Posted 5/28/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

P.J. O'Rourke can be funny, when he has to, and I think he may be on to something here with his idea of progressive taxation.

What is the least damaging way to tax the media and entertainment industry? The first response that comes to mind is "Who cares?"

And as that great Republican think tank, the Bible, puts it, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose" . . . the next election. An indirect tax is best, being proportional in its effects and producing "flat tax" outcomes. I propose a tax on raw materials.

You know what would make this even funnier? If you could be sure that he was joking.

Actually the resource upon which the media and entertainment industry depends is not fame but its toxic run-off, celebrity. America has vast proven reserves. I bought the May 23 issue of a magazine devoted to vulgar public notice. Its contents suggest that Sartre was ever so slightly misquoted on the nature of perdition: Hell is People. What have I ever done to deserve being exposed to Paris Hilton's Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, wearing four designer outfits? This was in a photo spread titled "Dogs Are Children Too!" Also featured was Tori Spelling's pug dressed as Little Orphan Annie and a quote from Oprah Winfrey about her cocker spaniel, Sophie: "I have a daughter."

Why the hell does Paris Hilton still have a job, and what the hell, exactly, is her job? Every time she does an appearance, she owes the standard $10,000 annoying tax. [$15,000 if her dog is dressed up.]

I suggest, therefore, a Celebrity Tax with a low-end base rate of, mmm, 100 percent. Furthermore, let's make the tax progressive to get some Democrats on board. (Probably not including Hillary, Ted, and Barney Frank. They'll be working nights and weekends to pay up.) Given the modest talent of current celebrities and the immodest example they set for impressionable youth, we'll call it a "Value Subtracted Tax," or, better, a "Family Value Subtracted Tax." And it will be calculated on the celebrity's net worth.

Family Value Subtracted Tax. Perfect. If only we could get Bill O'Reilly, Al Franken, Sean Hannity and Michael Moore to become subject to this tax, I think we could actually be on to something.

People (and by "people" I mean contestants on American Idol) are willing to invest all that they have in the faint hope they'll receive a fleeting and worthless moment as the center of attention for an audience of bored idiots. (If you doubt me, compel yourself to watch an episode, regrettably available on DVD and video, of Jackass.) Tax the media and entertainment industry at a million percent and it will continue to produce a surplus of celebrities with Stakhanovite labor heroism.

Boy, he's nailed the American Idol contestants right on the nose, didn't he? And I can't be mad at anyone that uses the Stakhanovite term in an article, but only because I know what it means.

Labels: P.J. O'Rourke