Posted 3/31/2009 05:52:00 PM by Douglas

Let's say you're driving down the street, minding your own business and not doing anything wrong. Suddenly, you are stopped by police, searched for a substance that's totally legal, then required by the authorities to prove your innocence. Sound like Nazi Germany? Nope, Texas' new sobriety checkpoints.

Drivers in urban cities and counties could be stopped and checked for their sobriety at police checkpoints under a bill tentatively passed Monday by the Texas Senate.

The vote was 21-10 with six Republican and four Democratic senators voting no. A 1994 Texas Court of Criminal Appeals ruling outlawed sobriety checkpoints, but said the Legislature could make them legal.

The checkpoints would be publicized to deter people from drinking and driving, said bill sponsor Sen. John Carona, R-Dallas. He estimated that the drop in drunken driving would save 300 lives each year in Texas, which leads the nation in alcohol-related traffic fatalities.

I know the SCOTUS has upheld these damn things for a long time, but it doesn't sound like America to me where you have to answer to authorities for absolutely no reason, then provide evidence of your own innocence.

Posted 3/31/2009 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Why do cigarettes now cost as much as crack?

The new taxes, meant to increase funding for the federal State Children’s Health Insurance Program, are rising dramatically. Now, federal taxes on a packet of rolling tobacco will be about $1 instead of 4.5 cents.

Taxes on cigarettes also will go to a little over $1 from the current tax of 39 cents. Chewing tobacco will be taxed at 11.3 cents per can instead of the previous 4.4 cents.

That’s all on top of existing state taxes — in Texas, $1.41 per cigarette pack for the last two years.

A typical pack of cigarettes will cost about $7 in Texas after the tax takes effect. As of today a pound of rolling tobacco will cost $60 instead of the current $15.99 at Tobacco Outlet in West Houston.

Relax, everyone, your government knows what's best for you.

Posted 3/31/2009 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

One more.

Police seized 263 pounds of marijuana during a traffic stop Sunday on Interstate 40 near Amarillo.

Labels: I-40 Drug Bust

Posted 3/31/2009 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

Geez. Who runs over someone, stops to leave a note, then keeps going?

Police are searching for a hit-and-run driver who left a note next to the body of a pedestrian struck and killed as he walked home from his job at a fast-food restaurant during the weekend, authorities said today.

Police believe Jones was walking south on the east shoulder of the paved road, which has no sidewalk, when a southbound vehicle swerved across the northbound lane, Hausam said. The vehicle struck Jones, crossed a ditch and came to rest about 40 yards from the roadside near a gravel driveway, he said.

“That person felt enough about the situation to leave a note,” Hausam said.

What the hell is wrong with humanity?

Posted 3/31/2009 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

International spirit of cooperation on the International Space Station. Not so much.

The International Space Station, once a place where astronauts would share food and facilities, is said to be embroiled in a Cold War-like stand-off.

A Russian cosmonaut has complained he is no longer allowed to use a US toilet as well as a US exercise bike.

Russians and Americans, not getting along, much to the surprise of absolutely no one. I thought they liked the Russian toilet better, anyway.

Posted 3/31/2009 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

You can vote, join the army, be tried as an adult and enter into legal binding contracts at 18 years of age, but not if those contracts involve beer, and if the Texas Legislature gets its way, a pack of smokes.

Though they are legally considered adults and can serve in the military, 18-year-old Texans would be considered minors when it comes to smoking under a bill passed unanimously through a Senate committee Tuesday.

The measure would increase the legal age for buying tobacco products to 19, and would cut off an estimated $12.5 million in tax revenue for the state over the next two years.

How ridiculously stupid. 18 is 18. If that's the line in the sand, let it ride. The thought of a citizen performing such valuable service as that to our military (or worse, jury duty) without ever knowing the joys of a beer and a smoke are downright criminal.

Posted 3/31/2009 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

Twenty years ago today, the greatest misanthropic high school movie ever was released: Heathers. Makes me want to watch it then go murder some of the popular kids.

Remarkably absent from the photo-montage: Jeremy Applegate, who, despite the advice of the "tuneless Euro-fags" in the movie, Big Fun, and their classic hit, "Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It", killed himself in 2000.

Speaking of suicide, that last sentence needs to go down to the creek by the cottonwood tree with a rope and think about what it has done.

Posted 3/30/2009 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

Then I said, there's no way I'm buying this bitch a drink.

A bobcat has attacked three people in the central Arizona community of Cottonwood, including two men who were bitten by the animal after it wandered inside a bar.

Sorry, I got no better set-up to "a bobcat walks into a bar."

Posted 3/29/2009 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

I love how nuclear power gets tossed around like a wet blanket every time oil get expensive.

The story of the original collapse of the American nuclear industry has been told many times. It is basically the story of an immature industry that grew way too fast, quintupling the size of its plants in just a few years, even as it was struggling with dangerously complex new technologies and an understandably onerous regulatory process, buffeted by plummeting electricity demand and soaring interest rates. The last nuclear plant ordered by a U.S. utility broke ground in 1973 and took 23 years to finish. The average cost overrun for a reactor approached 300%; the Washington Public Power Supply System - known as "whoops" - walked away from three plants mid-construction, triggering the largest municipal bond default in U.S. history. Even the reactor that failed at TMI was $500 million over budget and five years behind schedule.

Yeah, they're not cheap, blah blah blah, but guess what is? Shivering in the dark.

Look, if your government would let the NRC approve breeder reactors, 99% of the waste issue goes away. So why don't we suck it up and build the damn things like France did? And we call them the pussies.

Posted 3/29/2009 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Should everyone, everywhere have a gun? No, but it's dumb to say that no one no where should have a gun because guess what? Someone's gonna have a gun. But don't let your ephemeral emotions dictate policy when it comes to gun laws. Of course, when talking about allowing guns on Texas campuses (by licensed gun owners), you've got to get someone with a VT shirt to plead the case.

