enthalpy

Wednesday, December 31, 2008


The words of 2008 that need to go. Good to see "not so much" there, but where's "it is what it is?"

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Baby, that perfume you're wearing, what is it? Grilled Meat by Burger King, of course!
Maybe you heard the late-night talk-show hosts joking about it and assumed the product was an urban myth spread by some truant, meat-obsessed teenager. Or maybe you were so intrigued, you threw on your bathrobe, jumped in the car and hit the nearest BK drive-through in search of a midnight Whopper and some beefy love potion.

Either scenario would have left you dismayed. Flame, which costs $3.99 a spray bottle and, according to the company, has "the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat," is no joke.
Yuk.



Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Damn leap second. I hate it when December 31st has 86,401 seconds instead of the normal 86,400
That's why the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (IERS) occasionally adds a "leap second" to the world's timescale to keep internationally defined time and the Earth's rhythms in synch.

As a result, thousands of organisations across the world will be adjusting their clocks from midnight.
Just think. All those people that are going to be a second late for work on Monday. It's going to be pure bedlam.



Don't show us the data if it doesn't support your own bullshit theory that red light cameras decrease crashes. They don't
The number of crashes at Houston intersections with red-light cameras doubled in the first year after their installation, according to a city-financed study released Monday.

But Mayor Bill White argued that the cameras' presence prevented even more collisions and that the study proves the monitoring program is keeping drivers safe.
And you're basing this on what exactly? Collisions went up, along with city revenue, to the tune of about $20 million dollars.
Since September 2006, the cameras have led to at least 387,000 citations and generated more than $20 million in revenue.
Don't kid yourself. It's about raising money, not safety. And I hope the rest of Texas keeps this in mind when this professional liar runs for the senate.

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Always a bad sign.
Yellowstone National Park was jostled by a host of small earthquakes for a third straight day Monday, and scientists watched closely to see whether the more than 250 tremors were a sign of something bigger to come. Swarms of small earthquakes happen frequently in Yellowstone, but it's very unusual for so many earthquakes to happen over several days, said Robert Smith, a professor of geophysics at the University of Utah.
Wow. Time to repent?

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Apparently, leaving orbit without a spaceship is hazardous to your health.
The NASA report found the astronauts knew for about 40 seconds that they did not have control of the shuttle before they likely were knocked unconscious as Columbia broke apart around them.

The report also found that while crew members were wearing their pressurized suits, one astronaut did not have on a helmet, three were not wearing gloves and none lowered the visors before the module lost cabin pressure. One astronaut also was not seated.
Not seated? What were they doing, moving the drink cart back to the galley?



Thursday, December 25, 2008


Two words you don't want to see in an article about you: "naked" and "taser."
A naked man who was banging on doors and windows at a northside apartment complex died Wednesday after being shocked by Tasers at least three times during a confrontation with Harris County sheriff's deputies, authorities said.

Investigators said the 46-year-old man was randomly knocking on doors and windows and yelling while walking around the complex. At one point, he kicked open a front door and briefly went inside an occupied apartment, officials said.



This guy took naughty to a whole new level this year:
A man dressed as Santa who had been having marital problems opened fire at a Christmas party, leaving more than three people dead in a home that then caught fire, authorities said.

"He was going through some type of marital problems, and we believe that this residence is a relative's residence," Lt. Pat Buchanan said of the house that burned.
He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!



Santa's sleigh: Greener than baby farts!



Merry Christmas!



Sunday, December 21, 2008


This dog really loves the snow!



Saturday, December 20, 2008


The most awesomest table ever!




Are they going to pass a law against being a complete pussy, too?
A 21-year-old woman accused of sending a vulgar text message to a 17-year-old girl is one of the first cases brought under a law against cyberbullying spurred by the suicide of a teenage girl following cruel messages on the Internet.

The 2006 death of 13-year-old Megan Meier prompted Missouri lawmakers to update state harassment law earlier this year so that it now covers bullying and stalking done through electronic media, like e-mails or text messages.
It's unfortunate if that's the only reason she killed herself, but do we really need laws to mitigate stupid high school shit?



