Posted 9/30/2003 11:45:00 AM by Douglas

Ten technologies that need to die. This guy is out of his freakin' mind, but then again, he's from The People's Republic of Austin:

• Nuclear Weapons
  
• Coal-Based Power
  
• The Internal-Combustion Engine
  
• Incandescent Light Bulbs
  
• Land Mines
  
• Manned Spaceflight
  
• Prisons
  
• Cosmetic Implants
  
• Lie Detectors
  
• DVDs
  

I haven't seen a Conestoga wagon in quite a long time, and there's a reason for that: There is a suitable replacement for them that makes a Conestoga wagon look like, well, a Conestoga Wagon. Just about everything, including technology, has drawbacks. (Newsflash: It's not a perfect world!)

It's easy to point out the shortcoming of the seemingly antiquated technology that makes our world run. It's quite another to invent, develop, and make widely available, a suitable replacement.

Nuclear Weapons. More bang for the buck. Sure there's lots of items in the "con" column, but we have the luxury of living in the most powerful nation on earth, and however ugly that may be, much of that power was brought about after WWII by having, and not using, the bomb. Let's not forget who let the fissionable cat out of the bag in the first place.

Coal-Based Power. It's dirty. Acid rain is bad. Would anyone argue that it's not? Imagine this country using 80% less electricity, because that's what we'd be forced to do without coal. Is there some lobbyist from "big coal" that's making everyone use all that electricity? I didn't think so. If there was better alternative, why wouldn't we already be using it?

The Internal-Combustion Engine. The thing about people bitching about stuff like the ICE that ticks me off is that they are always the ones taking advantage of their convenience. What's the alternative, 20,000 horses in downtown Austin crapping all over the place? And if I hear the phrase "they need to be replaced by hydrogen and fuel cells" again, I think I'm going to spit up. Where the hell do you think Hydrogen comes from? The Hydrogen you get from breaking down water or Methane is easily twice the energy you could use in an electric car or, you guessed it, an internal combustion engine! It's called Thermodynamics, people, and probably available at your local library.

Incandescent Light Bulbs. Actually, about 97% the energy fed to light bulbs goes to waste heat. Florescent bulbs are more efficient, but they suck for your eyes. If there's a better alternative out there, I'm sure we'd all love to hear about it.

Land mines. Again, they suck; who would argue that? But we have the luxury of not being really, really pissed off at someone that's trying to kill us. When someone's marching across a field to kill you, you'd appreciate a land mine or two. It sucks that they're so cheap and prevalent, but most of the world can't afford GPS-guided bombs.

Manned Spaceflight. Touchy subject. I think we've reached the limit of what we can learn in low-Earth Orbit, but this subject has many sides that I don't want to get into. In this case, I think it's easier to keep going than it is to stop. After all, the government totally supports AmTrack, and they're not nearly as cool.

Prisons. Wouldn't be nice if everyone did what they were supposed to? There's no joy in locking up humans like a rabid dogs. I wouldn't argue with the fact that prisons are filled with many non-violent offenders (a product of stupid drug laws), but if you want to let a double murderer/rapists out on the streets at the mercy of a radio anklet, how about we put him in your neighborhood?

Cosmetic Implants. This is just stupid. I don't care if the tissue is of human origin grown in a petri dish. This is just something you shouldn't mess with.

Lie Detectors. Lie detectors are known to be unreliable, and that's why they are inadmissible in a criminal trial. But more often than not, they are a tool used by police in an interrogation to get the suspect to say something they don't really want to say. They don't really detect lies. Did you hear the one about the guy that was being questioned in front of a copier? The cops put a piece of paper on it that said "You're lying" and told the guy it was a lie detector. Every time he said something fishy, the cop hit the copy button, and out came a piece of paper that said "You're lying". He cracked, and spilled his guts. That's how it works, and they's why it's usefull.

DVDs. I don't know about the piracy issue (since I don't know how to copy DVDs) but as far as durability? No, you can't scrub the sink with them or play catch with your dog, but they are certainly more durable than a VHS tape. My 10 year old CDs are in a lot better shape than my VHS copy of Raising Arizona.

Just like anything else, some technology is bad, and some is good, and sometimes even the good stuff creates as many problems as it solves. But that's the mark of really good technology: It makes its predecessor go away so fast you forgot it was even around. And these problems don't get solved by wishing them away. This article reminds me of The Simpson's episode when Ed Begley, Jr. had a car powered by his own sense of self worth.