Posted 7/30/2008 09:43:00 PM by Douglas

It's hard to pin down the dumbest thing G'dumb has done, but this definitely makes the top five.

President Bush signed a housing bill Wednesday intended to rescue about 15 percent of the cash-strapped homeowners in fear of foreclosure in the next year or so.

Early in the morning and out of public view, the president signed it without fanfare in the Oval Office, adding his signature to a measure he once threatened to veto. The White House said he was accompanied by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Housing and Urban Development Secretary Steve Preston and other administration officials.

Think there was a reason the bill was signed in the shadows of darkness? I wonder why.

The president also was sensitive to complaints by fiscal conservatives, who object to the raise in the debt ceiling and the bailout for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac shareholders. Some, but not all, were mollified by the bill's establishment of a regulator with stronger reins over the two companies and the new "consultative" role overseeing the companies for the Federal Reserve.

Wait, he's a "conservative" right? Fiscally conservative, right?? Gebus, what an embarrassment. The nuts and bolts:

The measure includes $300 billion in new loan authority for the government to back cheaper mortgages for troubled homeowners; $3.9 billion for communities to fix up foreclosed properties causing blight in neighborhoods; and $15 billion in tax cuts, including an expanded low-income housing tax credit and a credit of up to $7,500, to be repaid, for some first-time home buyers.

Man, I sure was tired of paying my mortgage. Guess I'll just stop. But how can I get in on this action

Q: But doesn't this provide an incentive to NOT pay your mortgage, if you're barely keeping ahead of bills and are underwater on your house, so you can qualify?

A: No. If your situation deteriorates enough, the bank may reject any possible new loan.

"Turning yourself into a financial basket case is not going to work," said Dan Seiver, a finance professor at San Diego State University. "If you turn into a complete deadbeat, the servicer is going to just foreclose and dump it."

If they're not looking for deadbeats that can't pay their mortgage, then who are they looking for??

Posted 7/30/2008 09:03:00 PM by Douglas

In six days they couldn't find a tranquilizer gun? You had to shoot it? I think in six days I could have shot it with a tranquilizer gun:

Minnesota wildlife officials tried for six days to capture a bear that had a plastic jar stuck over its head, but ended up killing the animal after it wandered into a city during a festival.

The wild black bear -- whose head got stuck inside a 2½-gallon clear plastic jug presumably while foraging for food -- ambled into the city of Frazee, about 200 miles northwest of the Twin Cities, during the town's busy Turkey Days celebration.

Well you don't want a starving, blinded dehydrated bear messing with Turkey Days!

Posted 7/27/2008 12:43:00 PM by Douglas

And in this home we have hardwood floors, granite countertops, double-pane windows, and a moribund squatter.

A real estate agent found a man's body while checking on a home for sale in Montgomery County, authorities said today.

The agent called for help about 1 p.m. Saturday after discovering the body inside the home in the 5400 block of Lakeshore Drive in Willis, Montgomery County Sheriff's deputies said.

After obtaining a search warrant for the home, deputies confirmed that the body appeared to be that of an adult male. Identification wasn't possible at the scene because of decomposition, deputies said.

I wonder if that was listed on the flyer in the yard.

Posted 7/27/2008 12:34:00 PM by Douglas

You can't make this shit up:

A University of Texas police officer who shot and killed a research animal in March was warned to stay in his car before firing 10 rounds and killing Tony the chimp, according to newly released documents.

In reports obtained by the Austin American-Statesman, UT police officer Paul Maslyk drove his personal car to the Keeling Center for Comparative Medicine and Research when a 140-pound, 17 1/2 -year-old chimpanzee broke out in March.

Tony escaped from a jungle gym area by jumping more than 15 feet and grabbing the top of a corral wall. Attendants at the center tried to subdue the animal by firing tranquilizers at it, but Tony snatched the gun and broke it, according to a police report. That's when the animal began to flail its arms and approach Maslyk, police said.