To protect and serve.
A fight over a policeman’s gun in the parking lot of a topless bar left an officer bruised and a Webster man suffering from a gunshot wound that wasn’t life-threatening, authorities said Thursday.

Bond for Jose Gilberto Barrera Jr., 26, was set at $250,000 on a charge of assault of a peace officer, said Joel H. Bennett, a criminal prosecutor with the Galveston County District Attorney’s Office.

Dickinson police officer Michael Henson was working Wednesday night in uniform at an off-duty security job at a nearby business when he drove through Heartbreakers parking lot at 3200 Gulf Freeway in Dickinson, Bennett said.

Henson saw an altercation about 11 p.m. and stepped out to see what was going on, Bennett said.

“During the investigation, he recovered a controlled substance and a struggle ensued,” Bennett said. “There was a fight over his weapon and the weapon discharged.”
He just happened to be in the parking at 11 p.m. Keeping the parking lots of strip clubs safe for you and me! God bless you boys!



Thursday, December 18, 2008


The year in pictures. Damn, was 2008 a rough year. I wish there was some indication 2009 was going to be any better.



$42 Million for a space ship is quite a bargain, actually.
The space agency said Wednesday it's looking for ideas on where and how best to display its space shuttles once they stop flying in a few years. It's put out a call to schools, science museums and "other appropriate organizations" that might be interested in showcasing one of the three remaining shuttles.

Beware: NASA estimates it will cost about $42 million to get each shuttle ready and get it where it needs to go, and the final tab could end up much more.
I bet they'd make great hurricane shelters. Close the hatch and ride that bitch out! Beats the shit out of a FEMA trailer.



What would you do if you were triple drunk, ran into a truck and killed your boyfriend? Why, sue the truck driver, of course!
Convicted last year of intoxication manslaughter for the death of her boyfriend, the 21-year-old daughter of a state district judge is suing the truck driver she ran into during a drunken driving crash.

Shelton had a blood alcohol concentration more than three times the legal limit, two tests showed. She was sentenced to eight years' probation and had to serve four months in jail.
Wow. Four whole months in jail for killing someone. That's gotta be rough.
Shelton, her family and the family of the boyfriend who was killed are suing for $20,000 for the destruction of the Lexus SUV she was driving and an undetermined amount for mental anguish, pain and suffering.

Bennett was driving the box truck that Shelton rear-ended on the Southwest Freeway near Kirby around 2 a.m.
Jiminy Cricket, what balls. You get drunk, you drive home, you kill your boyfriend, and you sue the guy your drunk ass ran into for the value of your car?!?



What a sad, pathetic shell of a president. Geez, he even looks like he's been beaten:


"I have never used my position to personally denigrate someone." Uh, Karl Rove, call your office.



Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Holy crap, when stupidity gets to $140 a barrel I want drilling rights to these people's heads.
A supermarket is defending itself for refusing to a write out 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell's name on his birthday cake. Deborah Campbell, 25, of nearby Hunterdon County, N.J., said she phoned in her order last week to the Greenwich ShopRite. When she told the bakery department she wanted her son's name spelled out, she was told to talk to a supervisor, who denied the request.
That's right, they named their kid "Adolf Hitler Cambell." What did they name is sisters?
The Campbells' two other children are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, who turns 2 in a few months, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, who will be 1 in April.
You really hate to give these knuckle-dragging mouth breathers the attention they're so desperately craving, but geez.



I felt really old when I read this article because I didn't know what the heck it was talking about. Then I was really, really glad.
Cans of the "pro-relaxation" drink Purple Stuff will stop carrying a phrase that critics say refers to an illicit drug combination popularized in Southern rap music, the company announced Tuesday.

