Posted 3/31/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

So that's the way they greet each other:

Yeah, I know, this probably isn't even a real boob-grab, but rather a feel-up brought to you bad a bad camera angle. But it still works, don't it? Why else would she be smiling like that? Who in the world would be that excited about meeting a Spanish Communist?

Posted 3/31/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

“Auntie, do you have a boy in mind?” Interesting look into the world of Indian arranged marriages and the hedonism of American "dating." And the headline asks a great question, " Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?" Probably not but considering that Americans chose the person that makes them miserable for the rest of their lives, how can we say it's worse? Do Indians take it that seriously?

At a recent dinner party, when I was trying to explain how single-minded Indian parents can be, my friend Jaidev jumped to the rescue. “Imagine you are on a safari in Africa with your parents,” he said. “A lion strolls by, and then perhaps a tiger. Your mother turns to you and says, ‘Son, when are you getting married? You have a girl in mind? What are your intentions?’”

Ouch. But I guess getting married to someone you just met might have its drawback. (or maybe not. . . )

My father saw my mother once before they got married. He loves to shock Americans by recounting how he lost sight of her at a bazaar the day after their wedding and lamented to himself that he would never find her again, as he’d forgotten what she looked like. So while we, as modern Indian women, eschew the idea of marrying without love, the idea that we’re being too picky tends to nag even more than it otherwise would.

I'm sure there's a downside I'm not imagining right now. . . Also, there are always exceptions to your parent's ridiculously high standards:

Still rather prejudiced against meat-eaters, my father immediately discards responses from those with a “non-veg” diet. There is, however, a special loophole for meat-eaters who earn more than $200,000.

$200K buys a lot of steak. And curry.

And for some reason, I found this line particularly interesting:

Like most Indians of their generation, my parents believe there are only two legitimate professions: doctor and engineer (not medicine and engineering, but doctor and engineer).

Now why is that?

The Femi-Nazis of America go from placid to a full four-foot hover when they hear about "arranged marriages" but really, it could be worse. Divorce rate is 50% in America, and we have the conceit to say that an arranged marriage is wrong? At least it's arranged by the cool heads of the parents, and not by Scotch and soda. The parents arranging a marriage know what things are fleeting and what are important. Sure, he may be cute now, but if she shoots him for leaving the seat up for the 30,000th time, it's not really gonna work out, is it? The older generation have the wisdom of their years, and if it finds a way into the matrimonial selection of their children, I don't see the harm.

That being said, I never got my dowry.

Posted 3/31/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Say you're self employed and you want to give you business some attention. What do you do? How 'bout taking a picture of your nude genitalia and putting it on the hood of your car? What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

The police of Los Angeles have recently had a lot of fun, when they were filling out papers to register a series of car accidents. As it turned out, drivers were losing control and running into other vehicles because of a giant women's pubis, which they could see displayed on the front part of an oncoming car. The LA police started desperately looking for the unfortunate pubis and came upon the tracks of young hairdresser, Nelly Node.

Nelly's passion for arts made the young woman photograph her own crotch and put the zoomed picture on her Volkswagen Beetle. Nelly decided to use such a shameless method to prepare her college course work, in which she analyzed the art of design. The witty student's idea worked for the college professors: she was proudly driving her "pubic beetle" until the police arrested the woman.

Call it a hunch, but I don't think that's the first time the phrase "LA police started desperately looking for the unfortunate pubis". Maybe I'm wrong

Also, I think this is totally made up. But hey, it's still kinda funny.

Posted 3/31/2005 04:56:00 PM by Douglas

Hold the phone! Lying on your résumé is illegal? I thought it was encouraged?!?

A former Spring Branch Independent School District administrator has pleaded guilty after being accused of a misdemeanor for lying on his résumé.

In his 2002 district application, Maloney had said he had a bachelor's degree and a master's degree from Cal Southern University, court records show. No such school exists.

Seriously though, if we prosecuted everyone that lied on their résumé, we wouldn't have room in the courts for the petty drug criminals and people driving with a BAL of 0.081%.

Once in an interview I was reviewing the credentials of a young lad that claimed to have a degree in both Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering. After asking him if that was two separate degrees, or if it was a double major offered from his school (my interview banter is weaker than Bea Arthur on the military press), he confessed that his school offered a double major, and if he took three more courses, he'd have two degrees. Yet he listed it on his résumé as though he'd already done so.

But for the ultimate in résumé padding, you've got to head over to The Simpson's

Smithers reads Marge's resume
Smithers: Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Oh, I thought Muddy Waters wrote that song.
Smithers: This resume is very impressive. Let me be the first to say "Abebu Gazini".
Marge: What?
Smithers: "Welcome aboard". I guess my Swahili's not as good as yours.

Classic.

Posted 3/31/2005 04:41:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes the headline says it all

Teen riding on trunk of car falls off and dies

And?. . . .where's the news here??

A 16-year-old boy taking a ride on the trunk of a car fell off, hit his head and died several hours later.

Rees said the boy and some other teens hopped on top of the car for a short ride to a fast-food restaurant.

Sales at the fast-food restaurant not withstanding, this sounds like an unemployment solution to me.

Posted 3/29/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

For anyone interested in taking a tour of your own ass-hole, don't miss your chance.

The Super Colon, a traveling 8-foot-tall, 20-foot-long inflatable replica of a colon, is now on display in Houston to help visitors understand the importance of colorectal cancer screening.

Colorectal cancer is the second-leading cancer killer but is curable 90 percent of the time when detected early.

If only a colonoscopy was this much fun:

Posted 3/29/2005 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Russians invade Crimea. Ukrainians obviously not happy about it.

The Russian amphibious ship Nikolai Filchenkov has crossed the Ukrainian border near the town of Feodosiya in the Crimea without Ukraine’s permission and begun landing personnel and hardware at the naval training ground near Mount Opuk, Interfax news agency reports.

In total, 142 marines and 28 pieces of military hardware from the Black Sea Fleet’s 382nd Marine Battalion were landed on Ukrainian territory. Ukrainian authorities halted the operation and forced the ship to leave the country’s territorial waters.

The incident, which took place on Wednesday, has raised tensions between Russia and Ukraine who are seeking an agreement on the withdrawal of Russian naval forces from the Crimea.

Russian Marines are a lot like a Kennedy at stag party. They're drunk as hell, they go where they want, and they're not used to being told no. They also have armored troop transports for some reason.

Posted 3/29/2005 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

A word to the citizens of El Paso: You need to steal more beer.

Despite last week's "beer run" turned armed robbery, El Paso police said they've seen a 31 percent decrease in beer thefts citywide in the first two months of 2005, compared with the same period last year.

Beer runs, in which a thief grabs beer and flees without paying, are among the most common crimes in El Paso. There were 1,947 cases last year, according to police data.

It is difficult to determine a reason for the decline, said police spokesman Javier Sambrano. Last summer, tactical teams made more than a dozen arrests after setting up surveillance at frequently targeted shops.

This is the definition of a slow news day. When things that don't happen are newsworthy.

Posted 3/29/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

I guess if they want to put BMI on report cards, it's only fair that the teachers have to weigh in also.

A state lawmaker has suggested Hawaii's public schoolteachers be forced to weigh in as part of the fight against obesity in students, KITV in Honolulu reported.

State Rep. Rida Cabanilla introduced a resolution in the house requesting that the Board of Education establish an obesity database among public schoolteachers.

"You cannot keep a kid to a certain standard that you yourself is not willing to keep," Cabanilla said.

It's been documented that more than 20 percent of Hawaii's children are at risk, or are already overweight, according to the station. There are no statistics on teachers.

The resolution calls for all public schoolteachers to weigh in every six months.

Ok, so even if he does have a point, I think this makes a point for measuring fat kids is stupid, and not that it doesn't go far enough.

Because we all know, unless you're a stripper, the size of your ass have very little to do with how you do your job.

Posted 3/29/2005 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

And I thought my post last month about prime numbers was totally pointless. Apparently there are people that are out there, right now, looking for even bigger prime numbers.

An eye surgeon in Germany has discovered the world's largest known prime number -- or at least his computer did.

The surgeon, Dr. Martin Nowak of Michelfeld, is among thousands of participants in the Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search, one of several big projects that tap idle computers worldwide.

Last month, Nowak's Pentium 4 computer concluded that a number it had been crunching on for more than 50 days was indeed prime, with only two integer divisors, 1 and itself.

A different computer using different software verified the result.

The number, rendered in exponential shorthand, is 225,964,951-1. It has 7,816,230 digits, and if printed in its entirety, would fill 235 newspaper pages.

I bet he's really great at parties. "Hey, baby, wanna see the biggest prime number? The last digit is 4."

Posted 3/28/2005 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

An interesting Indian response to the Pakistani F-16 deal.

The issues that arise from USA's decision to strengthen Pakistan's strike power, I feel, are much larger than merely seeking or getting "American respect." A nation whose civilisational history stretches back to 5,000 years, that is more than Americans can count without a Texas Instruments TI-83, and whose billion-plus population is not dependent on American wheat surplus of the PL 480 variety, can do without "American respect." Thank you very much, but America is welcome to stuff its "respect" in a hot dog.

That's kind of nicer than I expected. This email really tells a different story. It's almost as though BushCo forgot they're a nuclear power with over a Billion people

"lovely easter gift to india from the us.

moral: proliferate nukes, threaten us interests everywhere, be terror hub, and get rewarded for it. this has been north korea's experience, china's experience, saudi arabia's experience, and pakistan's experience.

suck up to the us, desperately crave its goodwill, allow its odious conversion machine to dictate terms to you, and get slapped on the face. this is india's experience.

simple solution for india: proliferate nuke and missile technology to anybody who wants it, especially taiwan and japan. this will immediately get american respect, much as pokhran-ii did."

The United States of America: Pissing off the world's largest democracy to make the world a safer place.

Posted 3/28/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Ever wake up hungry? Burger King hopes you do, and they also hope you keep driving past the Carl's Jr. and cruise on in for their Enormous Omelet Sandwich

Burger King began offering two new breakfast sandwiches Monday, including one that packs more calories and fat than a Whopper.

The Enormous Omelet Sandwich carries 730 calories and 47 grams of fat and comes with two eggs, sausage, three strips of bacon and two slices of melted American cheese on a bun. It's heftier than a Whopper hamburger, which weighs in at 700 calories and 42 grams of fat.

I wish I had something as funny or pithy about this as The Simpson's already has, but I don't:

We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter, then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger.

Remember, kids, that was satire. This is $2.99, and available on every damn corner of America.

Posted 3/28/2005 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Two words: Bush Twins.

As an April fool's joke, Maxim is taking on the Bush twins.

The April issue of the men's magazine, which hit newsstands Tuesday, has a photo illustration of Jenna and Barbara Bush, plumage in the air and sporting lingerie in what is meant to be the aftermath of a pillow fight.

"Born November 25, 1981, this Texas twosome burst into the public eye and our dirtiest dreams — right after Daddy moved into the Oval Office," reads the first paragraph.

The second paragraph was read from a secured location at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Posted 3/28/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Here's an arms deal the Defense Department isn't happy about. Why? Because it's not theirs.

US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld expressed concern over Venezuela's purchase of some 100,000 AK-47 automatic rifles from Russia on a tour of Latin American nations focusing on security, drug trafficking and the war on terrorism.

The purchase, as well as plans by Caracas to buy Russian attack helicopters and fighter jets, has fueled Washington's ire against populist Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

"Certainly I'm concerned. I can't imagine what's going to happen to 100,000 AK-47s. I can't imagine why Venezuela needs 100,000 AK-47s, and I just personally hope that it doesn't happen," Rumsfeld said here after meeting Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva and Defense Minister Jose Alencar.

And what, pray tell, does Pakistan need with F-16s? Air shows? Are they putting on a barn-storming show? The fact that these two stories came out on the same day makes it even more ironic. High performance Multirole fighters to a nuclear power: OK. Small arms to a third world country: blasphemy. Hey, I know. How 'bout a train load of M-16s. Never been fired, and only dropped once. I wonder if Rummy would have a problem with that?

Posted 3/27/2005 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

I'm not trying to say that America is the bully of the world. . . but I can't think of another way to end this sentence. Take this little sale for example. India and Pakistan have been at the brink of war for, well, pretty much forever. Now Bush in all his wisdom is selling giving Pakistan F-16s.

The United States announced plans to sell F-16 fighter jets to Pakistan despite objections from Islamabad's nuclear-rival India.

The sale was part of a new strategic approach to the troubled subcontinent that was presented to both countries by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on her visit there earlier this month, a senior US official said, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Why is the DoD now an proxy advertising agency for Lockheed Martin? And what could possibly go wrong giving F-16s to Pakistan? India, you've got the floor.

Singh expressed to Bush his "great disappointment," saying it could have "negative consequences" for India's security, according to the Indian leader's spokesman, Sanjaya Baru, in New Delhi.

But the US official said "we don't see any impact on the relevant military balances in the region," adding that the United States was prepared to sell the F-16 and the more sophisticated F-18 fighters to India if they wanted them.

One quick question. What the fuck?!? My puerile assessment of that conversation: "yeah, we sold some fighters to your enemy, but check this out. We'll sell you the really good shit if they start shooting at you with them. We got some shit that'll shoot those down before you even see 'em."

Also, for absolutely no reason, here's Lockheed's stock price over the past two years since the war started.

Posted 3/27/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

A great way to spend a beautiful spring Saturday in South East Texas. The Byzantine Fresco Chapel and The Rothko Chapel. The Byzantine Chapel had some incredible architecture and some even more awe inspiring frescos. The Rothko had some big canvases that, according to a friend who collects art, "looks like he painted 'em with a fucking roller." To each, his own, I suppose. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, after all.

Posted 3/27/2005 05:19:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, a gift for the idiot that has everything. An $8.95 device to block FoxNews from your cable.

It's not that Sam Kimery objects to the views expressed on Fox News. The creator of the "Fox Blocker" contends the channel is not news at all. Kimery figures he's sold about 100 of the little silver bits of metal that screw into the back of most televisions, allowing people to filter Fox News from their sets, since its August debut.

I hope I don't owe this guy nine bucks, because my TV came with some standard equipment that does the exact same thing. It's called a remote control. Moron.

Posted 3/27/2005 04:18:00 PM by Douglas

Happy Easter!

Posted 3/27/2005 03:49:00 PM by Douglas

It might be a sign of compassion if your attorney agrees to set up a payment plan in exchange for his legal services. It's not a sign of compassion if he wants you and your sister-in-law to get double-barrel freaky on him and each other.

A school board member and prominent lawyer has been charged with prostitution, accused of offering legal services in exchange for sexual favors.

An arrest affidavit said Copenhaver offered to represent a Round Rock woman's husband if she and her sister-in-law would perform sex acts with him and each other.

Lawyers, as usual, setting the example of professional ethics.

"I am deeply apologetic to my family and friends," Copenhaver said in a statement Thursday. "I hope that all of them will support me during this difficult time. I intend to work through the legal process to get this behind me as soon as possible. Please keep me in your prayers."

How 'bout being "deeply apologetic" to the family you were trying to screw over. Literally.

Posted 3/27/2005 03:30:00 PM by Douglas

Ford set to pump a crapload of money into Jaguar.

Ford Motor Co. is preparing a 500 million pound ($934.6 million) capital injection for the unit's struggling Jaguar division, The Sunday Times newspaper reported, citing a senior Jaguar source.

Earlier this month, Ford said it expected Jaguar, which has struggled to keep pace with larger rivals in the premium car sector, to report flat sales and a loss this year.

Maybe with almost a Billion dollars they can figure out how to get 'em to stop leaking oil.

Posted 3/25/2005 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

I hate cops. I really do. If there's a larger group of tax-payer suppored red-neck, inbred skoal dippin'idiots, I don't know what it is. So let's not be all surprised when they get a bit nutty over a little pr0n.

It began as the fairly routine arrest of a drunken-driving suspect on a Houston street.

It quickly evolved into a maze of questions as investigators checked out reports that a Houston police officer had found nude photos of the driver stored in her cellular phone, downloaded them and later showed them around the courthouse.

Patrolman Christopher Green has been reassigned to desk duty pending the outcome of an internal investigation. His partner, George Miller, also has been reassigned while the department looks into reports that he called the DWI suspect's home to ask her out.

That's what happens when the thin blue line runs head first into a set of blue balls.

Posted 3/25/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

For those of us that weren't children of the 60's, MacArthur's Park may need some explanation. Thankfully, I'm not the person to give it to you, but luckily this guy has stepped up to the plate.

Of course, the most oft asked question (to Richard Harris, at least) about this song is "why?" But now I suppose the question would be why do I bring it up. Here's why:
Two days ago, I'm having an unusually banal conversation with a guy at work. Don't ask how Richard Harris' MacArthur's Park came up, because I don't know. Even if I did, I'd deny it. Anyhoo, I confessed that I'd never heard the song, yet the name sounded vaguely familiar.

Flash forward to today when I'm listening to Michelle Shocked's Come a long way and dang nabbit if that nonsensical song isn't referenced:

I heard the screams of the dying dark
Through the sweet green icing of MacArthur Park

Which makes a lot more sense when you've heard the original lyrics.

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again

Ok, maybe none of it makes sense. Who am I to judge. I just don't know how I missed out on such a horribly splendid gem of awfulness all this time. It's like turning 35 and only then finding out about roller derby.

Posted 3/25/2005 06:30:00 AM by Douglas

I'm with Fark on this one. This has got to be the most inappropriaite logo of all time:

Update!
Leave it to Fark to really spell it out:

Labels: unfortunate logos

Posted 3/24/2005 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

When you make a purchase with a credit card and your signature is required does anyone ever look at it? Perhaps if the charge was disputed, that signature would come under close scrutiny, but we all know the person behind the counter doesn't give a flying flip how or if you sign your name. Well this guy decided to perform an experiment to take the whole "signature required" paradigm to the extreme. I think it's hilarious, but maybe he's got too much time on his hands.

What is particularly infuriating about this is that the credit card companies are ripping off the entire world and we're not doing anything about it. If you have a combination debit/credit card and use it to make a purchase, the retailer is charged a different fee depending on whether you hit the "credit" or "debit" button. . . . for using the same damn card! Debit card transactions charge a flat rate between 75¢ and $1.50, where credit card transactions charge 3% of the sale. Where does this extra 3% come from? Everything you buy is marked up 3% so credit card companies (not the banks issuing them) can make billions of dollars a year for doing virtually nothing. Hardly seems fair.

So sign your credit card receipts "My Butt". Or better yet, don't use it at all.

Posted 3/23/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Yet another take of the Texas Legislature trying to keep stupid aggies from doing stupid things. But it was the headline that got my attention this time:

Legislation seeks to curb underage, binge drinking

How odd: The Legislature is the cause of some of my binge drinking.

Posted 3/23/2005 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Another day in Houston.

An explosion rocked a BP oil refinery Wednesday, killing an undetermined number of people, injuring more than 100 and sending flames and black smoke billowing into the sky, authorities said.

BP spokesman Neil Chapman confirmed fatalities but did not have a total number. The fire was extinguished after a few hours, and workers were searching through rubble for survivors or bodies. The cause of the blast was not immediately known.

And all I can think about is my bitching about gas prices.

Posted 3/23/2005 05:19:00 PM by Douglas

Under some sort international blogging agreement, it seems that every blog must post a link to this story in the next 72 hours. So here it is. I really don't want to say anything about this case, because it's disgusting and tragic enough without my pithy comments. So here's the RNC:

The one-page memo, distributed to Republican senators by party leaders, called the debate over Schiavo legislation "a great political issue" that would appeal to the party's base, or core, supporters. The memo singled out Sen. Bill Nelson, D-Fla., who is up for re-election next year.

This is an important moral issue, and the pro-life base will be excited that the Senate is debating this important issue," said the memo, reported by ABC News and later given to The Washington Post. "This is a great political issue, because Senator Nelson of Florida has already refused to become a co-sponsor and this is a tough issue for Democrats."

The whole thing is disgusting, but thanks taking the bar even lower, ass-hats.

Posted 3/20/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

Is it every going to end? Is there ever going to be a vice that someone (or perhaps, a government) isn't going to protect us from? Prohibition, smoking, the drug war, and now it seems like their sights are set on fast food. Is there no end? Well, if you enjoy washing down a cheeseburger with a few beers, you're not alone.

HOW DID IT come to this? When was it decided that the dorks and the squares, the button-down mediocrities for whom a third Friday-night beer is the height of excess, would be calling the shots? Who empowered these teetotaling chumps, these jogging crypto-fascists with spotless livers and unblackened lungs, to decide where we smoke and how we drink and what we eat? The Declaration of Independence professes a commitment to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But apparently when it comes to substance abuse and foods of dubious nutrition, all bets are off. America is in very real danger from a creeping neo-prohibitionism, a systematic snuffing out of our beloved vices. It can only end badly.

Why does the government care? Because in our nanny-state, the government gets stuck with the bill when you smoke and eat ice cream all day, then waddle up to the free clinic wondering why you got heart disease. The problem isn't that the government is trying to tax the shit out of drinking, smoking, fatty foods and pizza, it's that government is married to curing your fat ass when you get sick. Take government out of the equation of curing the ignorant masses, and we'll see their interventionist nature dry up in a heartbeat.

But I didn't know when I woke up today that I'd be blogging two stories that reference Bill Hicks. Here's what he has to say on the matter of public smoking:

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin’ mouth.

-- Bill Hicks

Rest his soul. If he'd have lived through another Bush presidency, and a $7 pack of cigarettes in NYC, there's just no telling what would have happened.

Posted 3/20/2005 04:47:00 PM by Douglas

We gonna fly that damn thing or not.

NASA space shuttle officials had hoped to roll Discovery out of its Orbital Processing Facility (OPF) and into the VAB next week, where its external tank and solid rocket boosters already stand assembled.

But in a status report released Friday, NASA officials said additional work was needed to address wiring issues in Discovery's payload bay and landing gear doors.

Shuttle officials now hope the orbiter will be ready to rollout of the OPF in early April.

Shuttle engineers apparently first spotted the wiring issue on Discovery's sister ship Endeavour. Fasteners were found to be chafing tubing around the wires, leading technicians to inspect Discovery's wiring as well.

That may be the first instance of the combination of the words "NASA Engineers" and "chafing tubes" that didn't involve a hooker. Is NASA writing soft-core pr0n now?

Posted 3/20/2005 04:34:00 PM by Douglas

Lexicographers are cool, and this post from Althouse sums up the NYT piece much better than I could, so I'll just leave it at that. Just know when you've seen an errant "U" here in the blog, it's here for a reason. The South never bowed down to Master Noah's dictionary.

Posted 3/20/2005 04:31:00 PM by Douglas

John DeLorean, we hardly knew you.

John Z. DeLorean, an automotive innovator who left General Motors Corp. to develop a radically futuristic sports cars only to see that venture crash spectacularly as he fought federal drug charges, has died at age 80.

DeLorean was among just a handful of U.S. entrepreneurs who dared start a car company in the last 75 years.

While apt to be remembered popularly as the man behind the car modified for time travel in the "Back to the Future" movies, DeLorean left a powerful imprint in automaking built on unique, souped-up cars.

"John DeLorean was one of Detroit's larger-than-life figures who secured a noteworthy place in our industry's history," GM Chairman and CEO Rick Wagoner said Sunday in a statement. "He made a name for himself through his talent, creativity, innovation and daring. At GM, he will always be remembered as the father of the Pontiac GTO, which really started the muscle-car craze of the '60s."

What a pity that a man of so many accomplishments is going to be remembered for his drug scandal. How many people would have the stones to spit in the eye of the big three, hang out their shingle, and start making cars? His creativity and vision are worthy of admiration, even if his follow-through leaves something to be desired. For example, his car turns heads even today, but who the hell wants a car, no matter how cool it looks, if you can't get out of it when it's parked in 90% of America's parking spots? Also, when looking for a place to build a factory in the early 1980s, he chose Northern Ireland. Was Beirut already full?

So remember the man that realized his dreams, even if they didn't always work out for the best. Half of us should be so lucky. And if you're ever in Snyder, Texas, stop by and see the gold DeLorean

Posted 3/20/2005 04:30:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe it's just me, but yelling Freebird at a lame cover-band is, and will always be, hilarious.

Yelling "Freebird!" has been a rock cliché for years, guaranteed to elicit laughs from drunks and scorn from music fans who have long since tired of the joke. And it has spread beyond music, prompting the Chicago White Sox organist to add the song to her repertoire and inspiring a greeting card in which a drunk holding a lighter hollers "Freebird!" at wedding musicians.

But I must admit, I'm a bit of a jerk drunk. But I had no idea that Bill Hicks was involved in this little tradition.

A harsh reaction to "Freebird" came from the late comedian Bill Hicks during a Chicago gig in the early 1990s. On a bootleg recording of the show, Mr. Hicks at first just sounds irked. "Please stop yelling that," he says. "It's not funny, it's not clever -- it's stupid."

The comic soon works himself into a rage, but the "Freebirds" keep coming. "Freebird," he finally says wearily, then intones: "And in the beginning there was the Word -- 'Freebird.' And 'Freebird' would be yelled throughout the centuries. 'Freebird,' the mantra of the moron."

Bill Hicks was ahead of his time, and Freebird! may very well be the mantra of the moron, but that doesn't make it any less funny when you're trying to have a beer in a bar and a lame cover-band is working on their fourth Hootie & the Blowfish song, or their tribute medley to Smashmouth. Yarg.

Posted 3/19/2005 06:41:00 PM by Douglas

Earthquake!!! This time, just outside of Amarillo.

People in parts of Amarillo picked up some unusual vibrations Thursday when a small earthquake struck north of town.

The magnitude 2.4 temblor occurred at 1:19 p.m., according to the U.S. Geological Survey's National Earthquake Information Center in Golden, Colo.

The epicenter was about 13 miles north of downtown Amarillo. No damage was reported.

No damage, yet a few cows were a bit disoriented.

Experts have theorized that many local earthquakes may be linked to fault lines in the Amarillo Mountains, which are underground, buried roughly 100 million years ago by sediment.

Those are two words I never thought I'd see in the same sentence: "Amarillo" and "Mountains." Imagine that. An area of the globe that's so flat you can see the back of your head, yet there are underground buried 'mountains' there.

And what the hell is a mountain buried by sediment? Isn't that just about the same thing as a hole filled with air?

Labels: Earthquakes

Posted 3/19/2005 06:35:00 PM by Douglas

Why, exactly do people go to football games? To watch a bunch of pumped up jocks knock each other around, or to watch a bunch of scantily clad cheerleaders shake their clichéd asses? Well, if this guy gets his way, it's not going to be the latter.

Legislation filed by Rep. Al Edwards, D-Houston, would put an end to "sexually suggestive" performances at athletic events and other extracurricular competitions.

"It's just too sexually oriented, you know, the way they're shaking their behinds and going on, breaking it down," said Edwards, a 26-year veteran of the Texas House. "And then we say to them, 'Don't get involved in sex unless it's marriage or love, it's dangerous out there,' and yet the teachers and directors are helping them go through those kind of gyrations."

Someone needs to wake this guy up. It's filed under 20th Century, 1960s. I don't know the history of girls shakin' their asses on the sidelines, but if you could describe something about a 17 year old girl in a four inch skirt workin' it in public that's not of a sexual nature, I'd love to hear it. No, seriously. Describe it to me.

In. Graphic. Detail.

Posted 3/19/2005 06:28:00 PM by Douglas

Further proof that male figure skaters are gay:

He's looking somewhere else?!?

Posted 3/17/2005 10:10:00 PM by Douglas

Thank you, Nevada. Instead of wondering when Texas was going to choke, you answered that question right off the bat. It's so much easier than wondering when Texas is going to choke. Best to just get it out of the way.

Posted 3/17/2005 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting little web-app that shows what the Congress is up to, and what it's going to cost. More specifically, what it's going to cost you. When I dreamed of a utopian Democracy when I was a wee lad, I never dreamed of a land where the masses would be forced to pay for this krep:

S. 163 would establish the Mormon Pioneer National Heritage Area in Utah and would designate the Utah Heritage Highway 89 Alliance as the managing entity for the area. The nonprofit corporation would be responsible for developing and implementing a management plan for the protection, development, and management of cultural and other area resources. Finally, the legislation would authorize the appropriation of funds for technical and financial assistance to the Alliance over the next 15 years.

But it's only going to cost my household a nickel, so why should I care?

Oh, right. Because the herd voting itself other people's money isn't really what democracy is all about, is it? I could be wrong.

Posted 3/17/2005 05:41:00 PM by Douglas

Houston's famed beer can house gets a shot in the arm.

Nothing is as forgettable as yesterday's beer can.

But to John Milkovisch, Houston's front-yard philosopher and beer drinker extraordinaire, the empties were handy shortcuts to home repair. Over two decades, the Southern Pacific upholsterer flattened and attached thousands of cans to his modest bungalow, stacked them into fences and strung them as garlands from his roof.

By the time Milkovisch died at 75 in 1988, his can-clad home was on its way to becoming a nationally celebrated folk-art site.

Efforts to restore Milkovisch's Beer Can House, which has suffered years of gradual decline, have moved into high gear with a $125,000 Houston Endowment grant to the Orange Show Center for Visionary Art, which acquired the house in November 2001. "The Beer Can House represents the sort of idiosyncratic individualism that Houstonians and Texans' pride themselves on," Emily Todd, the endowment's grant officer, said Wednesday.

$125K to restore old beer cans to slap on the side of a house? Geez, do they know how much freakin' beer that would buy? Seriously, there are college kids about to sober up right now, and you're going to spend good money to buy antique Texas Pride cans to put on this guy's roof? Priorities, folks.

I can't believe the Chronicle would run this story without a picture (who am I kidding? Of course they would: they suck), so here's my very own crappy picture of the house, in all its pop-top glory:

Posted 3/17/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

When crossbows are outlawed, only outlaws will have crossbows.

Tighter gun ownership laws are pushing South Africans to buy crossbows, spears, swords, knives and pepper sprays to protect themselves from violent crime.

"We've had to build an entirely new shop because the demand from people is so great," Justin Willmers, owner of Durban Guns and Ammo, told Reuters. "It can be anything from a Zulu fighting spear, battle axes, swords, crossbows."

New gun controls came into force last year under South Africa's Firearms Control Act, but some weapons shop owners say high crime rates are pushing law abiding citizens to look for alternative means of defending themselves.

Imagine that?!? People want to use weapons to protect themselves. I'm sure this is a unique and totally new approach to modern problem. But what about the people they seek protection from? Surely they don't have guns, do they? They're illegal, right?

Estimates of the number of illegal firearms in South Africa vary between 1 and 4 million, he said, but the real problem is from some 30-40,000 hardcore criminals using a small number of illegal guns.

1-4 million illegal firearms, and they aren't used in crimes? Then what the hell else do they need them for? You can't un-ring the bell, and you can't take the guns away from the bad guys. . . only the good guys. So why bother? The resurgence of Medieval weaponry only makes a gun ban that much more absurd.

Posted 3/17/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead, yet he's still got a statue or two around Madrid. At least he did up until yesterday.

Before dawn, to jeers and cheers from fascist and anti-fascist supporters, a crane lifted the statue of the general mounted on a horse from its plinth.

There had been no notice that the 1959 statue would be removed.

Some other things they don't notice in Spain:

Since his death and Spain's return to democracy, some other Franco statues and memorials have been removed from public places.

But in 2002, the conservative government - which was replaced by the Socialists last year - voted against proposals to remove street names, statues and other symbols of the Franco era.

Notice that the "return to democracy" was overshadowed and "replaced by the Socialists" in less than a generation? Maybe they should just leave the statues up for another 4 years and wait for the next revolutionary to free them from the oppressive tyranny that subjugates them this week. It's much easier to put a new name at the bottom of a statue than it is to make a whole new one.

Posted 3/17/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

In lieu of having something to actually say, I thought I'd post this. A monkey:

Actually, what got my attention about this picture is that it looks a lot like me last weekend at my bi-annual red meat, gunpowder, ethanol & nicotine festival up in East Texas.

Or at least it would look like that, if that baboon had a gun, or if I had any chest hair.

Posted 3/14/2005 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

Happy π day

This day has been celebrated in a variety of ways. Groups of people, typically π clubs, give thought to the role that the number π has played in their lives and imagine the world without π

If you're like me, and think that this idiotic celebration should be better celebrated at 1:59, then I pity you.

Posted 3/10/2005 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

After wasting so much of the State's time, it looks like the 79th legislature is finally getting down to some real business that affects Texas. Cupcakes.

Amid tense education funding debate, Texas House members paused Wednesday to take up a matter dear to school kids everywhere: cupcakes.

Legislators in a unanimous recorded vote cleared the way for public school students to bring the sweet treats - complete with candy sprinkles - to celebrate their birthdays.

With sprinkles? A cupcake bill is one thing, but I would have thought a sprinkle bill would have had to have been totally separate. . . .

In August, soon after setting the new rules, Combs issued a "cupcake clarification" stating that cakes and cupcakes could be brought to school for birthdays. The agriculture department did, however, recommend that birthday parties be scheduled after the last lunch period.

Look, you morons, if you're counting on the state legislature to keep your kid from becoming a lardass, that means you also depend on the sign in the bathroom that says "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" from keeping urine out of your salad. It just doesn't work that way. Yet, they continue.

"As a UT grad, I am, of course, very devoted to burnt orange sprinkles," Combs added.

Lawmakers made plenty of jokes, too.

"If we vote for this, can we all call you 'Cupcake?' " Republican Rep. Peggy Hamric, R-Houston, asked Dunnam.

"As long as I can call you 'Sugar Plum,' " Dunnam replied.

House Speaker Tom Craddick joined in the chatter and cast a rare vote.

"There being 148 ayes, zero nays, the cupcake amendment is adopted," Craddick declared.

I once read that a state legislator in Texas can qualify for welfare with their paltry state salary. Now I realize, they are grossly overpaid.

Posted 3/10/2005 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

Any married man knows the story. You have a fight with your wife, for whatever reason. You've just got to get the hell out of the house before it goes too far. What do you do? Hopefully, not what this guy did.

A passing car struck a north Harris County man tonight after he decided to lay in the middle of the road following an argument with his wife, officials said.

He had been drinking for several hours prior to the incident, officials said. The victim's wife tried to coax him up from the road and tried to signal the motorists, Harris County Sheriff's deputies said.

How odd. Odd that he'd been drinking, and that his wife tried to help him up and signal passing motorists.

So, do you think at that point, he won the argument with his wife?

I'd say yes.

Posted 3/10/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

In an ironic twist of fate, Air France eschews the French Government supported AirBus and buys four Boeing 777s.

"The 777's world-famous comfort, range and flexibility make it ideally suited for leisure routes like Paris to Reunion, Pointe-a-Pitre and Fort de France," said Marlin Dailey, vice president of Sales for Europe and Central Asia, Boeing Commercial Airplanes. "We are very pleased that Air France has again chosen the 777-300ER, based on the successful in-service experience they've had with their first 777-300ERs."

Air France took delivery of its first 777-300ER in April 2004. Air France's existing backlog of eight 777-300ERs plus today's option exercises for four brings its total backlog for delivery to 12 airplanes.

The range, efficiency, and reliability of the 777-300ER allows airlines to open new city pairs, provide greater flexibility in route planning, and enable point-to-point travel, which is preferred by passengers worldwide. To date, 681 777s (including 107 777-300ERs) have been sold to airlines around the world, making it the preferred product in its market segment by airlines and passengers.

Suck on that, AirBus, ya Socialist bastards.

Posted 3/10/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Let's say you're a 30-40 year old man that goes on-line looking for some action. You eventually find some female that appears to be willing, so you go for it. Well, turns out she's between 15 and 17 and you end up going to jail. Is that the end of the story? Probably not.

Four men, including a local television news employee and a Houston orthodontist, have been indicted and arrested on charges of sexual assault of a child.

Investigators said the men made contact with a girl younger than 17 on the Internet and had sex with her at her Fort Bend County home in separate incidents in 2002 and 2003.

Tela Mange, a spokeswoman for the Department of Public Safety in Austin, said the girl was between 15 and 16 years old when the alleged offenses occurred.

Ok, so the State sets the age of consent at 18, so the fact that these men allegedly did the deed is pretty despicable in and of itself. But what about her? If a underage girl is going to go online and look for men to have sex with (which obviously she did, because she found at least four), shouldn't that come into play at some point in these guy's trials? They didn't exactly run into each other at a prayer meeting.

Posted 3/10/2005 05:08:00 PM by Douglas

I can't believe I first blooged this story almost two years ago, but it looks like New Mexico isn't done whining about it yet. Looks like Robinson (D-Albuquerque) is going to keep yammering about that three mile border dispute 'till someone listens. Problem is, he's not making a lot of sense. I know, that may seem strange, coming from a state legislator, but follow along with me.

Robinson said there are 603,485 acres of land along the north-south boundary with Texas that was erroneously appropriated to Texas due to a surveyor’s error. The bill directs the attorney general to sue for the return of land, as well as compensation for mineral rights, oil and gas royalties, property taxes and grazing privileges that have been lost due to the mistake.

“The purpose of suing Texas, it’s like a slap fight with your neighbor — you don’t want to do a heck of a lot of damage, but we do want to wake them up to the fact that Texas has not always treated New Mexico well,” Robinson said. “We’ve kind of been treated like a stepchild.

First of all, giving up New Mexico's claim to this land was a stipulation to their statehood in 1911, so if you want to blame anyone, blame your step-daddy. But we'll get to that in a second. Has this guy flown completely off his rocker? Eastern New Mexico is the kind of hell that Satan only slightly looks forward to for his vacations. It's so bad, it makes West Texas look like an oasis. Treating it like a stepchild would be an improvement, if only the beatings would stop during dinnertime.

“My home is less than eight miles from this line, and I can tell you that is some of the richest oil and gas country in Texas,” Leavell said. “If it wasn’t for that, the University if Texas would probably be a junior college.”

What an ignorant ass. First off, even if this was successful, the Texas/New Mexico line would only move 3 miles to the east, so his Noo Mexikan Publik Skewwl educated ass would still be in New Mexico. But I digress. The school sections that made over a billion dollars for the University of Texas' trust fund are in Reagan County, which isn't anywhere near any border with New Mexico. [So as a graduate from this glorified junior college, Mr. Shannon Robinson, let me be the first to tell you to suck it.] Still, there's more.

Robinson said El Paso the southern border between the states is based on where the Rio Grande was in 1850. He said when it was time for a water master to determine that boundary, Texas brought in several engineers, while New Mexico relied on the memories of sheep herders.

“The water master relied only on the data of the Texas engineers, and his statement in the report to the U.S. Supreme Court said, ‘the only evidence supplied by New Mexico was from some illiterate Mexicans who testified as to what they remember when they were 11 years old.’”

Texas, with its fancy engineers, and New Mexico, with its illiterate Mexicans and the memories of sheep herders. Is it any wonder New Mexico lost this one? Why are they brining it up again? Are they really that bored, or do they expect back-taxes from 1850?

Don't hold your breath on that last one, New Mexico.

Posted 3/08/2005 10:12:00 PM by Douglas

Speak English, vato, you know how horny it makes me.

As Hispanic teens shed the language of their native countries and immerse themselves in American culture, they become dramatically more sexually active, a new study shows.

A review of 7,300 Arizona teenagers' behavior, which should translate well to other states that border Mexico, including Texas, found that 31 percent of Hispanic teens who speak primarily English have had sex, more than twice the percentage of those who speak primarily Spanish, 14 percent.

The key question — why? — remains unanswered.

Obviously this is due to many factors, and has absolutely nothing to do with English. If I weren't so damn tired, I'd let the hilarity ensue, but I just don't have it in me today. I'll just wait for LUCLAC to blame ESL for teen pregnancy. Now I'm going to buy a vowel and go to bed.

Posted 3/08/2005 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

And I've got to go to work tomorrow?!? Is there any justice in this world?

Posted 3/08/2005 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

If you're reading this from Michigan or North Carolina, do me a favor and email me. Most of my readers are here out of some morbid curiosity, like watching a monkey flinging poo at the wall, so I'm always interested to find out how you got here.

I have a feeling I know who Michigan is, but North Carolina has got me totally stumped. So please, end the suspense.

Posted 3/08/2005 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes you just want people to get the hell out of your office. Now, here's a few pointers. I'm a big fan of "the stand" method, but as of late, I just turn around and start reading something on my computer. Usually, whoever is boring the shit out of me thinks I'm looking for something apropos to our conversation (or their monolog). When they realize I'm looking at cnn or random email, they generally just go away.

And for some reason, however unrelated, I couldn't help but link this story in the same breath. Way, way too true to be funny. Never admit you're wrong, you Fukin' Hitler!

Posted 3/08/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Boobies!, though not the kind you first think of. At least, not the kind I first think of. (100% Safe for work).

Posted 3/08/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

My new favourite web site. Watching things die a quick death in an industrial shredder. I'm partial to the computers, but I've always been a neo-luddite. What the hell do they do with the pieces?

Posted 3/08/2005 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

View from the top of the world. Looks like I can put off my trip to Nepal for a another summer.

Posted 3/07/2005 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Some pretty amazing snow sculptures. Kinda makes these sand castles look like a pile of crap.

Posted 3/06/2005 04:28:00 PM by Douglas

So many oppressive managers, so few uninhabited islands in the South Pacific.

What has also helped to perpetuate the romantic fascination with the mutiny is the existence of a small community on Pitcairn Island directly descended from the mutineers and their Tahitian wives.

A scientist of the time, gladly abandoning reason for passion, claimed that the Tahitians knew "no other god but love; every day is consecrated to it, the whole island is its temple, all the women are its idols, all the men its worshippers." Many of the men found Tahitian companions, and Fletcher Christian and a Tahitian named Maimiti fell deeply in love and later married. For Christian, Maimiti had the face that launched one mutinous ship.

Ah, those were the days.

Posted 3/05/2005 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

Mormons in Texas: Imagine how we're a bit gunshy about the term compound

The fact that the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is transforming the 1,700-acre YFZ ranch — short for Yearn for Zion — into a sprawling headquarters is disturbing to others as well in this sleepy West Texas county of 3,000 residents.

"You get a sect like this, and everyone wants to compare it to Waco," said Schleicher County Sheriff David Doran, referring to the deadly stand-off between federal officials and Branch Davidian leader David Koresh in 1993.

Well, if the hail of gunfire fits. Seriously, there's got to be a reason that these people have been driven out of every state they've lived in, and are totally shunned by the LDS Church in Salt Lake City. Why? Well, there's this:

In recent years, though, Jeffs and his group have come under increasing scrutiny from the media, anti-polygamy activists and law enforcement officials. They are facing two civil lawsuits by former members and ongoing criminal investigations by Utah and Arizona authorities, Utah officials said.

Former members accuse Jeffs and other church members of taking wives as young as 14.

"They believe that at the end of time, the city of Zion will be built with gold in a precinct near the Gulf of Mexico," Mankin explained. "Now, if you're from Houston, Eldorado may not seem that close to the Gulf. But if you're from Utah, it might."

Ok, so they need a map, too. That's not a crime. There's more, though, and a reason why they're marrying off 14 year old girls.

Jeffs and his father, the prophet known as Uncle Rulon, have predicted the coming of "the destructions," the apocalypse, at least four times in the past five years, Mankin said. The latest doomsday prediction was for Jan. 5.

"What I'm learning is that every time there is one of these apocalyptic visions, it coincides with a spike in the number of underage marriages," Mankin said. "These girls aren't interested in 50- or 60-year-old men, but all of a sudden (the) world is ending and you need to marry to be lifted up to heaven."

We all know it's not a crime to use the "end of the world" story to get a little tail, but it's kinda different story when she's 14, and when you're already married. Twice. As I've said before when this story first surfaced, this is just weird.

Posted 3/05/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

The D.A. of Potter county has exhumed the body of someone that died in a car crash to perform an autopsy to determine that he died of. . . < drumroll please > blunt force trauma.

Preliminary autopsy results show that a man killed in a wreck in January died of blunt-force trauma, a finding that helps prosecutors build a criminal case, said Randall County Criminal District Attorney James Farren.

The victim, Joshua Ray Casey, 19, of Hereford died in a one-vehicle wreck Jan. 20 near Canyon.

No autopsy was ordered at the time, but prosecutors later asked to exhume Casey's body because they needed a definite ruling on the cause of death, Farren said.

Isn't killing your drinkin' buddy bad enough? And what the hell else is a 19 year old guy going to die of in a single vehicle car wreck when the driver has been drinking? Heart attack?

Posted 3/05/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

So I punch up bootliquor when I logged on today. Then I checked the "last 50 songs played" list. I didn't see Lucinda Williams and David Crosby in the list, so I thought it was just a matter of time before I heard their plaintive caterwauling. And I was right. 15 songs after I logged on, I heard it again, proving again that internet radio sucks just as hard a regular radio.

Posted 3/03/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

It's official. The system just doesn't work.

A Zavala County jury has hit Ford Motor Co. with a $28 million verdict in a fatal rollover, despite evidence that the driver had been drinking before the accident and was driving at an unsafe speed.

The jury found Ford 90 percent responsible for the deaths and Guerrero Jr. 10 percent responsible.

Drinking and speeding only makes you 10% responsible for rolling your car? I know Ford had a problem with some bad tires, but good grief.

Posted 3/03/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

More dumb lawsuits. It don't get no dumber than this.

Calling the lawsuit vile and malicious, Judge Allen Sharp threw out a case Dec. 6 that had been filed by a child molester against a library facilities manager and the library's security company.

The molester claimed that the library should have prevented him from harming the child. He said the security company and its supervisor should have called the police when they saw him trying to open doors on the third floor of the library. Because they did not stop him while he was casing the library, "an innocent boy was victimized as well as the State of Indiana, St. Joseph County, and myself Ladell Alexander," he claimed.

This guy should be strung up by his thumbs, and flogged with the bloody ends of his lawyer's recently plucked arms.

Posted 3/01/2005 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

This guy's flying around the world. What are you doing with your day?

Posted 3/01/2005 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Dammit, I hate Tom DeLay, but I hate him even more when he's right.

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said today there is no constitutional guarantee of separation of church and state as the Supreme Court prepared to take up a case challenging the display of the Ten Commandments on the Texas Capitol grounds.

"I hope the Supreme Court will finally read the Constitution and see there's no such thing, or no mention, of separation of church and state in the Constitution," said DeLay, a Republican from Sugar Land.

The First Amendment of the Constitution says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof ..."

No other umbrella from the Left makes me want to puke more than when I hear "yeah, but what about the separation of church and state?" It doesn't exist. It never did. The first amendment protects us from a state religion, nothing more. And while I can't make a case for the presence of the ten commandments in a courtroom, I can't really see how people of any religion adhering to such rudimentary instructions is a bad thing, either.

What I don't get is how people can get so worked up over such a symbolic gesture of a public display of (for lack of a better word) morals, yet be totally complacent on state support of all religions. Does your church pay taxes? Of course not, unless you go to a really, really weird one.

So if you're going to cry about "the separation of church and state," pay your property taxes, or shut the hell up.

Posted 3/01/2005 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

I never get tired of Clara Harris. What's up this week?

Clara Harris, the Friendswood dentist sentenced to prison for murdering her husband by running over him with her Mercedes, blames defense attorney George Parnham for her conviction.

Harris, 47, told the Houston Chronicle in an exclusive interview last week from the Mountain View prison unit outside of Gatesville in central Texas that Parnham, whom she has accused in a lawsuit of overcharging her, did not prepare adequately.

If I learned nothing from The Shawshank Redemption, it's that there are no guilty men in prison. In this case, no guilty women.

So she's not guilty because her attorney didn't prepare adequately? Ok, maybe, but what about that part about driving over her husband with her car? Twice? In front of witnesses? On video? With his daughter riding shotgun?

You're guilty, darlin'.

Labels: crazy dentist

Posted 3/01/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Mexicans, blacks, finally joining forces against whitey.

At the NAACP annual convention in Houston three years ago, Hector Flores, the newly elected national president of the League of United Latin American Citizens, led delegates in rousing chants of "Viva NAACP!" and "Viva LULAC!"

A few weeks earlier, at the annual meeting of LULAC, also in Houston, Latino leaders gave the group's highest award to pioneer activist Howard Jefferson, then president of the Houston chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

Both events were unprecedented. But for the two granddaddies of civil rights organizations, they also went far beyond the obvious symbolism. The occasions marked a growing awareness between the two groups that they are stronger united than they are divided.

The groups took the idea further on Monday in Austin, when LULAC state director Roger Rocha and Texas NAACP President Gary Bledsoe stood side by side on the steps of the Capitol during a rally with 100 members of their organizations.

"We are here together as two organizations, fighting as one," said Rocha. "Everything we've worked so hard for will not go silently into the night."

I don't know if this is going to be significant or not, but geez, what were they waiting on? Especially considering that there's going to be a Hispanic majority in Texas in about 15 years, it might mean that the NAACP and the NAAWP will have to realign.

But what's even more interesting about this union is the animosity between these two groups. You take the reddest neck bigot from East Texas, and his prejudice pails in comparison to that espoused by the average Mexican towards black people. A vast, sweeping stereotype, I know, but it also happens to be true.

Posted 3/01/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

Cough syrup can get you high? Sure enough. Thankfully, I've never heard of DXM, nor am I a frequent user of cough syrup. But I do know this. If you're chuggin' Robitussin to get your jollies, you've got an enormous hole in your life that's not going to be filled with anything you can get OTC.