Posted 6/30/2005 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Be the first on your block to book a room in a hotel built on land seized from a chief justice. Just imagine the kind of crap they'll have at the gift shop.

Posted 6/30/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

More on the passing of Shelby Foote.

The Civil War, Shelby Foote used to say, was our "Iliad" --- a well of tragedy, triumph and meaning as deep to Americans as the Trojan War was to ancient Greeks. In that case, we've lost a modern-day Homer.

The writer died Monday night at his home in Memphis, his widow, Gwyn, said Tuesday. He was 88.

Though he was born more than 50 years after Appomattox, Foote seemed somehow to have been there when Fort Sumter fell, when Pickett charged, when Lincoln slumped in his rocker at Ford's Theater. Long years of research and writerly craft made him a living link to the terrible conflict he called "the crossroad of our being."

I would have thought much more of the man if I hadn't found out he watched "As the World Turns."

Posted 6/29/2005 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

Is a fusion reactor as a sustainable power source a "pipe dream?" I don't know, but alternate energy sources aren't going to be discovered if we don't start looking.

The choice of France as the site for an international nuclear fusion reactor is a victory for strong-arm European diplomacy, but the EU has had to pay a high price for scientific prestige with uncertain energy benefits.

Sounds to me the EU is already off to a horrible start. The politicians are already hip deep in the blamestorming, and they haven't even squeezed a neutron yet.

"By hosting ITER (International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor), the EU will maintain its position at the forefront of fusion research," the European Commission said in a statement.

"The existence of such a high technology, cutting edge research facility in the EU will have considerable benefits for EU industry."

Well, maybe. Maybe it holds the answers to the world's endless thirst for energy; maybe it's yet another Socialist boondoggle from the EU that does nothing but increase their taxes.

Ian Fells, of the Royal Academy of Engineering in Britain and an expert on energy conversion, described the ITER as a huge physics experiment.

Is anyone sitting around the world waiting for someone from the "Royal Academy" of anything to solve the world's problems? I didn't think so.

"If we can really make this work, there will be enough electricity to last the world for the next 1,000 to 2,000 years. So it is really quite important but quite difficult to do it," Fells told Reuters.

"I give it a 50-50 chance of success but the engineering is very difficult."

Well Ian, duh. Engineering is difficult, because if the problems were trivial, then we wouldn't need egg-heads like you at the Royal Academy, would we? So he's only giving it a 50-50 chance of success. That's pretty damming, considering the €10 Billion price tag that's required to get the project going. But ya know what has a 100% chance of failing to find the energy source that will meet the needs of the 21st century?

Doing nothing.

Posted 6/29/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

See ya at the rodeo!

The Wellington Rodeo Association will hold its Fourth of July Rodeo at 8 p.m. each night Thursday through Saturday at the Fairgrounds.

General admission is $6 for adults and $3 for children 12 and under. The concession stand will open each night at 6 p.m.

There will be a fireworks display Saturday after the rodeo.

A dance will follow the rodeo on Friday and Saturday nights with Hillbilly Stu performing on Friday and Coupe De Ville on Saturday. Admission for the dance is $5.

$5 for the dance at "the slab" with Coupe De Ville or Hillbilly Stu? How could you go wrong?

Posted 6/29/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

The most messed up extra credit assignment in the history of public school.

Two Aldine Senior High School students were failing their chemistry course when their teacher approached them with an unexpected opportunity.

The teens could change their academic fate with one project — and it wouldn't be in the chemistry lab. For a little help in torching and dumping her financially troublesome car, investigators said, the teacher offered a tantalizing possibility — passing grades.

Now, teacher and students are facing far more serious trouble than any report card or grade book could offer.

Tramesha Lashon Fox, 32, of Kingwood, is charged with insurance fraud, a first-degree felony, and arson, a second-degree felony, authorities said. Officers were still searching for her Tuesday evening after obtaining warrants for her arrest.

The two students, Roger Luna, 18, of the 100 block of Coach Lamp, and Darwin Arias, 17, of the 1100 block of Fallbrook, were also charged with arson. Luna was arrested Tuesday night, and Arias was making arrangements to surrender.

Arson's easier than studying.

Posted 6/29/2005 05:08:00 PM by Douglas

Shelby Foote, RIP

Novelist and historian Shelby Foote, whose Southern storyteller's touch inspired millions to read his multivolume work on the Civil War, has died. He was 88.

Foote died Monday night, his widow, Gwyn, said Tuesday.

Foote, a Mississippi native and longtime Memphis resident, wrote six novels but is best remembered for his three-volume, 3,000-page history of the Civil War and his appearance on the PBS series "The Civil War."

He worked on the book for 20 years, using a flowing, narrative style that enabled readers to enjoy it like a historical novel.

"I can't conceive of writing it any other way," Foote once said. "Narrative history is the kind that comes closest to telling the truth. You can never get to the truth, but that's your goal."

Described by many as a "self-hating Southerner" for his admiration of Lincoln, but I thought he was a joy to listen to in The Civil War Mini-series.

Posted 6/29/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

Not exactly the news I wanted to hear before my next BBQ.

The latest U.S. case of mad cow disease was found in a Texas-born animal and not one imported from Canada, U.S. officials confirmed Wednesday.

The beef cow, about 12 years old, was destroyed last November at a Waco, Texas, pet food plant.

But they're so delicious!

Posted 6/28/2005 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

It's about that time: another story about how ethanol is the clean-burning fuel of the future.

Like lots of motorists, Chuck Nye thought he had no choice but to grin and bear it as rising gas prices made filling up his minivan a painful experience. But then he heard a radio ad promoting E85 — a blend of 85 percent ethanol and 15 percent gasoline — that sells for an average of about 45 cents per gallon less than regular unleaded.

Inside his fuel door was a sticker saying Nye had a flexible fuel vehicle, which can burn the homegrown alternative. Nye was sold.

"It's good gas," he said while fueling up at a Holiday station just off Interstate 35E in this Twin Cities suburb. "I haven't noticed any difference in gas mileage performance or engine performance as well."

I don't know what "ethanol-tree" these guys are getting the ethanol, but I smell a big fat government kick-back in this deal.

Labels: ethanol

Posted 6/28/2005 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

My aversion to diamonds continues after finding this fascinating article about the Russian's emergence on the world diamond market with synthetic gem quality stones. I'd like to read the whole thing, but I started off at chapter 17 after looking into this, the once improbable diamond mine in Mirny, Siberia, possibly the largest one of the largest man-made holes in the world, not counting Paris Hilton. But apparently the monopoly and collusion of DeBeers continues, even with the Russians flooding the market with manufactured gem-quality diamonds. So when purchasing a diamond, be sure to keep these things in mind:

• Some Russian laboratory made it and sold it for probably a tenth of the final retail sale price, or
• Some Sub-Saharan African girl's hand was amputated with a machete because she wasn't digging fast enough.

Either way, DeBeers is going to get hold of it, mark it up 100% every time it changes hands, and sell it to some American because we're stupid.

Posted 6/28/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Pretty much descirbes most of my days, though I rarely wear a two piece. It's called the path of least resistance for a reason, folks.

Posted 6/28/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

"We're ready to go." That phrase doesn't just apply to the announcement that NASA director made today, but also to about 100 NASA managers.

A purge of 50 to 100 senior managers at NASA is creating a "climate of fear" among employees, mirroring agency culture prior to the Space Shuttle Columbia explosion in 2003, says an agency watchdog.

At least 25 managers have resigned under pressure since the first week of June and nearly 75 more managers are targeted for elimination by mid-August, says Keith Cowing, editor of NASAwatch.com

The former NASA scientist broke the story of the impending purge after his Web site was inundated with e-mail and leaked memos from former colleagues. Employees are "hunkering down" in fear of being fired and are afraid to offer new ideas or criticism, he said.

Hopefully, this won't have any impact (literally) on the July 13th launch.

U.S. astronauts will blast back into space in a matter of weeks, the head of NASA said Tuesday, despite a new, critical report questioning the safety of this exploration.

The optimistic assessment from NASA administrator Michael Griffin came after a task force review said Monday that the agency failed to meet key safety recommendations that came about as a result of the Columbia tragedy.

"We look like we're in pretty good shape. ... Based on what I know now, we're ready to go," Griffin told the House Science Committee.

Light that thing already!

Posted 6/28/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

I know this is more than likely made up, but in light of the Kelo V. New London case, it works.

Could a hotel be built on the land owned by Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter? A new ruling by the Supreme Court which was supported by Justice Souter himself itself might allow it. A private developer is seeking to use this very law to build a hotel on Souter's land.

Justice Souter's vote in the "Kelo vs. City of New London" decision allows city governments to take land from one private owner and give it to another if the government will generate greater tax revenue or other economic benefits when the land is developed by the new owner.