"We're modifying the labeling of the product," said Tim Lucas, spokesman for the Houston-based Funktional Beverages Inc. He said future cans will no longer advertise the slogan "Lean with it." He was not sure when the new cans will begin appearing on shelves.
What. The. Hell.
"Drank," "purple stuff" and "lean" are street terms for the mixture of codeine syrup with soft drinks or alcohol, a concoction that is believed to have factored in the deaths of three local rap stars. "Sippin' syrup" is believed to have originated in Houston, and it remains a common topic for Southern rappers.
Sweet sassy molassy. Marketing carbonated cough syrup to get high. Or low, as the case may be. If only one of the side effects was sterility.



Monday, December 15, 2008


He told you he wanted that Thomas the Train set.
Child Protective Services claimed oversight of a 4-year-old boy found at a Beaumont discount store, playing with toys, as police responded to a burglar alarm.

Police said store surveillance video showed the unidentified boy tried one of the front doors to a Family Dollar store about 3 a.m. Monday, only to find it locked. But the second door was unlocked and the child went inside.

That triggered the silent alarm.
So the Family Dollar store just forgot to lock the door? But good to see CPS on the job. Hell, why toss him to CPS? Lock him up for B&E and let him spend Christmas in juvie for his heinous crime.



The Air Force now have airplanes with freakin' lasers on them.
IMAGINE swarms of aircraft patrolling the skies, zapping missiles, aircraft or even satellites in low Earth orbit with invisible, ultrapowerful laser beams.

Such laser battles in the sky may not be such a long way off, after a megawatt laser weapon was fired from an aircraft for the first time.

Although the Airborne Laser (ABL) was fired from a stationary plane at a target on the ground just a few metres away, the test marked a milestone for the weapon, developed by aerospace firms Boeing, Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grumman.
Coming up next? Light Sabers!



It's obvious that the headline "We adore you, Maria" and the fact the December issue came out days before her feast day was a total coincidence.
Playboy magazine issued an apology Monday for the cover of its Mexican edition, which features an Argentine model in what many observers say is meant to be a depiction of the Virgin Mary.

Playboy Mexico has said the cover was not meant to portray the Virgin Mary, despite being printed just days before the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe -- both Catholic holidays centering on the Virgin Mary.
Stay classy, Mexican Playboy!



Every try to give a cat a pill? I can't even begin to imagine how you'd give 'em contact lenses.
Centre manager Paula Sadler, 56, said: 'Before Earnest was given the contact lenses he was quite squinty and had trouble seeing where he was going.

'Now his eyes have opened up and he has a new lease of life.
Weird. But if you're going to bother sticking a contact lens in your cats face, why not upgrade? I'm thinking something like this. Or perhaps this. Imagine that standing on your chest in the morning asking for breakfast.



Pointless running claims one more.
A 29-year-old Austin woman running in the Dallas White Rock Marathon collapsed on Sunday and died, officials said.
Like sticking a wet fork in a light socket, some things aren't worth doing, just "to say you did it."

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Sunday, December 14, 2008


With any luck, it may be harder after this Thursday for your credit card to screw you.
The Federal Reserve is to vote on credit card reforms that may bring some relief to customers who face a variety of ways for being hit with late fees, universal defaults, shorter payment periods and confusing payment allocations for different balances.

They are expected to prohibit credit card companies from increasing rates at will, with some exceptions such as those that apply to people who fail to pay a bill within 30 days.

So-called universal default, which permits changing card terms if the borrower defaults on another bill such as utilities or a gym membership, also is expected to be banned.

Double-cycle billing, in which card companies reach back to earlier billing cycles to help calculate interest charged in the current cycle, also is expected to be eliminated.
It's gonna be a rough day for the banks with the cash cow they have in credit cards is taken away from them.



Why do you have dozens of dogs living with you in their own filth? UFOs, of course.
Authorities in Fayette County seized the dogs on Dec. 3, after they were found living in a 5-by-9 foot trailer — eating, sleeping and giving birth in their own waste — with a woman who claimed the terriers were unhealthy because UFOs were circling above her home, said Houston SPCA spokeswoman Meera Nandlal.
Freak.



