Posted 8/31/2006 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

I'll leave my usual hyperbolic commentary out of this one, since now I don't want to piss off either of these fine companies.

NASA on Thursday gave a multibillion dollar contract to build a manned lunar spaceship to Lockheed Martin Corp., the aerospace leader that usually builds unmanned rockets.

The nation's space agency plans to use the Orion crew exploration vehicle to replace the space shuttle fleet, take astronauts to the moon and perhaps to Mars. Reusable and like Apollo and earlier spacecraft, it is perched atop the rocket.

And now, the also-rans:

The only other competitors for the contract were a team made up of Northrop Grumman Corp., the world's largest shipbuilder and third-largest military contractor, and Boeing Co.

Wow, what a way to describe all Boeing does. But what was the difference in the proposals?

Northrop Grumman's proposal to NASA appeared to be far more detailed in technical choices than the Lockheed Martin version, which left key decisions such as reusability and landing sites up to NASA.

I guess the Death Star joke was more apt than they first realized.

Posted 8/30/2006 05:44:00 PM by Douglas

I too drug my feet on CFLs, or compact fluorescent lightbulbs at first, but it really is incredible what a difference they make. Not only do they use 20% of the electricity needed for the same amount of light from an incandecent bulb, but they also make the same reduction in waste heat that your A/C has to take care of. I haven't experimented with the different shades of light, and it's odd to see things in your house that are suddenly a different color, but the savings are substantial:

1. If every one of 110 million American households bought just one ice-cream-cone bulb, took it home, and screwed it in the place of an ordinary 60-watt bulb, the energy saved would be enough to power a city of 1.5 million people.
2. Compact fluorescents emit the same light as classic incandescent but use 75% or 80% less electricity.

The only drawback I've found is that even the newer ones have a "startup" time associated with them. It takes them 10 or 15 seconds to get to their full brightness. But to decrease my lighting power and lighting related air conditioning load by 60-80% to wait 10 seconds when I turn the light on? I'll accept that trade off.

Posted 8/30/2006 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

What's that popping noise i hear in the distance? Oh yeah, the American housing market.

In order to get the $800,000 house he bought early last year in California’s Silicon Valley, Joe got an “option ARM,” an adjustable-rate loan that lets him choose from a variety of payments every month. The smallest payment included no principal and less than 100 percent of the interest due. The unpaid interest was tacked onto the principal, creating “negative amortization.”

This let Joe trade lower payments now for higher payments later. He initially thought his salary would rise along with his home’s value — he was a marketing executive for a small software firm he was confident would be successful. But when a lost deal closed the company and “For Sale” signs popped up — and stayed up — in his neighborhood, a now-unemployed Joe is wondering how he will afford those higher payments when his rates adjust.

First of all, "Joe" is an "idiot." He couldn't rent another year before he could afford the house he bought? I don't feel sorry for people like that. But there's something to be said for the 'market' bringing in what something is worth. Is a house in the Bay Area worth $800k? Historically, no, but that's no indication that we're not due for a nice spat of double-digit inflation. What else is going to pay for Bush's silly war in Iraq?

Posted 8/30/2006 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

This is a sick way to pick up chicks, but gotta give it to him in the creativity department.

Police began investigating Owens last year after a 22-year-old woman reported that Owens raped her twice at his Fort Worth home. The woman told police that in July, several months after she began attending the Prayer House of Faith, she went to Owens' home for counseling following a miscarriage.

Owens told her that a sex spirit and lesbian demon were inside her and needed to be cast out, police said. The pastor then asked her to lie on the floor and began yelling at her as if she were a demon, saying, "Loose her in the name of Jesus," according to an arrest warrant affidavit.

The woman told police that Owens pulled down her pants as he called for the demons to come out. When she tried to get up, he pushed her down, the affidavit said. The pastor then began to fight with her as if she were a demon before climbing on top of her, pinning her down and raping her, police have said.

I wonder if it was the lesbian demon that got her pregnant that caused her miscarriage? Weird, weird werid.

Posted 8/29/2006 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Big Brother, welcome to Houston.

Cameras will begin snapping photos of red-light violations at 10 city intersections Friday, and violators can expect $75 fines.

The city plans to install cameras at 40 more of Houston's most dangerous intersections, 10 at a time. The owners of cars caught running red lights will be mailed civil citations with the $75 penalty.

