Posted 10/31/2010 03:46:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a great T-shirt for all you Greg Davis fans. Both of them.

Posted 10/31/2010 03:36:00 PM by Douglas

Some signs from the Stewert/Colbert Rally yesterday. This one sums up how I feel about people and their signs:

Posted 10/27/2010 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

It even works on a Prius!



Bumpter stickers are stupid.

Posted 10/24/2010 06:50:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, a solution for that fat baby! Because it's way to early for lipo.



I don't know who makes Tabby Spanks, but I could really use one of those.

Posted 10/24/2010 01:04:00 PM by Douglas

Only one company in the United States makes sodium thiopental, and we desperately need it to execute people. So if there's a shortage, what can we do? Buy cheap Chinese knockoff drugs, of course.

In the midst of a drug shortage that has already forced postponement of lethal injection executions across the United States, some states say they now have the drug in hand but are refusing to disclose its origin.

The unprecedented situation has been compounded by an inmate scheduled to die Tuesday but who is suing to stop his own execution, arguing that the drug which the state of Arizona intends to use may be counterfeit or unsafe.

Unsafe? What's it going to do, kill them? And how sad is it when the production capacity of the entire country doesn't produce enough juice needed to kill people.

Some states like Texas and Ohio have enough thiopental to carry on with their execution schedules, but others like Kentucky have been forced to put capital punishment on hold.

Well that's a relief, Texas. I'm sure Texas gets it from the manufacturer in rail cars. But what if you run out?

The central state of Oklahoma has borrowed doses of the drug from its neighbor Arkansas.

That's got to be an awkward call. I'm sure the Okies called Texas, too, but they probably didn't answer the phone.

At a recent hearing, an Arizona judge sounded puzzled about the need for FDA approval for the drug.

"What difference does that make?" judge Andrew Hurwitz asked.

"It strikes me as strange that the FDA law was meant to regulate executions... These are drugs that are going to be used to kill somebody."

If it's OK to shoot people, then the judge has a point.

Posted 10/24/2010 12:45:00 PM by Douglas

P. J. O'Rourke doesn't like democrats. Turns out it's mostly mutual.

Do Democrats have a mad infatuation with the political system, an unhealthy obsession with an idealized body politic? Do they dream of capturing and ravishing representational democracy? Are they crazed stalkers of our constitutional republic?

No. It’s worse than that. Democrats aren’t just dateless dweebs clambering upon the Statue of Liberty carrying a wilted bouquet and trying to cop a feel. Theirs is a different kind of love story. Power, not politics, is what the Democrats love.

I'd like to agree with him if I thought the Republicans were any better. They're not. But I think he knows that.

Labels: P.J. O'Rourke

Posted 10/24/2010 12:05:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a video from David Zucker making fun of Barbara Boxer's ego. Senator Barbara Boxer.

Posted 10/23/2010 10:09:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a really funny time lapse video of a baby in the floor. It makes me tired just watching him:

Posted 10/23/2010 09:53:00 PM by Douglas

Ya know, this would make a great movie.

A STOWAWAY crocodile on a flight escaped from its carrier bag and sparked an onboard stampede that caused the flight to crash, killing 19 passengers and crew.

The croc had been hidden in a passenger's sports bag - allegedly with plans to sell it - but it tore loose and ran amok, sparking panic

I have had it with these motherfucking crocodiles on this motherfucking plane!

Posted 10/19/2010 08:03:00 PM by Douglas

The world of anti-bullying is way out of control, but now it's getting some help by childish idiots as dumb as the bullies.

A new iPhone app called the "Ugly Meter" is just what cyberbullies -- including elementary school kids -- need to target easy marks, online security experts told FoxNews.com.

The 99-cent app, now available for iPhone users on Apple's iTunes Store, uses facial recognition software that measures symmetry and other features. Downloaded more than 20,000 times and designed for users ages 9 and above, the app scans a snapshot and then submits a score of 1 to 10.

"For impressionable young teens and tweens, it could potentially be quite damaging," he said. "It could be used in cyberbullying."

My phone said I was ugly and I'm pretty sure my microwave has been talking about me behind my back. I think I'm going to go kill myself.

Posted 10/19/2010 07:57:00 PM by Douglas

Nothing fires up a French riot like having to work. The good news is they got the afternoon off to go riot. Thank god it happened when it did instead of one of their four week vacations. I'm not coming back early just to riot.

The protesters are trying to prevent the French parliament from approving a bill that would raise the retirement age from 60 to 62 to help prevent the pension system from going bankrupt. Many workers feel the change would be a dangerous step in eroding France's social benefits -- which include long vacations, contracts that make it hard for employers to lay off workers and a state-subsidized health care system -- in favor of "American-style capitalism."

Sarkozy's conservative government points out that 62 is among the lowest retirement ages in the world, the French are living much longer than they used to and the pension system is losing money. The workers say the government could find pension savings elsewhere, such as by raising contributions from employers.

Don't worry 30 year old rioters. It's all going to be gone by the time you're 60 anyway. Go enjoy some wine and dirty sex with one of your mistresses and quit thinking about it.

