Posted 5/28/2007 11:47:00 AM by Douglas

Interesting article on Star Wars' 30th anniversary. This quote from Luke cracked me up:

Hamill says he did not know what to expect when he signed on for the film. "I saw the script and thought, 'If no one gets it, it's going to be hysterical. It's going to be The Rocky Horror Picture Show in space.' I thought it could be a comedy. So I decided the only way to play it was to be completely convinced of it, otherwise it would be a comedy."

I can see how it could be viewed as 'campy' back in the day before Star Wars became, you know Star Wars.

Ironic that he thought one of the most popular and financially successful movies of all time was going to bomb, yet Lucas trotted the prequels with all the fanfare of the second coming, only to have them suck more than a black hole.

Posted 5/27/2007 08:35:00 PM by Douglas

A rain shortened Indy 500 is like a tie in college football: Why bother? Well, it turns out, the only person I didn't want to win was in the lead spot when it started to rain, so he's the winner, by default.

Dario Franchitti prayed for rain as the dark clouds gathered above and fast cars filled his mirrors. "It was going to come down to a dogfight, and there's a lot of strong cars," the Scotsman said. "Whatever happened, if it came down to that dogfight, it was going to be hard, so I was hoping for the rain."

Franchitti inherited the lead when the leaders pitted one last time for fuel, even as the skies darkened, and then drove slowly to the checkered flag in a downpour when the race was stopped after 166 laps, or 415 of the scheduled 500 miles.

"Our roll of the dice proved to be the lucky one," a jubilant Franchitti said. "I made a couple of good restarts and the rain came."

None too soon by Franchitti's reckoning.

What is this, the fucking NBA? You don't win by "being ahead when it's over." Oh well. Why didn't I want him to win? Because he's the only person that started today that, win or lose, gets to sleep with Ashley Judd tonight. And that's just not fair.

One or the other, bub!

Labels: IRL 2007

Posted 5/25/2007 04:47:00 PM by Douglas

Another "future of NASA" article, this one not so rosy. This one gets kinda silly:

Meanwhile, geologic studies increasingly show that catastrophic asteroid and comet hits were not confined to ancient times. In 1908, a small asteroid smacked Siberia with a blast impact equivalent to the strongest nuclear bomb ever detonated by the US; recent evidence suggests an enormous object struck the Indian Ocean a mere 4,800 years ago, causing global tsunamis that may have engendered the Flood referred to in the Bible. Yet NASA has no program to research ways of deflecting space objects, and the agency recently told Congress it could not spare $1 billion to catalog the locations and movements of potentially dangerous asteroids. But hundreds of billions of dollars for a moon base? No problem!

Well, no and no. NASA's job, regardless of what Bruce Willis told you in Armageddon, is not to blow up asteroids on that one in a trillion chance that Earth would get hit by one that could do significant damage. But, some of their criticisms in this article are fair. The Shuttle doesn't have anywhere to 'go.' The Station is being micro-managed like a glorified apartment building for seemingly no other purpose than to micro-manage it. Fair enough. Powerful political districts in Florida, Ohio, Texas and lets not forget California have dictated the continuation of this program. Again, fair enough.

But the question is where are we going and why? The other article I posted today really hits that one on the head, while this guy is just whining about it.

Look, in the words of my sweet little grey-haired mother, "shit or get off the pot." We're either going to have a manned spaceflight program, or we're not. If we are, then fulfilling mankind's quest for exploring the unknown should be enough justification. We need to "shoot down asteroids" about as much as we need to "inspire kids to study calculus." That's complete and utter horse shit.

But yet, for some reason, I love their patch:

Posted 5/25/2007 04:36:00 PM by Douglas

Great article on the future of the manned spaceflight program, or at least what it should be.

Now, we are back to something like the ’60s approach again, human space exploration for its own sake. The question is still, “Why?” If we don’t know why we are doing something then we are going to have major problems planning that effort—and have even greater problems in justifying it.

The first thing we have to do is realize that the old, previously used justifications are going to have to be tossed over the side of the boat and allowed to sink out of sight. Let’s face some facts: the justifications we used before not only did not work, they ultimately led to disaster.

The old "because it's there" is the best justification I can think of, but that a real tough sell when you want to do it with public money. But I totally agree with the stunts needing to end, stop the "for the kids" and spin-offs bullshit.

We need to state, up front and forth with, that manned space exploration represents the ultimate act of self-actualization for the human race in general and the United States of America in particular. We need to say that we need to send humans “out there” in order to feel that we—as a race and as a nation—are complete, individually and collectively. It’s not just about demonstrating leadership. It’s not just about satisfying the questing human spirit. It’s about all those things, but especially, it is about what we should do next after we have satisfied our lower-level needs. We all really think that; let’s not be afraid to say it out loud.

Damn right. I don't think I could say anything I didn't already say here, but sometimes it's easier to go than it is not to. After all, you don't know what you'll find on a voyage of discovery until you get there.

Posted 5/25/2007 04:18:00 PM by Douglas

How to lose your pilot's license quite quickly.

A pilot in a single-engine plane entered restricted air space over the Kennedy Space Center and was escorted down Tuesday, officials said. The incident did not disrupt the planned launch of space shuttle Atlantis next month.

The plane "was within sight of the launch pad," said NASA spokesman George Diller.

The restricted air space is about 10 miles by 30 miles and is clearly marked on air charts, Diller said. Since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, pilots have not been allowed within the area at any time.

"He clearly should have known," Diller said.

A sheriff's office helicopter from Volusia County escorted the plane down to the Ormond Beach Municipal Airport, where it was searched for explosives and drugs, said sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson. Nothing suspicious was detected, he said.