I really wanted to see the Secret Service jump in front of the second shoe like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard:



♪♪ And I, will always love youuuu! ♪♪



Saturday, December 13, 2008


William Stevens, author of the law article about the infield fly rule, is no longer with us.
William S. Stevens, whose slyly humorous law-review note on the relationship between baseball’s infield fly rule and Anglo-American common law became one of the most celebrated and imitated analyses in American legal history, died Monday in Anchorage, where he was working. He was 60 and lived in Narberth, Pa.
He got his obit in The New York Times because he came up with a clever analogy. Better than most.



Socks!!! I'll mourn ya 'till I join ya, you crazy kitty.
We have some bad news today on the presidential pet front. Socks the cat, probably the most photographed presidential kitty in history, has cancer and isn't expected to live. "His days are numbered," says Barry Landau, a friend of Socks' master, Betty Currie.
Poor kitty. He had a good run. I'm not even going to make a "Bill Clinton/Black Pussy" joke.



Premature adjudication. That's funny. I'm certainly not going to claim that "Justice Porn" isn't quality television, but there's something about Judge Judy that is oddly compelling.
Like a Romper Room for adults, like Oprah with a whip, justice porn constantly preaches doctrines of prudence, responsibility, and self-empowerment: The ultimate goal is to avoid putting oneself in the position of requiring the court's assistance. As Laurie Ouellette, a professor of communications studies at the University of Minnesota, has written, "The imagined viewer at home is encouraged to self-govern her daily affairs without the direct involvement of the court, the welfare office, or any public institution for that matter." To reinforce this notion, Judge Judy is forever yipping at litigants for wasting her time, as if there is something she'd rather be doing than getting paid $38 million a year just to insult losers arguing over unpaid telephone bills.
Anyone that's seen the show and would want Judy to publicly humiliate them on TV is clearly unstable.



Thursday, December 11, 2008


Jesus made it look so easy. Thanks, long-time reader!

What a great way to asphyxiate your kids!

Actually, the CO2 level would only raise 1 mmHg an hour. So you'd get tired of playing in this thing long before you "ran out of air."



So the shuttle flew over Houston today. Did you see it? Probably not.
What is really troubling is the folks (at JSC) who have commented saying "I don't care what it cost". If ever there was a single comment that so aptly epitomized the biggest problem that NASA has today, that is it.

And NASA wonders why people have a problem connecting with what it does. They can't even announce a simple flyover - something that has the power to amaze everyone who sees it. What a bungled opportunity.
Check out the flight track. You're going to fly that far out of the way and not tell the public? What on earth for?



Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Snow! Honest to god, snow. Didn't we have a hurricane or something three months ago? What's next, the locust or the frogs?
White stuff fell across much of the Houston area Wednesday evening, as temperatures hovered just above freezing, tying a record for the city's earliest ever snowfall.

Since 1895, according to data collected by Houston's Weather Research Center, snow has fallen this early just once — on Dec. 10, 1944 — during the last 113 years.
Can't wait for the earthquake!!!
Because the ground in the Houston area was relatively warm — 77 degrees as late as Tuesday afternoon — neither snow nor ice was expected to stick to the ground and cause major transportation problems for long.
Wanna bet? Houstonians don't know whether to shit or go blind when it rains. Snow is going to fuck shit up all morning.



Have I mentioned this week how much the BCS sucks? This is kinda funny:
After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented " France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."
Makes as much sense as OU in the big dance.



Stupid video about how smart women are and how dumb men are, or something like that. Kinda funny, I guess. Really reiterates the affection women have for shiny things.



This is way too close to reality to be funny:




Sunday, December 07, 2008


Darwin, call your office.
A 22-year-old man died after he was allegedly shot during a game of Russian roulette at a northwest Houston apartment early Saturday morning, authorities said.

Four men and one woman were in the 8700 block of Hammerly around midnight to celebrate a new apartment one of the men had just rented when the men decided to play Russian roulette, authorities said.

Investigators learned that one of the men pointed the gun at his head, but the weapon did not fire a live round.