“Then I learned pretty fast that wouldn’t solve anything,” said Woods, who is now a graduate student at UT. “The idea that somebody could stop a school shooting with a gun is impossible. It’s reactive, not preventative.”

Impossible? Well, no. What's impossible is to think that a law is going to keep all guns off your campus. Say, wasn't VT a gun free zone, too? What happened?!? Did he break the law when he brought that gun onto campus? Oh yeah, he killed 32 people, too. BUT IT WAS A GUN FREE ZONE?!? What happened?

Posted 3/29/2009 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

Why do I have the feeling that the backstories of some of the pictures are going to be retold in a smoky room, prefaced by the phrase "I knew I had a problem when. . . ."

Posted 3/28/2009 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

I know they're not the panacea for the world's problems, but other than their disposal, I don't know why compact fluorescent light bulbs are getting such a bad rap.

It sounds like such a simple thing to do: buy some new light bulbs, screw them in, save the planet.

Well, OK, maybe that explains it. I don't want to save the planet. I just to turn on the light so I can read People en Español, but that's another story.

But a lot of people these days are finding the new compact fluorescent bulbs anything but simple. Consumers who are trying them say they sometimes fail to work, or wear out early. At best, people discover that using the bulbs requires learning a long list of dos and don’ts.

You screw it in, you turn it on. What's the problem? Ok, the disposal is a bit of a pain, but still. I don't understand what people expect from then. They go out, it's an imperfect world, deal with it.

If you want to lower your electric (and subsequently, your A/C) bill, this is the easiest way to do it.

Posted 3/28/2009 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Thanks, Boston, for giving us your kid-raping priest. But we'll give 'em a good home.

Jurors have sentenced a Roman Catholic priest convicted of child sex abuse to 50 years in prison, a term double the original sentence he received during his first trial for the crime.

The Rev. Thomas Teczar had been sentenced to 25 years by a judge in 2007 for raping and molesting an 11-year-old boy. But his convictions on three counts of aggravated sexual assault of a child and indecency with a child were overturned on appeal last fall because of testimony from a witness.

Teczar is in the process of being defrocked at the request of the Fort Worth Roman Catholic Diocese, where he served as a priest from 1988-93 in several parishes.

The diocese has settled with six of Teczar’s accusers, including two in 2005 who received $4.15 million.

Teczar was a priest in the Worcester, Mass., diocese until he was kicked out in 1986 for misconduct with boys. He returned to Massachusetts after the abuse allegations surfaced in Texas, diocese officials have said.

You diddle a teenage boy at Wal-Mart, you don't get your job back. What's going on here?

Posted 3/27/2009 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting viewpoint of the Soviet way of life.

Though invented by Lenin in Russia, totalitarian Communism has, after all, ruled nearly twenty countries and about 40 percent of the world’s people at one time or another, and it has inspired true believers almost everywhere, including the United States. The documents show that, if anything, the ideology was more pervasive and dangerous than we thought.

A point not often brought up by lefty hippies today: These people wanted to kill us.

Reminds me of another story of this nice young chap, Pavlik, who was used extensively by the Soviets to show that the family was no no match for the power of the State.

Posted 3/27/2009 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

To be a sex-offender, don't you have to molest someone other than yourself? Because if not, every male over the age of 11 belongs behind bars.

A 14-year-old New Jersey girl has been accused of child pornography after posting nearly 30 explicit nude pictures of herself on MySpace.com — charges that could force her to register as a sex offender if convicted.

The case comes as prosecutors nationwide pursue child pornography cases resulting from kids sending nude photos to one another over cell phones and e-mail. Legal experts, though, could not recall another case of a child porn charge resulting from a teen's posting to a social networking site.

This is beyond ridiculous.

Posted 3/27/2009 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

I guess dogs can smell money. Who knew?

Texas Department of Public Safety troopers seized $665,245 from three men near Groom on Tuesday.

The troopers stopped a Ford pickup for speeding about 5:15 p.m. After gaining consent to search the vehicle, they found $639,745 in a spare tire mounted under the truck and a total of $25,500 in the pockets of two of the men in the truck, according to the agency. They also seized a .22-caliber pistol.

You know what the cops have to do to declare any amount of currency "drug" money? Almost nothing. You know what they have to do to give it back to you after you prove you earned it legally? The same thing, nothing.

Posted 3/27/2009 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

Wind chill is a meaningless, made-up term used to scare old people, and here's how they make it up.

Here's the formula for figuring the wind chill factor.

The National Weather Service's new wind chill formula is:

T_wc=35.74 + 0.6215T_a - 35.75V^0.16 + 0.4275T_aV^0.16

Where T_wc is the wind chill temperature, T_a is the ambient temperature and V is wind speed.

It's all a scam. A 33ºF ambient temperature and a 10 mph wind "results" in a 25ºF wind chill, yet that environment still isn't cold enough to freeze water. Ever.

Posted 3/26/2009 09:33:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out the D.A. in Galveston isn't quite a bored as you'd think. After seven months, charges dropped on the Wal-mart potty mouth:

Authorities have dropped a disorderly conduct charge filed against a woman who was handcuffed while being cited for using the F-word in a casual conversation at a Wal-Mart, the La Marque interim city manager said today.

City prosecutor Jay Brown dropped the charge recently after finding that there was insufficient evidence to prosecute Kathryn Fridge, 29, of La Marque, City Manager Eric Gage said.

“Of course, we would have hoped to prevail in the case, but not if there’s not significant evidence,” Gage said.

Fridge was not immediately available for comment.

Not significant evidence, or significant fucking reason?

Posted 3/26/2009 09:32:00 PM by Douglas

Texas legislator moves that much closer to "Take your gun to work day" being all year round.

Texans would be allowed to stow their guns and ammo inside their locked cars or trucks while at work and parked on employer property under a controversial bill passed Wednesday by the state Senate.

The Senate voted 31-0 to prohibit employers from enforcing restrictions against employees possessing a legally owned handgun or ammunition inside a locked vehicle while in a company parking lot. Firearms and ammo must be stored out of sight.