"Should have" known? No, everyone in central Florida knows what goes on at the pad, and a licensed pilot is required to know what he can and cannot fly over. Guess what? The freakin' space shuttle is in the "can't fly over" category.

Hope you enjoyed your last flight, moron. Did you get some pictures?

Posted 5/25/2007 04:00:00 PM by Douglas

Ron Paul continues to stir the shit with the Republicans. This story has been all over the net, but you know it's big news if the Chronicle is picking it up.

When Ron Paul, the relatively unknown libertarian-leaning congressman from Lake Jackson, declared earlier this year that he was entering the Republican presidential race, his announcement was greeted with yawns.

But Paul, the only GOP candidate to oppose the Iraq war, created a splash recently when he clashed during a debate with the party's front-runner, Rudolph Giuliani, who took issue with the Texan's remarks that past U.S. involvement in the Middle East fueled terrorist attacks in America.

Since then, Paul has been roasted by critics who have questioned his Republican credentials and whether he should even be allowed to participate in future debates. But he has also become a hero to others who have flooded Web sites with comments praising his honesty and anti-war stance. Tonight, Paul is scheduled on Real Time with Bill Maher, the HBO show with a provocative liberal host.

Wow. I know it's important to get on TV when running for office, but Bill Maher? I'm pretty sure if he were any dumber, he'd have to be watered. More on the gaffe with Rudy:

The exchange resulted in intense follow-up media coverage and reaction, including a vow by Michigan GOP Chairman Saul Anuzis to circulate a petition among members of the Republican National Committee to bar Paul from future debates.

Anuzis said Paul's remarks were "off the wall and out of whack," adding: "I think he would have felt more comfortable on the stage with the Democrats in what he said last night."

Wow, are they really that stupid? The answer is, of course, yes. No one has read the 9/11 Commission report. At least when they were blaming Iraq for 9/11, it was tangible, if not credible. Now we're back to "they hate our freedom" bullshit again? Random internet commenter, close it out for us:

"He may call himself a Republican, but he is outside of either party. Ron Paul in the White House would indicate a sea change for the United States," a Technorati responder wrote.

I'm trying real hard to figure out how either one of those assessments could be construed as pejorative. Nope, got nuthin'.

Posted 5/24/2007 05:05:00 PM by Douglas

I'm stuck on a de Tocqueville kick today. No idea why, but here's a pithy quote-a-thon:

• A democratic government is the only one in which those who vote for a tax can escape the obligation to pay it.
• All those who seek to destroy the liberties of a democratic nation ought to know that war is the surest and shortest means to accomplish it.
• No protracted war can fail to endanger the freedom of a democratic country.
• There are two things which a democratic people will always find very difficult - to begin a war and to end it.
• Consider any individual at any period of his life, and you will always find him preoccupied with fresh plans to increase his comfort.
• In a revolution, as in a novel, the most difficult part to invent is the end.
• Liberty cannot be established without morality, nor morality without faith.
• There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle.
• The greatness of America lies not in being more enlightened than any other nation, but rather in her ability to repair her faults.

And of course, his genius observation. Even in the 1820s, he knew what so many democracy worshipers still don't know today:

• The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money.

How eerily prophetic. For example, this unapologic quote from today:

"I had to make a decision to find a revenue source for issues important to me," he said. "It won't impact business and will serve a good cause."

Way to go. Extort money from one group to pay another. The American way!

Labels: de tocqueville, houston titties

Posted 5/23/2007 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Quick question: Is there anyone out there, and yes, I'm including those of you with shame-cracked "W '04" stickers still on your SUVs, that could possibly believe that this could be construed as "defensive?"

How very sad.

The U.S. Navy staged its latest show of military force off the Iranian coastline on Wednesday, sending two aircraft carriers and landing ships packed with 17,000 U.S. Marines and sailors to carry out unannounced exercises in the Persian Gulf.

The carrier strike groups led by the USS John C. Stennis and USS Nimitz were joined by the amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard and its own strike group, which includes landing ships carrying members of the 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit.

Groovy. Because we need three aircraft carriers and 17,000 Marines for "exercises."

Don't we have to finish one disastrous war/troop occupation before we can start another one? Oh yeah, Japan, Germany, The Philippines, Guam. I guess not.

Posted 5/21/2007 05:51:00 PM by Douglas

The web is an amazing tool for bringing people together, whether it's someone who want to buy a hubcap off an 87 Buick from a guy in Phoenix, a teenager that wants to listen to a Cheeta Girls song, and let's not even bring up dating sites. So it was just a matter of time before people that want to borrow money find people with money to loan. On its face, it sounds like a brilliant idea. If you're making 5% on your savings account and someone in California is paying 20% on a credit card, why not split the difference at 10% and everyone goes home happy? Of course, you accept the risk of that person not paying, but you can buy such a small portion of someone's debt, you could still come out ahead even if you bought some lemons.

Some how I think something like this might be in the future for some of these people.

Posted 5/21/2007 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

This site has been around for a long time (check the faq) but leave it to Penn and/or Teller to crank it up a notch with this video. Wow, people are stupid. I wonder if any of those sign-happy morons knows what "power of attorney" means, or if they'd sign that too?

Posted 5/21/2007 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Not that the money is the only aspect to consider with Houston's latest crack-down on strip clubs, but $6 Million?!? Are you freakin' kidding me? Have the puritanical reactionaries that think men are going to stop wanting to look at women's boobs if Sugar isn't twisting her ass on stage offered up any kind of compensatory solution to the loss in tax base? I think not.

During the 10 years the city has fought in court for tougher rules regulating Houston's strip clubs, it has also accepted at least $6 million of their money.

