Posted 10/15/2004 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Until late August of this year, I hadn't been on a commercial flight since before 9/11/01. I knew that the more stringent security measures in place were bordering on the absurd, but they weren't that bad, were they? Sometimes the line gets pretty long, but what are ya gonna do? Well, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has really raised the bar, and by raising the bar, I mean they threw up on it.

The government agency in charge of airport security spent nearly a half-million dollars on an awards ceremony at a lavish hotel, including $81,000 for plaques and $500 for cheese displays, according to an internal report obtained by The Associated Press.

Awards were presented to 543 Transportation Security Administration employees and 30 organizations, including a "lifetime achievement award" for one worker with the 2-year-old agency. Almost $200,000 was spent on travel and lodging for attendees.

Sorry for hitting on the obvious, but $500 for a cheese display? $500 for cheese?!? That's got to be some party. But besides the guys footing the bill (us) for this, who's really getting screwed here?

The report said lower-level employees were shortchanged, with a far lower percentage receiving bonuses.

Pardon my lack of compassion for "lower-level" employees, but who gives a fuck who was shortchanged? This is half a million dollars of our money spent on the TSA prom! Is it stupid that 81 grand was spent on plaques? Yes, but it wasn't more stupid because "lower-level employees were shortchanged" on the 81 grand plaques, was it?

Focus, people. You've got a necessary, yet totally thankless job. Just try not to be a total dick the next time I forget I've got fingernail clippers in my carry-on, OK? Is that too much to ask? Hell, I'll even bring you some cheese.