Posted 6/08/2004 08:45:00 PM by Douglas

Why is it that there can't be a single accident in this country without someone proposing to enact some ignorant legislation to counteract the tragedy? [I link to the definition of accident because I'm firmly convinced that no one knows what the hell it means anymore]. Anyhoo, turns out the good folks in Indiana are yearning to fill the void formed by Matt Jennings in short haste.

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- Classmates of a 14-year-old boy who died last week in a skateboarding accident want a new law in his name requiring skateboarders to wear helmets.

The eighth graders at Batchelor Middle School have named the potential legislation "Matt's Law" for Matt Jennings, whose funeral was scheduled for today.

At what point do we as a society determine the extrapolation of such bullshit becomes too great to bear? I have a few hypothetical scenarios:

• It's the skateboard's fault! - naw, that's been done to death, plus skateboard makers have shitty insurance
• It's Wal-Mart's fault, because he was skating in their parking lot! - Nope, tried that one, too, and they put up signs that forced Matt to skate in the public street, and we all know the City of Bloomington has even shittier insurance
• It's their own fault, because they neglected their own pre-pubescent urges of video games, beer, and even chasing girls for a life of riding a piece of spray-painted pine with four wheels bolted underneath, and fell on their own ignorant heads.

Holy crap! That last option sounded like the voice of reason. Damn, I've got to stop drinking when I post. . .