On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire seeking to start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This is the present location of Mr. Souter's home.

Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare will certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land.

The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."

Clements indicated that the hotel must be built on this particular piece of land because it is a unique site being the home of someone largely responsible for destroying property rights for all Americans.

"This is not a prank" said Clements, "The Towne of Weare has five people on the Board of Selectmen. If three of them vote to use the power of eminent domain to take this land from Mr. Souter we can begin our hotel development."

This clearly is a prank, but the best example yet that I've seen as to how stupid the case is.

Posted 6/28/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

This is what happens when you buy your ultra-light at Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart heir John Walton died Monday when his ultralight aircraft crashed after taking off from an airport in Jackson, Wyoming, the company announced.

He was ranked No. 7 on the Forbes magazine list of the 400 wealthiest Americans in 2004, with a fortune estimated at $20 billion.

Posted 6/27/2005 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Just in case you find a magnet on your SUV to be to emotionally taxing, go ahead and wear a red shirt on Friday. It's much easier than actually doing something.

You will soon see a lot of people wearing RED on Fridays. Here's why.....

The Americans who support our troops, are the silent majority. We are not "organized" to reflect who we are, or to reflect what our opinions are. Many Americans, like yourself, would like to start a grassroots movement using the membership of the Special Operations Association, and Special Forces Associations, and all their friends, simply to recognize that Americans support our troops. We need to inform the local VFW's and American Legion, our local press, local TV, and continue carrying the message to the national levels as we start to get this going. Our idea of showing our solidarity and support for our troops is starting Friday, and continuing on each and every Friday, until this is over, that every RED - blooded American who supports our young men and women, WEAR SOMETHING RED.

Another quote. This time, Carlin:

I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.

Right.

Posted 6/27/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

The Texas Legislature, for once exhibiting a position of not having its head squarely up its ass, tried to take the Kelo V. New London case and head it off at the pass, hopefully before Freeport gets going on that one.

Texas' cultural commitment to private property rights surfaced quickly Thursday as a state legislator moved to blunt the impact of a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that local governments may seize land for private development.

Hours after the court's 5-4 ruling came down, Rep. Frank Corte Jr., R-San Antonio, said he would seek "to defend the rights of property owners in Texas" by proposing a state constitutional amendment limiting local powers of eminent domain, or condemnation.

I'm admit, I'm only about half way through the court's actual ruling, but it seems to me that the opinion of the court is that by increasing the tax base of the community and thus, improving the community, is in the public's interest.

I promise it'll never happen again, but this reminds me of a quote from one of my least favourite presidents:

When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretence of loving liberty -- to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy [sic].

Damn, I hate it when he's right.

Posted 6/26/2005 06:54:00 PM by Douglas

Geeks making jewelry.

Posted 6/26/2005 05:59:00 PM by Douglas

Tired of being freaked out about the possibility of the government seizing your property for a private entity under the guise of eminent domain? Then try this one on for size.

With the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan making it increasingly hard for the U.S. military to fill its ranks with recruits, the Pentagon has hired an outside marketing firm to help compile an extensive database about teenagers and college students that the military services could use to target potential enlistees.

The initiative, which privacy groups call an unwarranted government intrusion into private life, will compile detailed information about high school students ages 16 to 18, all college students, and Selective Service System registrants. The collected information will include Social Security numbers, e-mail addresses, grade-point averages and ethnicities.

Why stop with SSNs, GPAs and email? How 'bout high score on some violent X-box games, or perhaps BAL?

Posted 6/26/2005 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting list of made up words brought to you by The Simpson's. Some of these are pretty cromulent, which oddly enough, is listed as "slang" at dictionary.com.

Posted 6/25/2005 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Enthalpy's word of the day: machination.

Posted 6/25/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Further proof that the NeoCon Pentagon is, in fact, evil.

World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz, a prime architect of the Iraq war during his service as Deputy Defense Secretary, said Tuesday that he hasn't read any of the recently disclosed British government memos that call into question his role and that of other senior administration officials in the run-up to war during 2002.

At a breakfast meeting with reporters, Wolfowitz said he hasn't read the memos because he doesn't want to be distracted by history from his new job as head of the world's leading development bank. He returned this weekend from a tour of four African nations.

"There will be a time and place to talk about history," he added, "but I really don't believe it's now."

Holy crap, what balls! I realize that it really isn't the time/place to discuss it, since he's already gone on to be evil somewhere else, but still, that sentence took some huge, brass cajones. I wonder if he has to get specially fitted suits?

Pick your favourite political scandal from the past, oh, say 50 years, and superimpose that statement on top of it. Nixon's Watergate, Clinton's blue dress, Reagan's Iran-Contra? What if they said "we just don't want to talk about it now?

The fact that this is just getting swept under the rug is just further proof that the Democrats are the Whigs of the 21st century. They are eviscerating all of their credibility by sitting on their hands for this one.

Posted 6/25/2005 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

It's all making sense now. I just knew there was a reason my cat kept nagging me to take her to Hawaii. I thought she wanted to take up surfing.

The audience was eager for the governor to put pen to paper. Some drooled. Catching the spirit of excitement, a few even lost control and barked. Canines of all sizes and a spotted rabbit named Roxy were among those gathered Friday at the Capitol to watch Gov. Linda Lingle sign into law a measure that allows residents to leave a trust for the care of their dog, cat, or other domestic animal.

Friday also marked National "Take Your Pet to Work Day." Several legislators and a number of other workers showed off their four-legged friends, who mostly behaved.

There's a take your pet to work day? These people have been in the sun too long. At least they found representation.

Posted 6/25/2005 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

Flag burning and you. Good to see Congress looking out for the important issues.

A constitutional amendment to outlaw flag burning cleared the House Wednesday but faced an uphill battle in the Senate. An informal survey by The Associated Press suggested the vote there could be close.

The 286-130 outcome was never in doubt in the House, which had passed the measure or one like it five times in recent years. The amendment's supporters expressed optimism that a Republican gain of four seats in last November's election could produce the two-thirds approval needed in the Senate as well after four failed attempts since 1989.

What a bunch of morons. But let's take a look at Section 8, part K of the US flag code, shall we?

(k) The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.

Anyone advocating a Constitutional amendment to ban flag burning is confusing the flag for the freedoms it represents. But it's still going to get your ass kicked at the VFW, although this guy's got some interesting ideas. [via Dullard]

Posted 6/25/2005 04:51:00 PM by Douglas

Let your freak-flag fly, sister!

Mardi Gras, for the artists and artisans of the Krewe of Olympus, never ends.

And though more than a decade has passed since the largely gay and lesbian carnival group has paraded through the streets of New Orleans, its dedication to the carnival spirit remains strong in its adopted hometown. The Olympus float will be among about 15 featured in the 130-unit parade, which is set to roll down Westheimer from Woodhead to Whitney at 8:45 p.m.

I wonder how on earth they're going to make Mardi Gras more gay than it already is? I think they've got their work cut out for them.

Posted 6/25/2005 04:47:00 PM by Douglas

Pretty sad commentary of the state of events when it's not safe to be a friggin' ice cream man anymore.

A push-cart vendor selling ice cream was fatally shot Thursday afternoon near an apartment complex in southwest Houston, police said.

According to a witness, the victim was seen speaking with someone in a small red vehicle. The vehicle sped off and the victim was found on the ground with a gunshot wound, witnesses told police.

"We don't know whether it was a robbery, or retaliation or random," said Detective Darcus Shorten with the Houston police homicide division.

Pretty sad. Sounds like some kind of gang initiation for a bunch of pussies.

Posted 6/25/2005 04:43:00 PM by Douglas

What the hell is going on at Claude?

India Road is an isolated, lonely dirt street in rural Armstrong County. The only discernible sound is the buzzing of cars along U.S. Highway 287 and the soft gentle hum of blowing grass.

But late Thursday, the little road only a few hundred feet from the highway took on a new sound entirely: the loud din of voices wondering what caused the ground to open up to create a small cragged canyon hundreds of yards long, and in some places, about 50 feet deep.

"It's unusual," said Burr Cullender, a science teacher at Claude High School. "I haven't seen anything like it in the Panhandle, and I have lived here for a long time."

Unusual? No, 50º June or a Texas snow-storm in March, or an Amarillo earthquake is unusual, this is downright freaky. Have none of these people ever seen an Indian Jones movie? Jeesh.

Posted 6/25/2005 04:34:00 PM by Douglas

The land grab has already begun. Looks like Galveston County isn't going to try it. Yet.

With Thursday's Supreme Court decision, Freeport officials instructed attorneys to begin preparing legal documents to seize three pieces of waterfront property along the Old Brazos River from two seafood companies for construction of an $8 million private boat marina.

