Posted 5/28/2008 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Somthing cool happens in the bandhall in Clute, Texas, finally!

A custodian at Brazoswood High School in Clute has been charged with the sexual assault of a 14-year-old girl.

Police Lt. Diane Turner said in an affidavit that the girl told investigators that she and Tobar began kissing and touching in the Brazoswood band hall last week.

Tobar said he touched the girl's private parts in a girls locker room, the affidavit said.

He also said the girl came to his home on Saturday and the two had sex.

Honestly, how did he not know that a band geek wouldn't be cool with this?

Posted 5/26/2008 02:27:00 PM by Douglas

Nothing brightens my heart more than self-important bourgeois lefties that think the finite resources of the world should be distributed according to their great plan to place value of one creature's life above that of another.

Case in point, I should have been "dead" before I turned three. Why? So someone else, or possibly 1,000 someone elses could metabolize that oxygen into carbon dioxide. Maybe I'm not making the most of my oxidizing lifestyle, but am I the only one that finds this a bit presumptuous?

Conserving is one thing, but telling kids when they should die so some cow can continue to fart in Bangladesh without causing a net increase in CO₂ in the atmosphere? That seems a bit harsh to me.

Posted 5/26/2008 01:51:00 PM by Douglas

"We designed it so that we are two relatively normal guys wandering through a sea of madness." Dick Martin, is no longer with us.

After Martin had rejoined Rowan on the nightclub circuit, in late 1967 NBC cautiously allowed the pair to film a "total comedy" pilot for Laugh-In, contracting them for a weekly series the following January. By the eighth show it was top of the ratings.

At the height of his fame Martin (who was by then divorced from his first wife, Peggy Connelly) pursued a sybaritic lifestyle, throwing wild parties at his apartment in the hills above Sunset Strip. This existence was quite unlike that of Rowan, a quiet family man who died in 1987.

After his failed first marriage, Dick Martin married, in 1971, Dolly Read, a former bunny girl at the Playboy Club in London.

Funny, well-liked party animal that married a Playmate and lived to be 86. Dare I say he lived the American dream?

Posted 5/24/2008 02:41:00 PM by Douglas

Yeah, it's a bullshit study, but I like it.

While the results at first seemed surprising to Adams, a UWM assistant professor of economics, and Cotti, now at the University of South Carolina, literature on consumer behavior suggests an explanation: Smokers are willing to drive longer distances to an establishment that allows smoking.

Of course, the solution to this isn't to limit people driving to bars to smoke, but to ban smoking everywhere. And also, drinking.

Posted 5/22/2008 05:48:00 PM by Douglas

I love it when life imitates The Simpson's.

Launching lightning raids under cover of darkness, slippery siphon-and-run grease pirates are taking the sizzle out of Houston's lucrative used cooking oil business — a once ho-hum trade that gained cachet as the restaurant waste became a prime ingredient in environmentally friendly biodiesel.

Richard McClere, owner of a small independent Houston grease-collecting business, estimated up to a third of the used oil he buys from restaurants is stolen before he can pick it up.

Shawn Griffin, Texas manager for the national Griffin Industries waste removal company, said record prices for grease have fueled record thefts — especially in Houston, the most grease pirate-plagued city in the state: "It's a huge problem, the worst I've ever seen."

Oh no! My retirement grease!

Posted 5/21/2008 06:34:00 PM by Douglas

The evolution of honor.

The problem is that even if people "well endowed" with morality provide their "tribe" with an "immense advantage," those same people run the risk of being immensely disadvantaged within their group if such endowment equates to spending time, energy, or money on behalf of others, or running risks that help the larger social unit while hurting the altruist. As a result, although group selection — along with its companion concept, "the good of the species" — was uncritically accepted for about a century, it has been deservedly out of favor for several decades, displaced by the understanding that selection operates most effectively at the lowest possible level: individuals or, better yet, genes.

This might be more interesting than I find it right now. I'm kinda tired right now from overcoming the shortcomings of others.

Posted 5/21/2008 06:31:00 PM by Douglas

I hate these stories. Science and Engineering jobs and schools aren't filled with 50% women. Big deal, but this study really goes out on a limb:

Now two new studies by economists and social scientists have reached a perhaps startling conclusion: An important part of the explanation for the gender gap, they are finding, are the preferences of women themselves. When it comes to certain math- and science-related jobs, substantial numbers of women - highly qualified for the work - stay out of those careers because they would simply rather do something else.

Groundbreaking. I wonder if that's why 95% of everyone else that chose NOT to go into engineering do so. Because they want to do something else.

Engineers are in high demand everywhere now, so this crap is going to resurface more and more as it gets worse. But before you raise the "sexist society" flag, sit through 20 credits of Calculus and Thermodynamics.

Posted 5/17/2008 12:21:00 PM by Douglas

Looks like some people don't want T. Boone pickin' over their land.

