Posted 5/08/2004 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

Commencement communications gap, generation gap, or intelligence gap? Too close to call.

In other speeches, the "commencement communications gap" -- the exquisite absence of meaning that takes place between well-intentioned middle-aged speakers and slightly drowsy young graduates -- will take similar form. This spring, as images from Iraq lure older folk into historical analogies, the danger will be greater than ever.

Not that this is a new phenomenon, but it's just funny to think that college graduates now have never known a world without ubiquitous cell phones and think that Madonna wrote American Pie after she saw the movie. But what can be done?

Some wise heads believe the apt time to draw attention to the reference gap between academe's more-senior citizens and the 17-to-21 crew is September. For six years running, Beloit College's information office has been taking that task on its stooped shoulders, issuing a Mindset List of short items to alert faculty members to the telescoped life experience of their charges born in the mid-'80s. Observations from recent lists age you on contact:

• Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
• Banana Republic has always been a store, not a puppet government in Latin America.
• The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
• They do not have a clue how to use a typewriter.
• They've never heard, "Where's the beef?"
• Paul Newman has always made salad dressing.
• Michael Jackson has always been white.

So there is hope for the future. In 10 more years, kids won't think that Britney originated the phrase "oops, I did it again."