The court, in a 5-4 decision, ruled that cities may bulldoze people's homes or businesses to make way for shopping malls or other private development. The decision gives local governments broad power to seize private property to generate tax revenue.

This is really unbelievable. Being secure in your property is one of the fundamental American ideals, and to think your local government is going to take your property away simply because someone else wants it and can afford to pay more taxes on it is criminally absurd. This one can't get overturned fast enough.

And if you want to hear George Will bloviate on the subject, go for it.

On Thursday the court said that the modifier “public” in the phrase “public use” does not modify government power at all. That is the logic of the opinion written by Justice John Paul Stevens and joined by justices Anthony Kennedy, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer.

In a tart dissent, Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, joined by Chief Justice William Rehnquist, Justice Scalia and Justice Clarence Thomas, noted that the consequences of this decision “will not be random.”

You know it's got to be a bad call if you've got Scalia and Thomas agreeing with O'Connor.

Posted 6/25/2005 04:29:00 PM by Douglas

Looks like this worthless sack of crap is going to get charged with endangerment.

The mother of a 12-year-old boy fatally mauled by the family's pit bulls was charged Thursday with child endangerment.

Nicholas Faibish was killed June 3 by one or both of the family dogs when his mother went out to run errands.

Maureen Faibish, 39, found her son in a bedroom, covered in blood from several wounds, including a major head injury.

"His parent made the decision to leave (Nicholas) alone in a situation that endangered his life and ultimately led to his death," prosecutor Kamala Harris said in a statement.

Maureen Faibish told the San Francisco Chronicle she had been so concerned about one of the dogs that she shut her son in the basement to protect him. She said the male dog was acting possessively because the female was in heat.

Two things bother me about this story. What the hell is endangerment? Seems to me that the connotation of "endangerment" implies you put someone at risk without necessarily causing harm to that person. But if your actions lead to someone's death, endangerment doesn't seem to imply. You might be endangered if I point a gun in your face, but you're not endangered after I pull the trigger. You're freakin' dead.

Also, by locking her son in the basement to keep him away from these dogs shows that she was fully aware of the risk she was placing them in. She can't claim that she didn't know he was in danger, because she took steps to keep the dogs away from him. The fact that she locked her son in the basement so she could go shopping is another matter.

I hope she gets the Scott Peterson jury and not the OJ/Jack-o jury.

Labels: pit bull attacks

Posted 6/23/2005 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

More fallout from F1.

Q: What about the American fans who travelled long distances and spent a lot of money to see a race with only 6 cars?
Max Mosley:My personal view, and it is only my personal view, is that Michelin should offer to compensate the fans on a fair basis and ask the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to coordinate this. Then Tony George and Bernie Ecclestone should jointly announce that the US Grand Prix will take place at Indianapolis in 2006 and that anyone who had a ticket this year would be entitled to the same ticket free-of-charge next year. But I emphasise, that’s just my personal view.

Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen. Most Americans don't even know that F1 exists. Next year, it'll just go somewhere else, and take Michelin with 'em.

Posted 6/23/2005 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes the headline is all you need.

Where have all the moviegoers gone?
This summer may go down as the season many movie lovers jilted movie theaters.

Though going out to the movies remains a popular pastime, a persistent slump at the box office this year reflects the growing number of fans who'd rather catch up on their movies at home rather than join the masses at the multiplex.

With expensive blockbuster after blockbuster quickly fading at the box office, year-over-year ticket sales have fallen 17 straight weekends, the industry's longest losing streak since 1985. Early ticket sales this summer - traditionally the biggest season - have slumped about 8% from 2004, according to tracker Nielsen EDI.

I have an idea: I know I'm not the target audience for most of these movies (I do have an I.Q. over 60, though) but take a look at what's showing at my local theater, courtesy Fqndango.com:

• Herbie: Fully Loaded
• The Perfect Man
• Batman Begins
• The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D
• The Honeymooners
• Mr. & Mrs. Smith
• Cinderella Man
• The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
• The Longest Yard
• Madagascar
• Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars not withstanding, there's not a movie there that I'd go see, even if it was free. Hey Hollywood: How 'bout making some movies that aren't remakes of 70s TV shows and/or movies? That would cut down on the repetitive crap factor by at least a third.

Posted 6/23/2005 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Who would have thought such an amazing molecule could be potentially dangerous.

Buckyballs, described by some scientists as "the perfect molecule" and a hallmark of Rice University research, may cause more havoc in the environment than researchers originally thought.

A team of researchers at Rice and Georgia Tech universities has found that the ultra-tiny, soccer-ball-shaped buckyballs, contrary to what they had thought, do in fact dissolve in water, a finding that suggests they could pose a risk for wildlife and water supplies.

The new results compound concerns raised by earlier studies that found buckyballs can cause brain damage in bass and harm human cells. Discovered nearly two decades ago at Rice, buckyballs are among a handful of new materials, far smaller than human cells or even DNA, driving the nanotechnology revolution.

I'm curious to see how this one goes.

Posted 6/23/2005 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Don't really feel like saying much about the depressing supreme court case today. It's a fargin' sad day in America when a private entity can seize your property and sell more houses where your house used to be. This really sums it up:

Here’s a thought: How about the GOP-controlled Congress puts the flag desecration amendment on the back burner and gets to work on an amendment limiting the power of the state to seize private property from citizens?

And, of course, The Agitator's take.

Sigh is right.

Posted 6/23/2005 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

The funniest joke in the world to be made into a full length, filthy, feature film. I can't wait.

Note to reader: None of the good parts of the joke will be told during the course of this article. Or in any of the ads. Or in the trailer. In fact, much of the content of the movie, a documentary called "The Aristocrats," is basically unrepeatable in just about any mainstream public forum.

Which is the essence of the problem.

"There is no violence or hostility of any kind" in "The Aristocrats," explained Penn Jillette, an executive producer of the film, who is better known as half of the magic act Penn and Teller. "We want to say: 'We have 150 really funny human beings in the back of a room making each other laugh, but they're going to be swearing, and if you don't want to hear swearing, you better not come in.' "

So what's the joke? Basically, it's this: a guy walks into a talent agent's office and says he has a terrific family act. The act, the guy explains, involves a husband who comes out onstage with his wife and two kids.

What follows is the part that can't be told in this publication, or most others, but it's the point at which each comedian in the film cuts loose in a can-you-top-this exercise in pornographic oratory. Cut to the kicker where the talent agent asks, What's the name of the act? The answer comes: the Aristocrats.

Sounds a bit fishy, but I'll bite. I can't help but think of the "funniest joke in the world" skit by Monty Python. So maybe the joke isn't even really the joke. But look who is in it. That's got to be worth a shot just to hear Don Rickles and The Smothers Brothers.

Posted 6/23/2005 05:08:00 PM by Douglas

I don't know if this is funny or sick. Perhaps a little of both. Proving once again that there is, in fact, a web site for everything.

Posted 6/23/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

For the budding wine-snob, fake it 'till ya make it.

"It's a naive domestic burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."

That one's a keeper. Especially if you know anyone going to Napa. For a wedding.

Posted 6/22/2005 08:52:00 PM by Douglas

The suspense is over! The governor didn't even say a 12-letter word, he said a four letter word: MoFo. Seriously, this is newsworthy? Why??

A quick poll: Out of everyone that's going to be upset over this statement, how many realize that the Governor of Texas is largely ceremonial, and it's the Lieutenant Governor is the one that actually wields power in Austin?

But short of that, who the fuck cares? Remember back in 2000, when Bush called the NYT reporter a major league asshole on an open mic? We re-elected him! Let's keep our righteous indignation in perspective, please?

Posted 6/22/2005 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

It's been a long week, and it's only Wednesday. So here it is:

Posted 6/22/2005 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

I don't want to give the impression that this is turning into a Formula 1 blog, but after the events at Indy this weekend, it's looking more and more like I'm never going to see any F1 in America. At the risk of sounding like rugby-playing feminist, the F1 CEO put his foot so far up his mouth, he could open a shoe store in his ass:

It seemed the Formula One president and CEO had seen the error of his words about women racing with men when he called Danica Patrick over the weekend, presumably to apologize.

Asked about Patrick's success, Ecclestone acknowledged her strong finish, but then made an assessment about women racing with men that caused a stir, saying, "You know I've got one of those wonderful ideas ... women should be dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances."