I've never really understood the sign that allows people to make it illegal to carry their guns, when the state says it's perfectly legal. What other law can you effectively negate with proper signage?

Posted 3/26/2009 09:28:00 PM by Douglas

Furthering Texas' psychosis of refusing to admit the existence of Alaska, we're #1 in trees! Suck on that, West Virginia!

The first detailed statewide tree count in Texas history is headed toward this conclusion: Texas is No. 2.

The Texas Forest Service said Wednesday initial results of the first inventory outside East Texas indicate that the state has 60 million acres of forest land. That is second to Alaska and is about 23 percent of the forestation in the southern U.S.

Considering well over half the state west of I-35 probably has only six dozen trees combined, this really does say something about the piney woods of East Texas.

Posted 3/26/2009 09:23:00 PM by Douglas

I'll show them! I'll paint a dong on their roof!

An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

Nope, not gonna link to the pict.

Posted 3/26/2009 09:16:00 PM by Douglas

Ha! Google classic.

Posted 3/26/2009 09:15:00 PM by Douglas

I've been there. Except I think it's Denver, not Prague.


Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport

Posted 3/23/2009 06:56:00 PM by Douglas

Colbert won, but there's no way in hell NASA's gonna name Node 3 after this smart-ass

NASA's online contest to name a new room at the international space station went awry. Comedian Stephen Colbert won.

The name "Colbert" beat out NASA's four suggested options in the space agency's effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.

NASA's mistake was allowing write-ins. Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, "The Colbert Report" to write in his name. And they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes. Nearly 1.2 million votes were cast by the time the contest ended Friday.

NASA reserves the right to choose an appropriate name. Agency spokesman John Yembrick said NASA will decide in April, but will give top vote-getters "the most consideration."

He'll never win, but the fight's gonna be funny as hell.

Posted 3/22/2009 10:43:00 PM by Douglas

This one's just creepy. The whole site. What THE hell?!?

Posted 3/22/2009 02:30:00 PM by Douglas

Stripping your way out of the recession.

The tough job market is prompting a growing number of women across the country to dance in strip clubs, appear in adult movies or pose for magazines like Hustler.

Employers across the adult entertainment industry say they're seeing an influx of applications from women who, like Brown, are attracted by the promise of flexible schedules and fast cash. Many have college degrees and held white-collar jobs until the economy soured.

Money pulled out of your ass-crack is still money. I just can't imagine that this market isn't going to dry up soon, too. If you can't make your mortgage payment, you're not going to drop a few bills at the titty bar. But what's a brotha to do when he's broke? My plan goes a little something like this:

Posted 3/21/2009 01:07:00 PM by Douglas

Three today:

• 11 pounds of weed
• 230 pounds of weed
• 2.2 kg of meth

Labels: I-40 Drug Bust

Posted 3/21/2009 02:39:00 AM by Douglas

The dogs can smell money now? What do they train them with to find cash?

Customs agents in Laredo, aided by a sniffer dog, found 75 bundles of U.S. currency totaling nearly $3 million hidden in the floor of a commercial bus crossing into Mexico, Customs and Border Protection said Friday.

No one was immediately arrested or detained, but Immigrations and Customs Enforcement continued to investigate, CBP spokeswoman Mucia Dovalina said.

The cash was found Thursday night after a CBP dog alerted to the aroma of currency coming from inside the bus’s floor and an X-ray scan confirmed odd shapes.

To pick up the scent of money, do they train the dogs to sniff old Levi's, coke, or stripper ass? 'cause if the dogs picked up the scent of striper ass on old Levi's, that would really slow down everyone trying to cross the border.

Posted 3/18/2009 05:57:00 PM by Douglas

Two interesting, yet diametrically opposed articles about black people with AIDS. One from Houston, Texas, where a man of the cloth encourages his people to get tested and use protection.

“Are you ready for me to change your life in 20 minutes?” he asks during the monthly “Get Tested Sunday.”

He reminds congregants to pay attention to HIV — a preventable infection racing through Houston’s black community mostly via unprotected sex.

Pastor Rudy Rasmus made the fight against HIV a part of his ministry 15 years ago after “too many funeral service requests for young people who died” from AIDS complications. Today, the church offers HIV testing, homeless services and other outreach through the nonprofit Bread of Life.

“What’s the next step after you take this test?” David asks before the finger prick for a speck of blood or a mouth swab to capture oral fluid. The results show up within 20 minutes.

During counseling, David asks women and men about “condom negotiation skills” — reducing risks with reluctant partners.

Interesting. I don't think anyone is touting a condom as anything more than a way to "reduce the risk" of transmitting the disease, but hey, every little bit helps, right? Right?!? Well, no. Not if you're the spiritual leader of two thirds of the world's Christians, speaking to the poorest continent on earth and the epicenter of the AIDS epidemic. To him, condoms still make god angry.

However, the Church's concern about condoms is only part of wider teaching aimed at allowing people to live better, more fulfilled lives.

It believes that encouraging people to use condoms to minimise the worst effects of behaviour that in itself impoverishes their lives is to fail them.

Pope Benedict put it this way not long after he took office in 2005. He told African bishops that contraception was among trends leading to a breakdown in sexual morality.

"It is of great concern that the fabric of African life, its very source of hope and stability, is threatened by divorce, abortion, prostitution, human trafficking and a contraception mentality."

Huh? News flash, Popey McFunnyhat, people don't screw each other because they want AIDS. Hell, most don't even screw each other because they want a baby. If you want to pull out (sorry, bad pun) the standard Catholic stance about why contraception is wrong (because God will decide when you're ready to be a parent) then I guess it's not that difficult to extrapolate that God will decide when you're ready to get HIV, too.

It's all part of God's Will and your sinful, sinful ways.

So don't bother baggin' it, Africa, just keep dying! Maybe you'll hear some cool words in Latin as you draw your last breath that gives you some kind of solace.