Police officers still can write red-light tickets, too. Those are misdemeanor criminal violations carrying a maximum fine of $200.

So what's the difference? The cameras aren't "criminal" so the civil penalty is only $75. So why the distinction? Could it be that the cameras are just the wee-bit illegal? Well, it is if the Texas Legislature has their say:

A bill that would prohibit Houston and other cities from using cameras to nab red-light runners was approved by a House committee Tuesday — the second of Mayor Bill White's traffic initiatives to get jammed up in Austin.

A Senate committee voted last week to ban the city's Safe Clear mandatory towing ordinance, and a full Senate vote is scheduled for later this week.

The House committee voted 4-2 Tuesday to send the red-light camera bill to the full House, where it is likely to pass.

I drive through one of these 10 intersections every day, and I saw the cameras going up today. They're eerie, and I'm going to try to get some pictures of it, when I get time, but the short answer to this long story is that Chief Hurtt is full of shit. It's not about safety, it's about revenue.

Many communities around the country are using cameras to try to stop drivers from running red lights. It's a safety issue, yes, but drivers like Irving are say it's really about making money for local governments.

Why this light in Bethesda was three seconds might have a million dollar answer. Literally. This one traffic camera earned the county $1 million in fines over 14 months.

"It shocked me," he says. "And the only explanation for it is that light is a trick. And law enforcement shouldn't be a trick."

Lon Anderson of the Triple A's mid Atlantic office complains too many traffic cams today are money scams for the cities that put them up.

Washington D.C. collected big on an odd double yellow light that turns red when it's not even at an intersection. In Baltimore, Anderson says, you can get a red light ticket by missing the light by one tenth of a second.

These systems can work, but why can't they work without tricking them? Why can't they work without gimmicks?

Because it's all about the money. My secret wish: The City of Houston spends millions of dollars installing all 50 of these cash-cow cameras and then the Texas Legislature tells them they're illegal, thus making the Houston tax-payer eat the cost. Since I don't pay taxes in Houston, I think it's the one and only perfect solution to this encroachment of totalitarianism on Space City.

Posted 8/29/2006 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

Like a high school girl yet to discover tampons, Atlantis is off the pad, on the pad, off the pad, and then finally back on the pad:

When the space shuttle Atlantis had completed about three-quarters of its journey from the launch pad to the Vehicle Assembly Building, NASA leaders changed their mind and decided to send it back to the pad on Tuesday afternoon.

NASA went right down to the wire on Tuesday morning before making a last-minute decision to remove the shuttle Atlantis from the launch pad.

After the decision was made to roll the shuttle back, the six members of the STS-115 crew left the Kennedy Space Center in their T-38s at about 10:40 a.m., NASA said.

But at about 2:45 p.m., mission managers decided that the shuttle will be able to handle Tropical Storm Ernesto's predicted winds and they stopped the crawler that was transporting the shuttle, reported WESH 2 News space specialist Dan Billow.

The most recent hurricane advisory is predicting winds of about 45 mph at the Kennedy Space Center. NASA managers said the shuttle can tolerate those wind speeds.

The crawler reversed its gears and start heading back toward Launch Pad 39B.

What's worse? Being a total wuss, or being a wuss that's indecisive? Well, that depends.

Posted 8/29/2006 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Jessica Simpson has been 'ordered' to stop singing. No word yet if this direction came from some kind of medical personnel or the general public.

"It is true that she has indeed lost her voice," Simpson's publicist, Rob Shuter, told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "She's been ordered to rest. ... She can talk, she can croak out a few sentences. She sounds a little off, but, you know, she can't sing."

Either way, I'd like to extend my thanks from a grateful planet.

Posted 8/26/2006 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Funniest headline ever that involved JSC:

Space center site of prairie chicken love nest project

It's a good thing they ran this headline after the summer interns left. Those horn-dogs might have tried to find the prairie chicken love nest locations. . .

Posted 8/25/2006 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Like I need some kind of high falutin' "study" to tell me this.

While researchers have long shown that tall people earn more than their shorter counterparts, it's not only social discrimination that accounts for this inequality -- tall people are just smarter than their height-challenged peers, a new study finds.

Listen up, short people! And by short, I mean under 6'2". Give it up, and let the tall, smart people of the world get on with their day.

Posted 8/25/2006 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

This is a truly fascinating article about why over-produced music today sucks. Short answer, six thousand words later, they want you to listen to it continually, but they don't want you to really hear it.