He's already messed up on rule numero uno when it comes to discriminating slurs: Make 'em funny. If you can at least get the person you're making fun of to chuckle a bit because of your searing wit, you don't come across as a total tool. But if that fails (and it generally does), you can always pull out all the stops and turn your mildly misogynistic comment into something that will not only offend people of the opposite sex, but different religions and races as well:

The 74-year-old told Autosport racing magazine in Feb. 2000 that women would never excel in Forumla One. He added that if a woman did make it, "she would have to be a woman who was blowing away the boys. ... What I would really like to see happen is to find the right girl, perhaps a black girl with super looks, preferably Jewish or Muslim, who speaks Spanish."

Score one for Bernie. Making fun of women, Jews, Blacks, Muslims and Hispanics in one sentence is no easy task. Here's something to shoot for, dude: Handicapped midgets.

Posted 6/22/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

Great article about the neo-prohibition going on in Chicago. [via The Agitator.]

The city that once boasted as many 7,600 taverns in the early 1900s has just over 1,300 today. Now Mayor Richard Daley is pushing an ordinance that would make it easier to close taverns -- the latest volley in a battle against the kinds of liquor-selling establishments that some say are magnets for everything from prostitution to littering.

Add to that rapidly changing neighborhoods and a growing number of upscale residents who'd rather see a bistro than a bar on the corner, and it keeps getting tougher to find an honest-to-goodness bar to belly up to.

"The neighborhood bar used to be the country club of the community," said John Kelly, whose father opened Kelly's Pub the day after Prohibition ended and who started running it in 1957. "They've kind of gone by the wayside."

Imagine that. A city like Chicago without a neighborhood bar. Prohibition was still commonplace in the parched Bible-belt where I grew up, but to think about a huge city like Chicago, where you can't walk down the street and get a beer is just plain wrong.

Posted 6/22/2005 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe I'm a bit dense, or maybe I should just give up and take the "maybe" out of that sentence, but I have no idea what 12-letter word they're talking about here.

Gov. Rick Perry thought he was off-camera, but a Houston television station caught the governor using an abbreviated version of a 12-letter word best left in the locker room.

Perry called the reporter on Tuesday and apologized for the "inappropriate" word.

After the interview ended, Oberg told Perry, "Try as I may, governor, I guess I can't win this one."

About 20 seconds later, Perry repeated what he apparently thought Oberg had said, and then added his own touch.

"Try as I may, governor, I'm not going to wait that long. Adios," Perry said, adding an expression that's an abbreviation for a word — as Oberg said in his report — that "isn't something you want to say to your mother or use in good company."

I could probably figure it out, but I don't really feel like playing Wheel of Fortune right now. But more importantly, why is The Houston Chronicle treating me like a petulant third grader that's about to miss recess? Can I buy a vowel?

Posted 6/22/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Who doesn't love a Popsicle?

An attempt to erect the world’s largest popsicle in a city square ended with a scene straight out of a disaster film — but much stickier.

The 25-foot-tall, 17½-ton treat of frozen Snapple juice melted faster than expected Tuesday, flooding Union Square in downtown Manhattan with kiwi-strawberry-flavored fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground.

Firefighters closed off several streets and used hoses to wash away the sugary goo.

You know your popsicle stunt went awry if the fire department is called out. Not to mention the phrase, "sugary goo."

Posted 6/21/2005 10:47:00 PM by Douglas

Just how many of these "100 best of" lists is the AFI going to try before they realize how lame they are? I think the number one sums up my attitude towards the AFI, in general.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

And that's before they come out with the "AFI's 100 best uses of color as an allusion of emotion" list.

It's on its way, it's just a matter of time.

Posted 6/21/2005 05:59:00 PM by Douglas

Ok, Brian, maybe I was a bit harsh, but $3 for a cup of coffee? With the risk of sounding like a Luddite, shit, who am I kidding? Anyone that makes that statement already IS a Luddite.

My morning brew today? $1.73 at my local Diedrich. I think the coffee is excellent, my barista is a hottie, and their logo is 100% mermaid free.

Also, if I had any idea how to use this damn trackback feature, I would.

Posted 6/21/2005 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

I wonder if I could get sworn in in North Carolina on a stack of Juggs magazines, instead?

The state's judges will be asked this week to decide whether witnesses in North Carolina courtrooms can be sworn in on a Quran rather than a Bible.

The move comes after Guilford County judges rejected an offer last week by the Greensboro Islamic center to donate copies of the Quran, the Muslim holy book.

The Administrative Office of the Courts will ask the opinion of the state's judges when they meet this week at judicial conferences in Asheville and Wrightsville Beach, said Dick Ellis, a spokesman for the office. "An oath on the Quran is not a lawful oath under our law," W. Douglas Albright, Guilford's Senior Resident Superior Court judge, said earlier in the week.

Why? Isn't the book pretty much symbolic, or do they actually think that no one has ever lied under oath in North Carolina? I suppose it's possible, but not very likely.

Posted 6/21/2005 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

More fallout from Indy's (and Michelin's) botched Formula 1 race.

Given the combination of oval exit speed of the F1 cars and the subsequent down forces experienced by the tyres Michelin is not able to guarantee that such incidents would not reoccur during race conditions, and therefore Michelin is not able to guarantee the total safety of the drivers.

Exactly what you want to hear when you've got a rocket strapped to your ass, and your tires are the only thing controlling you.

As a result Michelin, in total agreement with our partner teams has asked the FIA that a chicane, allowing the reduction of car speed be installed at the entrance to the oval. In this condition the Indianapolis F1 GP would be able to take place with the tyres that we used during the qualification.

One of the big differences between F1 and the standard (boring) oval-track racing is the higher speeds on the ovals. Longer straight-a-ways and high, banked (left) turns give the opportunity to go much faster. So if it really is just the course that caused the malfunction with the tires, why the hell didn't the Bridgestone teams have the same problem?

Posted 6/21/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, the savior has come that's going to fix all of NASA's problems. More bureaucracy

NASA announced on Monday it has set up a new department focused on analysis of how existing space programs are going and how best to get Americans back to the Moon and eventually to Mars.

The U.S. space agency's Office of Program Analysis and Evaluation has no authority to hire, fire or pay, but it does have the ear of NASA Administrator Michael Griffin, a rocket scientist who has been candid about the need for change.

The office was set up on April 29, two weeks after Griffin was sworn in, but it was publicized on Monday with a telephone briefing with Scott Pace, its new chief.

Yeah, because that's exactly what NASA needs: More managers that don't do anything. For some reason, this kind of stuff always makes me think of this joke.

Posted 6/21/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

I know she had her head up her ass, but doesn't it kinda look like he's intentionally trying to just mow her down?

As always, kids, look both ways before entering the path of a track and field event when the runner has twice your body mass.

Posted 6/19/2005 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

Prison horse: It's what's for dinner.

Horse advocates are upset that the Texas Department of Criminal Justice has sold some of its horses to a plant that processes horse meat for sale.

Dallas Crown, the Kaufman processing plant, purchased 53 horses from the department between February 2003 and November 2004, according to Kaufman County records. The plant sells the meat in Europe and Japan.

The state's retired work horses should be euthanized instead of sold to such plants, said Julie Caramante of Pearland, a volunteer with Habitat for Horses, an equine rescue organization.

Should we kill these nags and throw them in a hole, or should we knock 'em on the head and sell them for steaks?

"Is it in the best interest of my state to (pay to) euthanize the horse, and then go out and bury the horse?" Tom Fordyce, a former director of agribusiness for the Department of Criminal Justice, asked in The Dallas Morning News. "Or could I try to salvage some money out of this horse to lower the cost of operating the agriculture program?"

Yeah, what he said. Horse, cow. . .what's the difference?

Posted 6/19/2005 03:48:00 PM by Douglas

Formula One at Indianapolis, ruined by Michelin.

The United States Grand Prix Formula One race at Indianapolis Motor Speedway started today with only six cars competing after 14 cars withdrew over a tire controversy.

Concerns over problems with Michelin tires on Friday, one of which involved a crash by Ralf Schmacher, led the teams to request they be allowed to use Bridgestone tires. The request was denied, so they pulled out of the race after warmups.

And I was so looking forward to a right turn.

Posted 6/19/2005 03:45:00 PM by Douglas

Anyone that's going to spend $3 for a cup of coffee on a daily basis isn't going to be swayed by the forces of logic. But just in case, check this out.

Posted 6/19/2005 03:43:00 PM by Douglas

This guys is pretty funny, in a smart-assed kind of way. I especially enjoyed this one for some strange reason.

Posted 6/18/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

This is the kind of person you want to help promote your nudist vacations, and not the typical person that would be attracted by the prospects of bein' nekkid.

It is called a vacation "au naturel," using a French expression as a fig leaf to cover up its more common name of naturism.

The United States is a deeply conservative country and some inhibitions take time to cast off, but Americans are starting to flock to beaches and country parks reserved for nudists, especially at the luxury end of the market.