For an unknown reason, that man then proceeded to point the gun at another man's head and fired a round, killing him, authorities said.
I'm not that clear of the rules of Russian roulette, but I thought you pulled the trigger yourself. This sounds more like murder than Russian roulette.

Also since when was Russian roulette a good house warming activity? What happened to a six-pack or a bottle of bourbon?



President-Elect on Meet the Press today. I thought the part of discovery was interesting with regards to what NASA is going to look like in the next four years.
PRES.-ELECT OBAMA: When it comes to science, elevating science once again, and having lectures in the White House where people are talking about traveling to the stars or breaking down atoms, inspiring our youth to get a sense of what discovery is all about. Thinking about the diversity of our culture and, and inviting jazz musicians and classical musicians and poetry readings in the White House so that, once again, we appreciate this incredible tapestry that's America. I--you know, that, I think, is, is going to be incredibly important, particularly because we're going through hard times. And, historically, what has always brought us through hard times is that national character, that sense of optimism, that willingness to look forward, that, that sense that better days are ahead. I think that our art and our culture, our science, you know, that's the essence of what makes America special, and, and we want to project that as much as possible in the White House.
I don't think there are too many volunteers to travel to a star, per se, but I like the notion of space travel inspiring a sense of discovery in our youth. It's a good start.

And I had no idea that Barry was a smoker:

MR. BROKAW: Finally, Mr. President-elect, the White House is a no-smoking zone, and when you were asked about this recently by Barbara Walters, I read it very carefully, you ducked. Have you stopped smoking?

PRES.-ELECT OBAMA: You know, I have, but what I said was that, you know, there are times where I've fallen off the wagon. Well...

MR. BROKAW: Well, wait a minute.

PRES.-ELECT OBAMA: ...what can I tell...

MR. BROKAW: Then that means you haven't stopped.

PRES.-ELECT OBAMA: Well, the--fair enough. What I would say is, is that I have done a terrific job under the circumstances of making myself much healthier, and I think that you will not see any violations of these rules in the White House.
Nice job, Tom, for not letting him skate with a bullshit answer to a direct question, but I think I like him a bit more knowing that he's an ex-smoker with occasional relapses. It's almost like he's human.



Saturday, December 06, 2008


Always funny when the soldiers in the moronic drug war get caught in their own sting.
KopBusters rented a house in Odessa, Texas and began growing two small Christmas trees under a grow light similar to those used for growing marijuana. When faced with a suspected marijuana grow, the police usually use illegal FLIR cameras and/or lie on the search warrant affidavit claiming they have probable cause to raid the house. Instead of conducting a proper investigation which usually leads to no probable cause, the Kops lie on the affidavit claiming a confidential informant saw the plants and/or the police could smell marijuana coming from the suspected house.

The trap was set and less than 24 hours later, the Odessa narcotics unit raided the house only to find KopBuster’s attorney waiting under a system of complex gadgetry and spy cameras that streamed online to the KopBuster’s secret mobile office nearby.
D'Oh. Probable cause? What probable cause. We don't really have any. Any that's legal anyway. I hope this story gets the press it deserves.



Thursday, December 04, 2008


Gone are the days where you freeze to death in your own home because your blanket doesn't have arm holes. Say hello to the Slanket! But wait, there's more. Competition! Here's the Snuggie. I hope this ends without a bloodbath.



NASA prepares for the looming budget crisis: The Obama Administration.
The Texas congressional delegation is launching a campaign to combat potentially deep budget cuts for NASA as President-elect Barack Obama focuses on rescuing the nation's economy.

The drive comes amid expectations that billions of dollars will be shifted from various federal agencies into new programs to stimulate the economy and stabilize the financial system.