I got distracted because it suddenly dawned on me that an awful lot of recent music, much of which I adore, sounds horrible.

I could quote a brazillion lines from that article, mostly about bands that I've never heard of, but the short answer to this is that record companies are in the business of selling records. Indie or Britney, it's the same business model. What I find odd about the "compression" paradigm is that my car's CD player had a "compression" button to shove the peaks into the troughs. I had no idea why. Until now.

Of course, Wikipedia weighs in on this here.

Posted 8/25/2006 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

And on the eighth day, God created Scarlett.

“I can only quote myself from the movie Manhattan,” he says. “Scarlett is God’s answer to Job. God would say, ‘I’ve created a terrifying and horrible universe, but I can also make one of these, so stop complaining.’ ”

No complaints so far. Just saw Match Point and she's definitely not hard to look at.

Posted 8/24/2006 06:22:00 PM by Douglas

More You-tube fun. I really don't know what's going on here but if you could hook this up to a generator, you might have something.

Posted 8/24/2006 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

A great victory for the blog and scientist everywhere today as Pluto is stripped of its planetary status.

Leading astronomers declared Thursday that Pluto is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight.

After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. The new definition of what is -- and isn't -- a planet fills a centuries-old black hole for scientists who have labored since Copernicus without one.

So long, Pluto, it's been fun. I'm sure someone, somewhere, will say that this lost of territory in the solar system is George Bush's fault.

Labels: Pluto

Posted 8/23/2006 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Are there any sweeter words in the universe?

“I think that today can go down as the ‘day we lost Pluto,’ ” said Jay Pasachoff of Williams College in Williamstown, Mass., in an e-mail message from Prague.

Good riddance and good news, but it will never happen. Too many 3rd graders will have damaged self-esteem. Pluto will survive, but the other three floating turds won't make it in the catalog. Which is ironic, since some of those other ass-teroids up for planetary status are actually larger than Pluto.

Under fire from other astronomers and the public, a committee appointed by the International Astronomical Union revised and then revised again a definition proposed last week that would have expanded the number of official planets to 12, locking in Pluto as well as the newly discovered Xena in the outer solar system, as well as the asteroid Ceres and Pluto’s moon Charon.

The new definition offered yesterday would set up a three-tiered classification scheme with eight “planets”; a group of “dwarf planets” that would include Pluto, Ceres, Xena and many other icy balls in the outer solar system; and thousands of “smaller solar system bodies,” like comets and asteroids.

Once again, there are only eight planets. If these eggheads want to create another subset of planets called "dwarf" planets, why not just go all out and call them "fake" planets? And if they do, then our Moon is now a planet. A fake planet.

Labels: Pluto

Posted 8/22/2006 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Quick note on being President: If you know everything your administration is being taped, don't lie out your ass:

. . . nobody has suggested in this administration that Saddam Hussein ordered the attack. Iraq was a — Iraq — the lesson of September 11th is take threats before they fully materialize, Ken. Nobody’s ever suggested that the attacks of September the 11th were ordered by Iraq.

Oh really? 'Cuase this idiot in the blogosphere found this in seven seconds:

VICE PRES. CHENEY: We don’t know. You and I talked about this two years ago. I can remember you asking me this question just a few days after the original attack. At the time I said no, we didn’t have any evidence of that. Subsequent to that, we’ve learned a couple of things. We learned more and more that there was a relationship between Iraq and al-Qaeda that stretched back through most of the decade of the ’90s, that it involved training, for example, on BW and CW, that al-Qaeda sent personnel to Baghdad to get trained on the systems that are involved. The Iraqis providing bomb-making expertise and advice to the al-Qaeda organization.

And yes, I realize Bush says "ordered" while Cheney says "relationship", but honestly. Do they really want to get in the business of "statement parsing?" They'll never be near as good as uncle Billy and his definition of "is."

If you want to pull the old "bait and switch" on the American people, do it. But don't apologize for it later and make up some lame shit that it didn't happen. CNN has archives.

Posted 8/22/2006 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

What does a bleach blonde have in common with your new car? They both have a black box, but you won't find out about either 'till it's too late.

Car owners need to be told if their vehicles are equipped with event data recorders, commonly called "black boxes," the government said Monday.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said automakers, beginning with 2011 model year vehicles, will need to disclose the existence of the technology in owner's manuals. Privacy groups have said many owners don't know the boxes are in their cars.

