Posted 11/30/2004 05:51:00 PM by Douglas

The king is dead, finally. Ken has been defeated after six months and $2.5 million.

The soft-spoken software engineer Ken Jennings, who is Jeopardy!'s longest-running champ, could finally get beaten and booted off the pre-taped show tonight after a record 75 appearances, according to numerous Web reports.

Yesterday, a two-minute audio clip was circulated on the Web, including the question that is reported to have stumped this king of quiz. Sudbury, Ont.-native Alex Trebek, Jeopardy!'s host, can be heard saying, "The category is business and industry, and here is the clue, ladies and gentlemen: Most of this firm's 70,000 seasonal, white-collar employees work only four months a year?"

Well, if the trivia pundits are correct, Jennings finally chokes.

A contestant named Nancy guesses H&R Block. Jennings writes FedEx.

I think he just got tired of playing. He blew both daily doubles earlier in the game, and I don't think there's a chance on earth he didn't know the answer to such an easy question. The show might be watchable again.

Posted 11/30/2004 05:48:00 PM by Douglas

More on Ken. At least he's nice about it.

"I would have dwelt on it if I missed something that I knew or didn't phrase it in the form of a question," said Jennings, a computer software engineer from Salt Lake City. "It was a big relief to me that I lost to someone who played a better game than me."

He's in a new tax bracket now, and H&R Block is making sure he'll always remember the company for other reasons: It has offered him free tax preparation for life.

Some stats: Jennings' average daily haul was $34,063.51. He toyed with the previous daily record of $52,000 — tying it four times — before shattering it with a $75,000 win in Game 38. He gave more than 2,700 correct responses.

So, just because he did his own taxes, he wouldn't know about H&R Block? I seriously doubt that. The man was a machine, and lucky as hell.

Posted 11/30/2004 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

What not to do with your lava lamp.

A man who placed a lava lamp on a hot stovetop was killed when it exploded and sent a shard of glass into his heart, police said.

Philip Quinn, 24, was found dead in his trailer home Sunday night by his parents.

"Why on earth he was heating a lava lamp on the stove, we don't know," Kent Police spokesman Paul Petersen said Monday.

After the lamp exploded, Quinn apparently stumbled into his bedroom, where he died Sunday afternoon, authorities said.

Police found no evidence of drug or alcohol use.

And he was sober? Somehow I doubt that.

Posted 11/30/2004 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

I don't think this billboard in New Zealand has the effect its creators intended. Kind of disturbing, and my first reaction was "they're going to double the price of a lapdance?" (NSFW, if you think your employer would be offended by milking women with four breasts.)

Posted 11/30/2004 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Kind of a silly exercise, but interesting, non the less. Personally, I've never understood why Coke costs so much more than gasoline, when you think about their relative importance.

But this guy's site is nuts. Be sure and check out the "How much is inside" section. Hilarious.

Posted 11/29/2004 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

The universe, explained:

According to a new study, space and dark are eternal, they were not created, and the 'Primordial Fireball' as claimed by the Big Bang theory could not produce them. The dark had existed before anything else since it is the occupant of the space, the master of the space. When there was no light before existence of the Universe, there existed dark, only dark, nothing else but dark and no one can challenge it just think over it.

Any questions? I don't know if that's as stupid as it sounds, or incredibly brilliant, so ya know what? Here's a picture of a kitten in a shoe.

Posted 11/29/2004 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

RIP William Mitchell, American hero:

William A Mitchell never became a household name, but most households you can name have something of his in it – Cool Whip, quick-set Jell-O, egg whites for cake mix… He gave American astronauts the first space-age beverage (Tang) and impressionable adolescents one of the great urban legends (Pop Rocks).

Pop Rocks? Cool Whip? Jell-O??? Forget household name, this guy should be up on Mt. Rushmore!!

His first big success came with a tapioca substitute developed during World War Two when “tapioca supplies were running low,” as the Associated Press put it. War is hell. In fact, tapioca, a starchy substance in hard grains from cassava, came mainly from the far east, and, with supply lines disrupted, that presented problems for packaged food.

War is hell, indeed. Let's not imagine what would happen to morale if the tapioca shortage was fully realized on the American homefront. Bedlam. Pure bedlam.

William, bring it home for us:

He’s part of the taste of America, the stuff that gets under your skin – from the not entirely “home-made” pies rotating at the diner to the red, white and blue Jell-O salad at the Fourth of July fireworks. That’s how he deserves to be celebrated: take 1 pkg of Jell-O, throw in 1 pkg of Cool Whip, add Tang, mix, lob in a couple of Pop Rocks, and stand well back.

Jell-O, Tang and Pop Rocks. How could you go wrong? Only if you mixed them all together. Because I heard about this kid, one time, that mixed pop rocks with cool whip, and he sprouted a third nipple.

Posted 11/28/2004 04:20:00 PM by Douglas

This could be the sweetest story every told. Or perhaps, the saddest.

Relatives say Gracie Jackson's wish was always that she and her husband J.C., the love of her life for seven decades, would go to heaven holding hands.

On Thanksgiving Day, her wish came true.

J.C. Jackson, 97, died of congestive heart failure about 2:30 a.m. Thursday at a nursing home in this Fort Worth suburb. Twenty hours later, Gracie Jackson, 88, joined her husband of 69 years, dying of pneumonia.

The family insists J.C. Jackson did not go to heaven 20 hours sooner than Gracie.

Wow. What a tragically beautiful happy ending.

Posted 11/28/2004 03:02:00 PM by Douglas

The world's first 2.5 GigaPixel photo. In a word, wow, but I'm going to have to agree with Radley on this one. Pretty scary. If this kind of resolution makes it to the mainstream, that means we'll all have to stop picking our noses in public.

Maybe it's not so bad after all. . . .

Posted 11/28/2004 02:07:00 PM by Douglas

Rest in peace, Uncle Wayne.

Posted 11/27/2004 06:35:00 PM by Douglas

Anyone sitting on five grand that's looking for some last minute gift ideas for me can pass at this one. 241 movies for five grand? Sounds an awful lot like $21 a DVD to me, so I fail to see the economy of the whole set when crap like Chasing Amy, Armageddon, and The Rock is included. Buy 'em separately, kids.

Posted 11/27/2004 06:23:00 PM by Douglas

Shelly Long almost went where everybody knows her name:

"Cheers" alum Shelley Long was back home after being briefly hospitalized because she took a dose of medication to treat back pain and the drug made her ill, her manager said Friday.

"Shelley took an extra pain pill for her back, which she hurt when she fell on the set of `Cheers' many years ago," Martin Mickelson told The Associated Press. "She had a reaction to it... but she is now home and she is fine."

Unintentional overdose, suicide attempt. . . potato, other pronunciation of potato.

Posted 11/27/2004 06:09:00 PM by Douglas

Forget about West Texas, the real oil money now is in the Delaware River.

An oil tanker leaked about 30,000 gallons of crude into the Delaware River late on Friday, worrying local environmentalists and causing a section of river to be closed to commercial traffic, Coast Guard officials said on Saturday.

For me, there's about 30 years of gasoline floating down the Delaware right now. And if my fluid mechanics serves me right, it's all somewhere near the surface. How hard could that be?

Posted 11/27/2004 06:07:00 PM by Douglas

The blog is back, and only slightly less worse for the wear. As far as major holidays are concerned, the blog still recommends spending them with other people's families. Then, and only then, do you realize just how functional your own family really is.

Posted 11/21/2004 06:27:00 PM by Douglas

The blog is going on holiday for a while, and while it's gone, it wants you to think about what you've done.