That's the city's cut from nearly half a billion dollars in beer, wine and liquor sales inside the dozens of topless clubs that have operated since 1997, according to state tax records examined by the Houston Chronicle.

That was the year the City Council adopted a strict new ordinance regulating the clubs and other places defined as sexually oriented businesses. Among many new rules, the law prohibits them from operating near schools, churches, parks and one another.

$500 Million dollars generated in a voluntary, consensual, yet heavily regulated business in Houston alone. The mind set behind this law is just mind numbing. Houston, you want to see prostitution numbers soar? Shut down the tittie bars.

Labels: houston titties

Posted 5/21/2007 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Inflation? What inflation?!?

It's like a summer movie: the incredible shrinking dollar.

Since the beginning of the year, the buck has shrunk 5 percent – the equivalent of a 20 percent annual decline – compared with the pound and the euro.

Hmmm, but why would the Fed, with its stranglehold on our fiat dollar, let this happen?

But the shriveling value of the dollar may eventually help solve one of the most intractable US economic problems: the enormous trade deficit, which hit $63.9 billion in March, the highest level since September of last year.

What?!? The FED devalues the dollar so it can afford to pay off our war debt? When has that ever happened? Oh yeah, 1920, 1946, and 1968. Get ready for it, suckers.

Posted 5/20/2007 01:20:00 PM by Douglas

News flash! It's summer, and it's going to get hot. But not in Texas

Temperatures will be the hottest in the Northeast, the Great Lakes region and the Midwest. Texas is expected to be one of the few exceptions to the expected hotter-than-normal conditions.

Why can't I get paid to make up this shit?

Posted 5/20/2007 01:19:00 PM by Douglas

Traffic cameras. Remember, it's about safety, not money.

Members of a Texas Senate committee are shocked that a full-time police officer is receiving monetary payments from photo enforcement company. Marble Falls Reserve Police Officer Steve Eckstein admitted Tuesday that he worked in uniform 40 hours a week for the city, but his entire salary comes from Nestor Traffic Systems. When asked specifically when his duties were to the police and when they were for Nestor, Eckstein responded, "At the same time."

Eckstein testified that the police chief had recruited him to take the payment from Nestor in December. Members of the Criminal Justice Committee suggested that it was a direct conflict of interest to use police buildings, uniform and equipment to generate profit for a private company.

Ya think? Yet having these same uniformed officers making money for insurance companies by enforcing seat belt laws is A-Ok, right?

Posted 5/20/2007 12:24:00 PM by Douglas

More fodder for this month's issue of Duh! magazine.

Korea Information Society Development Institute chief Suk Ho-ick was delivering a lecture on the Korean IT industry at a breakfast meeting with 30 business figures at the Lotte Hotel in Seoul on Wednesday. Talking about the importance of the female workforce as a growth potential for the 21st century, he said, “Women are more developed creatures than men since they have one more hole.”

They can cook, too!

Labels: Duh

Posted 5/20/2007 12:18:00 PM by Douglas

Two words in this story that kinda surprised me for a second: Nigerian Satellite.

China has successfully launched a communications satellite for Nigeria.

The official Xinhua news agency says it is the first time that a foreign buyer has purchased both a Chinese satellite and its launching service.

The Nigerian Communication Satellite NIGCOMSAT-1 is expected to offer broadcasting, phone and broadband internet services for Africa.

China beat 21 other bidders in 2004 for the $311m contract to launch the satellite, Xinhua says.

Hey, American companies that used to corner the market on global launch services; wake up!

China is expanding its space programme, and in 2003 became only the third country to launch a man into space.

This is one of 30 foreign satellites China has been commissioned to launch, Xinhua reports.

Meanwhile, Lockheed Martin is making a lot of money blowing up people over large distances.

Posted 5/20/2007 12:12:00 PM by Douglas

I love stories that point out the utter uselessness of the political process.

Two candidates in the Philippines who got the same number of votes in a local election have settled the issue of who won by tossing a coin.

Bryan Byrd Bellang and Benjamin Ngeteg tied for the last of eight council seats in Bontoc, a resort town some 280km (175 miles) north of Manila.

They agreed to the coin toss, set down in local election rules. Mr Bellang called heads and won the seat.

Why bother voting at all? Best 4 out of 7 in rock, paper, scissors and be done with it.

Posted 5/20/2007 11:57:00 AM by Douglas

It's time for a candidate with claws.

Posted 5/19/2007 01:15:00 PM by Douglas

It's fascinating what humans do in search of the opposite sex. Men are just as guilty at doing dumb shit, but this is downright funny:

AFTER more than two years of disheartening online dating, Charlotte Kullen resolved to spend less time pursuing men and more time pursuing her hobbies. She plunged into tennis, running, sailing, horseback riding, fitness boot camp and scuba diving classes, assuming that somewhere between the situps and the strapping on of fins she might meet some eligible prospects.

She did. They all just happened to be women.

This and other groundbreaking stories in this month's issue of Duh! magazine. Imagine, no men in a horseback riding class? Oh wait, it didn't say she was looking for straight men. It gets better:

Yet in New York City, in many (if not most) adult courses, the women are numerous and the men are few — for approximately the same reason that men behind the wheel don’t ask for directions. It goes against the male grain to acknowledge ignorance about a subject, said professionals who organize classes.

There's some truth in that, but that's not why men eschew classes: they'd just rather jump in and try something that waste time in a class.

Dustin Goodwin, 38, a member of the Manhattan Sailing Club (he does not take classes because he already knows how to sail) said that he has not found it difficult to meet women. But, he said: “I don’t think that I’ve ever thought that going to take a class would be a brilliant way to meet somebody. But now that you mention it ...”

