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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Posted 7/20/2004 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

These have to be fake. There's no way these "Brutally Honest" personal ads can be this brutally honest and this damn funny. I didn't make it through all of them, but this is probably my favourite "woman seeking man" entry:
Well, I don't have syphilis. But my roots are gray, my breasts are shot, and my mother lives with me (late-stage Alzheimer's). I have two ex-husbands and a cat with three legs, and I've never in my life gotten to a single appointment on time. On the other hand, I'm tall and thin, saucy and smart.
Double-X husbands and an feline amputee? Where do I sign up?

Now, for the "man seeking woman" entry:
I am prone to exaggeration, which is both good and bad. For example, I will always tell you that you are prettier than I actually think you are, but I also tend to use words (like underemployed) that make me look prettier than I really am.
Funny stuff. I hope. But I really liked what he had to say about Trivial Pursuit:
I'm good at Trivial Pursuit. In fact, "trivial pursuit" would be a good way to classify my life to this point.
Amen to that, brother.

But if this approach to the personal ad doesn't work, why not try some Objectivist Pickup Lines!
"Okay, enough epistemology. How'd you like to grasp something a bit more physical?"
If that doesn't work on that crazy-assed Objectivist chick in your dorm that's half-way through The Fountainhead, nothing will.


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