"People are looking for a more relaxed way to spend their vacation," according to Carolyn Hawkins, public relations coordinator for the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR).

"They find visiting a nudist resort, they can travel more and pack less."

Pack a lot less. I guess it puts an end to the debate about what you're going to wear.

Posted 6/18/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

Master the possibilities of identity theft.

Credit card users, don't fret. Only a small fraction of the 13.9 million credit cards accounts at MasterCard exposed to possible fraud were considered at high risk, the company said Saturday.

MasterCard International Inc. spokeswoman Jessica Antle said only about 68,000 of its card holders are at "higher levels of risk." And while those 68,000 should closely examine their credit or debit card accounts, customers do not have to worry about identity theft, Antle said.

MasterCard announced the breach Friday and said it was traced to Atlanta-based CardSystems Solutions Inc., which processes credit card and other payments for banks and merchants. The incident appears to be the largest yet involving financial data in a series of security breaches affecting valuable consumer data at major financial institutions and data brokers.

Only about 13.9 million of the 40 million credit card accounts that may have been exposed to fraud were MasterCard accounts. It was not immediately clear how many of the other accounts were considered at high risk.

These fucking clowns take 3% of every transaction and this is the best they can do? Time to dig deep, suckers, and pay for your mistakes.

Posted 6/18/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

The Pickle is no.more

Retired U.S. Rep. Jake Pickle, who represented Central Texas in Washington for more than 30 years, died early today at his home. He was 91.

Supporters of Republican Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn who gathered at an afternoon rally in which she announced her plans to run for governor observed a moment of silence in honor of Pickle.

Let's all bow our heads for a Pickle moment of silence. . . .

And for those of you that currently work at the Pickle Research Campus, god bless you boys for figuring out a way to get them sliced and jarred lengthwise. You do good work.

Posted 6/17/2005 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

The tyranny of mustard ketchup.

An e-mail exchange between a law firm executive and a secretary over a ketchup stain has set London's legal world buzzing.

The details were forwarded across the city after Richard Phillips, a senior associate at Baker & McKenzie, sent a message to secretary Jenny Amner.

The exchange appears to refer to her spilling ketchup on Phillips' trousers and who should pay the cleaning bill, UK's Press Association reported.

The first e-mail, which Phillips sent on May 25, said: "Hi Jenny. I went to a dry cleaners at lunch and they said it would cost £4 to remove the ketchup stains. If you cd let me have the cash today, that wd be much appreciated."

On June 3, Amner replied: "With reference to the e-mail below, I must apologize for not getting back to you straight away but due to my mother's sudden illness, death and funeral I have had more pressing issues than your £4.

"I apologize again for accidentally getting a few splashes of ketchup on your trousers. Obviously your financial need as a senior associate is greater than mine as a mere secretary."

She wrote that she had told various partners, lawyers and trainees about his e-mail and they had offered to "do a collection" to raise the cash.

It's tragic when inter-office emails wind up on the internet. Even worse when they wind up on this piece of shit blog.

Posted 6/16/2005 05:44:00 PM by Douglas

Man, this pizza tastes like crap.

Four Keller High School cheerleaders were sent home early from camp after allegedly putting human feces on a pizza and trying to frame rival cheerleaders for the deed.

Cheerleaders from rival Fossil Ridge High School had sent the pizza to the Keller squad on the last night of a four-day camp at the University of Texas at Arlington. Less than an hour later, some Keller cheerleaders took the pizza to the Fossil Ridge sponsor, claiming that Fossil Ridge cheerleaders had doctored the pizza with feces.

I'd hate to rush to judgment on these girls. Maybe they just ordered it from Pizza Hut and it came like that. I think all they'd have to do it say they got it from feces pizza, and no one would know the difference.

Posted 6/16/2005 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Tired of your kitty going outside and bringing in semi-conscious rodents to dismember? Do what this guy did and hook up your cat door to an image recognition algorithm and plug it into your computer.

This is Flo. Her job is testing our image recognition algorithms, although she might not be aware of this. She goes in and out of the house through a cat door.

She also has a habit of catching various animals, dragging them inside through the cat door, and letting them loose so they can be chased for hours. Very cruel. To put an end to this we have built a computer-controlled device that visually determines if Flo is carrying anything in her mouth when she enters, and if she does, it simply does not let her in. Below you see how it looks from inside:

Pretty nifty. The cat owner in me says "wow, what a great idea." But the engineer in me says "Flo control? What a cool name!"

I'm such a dork, on both accounts.

Posted 6/16/2005 05:19:00 PM by Douglas

Wow, the House stood up, grabs its balls, and decided that the Fed doesn't need to know what books I check out from the library under the razor-thin guise of national security.

Advocates of rewriting the USA Patriot Act are claiming momentum after the House, despite a White House veto threat, voted to restrict investigators from using the anti-terrorism law to peek at library records and bookstore sales slips.

Wednesday's 238-187 vote came as lawmakers ramped up efforts to extend the Patriot Act, which was passed quickly in the emotional aftermath of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. When Congress passed the law, it included a sunset provision under which 15 of the its provisions are to expire at the end of this year.

Ok, maybe I'm celebrating prematurely, but someone's got to point out the lunacy of the PATRIOT ACT, and this is a good a start as any.

Posted 6/16/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

These stories about "my blog got me fired" are really starting to annoy me.

Like a growing number of employees, Peter Whitney decided to launch a blog on the Internet to chronicle his life, his friends and his job at a division of Wells Fargo.

Then he began taking jabs at a few people he worked with.

His blog did find an audience: his bosses. In August 2004, the 27-year-old was fired from his job handling mail and the front desk, he says, after managers learned of his Web log, or blog.

His story is more than a cautionary tale. Delta Air Lines, Google and other major companies are firing and disciplining employees for what they say about work on their blogs, which are personal sites that often contain a mix of frank commentary, freewheeling opinions and journaling.

What a dipshit. Anyone in the world can read your blog, so if you don't want your co-workers to see pictures of your cat or hear your rants about Wal-mart and the hydrogen powered car, better off just keeping them to yourself, chief.

"Right now, it's too gray. There needs to be clearer guidelines," says Whitney, who has found another job. "Some people go to a bar and complain about workers, I decided to do it online. Some people say I deserve what happened, but it was really harsh. It was unfair."

So he's not just stupid, but a whiner, too. Bitching about your boss to your coworker at happy hour over a few beers is as old as work itself. Writing it down is a monumental leap of stupidity, and putting it on the internet defies all reason. This mouth-breather ever heard of google?

Posted 6/16/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

There's a special place in hell for you, dude.

A North Texas grand jury has decided not to indict a man accused of dropping a box of four kittens into a creek, drowning them all.

His wife, Betty Rutledge, said her husband thought the kittens had been abandoned by their mother and were already dead.

It takes a really big man to kill a box full of kittens. You could have just left 'em by the road, jackass.

Posted 6/16/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

Further proof that the idiotic ban on cell phones on airplanes is perpetuated by the FCC, not the FAA.

Cingular Wireless wants to maintain a ban on cell phone calls aboard airplanes, according to a published report.

USA Today reports Thursday the company has taken that position in a letter to the Federal Aviation Administration. The FAA and the Federal Communications Commission are looking at lifting the ban on in-flight calls and then using new technology.

"We believe there is a time and a place for wireless phone conversations, and seldom does that include the confines of an airplane flight," Cingular said in its June 8 letter to the FAA, according to the paper.

That may be the funniest damn thing I've ever read. The motivation behind their logic is thinner than Courtney Love's blood after a four day coke binge. Cingular doesn't want you being annoyed by someone having an obnoxious cell-phone conversation (is there any other kind?) on an airplane? Give me a freakin' break. Gee, it wouldn't have anything to do with the airlines forcing you to use their onboard phones to make calls would it?

Posted 6/15/2005 05:43:00 PM by Douglas

I'll bet there was quite a commotion at The Pit Grill this morning.

A helicopter pilot was killed this morning when his chopper crashed in a highway median near the East Texas town of Rusk.

The crash happened 2 1/2 miles southeast of Rusk, about 40 miles south of Tyler. The helicopter was flying north along U.S. 69 when it apparently struck a power line and crashed in the median, said Cherokee County Sheriff James Campbell.

Alternate headline: Pilot 2.5 miles South of Pit Grill gets scattered, smothered and covered.

Posted 6/15/2005 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

Two years after the demise of the Concorde, France (and Japan) get the bright idea that a super-sonic airplane is a good idea. Do they not read their own newspapers?

Japan and France are jointly developing a new supersonic passenger plane to succeed the retired Concorde, but with up to three times as many seats and the potential to fly the Tokyo-to-New York route in six hours, officials and reports said Wednesday.