It was an unhappy group of about 120 people who met Friday to tell legislators they want something done.

"You know how we feel - act on that," said Liz Shipp, a resident of the southeast Panhandle where T. Boone Pickens' Mesa Power and a water district want to get a right of way to send water and wind energy to larger cities in the state.

But Mesa representatives asked for patience.

"Give our land contract staff ... a chance before you draw a line in the sand," said Ron Harris, a Mesa consultant. "Mesa is not here to steal your land."

I'll admit I'm a bit cynical, but isn't that what people say right before they steal your land? Here's some more on the water side of this land-grab. thanks, long-time reader! Water is going to be a huge commodity in the coming years, and D/FW is going to have to get it somewhere if it's going to continue to grow. But it doesn't make sense to export it from one of the driest areas of the country.

Posted 5/17/2008 12:08:00 PM by Douglas

This might sound like a good idea, to give birth control to feral hogs, but honestly, don't you think that giving them the pill will only encourage sexual activity?

But the answer may be coming from a lab at Texas A&M University, where a team of researchers is testing an oral contraceptive for the hogs and other pests. It may even become applicable for pets like cats and dogs.

Duane Kraemer, a professor of veterinary physiology and pharmacology who heads the team at Texas A&M, said ranchers and farmers who hear about his research want to know more, "but development of an oral contraceptive for an animal that people eat and is to be released into the environment is a complex issue, no question about it."

The contraceptive, called a phosphodiesterase 3 inhibitor and in development for about a year and a half, is now in a capsule form and has been fed to captive pigs at the university's research facility.

Why they're at it, can't they just give it to all incoming freshman at A&M, too? Sounds like that would solve a few problems, too.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

NASA is at a crossroads. Do they fly the old shuttle, or do they focus on developing the new ship? Hey, I know! How 'bout neither?!?

NASA is expecting delays for the first tests of the rocket that will replace its aging space shuttles after they retire in 2010, agency officials said Thursday.

Anticipated delays for NASA's fall shuttle mission to the Hubble Space Telescope may push back the first test of the agency's new Ares I rocket next year by up to a month since both flights use the same launch pad and other material, said Jeff Hanley, the agency's Constellation program manager.

NASA initially planned to launch a test version of its two-stage Ares I rocket around April 15, 2009, but the vital flight may now slip to late May of that year in a ripple of delays related to the Hubble servicing mission.

Time to shit or get off the pot.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

For the rest of America's homosexual population that isn't already there, I guess it's time to move to California:

California's Supreme Court declared gay couples in the nation's biggest state can marry — a monumental but perhaps short-lived victory for the gay rights movement Thursday that was greeted with tears, hugs, kisses and at least one instant proposal of matrimony.

Short-lived because soon gay people, too, will realize how much it sucks to lose half their shit when it doesn't work out.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

T. Boone Pickens, in his never ending quest to die with more money than he can spend, is looking at buying even more resource diverting wind turbines to pollute the landscape of West Texas.

T. Boone Pickens' Mesa Power LLP placed a $2 billion order for 667 wind turbines with General Electric to build the world's largest wind farm in the Texas Panhandle, the Dallas Morning News reported Thursday.

That's just great. I'm sure he needs some kind of write-off when he's sucked the land of all its water.

The wind farm would produce 1,000 megawatts of electricity, enough to power about 300,000 homes.

By 2014, Pickens has said he wants to have 4,000 MW of wind power.

Well that's just super. How many gas/coal fired plants will be able to be taken off the grid with wind power? Zero. I hope the counties that are falling for this ponzi scheme enjoy Pickens' tax break.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

To assist in your never ending quest to find just the right pussy, some shelters have begun personality screening for cats.

"People come in and say, I had a black and white tuxedo cat before, so that's what I want," says Jim Monsma of the Washington Animal Rescue League in Washington, D.C. "But cats are not all the same. They have widely divergent personalities."

That's why the shelter is now using the Feline-ality program, developed by behaviorist Dr. Emily Weiss of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Part of the ASPCA's Meet Your Match program, which also includes Canine-ality for dogs, the program assesses a variety of behaviors in individual cats. It rates the animals on confidence and sociability, which Weiss' research has shown are independent of each other.

That's all well and good, but it does nothing to help those cats that are total douchebags. Such as the two that I currently endure.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Although I'm sure they hate it, it's still illegal for roughing up someone for taking pictures of the police.

A Galveston County Daily News photographer has been acquitted of interfering with police after a jury heard testimony that police deleted photos from his confiscated camera, an attorney said today.

A six-member jury on Wednesday acquitted photographer Nick Adams on charges he interfered with police while photographing an arrest during Mardi Gras on Feb. 10 last year, said Anthony Griffin, hired by the Daily News to represent Adams.

