Posted 3/22/2004 06:43:00 PM by Douglas

If you've ever wanted to prehumously write your own obituary, with or without the split infinitive, you're going to have a hard time topping Louis J. Casimir Jr. [Thanks, Car Talk!]

LEWISBURG - Louis J. Casimir Jr. bought the farm Thursday, Feb. 5, 2004, having lived more than twice as long as he had expected and probably three or four times as long as he deserved.

Although he was born into an impecunious family, in a backward and benighted part of the country at the beginning of the Great Depression, he never in his life suffered any real hardships.

Many of his childhood friends who weren't killed or maimed in various wars became petty criminals, prostitutes, and/or Republicans.

He survived three years overseas in an infantry regiment in excellent health, then university for four years on the GI bill, and never thereafter had to do an honest day's work.

He was loved by good women, had loyal friends, and all his children were healthy, handsome and bright.

For more than six decades, he smoked, drank and ate lots of animal fat, but never had a serious illness or injury.

His last wish was that everyone could be as lucky as he had been, even through his demise was probably iatrogenic.

Lou was a daredevil: his last words were "Watch this!"

A memorial service and barbecue will be held on Labor Day at Lou's place.

Perfect. Rest in Peace, Louis. Car Talk said he was an English professor, which would explain why it was so well written.

Also, if anyone's offended that I looked up iatrogenic and/or impecunious, you obviously have better things to do than read this.