Posted 3/18/2009 05:52:00 PM by Douglas

I was wondering when the pitchforks were going to get here. Thanks, Colbert!

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Stephen's Angry Mob Will Crush AIG

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Mark Sanford
NASA Name Contest

If only if it were for real.

Posted 3/18/2009 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

This made me sad, yet laugh at the same time. America's first Bat-ronaut. [Although, probably not. Just the first one on camera.]

A small bat that was spotted blasting off with the space shuttle Sunday and clinging to the back side of Discovery's external fuel tank apparently held on throughout the launch.

NASA hoped the bat would fly away before the spacecraft's Sunday evening liftoff, but photos from the launch now show the bat holding on for dear life throughout the fiery ride.

"He did change the direction he was pointing from time to time throughout countdown but ultimately never flew away," states a NASA memo obtained by SPACE.com. "Infrared imagery shows he was alive and not frozen like many would think ... Liftoff imagery analysis confirmed that he held on until at least the vehicle cleared [the] tower before we lost sight of him."

But he's OK, right?

"Based on images and video, a wildlife expert who provides support to the center said the small creature was a free tail bat that likely had a broken left wing and some problem with its right shoulder or wrist," NASA officials said Tuesday. "The animal likely perished quickly during Discovery's climb into orbit."

"Perished quickly" is NASA-speak for being vaporized by a million pounds of rocket propellant. But here's to you, baty. Dare to dream!

Houston, Discovery. The rabies has landed.

Of course, no one really weeps for the buzzards, either.

Posted 3/18/2009 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

Don't know why this interests me today:



The Spanish invasion of Peru and the first gunshot wound in the new world. Maybe.

Posted 3/18/2009 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

The FED, in attempt to pull out every page of their 1931 playbook to keep this economy in the shitter, has rolled out some more federal money. Not much, though, just another $1.2 Trillion.

With the country sinking deeper into recession, the Federal Reserve launched a bold $1.2 trillion effort Wednesday to lower rates on mortgages and other consumer debt, spur spending and revive the economy.

To do so, the Fed will spend up to $300 billion to buy long-term government bonds and an additional $750 billion in mortgage-backed securities guaranteed by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke and his colleagues wrapped a two-day meeting by leaving a key short-term bank lending rate at a record low of between zero and 0.25 percent. Economists predict the Fed will hold the rate in that zone for the rest of this year and for most — if not all — of next year.

The decision to hold rates near zero was widely expected. But the Fed's plan to buy government bonds and the sheer amount — $1.2 trillion — of the extra money to be pumped into the U.S. economy was a surprise.

So 0-0.25% Fed rate isn't working, yet the economy is still in the toilet. Guess what? They can't go below zero, can they? Holy shit, I think I just came up with the next idea!! Negative interest rates! Negative Interest Rates© consists of money the Fed gives you for taking their worthless fiat dollars off their hands and putting them down a stripper's g-string, so she can buy baby formula and meth. Not necessarily in that order.

What could go wrong? At least with a lap-dance, you kinda get something for your money, instead of giving it to those AIG Freddie/Fannie assholes that just watched it evaporate.

Posted 3/17/2009 06:38:00 PM by Douglas

Almost three years later, but the severed head finally has a name.

Police have used DNA to identify a man whose head was found three years ago in the back of a city garbage truck.

The remainder of Kevin Thomas Walsh’s body still hasn’t been found but police said on Monday they hope that knowing more about his background may provide clues about his death. Walsh’s family provided DNA samples for matching.

Police continue to investigate Walsh’s death as suspicious.

Searching for "severed head", as I do most Tuesday afternoons, reminded me I first blogged this story here. Still, even if he was sleeping in a trash bin and was decapitated post mortem, I'd still say that's got a hint of suspicion about it.

The AGN story. Check out the head before it was liberated. Is it just me, or does that sketch look NOTHING like that guy??

Posted 3/17/2009 08:41:00 AM by Douglas

So what's new about it?

The first day of a new highway drug interdiction program in Potter County pulled in 54 pounds of marijuana.

Potter County deputies stopped a 1998 Nissan Maxima on Interstate 40 near mile marker 64 for speeding.

Potter County Sheriff's Capt. Greg Daniel said the six to 10 deputies who participate in the program are trained in highway interdiction methods and will be patrolling roadways.

Labels: I-40 Drug Bust

Posted 3/17/2009 12:42:00 AM by Douglas

Terry Southern wrote much of the hilarious dialog in one of the funniest movies of the 20th century, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Here's a great article about some of his other work, and how he fell out of the Hollywood system.

That’s why you need to read the stories. Southern’s short stories, both satirical and “serious,” are distinguished by prose mastery, subtlety and a truly mind-blowing range of genre and subject matter, possibly unique in U.S. fiction, from the magic realism avant la lettre of a Texas dirt farmer battling a mythical sea-monster in his melon patch, through the minutely examined lives of tragically hip expatriates in Paris, and insider views of the French working class, to the anomie and casual sadism of disaffected young boys. Whether the boys in these stories are in south Texas (where Southern grew up) or New York City, the dialogue is always pitch perfect and the milieu is coolly exact.

Imagine that? Writers used to write? I really like this quote from Michael O'Donoghue on Southern's wiki page:

"If there were a Mount Rushmore of American satire, Terry Southern would be the mountain they’d carve it from."

Ah satire, how I miss it.

Posted 3/15/2009 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Where is the public outrage from the bailout money? The first half-trillion was bad enough, but now where're encouraging failure by paying for bonuses.

White House officials and some members of Congress reacted strongly Sunday to news that insurance giant AIG had intended to pay out $165 million in bonuses and compensation. The company has received at least $170 billion in federal bailout money.

I like the way this one's worded. "Had intended" to. As in "had intended to, but didn't." That's not what's happened, is it?

I just don't understand how the bonuses are mandatory, yet without money from Uncle Sucker, they wouldn't get squat. Pretty fucking arrogant for AIG to thumb their nose at the rest of us. Since the Fed firmly affixed the "unfailable" stamp on them, they realize they can do whatever they want.

