Posted 11/02/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

Since there's nothing else going on in Iraq, the Senate, the Supreme Court, or anywhere else in the world, CNN finally has time to hit the real stories. Like what's in G'dumb's pockets.

President Bush may be burdened with the world's problems, but his pockets are pretty light.

It turns out the leader of the free world doesn't have to worry about carrying all the essentials of the common man.

Bush revealed the contents of his pockets Tuesday to an Argentine newspaper reporter who was interviewing him in advance of a presidential trip to Latin America later this week.

When the reporter from La Nacion asked Bush to show him what he carries, the president stood up, fished in his pockets, then dramatically pulled his hands out holding nothing but a white handkerchief that he waved playfully in the air.

"Es todo," Bush told the Spanish-speaking reporter, meaning the handkerchief was all. "No dinero, no mas. No wallet."

And that got me thinking. What else isn't in his pockets? A list:

• Half a roll of Certz
• A Der Wienerschnitzel coupon for 75¢ off his next chili-dog
• A clue
• A half pack of Lucky's with a book of matches from a titty-bar
• Keys to the presidential Harley
• A scrap of paper with a barely legible phone number along with the name "Tammi." (Tammi, of course with the "i" dotted with a heart)
• A baseball autographed by Sammy Sosa
• Karl Rove's soul
• A warm Gummi Bear
• A horseshoe
• A handful of taffy
• Al Gore's Lock-box
• Jenna's latest arrest record
• Conservatism
• A 'frequent shopper' card that's one punch away from a free limo-sized carwash in Georgetown
• A carrot (he's just really happy to see you)

I should really get out more.