Posted 11/30/2003 11:20:00 PM by Douglas

A sobering thought, which I generally need at this time on a Sunday night. The last two posts contain the words "Kinky" and "genitalia." I'm sure this will boost my google hits ten fold. I can hope, can't I? In case that doesn't work, here's the obligatory "Britney Spears." That always helps.

Posted 11/30/2003 11:16:00 PM by Douglas

"He Ain't Kinky, He's my Governor!" I can't believe this made The New York Times. I already hit on this when it was news in Texas (although I'm sure the Houston Chronicle link is dead and cold). I don't know what's worse. That he's serious, or that he actually might have a chance of winning.

Posted 11/30/2003 10:52:00 PM by Douglas

Through citing some pretty specious reasoning this guy thinks that women don't want to join the workforce because they're lazy. Well, duh. Who does? Want to work, that is. Then you have your Nanny-envy:

And then there’s the nanny lifestyle. Woman C remembers coming home from a typically enervating day at work on a gloriously hot evening and saying to the nanny, ‘Hi, how’s your day been?’ And rather gallingly, the nanny replied, ‘Oh, fine. I’ve just sat by the pool and watched the children all day.’ Within the month, Woman C had given up work and the nanny was jobless. And, indeed, pool-less. Serves the bitch right, no?

Ouch. Uh, I don't think I have the proper genitalia to make a judgment on that statement, but I sure can't argue with that. Ruling out all those who don't have nannies, who wouldn't rather sit by the pool all day? I don't think women are beating their brains out at a job all day from lack of "childcare legislation," whatever the hell that might mean. Where is this all going?

The conclusion we might draw from all of this is that a) there are indeed cultural pressures that contribute to keeping women in the home and b) there are in some cases economic pressures also, but c) a lot of women don’t work because they don’t like working — for many of the reasons why men don’t like working, if we’re honest. It’s a drudge.

Argue with that last one. I dare you.

Labels: working women

Posted 11/30/2003 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Life is full of simple pleasures. For some, it may be WonderWoman Underwear.

Posted 11/30/2003 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Will the downloading generation ever pay for online music? I think we all know the answer to that. It's a big, emphatic, apathetic NO. Why?:

"it's too easy to get music free.''

Is the RIAA ever going to wake up and embrace this efficient way of distributing music, or are they going to continue to try to lock up Jr. High kids.

Also, There's a publication called the Vanderbilt Hustler? Who knew?

Labels: RIAA

Posted 11/30/2003 02:04:00 PM by Douglas

The most thorough, concise, and accurate intelligence test on the web I've ever seen.

Posted 11/30/2003 01:39:00 PM by Douglas

What a sad day in Amarillo, when not even a Sonic Car Hop is safe from idiot teenagers. Honestly, how much cash does a car hop carry, anyway? You'd think they'd go for the Coney and Tots, or something useful.

Posted 11/29/2003 06:35:00 PM by Douglas

League City got the greenlight for the Clear Creek Nature Park.

Posted 11/29/2003 06:29:00 PM by Douglas

100 things to do 100 miles from Houston.

Posted 11/29/2003 02:15:00 PM by Douglas

"It hasn't bothered my health any. I'm 70 years old and still kickin'. Pretty good, too," Keys testified. Strange words from a man that dies from a heart attack moments later. Funny? No. Ironic? Yes.

Posted 11/29/2003 01:51:00 PM by Douglas

I don't need the National Geographic Society to tell me that we talk funny.

"But this is Texas, and things are just different here."

Damn right.

Posted 11/26/2003 08:52:00 PM by Douglas

Caption Time!

That's the luckiest turkey on the planet. Both of them.
Your reprieve has been denied; you're the first turkey to die by lethal injection.
Hey hey! Don't touch me there!

Posted 11/26/2003 03:28:00 PM by Douglas

What kind of idiot would try to introduce Tofurky, a fake Thanksgiving turkey make out of Tofu, in the town of Turkey, Texas?

"I'm not putting down tofu," Boles said. "I don't want anybody who likes tofu to get mad at me, but we're kind of old-fashioned here."

