by Douglas

How is NASA holding on to the public trust in one of their darkest hours? How are they reassuring the American people that they are still the forefront of scientific technology and engineering innovation? With 40 year old technology, of course.

Nothing says "we're still in the game" like starting over.

Posted 9/16/2003 07:24:00 AM by Douglas

Shaky town can't be San Francisco, because I One-oh doesn't go there, it goes to Los Angeles. But you really should refer any questions about such matter to the movie

Posted 9/12/2003 12:36:00 PM by Douglas

This must be a joke, the fact that UPI picked it up lends some credence to the story on yahoo news. If it's not a joke the guys at The Onion better start putting in some overtime, because it just don't get no better than this.

Posted 9/12/2003 12:30:00 PM by Douglas

Dave, you're an idiot.

Posted 9/09/2003 01:47:00 PM by Douglas

For once, I wish these asshats had flown Airbus. Suing Boeing isn't really a surprise here, but I think it's a stretch. I'm sure they company that makes the box cutters they used are sweating bullets right now, too.

Posted 9/09/2003 10:35:00 AM by Douglas

Giant Sequoia, 1; Jeep Grand Cherokee, 0. You gotta love a story when the environment destroys an SUV.

Posted 9/05/2003 09:39:00 AM by Douglas

Geysers of the world. I could have sworn the sign at Yellowstone says that they only exist there, Chile, Siberia, New Zealand and Iceland. I didn't know they used to be in Nevada and some still in Alaska. And what about this one in Yellowstone? Is this evidence that the whole place is about to erupt? Can't say they didn't warn us.

Posted 9/04/2003 12:19:00 PM by Douglas

Who on earth would ever possibly imagine that pimp juice would be something that you'd voluntarily put in your mouth? And this is something that I lay awake at night worrying about:

"a nation of super energized, drunk pimps"

One of my greatest fears. But you've got to get it straight from da pimp's mouf if you really want the 411:

"Whatever you using to win with right now, that's your juice--that's your pimp juice, so keep pimping."

Keep pimping indeed, Nelly, keep on pimping.

Posted 9/04/2003 10:34:00 AM by Douglas

The conversation that led up to this event:

I'mo busta cap in dat Amish MoFo if'n he thrizzoles another tomatizzle at me an ma boyz!

It's too bad that the guy got shot and killed (do Amish go to the hospital?), but a 23 year old throwing tomatoes? That's a tad on the absurd side. Plus the guy asked them to stop, and they kept on throwing. He didn't deserve to be shot, but he certainly needed as ass whoopin'.

And what's the deal with paintball guns? They don't believe in cars or electricity, but paintball guns are OK? What's up with that?!?

Posted 9/01/2003 01:41:00 PM by Douglas

This is the only obituary I've ever seen that lists two monkeys as survivors.