Posted 11/21/2004 06:15:00 PM by Douglas

Congress looking out for you and your best interests, by dropping billions of dollars into the 21st century's buggy whip.

Though Congress approved a $1.2 billion subsidy for Amtrak, the money-losing passenger railroad still is careening toward a major disruption in service.

How the hell would anyone notice a disruption in AmTrak service? Nobody rides the friggin' things!

To save it, the Transportation Department's inspector general says, Congress must do more. Considering current Amtrak policies, says Inspector General Kenneth Mead, it's up to lawmakers to determine what must go and what may stay to restructure Amtrak and stop the hemorrhaging.

Would it be a national tragedy if we didn't have a passenger rail system? First off, I'd have to find someone that's ever taken an AmTrak train and ask them if they'd miss it. But for the other 300 million of us that pay for this crap, we know how to get to the airport.

Posted 11/21/2004 06:12:00 PM by Douglas

For some reason, this guy makes fast food seem so interesting. Now, for whatever reason, I have the irresistible urge to try a White Castle hamburger.

Posted 11/21/2004 06:06:00 PM by Douglas

Hunters. Is there anything they can't do? Apparently, not killing each other is not on the list.

A dispute among deer hunters over a tree stand in northwestern Wisconsin erupted Sunday in a series of shootings that left five people dead and three injured, officials said.

The alleged gunman, a man from the Twin Cities area, was arrested Sunday afternoon at the line between Rusk and Sawyer counties, according to Sawyer County sheriff's officials.

The violence began shortly after a hunting party saw a hunter occupying their tree stand, Sawyer County Chief Deputy Tim Zeigle told KSTP-TV of St. Paul, Minn. A confrontation and shooting followed.

I see a new section here at the blog. The hubris section. Frat boys that drink themselves to death, and hunters that shoot each other. It don't get no better than that.

Posted 11/20/2004 04:09:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a unique and wholly original news story: Frat boy drinks himself to death on his 21st birthday:

A New Mexico State University fraternity member died Friday after his 21st birthday celebration led to alcohol poisoning, according to the university.

Steven Judd of El Paso, Texas, a junior criminal justice major, marked his birthday with other Delta Chi fraternity members late Wednesday night and early Thursday at two Las Cruces bars, said police Lt. Randy Lara.

Judd and his friends returned to the fraternity house after 2 a.m. Fraternity members called police and emergency medical workers about 8:30 a.m. after finding Judd unconscious and not breathing.

This is an unemployment solution. If only half these condescending pricks would follow Steve's lead, I wouldn't have to endure their ignorant, arrogant sneers at the office.

Posted 11/20/2004 03:55:00 PM by Douglas

It's time to evolve paradigms, because it's obvious even to the most casual observer that the "10 item or less" method for expediting you through the checkout at the grocery store simply isn't working. I'm not a marketing genius, or do I claim any experience in the grocery business (other than sacking bags in high school), but I do have tons of experience with being frustrated at the grocery store. So I've come up with a few alternatives that I think will help you get in and out of the grocery store quicker.

The problem, as I see it, is that people get in the express lane when they're not in a hurry. Nobody wants to stand in line all day, but just because you have 9 items doesn't mean that you need to slow down the rest of humanity simply because you don't have anywhere you need to be. So here are some suggestions for some new lanes, and the people that will use them:

• I.Q. Under 80 Lane
  We've all been there. You're stuck behind some dumbass that can't seem to comprehend the fact that 2 of anything that cost three for a dollar will run you about 67 cents. Reasoning with these people is about as effective as showing card tricks to dogs. And they are closely related to the next entry. . . .
  
  
• I Need to Save 17¢ Lane
  This is the person that swears, up and down, that the can of stewed tomatoes was marked 49¢, and not the 53¢ that they were charged. What's worse, they're willing to debate it with the person working the register that has no idea, nor interest, in what it actually costs. But for some reason, this transaction requires managerial approval from the head office once the cost of the tomatoes comes into question.
  
  
• I Need to Save 17¢ (and I've got it in writing) Lane
  Coupons. Turns out, some people claim they can save money with them, and that's just super. But why on earth do I have to wait half an hour while you save 75¢ on a jar of mayonnaise? Oh wait, not that jar of mayonnaise, see, the coupon is for the 12 ounce, and you got the 16 ounce. Oh, I guess I have to go get the 12 ounce now. Hey, you're out of the 12 ounce jar. Now what? You can start by killing yourself.
  
  
• Over 60 Lane
  Give old people their own lane. I know it sounds cruel, but let's face it. There's no place these people need to be. If they were in a hurry, they wouldn't bore the crap out of the checker with stories about how much grapes cost in 1957 and how uncomfortable they feel with the whole "paper vs. plastic" dilemma. Give 'em their own lane, and while where at it, give 'em that 60 year old checker that can't seem to figure out which button on the register gets me out of the store in under 90 minutes.
  
  
• I Want To Pay With 1870s Technology Lane
  If you're writing a check at the grocery store, you're an idiot, and if you do so in the express lane, you need to be beaten. There's absolutely NO reason to write a check anymore, and if you wait 'till the checker is through totaling your items to whip out your checkbook and start writing, then you not only need your own lane, but you need your own store. Where poop flinging monkeys can go and congregate together and not bother the rest of the world.
  
  
• I Swear I'm 21 Lane
  Look, flapjack. I don't care if you didn't get carded at Bennigan's. I know you're not 21. You know you're not 21. Everyone here knows you're not 21, and no one here is buying that "I lost my I.D." song and dance, either. All you're doing is holding up the line, so do what we all did. Find some homeless guy to buy your hooch, or steal an ID from one of your 21 year old sorority sisters.
  
  
• I'm 5 Minutes Late Lane
  You want to run in, get four things, and get the hell out. You've got exact change (or even better, a debit card), yet you're forced to suffer through one of the above mentioned groups because they don't understand the concept of "express." This lane is predominately populated with people buying just one item, usually single men buying beer, or married women buying tampons. Get the hell out of their way.

I feel like if these groups were given their own lanes, a place where they could feel at home with their own kind, the world would be a happier place.

Posted 11/20/2004 03:54:00 PM by Douglas

Welcome home! Now fix my computer.

Next week, millions of college students and young professionals will head home for the Thanksgiving holidays. We’ll sit with our families in warm, candle-lit dining rooms eating stuffed turkey, reminiscing over old photographs, preparing holiday shopping lists and … Please. Let’s be frank. We are going home to fix our parents' computers.

Forget the generational tags you’ve already heard, like Gen X and Gen Y. We are the Tech-Support Generation. Our job is to troubleshoot the complex but imperfect technology that befuddle mom and dad, veterans of the rotary phone, the record player and the black-and-white cabinet television set. Next week, on our annual pilgrimage home, we’ll turn our Web-trained minds and joystick-conditioned fingers to the task of rescuing our parents from bleeding-edge technology on the blink.

This would be funny, if my dad hadn't sent it to me.

Still funnier if I weren't bringing them a computer.

Posted 11/20/2004 03:51:00 PM by Douglas

Why is it that it's 2004 and we're still developing and building new nuclear weapon systems? Did the 30,000 or so warheads we've had for the past 40 years come with an expiration date?

The last fully modernized W87 nuclear warhead has rolled off the Pantex Plant assembly line.

BWXT Pantex and the National Nuclear Administration announced Friday that Pantex has completed the Life Extension Program for the W87 warhead, a weapon carried on the Peacekeeper Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.

