Posted 3/31/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

“Auntie, do you have a boy in mind?” Interesting look into the world of Indian arranged marriages and the hedonism of American "dating." And the headline asks a great question, " Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?" Probably not but considering that Americans chose the person that makes them miserable for the rest of their lives, how can we say it's worse? Do Indians take it that seriously?

At a recent dinner party, when I was trying to explain how single-minded Indian parents can be, my friend Jaidev jumped to the rescue. “Imagine you are on a safari in Africa with your parents,” he said. “A lion strolls by, and then perhaps a tiger. Your mother turns to you and says, ‘Son, when are you getting married? You have a girl in mind? What are your intentions?’”

Ouch. But I guess getting married to someone you just met might have its drawback. (or maybe not. . . )

My father saw my mother once before they got married. He loves to shock Americans by recounting how he lost sight of her at a bazaar the day after their wedding and lamented to himself that he would never find her again, as he’d forgotten what she looked like. So while we, as modern Indian women, eschew the idea of marrying without love, the idea that we’re being too picky tends to nag even more than it otherwise would.

I'm sure there's a downside I'm not imagining right now. . . Also, there are always exceptions to your parent's ridiculously high standards:

Still rather prejudiced against meat-eaters, my father immediately discards responses from those with a “non-veg” diet. There is, however, a special loophole for meat-eaters who earn more than $200,000.

$200K buys a lot of steak. And curry.

And for some reason, I found this line particularly interesting:

Like most Indians of their generation, my parents believe there are only two legitimate professions: doctor and engineer (not medicine and engineering, but doctor and engineer).

Now why is that?

The Femi-Nazis of America go from placid to a full four-foot hover when they hear about "arranged marriages" but really, it could be worse. Divorce rate is 50% in America, and we have the conceit to say that an arranged marriage is wrong? At least it's arranged by the cool heads of the parents, and not by Scotch and soda. The parents arranging a marriage know what things are fleeting and what are important. Sure, he may be cute now, but if she shoots him for leaving the seat up for the 30,000th time, it's not really gonna work out, is it? The older generation have the wisdom of their years, and if it finds a way into the matrimonial selection of their children, I don't see the harm.

That being said, I never got my dowry.