Well, duh. but it would been interesting if the "lettuce ladies" had shown up. Bob Wills would be proud.

Posted 11/25/2003 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Consider the implications of the following sentence: "The world's only supersonic jetliner is going to a museum." And it's getting there on a barge, no less. It's just so very sad.
Things that belong in a museum: Dinosaur skeletons, pottery shards, and sweaty Elvis jumpsuits.
Things that don't: Fully functional versions of the most advanced commercial aircraft ever built.

Posted 11/25/2003 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Who would have thought that losing a vehicle would have been so expensive? I really can't tell from this article how much this is going to cost, but if it looks like it all adds up to $813.4 Million. That's a lot of scratch.

Posted 11/25/2003 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Men give bad gifts. Hey, there's a news flash. I find it hard to believe that only 33% of women say their man has given them a gift that was "far off the mark." Sounds awfully low to me. And a divorce? Sometimes that might be the best gift of all.

Posted 11/24/2003 06:47:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe Geuda Springs, Kansas went too far, fining people that don't own a gun. Coming from a place that relies on the County Sheriff because the town doesn't have a police department, I can say that a "lack of an armed citizenry" probably isn't an issue. I doubt there's any more or less crime in Geuda Springs than there is anywhere else in the Midwest. I do like Phillip Russell's comment. It sums it all up:

"It's nobody's business but our own. Everybody out of town is making this their business."

Hey, why don't you just shoot 'em?

Posted 11/24/2003 06:38:00 PM by Douglas

13-year-old Vietnamese boy sold for $19 to a dog-meat eatery? I bet Michael Jackson would have at least doubled that offer. He was mute, after all, and would have a hard time testifying

Posted 11/24/2003 06:33:00 PM by Douglas

So Survivor! Elizabeth is going to be on The View? Why do I care about this? I don't, but I couldn't help laughing at the Fark comment:

Survivor finalist gets new spot on The View. Says experience will come in handy when fighting Star Jones for doughnuts and coffee.

Posted 11/23/2003 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

I hope they lock up these idiots and throw away the key. I bet that 5 mile walk was a bitch, considering how drunk they must have been.

Posted 11/23/2003 04:51:00 PM by Douglas

A great article on the construction of the Freedom Tower. I love this one:

In a look back at the past century of skyscraper development, it becomes powerfully clear that building by committee was not the route by which the city's greatest structures came to define the skyline.

Posted 11/23/2003 04:14:00 PM by Douglas

Another great piece on American Eugenics and the implications it had on the rest of the world. I sorta weighed in on this earlier, but I'm a bit surprised the Mother Jones didn't touch on the involvement of Margaret Sanger. Here's a longer version of Oliver Wendell Holmes' opinion in Buck V. Bell:

"It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind.... Three generations of imbeciles are enough."

Scary to think this was America, and only 70 years ago.

Posted 11/23/2003 10:26:00 AM by Douglas

M-16 Rifle May Be on Way Out. Somehow I doubt that. The M-4 is the exact same weapon, with a telescoping stock and a 16" barrel.

Posted 11/23/2003 09:49:00 AM by Douglas

Women, your days of suffering in this patriarchal, male dominated society are over. I'm all for equality, but other than campfires and writing your name in the snow, I fail to see the advantages. And check out the directions for the "finger assist" method. Finally, women now have an equal opportunity to piss down their legs.

Also, check out this page. Imagine the woman sitting next to you on the plane whips out a piss funnel and fills a ziplock bag. Lovely.

Is it just me, or does this thing look like a dildo?

Posted 11/22/2003 02:05:00 PM by Douglas

For reasons known only to them, 380 falconers will swoop in on Amarillo later this afternoon. You might want to keep your Chihuahua indoors for a while.

Posted 11/22/2003 01:47:00 PM by Douglas

Good to see that Bush isn't still holding a grudge about the 2000 election. Why else is the Air Force still bombing the crap out of Florida?

Posted 11/21/2003 04:44:00 PM by Douglas

BBQ up on the EasTex Freeway.