The W87 is the first of four planned Life Extension Programs to extend the life of nuclear warheads in the U.S. arsenal. The W80 warhead, designed to be carried on a cruise missile launched from an attack sub or a bomber, is expected to begin production in 2006.

The B61 bomb, carried on the B-52 or B-2 bomber, also is expected to start production in 2006.

The W76 warhead, carried on the Trident II missile, is slated to begin production in 2007, according to congressional reports.

Who the hell are the intended recipients of these "fully modernized" weapons? Until 1991, every nuke we made had "To Russia, with love" on the side of it, but since Russians are now given guided tours of PanTex now, I just can't imagine who these things are pointed at.

Posted 11/19/2004 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

This is what happens when stupid people go to Hawaii.

A Tennessee woman says she and her husband were washed away in a flash flood because they had relied on a guidebook that directs tourists to remote areas of the island.

"We had no idea we were somewhere we should not be," Beth Pickel told the Maui News on Tuesday from her home in Nashville.

The Pickels said they got into trouble Sunday when, following the guidebook "Maui Revealed," they drove to Nahiku to visit the Blue Pool. The couple crossed a stream to get to the pool, but when they tried to get back, the stream had turned from a trickle into a torrent because of rains in the mountains.

The Pickels tried to swim across, but were swept down to the sea, where they became separated. Kirk Pickel made it back to the pool, while his wife climbed out on the opposite shore, where she could run for help.

A fire crew arrived on the scene, but was unable to reach Kirk Pickel, who had to be lifted to safety by a rescue helicopter.

Beth Pickel said she was upset that the book did not specifically mention that rain in the mountains could cause flash flooding downstream, even in areas where the weather was clear, as it was Sunday at the pool.

The Pickels found themselves in quite a pickle. Mainly because they're a bunch of dumbasses. I bet they sue the publisher.

Posted 11/19/2004 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

Mom, I'd like you to meet Elaine. I know this Thanksgiving may be a bit awkward, but she's a PoliSci major from Denton, and she's got some really great ideas regarding the global economy. And she tells me that she absolutely loves sweet potatoes.

Posted 11/19/2004 04:38:00 PM by Douglas

For a line of credit increase, press one.

The US House of Representatives voted to raise the debt ceiling by 800 billion dollars, helping Washington avoid running short of operating funds.

By a party-line vote of 208 to 204, lawmakers agreed to increase the level of the US debt to nearly 8.2 trillion dollars, the third massive debt limit increase in as many years.

The vote comes one day after the US Senate, also on a party-line vote, approved a similar measure.

It didn't increase to $800 Billion, it increased by $800 Billion! Consider that when you get the illusion that Republicans are for 'small government' or maintain a sibilance of fiscal conservatism.

Labels: debt ceiling

Posted 11/17/2004 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

How many times has this happened to you? You go to your local IHOP at midnight for some grub, and after a few pots of coffee and a "Rooty, Tooty, Fresh and Fruity" breakfast, you've just got to go out in the parking lot and get it on? Happens to me all the time. But I generally make sure I'm not gettin' my freak on right next to a cop car.

Police arrested an Amarillo couple on charges of public lewdness Monday morning behind the International House of Pancakes, 2100 S. Western St.

Noise from the couple's parked car in the restaurant's parking lot led Amarillo police officers to knock on their window, where they found the couple in an intimate situation.

When officers arrived at the restaurant about 1:50 a.m. to get some food, they heard screaming and moaning coming from the parked Toyota Camry, said Sgt. Randy TenBrink of the Amarillo Police Department.

Because of the noise coming from the car, which was parked four spaces away from the officers' squad cars, police thought someone might have been in danger, TenBrink said.

"Officers thought there was a sexual assault in progress because of the noise," TenBrink said. "When we hear something like that, we check on that."

Instead of danger, though, officers found the couple engaged in a consensual sexual encounter, TenBrink said.

They wanted it "scattered, and smothered," but not covered. Who knew?

Posted 11/17/2004 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe it's ironic (dontcha think?) that Russia announces a new missile program the same week the Russians get a tour of a Top Secret DOE nuclear weapons assembly facility on the barren steppes of West Texas? Maybe not.

Russian President Vladimir Putin announced Wednesday that his country's armed forces will soon have access to advanced nuclear missile systems unavailable in any other country.

"We are conducting research and are testing the most up-to-date nuclear missile systems, which, I'm sure, will be supplied to the armed forces in the near future."

That's all well and good, but weigh that soundbite against this one:

"The United States has been working with our Russian counterparts for the past 10 years to ensure the security of nuclear-weapons grade materials," Wilkes said. "The group was here to discuss the importance of nuclear materials security and the best practices for protecting such material as well as to see such measures demonstrated at one of our NNSA sites."

So let me get this straight. We give them access to our top secret nuclear facilities, so they can give us the business end of a missile systems "unavailable in any other country?"

I never thought I would have said this but I think I read too much.

Posted 11/17/2004 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Ten degrees in demand, and three of them are engineering (no, "computer engineering" doesn't count).

1. Accounting
2. Electrical engineering
3. Mechanical engineering
4. Business admin/management
5. Economics/finance
6. Computer science
7. Computer engineering
8. Marketing/marketing management
9. Chemical engineering
10. Information sciences and systems

And who is going to fill the engineering jobs? Foreigners, while millions of Liberal Arts grads complain about lack of opportunity.

Hope you enjoyed your "History of Rock 'N Roll" course, gas-pumper!

Posted 11/17/2004 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Driving while talking on a cell phone? Annoying. Driving with a BAL of 0.08%? Land you in jail in just about every state. Chance you'll have an accident? About the same.

A study in the New England Journal of Medicine found a four fold increase in the risk of an accident for people who drive while phoning -- the same risk as driving with a 0.08 blood alcohol level, the legal limit.

The sad thing about this story? Most reactionists will see this and say that cell phones need to be banned. Yet I read this story and say that both should be legal, and all cars should be equipped with cow-catchers.

Posted 11/17/2004 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

If only someone would erect a monument to all the drunken wastes of time I've participated in out in the middle of nowhere. So what's the catch, you have to have a body count? Maybe I wasn't drunk enough.

Posted 11/15/2004 05:49:00 PM by Douglas

How can you not love this headline? Where are you ever going to see "Beavers," "Cash," and "Dam" in the same sentence when the story is not about a robbery of a Nevada titty-bar?

A bag of bills stolen from a casino was snapped up by beavers who wove thousands of dollars in soggy currency into the sticks and brush of their dam on a creek in eastern Louisiana.

"They hadn't torn the bills up. They were still whole," said Maj. Michael Martin of the East Feliciana Parish sheriff's office.

"The casino people were elated" to get the money back, even if some of it was wet, Harrell said.

Also, when are you going to hear about 'casino people' happy about getting back wet cash from a beaver?

Ok, I'm done.

Posted 11/15/2004 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

A great way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon, although I couldn't get the 3-D dragon to nod at me. Geez, what's that a euphemism for? [h/t Althouse.]

And for apparently no reason, here are some kitties! Check out the one in the bowler hat!

Posted 11/15/2004 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

There's no way you're going to push snooze on this alarm clock. [via grapadora]

Investigators are trying to identify the source of ice chunks that smashed through the roof of a house in this Seattle suburb last week, landing on the bed of a 7-year-old girl.

They believe the ice formed on an aircraft and broke free, potentially indicating a mechanical or design problem, said Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Mike Fergus.

"It's a safety issue," Fergus said.

Investigators are certain it was not "blue ice," which comes from leaking airplane lavatories, he added.