The data recorders will also need to be more durable to protect the information during a crash, NHTSA said. Vehicles with the devices will need to collect at least 15 types of data, including vehicle speed, whether the driver was wearing a seat belt, and whether the driver hit the accelerator or the brake before the crash.

Yet another reasons insurance companies suck. This technology benefits them. It covers their ass if I run over a school bus full of penguins, yet who is stuck with the bill for this data recorder? Me.

OK, NTSB, how 'bout you weigh in to try to scare us into thinking this is a good idea:

With more than 40,000 motorists killed on the roads each year, supporters said the black boxes give investigators and automakers extensive data that can help them design better vehicle safety features and improved roads.

"This is nothing more than replacing bad data with good data," said Dr. Ricardo Martinez, a former NHTSA administrator. He said the rules will help bring "a landmark change in vehicle safety."

Give me a freakin' break, you fucking idiot. Who are those "supporters" that you speak of? Private citizens that want their families to know how fast they were going when they hit a tree, or insurance lobbyists that stand to make a kazillion dollars denying claims if they can prove you were being an idiot when you had a wreck? Hmm, that's a tough one. There's more:

About 64 percent of 2005 model year vehicles have the equipment. GM and Ford currently install the devices in virtually all new vehicles.

Ten states have laws dealing with the devices, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Many require manufacturers to disclose the presence of recorders in vehicles and clarify that the data is owned by the vehicle's owner and can only be accessed with his permission.

I don't think anyone is going to whine about this if:

1. New car buyers know these devices are installed and that they are paying for them, and
2. Any information obtained on said devices is the property of the vehicle's owner.

The fact that both of the above stipulations are ample reason to conclude that the reason that the collusion between auto makers and insurance companies has been so secretive about these devices is that their installation has self serving and nefarious ends. If these things were so great at promoting safety, why haven't we heard about them?

---

I know that this is a topic near and dear to my tin-foil hat roots, but I honestly forgot how many times I've ranted about this in the past. Damn archives, yet the links are still active. Here's one from 2003, and here's another from 2004, and the latest from 2005. So what does that tell me, other than I drink way too much while blogging? It tells me that this isn't news. The only reason it hit the AP today is because the big 3 got caught, and now they have to actually tell people that these devices exist. Which is the first step to owners yanking them from under the hood.

Labels: EDR

Posted 8/22/2006 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

Two insurance rants in two days. I think I'm becoming my dad [Hi, dad!]. Next up on crap blog, Enthalpy bitches about taxes.

Stay tuned.

Posted 8/21/2006 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

Reason # 744 why I hate insurance companies. [ed note: I'll try my damndest to not make this sound like a mad, frothing rant. Readers adverse to such things (who am I kidding, no one is reading this. Hi Dad!) should stay away.] Anyhoo, this story in the Chronicle really struck a cord with me. What a perfect marriage of an industry that wants to know what you do with every waking hour of your life and the technology that makes it possible.

"Houston was the frontier for usage-based insurance in this country," said company spokeswoman Leslie Kolleda.

The voluntary program, called Autograph, used Global Positioning System satellites and cellular phones to keep track of customers' cars. By observing speed limits and steering clear of high-traffic or risky areas, drivers reduced their insurance bills by an average 25 percent and some by 50 percent.

Right off the bat, who wants to their movements tracked and recorded? Even if you think you're saving money, does anyone really want their insurance company to know how many times they go to the mall or the adult bookstore? But it gets worse.

Now Progressive is offering a streamlined version, but only in Minnesota. The program, launched in 2004, uses a matchbox-size device that plugs into the On-Board Diagnostic system that is under the dashboard of cars made since 1996. That's where the mechanic plugs the data analyzer when your "check engine" light comes on. Unlike the GPS-based version, this one doesn't track where the vehicle has gone, but rather the time that each trip began and ended, miles driven, speed at 10-second intervals, and the number of sudden starts and stops.

Instead of transmitting data in real time to the company, the device is removed from the car at intervals and plugged into a personal computer, which uses software provided by Progressive to analyze the data and estimate how much discount the user is entitled to on the current bill.

So it uses already existing "spyware" on my vehicle to tell my insurance company about my driving patterns? All for a discount, eh?