So the word is out: Lonely women take classes looking for men. Now that the word is out, I'm sure Thai cooking, jazz appreciation and tennis classes will soon fill up with lecherous vultures looking for lonely, desperate women. Happy hunting, fellas!

Labels: Duh

Posted 5/19/2007 01:00:00 PM by Douglas

Salty talk in an "ornate" meeting room just off the floor of the United States Senate.

At a bipartisan gathering in an ornate meeting room just off the Senate floor, McCain complained that Cornyn was raising petty objections to a compromise plan being worked out between Senate Republicans and Democrats and the White House. He used a curse word associated with chickens and accused Cornyn of raising the issue just to torpedo a deal.

Things got really heated when Cornyn accused McCain of being too busy campaigning for president to take part in the negotiations, which have gone on for months behind closed doors. "Wait a second here," Cornyn said to McCain. "I've been sitting in here for all of these negotiations and you just parachute in here on the last day. You're out of line."

"[Expletive] you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room," shouted McCain at Cornyn. McCain helped craft a bill in 2006 that passed the Senate but couldn't be compromised with a House bill that was much tougher on illegal immigrants.

All that campaigning has made the Gentleman from Arizona a wee bit cranky, it seems.

Posted 5/19/2007 11:57:00 AM by Douglas

Unbelievably maddening. First off, it's remarkable that Ron Paul and Rudy Giuliani are participating in a Republican debate parallel press conference at all: Giuliani is a communist and Paul is a libertarian. But Ron Paul goes out on a limb with the assessment that with regards to our disastrous foreign policy, our actions have consequences, and maybe the 9/11 attacks didn't occur because "they hate our freedom" or Britney Spears videos. Watch:

Wow. I know Rudy's no mental giant, but wow:

That's an extraordinary statement of someone who lived through the attack of Sept. 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq. I don't think I've ever heard that before and I've heard some pretty absurd explanations for Sept. 11.

The most disgusting part of that exchange? The thunderous applause after he made that statement. I guess I should expect everyone in the audience of a FoxNews debate to be that stupid, but I would have expected Giuliani to have read the 9/11 Commission Report. At least this part, section 2.2, "BIN LADIN'S APPEAL IN THE ISLAMIC WORLD." Guess what? They don't hate us for our freedom:

His rhetoric selectively draws from multiple sources-Islam, history, and the region's political and economic malaise. He also stresses grievances against the United States widely shared in the Muslim world. He inveighed against the presence of U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia, the home of Islam's holiest sites. He spoke of the suffering of the Iraqi people as a result of sanctions imposed after the Gulf War, and he protested U.S. support of Israel.

But back to Rudy's diatribe. Paul never said we "invited" the attacks. He implied that maybe some of our actions overseas could piss off some people that have nothing to lose, which I think most reasonable people could agree with. Just not at the Republican debate, but to go full bore hysterically crazy, you gotta go with Sean Hannity. Watch:

What a virulent wanker. Hell is the impossibility of reason, and that's exactly what this sounds like. How can you discuss something with a person who has made up their mind on the issue based on an emotional overreaction?

What a pathetic commentary on the state of political discourse in this country.

Posted 5/19/2007 11:31:00 AM by Douglas

Apparently not even Wal-Mart can kill a meth-head in the parking lot and get away with it.

The nation's largest retailer will pay nearly $750,000 to the family of a suspected shoplifter who suffocated as employees held him down in a parking lot outside a northeast Harris County store.

Stacy Clay Driver, 29, died Aug. 7, 2005, in a Wal-Mart parking lot as someone sat on him while he was face-down and handcuffed, said Brad Frye, an attorney for the family.

"One or more people were on his body and he couldn't breathe," Frye said this week. "This was a senseless, senseless death."

The case went to mediation before being settled in March, he said.

An autopsy showed that Driver had methamphetamine in his system when he was chased into the parking lot by a "loss prevention" employee at the store in Atascocita, where he was wrestled to the hot pavement.

Maybe they need to train a "loss of life prevention" employee for this kind of thing? Ok, someone stood on his back/neck until he passed out. Sounds like someone would be held responsible for that, no?

His death was ruled a homicide caused by asphyxia from neck and chest compression. The autopsy report listed a contributing factor as overheating with methamphetamine toxicity.

Frye said the methamphetamine may have contributed to Driver's death, but didn't cause it.

A Harris County grand jury in July 2006 declined to indict anyone in the case.

No indictment because he was a tweeker, no doubt. Who knows, but that's a lot of money:

According to court documents, an initial sum of $550,000 will go to Driver's wife, Wendy, their son, Ashton, and Driver's father, H.C. Driver.

The son also will receive $25,000 on his 25th birthday, almost $70,000 on his 30th and $100,000 on his 35th birthday, court papers show.

So only $5,000 goes to the lawyer?

It's a senseless death, but as I said before, don't get high and steal shit and security guards won't sit on you in the parking lot.

Posted 5/17/2007 05:57:00 PM by Douglas

So I thought I thought I was reading an article on our Abogado Generalisimo and his continued hubris for suggesting attempted copyright infringement. I mean honestly, do they give Nobel Prizes for attempted chemistry? But I digress. This is the part that pegged my appalled o' meter:

Create a new crime of life imprisonment for using pirated software.

What the fruck? Life?!? Life in prison for pirated software? The hospital example they used is totally bullshit because causing someone's death (whether with software or not) is already illegal. But let's get real, folks, the only way "piracy" and "life sentence" should even be in the same sentence is if they're also accompanied by the words rape, pillage, or booty, and the defendant should preferably have a hook for a hand.