At least it wasn't "blue ice" formed from frozen poo from leaky lavatories. Now that's what I call an ICBM. [No, I never tire of that joke.]

Posted 11/15/2004 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

First day on the new computer, and the only thing I can say is wow. I waited way too long for this. I drug my feet for as long as I could on XP, but it was finally time. What did the wife say when she saw it set up? "You need new speakers." I'm so lucky.

Not that I'm a huge fan of Win98, but hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, it's broke.

After removing all the extraneous CRAP that comes with my computer, I think it's up and running. I almost laughed my ass off when it asked me "Are you SURE you want to permanently remove AOL from your hard drive?" Gee, where could I possibly get a copy of AOL's software if'n I wanted it back? Don't homeless people crap AOL CDs now?

It looks like I've got everything up and transferred, but I might have to hang on to the old HD for a while. I hope to cram it into the new machine eventually, yet I can't see any openings in this new machine that aren't riveted shut. I sure would hate to have to drill this case open. Really I would. At least before the warranty is up.

Right now I'm trying to figure out if I like Firefox better than Netscape 7.2. Ideas?

Posted 11/14/2004 02:56:00 PM by Douglas

This guy's mad. Yet totally irrational. Go figure.

Posted 11/14/2004 02:23:00 PM by Douglas

Let's forget for a moment that Wal-Mart is tracking every single thing you buy. I'm going to give this article a great big "duh."

"And the pre-hurricane top-selling item was beer."

Why beer? Because Wal-Mart doesn't sell bourbon. If you're going to get carried off by a hurricane, honestly, do you want to go sober?

Posted 11/14/2004 01:31:00 PM by Douglas

In case you needed any more empirical evidence that Clear Channel Communications is evil, check this out. I know it won't mean much to people outside of Houston, but to purveyors of Rock 'n Roll in the country's 4th largest city, it's like you woke up one day to find Dick Clark replaced with Johnny Canales.

In a clear signal of the growing media clout of Houston-area Hispanics, radio behemoth Clear Channel Communications has yanked legendary rock station KLOL-FM (101.1) off the air and replaced it with a format that radio insiders call "Spanglish Top 40."

The switch took place Friday morning when the new station — now called Mega 101 FM (with the tag line "Latino and Proud") — began playing 10,101 songs in a row.

Once known as "The Texas Rock 'n' Roll Authority," KLOL went on the air in 1970 and has featured rock music ever since.

Through the years, the station has been known for its bad-boy disc jockeys, including the morning duo of Stevens and Pruett and evening DJ Moby.

The good (and bad) think about such a purely market driven decision is that it's what the people want. It's just inconceivable that the home of Stevens and Pruett is now "Spanglish Top 40." This should be a wake up call to all Texans: learn Spanish sooner, rather than later.

Posted 11/13/2004 02:52:00 PM by Douglas

This guy cracks me, consistently, up. Some long-time readers will be interested in the topic of quantum physics. Still others will be fascinated with the picture of the bunny with a pancake on its head.

I'm teetering towards the latter, if you must know.

Posted 11/13/2004 02:38:00 PM by Douglas

More gems from my own personal noir-fest. I don't think I've seen a movie made past 1960 in several months. Really, what's the point? Here we go:

Scarlet Street
I don't really think of Edward G. Robinson as a noir-film actor, but he ran through the gamut of his two facial expressions in this one. As a pussy-whipped clerk that fell for young working-girl, he doesn't elicit much sympathy when she starts playing him like a two-bit piccolo. But it's an interesting ride, but a disappointing ending.

Touch of Evil
Has Orson Welles made a bad movie? I think Citizen Kane is vastly overrated, but the man knows what he's doing, on both sides of the camera. And maybe it's just me, but Charlton Heston is forever typecast in my mind as Moses, and doesn't really make a believable Mexican narcotics officer, but Janet Leigh carries the both of them effortlessly. And then you've got Marlene Dietrich showing up in a brothel. How could go wrong there? But the opening shot with the camera crossing the border backwards is reason enough to see this one.

Don't Bother to Knock
I was really hesitant to get this one, because I thought it was going to be a 90 minute excuse to watch Marilyn Monroe giggle. (Is there a downside to that I'm not envisioning?) But man, she could really act! At least she could in this one, but I know some will say that she wasn't acting in this one, either. That she's really was that crazy. Either case, it makes for an excellent film. Interesting to compare her performance in this film with the jiggly trollops we're presented with from today's Hollywood. There's just no comparison.

Asphalt Jungle
I'm hesitant to say any of these old movies are the best I've ever seen, but this one is right up there. It's got it all. A crooked cop getting heat from the commissioner, an ex-con with the perfect plan for that last big score, the short-order cook with a game leg and a hunch back, and mouthy dame that just starts crying for seemingly no reason, and Sterling Hayden (could anyone say no to that man?) as the hooligan so deep in debt from betting the ponies he's willing to do anything for a buck. You've got the score, the double-cross, the take-down, and the get-away, and even though everyone watching the movie knows what's going to happen, you can't take your eyes off of it 'till the final credits. Marilyn shows up radiantly in this one, too, for about three minutes of screen time.

Labels: film noir

Posted 11/12/2004 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Wow, just what everyone wants for Christmas, a self-destructing DVD.

The Christmas-themed movie "Noel" most likely won't be coming to a theater near you — but if you miss it on cable, there's always the self-destructing DVD.

The movie's producers hope its "trimultaneous" roll out this month, which starts this weekend with a theater release in just five major cities, will prove the public is willing to "rent" movies that must be tossed in the trash after just a viewing or two.

Disposable DVDs look and play like normal DVDs, except that their playable surface is dark red.

Each disc contains a chemical time-bomb that begins ticking once it's exposed to air. Typically, after 48 hours, the disc turns darker, becoming so opaque that a DVD player's laser can no longer can read it. (Discs can live as little as one hour or as long as 60 hours.)

Has Hollywood lost their freakin' minds? They won't stop crying about how piracy is ruining their industry, yet they churn out this crap that begs, no, demands to be copied by anyone who might want to watch it the day after tomorrow.

DVD burners are now under $100 and falling fast. If that doesn't scare Hollywood into a better idea than this, nothing will.

Posted 11/11/2004 05:52:00 PM by Douglas

And now, from a long-time reader that's been in the tin-foil hat club [shiny side out!] a lot longer than I have, comes an article about the black-box that's in your car right now. It can be summed up in one sentence:

"Big brother is riding shotgun"

I'm going to stand by my original assessment and blame the insurance companies. Who else would have the power to pull this off and/or have as much to gain from the technology?

EDRs are certainly not new. Information gathered on black boxes — typically everything from speed, brake pressure, seat belt use and air bag deployment — has already been used in determining guilt in criminal and civil cases across the country.[emphasis added]

Proponents, including the NTSB and road safety advocates, say the data collected on these black boxes is valuable for studying how accidents happen and how to make roads and cars safer. EDR data has been used for years to fine tune air bag efficiency.

Well, duh. Insurance companies want to use this data to prove you were driving recklessly, thus giving them grounds to disavow your claim. But what I don't understand are the legal aspects. I realize this is a poor analogy, but how is this any different from the diary I wrote describing how I committed a crime? The EDR is in my car, I paid for it, right? How could I possibly be compelled to relinquish it if I didn't want to? Doesn't the 5th amendment still protect us from self incrimination?

Then, Haseline said, he would prefer that laws address the issue of a car owner’s knowledge of the EDRs in their vehicles, and that car owners have ownership of the data once its recorded.

"I can understand [NTSB's desire] to have this information, but from a practical perspective, it is premature at this point to require it," he said.

