Posted 7/03/2002 09:17:00 AM by Douglas

Joe Bob Briggs is a pure genius, and it doesn't matter what he writes about, I'm gonna read it because he makes it interesting. This time out, it's Cher, a 'performer' I haven't been interested in since, well, ever. But the description of the show at Madison Square Garden is pure Joe Bob
The Tao of Cher

She cracks a whip in a circus mistress outfit, complete with P.T. Barnum Mad Hatter headgear, as the stage swarms with pastel bare-breasted eunuchs in jeweled hats -- (did we just land in the world's biggest gay bar?) -- which gives her just enough time to switch into harem pants and a baby-blue concubine outfit while singing "Baby, It's All About Me Now" while giant psychedelic video screens twirl behind her. It is SO all about her now.

All I can say is that this show shook Madison Square Garden more than any Knicks game in its history, and the sound was so deafening, the bass beat so relentless, that it was all-dancing, all-the-time, like a retro-glam super-rave for people who normally have to take naps in the afternoon. At one point she made some catty remarks about J. Lo and Britney, as if to say, "Let those bitches top THIS!"

So what's funnier: Seeing a 56 year old woman that's comprised of more plastic than the new Corvette gallivanting around in public like a Circus gimp, or seeing Joe Bob in the audience full of people that "normally have to take naps in the afternoon." I would have loved to have seen it, but the show in the audience is probably just as interesting as the trainwreck going on onstage.