At first glance this is a good idea. If insurers issue you a policy based on what their pointy headed actuaries determine your "risk", then sure, I'm entitled to a discount if my driving habits are substantially less than those risks. But insurance companies aren't in business of providing discounts, so what in the world could they be "buying" from you with this discount?

The customer is free to submit the data or not, without penalty, but a 5 percent discount is guaranteed just for sending it in. The discounts can range up to 25 percent, based on miles driven, time of day that the driving occurred (the wee hours are considered high-risk), the amount of driving in excess of 75 mph and the frequency of abrupt starts and stops.

Progressive says data won't be used as a basis to raise premiums or cancel a policy, but also warns that it can be subpoenaed in legal cases arising from crashes.The company also has voluntary programs in Virginia and Iowa.

They're buying data. They want to know how you drive. The question is if I give them this data and they find out I drive 70 MPH everywhere I go, are they still going to give me the 5% discount? Of course not, or they're damn fools.

Look, the new technology makes it much easier for private companies to data-mine the shit out of us and buy/sell/trade that information to whomever wants it for however much they're willing to pay for it. Americans are so obsessed with identity theft, yet they're perfectly willing to hand over their identity to save 5% on their insurance.

Don't make it easier for them! Don't let big brother ride shotgun for a mere 5%.

Posted 8/21/2006 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

For those of you that like to jump out of perfectly good aircraft, I give you Project Excelsior and Joseph Kittinger. Of course, there's video.

As if we didn't already know this, but this man has huge balls, as is evident from this still from the video:

He jumped out of a balloon at an altitude of over 20 miles. Huge. Balls. I bet he had to get a specially fitted flight suit to accomidate his gynormous balls.

Posted 8/21/2006 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

The Constitution of Pylyp Orlyk. I saw this on wiki the other day, and their search sucks so bad, I could not find it again under any search I could think of. So I'm linking it here. It predates our constitution by 77 years.

Posted 8/20/2006 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

Two days after it opened, I finally made it to see the greatest movie Hollywood has turned out in many, many years. Of course, I'm talking about Snakes on a Motha-fuckin' Plane. One word, AWESOME! First of all, to its detractors, let me just say that you have nothing to complain about. How many times have you been duped into going to what you thought was a serious movie, only to find that it sucked? Well, no such disappointment here. SoaP lives up to every one of its expectations. First, you've got Samuel L. Jackson overacting and shouting. Second, you've got snakes. On a plane. And that's about it. How can you go wrong with a premise like that? You can't. SoaP delivers!

What I found interesting about this movie is that it didn't waste time trying to take non sequiturs of the story line and try to make you believe them. No, SoaP takes the holes in the story line, whether they were technical or just down right ridiculous, and blows them out the window. Sometimes literally.

SoaP seemed to take every overblown Hollywood stereotype of the poorly written screenplay and run with them, full throttle. The audience I was in was laughing hysterically at the ridiculous snakebites and even more absurd reactions of the characters. Throw in a dead pilot, and you're riding that 747 full of clichés all the way to the ground at LAX.

Hollywood is never so trite as when it tries to take itself too seriously. Trying to peddle serious issues with bad acting, CGI, and poorly written dialog just reveals how horrible they are at connecting with the rest of the world. SoaP is no pretense and all entertainment. Don't look for it at the Oscars, but if you want 90 minutes of brain candy, check it out.

It's already #1 this weekend.

Posted 8/18/2006 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

Pug bowling. Cruel? perhaps. Hilarious? definitely.

Posted 8/18/2006 05:01:00 PM by Douglas

Two topics that have previously been punching bags here at crap-blog have now joined forces. Mom-blogs and what was previously referred to as "new parents that are bat-shit crazy" but now refer to themselves as Indigo children have united their efforts to annoy the shit out of you in public places. And who do they have as their celebrity spokes-mom? None other than Playmate of the Year 1994, Jenny McCarthy. Jenny, let's hear about the moment of your epiphany when you discovered you were bat-shit crazy:

I was walking hand in hand with my son down a Los Angeles street when this women approached me and said, “You’re an Indigo and your son is a Crystal.” I immediately replied, “Yes!” and the woman smiled at me and walked away. I stood there for a moment, because I had no idea what the heck an Indigo and Crystal was, but I seemed so sure of it when I had blurted out “Yes!” After doing some of my own research on the word Indigo, I realized not only was I an early Indigo but my son was in fact a Crystal child. From that point on things in my life started to make sense. I always wondered why I was a ball-buster and rule breaker on TV, and at that moment I knew exactly why. I was born to not only think outside the box, but to break that box up into a million pieces.