Adams was hurled to the ground and both of his $4,000 cameras were damaged.

"It's a victory for the First Amendment," Daily News Editor Heber Taylor said. "We just cannot understand why the photographs that were taken that would have shown Nick's relationship to that police line ... disappeared and why those were the only images that disappeared."

Without knowing the particulars of this situation, I have no idea if he "interfered" or not. I just know this act is becoming all too common.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your damn seat belt!

Five passengers on an ExpressJet flight from Houston's Bush Intercontinental Airport to Tulsa, Okla., were injured when the plane ran into unexpected turbulence shortly before landing Wednesday afternoon.

Five women suffered minor injuries, including cuts and bruises, and were taken to a hospital, said Emergency Management Services Authority spokeswoman Tina Wells. The women ranged in age from 25 to 77, Wells said.

The women were injured when the plane hit severe "clear air turbulence," said ExpressJet spokeswoman Kristy Nicholas. The plane was above the clouds when a change in air pressure rocked the cabin.

Why you'd be sitting in an airplane without that damn belt holding your ass to the seat is beyond me.

Posted 5/15/2008 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Things men would rather do than have to go see this horrible, horrible movie.

He's not alone. Millions of men are sick about this movie based on a TV show about four terrifying, rich, aging, elitist women who whine about sex and men and purchase $700 pairs of shoes to feel better about themselves. What guy wouldn't love such a movie?

Naturally, millions of men are ready to poke their eyes out with red-hot pokers, peel their skin off and roll around in salt—and if not salt, then we'll soak in a bathtub of lemon juice and slit our wrists with Manolo Blahnik credit card receipts—if our wives or girlfriends demand we accompany them to "Sex and the City."

I would rather masturbate with cheese grater made of lampreys.

Posted 5/13/2008 08:54:00 AM by Douglas

Things not to do in an interview. My favourite:

When the applicant was offered food before the interview, he declined saying he didn't want to line his stomach with grease before going out drinking.

At least he's honest. Honestly unemployable.

While interviewing a college graduate for a fortune 500 company, an applicant once told me that he didn't really have the degree he said he had, but could have received it, if he'd taken two more courses. He then asked "what company is this."

Posted 5/13/2008 07:39:00 AM by Douglas

There's a fine, possibly indistinguishable line between muffins and cupcakes.

Posted 5/12/2008 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

Another smoking ban narrowly defeated in Amarillo, or as I like to call it, America!

Amarillo residents have once against snuffed out a citywide smoking ban.

Amarillo's second attempt at a smoking ban Saturday was as close as its 2005 try.

"Everyone wants to change our way of life," said Scott Camarata, who heads Speak Out Amarillo, a group opposing the ban. "There's nothing wrong with the way our life is now."

Damn right, buddy. Nothing wrong with people choosing to kill themselves, if that's what they want to do. But don't laugh, there was some pretty compelling science this time around:

A smoking study released this week is adding to the pile of evidence of the possible harmful effects of secondhand smoke.

Breathe Easy Amarillo, an organization that pushed Amarillo's smoking ban to a vote this Saturday, and the American Heart Association took the release of the study to further support a ban on smoking in most public places.

The study, conducted by the Center for Tobacco Control Research & Education at the University of California-San Francisco, found that even a 30-minute exposure to secondhand smoke causes damage to the heart, arteries and other blood vessels, as well as the structures that repair them.

However, there were issues with the study. The study was conducted on 10 people in their late 20s and early 30s. The individuals were placed in an enclosed area, simulating the smoke exposure that would take place at a bar, according to the study.

Whether the damage was permanent was not addressed, according to a brief of the study.

Give me a freakin' break. A study bought and paid for by the group that wants to ban smoking, consisting of 10 people? Where was this held, on Colin Farell's couch? Because I bet 100% of those respondents found the experience, and I quote, "awesome."

Smokers already have to go somewhere else to smoke. Let them, and shut up about it.

Posted 5/12/2008 05:44:00 PM by Douglas

OK, he's old, we get it This doesn't really make a compelling point until I see the blog of things that are farther to the left than Obama or dumber than Hillary. But this blog doesn't mention Che Guevara or Stalin. But it does mention Spam and the Slinky. So run with that!

Posted 5/12/2008 05:41:00 PM by Douglas

Do you know what "Hi-speed internet" means when you're staying in a hotel? INTERNET! If you're lukcy.

Posted 5/10/2008 12:29:00 PM by Douglas

Colbert gets the skinny on the duties of astronauts on the ISS: They're janitors.

"I'm the flight engineer No. 2, which basically means I do whatever they need me to do. We spend a lot of time keeping it running, keeping it ship-shape and doing some scientific experiments and a bunch of otther stuff," Reisman explained.

"Are you saying you are janitor with a Phd," asked Colbert.