That's how this is going to go down. GM, I hope you're taking notes.

Posted 3/15/2009 01:49:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out alligators don't get safer when you get drunker.

"In 10 out of 10 documented cases of violent alligator–drunkard encounters, the reptile was not influenced by the fact that the victim was 'just kidding' or 'just having some fun,'" McCrory said.

For the record, I didn't get drunk and rassle a gator, I just witnessed it.

Posted 3/14/2009 03:14:00 PM by Douglas

Happy Pi day dorks.

Pi Day is the uber-holiday of cyberspace, a holiday which grew up from the grass roots and which has now been recognized in a resolution introduced in Congress March 9, 2009. Here's a salute to Pi Day!

(PRWEB) March 12, 2009 -- NationalPiDay.org, the website of Pi Day, salutes the coming of age of Pi Day, the uber-holiday of cyberspace, a holiday which grew up from the grass roots and which has now been recognized in a resolution introduced in the US Congress March 9, 2009.

Pi is the ratio between the circumference of a circle and its diameter. Symbolized by the Greek letter "Pi", it is an infinite irrational, transcendental number.

Pi day the same month as square root day? Overload, nerd overload!!!

Posted 3/14/2009 03:09:00 PM by Douglas

No one's going to get a medal for screwing over the unemployed, but there's something to be said for reading the fine print.

But looking at the fine print that came with his new unemployment debit card, he became livid.

"A $1.50 [fee] here, a $1.50 there," he said. "Forty cents for a balance inquiry. Fifty cents to have your card denied. Thirty-five cents to have your account accessed by telephone."

He was quoting fees listed in a brochure that goes out to every unemployed person in Pennsylvania who chooses to receive benefits via debit card. He was given the option when he filed for jobless payments: Wait 10 days for a check or get the card immediately. Like most of the 925,000 state residents who received unemployment benefits in February in Pennsylvania, he chose the debit card and only then, he says, did he learn about the fees.

So who gets the fees? Do they go back to the state's unemployment fund? If so, then brilliant! If the merchants get them, then it's a total scam.

I guess you should have waited for the check. Convenience isn't free.

Posted 3/14/2009 03:04:00 PM by Douglas

Russians looking to Cuba as a springboard for their bombers. That's always a good sign:

Russia expressed interest in using Cuban airfields during patrol missions of its strategic bombers, Russia's Interfax news agency reported.

"There are four or five airfields in Cuba with 4,000-meter-long runways, which absolutely suit us," Maj. Gen. Anatoly Zhikharev told Interfax.

Zhikharev, who is the chief of staff of the Russian Air Force's long-range aviation, said, "If the two chiefs of state display such a political will, we are ready to fly there."

These things always work out, right?

Posted 3/14/2009 02:39:00 PM by Douglas

Mmmmm, black tar heroin. The richest kind!

League City Police Sgt. John Jordan said the suspects — a 17-year-old male high school student and 18-year-old female student at San Jacinto College South Campus — were each charged with possession of a controlled substance. Jordan declined to release their names to prevent the police department’s investigation from being compromised. The 17-year-old suspect was taken to the Galveston County Jail in Galveston and the other suspect remained in police custody Friday afternoon.

The drug the two are suspected of using is liquid heroin. The drug is gaining popularity among some area high school students, authorities said.

The drug is mixed with water and then either swallowed or snorted, Jordan said. It is a brownish color and has a pungent odor.

The liquid heroin is often kept in Visine bottles or in small brown glass bottles that are an inch tall, about the width of a marker, and contain an eyedropper, Jordan said.

I personally can sleep better at night knowing there are men and women of local and state law enforcement diligently working to keep 18 year old adults from drinking a Coors Light six-pack. Meanwhile, these same high school girls are snorting horse out of Visine bottles.

Posted 3/14/2009 02:33:00 PM by Douglas

TRS lost $30 Billion more than they originally thought. To that I say get in line.

A newly released report shows that the state teacher retirement system has suffered investment losses that were billions of dollars more than expected.

On Friday, legislators were assessing the report, which showed the pension’s unfunded liabilities have more than tripled in six months — to $40.4 billion from $11.5 billion, according to an online story in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

If the shortfall is not made up, the pension in the long term won’t be able to meet its obligations to all its members.

I have no idea how this is news. Guess who else has lost 30-50% of any savings they had invested in retirement plans? Everyone.

Posted 3/14/2009 02:29:00 PM by Douglas

Joe Biden offers up $1.3 Billion of your dollars to support an anachronistic mode of transportation because he thinks it's cute.

Vice President Joe Biden continued the administration's rollout of the recently passed economic stimulus package Friday, highlighting $1.3 billion in federal funding for Amtrak.

Vice President Joe Biden called Amtrak "an absolute national treasure and necessity."

The money for the rail service, which carried almost 29 million passengers in the previous fiscal year, will go primarily to infrastructure repair and improvement.

$1.3 Billion for 29 million passengers? So that's almost $50 of gub'ment handout per passenger on top of what they paid for their tickets. And have you ever priced an Amtrak ticket? You would think it would be a little bit cheaper than a plane ticket, but it is not. It's just 10 to 50 hours slower.

Posted 3/14/2009 12:53:00 PM by Douglas

Another one.

A traffic stop Wednesday on Interstate 40 led to the discovery of nearly $68,000 and about 22 grams of marijuana.

According to the Texas Department of Public Safety, troopers observed "signs of criminal activity" and smelled burnt marijuana. Troopers began a search of the 2009 Cadillac and allegedly found the money in the men's luggage.

Labels: I-40 Drug Bust

Posted 3/13/2009 06:29:00 PM by Douglas

Jon Stewart hands Cramer his ass last night.

Jon Stewart hammered Jim Cramer and his network, CNBC, in their anticipated face-off on "The Daily Show," repeatedly chastising the "Mad Money" host for putting entertainment above journalism.