Posted 11/21/2003 04:43:00 PM by Douglas

This just might be the dumbest thing ever released by the media. Poor Sha Ross, getting turned down for Playboy because she got breast augmentation. Riiiight. Since when has this been a problem before? I thought it was a prerequisite.

"I felt she might be jeopardizing her future with Playboy by getting enhancements," said Jeff Cohen.

Jeff, say that again 3 times and tell me if that makes any sense to you.

"There's no question we will continue to photograph and publish women who have had augmentation to their breasts," Cohen said.

Whew. I was getting really worried there for minute. Thanks for settling that for us, Jeff.

Posted 11/21/2003 04:23:00 PM by Douglas

Five words I didn't think I'd see combined in the same sentence in 2003: "rocket-launcher-equipped donkey carts."

Posted 11/20/2003 07:16:00 PM by Douglas

The Austin Chapter of The National Organization of Women rescheduled their monthly meeting to today at 1:15 P.M. at I-35 and Stassney to coordinate with this event. There were no survivors.

Posted 11/20/2003 06:05:00 PM by Douglas

Yes, I'm bored, so I'm over at The Corner, and it took me all of 17 seconds to find something I found profoundly disturbing. This little nugget, a list of "quotes" attributed to John Derbyshire. But it's this one that almost made beer come out my nose:

Let's face it, in the great 20th-century struggle between the state and the individual, the state has won, game, set, and match.

Maybe I'm missing something, taking it out of context and all, but I doubt it. I can't even imagine a context to take that comment where it wouldn't be absurd. Not that he's wrong, mind you, but that the statement seems to be dripping with approval. These guys call themselves Conservatives? They tout the greatest accomplishment of the Reagan Neo-Cons as being the defeat of the Soviet empire, so why such veneration of the collective?

Posted 11/20/2003 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Yet another brilliant example of the internet bringing people closer together through mutual understanding.

Posted 11/19/2003 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Mikhail Kalashnikov, at 84, has had a lot of time to think about his invention and what effect it has had on modern warfare. his thoughts?

"I'd much rather have invented a machine to make life easier for farmers and peasants -- something like a lawn mower."

What a nice little Soviet he is, even after all these years. But there's more:

"But it's not the designer's fault or the weapon's fault when terrible things happen; it's the politicians'," said Kalashnikov, a former major general. "It's because the politicians are unable to reach peaceful agreements. I must say I sleep quite soundly."

Good to hear that he's sleeping well. And he's right, it's not his fault. Guns don't kill people, and gun designers certainly don't kill people. Unless, of course, they do. Funny that he's not bitter about not making any money. Personally, I'd take the money over a monument, any day. Statues tend to make my butt look big.

Posted 11/19/2003 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

We need a truck load of bananas and vanilla wafers out to I-380 stat!

Posted 11/19/2003 05:43:00 PM by Douglas

It looks like The Ritz is finally on its way to a face lift. I'm kinda wondering what sort of "arts and music center" it is going to be, but I'm looking forward to it. The balcony has definitely seen better days, and hopefully some better days to come:

Posted 11/19/2003 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Remember September 11th? People reacted to those tragedies in many different ways. Some people decided you needed "to cleanse yourself from this monumental unhappiness." Well now you can too with "BAR OF FAITH PRAYER SOAP."

At times like these when Christians everywhere are reaching out for comfort and healing, how wonderful it is to start the day washing their hands and face with a clear soap that contains a beautiful floating cross.

Before going to bed this 100% PURE GLYCERIN soap will again refresh them and instill the message to them and their children that "cleanliness is next to Godliness."

And how could you possibly dismiss this unsolicited testimonial:

Rosalie's good friend Leticia Hart had this to say when she first used BAR OF FAITH PRAYER SOAP, "Whenever I take this soap in my hands, it's like a miracle, I feel good all over and closer to my faith. Everyone I know wants to get these soaps for themselves and for gifts as well."

Posted 11/19/2003 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Get out while you can. Before the attack turkeys kill you and everyone you care about. But next week's coming, and payback's a bitch.