Posted 5/17/2007 05:49:00 PM by Douglas

Ok, so here's $50 Million, but there's a catch. You have to turn it into $500 Million in 25 years, or else the Okies get the interest.

Legendary oilman Boone Pickens is giving the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center its biggest gift ever — $50 million — with an unusual string attached.

Under the deal announced Wednesday, M.D. Anderson has 25 years to grow the donation to $500 million, at which time it will be free to use the money however it wants. If it fails to reach that level, the interest earned over the years will go to Oklahoma State University, Pickens' alma mater.

"They initially scratched their heads, then came back and said, 'We can do that,' " said Pickens, 78, who last year formed the T. Boone Pickens Foundation to make charitable donations. "It's a great way to get 10 for one on your money."

I like the spirit of the gift, but it's kinda sick. Now OSU has a vested interest (literally) in seeing UT's investment fail. That can't be good. But sounds like it was done in the best spirit:

Pickens had fun with the fact that the combined $100 million gift makes an OSU alumnus the UT System's top living donor. It won't be long, he said, "before UT guys sitting around the table figure out" how to stop "a guy from Oklahoma State from occupying the top spot."

The gauntlet has been laid down, Longhorns!

Posted 5/15/2007 05:59:00 PM by Douglas

In case found photos wasn't voyeuristic enough for you, check out flickrvision. Or, probably don't. It's kind of addictive.

Posted 5/15/2007 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

What do you call someone driving 75 mph in a 45 zone? A speeder, right? Well, what if that person has a BAL above the 0.08% legal limit? Then they're a DWI, they lose their license, get their car towed and probably face about $5,000 in fines, right? Well what do you call it if they're a MADD volunteer? Hilarious.

A volunteer for Mothers Against Drunk Driving who has lobbied state lawmakers for stricter drunken driving laws has been cited for driving under the influence, police say.

Amy D'Aniello, 31, of North Branford, was charged with operating under the influence of alcohol and speeding early Sunday morning after she was pulled over for allegedly driving 75 mph in a 45 mph zone on Route 80, police said.

A call seeking comment was placed to D'Aniello Tuesday.

The incident occurred about 2:30 a.m. when a police officer was tracking traffic. Police say the officer smelled alcohol on D'Aniello's breath, and she tested at an unspecified amount above the state's 0.08 legal limit.

Locking up MADD volunteers isn't a good way to deal with the stupid laws that they advocate, but forgive me while I laugh my ass off as this poor person guilty of nothing more than bad judgment has to suffer through the same hell that her group advocates for everyone that has a beer on the way home from work.

Posted 5/15/2007 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

This week's award for pointing out that psychos shouldn't have guns, but yet somehow, it's the gun's fault goes to Robert Jay Lifton. And for pointing this out for the 1,745th time, you just won an oven mitt! [see stores for details.]

The combination of mental disease and access to guns leaps out at almost everyone in connection with the Virginia Tech shootings. But from there ideas and advocacies tend to become amorphous and tinged with hopelessness. There is consensus that something should be done to intervene earlier in threatening forms of psychological disturbance, and as a psychiatrist I agree and also recognize some of the social obstacles to doing so. But while there will always be mentally ill people, a few of whom are violent, it is our gun-centered cultural disease that converts mental illness into massacre.

Indeed, I would claim that a gun is not just a lethal device but a psychological actor in this terrible drama.

Sure you would. A head-shrinker will blame the gun just as quickly as the gun dealer will blame the psycho. That's to be expected. But only one of those two participants is an inanimate object, and the shrink has chose to argue with them. Good luck.

Also, this guy needs another dumbass award for using the word "indeed" twice in a 500 word op-ed. What an ass.

Posted 5/15/2007 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

China's economy is growing, seemingly without bounds. Can anything slow it down? How 'bout we export our disastrous American educational system? [Loved the headline]

But all is not lost. There was good news in the April 1 New York Times Magazine, in an article by Ann Hulbert entitled “Re-education.” Hulbert describes the enthusiasm among Chinese for American-style education. She opens with the story of Harvard freshman Tang Meijie, an exceptional young woman from Shanghai who earned her way into Harvard by bucking the usual academic grind in China and focusing instead on extracurrriculars. Meijie is on our side: “There is something in the American educational system that helps America hold its position in the world.” Meijie’s goal is to bring American-style liberal education to China.

Our master plan for dumbing-down Chinese education, however, is not just about atmospherics or theatrics. Let’s not forget: this is American educationism. And that means theory. Hulbert eventually gets to this: “If there is an American figure to whom Chinese proponents of more active, multidimensional, student-centered learning have listened especially attentively over the past half-decade, it is Howard Gardner of the Harvard Graduate School of Education.” Gardner is, of course, the originator of “Multiple Intelligences” theory, or M.I., the charming idea that intelligence isn’t a single capacity but many separate capacities. Gardner’s theory has instant democratic appeal since it implies that no one is truly dumb. We are all just different. I may have trouble with calculus, but I’m really good at skipping stones. I have stone-skipping intelligence. So there.

Let us be patient. It took nearly a century for the “reforms” of Dewey’s progressivism to make American schools into places that cultivate self-assurance over knowledge, co-operation over achievement, blandness over distinction, and dullness over everything. Gardner is widely recognized as one of Dewey’s most important heirs, and we need to give his ideas some time to turn China into a nation of self-satisfied ignoramuses.

But when they become as lazy and stupid as Americans, who will make a dozen tube socks for $1.99?

Posted 5/14/2007 05:54:00 PM by Douglas

The RIAA is at it again, this time targeting college students with their litigious zeal over file sharing.