"I understand that you want to make finance entertaining, but it's not a ... game," Stewart told Cramer, adding in an expletive during the show's Thursday taping. The episode was scheduled to air at 11 p.m. EDT on Comedy Central.

The main difference between Stewart and Cramer? One of them doesn't realize that he's a dancin' monkey.

Posted 3/13/2009 06:18:00 PM by Douglas

I don't know why stories about people taking Saturday Night Live too seriously always makes me laugh.

Hawaii's lieutenant governor and some in the state's tourism industry aren't laughing over a "Saturday Night Live" skit they fear could deter people from visiting the islands.

The four-minute skit, an exaggerated portrayal of how annoying and frustrating it can be to deal with tourists, depicts a pair of disgruntled locals who sing and dance for mainland visitors.

The sketch features Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who lived in Hawaii for a year in high school, and SNL comedian Fred Armisen as poorly paid entertainers serenading U.S. mainlanders at a restaurant. Wearing grass skirts, the two make the rounds of dinner tables while performing sloppy imitations of Hawaiian music and the hula.

When a woman gushes about being in Hawaii for her honeymoon, telling the entertainers "it must be fun working here," they respond sarcastically.

"Yeah, it's great. They make us wear grass skirts," Armisen says. "We make $7 an hour. It's a dream job."

Johnson tells one visitor: "It's a fun fact about Hawaii. Our biggest export is coffee. And our biggest import is fat white tourists!"

Hit a little too close to the truth?

Posted 3/13/2009 06:06:00 PM by Douglas

Be careful with used furniture. You never know when you might pick up a hitch-hiker.

The mysterious mewing in Vickie Mendenhall's home started about the time she bought a used couch for $27. After days of searching for the source of the noise, she found a very hungry calico cat living in her sofa.

Her boyfriend, Chris Lund, was watching TV on Tuesday night and felt something move inside the couch. He pulled it away from the wall, lifted it up and there was the cat, which apparently crawled through a small hole on the underside.

And of course, it had to be a calico. Them bitches are nuthin' but trouble.

Posted 3/13/2009 05:58:00 PM by Douglas

Three more

Labels: I-40 Drug Bust

Posted 3/13/2009 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, a tax holiday I can get behind.

Every summer, just before children go back to school, millions of Texas families take advantage of a three-day sales tax holiday to buy clothes and shoes for the youngsters.

Sen. Jeff Wentworth wants to do the same for hunters who need handguns, rifles, shotguns and ammunition for their annual hunting trip. The San Antonio Republican has introduced a bill that would exempt the sale of those items from the state sales tax if purchased the last weekend of August.

I have to wait 'till August? But I'm mad now!

Posted 3/12/2009 10:47:00 PM by Douglas

Spooky, transparent fish of the deep:



It's a crazy world, someone oughta sell tickets. Also, what's Bruce Robison doing at the Monterey Bay Aquarium? Those CDs not selling like you planned?

Posted 3/12/2009 07:48:00 PM by Douglas

Governor Perry is a distinguished man of principle. Look at him turn down the portion of the federal cash trough that he doesn't agree with.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry on Thursday rejected $555 million in federal stimulus money that would expand state unemployment benefits, saying the money would have required the state to keep funding the expanded benefits after the stimulus money ran out. Perry, an outspoken critic of President Barack Obama's $787 billion stimulus bill, did accept most of the roughly $17 billion slated for Texas in the plan.

Way to go, dude. Stand up for what you believe in, and turn down that 0.3% of the federal handout so you can grand stand in front of Republicans while pissing off people that were laid off, all at the same time.

Posted 3/12/2009 07:40:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes you just want the fucking weather.

Posted 3/12/2009 07:37:00 PM by Douglas

I love this! Really sums up my day!

Posted 3/12/2009 07:29:00 PM by Douglas

In space, there's no such thing as a near miss.

Space station commander Mike Fincke, flight engineer Yury Lonchkov and Sandra Magnus evacuated to the lab's Russian Soyuz spacecraft today because of a predicted close encounter with debris from a spent upper stage booster rocket. But the space junk streaked harmlessly past the station around 12:39 p.m. and the crew was cleared to re-enter the lab complex.

I don't know what would be worse: losing cabin pressure by a debris strike, or a 'hard landing' in a Soyuz with two of your closest friends. There isn't enough room in the Soyuz for two crewmembers to fart, much less three.

Posted 3/12/2009 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

No one can convince me why the hell I should join facebook. A lot of people have told me that I needed to join, but not why. This hilarious article sums up, perfectly, why I find the whole thing so abjectly ridiculous. Here are some totally random lines from the article, but read the whole thing:

I am indeed saying something, and it is this: I hate Facebook and everyone on it, including my friends, who I like.

[...]

I told him he was a very sad man, that collecting Facebook friends is the equivalent of being a catlady, collecting numerous Himalayans, which you have neither the time nor the inclination to feed. "You have obviously never been on Facebook," he said. "It's so much worse than collecting cats." By this week, however, he'd lost all ironic distance.

[...]

He concedes that Facebook is a place that turns adults into teenage girls.

[...]

Time magazine recently declared Facebook more popular than porn. But who are they kidding? Facebook is porn. With porn, you watch other people take off their clothes and abase themselves in public. On Facebook, where there's technically an anti-nudity policy (thus defeating the whole purpose of the Internet), you get to figuratively do the same.

Sweet Jeebus, the whole thing is perfect. Read it, kill your facebook page and go out and poke someone (or get poked) for real for a change.

Posted 3/11/2009 06:23:00 PM by Douglas

Bill Gerstenmaier does Colbert last night:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Space Module Colbert - William Gerstenmaier

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
NASA Name Contest

It'll be interesting to see what NASA does. They try to engage the public with the naming of the new module, and then only list their lame-assed suggestions. They'll ride the publicity of the Colbert Bump, but then go ahead and do whatever they wanted to in the first place.

Posted 3/10/2009 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

Don't make out with this one. Crazy drunk bitch will bite your tongue off. Not bite your tongue, bite your tongue off, o-f-f.