So why do I have to have one in my car to begin with? Why can't I just unplug the damn thing if I want to? I think that's the real issue. Not only do I have to submit to this monitoring, but I have to pay for it, as well.

Labels: EDR

Posted 11/11/2004 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

If British girls aren't going to learn how to pole dance in school, then where?

A plan to teach British children the risque art of pole dancing, usually the preserve of strip bars, has been cancelled after an uproar from child welfare groups, the teacher said.

Dance teacher Sarah Davis announced pole dancing classes for children over 12 at her studio in Birmingham, arguing it was a demanding activity which would improve fitness.

The routine -- at least, the version seen in late-night joints -- usually involves a scantily-clad female draping her limbs around a pole in a sequence of highly suggestive poses.

But the children's charity Childline, which campaigns on behalf of abused and at-risk youngsters, condemned the lessons.

As long as it's fitness training and not vocational training, what's the problem?

Posted 11/11/2004 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

One quick question? Why do the citizen of Amarillo have so much freakin' mercury?

To date, the community has submitted about 275 pounds of mercury since the city and Environmental Protection Agency began the drive about a month ago, said Duree Duke, environmental health director for the city.

Residents are invited to turn in any of the liquid metal they may have lying around their homes, yards or garages. While the metal isn't illegal to own and is found in common household objects such as thermometers and light switches, it can cause illness in people exposed to its vapors over time.

"Lying around their homes?" What the hell??? Why would anyone have mercury just lying around their homes? And 275 pounds? That's about two and a half gallons! That's a shit-load of broken thermometers.

Posted 11/11/2004 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

For once, I'm inclined to agree with The New York Times, at least with this review of the latest 90 minute ADHD ego-stroke for Tom Hanks is concerned. [via Althouse]

It's likely, I imagine, that most moviegoers will be more concerned by the eerie listlessness of those characters' faces and the grim vision of Santa Claus's North Pole compound, with interiors that look like a munitions factory and facades that seem conceived along the same oppressive lines as Coketown, the red-brick town of "machinery and tall chimneys" in Dickens's "Hard Times." Tots surely won't recognize that Santa's big entrance in front of the throngs of frenzied elves and awe-struck children directly evokes, however unconsciously, one of Hitler's Nuremberg rally entrances in Leni Riefenstahl's "Triumph of the Will." But their parents may marvel that when Santa's big red sack of toys is hoisted from factory floor to sleigh it resembles nothing so much as an airborne scrotum.

Ouch. What every kid wants to see this Christmas! An airborne scrotum!

But I can only imagine that it's right on the money. I don't really understand the appeal of these cartoons that cost a million dollars for each minute of screen time.

Posted 11/11/2004 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Why is it that Dell posts record profits the exact same day they say they're shipping my new computer?

Dell Inc. said its profit surged 25 percent in the third quarter as the world's largest personal computer maker posted record sales due to rising technology spending in the corporate and government sectors in the United States and abroad.

Dell chief executive Kevin B. Rollins said he expected fourth-quarter shipments would be about 20 percent higher than a year ago. He predicted fourth quarter earnings of 36 cents per share, an increase of 24 percent, on revenue of about $13.5 billion, up 17 percent.

And driven by the continued double-digit growth and the company's direct-sales model, the computer giant said it was on track to become a $60 billion company sometime in 2006, roughly a year ahead of schedule.

Boy do I feel like a chump.

Posted 11/11/2004 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

I can't believe it's been over a year since I've ranted about fuel-cell cars, but it seems like D.C. has raised the bar on this stupidity.

About four miles east of the U.S. Capitol, in an industrial section of town, sits a gas station that looks like any other. But it's not, because on Wednesday it became the first in North America to have a hydrogen dispensing pump.

Again, where the hell is this hydrogen going to come from?

Posted 11/10/2004 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Ted Rall, at his best. It's just simply amazing that someone like this continues to get published, and I'd like to go through line by line giving him the proper Fisking he deserves, but I just don't have the time or energy. I gave blood today, and I think reading this column took more out of me. It's just amazing. The democrats are suffering from such an identity crisis now, and I don't think now's the time to look down your long, bony, sanctimonious nose at 59 million voters. How 'bout after you produce an electable candidate? But I can't ignore this part:

Firstly, living in the sticks doesn't make you more American. Rural, urban or suburban--they're irrelevant. San Francisco's predominantly gay Castro district is every bit as red, white and blue as the Texas panhandle. But if militant Christianist Republicans from inland backwaters believe that secular liberal Democrats from the big coastal cities look upon them with disdain, there's a reason. We do, and all the more so after this election.

Anyone that thinks that living in one part of America makes them more American than someone else is totally delusional. Pot, we have kettle on line one.

Isn't that the crux of his whole argument? The smarter, cooler, more educated liberal elitists are some how superior, and thus, more American? As a poor, stupid red-neck from the Texas Panhandle, all I can say is that if he's the vision of enlightenment, I'll enjoy the darkness.

Without reciprocating his vitriol, I can assure him his contempt is mutual.

Posted 11/10/2004 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

And now, for no reason, here's a shot of two rhinoceroses (rhinoceri?) doin' it in front of their kid.

Posted 11/09/2004 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, I have some sort of pronunciational closure.

(It's Lie-lex. Not lillecks.)

And yes, I bought the book this week. It's my 8th Lie-Lix book. Can you stop whining now, please?

Posted 11/09/2004 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

A week after the election and the political fur is already flying. First off, you've got Ashcroft resigning but really, who is upset with this one? The big deal that has liberals across the nation shaking in their Birkenstocks is that Bush is going to replace a few of the supreme octogenarians with some kind of cybernetic hybrid of John Birch and Peter Pan. Someone who will live forever and thinks the staff at National Review are a bunch of liberal pussies (they are, but that's another rant.)

For some reason, I found this article fascinating, but not only for its content, but for the things it doesn't say. [via Ann.]

A little-noticed bombshell was dropped by Justice Antonin Scalia in a recently released biography of Justice Clarence Thomas. It poses an interesting dilemma for President Bush this election season, in that it raises the question of whether he should continue to cite Thomas as one of his model Supreme Court justices.

But Scalia's pointed comments to Foskett complicate Bush's support for Thomas considerably. Specifically, Scalia told Foskett that Thomas "doesn't believe in stare decisis, period." Clarifying his remark, Scalia added that "if a constitutional line of authority is wrong, he would say let's get it right. I wouldn't do that."

Stare decisis is a fancy Latin term that stands for a bedrock proposition of U.S. law: that the Supreme Court will uphold precedent and not disturb settled law without special justification. As Justice Thurgood Marshall explained for the court in 1986, stare decisis is the "means by which we ensure that the law will not merely change erratically, but will develop in a principled and intelligible fashion."

First off, that's the Court's job. Hear cases, establish case law, and interpret/adapt old laws that were either wrong from the beginning, or need to be amended to adapt to our present circumstances. So what does Scalia hold stare decisis with such veneration, when it would appear from this article that Thomas wants to throw it out the window with last month's cheese? There's nothing magical about a court's opinion, and when they're blatantly wrong, such as the case of Plessy, or even more egregiously, the ill-famed Dred Scott Decision, which were both perfectly Constitutional at the time, it's the Court's duty to stare precedent in the face and say just how wrong it is.

So why is this a "little-noticed bombshell" that Thomas might be more apt to review old cases? Are most Post readers concerned with retroactive punishments in civil trials and interstate commerce? Of course not, but is there a certain controversial Supreme Court decision from about 30 years ago that has since become central to the Democrat's agenda? There sure is, and I'm sure if Thomas got his way, Roe v. Wade would soon become alternative ways of crossing the Potomac (I never tire of that joke).