Defense contractors and engineering companies from the two countries are expected to split an annual investment of about 200 million yen ($1.84 million) for research over the next three years to build the faster-than-sound plane, Japan's Trade Ministry said in a statement. The agreement was signed at the Paris Air Show Tuesday.

Three times as many seats as the Concorde is going to not only pay its operating costs, but justify the R&D to get it in the air?

Lots of luck, guys, but oil closed at $56 a barrel today, and I don't think you can get to MACH 2 with your good intentions alone.

Posted 6/15/2005 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

For anyone that doesn't think that Wal-Mart is taking over the world, take a look at this monstrosity. In case you're wondering, 4 Million square feet is almost 100 acres, or about 1/3 of a mile square.

Wal-Mart Stores' massive distribution center near Baytown is almost finished. But the long-term impact of the 4-million-square-foot distribution center built by the world's biggest shipper is about more than just Wal-Mart, experts say.

The very presence of the center in west Chambers County is expected to act as a business magnet for the area, which is roughly half an hour from downtown Houston. Other companies are expressing interest in setting up shop there, public and private sector officials say.

"When a player of that much repute in the world chooses to locate a premier project as Wal-Mart did here, then that causes the whole area to draw the attention of similar businesses," said Mike Shields, executive director of the Baytown/West Chambers County Economic Development Foundation.

Yeah, just think of all those great, minimum wage jobs driving forklifts around loaded with cheap Chinese junk. Kind of ironic that Frontline repeated their Is Wal-Mart Good for America program last night (quick capsule synopsis: NO!).

"Where Wal-Mart goes, Target joins them, Lowe's joins them," Iupe said. "We are talking to all those companies. I am not saying they are coming, but we are now being contacted by them, and they are looking at the park."

Well that's just perfect, then. Maybe we can sit on the Fred Hartman Bridge and sit and watch the entire infrastructure of our once industrialized nation as it ships out for China.

Posted 6/14/2005 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

What a worthless sack of crap posing as an excuse for a mother.

The mother of a 12-year-old boy killed in his own home by one of the family's two pit bulls says she had been so concerned about one of the dogs that she shut her son in the basement to protect him.

Maureen Faibish said she ordered Nicholas to stay in the basement while she did errands on June 3, the day he was attacked by one or both of the dogs.

She said she was worried about the male dog, Rex, who was acting possessive because the female, Ella, was in heat.

"I put him down there, with a shovel on the door," Faibish said in an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle. "And I told him: 'Stay down there until I come back.' Typical Nicky, he wouldn't listen to me."

So, she left her son alone with two murderous curs, and because the kid escaped from the basement she locked him in, his stubbornness is what killed him? What a freakin' idiot. But I'm afraid it gets better.

"It's Nicky's time to go," she said in the interview. "When you're born you're destined to go and this was his time."

Was it also his time to get locked in the basement, you stupid cow?

Labels: pit bull attacks

Posted 6/14/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

Pretty cool optical illusion.

Posted 6/14/2005 05:05:00 PM by Douglas

You know you're receiving the dignity and respect from your religion when they abandon 13 year old boys to cut stifle the competition of 13 year old girls and the older men of the compound.

Up to 1,000 teenage boys have been separated from their parents and thrown out of their communities by a polygamous sect to make more young women available for older men, Utah officials claim.

Many of these "Lost Boys", some as young as 13, have simply been dumped on the side of the road in Arizona and Utah, by the leaders of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS), and told they will never see their families again or go to heaven.

Warren Jeffs' whereabouts yesterday were uncertain, but Utah officials said they believed he may be hiding in an FLDS compound near Eldorado, Texas, and they have contacted the Texan authorities.

Here we go again with religious cults and their compounds being seized in Texas. Would someone send this dude a Newsweek from March, 1993?

But it doesn't look like the sheriff in El Dorado wants that mess on his hands, either

A West Texas sheriff says he doesn't intend to raid the Eldorado compound of a polygamist sect to arrest the group's leader, who has been indicted on sex-crime charges in Arizona.

Schleicher County Sheriff David Doran said he will arrest Warren Jeffs on an Arizona warrant if he's pulled over for a traffic violation.

"We're not going to take any drastic measures," said Doran, adding that he's not even certain Jeffs is on the sect's property.

"We have a lot of out-of-state warrants issued. We're not going to treat this one any different."

Lucky for him the Attorney General isn't as crazy as Janet Reno. Oh wait, what the hell am I saying? Of course he is.

Posted 6/12/2005 04:16:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting biological approach about the ever elusive, female orgasm.

Women who fail to orgasm during sex may be genetically programmed to weed out unreliable men who are a flop between the sheets, according to new research.

The findings suggest the failure of some women to orgasm regularly is not a dysfunction, but a sophisticated mate-selection strategy that evolved during prehistoric times.

Women who orgasm very easily may be more likely to be satisfied with poor quality men.

These types of studies tend to reveal more about those doing the research than the topic being researched, but that last statement seems kinda contradictory to something I thought was universally true: Slutty chicks make the world go 'round.

Posted 6/12/2005 03:47:00 PM by Douglas

Submitted for your approval, the ravages of illicit drugs on your body. I give you meth mouth.

The drug itself, a synthetic stimulant that can be manufactured just about anywhere, causes dry mouth, Dr. Shaner said, and that in turn allows decay to start, since saliva is unavailable to help control bacteria in the mouth. The drug also tends to leave users thirsty and craving a constant supply of soda pop and other sugary drinks, which spur the decay; Mountain Dew, he said, has become the preferred drink of methamphetamine users. At the same time, the drug's highly addictive nature causes many users simply to stop doing what is needed to take care of themselves, including the brushing of teeth.

Sad, really, that this isn't the worst aspects of being a crank head.

Thankfully, drinking and smoking don't have any negative side effects.

Posted 6/12/2005 03:20:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting, if not Herculean task of illustrating the entire Bible. There are some really interesting parts, obviously, but you know they're going to have some interesting drawings in Leviticus. Some examples:

• The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.
• Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.
• And of course, who wouldn't love the "begat" chapter of Matthew.
• Jesus wept.

With 33,488 verses remaining to be illustrated, it's bound to turn into a Fark photoshop contest eventually.

Posted 6/11/2005 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

A lovely quote for Saturday night:

. . . for anyone born with the disposition, the first drink will open him up like a flower, physically and emotionally, and he'll keep coming back for more. The fact is alcohol is a chemical and its effects are cold, mechanical, and predictable. When you begin drinking alcoholically, you get on a train. You neither grow nor learn emotionally, you just ride. The last station is hell. And when you get there, you remember you left behind tickets for your children.

Have fun, kids.

Posted 6/11/2005 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Just when I think the internet has shown that there's no niche market too small, I find this site. It's got to be a joke, and not a particularly funny one, but damn.

Why Girls and Corpses, you ask?

Well, if you're like me, you like two things, beautiful girls and rotting corpses. So, I thought, why not bring them together in one magazine?

Girls & Corpses is sort of like Maxim Magazine meets Dawn Of The Dead. There will be pictures each month of beautiful scantily clad young beauties posing with hideous, decaying, festering corpses. Also, we'll have interviews, comic book art, music and movie reviews and other mayhem.

That's just kooky. Don't miss out on these great pictures.

Posted 6/10/2005 05:43:00 PM by Douglas

Is this funny because:

1. Anyone would wear this shirt?
2. Because anyone would wear this shirt in front of President Clinton?
3. Because anyone from Ball State University would wear this shirt in front of President Clinton?

I just can't decide.

"Former President Bill Clinton, left, talks with Ball St. student Erin Graham of Muncie, Ind., as he signs her copy of his autobiography, 'My Life Bill Clinton' in Indianapolis, Wednesday, June 8, 2005. Clinton will also give a speech in Indianapolis tonight. (AP Photo/Michael Conroy)"

Posted 6/10/2005 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

Wondering why you're getting more aggressive and your wife is getting more promiscuous and less trustworthy? Blame the cat.

The startling figures emerge from studies into toxoplasma gondii, a parasite carried by almost all the country’s feline population. They show that half of Britain’s human population carry the parasite in their brains, and that infected people may undergo slow but crucial changes in their behaviour.

Infected men, suggests one new study, tend to become more aggressive, scruffy, antisocial and are less attractive. Women, on the other hand, appear to exhibit the “sex kitten” effect, becoming less trustworthy, more desirable, fun- loving and possibly more promiscuous.

And all this time, I just thought cat poo caused schizophrenia

Posted 6/09/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Double dose of Lileks today, just because I feel like it. This one from yesterday when he's describing guys with college degrees and guys without:

The mobsters and grifters and roués of the demimonde didn’t have a college degree; they had money and juice. But both came up against the college boys – the government men, the tax lawyers, the accountants. The best stories always end in jail and shuttered doors, and the men who turn the keys always die in bed. And their obituaries describe their degrees.