Posted 11/19/2003 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

What time is it on your VCR? I just couldn't resist adding this little jewel right under the links.

Posted 11/18/2003 03:58:00 PM by Douglas

For anyone who may be hunting in East Texas this fall, be sure and keep an eye out for shuttle debris.

"I think there's some stuff out there because they only found about 40 percent of the shuttle, and they didn't really search areas in the west of the county," said Cherokee County Judge Chris Davis.

40%? That sounds a bit low to me. I can't image that they'd base that number on weight. Too much of it disintegrated, not to mention the liquid parts that could never be recovered (freon, water, prop). And "they didn't really search areas in the west of the county?" I know I shouldn't rely on a country judge for NASA information, but check the weather radar from February 1. It'd be hard to convince me they didn't search all the way to Jacksonville.

Posted 11/17/2003 10:43:00 PM by Douglas

Don't drink and drive in a Civil War Cemetary. Words to live by, kids.

Posted 11/17/2003 09:36:00 PM by Douglas

If you get stabbed by a chopstick and gets lodged in your brain, you should probably go to the doctor to see about it before you eye gets so infected you can't move it, five years later.

Posted 11/17/2003 09:27:00 PM by Douglas

Who in the heck would ship an alligator through the mail? This story just raises more questions than it answers:

• Why is a gator going from Milwaukee to Colorado?
• What in the hell is a gator doing in Wisconsin? Won't they freeze? Not like Colorado is much better.
• There's a gator preserve in Chicago? Are the gators aware of this? I thought they lived in the South for a reason.
• Why is it OK to ship a 19 inch long gator? Seems like a gator under 20 inches is just as bad as one over 20.

But I guess this is worse. Shipping body parts through FedEx? Geez. Haven't these people ever heard of UPS? Also, it was only discovered that the package contained a body part after it started leaking. Uh, leaking what, exactly? I don't know what could be leaking out of a thawing, severed limb, but it ain't good.

Posted 11/16/2003 01:21:00 PM by Douglas

A list of salaries, right out of college. Engineers start out high, but some have a flat growth rate. It's also hard to use an engineering degree to screw others out of their money.

Posted 11/15/2003 01:29:00 PM by Douglas

Attack of the subheads. I don't think I share all of Jim Walsh's aversions to subheadings, but he makes some good points:

But, because Mr. or Ms. Hack-the-Art has nothing better to do, or has been issued a direct edict from the Corporate Subhead Division or the Let's Foster Skimmers Not Readers Team, what we get are subheads that simply repeat the most obvious language/theme from the upcoming paragraph or artificially created "section."

I couldn't agree more. Subheads are only slightly less annoying than articles where a third of the words are highlighted links, that will presumably take you to much better articles than the one you're reading.

Posted 11/14/2003 07:07:00 PM by Douglas

I find this fascinating. I'm sure all the warbloggers are going to spin this into the "liberal media" category, but it just goes to show that sometimes when the U.S.A.F drops a 500 pound bomb in someone's house, they may harbor Un-American feelings afterwards. The irony isn't lost on me that the previous attacks on U.S. forces was the cause for the new round of bombings, either.

Since when did we start taking foreign policy advice from the IDF? I see bulldozers under American flags leveling houses in Iraq in short order. I love this quote:

"We liked them until this weekend. Why did they drop bombs near us?"

Try not to ask so many questions, because we're short on answers right now. Especially to that particular question.

Keep in mind we're not conquers or occupiers. We're liberators, bringing democracy to the Iraqi people. 500 pounds at a time.

Posted 11/13/2003 11:43:00 PM by Douglas

And what would some animal pictures be without a photo of one of the biggest freaks on the planet? Nothing, I tell ya.

Uh, Only 1,093 piercings? Now there's something to shoot for: 1,094.

Posted 11/13/2003 11:37:00 PM by Douglas

And here's a kitty. Further proof, kitties save lives.

Posted 11/13/2003 11:25:00 PM by Douglas

Random picture: Dog chases bird.

Cool pict, though.