Posted 10/19/2010 07:51:00 PM by Douglas

I'm not going to get in the habit of defending her, but this little faketraversy gets on my nerves:

"Where in the Constitution is separation of church and state?" O'Donnell asked while Democrat Chris Coons, an attorney, sat a few feet away.

She interrupted to say, "The First Amendment does? ... So you're telling me that the separation of church and state, the phrase 'separation of church and state,' is in the First Amendment?"

The phrase "separation of church and state" has been such a rallying cry from those on the left that wish to demonize religion, the mere notion that "separation of church and state" isn't sacred is, as stated, laughable. Other than being right, she should know better than to split such a hair of con-law with her English Lit degree from this academic powerhouse.

Posted 10/16/2010 08:59:00 PM by Douglas

Barbara Billingsley, the actress most famed as June Cleaver, had died.

Barbara Billingsley, who as June Cleaver on the television series “Leave It to Beaver” personified a Hollywood postwar family ideal of the ever-sweet, ever-helpful suburban stay-at-home mom, died Saturday. She was 94.

But that's not what I know her for:



Shiiiiii!

And here she is talking about her experience learning jive for her Airplane! role:



RIP, classy lady!

Labels: Airplane

Posted 10/15/2010 10:37:00 PM by Douglas

No one is going to revel in someone losing their home. Foreclosure is horrible, but it's also horrible that the mortgage brokers gave home loans to people with no credit checks or verifiable employment. So it shouldn't be that much of a surprise to think that they're going to cut corners when it's time to foreclose.

All of this is largely because Mr. Cox realized almost immediately that Mrs. Bradbury's foreclosure file did not look right. The documents from the lender, GMAC Mortgage, were approved by an employee whose title was "limited signing officer," an indication to the lawyer that his knowledge of the case was effectively nonexistent.

This is a sticky situation. The laws of eviction are complicated, but have to be followed. But before that happens, you have to stop paying your mortgage. So then what? What if the bank doesn't cross every i and dot every t?

"When Stephan says in an affidavit that he has personal knowledge of the facts stated in his affidavits, he doesn't. When he says that he has custody and control of the loan documents, he doesn't. When he says that he is attaching 'a true and accurate' copy of a note or a mortgage, he has no idea if that is so, because he does not look at the exhibits. When he makes any other statement of fact, he has no idea if it is true. When the notary says that Stephan appeared before him or her, he didn't."

Well that's just stupid. I don't blame the homeowners for crying foul when it's not done right, but you're still in default on your property. You don't get to keep what you can't pay for just because the foreclosure didn't have the right form. But here's where I lose my lunch:

GMAC, which began as the financing arm of General Motors, has received $17 billion from taxpayers in an effort to keep it from failing and is now majority-owned by the federal government.

Let me see if I follow this. GMAC (and a lot of other banks) make billions in bad mortgages, then cry "we're too big to fail" and receive billions more in taxpayer bailouts to stay solvent. To stay solvent because the bad loans they made are going teats up. OK, we did that. So if they got $17 Billion from taxpayers because homeowners defaulted on their loans, how do they get to seize the homes now? The homeowners defaulted, but the banks got their money back in the form of a bailout. How do they get to double-dip in the bailhand-out and get to foreclose on property the taxpayers have already reimbursed them for?

Posted 10/15/2010 09:40:00 PM by Douglas

This next story is replete with things that piss me off. So let's get started, shall we?

So Coberly couldn’t help but laugh this week when a hostess at Wolfgang Puck’s Five Sixty restaurant told him and five other war veterans they didn’t look good enough to visit the high-end downtown Dallas eatery -- a rotating dining room atop Reunion Tower, 560 feet above the city.

She said the men’s unit baseball caps, POW T-shirts and shorts did not meet the restaurant’s “business casual” dress code.

“I figure if I spent two years in a POW camp, I could have handled the privilege of sitting in that fancy restaurant a few minutes,” said Coberly, a member of the Second Schweinfurt Memorial Association and a bombardier with the decorated 8th Army Air Force, known as the Mighty 8th.

Well, not really. You got bounced because you showed up at a 5-star restaurant wearing shorts, t-shirts and ball caps. If they'd wanted to go to an icehouse for a beer or the cracker barrel for a chicken fried steak, they would have served them 'till closing time. That didn't happen, and that's where this story should have ended. It didn't.

“We weren’t dressed like hobos. We were just dressed comfortably,” said Coberly, a graduate of the Wharton School of business and a retired hospital administrator from Maryland.

Your status as a veteran, your graduate school or even your opinion of your attire has exactly no bearing on this situation.

But the men’s wives and children didn’t take the snub so lightly.

They confronted the hostess, reminding her of the military men’s service and sacrifice.

“Do you realize these veterans fought for your freedom and your way of life and you can’t see your way clear to let them up to get a view of the city?” said Michelle Northrop, Coberly’s daughter. “I mean, we weren’t going to be there longer than 45 minutes.”