Barg couldn't imagine anyone expected her to pay $3,000 — $7.87 per song — for some 1980s ballads and Spice Girls tunes she downloaded for laughs in her dorm room. Besides, the 20-year-old had friends who had downloaded thousands of songs without repercussion.

"Obviously I knew it was illegal, but no one got in trouble for it," Barg said.

Typical legal strong-arming. Go after college students who don't have any money and offer a relatively cheap buy-out so as to scare the crap out of the other million students that are file sharing.

I'm not going to add any value to the millions of column inches that have been devoted to this in the past, and the intellectual property aspects of file sharing are complicated, but where the RIAA is fundamentally wrong is that a shared file does not equate to a lost CD sale. It's not hard to imagine that a person might download a song or two by someone they're curious about and then go buy their entire catalog. Or, on the other hand, they could listen to that one song and realize it's total crap. Stealing a CD in a store is much more heinous because that theft prohibits someone else from buying it. File sharing doesn't even come close, and for an new upstart band without distribution, file sharing is their answer to their prayers: Getting their music out through the most efficient means available.

"Technically, I'm guilty. I just think it's ridiculous, the way they're going about it," Barg said. "We have to find a way to adjust our legal policy to take into account this new technology, and so far, they're not doing a very good job."

Technically, you're an idiot. Of course you're "guilty," but that doesn't mean it's OK just because it's a dumb law.

The only positive outcome from this is that the RIAA's spiraling legal costs will become prohibitive (even for their deep pockets), thus adding so much cost to each CD price that the studio system collapses under it's own legal fees. Then we can start over.

Labels: RIAA

Posted 5/14/2007 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Now that's a fat pussy.

Dr Melrose says Australian studies show one in three cats and dogs are overweight or obese and fears the situation is similar here.

"Many Kiwis simply can't see they are harming their pets with too much food and too little exercise," he says.

"If they knew the extent of the harm, they would be horrified."

Seriously, how does a cat even get that big?

Posted 5/11/2007 05:01:00 PM by Douglas

What a sad footnote to drug addiction in the civilized world.

Inventors have created a soap infused with caffeine which helps users wake up in the morning.

The soap, called Shower Shock, supplies the caffeine equivalent of two cups of coffee per wash, with the stimulant absorbed naturally through the skin, manufacturers say.

“Tired of waking up and having to wait for your morning java to brew? Are you one of those groggy early morning types that just needs the extra kick?” ask the makers, thinkgeek.com.

I'm not trying to say caffeine is in the same ballpark with cocaine or heroin. Heck, it's not even in the same league with marijuana (because caffeine is addictive) but are you freakin' kidding me? The same people that would pass judgment on someone that so much as tried cocaine or heroin one time are so addicted to caffeine that they have to take it transdermally? What's next, caffeine suppositories? (stay away from the special dark roast) What a thin line these hypocrites tread if they support the drug war and advocate incarceration for people who have "let a substance take control of their lives."

A razor thin, jittery, jittery line.

Posted 5/11/2007 04:51:00 PM by Douglas

My cow has two noses!!

How does it smell?

Awful!

Mark Krombholz had to look twice at his new calf, Lucy — one time for each nose. "I didn't notice anything too different about her until I got her in the barn," Krombholz said, "and all of a sudden I went to feed her a bottle of milk, and I thought maybe she'd been kicked in the nose and there were two noses there."

The second, smaller nose sits on top of the first.

"It's a functioning nose because the middle of her second nose, the flap would go in and out when she drank out of the bottle like that," Krombholz said. "It was kind of funny."

It is kind of funny. Why does that cow have a pig nose on its cow nose? I think Mark needs to do some work on his fences.

Posted 5/10/2007 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

For a small West Texas town, keeping out negative elements that brings down their standard of living isn't easy. Sure, 45,000 tons of nuclear waste is ok, but you want to drink a beer? What, are you freakin' crazy?

The West Texas county that stores nuclear waste and is vying for another radioactive project now will consider whether to allow residents to buy alcohol.

Voters in Andrews County, which borders New Mexico, will decide Saturday whether to allow beer, wine and alcohol sales.

Supporters say allowing alcohol would help the city of Andrews grow and retain workers. Opponents say the economic benefit won't offset less desirable elements, increased domestic violence, prostitution and drugs, which come along with bars and liquor stores.

"I think it'll be bringing a wrong message," said Ellen Hoffman, a member of the Keep Andrews Dry coalition. "I'm very opposed to it."

Unbelievable. I wonder if these people think that domestic violence, prostitution and drugs don't exist in dry counties? The drug thing is a no brainer. It's much easier to get drugs, especially if you're under 21, than it is to get a beer.

"We're growing, but I think we need this outlet as a choice for people," Hester said. "I simply see this as something that our county's going to need if we're going to come into the 21st century."

Come into the "21st" century? Try 19th, Tommy.

About 10 miles west of the city is Waste Control Specialists, a site currently storing 45,000 tons of Cold War-era radioactive waste brought from a shuttered Ohio plant. The county also wants to bring a nuclear reactor, called a High Temperature Teaching and Test Reactor, to the area.

Sounds lovely. I'd want a bottle if I lived there, too. Crazy, overreacting puritanical nanny, drive it home for us:

Hoffman said employers, including those whose employees handle radioactive materials, should be concerned about workers' safety.

"What company wants you to drink all night and work with radiation all the next day?" she said.

Is anyone advocating alcoholism, you fucking retard? No. Did you consider the possibility that someone living in the toxic waste dump you call a city might want to have a beer before dinner? Maybe they don't want to drive to Tahoka to get it? Maybe they want to keep what little money currently circulating in Andrews to actually stay in Andrews so maybe someone beside the Toxic Avenger would want to live there.

