Posted 5/25/2004 08:30:00 PM by Douglas

WASHINGTON -- The Pentagon announced today following a cowardly attack on President Bush by Al-Queda sleeper cell agents that a massive counter attack that will affect much of the eastern United States.

"Newly released intelligence reports indicated that as many as one trillion of these Al-Queda operative have been inside the continental United States for almost two decades," said Undersecretary of Defense Douglas J. Feith. "The last known whereabouts of these agents was in 1987 when the secret service narrowly averted an attack on then President Reagan as he attended a Wham! concert."

At that time, the agents were believed to be Soviet, because, you know, that was who we were chasing then. Early reports revealed the agents trained with both Soviet and Mujahedin forces in Afghanistan and have been "underground" for the past 17 years, waiting for another Republican administration.

"This sort of unchecked aggression won't stand," said Vice President Cheney in a statement released from an undisclosed location. "The axis of evil [Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, and Feith] has been working around the clock at the Pentagon drafting "Operation Irony" which includes, but is not limited to, carpet bombing of the areas between Northern Alabama and Southern Michigan, from the Potomoc to the Mississippi.