Tracy Davies, 40, bit off a third of Mark Coghill's tongue after telling him "you never give me smoochy kisses any more".

And probably not for a while longer, either. But I'm posting for this:

He said: "She let out a satisfaction sound, like if you have a cup of tea when you haven't had one for a few days.

"A 'mmmm' sound."

She made the 'yummy' sound! Mel Brooks would be pleased:

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To you. You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.
Igor: I didn't make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But you did. I just heard it.

I guess she did.

Posted 3/10/2009 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Two more busts on I-40. 190 lbs. of weed and another 730 lbs.

Labels: I-40 Drug Bust

Posted 3/10/2009 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

From the department of "We're Making all this Shit Up", sea levels will swallow your dog by 2099.

Sea levels this century may rise several times higher than predictions made in 2007 that form the scientific foundation for policymakers today, the meeting heard.

In March 2007, the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) concluded that global warming, if unchecked, would lead to a devastating amalgam of floods, drought, disease and extreme weather by the century end.

The world's oceans would creep up 18 to 59 centimetres (7 to 23 inches), enough to wipe out several small island nations, and wreak havoc for tens of millions living in low-lying deltas in east Asia, the Indian subcontinent and Africa.

Take a step back and open your mind real wide, E, and imagine, just imagine, what would happen if these dorks put their bald, pointy heads together and said, "naw, we're cool. Noting bad going to happen for at least 500 years." Where's the news then?

These fucking chicken littles get paid by the disaster, and all they have to do is predict it. It doesn't even have to come true.

Labels: global warming

Posted 3/10/2009 05:08:00 PM by Douglas

The latest casualty of the economic downturn. Sam Malone. The real Sam Malone from the real Cheers in Boston got canned.

Eddie Doyle was the guy who really did know everybody's name, at least when he started working at the tavern that inspired the television show "Cheers."

Now Doyle is out of a job, laid off from "Cheers" after 35 years. The bar's owner has said a tough economy and sagging business forced the move, which was one of several layoffs.

Firing a bartender after 35 years? I guess those residual checks stopped coming in. Still, anyone that's every known their bar, you have to know that this bar sucked ass as soon as the show hit the air.

Posted 3/05/2009 06:32:00 PM by Douglas

To the surprise of absolutely no one, GM is throwing down the bankruptcy card to get more hand-outs from Uncle Sucker.

The doubt, according to Deloitte & Touche LLC, is about whether GM can overcome its staggering losses and generate enough cash to stay in business, or remain a "going concern" as accountants would say.

GM concedes in the report filed Thursday that it's on the edge of bankruptcy and won't be able to avoid it unless it gets more government money and successfully executes a huge restructuring plan.

It's no surprise that auditors would question GM's viability. The Detroit-based behemoth lost $30.9 billion last year, is living on $13.4 billion in government loans, and is seeking up to $30 billion as it tries to survive the worst auto sales climate in 27 years.

Is there anyone stupid enough to believe that they didn't know how bad it was, and didn't ask for the $30Bills the first go-round. Oh right, they would have never got it. But they think they can nickel and dime us, and by nickel and dime, I mean 5 or 10 billion at a time, and get away with it. Which they probably will.

Posted 3/05/2009 06:11:00 PM by Douglas

This sounds like something out of a Bruce Willis movie.

Harris County sheriff's deputies and Houston police are still sorting out the details as they try to find out who killed a man in a shooting that led to a chase in which a driver fired at a deputy before finally giving up.

The incident began about 10:15 p.m. when police were sent to investigate reports of gunfire coming from a Mambo's restaurant on U.S. 290 near Tidwell.

"As they arrived, a large group of people in the parking lot pointed to a white pickup truck that was fleeing the area," said Lt. John Legg of the Sheriff's Office.

The Houston officers pursued the GMC Sierra, but lost sight of it as it headed westbound along 290 and crossed the city limit.

"The vehicle's description and direction of travel was then broadcast to Harris County," Legg said.

Sheriff's patrol cars took up the chase. One deputy was able to maneuver ahead of the pickup and lay a strip of spikes across the roadway.

As the pickup sped by, the driver fired at the deputy but missed, Legg said.

The driver eventually pulled over on 290 near Kickapoo Road. Inside the truck, deputies found an AR-15 rifle and a dead man who had been shot.

Investigators have not determined who shot the man, but Legg said it did not appear that any officers fired their guns during the pursuit.

Maybe he was just out cruzin' around with a corpse?

Posted 3/05/2009 06:01:00 PM by Douglas

Squirrels are on a tear in the panhandle, and won't be happy 'till everyone is sitting in the dark.

A squirrel was the cause of a Wednesday morning power outage that affected more than 4,000 customers in Amarillo.

Xcel spokesman Wes Reeves said the outage occurred at 11:25 a.m., and customers were without power for about 20 minutes.

The squirrel likely made contact with a live wire in the Xcel substation at 34th Avenue and Bell Street.

"It's probably a sign of spring the squirrels are becoming more active," Reeves said.

As for the squirrel, "You don't normally survive that encounter," he said.

Yeah, probably not. But when they do?!? They get super powers!

Posted 3/05/2009 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

I still don't understand how 450 year old Indian bones turned up in the park in Memphis after all those years.

Archeologists have determined that human bones discovered in Memphis last month came from an Indian grave and that they're likely more than 450 years old.

Matthew Taylor, the assistant curator of archaeology for the Panhandle-Plains Historical Museum, said archeologists still are analyzing the bones found at the Memphis City Park, but think they probably predate the first European contact in the area made by explorer Francisco Vazquez de Coronado in 1541.

Weird.

Posted 3/05/2009 05:48:00 PM by Douglas

Two tons of weed? Really, two tons of weed? The drug dog can smell that much weed 10 miles away.

More than 4,400 pounds of marijuana were discovered Monday inside an 18-wheeler truck that was “cloned” to resemble an H-E-B grocery vehicle, authorities said.