Thanks for that, Jenny. For the rest of recorded history, your "box" will be a simple google image search away to anyone on the planet that wants to see it. Oh yeah, and the whole world knows you're not a natural blonde. [h/t]

Posted 8/17/2006 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

Snakes on a mother fuckin' cell phone.
This has got to be the most clever movie promotion I've ever seen.

Posted 8/16/2006 05:51:00 PM by Douglas

Do I really need to post a rant about how insurance companies suck? I guess I have to, because a judge ruled that insurance companies don't have to pay claims unless they really, really want to:

The insurers had claimed their policies ruled out coverage for flooding. Lawyers representing homeowners argued that in selling home insurance with many references to windstorms and hurricanes, the insurance companies led customers to believe that any hurricane damage — from wind or water — would be covered. The ruling therefore upholds a longstanding practice of insurers of not covering flood damage, which is typically insured through the federal government.

Ok, so this is complicated. You've got windstorm and flood insurance, and your house gets hit by a hurricane. Who pays? Well, both ends of the insurance policies will say that the damage was caused by either the flood or the windstorm. . . the one that they don't cover. Sorry. Which is reason #743 why I hate insurance companies. They sell you the policy with the "piece of mind" bullshit sales pitch, but when the Cat 4 storm hits your porch, they've got an army of lawyers that try to find some way to prove that it's not their responsibility. If only they cashed your monthly check with such trepidation.

But hey, who can blame them? They're not in business of paying out claims, but what can you expect from an industry that has the same business model as a casino?

Posted 8/16/2006 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

There are eight planets in our solar system, ok? Pluto doesn't even come close. So it's a joke to think that we're going to upgrade Pluto's "moon" Charon to planet status. We should downgrade Pluto to "orbital turd" status. Yet, some do-gooding nerdlingers think otherwise.

As part of its decision, the panel also affirmed that Pluto, its planetary status under increasing fire in recent years, should remain a member of the club.

If approved, the new additions would be: Ceres, the largest object in the asteroid belt that orbits the sun between Mars and Jupiter; Charon, once considered Pluto's moon but now described as its companion in a "double planet" system; and 2003 UB313, an as-yet-unnamed, larger-than-Pluto object far beyond the orbit of all the other planets.

Bah. What a joke. Here's why there are, and will only be, eight planets in our solar system:

• The four inner, or Terrestrial planets and the four outer, or Jovian planets all share common traits that are not common to Pluto and her bastard sister, Charon.
• The other eight planets share the same orbital plane. Pluto's orbit is tilted 17º above the plane of the ecliptic.
• Pluto's orbit is so eccentric, it's actually closer to the sun than the last real planet, Neptune, for some of its orbit.
• Pluto is only two thirds the size of our moon. Is the moon a planet, with a wacky, spirographic orbit?
• I just made up the word spirographic

The universe needs order. If we can't classify like planets together in a logical manner, then chaos will rule the day, there will be no order in the galaxy, the Sith will take over and anything orbiting the sun larger than a Folger's can will receive planetary status. I stand firmly athwart this planetary madness shouting "There are but eight planets!!!!

Labels: Pluto

Posted 8/14/2006 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Pluto is not a planet

Some 3,000 astronomers and scientists from around the world will meet in Prague this week to decide whether Pluto, discovered in 1930, measures up to the definition of a planet.

In defining for the first time what exactly a planet is, the International Astronomers Union (IAU) may be forced to downgrade Pluto's status, or add as many as 14 others.

Such a decision would send shockwaves through the scientific community, instantly outdate textbooks, and cause educators to re-teach the basics of our solar system.

Shockwaves? No. Ripples? Maybe. Look, other than idiots like me, no one cares if pluto is striped of its planet status. But for the record, it's not a planet.

Labels: Pluto

Posted 8/14/2006 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

I can't top the fark tag on this one, so I won't try.

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research conducted by almost every married man on planet earth

Here comes the science:

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research.

Researchers from Germany found that four years into a relationship, less than half of 30-year-old women wanted regular sex.

Conversely, the team found a man's libido remained the same regardless of how long he had been in a relationship.

Well duh. A man's libido remains the same regardless of who's in the room.

Posted 8/13/2006 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Fixing the pipeline in Alaska, according to the Daily Show. Pretty damn funny.