With tough trade-offs ahead, NASA's supporters are bracing for a hard look by the new administration and Democratic-controlled Congress at the space agency's $20.2 billion budget for the current year, which includes $5.8 billion for the shuttle and $3 billion to develop the Orion moonship.
$20 Billion. The bailout is over $7 Trillion. What a drop in the bucket. Do they know where that money goes? NASA doesn't strap it on rockets and launch it to the moon. It goes to civil servants, contractors, vendors, grocery stores and strip clubs in Florida, Texas, California, and every other state in the country, and occasionally, they launch some pretty cool stuff. Could CitiBank, AIG, GM, Ford, Chrysler do anything nearly as cool.



Sweet jiminy cricket never underestimate the stupidity of Aggies with their class rings.
When she returned, one of the windows was smashed and all was gone save for the golf clubs. Purses, a cell phone, iPod, three dozen new golf balls and $100 or so she kept in the glove compartment for tip money. And the ring.

"I was just shattered, coming out to my car and seeing this," said Ghio, a 52-year-old private investigator who works for corporations and law firms. "It was only about $1,800 in goods that were stolen. But my A&M ring, you couldn't put a value on that."
Yeah, keep telling yourself that. When you say it enough times, you start to believe it. Then you're down in South America, drinking the delicious Kool-Aide. And for more class ring silliness:
A class ring lost for decades in an East Texas lake is back with its owner after turning up in a fish caught the day after Thanksgiving.

Richardson was fishing at Lake Sam Rayburn about two weeks after his 1987 graduation from Universal Technical Institute in Houston when he lost the ring.
Now there's a good use for an Aggie ring: bait. Turns out, I bet Aggies would make good chum.



Tuesday, December 02, 2008


If you're gonna have an AR-15, you might as well decorate its lower receiver, especially if it's full auto (and you have a Class-III license). [h/t]



Watch your kitty when it's outside:
In early November, T.C. Nelson was out in the backyard with her dog Teddy and her cat. But unbeknownst to them, a fourth player was watching from above.

“The bird was behind me. He flew down and landed in the middle of my flower bed on top of my cat. My cat shrieked,” said T.C. Nelson, pet owner.

Nelson said it wasn’t just any bird; it was a bald eagle.
Sweetie. . . an eagle stole your cat is now an acceptable response to "Dude, where's my cat?"



Crash prevention or cash production?
Red-light cameras apparently reduced overall collisions at dozens of monitored intersections across Texas, according to a state transportation study.

The report, released today by the Texas Department of Transportation, concludes that crashes declined overall by 30 percent at a sampling intersections, many of them in Houston.

"While these results cannot conclusively determine that red light cameras are responsible for the overall reduction in crashes," the report reads, "the presence of the treatment provided some effect on the frequency of crashes at the selected intersections for the limited time period of this analysis."

The study examined crashes from July 1, 2007 to June 30, 2008 at select intersections at 12 cities required to report crashes under a new state law.

The data show that right-angle collisions reduced by 43 percent, while rear-end collisions increased by 5 percent, mirroring some other studies across the nation.
Not that I'm ranting, but it's not about money. Obviously.

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Monday, December 01, 2008


The next shoe in this dismal economic landscape is about to drop.
The U.S. credit-card industry may pull back well over $2 trillion of lines over the next 18 months due to risk aversion and regulatory changes, leading to sharp declines in consumer spending, prominent banking analyst Meredith Whitney said.

The credit card is the second key source of consumer liquidity, the first being jobs, the Oppenheimer & Co analyst noted.

"In other words, we expect available consumer liquidity in the form of credit-card lines to decline by 45 percent."
It's bad news when all the credit markets are drying up like scorpion's ass, but if it means I'm going to get less credit card applications in the mail featuring stupid and misleading gimmicks, that's just fine by me.

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This is getting a bit ridiculous, it would seem, if it were a bad SNL sketch:
U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi met leading governors on Monday to discuss the size and shape of an economic stimulus package that one Democratic aide said was likely to cost around $500 billion.

The aide, who asked not to be identified, said the legislation would include a middle-class tax cut, billions of dollars for road, bridge and mass transit construction, expanded aid to states and investments in renewable energy.
Geez, they're not going to quit 'till they give away all our money.



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