Posted 11/13/2003 10:28:00 PM by Douglas

It's getting pretty close to Christmas time, and for those of you that haven't bought a gift for Dave yet, try This. I'm sure this little bad boy is sure to please anyone with a "Cabover Pete with a reefer on."

Posted 11/13/2003 10:18:00 PM by Douglas

Are you like me? have you been searching high and low for "Britain's first and only motorcycle sidecar hearse?" Well look no further. Daddy sure did love his motorcycle. . . .

Posted 11/13/2003 10:03:00 PM by Douglas

When Wynonna Judd was busted for DWI in Memphis, who was riding shotgun? Irony. Two weeks ago, she presented "40 Greatest Drinkin' Songs" on CMT.

The real tragedy here is the total lack of a single Dwight Yoakam song. You're going to make a list of drinking songs and leave out Dwight? I don't think so. What about these timeless classics:

• It Won't Hurt (when I fall down off this barstool)
• This Drinkin' Will Kill Me
• Since I Started Drinkin' Again
• Two Doors Down

I'm sure Townes Van Zandt is spinning in his drunken grave.

Posted 11/12/2003 07:16:00 PM by Douglas

Most guys don't really have an opinion about women breast feeding in public. Well, it depends on the woman. So why does Burger King feel the need to apologize to a woman in Utah because they asked her to leave for breast feeding in their restaurant? Some women find it a beautiful and personal act of motherhood. Others, (the "don't call me chick chicks, mainly) think they should be able to do it while driving. I'm sure there's a happy medium there, but at the freakin' Burger King? I try not to touch anything I don't have to at the fast food places. Does she really want to set her baby down in a pile of rancid mayonnaise before feeding it? At least she hopes that's mayo. . .

Posted 11/12/2003 06:36:00 PM by Douglas

From the "that wasn't chicken" file. The Panda Garden Seafood Restaurant in Alberta, Canada has been serving coyote. This must come as a huge shock for those that go to Chinese restaurants expecting dog or better. Just be glad it wasn't the Panda. That can get a bit gamy.

Posted 11/11/2003 07:52:00 PM by Douglas

The headline says it all: Activists upset by Girl Scouts in Alaska who trap, skin beavers. I'll admit I have a filthy mind, but this is just too much. Was the editor sick today?

Working under close supervision, the girls used knives to skin the beavers.

Sounds like something you'd read on movie at the video store. The back room of the video store, if you know what I mean.

Posted 11/10/2003 07:23:00 PM by Douglas

I must admit: I'm insane. This may be the dumbest thing I've ever seen on the Internet. So why can't I stop laughing?

Posted 11/10/2003 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

Cats crap in a box for a reason. As long as they don't figure out how to use the microwave.

Posted 11/10/2003 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Who knew there was so much research going on towards elephant erections? Not me, that's for sure.

When checking a female's urine, the male strokes her genitals with the tip of his trunk - and then touches his trunk to the vomeronasal organ (VNO), a specialized organ on the roof of his mouth. The VNO sends signals to the brain regions that "are hardwired to the penis", says Prestwich.

Hardwired to the penis. Tee hee hee. I never thought elephant urine could be so damn sexy. . .

Posted 11/10/2003 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

Wanna see the winners of this year's All Breed Best In Show Angora Rabbits? Sure you do. I defy you to look at these pictures and not laugh. I'm especially fond of Chu’s Mindy BCM2 White Senior Doe (third from the top). Is that even an animal, or a pile of lint?

Posted 11/10/2003 04:55:00 PM by Douglas

What an excellent way to lose your pilot's license. A flyby of the White House. What a moron. It's not like it snuck up on him. If you get picked up on radar returning from the Gulf and get intercepted by the F-16s, they send you a bill for their fuel. I'm sure it's the case with the White House, as well. That is, if they don't just throw is butt in GitMo.

Posted 11/08/2003 02:30:00 PM by Douglas

What a sad day: The United States Olympic baseball team fails to qualify for the freakin' Olympics. Next thing you know, we'll hear about foreign countries better than us at all the other things that make America great: being fat, lazy and complaining too much.