H-E-B: Here, Everything's really Better!

Posted 3/05/2009 05:44:00 PM by Douglas

Back in my day, you cut off someone's head and eat it on a bus, you get some jail time. Not in Canada.

A Canadian judge ruled Thursday that a man accused of beheading and cannibalizing a fellow Greyhound bus passenger is not criminally responsible due to mental illness. The decision means Chinese immigrant Vince Li will be treated in a mental institution instead of going to prison. The family of victim Tim McLean said Li got away with murder.

I remembering blogging about this a while back, but when I told some folks about this story, they didn't believe me. I wonder if this makes it more or less believable?

Posted 3/05/2009 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Voyeurism taken to a disgusting level when a medical professional wants to see people in the bathroom.

A Houston dentist will spend four years on probation and pay a $2,000 fine for putting videocameras in the bathroom of his southeast Houston office in a deal brokered Wednesday in court.

Two female employees reported they found tapes from the cameras in the office in August.

I don't know what women do in a dentist's office bathroom, but I don't think it's quite girls gone wild. That's just gross.

This prompted the crazy dentist tag. It happens more often than you'd think.

Labels: crazy dentist

Posted 3/04/2009 05:44:00 PM by Douglas

That kitty is so cold, he can't even put down his front legs

A cat named 'Buddy' sits upright Monday, March 2, 2009 to survey the snowfall around his house n North Haven, Conn., as a late winter storm hit Connecticut Sunday and Monday.

Posted 3/04/2009 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

If you're still paying your mortgage, it's time to quit. Uncle Sucker is coming to the rescue.

Administration officials said the program could help three million to four million families avoid foreclosure, and it is expected to cost $75 billion over the next several years.

Banks that receive additional bailout funds must participate. In addition, the administration has instructed Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two government-controlled mortgage-finance companies, to refinance homeowners at today’s low market rates even if those people have less than the standard 20 percent equity usually required by lenders.

That program, which applies only to people with mortgages owned or guaranteed by Fannie or Freddie, is expected to help as many as five million homeowners who are current on their house payments.

Where is the anarchy in the fucking streets from the rest of us that are still paying our bills?

Posted 3/04/2009 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Colbert is a stupid name for a module of the ISS, but so is Serenity. I would go with Corky.

NASA and its station partners traditionally have named each habitable part of the station, including its three laboratories (the U.S lab- Destiny, the European lab- Columbus, and the Japanese lab- Kibo or Hope), two airlocks (Quest and Pirs or Pier), and two Russian-built modules (Zvezda or Star, and Zarya or Dawn).

Hope, Star, Dawn, and Destiny? I think we need to continue the rich tradition of naming ISS modules after strippers.

Now orbiting for your tips and your tips only, ISS Module Cherri!

Posted 3/03/2009 08:08:00 PM by Douglas

Happy square root day, nerds.

Square Root Day is upon us.

The math-buffs' holiday, which only occurs nine times each century, falls on Tuesday — 3/3/09 (for the mathematically challenged, three is the square root of nine).

Or for those that have ever kissed a girl or drank a beer.

The last such day was five years ago, Feb. 2, 2004, which coincided with Groundhog Day. The next is seven years away, on April 4, 2016.

See ya in 2016. Hope you're out of your mom's basement by then.

Posted 3/03/2009 07:21:00 PM by Douglas

Pretty interesting 10 minute cartoon about what went on with the greedy bankers that put the global economy in the toilet. Part 1:



And Part 2:

Posted 3/02/2009 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

If you've ever suffered from somnambulism, you'll find this video freakin' hilarious:



And just like most sleep-walkers, when he finally wakes up, he has no idea where he is, what's he's doing, and he's a little pissed off.

Posted 3/02/2009 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

Great shot of the Washtington Monument, from one of them new-fangeled flying contraptions in 1919. You can't tell by lookin', but the capstone is solid aluminum, and at the time it was set, it was the largest piece of cast aluminum in the world.

Posted 3/02/2009 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Brains found in Oklahoma are incrediably rare.

A 300-million-year-old fossilized brain has been discovered by researchers studying a type of fish that once lived in what is now Kansas and Oklahoma.

"Fossilized brains are unusual, and this is by far the oldest known example," said John Maisey, curator in the division of paleontology at the American Museum of Natural History in New York.

Hey, sometimes drunk fish from Nebraska come wanderin' across the state line lookin' for some more beer and different DNA. It's rare, but it happens.

Posted 3/02/2009 06:49:00 AM by Douglas

Happy Birthday, Texas!

Today is Texas Independence Day, when a group of men met in a tiny unfinished wooden building in the small town of Washington-On-The-Brazos to take the daring step of announcing to the world that they were creating a new nation.

Bevill was doing research for his upcoming book, The Paper Republic, a history of the Republic of Texas from the viewpoint of economics rather than the usual military perspective.

Celebrate accordingly. I'm going to ignore a Mexican.

Posted 3/01/2009 05:57:00 PM by Douglas

T.S. Elliot:

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

Posted 3/01/2009 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Kidnapping, executions, home invasions and military grade weapons. No, not an African militia or Uzbeki Islamofacists. Suburban Phoenix.

Hit men dressed in fake police tactical gear burst into a home in Phoenix, rake it with gunfire and execute a man.

Armed kidnappers snatch victims from cars and even a local shopping mall across the Phoenix valley for ransom, turning the sun-baked city into the "kidnap capital" of the United States.

Violence of this kind is common in Mexico where drug cartel abductions and executions are a daily feature of a raging drug war that claimed 6,000 lives south of the border last year.

But U.S. authorities now fear that violent crime is beginning to bleed over the porous Mexico border and take hold here.

"The fight in Mexico is about domination of the smuggling corridors and those corridors don't stop at the border," Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard said.

I wonder how those that support the disastrous "War on Drugs" can justify this to themselves, considering how much we already spend on it. Prohibition worked out so well for reducing alcohol sales and curbing organized crime.

There is no hope for this country.