Stay in school, kids!

And then you've got this jewel from today about the new George Lucas Ego Stroke (also known as Episode III):

You would not want to fight an army of a pissed off Wookies with shotguns. I bet they drink, too. They’re probably always drunk all the time, which is why their language seems so incoherent; for all we know they’re not saying anything at all, just yelling. Because they’re all hammered.

I just thought they had some poop in their butt-fur and couldn't find a rug to scoot on.

Posted 6/09/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a shocker: People love their cell phones.

Sergio Chaparro's information-technology students had more than just a healthy attachment to their cell phones.

When he asked them to shut them off for three days, they panicked.

"They were afraid. They were truly afraid," Chaparro, then an instructor at Rutgers University in New Jersey, recalled of the assignment last year. "They thought it was going to be a painful experience, and they were right."

Only three of about 220 students managed to complete the assignment.

No other technology has become so widely available in such a short period of time, and they're damn awfully useful, so it's not much of a surprise. But addiction? That may be a stretch.

"If you try to exert control over your use of the phone and you can't do it, that's dependence. That's addiction," said Tecce, who studies "psychobiological behavior" including addictions and phobias.

I don't think so. Heroin is a dependency, a cell phone convenient.

Posted 6/08/2005 05:44:00 PM by Douglas

Since this whole "Deep throat" thing has hit the press, there's been a lot of conversation about how much authority a journalists should have to protect their sources. Not it looks as thought Texas has become the 33rd state to institute some protection for journalist to keep their sources confidential.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has joined officials in 33 other states in urging the U.S. Supreme Court to support the right of reporters to protect the identities of their sources.

Abbott co-authored a friend-of-the-court brief supporting the concept of reporter's privilege, which protects journalists from being forced to disclose information gathered from confidential sources.

"A free and open democracy requires a free and open press," Abbott said Tuesday.

That's absolutely true, and I don't think there's a Democrat or Republican can disagree with that. But what gets sticky is where the journalists themselves draw the line, not is what they can report, but what they should report. Not to mention the complications of what, legally, constitutes a journalist. Case in point, Vanessa Leggett. She did 18 months for not revealing her sources (although this case is very suspicious, in that the FBI offered to hire her as informant, and only went after her sources after she turned down their job.)

So why do 33 states now protect the right to keep sources anonymous if the Federal courts don't? Either they have the right to report their findings without risk of prosecution, or they don't. It doesn't matter if Court A gives them that right if Court B doesn't. It's pretty much all or nothing.

But apparently those statues in 33 states are contradictory to the Supreme Court ruling, Branzburg v. Hayes, which settled this question of privileged confidentiality among journalists once and for all. They don't have it, which would lead me to conclude that all 33 of those state laws would be overturned if ever challenged Constitutionally.

So why am I wound up at this, or why do I even care? It's not for Deep Throat, Nixon, or Judith Miller. It's because I had to sit and listen to someone drone on about how "some people have too much freedom in this country," referring to journalists and their withholding their sources.

Sure, anyone can go too far, and Judith Miller and Jayson Blaire weren't the first (or last) reporters to make shit up. But the First Amendment is first for a reason, and the Founders didn't put freedom of the press in there with speech and religion by accident. The press is either censored by the government, or it isn't. There's no middle ground in a free society, and if they aren't free to report unpopular events without fear of prosecutorial retaliation, then the First Amendment doesn't really mean much. After all, popular speech doesn't need to be protected.

Posted 6/08/2005 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Good work if you can get it. And just think of all the reruns I've watched for free. This guy's going to make $100,000.

Country Music Television has selected its first "vice president" for the Dukes of Hazzard Institute. The first task for the New York-based executive: Upgrade the Institute's new facilities.

In other words, get cable and a new TV set for his apartment.

Yes, Christopher Nelson's new job, which comes with a $100,000 salary and a one-year contract, will be to watch reruns of "The Dukes of Hazzard" weeknights on the Country Music Television cable channel and write blog postings for the network's Web site.

"For $100,000 he'd better watch that show every night," said James Hitchcock, CMT's vice president for marketing.

My only wish is that the producers of The Simpson's are reading this blog, because I'd do the same for considerably less than $100K. Family Guy too!

Posted 6/08/2005 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

Not every plane crash is the plane's fault, as this jury just decided.

Learjet should not be held responsible for the 1999 plane accident that killed golfer Payne Stewart, jurors said Wednesday.

His widow, Tracey, and their two children sued Learjet, claiming a cracked adapter caused an outflow valve to pull away from the plane's frame, resulting in a decompression and the escape of cabin air as the plane climbed to its flight altitude after leaving Orlando on Oct. 25, 1999. All communication with the plane was lost soon afterward and it flew on for hours, all aboard presumably unconscious, until it crashed in South Dakota.

The lawsuit had asked for $200 million.

In a just world, the widow would be forced to pay for Learjet's legal fees.

Posted 6/07/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

We're way beyond the "red ink might damage the fragile ego of public school kids" with this one. The cult-like worship of self esteem is getting way out of hand.

The Girl Scouts of America recently launched a major campaign "to address the problem of low self-esteem among 8- to 14-year-old girls." (Never mind that there is no good evidence these girls suffer a self-esteem deficit.) With the help of a $2.65 million grant from Unilever (a major corporation that owns products such as Lipton and Slim Fast), its new program, "Uniquely ME!," asks girls to contemplate their own "amazing" specialness. Girls are invited to make collages celebrating themselves. They can play a getting-to-know-me game called a "Me-O-Meter."

In the real world, sometime these kids are going to find out they're not as fabulous as they've been told, and it ain't gonna be good.

Posted 6/07/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting article on the end of mechanical engineering. It's obvious to anyone that's not living in a cave that electronics are the way of the future, but there are still a lot of gear driven heat engines, not to mention a steam fired power plant that's generating all that densely packed electricity.

This will set the stage for the last big step-the one already taken in monster trucks: Silicon and electric power will knock out the entire gearbox, driveshaft, differential, and related hardware; electric drives power the motors that turn the wheels. Power chips now make it possible to build high-power motors the size of a coffee can, and prices are dropping fast. When such motors finally begin driving the wheels, the entire output of the engine will have to be converted immediately into electricity before it is distributed, used, or stored throughout the car. It will take heavy-duty wiring and substantial silicon drives and electric motors to propel a hybrid-electric sport utility vehicle down a highway at 70 mph-but they'll be far smaller than the steel structures in today's powertrain. Cars will shed many hundreds of pounds, and every key aspect of performance will improve considerably.

For those of you out there are bit skeptical about "brake-by-wire" on your 18-wheeler, how 'bout "drive-by-wire" on all wheels? The prospect of an electronically actuated solenoid opening and closing the valves in an internal combustion engine sounds like a huge recipe for disaster, but apparently, it's not that far away.

I guess the most alarming aspect of this shift is the 42 volt car system. That's going to cause some huge sparks when you try to jump start your buddy's '87 Sentra.

This sentence really sums up the whole article:

In this scenario, mechanical engineering ultimately surrenders its last major under-the-hood citadel to chemical engineers.

Well, we had a good run. . .

Posted 6/07/2005 05:01:00 PM by Douglas

Justice, other than being just (obviously) should be proportional. Let's say you assist your girlfriend in killing her twin fetuses. More specifically, you assist your 17 year old girlfriend kill her twin fetuses and you're not a doctor at an abortion clinic. Now suppose that you get convicted for capital murder and sentenced to life in prison, while she gets a walk. That's exactly what happened in Lufkin:

Basoria told authorities that, after about four months of pregnancy, she regretted not getting an abortion and started jogging, skipping prenatal vitamins and hitting her own belly to induce a miscarriage. When her efforts failed, she said she asked her boyfriend to help.

Gerardo Flores, 19, who was prosecuted under the state's new fetal protection law, received an automatic life sentence.

Erica Basoria acknowledged asking Flores to help end her pregnancy, but the 17-year-old can't be prosecuted because of her legal right to abortion.

The defense contended that Basoria punched herself while Flores was stepping on her, making it impossible to tell who killed the twins.

There's absolutely no part of this story that's not tragically hideous, but how could anyone above an 8th grade education find any logic in convicting a man for punching a pregnant woman's belly, while at the same time preserving the right of the woman to terminate the pregnancy? I know the "fetus protection" law was intended to convict assailants in the event of a violent attack, and this is a bit more complicated since she asked him to walk on her stomach, but still. Proportionality, people.

Posted 6/07/2005 06:22:00 AM by Douglas

Happy Birthday, Dave.