Posted 11/08/2003 02:21:00 PM by Douglas

I don't think anyone is really glad that Jessica Lynch was captured, tortured and raped, but I don't really she how committed valiant acts of bravery. It's not like she walked through a mine field to rescue a fallen comrade, did she? They took a wrong turn, got lost and then had a car wreck. The real heroes are those that went in to get her out.

The last person to get this much attention for getting lost and not knowing where they ended up? Columbus, and he didn't even get a TV movie of the week.

Posted 11/08/2003 02:13:00 PM by Douglas

Gizmodo has the scoop on how much cell phone companies are ripping us off for the privilege of number portability. I really wish I could understand all this. Why are they all worried about losing customers, and not preparing for new customers? Do they all know they suck so bad that they're sure their customers are going to leave the moment they get the chance?

Posted 11/07/2003 06:06:00 PM by Douglas

Who says suicide is a private, selfish act. Not this guy. What a horribly tragic way to go: drunk and in the middle of Highway 3.

Posted 11/07/2003 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

In a society obsessed with being cool, it's good to see "cool" get redefined to fit your needs. About to turn 30? Then 30 is the new cool. And who could have ever figured out these guys were drinking when they came up with the idea with inspiration like this:

"We wrote the book because we thought that a lot of people needed to know what Mr. T was doing when he was 30. A lot of people have been asking," Albertson said.

Yeah, that's it.

Actually, the book sounds sort of interesting, and I'm sure I'll get it for Christmas (hint hint) since it's only $8 on Amazon. Who couldn't agree with this nugget of the truth:

"I kind of look at the 20-year-olds and think 'They're so young.' "

Maybe because they have their pants around their knees skateboarding is their life's ambition.

Posted 11/05/2003 06:30:00 PM by Douglas

I can't think of a worse way of trying to get laid than trying to litigagte it. What is this guy thinking? Oh yeah. He's a lawyer. To them, reading about it is just as good as the real thing.

Dear Law Review:
I never thought I'd be writing one of these letters but last summer I was driving across country, when all of a sudden I drove past the Delta Airlines Stewardess/Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading camp. Then, from out of nowhere, I get a flat tire. . . .

Posted 11/05/2003 11:32:00 AM by Douglas

Looking for a new and creative way to get beaten by the police? Try this. I'm sure if the "my name is copyrighted and I'll charge you for using it" approach didn't work, he could just say that it's top secret, and if he told him, he'd have to kill him. Try this crap in Houston, and see how far it gets you.

Posted 11/04/2003 09:15:00 PM by Douglas

Words don't describe how bad this is gonna suck. Al Sharpton hosting SNL? This poses some interesting questions:

• What the hell is he thinking? He's not funny. Well, not intentionally, anyway. He's been the butt of their jokes on that show forever.
• What the hell is Loren Michaels thinking? The funniest show this season was hosted by Justin Timberlake. J freakin' T!! Maybe it's time to get the writers their own vending machine.
• As far as presidential candidates go, Al's not nearly as misinformed and deluded of his own grandeur as the incumbent

Posted 11/03/2003 09:04:00 PM by Douglas

This woke me up on Thrusday. Every firetruck in League City on the way to what sounded like quite an emergency. Never underestimate stupid people behind the wheel.

Posted 11/03/2003 08:59:00 PM by Douglas

Death by hospital. What's really sad about this is that is's a lot more of this kind of stuff than most people realize.

Posted 11/03/2003 08:52:00 PM by Douglas

Personally, I think Lenord Nimoy eats enough salsa, but I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion about such matters.

Posted 11/02/2003 11:11:00 PM by Douglas

The question of creation vs. evolution, to be settled in the text books of Texas sophmores. Yeah, right.

Posted 11/01/2003 11:43:00 AM by Douglas

Something about the story about Fox News suing The Simpsons didn't pass the smell test, now Matt comes out and says he made it all up. Good one, Matt. I know I fell for it. The funny part was with all the rabid people at Fox News, it wasn't at all unbelievable.