I don't know if Thomas has a chance of making it to Chief Justice, but I find it amusing that the Post is using issues that no one really cares about to sandbag him before he's even in the running. Why obfuscate it? Just come right out and say he's willing to hear arguments towards the constitutionality of Roe v. Wade. It certainly isn't going to make the liberals hate him more. Scalia either, for that matter.

Posted 11/09/2004 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Welcome the newest memeber into the blogger fold, "Los Grapadora", which I believe is Spanish for "the Grapadora."

I think I know this guy.

Posted 11/09/2004 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Man, you know the X-prize guys are laughing their asses off at this one. Two of the biggest aerospace companies in the world are in such contest for the next generation of manned spacecraft, they're willing to swap jobs half-way through.

Defense contractor Northrop Grumman Corp. and Boeing Co., the world's largest aerospace company, said Tuesday they have drawn up a team to compete for NASA's Crew Exploration Vehicle and other components of Project Constellation, a planned architecture of human and robotic space systems that will allow astronauts to travel to and explore the moon, Mars and other parts of the solar system.

Under the agreement, Northrop Grumman will serve as the team's leader and prime contractor during the initial development phase of the CEV, known as Spiral 1. During this period, which will demonstrate the CEV's ability to operate safely with astronauts in low Earth orbit, Boeing will serve as Northrop Grumman's main partner and major subcontractor.

In later phases, NASA's focus will expand from operating the CEV in low Earth orbit to transporting astronauts to the moon and beyond. In Spiral 2, the prime contractor leadership role will shift to Boeing for new human lunar CEV transportation system components, with Northrop Grumman serving as Boeing's main partner and primary subcontractor.

Am I missing something? I know NASA has to share the love, but what do they gain by making one company the prime contractor for one phase, and another contractor prime for another? Doesn't that seem like a big fat waste of overhead?

The next time a manned spacecraft lands on another planet, on its side I'll bet you can see an American flag (probably with 60 stars by then), and the corporate logos of Boeing, Lockheed, and Grumman. But I can guarantee that a current lack of managers isn't the long pole in the tent.

Posted 11/09/2004 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

As a valued Hotmail Member, I received this email on June 28, 2004:

Dear MSN® Hotmail® Member:
As a valued MSN Hotmail Member, we want you to know that there are some exciting changes coming soon to your account that will help you do more, receive more and store more than ever before. And it's FREE.

In addition to delivering world-class antivirus protection, you can also look forward to an upgrade in your storage capacity. In fact, you'll receive 125 times your current email storage with the introduction of a 250 MB inbox as well as the ability to send attachments up to 10 MB.

We will send an update on when and how these exciting changes will be made to your account within two weeks. Please check your email for this important update.

Well, apparently two weeks turned into four and a half months, because I just got my 250 Megs today when I logged in.

And there was much rejoicing.

Posted 11/09/2004 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Crime in Amarillo. Gotta love the small town police blotter.

Two men robbed a man Sunday night, taking a PlayStation before disappearing into the darkness.

Bradley Winters, 21, and a friend, age 20, left their Sungate apartment in the 2700 block of South Virginia Street about 9:05 p.m. headed for the parking lot. They were followed downstairs by two men who left a neighboring unit.

When Winters and his friend got to Winters' pickup, he was approached from behind by one of the men who threatened him with a gun and told him to hand over the PlayStation, according to information from the Amarillo Police Department.

Maybe I come from a different time and place, but the thought of calling the friggin' police because someone took my video game is completely foreign to me.

How sad.

Not sad because these dorks lost their video game, or even becuase X-Station-Box-Cube is the preferred pastime to just about everyone under the age of 27. What's sad is that these video game-playing dorks are such pussies.

Posted 11/08/2004 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

Fuck Best Buy.

Best Buy's angels are customers who boost profits at the consumer-electronics giant by snapping up high-definition televisions, portable electronics, and newly released DVDs without waiting for markdowns or rebates.

The devils are its worst customers. They buy products, apply for rebates, return the purchases, then buy them back at returned-merchandise discounts. They load up on "loss leaders," severely discounted merchandise designed to boost store traffic, then flip the goods at a profit on eBay. They slap down rock-bottom price quotes from Web sites and demand that Best Buy make good on its lowest-price pledge. "They can wreak enormous economic havoc," says Mr. Anderson.

I can just see their new ad campaign; "Shop at BestBuy! We love people as dumb as you!"

So, anyone that's going to take the time to read their promotional material might have the audacity to go to the store and demand merchandise at a publicly advertised price? How dare those little devils. I don't know about the re-selling aspect of that option, but hey, it's a free country (for now).

I guess it's time for BestBuy to settle down and appeal to their core constituency: Stupid people, and those with ADHD.

Posted 11/08/2004 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

In case you're not absolutely sick of election return maps, this guy's trying to corner the market [via theAgitator.] The map I want to see? One that shows how each and every voter cast their ballot. No more of this reduction on a state, county, or majority-county basis.

Posted 11/08/2004 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

I find this post peculiar for many reasons. First off, I had no idea there was a pr0n-only version of Netflix.com that caters to gay men, called Netdix. [yeah, NSFW, but something about 'gay pr0n' should have already tipped you off about that, shouldn't it?] But after the surprise wore off, I realized it all makes sense. And besides, delivering movies right to your door? That's a service that pr0n-heads have been waiting on for years. And as always, the titles are hilarious.

Exit Poles
Exit Poles 2: I Demand a Remount
Exit Poles 3-D: Colon Powers Meets Donald Cumsfelt
Exit Poles IV: Surging Ahead
Cher: The Farewell Tour

Classic.

Posted 11/07/2004 02:38:00 PM by Douglas

An interesting look at a whole bunch of maps from last Tuesday [via Frank.] But if I read " Electoral College Over Represents Rural Areas" one more time, I think I'm going to puke.

Posted 11/07/2004 02:37:00 PM by Douglas

Don't blame me, I voted for Gatisima.

Labels: gatisima

Posted 11/07/2004 02:35:00 PM by Douglas

There's been a lot of wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth since last's Tuesday's election, as most Democrats can't figure out how they got their arses handed to them so profoundly. But no one has taken the election as harshly as
Andrew Veal. Andrew, you've raised the bar for post-election grief for years to come.

A 25-year-old man from Georgia who was apparently distraught over President Bush's re-election shot and killed himself at ground zero. Andrew Veal's body was found Saturday morning inside the off-limits site, said Steve Coleman, a spokesman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. A shotgun was found nearby, but no suicide note was found, Coleman said.

Suicide rarely resolves anything, and generally brings up more questions than it solves. For example, what the hell is wrong with these people?!? There was an election. More people voted for Bush than Kerry. That's how the system works, and I can't help thinking that maybe if Mr. Veal had showed the same zeal before the election as he's shown afterwards, maybe it would have had a different outcome.

The ultimate irony, though, would be if for some reason there was a recount in Ohio and the election went to Kerry.

Posted 11/05/2004 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

This is pretty funny now that the secessionist movement has picked up some steam with the cry-baby liberals becuase their stick-man of a canidate lost Constitutionally manidated election. (I like this map better. [via William.])

The big picture here is that it's good to know that these folks are ignorant as they are misguided. A few years back, some states tried this. They weren't being happy at how they were be subjugated by the Federal Government, so they thought they'd start their own. It didn't turn out too well for them. In fact, most of the developed parts were burned. To the ground.

Personally, I don't really have a problem with it. As long as Texas gets an international boundry all the way around, I could care less.

Posted 11/05/2004 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

This is just wrong, yet oddly arousing. Does that make me a Log Cabin Republican?

Posted 11/05/2004 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

Got to give it to Ohio. They really tried to become the Florida of 2004 I knew it!!

COLUMBUS, Ohio - An error with an electronic voting system gave President Bush 3,893 extra votes in suburban Columbus, elections officials said.

State and county election officials did not immediately respond to requests by The Associated Press for more details about the voting system and its vendor, and whether the error, if repeated elsewhere in Ohio, could have affected the outcome.

Somewhere, I hear the faint yet distinct sound of Carl Rove and James Baker circling their metaphoric wagons.

Posted 11/05/2004 04:16:00 PM by Douglas

The funniest part about these two stories, and I realize "funny" really isn't the right word for this situation, is that they were side by side on the yahoo's web page.

U.S. Warplanes Pound Targets in Fallujah
U.S. warplanes pounded Fallujah late Friday in what residents called the strongest attacks in months, as more than 10,000 American soldiers and Marines massed for an expected assault. Iraq's prime minister warned the "window is closing" to avert an offensive.

AND. . .

Unbelievable...
A National Guard F-16 fighter plane mistakenly fired off 25 rounds of ammunition at the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School in South New Jersey on Wednesday night.

The pilot was meant to fire the rounds some 3 1/2 miles away at a military target range, Lt. Col. Roberta Niedt of the New Jersey Department of Military and Veterans Affairs told reporters in the Jersey shore township's police headquarters.

No one was injured as school was out and a lone custodian was inside the building when the bullets hit.

Damage was minimal as the non-exploding, 20 millimeter bullets left only puncture marks in the school's roof and the asphalt outside the building.

School, target range, target range, school. Come on?!? It was dark! At least he used the non-exploding 20mm rounds on the children's classroom. Are Iraqi schools that lucky?

Posted 11/05/2004 04:06:00 PM by Douglas

Tasked with keeping the thousands of miles of Texas highways safe, TX-DOT is still focusing on the most menacing threats to Panhandle-area drivers. Trees. That's right, those big woody, stationary objects next to the road.

The gently rolling highways leading into Canadian are dotted with small groves of Siberian elms, hackberry trees and looming cottonwoods, their leaves aglow in golden fall colors.

To some area residents, they're an all too-sparse reminder of nature's beauty and a potent lure for fall tourism.

But to highway safety experts, they're a deadly accident waiting to happen.

Last spring, TxDOT's initial proposal was to cut down 1,185 trees along roadways in Hemphill, Roberts, Lipscomb, Ochiltree and Gray counties, but Mark Tomlinson, TxDOT's Amarillo district engineer, said public outcry has caused the agency to review its plans.

Is TxDOT really that stupid, or are they just looking for a way to waste money? I know! This is probably president Bush's timber company that he didn't know he owned.

Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't a tree next to the road an exponentially smaller threat to anything that's actually in the road? Unless these trees jump out at oncoming cars, there's nothing to you do hit them unless you run of the road. And if you make it a habit of running off the road, you're going to run into something eventually. Trust me. I've got some research data on this one. But they get dumber:

Bill Jordan, another TxDOT official, said a contractor recently completed an environmental survey of all trees in a 30-foot "clear zone'' along U.S. Highways 60 and 83 in Hemphill and five other area counties.

The survey indicated that cutting down trees in those areas would not significantly impact any endangered or threatened species. The tree-cutting proposal would have a limited impact on some hawks and other raptors, he said, but those species and other bird species probably would move nesting sites.

Reducing the number of trees along roadways, Jordan said, could reduce raptor kills of Texas horned lizards and other prey species.

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to become a Libertarian anarchist. Do you have become this stupid when you work for the state, or do they only hire idiots? Never underestimate a state employee and a "survey." So by clearing all trees 30 feet from the highway, no endangered birds are going to be impacted? How are you going to swing that?

Overall, the impact to nesting birds would be minimal, Jordan said, if the trees are cut down when birds are not nesting.

Are they going to leave notes in their nests?

Dear bird:

Beat it, 'cause we're cutting down your tree so some drunk cowboy doesn't swerve off the road and ruin his new truck. We apologize for any inconvenience this might cause you, but frankly, you're eating to many horned toads.

Your friendly TxDOT morons.

Seriously, doesn't TxDOT have anything better to do than removing trees from an already treeless plain?

Labels: Killer Trees

Posted 11/03/2004 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Why I cringe when I hear the words "conservative" and "republican" used in the same sentence without irony: [from The Agitator, of course.]

But I'm having a hard time figuring the lefty blogs' lament that though he's now talking bipartisanship, a Bush second term will be more of the same right-wing extremism, or extreme conservativsm.

What do they mean? Do they mean expansion of the regulatory state? The prescription drug benefit? Campaign finance reform? Huge subsidies to farmers? Increased funding for job training programs? Trade protections for favored labor groups? Futher federalizing education? Bigger budgets for the departments of Labor, Energy, and Education? Do they mean the PATRIOT Act, which all but one Democrat senator supported? Or the war in Iraq, which most Democrat leaders also supported? Extremism on the drug war? Medicinal marijuana? Didn't hear many Democrats speaking out there, either.

Exactly which Bush first term policies were overly conservative? I'd like to know, so I can hang on to at least a shred of optimism going into January.

Egggggg. . . sactly.

Posted 11/03/2004 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Don't let the international border hit 'ya where the good Lord split 'ya.

Disgruntled Democrats seeking a safe Canadian haven after President Bush won Tuesday's election should not pack their bags just yet.

Canadian officials made clear on Wednesday that any U.S. citizens so fed up with Bush that they want to make a fresh start up north would have to stand in line like any other would-be immigrants -- a wait that can take up to a year.

For these poor souls that are so disenfranchised by America, I'm sure that Mexico is open if they want to head down south and really find out how a tyrannical government is run.

Posted 11/03/2004 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

Surprised? Yes. Wrong? Yes. And I'll be wrong again and not lose any sleep over it. Zogby, on the other hand, is in worse trouble than Kerry's campaign manager. It's over, it wasn't close, and if nothing else, it showed that America's democracy, while far from perfect, is very good at doing at least one thing. Delivering us the politicians we deserve. There's no use whining about it now. If anything, the Democrats (and non-existent third party candidates) should be angry with themselves. For once, they were given a paper target of an incumbent, and they couldn't punch a hole in him if they tried to use a forklift. That's not his fault, is it?

One comment, though, about the electoral college. For those of you that were too busy smoking weed in 9th grade social studies (Jack, I'm looking in your direction), we live in the remains of a Republic. A Representational democracy. The "one man, one vote" idea of democracy, or as most thinking people like to call it, "mob rule" doesn't work, either. You elect representatives. That's what makes the system work. Anyone that advocates getting rid of the electoral college should also be in favor of getting rid of the House of Representatives, the Senate, the Supreme Court, hell, why not all government? Everything to be decided by a plebiscite. Can you imagine any problems that might arise with that?

For what it's worth, we've got four years until the next one, so sit back, grab a beer, and enjoy the ride.

Posted 11/02/2004 08:53:00 PM by Douglas

My only election post of election day. I couldn't agree more.

Posted 11/02/2004 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Dude, where's my turtle? How down and out does your life have to get before you start stealing turtles?

A Moody Gardens electrician has been charged with stealing 15 tortoises from the popular tourist attraction, police said.

William L. Johnson Jr., 60, of Santa Fe, was arrested this morning and charged with theft, according to the Galveston County District Attorney's office. Johnson remained in the county jail late today in lieu of a $30,000 bond.

Johnson became a suspect after a man who purchased 13 red-footed tortoises and two Indian star tortoises from Johnson learned through the news media that they were stolen, officials said.

So it's come to this. A zoo employee has been busted stealing turtles. Next thing ya know, some elephant is going to die mysteriously of herpes. Oh wait, that happened, too.

Kimba, the beloved 13-year-old Houston Zoo elephant who died on Labor Day, succumbed, as suspected, to elephant herpes virus, laboratory tests confirmed.

Despite attempts to save her, the Asian elephant died 25 hours after exhibiting signs of a diminished appetite, swelling around the temple area and depression — all symptoms of the disease, which quickly attacks blood vessels after invading the body.

Some questions:

• How does an elephant get herpes?
• Depression is a sign of herpes? Should I get tested?

I had no idea it was this dangerous to work in a zoo.

Posted 11/01/2004 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

Who knew, but the guy that was running the site tabulating poll data for this election was doing so under some degree of anonymity, and how he want's credit for it.

History may never know how many working hours were lost to Andrew Tanenbaum's Web site, www.electoral-vote.com..

The site features a map of the United States in shades of blue, red, pink and white and a tally of which way the electoral college vote will go if the most recent polls are correct. (White is for tied, light blue is for states that are weakly leaning toward Kerry, pink is for states that are weakly leaning toward Bush.)

Updated as the poll numbers from each state arrive, it has become one of the world's 1,000 most popular Web sites and gets 600,000 visitors a day, according to Tanenbaum. At 11 a.m. EST, the site had Kerry ahead of Bush, 298 electoral votes to 231.

Well, you're bubble burst now, Andrew. Thanks for all the insight. Or is it incite?

Posted 11/01/2004 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a shocker: People aren't reading the newspapers as much as they used to.

The three best-selling U.S. newspapers have enjoyed an increase in readership this year, although the industry as a whole continues to struggle with falling circulation, new data released on Monday showed.

Overall, the average daily paid circulation for the 841 newspapers reporting twice-yearly data to the Audit Bureau of Circulations slipped 0.9 percent for the six months ended Sept. 30 from the same period last year, according to an analysis of the data by the Newspaper Association of America.

Could it possibly mean that people were getting their news from a different source? Oh, I don't know. What's come along in the past 15 years that could put a dent in newspaper sales? The global availability of news from the Internet, perhaps?

Newspaper circulation has drawn scrutiny because of a string of scandals over inflated data uncovered at several major publishers.

The scandals come as newspaper readership has eroded steadily over the past decade, hurt by competition from other media like the Internet that appeal to younger audiences.

No. Say it ain't so. I'm sure people will still keep buying such great pie-chart filled rags as USA Today, right?

Circulation rose at five of the nine biggest newspapers, the trade group said. That included increases at the three top-selling U.S papers, Gannett Co Inc.,'s USA Today, Dow Jones & Co Inc.'s Wall Street Journal and New York Times Co.'s flagship New York Times.

I'm sure that number has exactly nothing to do with that pile of crap that's flung at the door of every motel room in America, does it?

Meanwhile, I've noticed that the Houston Chronicle is requiring registration to read local stories now. They too will soon disappear from my links, and hopefully soon thereafter, from the realm internet journalism.

Posted 11/01/2004 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Voting in your local elections is infinitely more important than a national presidential election if you're concerned with things that are actually going to affect your daily life. Of course, they don't get the same amount of attention, but your local school board can't compete with the drama and dollars provided by the current presidential race. That being said, thank God it's over. Tomorrow, America flips a coin and chooses between Coke and Pepsi. Does it matter? No. Is there a dime's worth of difference between the two candidates? No. Not as their policies actually affect how you live your life.

But since bloggers are known for incensed rants without substitutive commentary, I'd be remiss if I didn't offer up my predictions for tomorrow's election. And, of course, for the court battles that are likely to ensue.

Kerry's got it.

The polls give most of the "undecided" vote to the challenger. Why? Because the incumbent had four years to make them "decided," that's why. It's like hitting a fork in a snow covered road with your mom in an '85 Oldsmobile. One way may be muddy as hell, but you know it's passable. The other might be better, but you just don't know 'till you get stuck up to your axles and are walking down the mud to the nearest farmhouse trying to get someone to come pull you out. Makes ya wish you'd have danced with what brung ya.

So the question is, do we go down the same road, or do take a chance? Then the question becomes, could it get any worse?

Of course, it could always get worse. We just don't know how yet.

I still say it's going to get worse with Kerry, and the Florida of 2004 is going to be Ohio. Of course, if I'm wrong, I'll delete this post from an already embarrassing blog, and put up a picture of a cat or something instead. But for tonight, why don't we all go watch PBS and see just how pathetic both candidates reallyare on Frontline. Who knows, I just might have something to say tomorrow.

Posted 11/01/2004 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

On the eve of this tumultuous presidential election, is the republic strong enough to endure yet another scandal that involves lip-syncing on SNL?

Bosses of American satirical show Saturday Night Live were left embarrassed by Eminem last night when the rapper lipsynced through parts of his two performances on the show. A week after Ashlee Simpson's miming fiasco made headlines, Eminem failed to keep up with his own guide track as he performed politically-charged "Mosh" and new hit "Just Lose It." This came after guest host Kate Winslet poked fun at last week's lip-syncing controversy during her opening monologue.

Let's hope not.

Posted 11/01/2004 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

When I first saw this site regarding the canonization of St. Clinton I thought it was mildly amusing. Mainly because I don't think there's a patron saint for indiscriminate oral sex (maybe there is) but it was amusing none the less until I got to the "Bush is Hitler" stuff at the bottom of the page. Comparing someone like Bush to Hitler only detracts from Hitler's accomplishments and makes the person making the comparison more of an extremist. But that's only the beginning.

If you click on Saint Clinton Store you can buy all kinds of crap with St. Clinton's image on it. I can look past the Clinton lunch boxes and the Lincoln coffee mugs, but there's an item at the bottom of the page that really got my attention. The I love abortion merchandise. The "I love abortion" infant t-shirt. Apparently the irony is totally lost on me, because I can't imagine a situation where it'd be funny for an infant to wear an "I love abortion" t-shirt. I really like the comment on the page:

Not pro-choice. Not pro-life. Just kill all the babies.

Admittedly, I don't know how the St. Clinton website is connected with this corner of Cafepress.com, but is it just me, or is it more than just a tad ironic that someone that wants to "kill all the babies" also thinks that Bush is the moral equivalent of Hitler? Because that irony isn't lost on me.

Posted 11/01/2004 04:49:00 PM by Douglas

Ralph Nader, in a heroically noble attempt to demonstrate his viability as a third-party candidate, has started selling DVDs of himself playing with dolls [thanks, Frank.]

Bush and Kerry refused to debate Ralph - so we took matters into our own hands!

Ralph puts the real issues on the table in this "virtual" debate with fellow candidates Bush and Kerry.

Using the actual questions from the Presidential debates, Ralph discusses his plans for pulling our troops out of Iraq, solutions for the energy crisis, helping the environment, using tax dollars sensibly, and giving all Americans a living wage.

This DVD is a great way to introduce young people to real political issues.

Yes, the real political issues, like why we don't let Nader debate, and why there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of a third party candidate winning a presidential election.

Would someone get the hook down off of the fence and pull Ralph out of the deep end? He obviously doesn't know he's drowning.