Just a thought.

Posted 5/10/2007 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

We all know strip clubs are an easy target for the bloody do-gooders that want to keep lonely guys from seeing boobs while they drink a beer. That's easy enough to understand, because who is going to defend them? But that doesn't mean anyone can just extort from them, does it? Meet Ellen Cohen.

Strip club patrons will have to pay an extra $5 at the door, under a bill that passed the House on Wednesday.

State Rep. Ellen Cohen, a freshman Democrat and president of the Houston Area Women's Center, sponsored the measure, which would provide $18 million for sexual-assault programs by tacking a $5 state fee on admissions to sexually oriented businesses that provide live entertainment.

"I am simply thrilled that this bill will help provide much-needed services for sexual assault survivors," Cohen said. "To me, this victory was in honor of the over 1.9 million sexual assault survivors in Texas today and in memory of those who did not survive."

First off, I don't see the connection. Women's centers need funding, too, but why get it from strip club cover charges? If you're going to extort money from strip club patron, why not put it to something that will have a greater impact on those that work there? Regrettable tattoo removal? How 'bout counseling and/or lessons for the dancer's kids in the delicate art of awkward breakfast conversation with strange men?

But the do-gooding puritanicals that want to legislate morality will introducing this stupid bullshit while the titty-bars rake in money hand over lap. Meanwhile, Houston spends millions in a vain attempt to keep two consenting adults from doing what they want to in a dimly lit bar.

It's a big bill for so few clothes.

The city has spent nearly $1.3 million since 1997 on outside lawyers to defend a sweeping sexually oriented business ordinance against legal challenges from topless bars, adult book stores and "modeling" studios, officials say.

That figure doesn't include the likely equal amount of time city lawyers have spent over the years supporting and advising the outside legal team.

Sleep tight, Houston, knowing the city and state are working overtime protecting the public from your dangerous boner.

Labels: houston titties

Posted 5/10/2007 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Mother of the year, she's not.

A mother suspected of selling her 15-year-old daughter to a man accused of child sex crimes has been indicted for the alleged $3,000 sale.

Tina Valdez, 37, reported her daughter missing to authorities in August, claiming the teen was a runaway, Archer County Sheriff Ed Daniels said today. Valdez had a note she told police her daughter had written that said the teen was going to look for her father, Daniels said.

Late last month and after federal authorities had spoken to the teen, who was in Mexico, Valdez told investigators that she had sold her daughter while they interviewed her about filing a false report about her daughter being a runaway, he said.

"She just needed money, clothes and food," Daniels said.

Wow, $3k for a 15 year old? Shop around, you can't beat that price!!

Posted 5/10/2007 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

Be sure and check on local air traffic before you start your 17 acre cadaver farm. Don't want to share the airspace with the buzzards. Wait, what?

Texas State University's plan to build the nation's largest "body farm" of cadavers is on hold after scrapping its proposed site amid concerns that buzzards could endanger nearby planes.

The university will now scout a new location for what will be only the third body farm in the nation. The school had hoped to begin burying bodies later this year.

This is the kind of shit that eats up my tax dollars when CSI: San Marcos goes into syndication.

Plans for the site included a razor-wire fence around the property, vulture-proof cages to protect exposed bodies and a 70-foot grass buffer around the site to absorb rain runoff.

What an excellent way to study bodies left outside in overturned shopping carts. What about studying the more probable outcome of, oh, Ida know, a body picked apart by buzzards?

And is there a glut in the international cadaver market? Aren't there some over-caffinated med school students somewhere that need these bodies so they can graduate med school and validate their lives in the lack of their father's love?

Posted 5/10/2007 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Remember the good old days when you had to do something illegal to get arrested? Me neither.

Ravens quarterback Steve McNair has been arrested in Nashville, Tennessee, and charged with owning a vehicle being driven by a drunken driver.

Police say McNair was a passenger in the silver pickup truck when police pulled the driver over for speeding early this morning.

I'm tired of ranting about how stupid DWI laws are, but isn't one of the key elements of DWI, oh, I don't know, driving? Apparently not in Tennessee

I was arrest for “DUI by Consent.” What does that mean?
In Tennessee, you can be arrested for “DUI by Consent” if you aid someone in the commission of DUI or if you assist or promote the commission of the offense or receive a benefit from the commission of the offense. If charged with “DUI by Consent” you would face the same penalties as if charged with the commission of the underlying offense.
Note: If the driver is not convicted of DUI, you cannot be convicted of “DUI by Consent.”

I was only a passenger, not the owner of the vehicle, can I still be convicted of “DUI by Consent?”
Yes. In Tennessee, ownership of the vehicle is irrelevant. Therefore, depending on the facts of your case, you could be found guilty of “DUI by Consent.” Because you would face the same penalties as the driver, it is important that you consult an attorney who is experienced in DUI defense.

I was the owner of the vehicle, but not present when the driver was arrested for DUI. Could I still be convicted?
Yes, in Tennessee, the law makes no specific requirement that the owner be present in the vehicle to be criminally responsible for the driver’s conduct. Therefore, depending upon the facts of your case, you could be found guilty of “DUI by Consent.” Because you would face the same penalties as the driver, it is important that you consult an attorney who is experienced in DUI defense.

Not only do you not have to be drinking or driving, but you don't even have to be present.

So if the car's owner is guilty for facilitating the "driving," does that mean Budweiser is equally culpable for providing the drinking? Sadly, I know where MADD comes down on that absurd extrapolation.

Posted 5/07/2007 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, some consensus. A Billion, a Trillion? This is the kinda thing that would drive you nuts.

