Posted 1/27/2011 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Great article about stupid people. Too bad they'll never read it. Six things you should never put on your credit card? News flash, but if you're paying 19%, you shouldn't put a damn hamburger on your credit card. But it gets dumber:

Well in advance, start making a monthly payment into a bank account -- the reverse of what you'd do if you paid with a card, Coghill recommends. "It feels so much better to pay in cash and not come back from vacation with a credit card hangover"

News flash. Anyone that needs to be told not to use their credit card for a gambling spree obviously isn't going to read this article. Because they can't read.

Posted 1/27/2011 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Barry's State of the Union address. Obviously, there's one part that really rubs me the wrong way.

Half a century ago, when the Soviets beat us into space with the launch of a satellite called Sputnik, we had no idea how we would beat them to the moon. The science wasn't even there yet. NASA didn't exist. But after investing in better research and education, we didn't just surpass the Soviets; we unleashed a wave of innovation that created new industries and millions of new jobs.

This is our generation's Sputnik moment. Two years ago, I said that we needed to reach a level of research and development we haven't seen since the height of the Space Race.

Catch that? The Apollo program may be the greatest feat of the 20th century, and something ALL Americans, regardless of how they feel about the space program, can usually agree on as being a good, "holy shit" moment in American history. Now, after effectively cuckolding the manned spaceflight program last summer, Barry draws on the vast accomplishments that NASA achieved, with 5% of the federal budget, 50 years ago. So now, at the stroke of his pen, this genius example of human accomplishment is just that. An example. There's no interest or drive to inspire Americans to the heavens, but let's use the example of when we did to inspire people to buy electric cars and get on trains:

To attract new businesses to our shores, we need the fastest, most reliable ways to move people, goods, and information -- from high-speed rail to high-speed Internet.

Welcome to the 19th century. The 19th century where you can get wifi on your freakin' train. Is this what "winning the future" means? I'd hate to see the losers.

Posted 1/25/2011 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

It's that time of year again. Time for the President's State of the Union Drinking game! Let me be clear: I'm gonna be tore up!

Posted 1/21/2011 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

If people are going to pay $10 for water and $50 for bourbon, it was just a matter of time before the next part of the equation got gourmeted: the ice.

Gourmet ice, often heavily filtered and hand-cut to guarantee the optimal amount of dilution, has officially become part of cocktail culture.

As stated in the article, the important thing is the size of the ice cube, not the gourmet water it's frozen from.

Posted 1/21/2011 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

I just don't understand this one. She went from being "Mall Fountain Lady" to her real name by her own actions.

Posted 1/21/2011 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

The most emailed New York Times article. Sounds like it came from The Onion, but still, hilarious, if you've ever read an article in The New York Times. This is the only part I could quote, out of context, that was still funny:

Like many of the ibex farms sprouting up across the northeastern United States, Yael offers an intensive Chinese-language immersion course.

The whole thing is spot-on.

Posted 1/20/2011 08:37:00 PM by Douglas

Great pictures of the bones of the Soviet shuttle program. Coming soon to a Florida near you. Some good ones of the Shuttle Buran here. Buran means "snowstorm" in Russian, not "we stole this design from the Americans."

Posted 1/20/2011 08:24:00 PM by Douglas

It's unapologetically leaning to the left, but this list of the most loathsome people of 2010 is pretty damn funny. I really like #41, but it was the #1 entry that got me to post it:

1) You
Charges: Your brain’s been cobbled together over millions of years of blind evolution and it shows. You’re clumsy, stupid, weak and motivated by the basest of urges. Your MO is both grotesquely selfish and unquestionably deferential to questionable authority. You’re not in control of your life. You wear your ignorance like a badge of honor and gleefully submit to oppression, malfeasance and kleptocracy. You will buy anything. You will believe anything. You believe that evolution is a matter of belief. You likely scrolled down to #1, without reading the rest, because you’re an impatient, semi-literate Philistine who’s either unable or unwilling to digest more than 140 characters at a time. You think Epic Beard Man is a national hero and that Bradley Manning might be Eli and Payton’s brother. You believe in American exceptionalism despite the contrary, compelling and overwhelming evidence. You tacitly partake in all manner of atrocity without batting a lash. You’re actively participating in our species’ extinction and you’re either in denial or you just don’t give a shit. You escape into every sort of mind-numbing distraction and ridiculous, convoluted fantasy, so you don’t have to face the bitter, terrifying fact that your life is utterly meaningless.
Aggravating factors: The careers of Rush Limbaugh, Oprah Winfrey, John Stossel and Justin Bieber; the success of The Secret, “Medium” and Atlas Shrugged; the election of Rand Paul; the existence of Kentucky, Texas and “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”
Sentence: Bad teeth, an affinity for afternoon tea and the guilt-plagued, nostalgic psyche of a fallen empire.

It's like they've known me all my life!

Posted 1/20/2011 08:19:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting little program that lets all those blowhards that won't shut up about how they'd fix the government have a chance to balance the budget. Be sure not to cut any programs or raise any taxes that would effect you personally.

Posted 1/17/2011 09:02:00 PM by Douglas

Who knew they flew cats on the vomit comet.



I wonder if they thought of this after watching the "Confuse-a-cat" sketch from Monty Python?

Posted 1/13/2011 09:28:00 PM by Douglas

The new 5th generation that we don't need to confront an enemy that couldn't possibly compete with it is overbudget. I'm surprised, too.

The F-35 fighter jet, set to replace a large part of the US warplane fleet, has become the most expensive weapons program ever, drawing increased scrutiny at a time of tight public finances.

Following a series of cost overruns and delays, the program is now expected to cost a whopping 382 billion dollars, for 2,443 aircraft.

Wow. And $382 Billion for 2,443 planes is about $156 million each, not $92 million. And at 29,300 pounds empty, that means each plane costs about $333. . . ounce.

Posted 1/13/2011 09:14:00 PM by Douglas

I find it interesting that the Palin video and Obama's speech at the memorial service in Tucson are being talked about in the same breath, but I think this guy's on to something. Caribou Barbie sounded a vindictive bitch that was trying to portray herself as the victim, while Barry knocked it out of the park.

In the span of a single news cycle, Republicans got a jarring reminder of two forces that could prevent them from retaking the presidency in next year.

At sunrise in the East on Wednesday, Sarah Palin demonstrated that she has little interest — or capacity — in moving beyond her brand of grievance-based politics. And at sundown in the West, Barack Obama reminded even his critics of his ability to rally disparate Americans around a message of reconciliation.

Palin was defiant, making the case in a taped speech she posted online why the nation’s heated political debate should continue unabated even after Saturday’s tragedy in Tucson. And, seeming to follow her own advice, she swung back at her opponents, deeming the inflammatory notion that she was in any way responsible for the shootings a “blood libel.”

Say what you will about Barry, but he delivers a good speech.

Posted 1/13/2011 08:15:00 PM by Douglas

Are you like me? Do you love your snuggie but feel it limits your movement, style and charm? Did you think it would be years before the fleece industry came up with another way to keep you warm while looking like a total knob? Well you are in luck. The "Forever Lazy" is even more effective at keeping you from playing with yourself.

Hey, baby, how 'bout we un-zip that ass-hatch in your pink toe-sack and get the is party started!

But if it's NOT dumb enough for you, you can always get a pair of pajama jeans.

Posted 1/11/2011 08:17:00 PM by Douglas

It took until today, but here's the dumbest idea yet in light of the shooting this Saturday.

Rep. Peter King (R-N.Y.), one of the few pro-gun control Republicans in the House, wants to make it illegal for someone to knowingly carry a gun within 1,000 feet of certain high-ranking federal officials, including members of Congress.

I'm sure this would discourage anyone from shooting a public official. Federal murder charges and a death penalty isn't getting the job done, so let's make it illegal to carry a gun. Makes perfect sense.

Posted 1/08/2011 12:06:00 PM by Douglas

Here come the dumb Stupor Bowl commercials. This one's getting a bit of attention for being a bit too "edgy." I don't think it's going to go over very well with the transubstantiation crowd.

Since it's his job to offer spiritual food to the flock, he takes it to another level (the pits, I'd say). The video shows the faithful lining up for Communion and getting Doritos (in two flavors, no less) instead of the wafer (which Catholics believe is the body of Christ and others see as symbolic of Christ). And, you guessed it, the wine, considered by Catholics to be the blood of Christ, is dished out as Pepsi MAX.

I don't know. It's pretty tacky, but offensive? That may be a stretch. But those offended by such things aren't know for their levity.



Reminds me of the joke about the Atkins friendly communion wafer, hilariously titled "I Can't Believe it's Not Jesus!"

Posted 1/06/2011 09:29:00 PM by Douglas

The good news? The results from your colonoscopy shows you don't have colon cancer and we found the source of your abdominal discomfort. The good news? Trust me, you don't want to know the good news, but we took care of it. You really don't want to see the picture.

The procedure was uncomplicated with no gross mucosal pathology, however, an insect was found in the transverse colon (Fig. 1, to the left), was found in the transverse colon on a routine screening colonoscopy.These morphologic findings were most consistent with the nymph form of Blattella germanica (German cockroach) of the Blattellidae family, a common household pest. The patient had a cockroach infestation at home and hence it was hypothesized that she may have inadvertently ingested a cockroach with food.

Yikes. Remember, just because you're crazy does not mean there aren't bugs living in your gut.

Posted 1/06/2011 09:14:00 PM by Douglas

The annual "make you feel old" post featuring all the stuff that's going to be unknown to kids born today. Besides wristwatches, most won't be missed. But this one will:

Kids born this year will never know what it was like to stand in a bar and incessantly argue the unknowable. Today the world's collective knowledge is on the computer in your pocket or purse. And since you have it with you at all times, why bother remembering anything?

What will drunk people find to argue about if everything is instantly verifiable?

Posted 1/06/2011 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

It's not every day you can take a picture of a partial solar eclipse with the International Space Station flying between you and the sun.

What you're seeing here is a double eclipse; the moon and the ISS simultaneously passing between the Earth and the sun. Also in the shot are groups of sunspots bubbling on the solar photosphere.

While the picture alone is one to remember, it's the sheer skill of the photographer that made this possible. The ISS transited the sun in less than a second (0.86 seconds to be precise), so not only did Legault have to be in the right place to see the ISS dash in front of the sun, his timing needed to be perfect.

Well, it's a spectacular photograph, but your math doesn't work out. A fellow nerd pointed out to me today (after sending me this link) that the sun subtends about half a degree of the sky, and the ISS completes 360º (one orbit) in about 90 minutes, so the ISS was in front of it for about 7.5 seconds, not 0.86 seconds.

Still, a great picture.

Posted 1/05/2011 08:22:00 PM by Douglas

No matter which way you cut it, 754 pounds is a lot of fish.

A giant bluefin tuna fetched a record 32.49 million yen, or nearly $396,000, in Tokyo on Wednesday, in the first auction of the year at the world's largest wholesale fish market.

"It was an exceptionally large fish," said the official, Yutaka Hasegawa. "But we were all surprised by the price."

Wow, that's a big tuna. He approves.

Posted 1/05/2011 07:50:00 PM by Douglas

In a vain attempt to secure our border with Mexico, the federal government spends $4 million of your money per each mile of this 20 second speed bump, adorably demonstrated by these two high school girls. Sleep tight America!

Posted 1/05/2011 07:46:00 PM by Douglas

Who in the hell is still sitting down at 5:30 every evening and waiting for a haircut in a suit to read the news to them?

In 2010, 65% of people younger than 30 cited the Internet as their go-to source for news, nearly doubling from 34% in 2007. The number who consider television as their main news source dropped from 68% to 52% during that time.

The only thing surprising about that is the TV news in on at all. Can people that watch it get their Boniva commercials on their Jitterbugs?

Posted 1/05/2011 07:41:00 PM by Douglas

Wanna see a picture of a monkey in a kimono taking a picture of a chesty broad in a bikini? Who could possibly answer no to that question?