Fearing for his safety, the officer twice shouted "I'm gonna shoot" as the animal approached. He fired while backing away, lost his footing and shot some more as the animal passed by him, police said in their report.

I'm thinking that a monkey with a tranquilizer gun is a hell of a lot more of a threat than two guys robbing your neighbor's house.

Posted 7/27/2008 12:24:00 PM by Douglas

Oil is over $130 a barrel, so why is UT looking to hedge their West Texas oil fields instead of just pumping the crap out of them?

The University of Texas System is looking to trade on high oil prices — and potentially raise up to $1 billion for its endowment — by selling future production from land it manages in West Texas.

The regents this week authorized UT officials to negotiate with one or more parties to sell a portion of its oil and gas production at a fixed price over a set time period.

The buyer would pay up front for the oil and gas produced in coming years from 2.1 million acres spanning 19 West Texas counties.

Holes in the ground in Reagan County have given The University of Texas the largest endowment of any public university in the country. I'm sure the regents are going to find a way to make more money out of this so they can lower tuition for Texas citizens, right? Now the nuts and/or bolts:

In fiscal year 2007, nearly $273 million was generated from oil and gas production, up roughly $57 million from the previous fiscal year. That resulted in distributions of $9.1 million to the UT System and $4.5 million to the Texas A&M System.

So where did the other $259.4 million go? I'm sure those "administrative fees" are a bitch.

Posted 7/27/2008 12:11:00 PM by Douglas

I don't know what is more amusing about this point/counter-point from The Onion. That it's from 2003, or that it's a surprising level of discourse about the pre-war debate.

Posted 7/27/2008 11:40:00 AM by Douglas

Hard to believe the baby and his penis on the cover of Nirvana's Nevermind is 17 years old now. The money quote:

"Quite a few people in the world have seen my penis," he says from his home in Los Angeles. "So that's kinda cool. I'm just a normal kid living it up and doing the best I can while I'm here."

I bet he doesn't even like Nirvana now.

Posted 7/26/2008 06:33:00 PM by Douglas

For a second, I was really interested in Jazz dancing. Then I realized they probably didn't mean for the logo to look what I thought it looked like. Suddenly, I'm a lot less interested.

Labels: unfortunate logos

Posted 7/25/2008 02:01:00 PM by Douglas

Hurricane number four is history and the media is going nuts.

The 2008 Atlantic hurricane season is already a month ahead of schedule

Huh? doesn't hurricane season start June 1? But here's the best part:

Statistically, most seasons that see as much early storm activity as this one turn out to have more tropical storms and hurricanes than the average, said Dennis Feltgen, a spokesman for the U.S. National Hurricane Center.

"We're definitely ahead of the curve here," said Feltgen, noting that the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration had predicted there was a 65 percent chance the 2008 season would be more active than average.

It's a mathematical certainty that if you're ahead of the curve, you will always stay there. This guy needs to go to a casino.

Posted 7/25/2008 01:49:00 PM by Douglas

Sounds like The New York Times is trying to scare people with granite counters.

As the popularity of granite countertops has grown in the last decade — demand for them has increased tenfold, according to the Marble Institute of America, a trade group representing granite fabricators — so have the types of granite available. For example, one source, Graniteland (graniteland.com) offers more than 900 kinds of granite from 63 countries. And with increased sales volume and variety, there have been more reports of “hot” or potentially hazardous countertops, particularly among the more exotic and striated varieties from Brazil and Namibia.

Meh.

Posted 7/25/2008 01:15:00 PM by Douglas

I had no idea mirror was so complicated.

Outline your face on a mirror, and you will find it to be exactly half the size of your real face. Step back as much as you please, and the size of that outlined oval will not change: it will remain half the size of your face (or half the size of whatever part of your body you are looking at), even as the background scene reflected in the mirror steadily changes. Importantly, this half-size rule does not apply to the image of someone else moving about the room. If you sit still by the mirror, and a friend approaches or moves away, the size of the person’s image in the mirror will grow or shrink as our innate sense says it should.

I don't get it.

Posted 7/25/2008 01:04:00 PM by Douglas

It's about time those little bitched cleaned up their act.

Contrary to some feminists' beliefs, modesty doesn't have to mute individuality. In fact, says Shalit, one of the reasons modesty appeals to the girls in Pure Fashion is that "it showcases their individuality." As Elsa Hoffmann charges her suburban Washington girls, what they learn about individual dignity and self-respect is not just for them, but to influence everyone in their circle.

Girls Gone Mild is a rally cry for more young women to reclaim their rightful dignity and respect, swamped by the tide of radical feminism and the sexual revolution. For all of us, the example of Wendy Shalit's young leaders calls for "rediscovering our capacity for innocence, for wonder, and for being touched profoundly by others."

Interesting concept, but the work "Girclott" made me want to vomit.

Posted 7/20/2008 02:43:00 PM by Douglas

Be careful what you wish for, girls. Sometimes feminism comes back to bite you on the ass. Sometimes it requires you to sit eight hours in a boring fucking cube. Here's what some other women are doing with their days.

I dance and sing and play the guitar and listen to NPR. I write letters to my family, my congressional representatives, and to newspaper editors. My kids and I play tag and catch, we paint, we explore, we climb trees and plant gardens together. We bike instead of using the car. We read, we talk, we laugh. Life is good. I never dust.

Makes ya wonder who won (and who lost) that culture war.

Labels: working women

Posted 7/20/2008 02:42:00 PM by Douglas

Thirty nine years ago today, mankind set foot on another world. Today, the coolest thing we have from that is this. But we have Bush's vision for space exploration which has not generated any more public interest or support than a shuttle launch does. Possibly because the new Orion program has solicited public involvement that ranges from the bizarre to the macabre. So are we going to make it again? Who knows. November should say a lot. But ultimately, if the public doesn't want 0.6¢ of their tax dollars spent on such endeavours, then NASA will go the way of the dodo.

Posted 7/18/2008 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

Inflation: here it comes.

Consumer prices shot up in June at the second fastest pace in 26 years with two-thirds of the surge blamed on soaring energy prices.

The Labor Department reported that consumer prices jumped 1.1 percent last month, much worse than had been expected. Energy prices rocketed upward by 6.6 percent, reflecting big gains for gasoline, home heating oil and natural gas.

How else are we going to pay for this war unless we chop a zero or two off the end of our money and call it a "nuevo dollar" like they did in Mexico.

Posted 7/18/2008 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

Looks like T. Boone should have a T-Boner now that he's got some lines for his windmills.

In what experts say is the biggest investment in the clean and renewable energy in U.S. history, utility officials in the Lone Star State gave preliminary approval Thursday to a $4.9 billion plan to build new transmission lines to carry wind-generated electricity from gusty West Texas to urban areas like Dallas.

When we read about the first gas or coal fired plant being taken off-line because of this government funded cluster-fuck, I'll send T. Boone his next billion dollars.

Posted 7/18/2008 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

More news on the scariest hotel in North Korea.

North Korea's phantom hotel is stirring back to life. Once dubbed by Esquire magazine as "the worst building in the history of mankind," the 105-storey Ryugyong Hotel is back under construction after a 16-year lull in the capital of one of the world's most reclusive and destitute countries.

According to foreign residents in Pyongyang, Egypt's Orascom group has recently begun refurbishing the top floors of the three-sided pyramid-shaped hotel whose 330-metre (1,083 ft) frame dominates the Pyongyang skyline.

The Ryugyong Hotel: Come for the unstable floors, stay for 4% of your country's GDP.