Posted 8/13/2006 12:34:00 PM by Douglas

Create your own demotivational posters here. I'm going to have fun with this one.

Posted 8/12/2006 09:21:00 AM by Douglas

Death of the dewpoint.

Channel 2 News has introduced the greatest breakthrough in weather forecasting in the past 50 years. They've stopped giving the dew point. Over the weekend, I bowled in a fundraiser for Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Houston. Weatherman Frank Billingsley was on the next lane.

In the fifth frame, he leaned over the ball return and said, "You got your wish. We don't give the dew point any more."

I don't know what the dew point means. How it's calculated. Why it's important. Or how it affects anything in anybody's life.

You're an idiot. Ok, to be fair, I deal with dewpoint a bit more than most of the public, but still, it's pretty short sighted to project your ignorance on others. Actually, if you wanna go that route, let's get rid of everything on the news that we don't understand and/or care about. Wait, wouldn't that be just about all of it?

I guess reporting the dewpoint to the minute fraction of the viewers that know what it means kept getting in the way of the blow-dried weather dude reading the teleprompter and trying to scare the shit out of old people.

Posted 8/12/2006 09:13:00 AM by Douglas

Interesting article defending rent-to-own stores from attacks from do-gooders that claim they prey on the poor.

This month, the Brookings Institution released a report that condemned rent-to-own stores for allegedly preying upon consumers. Last month, the Buffalo News, as part of a series on industries that supposedly preyed upon the poor ("preying upon" evidently meaning "offering a service no one else was providing"), denounced these stores for the allegedly exorbitant monthly payments they charged their customers.

Yeah, it's a ripoff, but it's the only option these people have, as the article explains. And I think the comparison to the 30 year mortgage is the deal break in this argument. A 30 year note on a $150,000 home, even at a low 5.5% will end up costing over $300,000 when the bank gets their cut. Is this "preying on people" that want a house now and don't have $150,000 in the bank? Millions of people don't think so, because it's their only option. But here's the clincher:

I like the way economist David Henderson puts it: you don't help the poor by looking at their list of options and eliminating the one they actually chose.

Exactly. It may not be the best option, but it works for them. What would make them better off? Paying out the nose for a bed, or keeping their $50 a week and sleeping on the floor?

Posted 8/12/2006 09:00:00 AM by Douglas

Most of the 1,200 or so credit card applications I receive on a weekly basis earn a one way trip to the shredder, but this one really caught my eye. Wow, a free computer!?! I could use that:

Sweet. Sign a few papers, get a credit card, and in six to eight weeks, this is me on my new Dell laptop:

Except I'm not a chick. Or a complete idiot when it comes to credit cards. So let's start out with the computer:

The offer is for a Dell B130 Inspiron notebook, which is currently being sold from Dell's website for $485. Let's call this the cost of the incentive. Now on to the "fine print":

Balance Transfer Information. To establish and account and be eligible for an upfront reward, you must transfer qualifying balances of at least $5,000. If your balance falls below $3,500 at any time during the first 18 months after your account is open, you will be in default and your account will be assessed a one-time fee of $600 (early pay-down fee).

Ouch. A credit card that actually penalizes you for paying off your debt. What a concept. But look at the numbers. Paying off the $1,500 in the first 18 months at 10.99% will cost $90.77 a month and $133.88 in interest. Continuing that same payment for the rest of the loan will take almost four more years, and another $837.23 in interest, bringing the total interest to $971.11. But, if you assume that anyone that would be this stupid would just make the 2% minimum payment after the first 18 months, the total interest charge would be $1,335. For a bottom-end laptop that's not even worth $500.

Ok, so you're in debt anyway. If you're going to be paying credit card interest, you might as well get something for it, right? Only if you've resigned yourself to be in debt for the rest of your life. Instead of falling for stupid gimmicks, how about focusing on not paying a "stupid tax" to the bank for the use of their money. There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Posted 8/10/2006 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Why penguins don't march in Texas:

Twenty-one penguins were rescued on a hot east Texas highway Tuesday after a truck carrying the wildlife to a temporary home south of Houston overturned, said a state trooper.

Four penguins and some exotic fish were killed in the accident, including three penguins that were hit by passing motorists, said Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Richard Buchanan.

"The rest of the penguins kind of stayed together in the ditch," he said.