Posted 6/05/2005 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, the city of Houston is cracking down on the ruthless criminals that have made it a wild-west frontier town of lawlessness and debauchery. Of course, I'm referring to Jay-walkers.

After laboring for years to pump new life into downtown Houston, city officials are launching an effort to control a byproduct of their success: burgeoning traffic that poses a growing danger.

The combination of congested streets and bad habits is making downtown more perilous, authorities said Friday, and Houstonians can police themselves or face the consequences.

The Police Department has begun the first phase of the Downtown Mobility Initiative, designed to educate drivers and walkers about the traffic ordinances — and then respond sternly with those who don't get the message.

"Our goal is to start with information and education," Capt. Mary Lentschke said as she announced the program. "We plan only to use citations when our education efforts seem to fail."

Gee, this isn't just another way the city is trying to get revenue from writing tickets, is it? At least I know I'm not the only smart-ass in Harris County, and I'm not even a judge.

The plan drew its share of wisecracks from jaywalkers Friday, including a jurist.

"It does my heart good to know that the Police Department is focusing so much attention on serious criminals," said Harris County Court at Law Judge Gary Michael Block as he returned from lunch. "Judges now feel safe."

Sleep tight, Houstonians.

Posted 6/05/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

If only there was some way to get every Aggie to follow her lead.

A Texas A&M University student who had been feared murdered after disappearing nearly seven years ago has been found alive and working in Kentucky, according to authorities.

Brandi Stahr went missing in October 1998, and police spent hours searching for her body in wooded areas. They questioned a serial rapist and murderer about her just hours before he was executed last year.

But a telephone tip led investigators to Florence, Ky., where Stahr has been working for the last five years at a Sam's Club, said Texas Ranger Frank Malinak.

Stahr, 27, hid from her family after she and her mother, Ann Dickenson, got into an argument over bad grades she received during her sophomore year and her family stopped paying for school.

Now that's commitment.

Dickenson and Stahr haven't reunited yet, but have talked on the phone. Stahr told her sister the family should not bother visiting, but her mother said nothing will stop her.

"We're going. I'm going. Even if I have to sit out in a (Sam's Club) parking lot to see her," Dickenson said.

Hey mom, learn to take a hint. It's fairly obvious to the most casual observer that she doesn't want to see you, and I doubt you're going to changer her mind now.

Although Stahr committed no crime in her disappearance, investigators spent a lot of money and time looking for her, Malinak said.

"The responsible thing to do would have been to let someone know you're OK," Malinak said. "There are going to be people expending man-hours and effort, trying to find a missing person."

It probably cost more money looking for her than her tuition.

Posted 6/05/2005 04:45:00 PM by Douglas

I wonder if this guy has ever kissed a girl.

My case mod is a scale model of a Star Wars TIE Fighter, with a computer built right into the cockpit. And, it's also a desk! The whole case is built from scratch. As a die-hard Star Wars fan, I knew my first mod would have to incorporate something from Star Wars, and I could think of nothing cooler than a TIE Fighter. I got the blueprints online and got to work.

The entire project cost me about 300 dollars to complete (sans computer components), and I spent four months working on it.

Just think how much time this guy wasted when he could have been doing something more constructive. Like smoking crack.

Posted 6/05/2005 04:43:00 PM by Douglas

How do you train seeing eye dogs to ignore cats? You employ the services of a brave soldier like Gidget

LIVING in an area populated by dogs is probably a nightmare for most cats, but Gidget loves every minute of it.

The domestic short-haired cat is kitty-in-residence at Guide Dogs Victoria.

Gidget was adopted from the RSPCA two months ago, chosen for her bold and outgoing personality.

She's not there only for her good looks. She plays an important role teaching potential guide dogs how to ignore chasable critters.

Staff are always on hand to supervise when she meets the dogs, and because she is so calm around them, the dogs soon lose interest.

The pooches are eventually taught to ignore cats altogether, a necessary attribute if they are to be successful guide dogs.

That's all well and good, but I don't think Gidget knows she's being used to desensitize dogs. I'll bet she doesn't want to go to work most days.

The one in the middle looks pretty desensitized, but the other two look like they're about to give Gidget a run for her money.

Posted 6/03/2005 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Why consult a botanist with such a question when the United States Supreme Court is so much better suited for answering such a thing. Luckily, this was settled in 1893 in Nix v. Hedden over what? You guessed it. Taxes, what else.

Posted 6/02/2005 05:52:00 PM by Douglas

Canada's worst sex-offending murderer [she's female] is about to go free on probation. So sleep tight, Canadians.

Notorious child killer Karla Homolka covered her face and appeared to be crying when her crimes were reviewed Thursday by authorities hoping to restrict her movement after her impending release from prison.

It was her first public appearance since her sentencing in 1993 after she pleaded guilty in the sex slayings of two southern Ontario teenagers Leslie Mahaffy and Kristen French.

Homolka, 35, has served her 12-year manslaughter sentence and is set for release from a Quebec prison July 5, though federal guidelines may allow her release as early as June 23.

Wearing a salmon-colored suit, Homolka was escorted in handcuffs into the courtroom at Quebec Superior Court in Joliette, about 50 miles north of Montreal.

She became a symbol of evil to many Canadians when the horrific crimes she perpetrated with her ex-husband Paul Bernardo were revealed at his first-degree murder trial.

In what has been dubbed a "deal with the devil," Homolka got a reduced sentence by testifying against Bernardo. As part of the plea agreement, she was not charged in the death of her younger sister, 15-year-old Tammy Homolka, who died on Christmas Eve 1990 from choking on her own vomit after she was drugged and raped by the couple.

I don't recall how I first heard of this story, but when I read the full account of what she and her husband actually did, which included their murder of her sister, it was pretty obvious. Now to think that she's going to be out, after only 12 years? That's just sick.

In a polite society, we construct prisons for monsters like this.

Posted 6/02/2005 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

Saudi Arabia just might be the most progressive country in the Arab world. I mean, look what happens when someone even suggests that women be allowed to drive:

Conservatives, who believe women should be shielded from strange men, say driving will allow a woman to leave home whenever she pleases and go wherever she wishes. Some say it will present her with opportunities to violate Islamic law, such as exposing her eyes while driving or interacting with strange men, like police officers or mechanics.

"Driving by women leads to evil," Munir al-Shahrani wrote in a letter to the editor of the Al-Watan daily. "Can you imagine what it will be like if her car broke down? She would have to seek help from men."

It's good thing that they're not a backwards, Islamic monarchy. We might have to liberate them.

This guy was on The Daily Show this week pushing his new book, and it sounded quite interesting.

Posted 6/02/2005 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Chevrolet isn't making it any easier for me to talk my self out of buying a new pickup, are they?

In an attempt to boost sluggish sales, General Motors Corp. said Wednesday it will offer the same discount it gives to its employees to anyone who buys a new GM car or truck in the next month.

"We want to bring the focus back to what drives our business: great cars and trucks," said Brent Dewar, GM North America's vice president of marketing and advertising. "This program gives everybody a chance to drive the vehicles we drive and pay the price we pay."

GM employee discount, and I didn't even have to join a Socalist labor union. It's a win-win!

Posted 6/02/2005 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

What a stunning article about the enduring elegance of a white suit. Hey, if it can make Puff Daddy look classy, just think what it could do for you?

A man in white is never innocent; no woman in white is necessarily innocent either, though the conventional idea is that she may be. A man in white is often searching for something: dirt, or life, or love, money or blood, fame or notoriety. A white suit attracts what you don't have or what you want more of. At least that's the idea, though the experience of wearing a white suit doesn't always follow the script.

Of course it's how a white suit becomes dirty that is interesting. My own white suit is now filthy: I sat on a blackened fire escape one warm Sunday morning. Among all else, a white suit is folly, though I've always preferred people who expose some of their follies to those who hide them. My suit will soon go to the cleaners for a few days.

Something about a white suit, a straw hat, and half-pint of Bourbon that just screams "here's a man with a story to tell."

Posted 6/02/2005 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe not WMD, but definitely a dirty bomb.

Roadside litter comes in all shapes and sizes — from dirty diapers to syringes — but there's one category that out-grosses the rest: trucker bombs.

They are trucker bombs, plastic jugs full of urine tossed by truckers, and even non-truckers, who refuse to make a proper potty stop to relieve themselves.

The state hasn't counted how many such jugs are found each year, but a single, small county decided to do its own tally. "In one year," Warfield says, "one crew found 2,666 bottles of urine, 67 feces covered items, not including diapers, and 18 syringes."

That's a lot of dung! Not that I know anyone that would ever take a leak in a jug, but jeez. Imagine being next to the mowing crew when they hit 8 pounds of tinkle.

And what a lovely picture, too:

Gotta love this picture, too: