Posted 10/31/2008 07:10:00 PM by Douglas

I actually got some mail about the drinkin' post the other day:

Obviously it should have been Hab. 2:15 "Woe to him who makes his neighbors drink— you pour out your wrath and make them drunk, in order to gaze at their nakedness!"

Someone should point out Psalm 104:15 "God gives wine to make men's hearts glad."

Love your blog.
Tasha

Color me impressed. The only mail I get is generally hate mail. Turns out, she's got a blog. Check it out.

Posted 10/31/2008 06:59:00 PM by Douglas

Alternate headline for this one: Dork Uses Math To En-lamen Great Song, Hasn't Been Laid In Years

The opening chord to A Hard Day’s Night is also famous because for 40 years, no one quite knew exactly what chord Harrison was playing. Musicians, scholars and amateur guitar players alike had all come up with their own theories, but it took a Dalhousie mathematician to figure out the exact formula.

Four years ago, inspired by reading news coverage about the song’s 40th anniversary, Dr. Brown decided to try and see if he could apply a mathematical calculation known as Fourier transform to solve the Beatles’ riddle. The process allowed him to decompose the sound into its original frequencies using computer software and parse out which notes were on the record.

Maybe there's more to this that makes it, uh, interesting?

Posted 10/30/2008 09:42:00 PM by Douglas

For any Michigander that thinks their state doesn't suck, read this and rejoice in the glory of your state: every year burning down some of it.

The city that used to burn on the night before Halloween as mischief-makers torched abandoned buildings has largely doused its Devil's Night by mobilizing tens of thousands of citizens and law-enforcement personnel each year to patrol city neighborhoods.

Ah, the joys of community activism. Helping homeless? Feeding the hungry? Giving a kid his first bike? Nope, keeping some thug from burning down part of it. How quaint.

"It's unfortunate of course that we have to do this, but this is the hand we're dealt," said Luther Keith, executive director of ARISE Detroit!, a coalition of community groups hoping to keep Detroit safe from fires and vandalism around Halloween.

At its peak in 1984, 810 fires were reported in Detroit from Oct. 29 to 31, fueled by, among other things, Devil's Night's growing notoriety and the city's large number of abandoned buildings.

But the number of blazes has dropped — 147 fires were reported last year for the three days ending Oct. 31, up from the 113 reported in 2006 and 121 in 2005.

Shit, why try to stop them? MOVE and let the animals have what's left.

Labels: Detroit Decay

Posted 10/30/2008 09:36:00 PM by Douglas

Worst. Halloween costume. Evar.

Posted 10/30/2008 09:32:00 PM by Douglas

I've got a problem with the overuse of the word "issues," too.

So, that leaves us with the dispatcher who used the term. No doubt she has been listening and watching the political conventions with their myriad of issues. It seems the term "issues" has become a staple in everyday conversations so we excuse the woman for her use of the term.

Or, to quote a coworker when I made fun of her for using "issue" when she really meant "problem:" "I've got issues solving my problems."

She sure did.

Posted 10/30/2008 09:29:00 PM by Douglas

The good sober folks of Childress, Texas are at it again. This time, trying to mobilize their base to reverse their recent decision, decided by a plurality of its citizens, to ban the demon alcohol.

Voters in Childress County will decide next Tuesday if it's time to put a cork in the legal sale of alcohol after one year of being wet.

County voters last November narrowly approved a proposition that allows the sale of alcohol, including mixed beverages, in the county. The issue passed by seven votes - 789-782.

For instance, a Baptist church in the city of Childress kicked out one of its members after deacons learned he was campaigning on behalf of alcohol sales.

So when God brings fruit juice and yeast together and it ferments, do the Baptists think that God made a mistake? These people need a freakin' beer.

Also, what the hell is with the scripture he's pointing at in the picture?? Habakkuk 3:15? Am I missing something?

Thou didst walk through the sea with thine horses, through the heap of great waters.

Huh?

Posted 10/20/2008 09:40:00 PM by Douglas

Great old picture of Amarillo, Texas. Go to the high-res. Are houses in an equal proportion with churches??

Posted 10/19/2008 06:13:00 PM by Douglas

NASA's next moon shot:

Look familiar?

Posted 10/19/2008 04:17:00 PM by Douglas

She shot a mother-humpin' moose!

I think Amy Poehler is funnier pregnant.

Posted 10/19/2008 02:29:00 PM by Douglas

How not to vacuum your car.

Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash.

The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

Ewwwww.

Posted 10/19/2008 02:25:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting list of annoying phrases. Surprisingly absent, begging the question.

Posted 10/15/2008 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Earthquake in Miami? No, it's not where you think. Only a tree was damaged.