Posted 7/18/2008 04:48:00 PM by Douglas

I didn't read it, but I'm sure this is a fascinating article about 21st century China. I only link it (other than to get the copulating cats off my front page) for this quote:

Beijing is flat and sprawling and smoggy and jammed with traffic and nearly all new, which is why an American friend who’s been working there for the last couple of years calls it “the People’s Republic of Houston.”

Zing!!

Posted 7/18/2008 04:48:00 PM by Douglas

I've always thought a lawn was a waste of time, but this book kinda sounds interesting. Money quote:

Mowing turfgrass quite literally cuts off the option of sexual reproduction.

For you, or the grass?

Posted 7/13/2008 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

I'm no religious/legal scholar, but this sounds like it could slither into the realm of religious prosecution:

The pastor of a Kentucky church that handles snakes in religious rites was among 10 people arrested by wildlife officers in a crackdown on the venomous snake trade.

More than 100 snakes, many of them deadly, were confiscated in the undercover sting after Thursday's arrests, said Col. Bob Milligan, director of law enforcement for Kentucky Fish and Wildlife.

Let 'em have their deadly, deadly reptiles. This sounds like a problem that's going to take care of itself, eventually.

To quote Moe, "I was born a snake handler and I'll die a snake handler"

Posted 7/13/2008 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

So why is the FED no longer reporting the M3? Of course, according to them, they don't
have to

M3 does not appear to convey any additional information about economic activity that is not already embodied in M2 and has not played a role in the monetary policy process for many years. Consequently, the Board judged that the costs of collecting the underlying data and publishing M3 outweigh the benefits.

So the FED is devaluing the dollar faster than the printers can crank out the dollars, yet since this looks bad, real bad, indicating inflation not even seen in the 1970s, the best approach to dealing with it? Stop reporting it.

It's really sad that Bam-bama is going to be the one blamed for the next depression.

Posted 7/12/2008 01:27:00 PM by Douglas

I've never claimed the moral high ground, but ever since I created a blog tag for "animals doin' it," I kinda feel obligated. That's why I felt compelled to post this little nugget of joy:

Labels: animals doin' it

Posted 7/07/2008 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

It's idiotic to think that 75 years after the 21st amendment, some people think that prohibition of alcohol is going to keep it out of their communities. Gotta hand it to them for sticking to their guns and letting adjacent communities collect that tax revenue, but at some point, it just gets silly. Case in point:

Canyon is considered a dry precinct. The only legal way for alcohol to be sold within the city limits is at a private club that has a license through the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission.

"Canyon is proud to be dry," said Lt. Dale Davis, a member of Canyon's 20-officer police force since 1980.

Two trends have emerged over the years: Canyon's drinkers are getting younger, and fewer of them are waiting until they get home to drink.

Well, no. Canyon's college, such that it is, has always been dry. Does this mean college kids at WTAMU don't drink?? Yeah, that's the ticket. So what's the worst that could happen if Canyon denizens can buy a beer when they want to:

"If we started to (put) bars in the community ... more and more people would be victims of crime, just because alcohol is here," Lt. Davis said. "It would definitely cause some changes to how we'd operate."

Well, bullshit. Anyone that wants a drink in Canyon, already has one. You're just missing out on the revenue, Randall County.

Canyon police nabbed 27 motorists under age 21 for drunken driving from January to May 30, a 108-percent increase from the same period last year. In 2007, 13 such violations were reported.

"Canyon is dry, but unfortunately we can't be completely void of it," Davis said. "If someone wants to get alcohol, they don't have a long way to go to get it. So we'll get our share of alcohol-related crime."

What?!? You mean the demon alcohol makes it into your quiet little community anyway? The horror! Too bad Randall County didn't make that million dollar in taxes off that Bud Light.

But for the most moronic perspective of this, you have to go to, as usual, MADD:

"The main reason people continue to drive drunk today is because they can and because we let them," said Vanessa Alina Luna, manager of victim services for MADD's West Texas affiliate in El Paso.

You'd think since they have, oh, Ida know, driving in their acronym that they'd want to limit at least one of the "D"s in it. Nope. They're content with you driving as far as possible to get your 12 pack. Doesn't eliminating the sheer mileage between you and the beer store decrease the chances you're going to run over someone on your way? They don't see it that way. Then again, they're full blow prohibitionists in mother's clothing.

Posted 7/06/2008 01:19:00 PM by Douglas

Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. But fuck up my milk carton and I'm going to dump it on your head.

A simple change to the design of the gallon milk jug, adopted by Wal-Mart and Costco, seems made for the times. The jugs are cheaper to ship and better for the environment, the milk is fresher when it arrives in stores, and it costs less.

The jugs have no real spout, and their unorthodox shape makes consumers feel like novices at the simple task of pouring a glass of milk.

But retailers are undeterred by the prospect of upended bowls of Cheerios. The new jugs have many advantages from their point of view, and Sam’s Club intends to roll them out broadly, making them more prevalent.

Cheaper shipping is going to win out over easier to pour, but I just can't imagine we can't have a square jug that you can pour.

Posted 7/04/2008 03:00:00 PM by Douglas

Happy Birthday, America! It's been doing this all day:

With no signs of letting up. It's 71º outside. Seriously, 71ºF on the Fourth of July in Houston, Texas. That's got to be one of the signs of the looming apocalypse.

Now I know why they put the "DO NOT USE INDOORS" warning on the charcoal bag. Seriously, how bad could it get?

Posted 7/04/2008 02:53:00 PM by Douglas

Hard to think that this bozo died. This one, either. [gee, I hope I don't mix up those two links.] Other than both frightening children, they didn't have a whole lot in common.

Larry Harmon wasn't the original Bozo the Clown, but he was the real one. Harmon, who portrayed the wing-haired clown for more than half a century, died Thursday of congestive heart failure, said his publicist, Jerry Digney. He was 83.

As an entrepreneur, Harmon licensed the character to others, particularly dozens of television stations around the country. The stations in turn hired actors to be their local Bozos.

And

Former Sen. Jesse Helms, who built a career along the fault lines of racial politics and battled liberals, Communists and the occasional fellow Republican during 30 conservative years in Congress, died on the Fourth of July. He was 86.

"It's just incredible that he would die on July 4, the same day of the Declaration of Independence and the same day that Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died, and he certainly is a patriot in the mold of those great men," said former North Carolina GOP Rep. Bill Cobey, the chairman of The Jesse Helms Center in Wingate, N.C.

I think that last statement is going to make me be sick. My favourite J-Helms quote:

In one noted editorial, he suggested building a wall around the UNC campus, which he called the "University of Negroes and Communists," so that its liberal sentiments could be contained.

Keep it classy, Jesse.

Posted 7/04/2008 02:37:00 PM by Douglas

Why this story isn't on the front page of everything, I have no idea.

Biofuels have forced global food prices up by 75 percent -- far more than previously estimated -- according to a confidential World Bank report published in a British newspaper on Friday.

The assessment is based on a detailed analysis by Don Mitchell, an internationally respected economist at the Washington-based global financial body, the Guardian said.

The figure contradicts U.S. government estimates that plant-derived fuels have contributed less than 3 percent to food-price increases, the newspaper said.

If that sounds like bullshit, at least they're not the only one saying it:

Europe and the U.S. must reconsider their biofuel policies because of rising food prices around the world, aid officials and food policy experts said Thursday.

Speaking at an international conference on food supplies, many also warned that some countries' restrictions on agricultural exports were severely hindering access to food and called for more investment to increase food production in the developing world.

Well it's not like this has anything to do with gas prices, does it?

Oil's meteoric rise since the start of the year to nearly $150 has distressed consumers and policy makers the world over, but the stark reality is prices are likely to rise higher still.

It's all a rich tapestry, isn't it? Now for the dumbest quote of the day:

The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries has conceded prices at current levels are expensive in relative terms, but the group's secretary general has also pointed out that per liter crude is cheaper than bottled mineral water.

Wow, that's dumb.

Posted 7/04/2008 02:06:00 PM by Douglas

Hilarious story about a young woman's augmented bust, an unpressurized aircraft cabin, and South American airline security.

As a young woman, Betty Jenkins received a gift from her mother that was meant to attract the attention of young men. But as Jenkins, who is now 94, tells her niece, the attention she got wasn't the kind she was expecting.

No more quotes. I don't what to "blow" the ending. Hardy har.

If this happened today she'd probably be declared an enemy combatant and sent to Gitmo.

Posted 7/04/2008 02:00:00 PM by Douglas

If the state is giving away a million dollars on a scratch-off lottery ticket, they'd stop selling them after they gave the money away, wouldn't they?

Your chances of winning the $1 million top prize are Z-E-R-O.

The six top prizes were awarded months ago, but the $20 tickets are still on sale. The best prize available today is $10,000.

State lotteries are coming under renewed criticism for selling scratch-off tickets after the top prizes have been given away. The latest challenge comes from a professor who says he intends to sue Virginia for allegedly selling $20 million a year in lottery tickets that had no top prize available.

Meh. Anyone stupid enough to buy one surely can't be that disappointed to find out they didn't really have a chance at the jackpot, are they? As Joe Bob said:

The whole "problem gambler" self-righteous party line is nothing more than an attempt to hide the reason most governments traditionally banned gambling entirely: it was considered a con directed against the poorest citizens and the ones who had no self-control. Presumably governments today could do the next best thing and ban "sucker bets"--except for the embarrassing fact that the biggest sucker bet of them all is owned by the government: the lottery.

But be careful. Bet too much money that the state doesn't get a cut of, and they just might shoot you for it.

Posted 7/03/2008 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

I've been sitting on these stories for a while, but they still crack me up. Thursday: It might rain. Then again, the next day, it might rain again. But wait, there's more. The next Monday, in the Texas sub-tropics, it might actually rain again.

Film at 10.

Posted 7/03/2008 05:08:00 PM by Douglas

I've had this discussion with just about everyone that will listen to me in the last few weeks: Is the tube beef at the grocery store any better/worse than the foam packed/cellophane wrapped beef? I contend it's the same shit, but turns out, it's actually safer.

The Kroger Co. expanded its voluntary recall of some ground beef products beyond stores in Michigan and parts of Ohio to its stores in more than 20 states including Texas.

Big shock. Get used to more of this. As time on the dis-assembly line decreases, mistakes are going to increase, thus increasing the chance you get poo in your burger. Thus contaminating a half a million pounds of meat. So what can you do? Is tube-meat better or worse. Here's a data point:

In some stores, the recall includes products in Styrofoam tray packages wrapped in clear cellophane or purchased from an in-store service counter. It does not include ground beef sold in sealed tubes in one, three or five-pound packages and frozen ground beef patties sold in the frozen food section of its stores.

Tube meat, scores again!

Posted 7/03/2008 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

I'm been putting off blogging about this for a while because it kinda makes me a little sick. After a victory for the Second Amendment earlier, we get double murderers getting a walk. After listening to the 911 tape, two things become quite clear:

• In his home, Joe Horn was never in any danger
• His neighbor's house was not under his protection because he didn't know them

The "Castle doctrine" that Mr. Horn speaks of ("The laws here changed after September First") allow you to use deadly force to protect your property. Your property. He was seemingly safe in his own home, witnessing a burglary, and put himself in harms way, albeit with a shotgun, and assumed the role of judge, jury, and executioner.

This is not a victory for those that choose to use firearms to protect their families or their property. This is, however, a defeat for those that choose to burglarize homes in Texas.

Still, it's hard to listen to him say "I'm not going to let them get away with this" after the 911 operator tells him to stay inside 15 times and not think this guy was just out for blood.

Labels: Joe Horn