Posted 3/09/2004 04:41:00 PM by Douglas

How to counterfeit money, if you're an idiot.

A Porterdale woman allegedly tried to pay for more than $1,600 in merchandise at the Covington Wal-Mart Friday with a $1 million bill.

According to an incident report filed Monday by Officer Allen Seebaran, 35-year-old Alice Regina Pike, 35 Hemlock St., was taken into custody on a charge of forgery after allegedly presenting the bill to a clerk at the store at 2:40 p.m. Pike, who was trying to purchase multiple items that totaled approximately $1,675, was reportedly unaware that the money was fake. The suspect told Seebaran that her husband had given the bill to her before he left town on a trip.

According to the report, when the clerk was handed the bogus bill, she called over store manager Marshall Hunt who immediately recognized the bill as a fake.

Apparently unfazed by the setback, Pike then allegedly tried to pay for the items with two Wal-Mart gift cards that had a combined total worth of $2.32. Still $1,598 short, Pike reportedly then asked Hunt if he could "cash the bill," which the manager quickly refused to do.

If you're going to jump the chasm and delve into counterfeiting, why stop with a Million dollar bill? Why no go all out and make a Kazillion, or a Bazillion-jazillion?

And why Wal-Mart? If you thought you had a Million dollars, or thought you could pass off a Million dollar bill, why wouldn't you go to the Ferrari dealer? Why blow $1,600 at Wal-Mart on diapers and Cheetos?

Sadly, there was a story I read a few years ago that claimed a fast food clerk called her manager because she thought the customer was trying to pass a counterfeit $2 bill-she'd never seen one before.

Update:The Smoking gun is there.