Really? The Germans never invaded America, nor could they have, so save the "fought for your freedoms" bullshit. The country and especially can be proud of his service, but that doesn't give him the right to do whatever the hell he wants to.

“My honest opinion is she was too young to be able to think on her feet,” said Northrop. “She was doing her job, she was professionally dressed and she was not being obnoxious. She was trained well, but this was not an empowered young woman. I’m not sure it ever occurred to her to say, ‘Let me go talk to my manager.’ “

No, that's exactly wrong. She did her job. People go to fancy restaurants explicitly because they don't want to see people in shorts, t-shirts and ball caps. Also, no self-respecting man would wear a hat in a restaurant, and I'd especially expect men of this age to know better. But that's another story. If the hostess had seated these guys and someone had complained about their attire, someone who was adhering to the dress code, she would have been fired. Immediately. So what does the restaurant have to say?

“If they had explained who they were and what they were doing, it would not have happened,” she said. “It was a mistake and we’re apologetic.”

So, you have whatever rules you want to establish the clientele you want, but you have to throw it out the window anytime a whiney veteran starts jawin' at you and your policy?

Posted 10/15/2010 08:23:00 PM by Douglas

So a guy gets arrested for robbing a band with a big collar around his neck. He swears he was forced into it and that the collar is a bomb. While in custody, his head blows off. Then it gets weird.

Diehl-Armstrong's trial marks the widest window yet into a bizarre plot that captivated northwestern Pennsylvania in the waning days of summer in 2003. The other people allegedly involved in the case are either dead or have pleaded guilty.

On Aug. 28, 2003, Wells walked into a bank with a bomb strapped to his neck and walked out with $8,702. He was stopped by police nearby and was sitting on the ground in handcuffs when the bomb went off, killing him, as officers waited for a bomb squad to arrive.

So you need to get money to kill your father, so you kidnap the pizza guy with a collar bomb. Makes sense. This reads like a Law & Order script written by Faulkner.

Posted 10/10/2010 07:10:00 PM by Douglas

Happy 10/10/10 day! That's 42 in binary, which I can only assume some Douglas Adams nerd thinks is significant. I think we'd be better off with a Rin Tin Tin day.

Tomorrow will be 46!

Posted 10/06/2010 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

The classic example of how absurd Libertarian "pay as you go" government services was the lighthouse that charged a toll after it protected the ship from the rocks below. But this real-life example from Tennessee may become the next textbook example of what services people "deserve" and what you "pay for."

Here's the short version of what happened: In rural Obion County, homeowners must pay $75 annually for fire protection services from the nearby city of South Fulton. If they don't pay the fee and their home catches fire, tough luck -- even if firefighters are positioned just outside the home with hoses at the ready.

When Cranick's house caught fire last week, and he couldn't contain the blaze with garden hoses, he called 911. During the emergency call, he offered to pay all expenses related to the Fire Department's defense of his home, but the South Fulton firefighters refused to do anything.

They did, however, come out when Cranick's neighbor -- who'd already paid the fee -- called 911 because he worried that the fire might spread to his property. Once they arrived, members of the South Fulton department stood by and watched Cranick's home burn; they sprang into action only when the fire reached the neighbor's property.

We'll there's some commitment from the firefighters. Would it be fair to everyone that did pay their fire protection bill to put out this fire? Probably not, just like it's not fair to insure houses in the path of a hurricane only when it turns cloudy.

Posted 10/05/2010 09:42:00 PM by Douglas

Sounds like Amarillo got their Wrangler's in a bunch over something printed in The Houston Chronicle. Their response is just adorable.

Well, I never in all my born days. I suppose this is the point where I return serve. This is when I should bring up Sweat City, the most humid place on the planet, an area where even shoes get drenched in sweat. But why bother?

Or I could mention some hot days we had last month, when I was running at noon when it was 88 degrees and 50 percent humidity. We call that summer. You call it Christmas morning. But I'm not going there.

Well ya kinda did go there, didn't ya? Also, news flash. Houston is hot and humid. Amarillo is hot and dry. We get it. This is the big difference you want to run with?

Like I said, Houston, I come with an olive branch. And, really, why work up any anger when I don't think about Houston any more than apparently Houston thinks about Amarillo. Except on occasions like Sunday when the Cowboys really needed a win. Thanks, Houston, you're a great city.

Oh that's right, the Amarillo Cowboys, that world famous NFL franchise. Oh wait, they're in Dallas. But you probably didn't know that.

Posted 10/05/2010 09:06:00 PM by Douglas

You know who I think is a witch? People who start out a sentence with the phrase "I'm not a witch." But that's not the creepiest part of this video:



That's creepy! Ok, first of all, you're not me. For the past decade, I've had a job and paid my mortgage. I also have an opinion of Constitutional Originalisim that didn't come from things I read off Glenn Beck's chalk board.

But let's we give her the benefit of the doubt. What if she is you, or, to a lesser extent me? Is it considered masturbation if you want to have sex with her, because it is when you have sex with you. Which she is. I mean witch she is.