A 3.8-magnitude earthquake hit the Miami area Monday night, but there were no reports Tuesday of significant damage.

The epicenter of the 10:07 p.m. jolt was about six miles northwest of Miami, or 75 miles east-northeast of Amarillo, according to the U.S. Geological Survey's National Earthquake Information Center in Golden, Colo.

"One resident told us he saw an uprooted tree ... and one lady called and said it shook the foundation of her house," said Sandy Carr, a dispatcher for the Roberts County Sheriff's Office. "You definitely could feel it.

That's my-am-MA, Texas, to the uninitiated.

Labels: Earthquakes

Posted 10/13/2008 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

What a perfect coda to a perfectly worthless day (thanks a lot, Columbus, now I'm as worthless as a banker). Anyhoo:



Love the They Might Be Giants hook, too.

Posted 10/13/2008 12:32:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out, I'm not an alcoholic: I'm just British.

In a nation of the chronically ill-at-ease, alcohol is the lubricant that eases the pain of frightening social encounters, an essential prelude to relaxation, to joie de vivre and even, at times, to rudimentary conversation. But because Britain has what is known as an “ambivalent alcohol culture” – which means the British haven’t worked it out completely – they can take their drinking too far, too fast, with corrosive consequences to health, happiness and productivity.

I have many British friends who in America would be considered functioning alcoholics – the equivalent of 1950s Cheeveresque businessmen from suburban Connecticut who greeted the end of the workday with a couple of predinner martinis before moving on to wine and whisky. Heavy drinking is part of the fabric of their lives and it would be considered rude to comment on it.

Well then don't. Drink a pint and shut your sober cake hole.

Posted 10/13/2008 12:26:00 PM by Douglas

I bet this book is about as exciting as claiming a checked bag at the airport, but I like its premise: Air travel is horrible.

One of the saddest stories of the 20th century is the fate of air travel. In 1900 it was a dream, feverishly speculated upon, subject to all manner of Jules Verne imaginings; by 1999 it was a chore, a tedious, uncomfortable ritual undertaken in order to get from A to BE. A large portion of the blame for this depressing non-event can be laid at the airport, that warren-like combination of the shopping mall and the high-security prison, which is the focus in Britain for a tortured air-angst every summer.

Been to the airport lately? I think he's being kind.

Posted 10/10/2008 05:59:00 PM by Douglas

So the new Bond girl is/was polydactyly. This is the alarming part.

Being born with extra fingers - a condition known as polydactyly - affects one child in a thousand. Arterton had the most common form, where a small, soft digit, which does not contain a bone, can be see next to the little finger.

The doctor who delivered her tied off the extra fingers with sutures and they fell off, leaving just small scars.

The extra digits were tied until they fell off? If ever there was a case against socialized medicine, it's tying off body parts and waiting for them to fall off.

Posted 10/04/2008 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

Kind of silly, yet kind of funny:

Time for Some Campaignin' | Funny Jokes at JibJab

< Freud >McCain's riding a tank, Obama is riding a unicorn. Are they both projecting such phallic symbols because either one of them is going to be pounding us all in the butt for the next four years??? < /Freud >

Posted 10/03/2008 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

The Veep debate is over, and much to the consternation of the 70 million people that watched it, it wasn't a trainwreck. The kewpie doll didn't trip on her tongue and Biden didn't eat her, so it was really disappointing. But, to the surprise of absolutely no one, those that have drank the kool-aide over at National Review sat transfixed on their couches, trying to obfuscate their semi-flaccid, pubescent like erections. Rich Lowery explains.

Palin too projects through the screen like crazy. I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me." And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it.

Need a towel, Rich? Yuk.

Guess what, dumbass, I don't vote for smiles. Nor "change." I reserve that for bums with squeegies.

Posted 10/02/2008 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

Remember that hurricane we had a few weeks ago? Yeah, it ain't over here. They're still looking for the bodies.

Alligators loom over submerged cars. Mountains of debris are embedded in the ground. The bodies of cows, trucks and the remnants of homes lie in and out of the water. And unverified sightings of missing loved ones make the rounds.

More than 300 people are missing since Hurricane Ike hit the Texas coast last month, and the obstacles to finding them are frustrating family and friends who desperately want to know if their loved ones are dead or alive.

These family and friends want answers: Why are so many still missing? Why has the first organized search for bodies, to be held Thursday on the battered Bolivar Peninsula, taken so long.

Why has it taken so long? Because there's nothing left to find. Either they're buried in the sand or washed out into the Gulf. The list couldn't be more tragic. How many times are there two names on the list with the same last name that are both 60 years old or more? Just awful.