"I'm a bit of a glorified janitor. That is probably a pretty good description. I do a lot of cleaning," Reisman acknowledged.

I know he's trying to be funny, but it's not too far from the truth.

Posted 5/08/2008 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

What does it take to beat a DWI charge when you're double drunk and you wreck a vehicle you're not licensed to drive? Fame and money never hurt.

Tejano singer Emilio Navaira had a blood alcohol content of 0.19 — more than twice the legal limit — while driving the tour bus that crashed early March 23, according to a report made public today.

Navaira and five others were injured when the bus slammed into traffic barrels on the northbound West Loop on Easter Sunday about 4:55 a.m.

A supplemental report states that Harris County prosecutors said that the case warrants a DWI charge and that Assistant District Attorney Eric Kugler "felt the injuries were sufficient to support the charge of intoxication assault."

No charges have been filed against the 45-year-old singer, who is recovering at a Houston rehabilitation center.

If the State of Texas has two good reasons why his ass isn't in the Harris County detention center, I'd love to hear them. . . .

Posted 5/08/2008 05:43:00 PM by Douglas

Isn't this an old Dennis Leary joke? Pot smokers will make a bong out of anything, including someone's skull:

The Kingwood teenager's story of decapitating a corpse and using the head to smoke marijuana was so outlandish that at first Houston Police Department senior officer Jim Adkins did not believe it.

Yet, Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, appeared almost indifferent as he relayed the bizarre description of his and two friends' activities at a Humble area graveyard, Adkins said.

"I just doubted it because it's very morbid, and I couldn't see anybody doing something like this," Adkins said Thursday.

When zig-zags are outlawed, all pot smokers will be digging up corpses to smoke weed out of their moribund skulls.

Posted 5/08/2008 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes we mess with the planet, and sometimes she strikes back.

The nervous vigil at a huge sinkhole that mysteriously opened in this Liberty County town on Wednesday -- and grew rapidly throughout the day -- is continuing today as county officials hand off oversight of the emergency to the Texas Railroad Commission.

Well fuck, if the Texas Railroad Commission is on it, I'm sure they can fill it with sunshine, gumdrops, and puppy dogs in no time. Ok, maybe not:

Carl Norman, a geologist and professor emeritus at the University of Houston and a consultant with specialty in active faults and sinkholes, estimated that the sinkhole is about 900 by 600 feet wide and 260 feet deep.

That's pretty big. Almost big enough to swallow Rick Perry's ego. Or at least his hair.

Posted 5/08/2008 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Texans are lining up in droves to get a concealed handgun license. Why?

Demand for concealed handgun licenses has risen nearly 40 percent in Texas in a year, an increase being attributed to many factors, even presidential politics.

Though the exact cause may be unclear, what's certain is that the spike in applications has caught the Department of Public Safety unprepared.

Well, whatever the reason, I find it all perfectly ridiculous. A gun-grabbing president is going to effect federal/state gun laws how, exactly? Even Clinton's assault weapons ban did nothing but ban cosmetic aspects of a few firearms, and it wasn't even permanent. This sounds like a big yawn to me.

Posted 5/07/2008 05:05:00 PM by Douglas

Your printer problems may not be due to a manufacturer's default.

Posted 5/05/2008 06:47:00 PM by Douglas

Tobacco: We all know it's now the scourge of all mankind, turning teeth yellow and children into orphans faster than you can say LS/MFT. But in a day not that long ago, smoking used to be fun. Sedaris goes through his own personal "rise and fall" of smoking, and it's pretty damned funny:

When I was in fourth grade, my class took a field trip to the American Tobacco plant in nearby Durham, North Carolina. There we witnessed the making of cigarettes and were given free packs to take home to our parents. I tell people this and they ask me how old I am, thinking, I guess, that I went to the world’s first elementary school, one where we wrote on cave walls and hunted our lunch with clubs.

The Horror!!! Sure, there are huge drawbacks to smoking, but what about the advantages? What about these days?

All rules had their exceptions, but the way I came to see things they generally went like this: Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems for alcoholics, and Mores for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren’t. One should never lend money to a Marlboro-menthol smoker, though you could usually count on a regular-Marlboro person to pay you back. The eventual subclasses of milds, lights, and ultra-lights not only threw a wrench in the works but made it nearly impossible for anyone to keep your brand straight. All that, however, came later, along with warning labels and American Spirits.

Ah, those were the days! I knew a guy in college that smoked Virginia Slims (or Vagina Slimes as we called them) ultra-light 120 menthols, just because he knew, without a doubt, that no one would ever bum a smoke off him. He was right.

When New York banned smoking in the workplace, I quit working. When it was banned in restaurants, I stopped eating out and when the price of cigarettes hit seven dollars a pack I gathered all my stuff together and went to France.

Gotta give it to him for his dedication!

I've said before that dammit if non-smokers are some of the most annoying people on the planet.