Although there are still those who argue over the US and "former UK" definitions of figures such as a billion and trillion, according to Michael there is now basic agreement that a trillion is a thousand billion and a billion is a thousand million.

"When you hear a politician, business leader of economist using the word trillion, they are talking about a number with 12 zeros," he said.

Finally, the Brits give in!

Posted 5/06/2007 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

This should be a a capital crime in Texas. Yet it's not.

And to think I took this pictures in front of one of Texas' County Jails.

Posted 5/02/2007 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

What in the hell are these people thinking?

Wait! Stay your foot and spare the cockroach. There's money in them there bugs.

In a city with trillions of American cockroaches, the Houston Museum of Natural Science has agreed to pay a quarter per bug — up to 1,000 — as it seeks to populate a new insect exhibit alongside its Cockrell Butterfly Center.

Nancy Greig, the museum's curator of entomology, insists the public payday for roaches isn't just a marketing ploy.

"Absolutely, this wasn't devised as a joke," Greig said. "We needed more roaches for the exhibit, so I sent this message out to everyone in the museum asking people to bring them in. Well, someone decided to tell the press, and all hell has broken loose.

"But we really do need cockroaches."

25¢ for a cockroach? I imagine they'll have all they need in less than a week, but the question is who the hell wants to pay money to go see a cockroach exhibit when all you need to do is look around? Those flying suckers are everywhere. The Butterfly center is kinda cool because hey, when do you get to see a jungle full of butterflys? But cockroaches? Try getting away from them. Why would I pay to see more of what I pay the Orkin man to kill?

Posted 5/02/2007 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

Deadman's cave. What could possibly go wrong?

The manager of a commercial tourist cavern in the Texas Hill Country drowned when he swam into a nearby cave to try to improve its drainage, friends and co-workers said.

Thomas Summers III, 44, died Monday during an attempt to improve the water outflow of Deadman's Cave, which is connected via tunnels to Cave Without a Name, located about 30 miles north of San Antonio.

How can you not see this one coming?

Posted 5/02/2007 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

Looks like the train carrying the Shuttle's Boosters from Utah to Florida has jumped its tracks. again.

A freight train carrying segments of the space shuttle's solid rocket boosters derailed Wednesday after a recently repaired bridge collapsed over boggy ground, authorities said. Six people aboard the train were reported injured, one critically.

"It appears when the train got onto the trestle, the trestle just gave way and sank to the ground," said Mike Rudolphi, an official with the boosters' manufacturer who went to the wreck site. "It's going to be a challenge to get it out of there."

Eight booster segments were on the train, which carried only the shuttle shipment, Rudolphi said. One booster overturned, along with two locomotives and a car carrying six attendants, who were injured.

It was the second time in less than a week that the train jumped the tracks while carrying the booster segments across the country from the manufacturer, ATK Launch Systems Group of Promontory, Utah, to Cape Canaveral, Fla., Herring said.

Last Friday, two axles on one car came off the tracks for unknown reasons about 60 miles west of Salina, Kan., while the train was traveling at less than 20 mph, Herring said. The train was back on the tracks after several hours, the spokesman said.

It's safe to say that the Shuttle program is now officially a trainwreck.

Posted 5/01/2007 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

Oh no! Not Herbert!

Foul play is suspected in the death of an accounts receivable supervisor for a regional office-supply company, sheriff's deputies reported Tuesday.

Herbert F. Kornfeld, 34, was an alleged accounting gang leader considered by law enforcement to be a key player in a series of ongoing office worker turf wars. He was found dead Monday morning in the third-floor copy room of Midstate Office Supply, his employer of 12 years.

Well, rest in peace, bro, I'll mourn ya till I join ya.

I've been following Herbert since his first piece, Keep Your Fucking Shit Off My Desk hit the press, and he's been hilarious ever since. I just hope Baby Prince H Tha Stone Col' Dopest Biz-ook-kizeepin' Muthafuckin' Badass Supastar Kornfeld Tha Second is taking it well.

Labels: the onion

Posted 5/01/2007 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

After Virginia Tech, Perry's quick to extend Texas' concealed carry law to places that were previously off limits, such as schools, churches and bars. Good idea? I doubt it, and I'm a gun nut.

Gov. Rick Perry said Monday that Texans who are legally licensed should be able to carry their concealed handguns anywhere, including churches, bars, courthouses and college campuses.

"I think it makes sense for Texans to be able to protect themselves from deranged individuals, whether they're in church, or whether on a college campus or wherever they are," he said.

"The idea that you're going to exempt them from a particular place is nonsense to me."

Perry commented to reporters after he and U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt had met privately with educators, mental health experts and law enforcement officials to discuss the recent shootings at Virginia Tech University. Leavitt and other Cabinet officials are traveling around the country to discuss school and community safety practices in preparation for a report to President Bush.

Here's the disconnect in this argument: I can carry a gun into a church, school, or a bar 1,000 times and no one would have any idea, so long as I acted like a rational person. The day I flip out and go all Cho, I'll wind up on CNN. But if I have a firearm (legal or not) and I plug some dumbass that's between his 12th and 13th victim, no one's going to care if I had a permit or not. Especially the 13th victim. So it doesn't go towards the legality of the weapon, but how you use it.

Cho broke the law by carrying a gun on VT's campus (and then murdered a whole bunch of people) but if someone else had broke the law and double-tapped him in the face, maybe the a few parents wouldn't be burying their children.

Not that everyone needs a gun, but geez, those things exist, and you can't wish them away with federal background checks.

Posted 5/01/2007 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Happy "Mission Accomplished" day. Do you feel any safer?