Stickin' together is what good penguins do. More here. Too tired to effectively make fun of this. Opus, you have the floor:

Posted 8/05/2006 12:08:00 PM by Douglas

This is the kind of tropical storm update we can all enjoy:

TROPICAL DEPRESSION CHRIS DISCUSSION NUMBER 19
NWS TPC/NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER MIAMI FL AL032006
500 AM EDT SAT AUG 05 2006

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHORT AND SWEET. SATELLITE IMAGES AND SURFACE
OBSERVATIONS INDICATE THAT CHRIS IS BECOMING A BROAD AREA

OF LOW PRESSURE DEVOID OF THUNDERSTORM ACTIVITY. THE LOW WILL
LIKELY CONTINUE TO MOVE WESTWARD UNTIL DISSIPATING LATER TODAY.
GLOBAL MODELS WERE CORRECT INDEED IN FORECASTING DISSIPATION OF THE
CYCLONE OVER CUBA. THIS WILL BE THE LAST ADVISORY ON CHRIS UNLESS
REGENERATION OCCURS.


FORECAST POSITIONS AND MAX WINDS

INITIAL 05/0900Z 21.5N 75.6W 20 KT
12HR VT 05/1800Z 21.5N 77.5W 20 KT...REMNANT LOW
24HR VT 06/0600Z...DISSIPATED

$$
FORECASTER AVILA

Good work, Avila. I like the cut of your jib.

Posted 8/03/2006 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Remember the good old days, when Billions of dollars were being spent on nuclear weapons that criss-crossed the continent, ensuring a nuclear target was no more than 500 miles from every American citizen? Yeah, me neither, but apparently some folks get nostalgic when it comes to old nuclear trains.

The train, operated by the Energy Department's Office of Secure Transportation, shipped nuclear warheads assembled at Pantex to military weapons depots across the country. From 1951 to 1987, the government shipped Navy nuclear weapons by rail to protect the deadly cargo inside and because it was easier than trucking them.

Originally, the cars were painted white to protect weapons against the sun's heat. Later, the DOE painted the train in different color schemes to thwart possible attacks and unwanted protests. Eventually, the government began using armored tractor-trailer rigs, or safe-secure transports, to ship weapons and weapons components from weapons plants to U.S. military bases.

So we're preserving an old train because it once carried nuclear weapons? The obvious question is lost on these people, but I'm going to go ahead and ask. . . why?

Bob Roth, president of the Amarillo Railroad Museum, said Pantex planned to rip up some railroad tracks and museum officials inquired about several cars that stood idle on the southwest corner of the 16,000-acre plant site. Museum officials then hammered out a partnership with the Pantex Site Office, BWXT Pantex and Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad, which moved the train from Pantex and opened up a closed rail spur to the museum's tracks.

Again, why? Are the guys that worked on the nukes and the old protesters going to go to Denny's for a grand slam and talk about old times?

The museum, located at 13000 E. U.S. Highway 60, plans to exhibit the cars next to another piece of historical Panhandle railroad history, a specialized railcar that once hauled helium across the country.

Shit, Ethyl, I hope we can get tickets to that! That train used to carry helium! After we see that, it's just 833 miles to the biggest ball of twine west of the Mississippi!!

Roth said the museum's goal is to preserve railroad cars that have a historic Panhandle link.

"Some of this equipment is, in a way, unique to the Texas Panhandle," Roth said. "The DOE train fits right into that scheme because it is unique to the Panhandle, having come out of Pantex."

The museum's train, Roth said, has the last remaining safe-secure railcar, a red, heavily armored car that transported warheads.

Several other cars are called power-buffer cars because they contained generators and provided a buffer between escort crews and warheads.

"People could not ride in a car immediately adjacent to explosives," Roth said.

Seriously, if you can't sit in the same car where the nukes used to sit, what's the point? Why would I want to go see a nuke train if I can't alter my genetic material with gamma rays? PanTex Site Office Manager, drive it home for us:

The cars played a major role in Pantex's history, said Pantex Site Office Manager Dan Glenn.

"The work done at Pantex was a significant part of the Cold War," he said. "This donation will provide the public with the opportunity to visit a piece of our nation's recent history."

Gather 'round, kids, and learn how this 18th century technology assisted in perpetrating the myth of deterrence while ensuring successive administrations continued first-strike options of mutually assured destruction would enable a bunch dirt-munching cave-dwellers to attack us with our own planes.

Where's the gift shop?