Posted 1/12/2006 05:08:00 PM by Douglas

They came for our driver's licenses after drinking one beer, and we did nothing. They came for our ability to ride in a car with an open beer while the driver wasn't drinking, and still, we were silent. But the day they take away our cold beer is the day there is blood in the streets.

A state senator wants to force Missouri stores to sell warm beer. Under a bill by Sen. Bill Alter, grocery and convenience stores would risk losing their liquor licenses if they sold beer colder than 60 degrees. The intent is to cut down on drunken driving by making it less tempting to pop open a beer after leaving the store.

The only reason why beer would need to be cold is so that it can be consumed right away," Alter, who has been a police offer for more than 20 years, said Thursday.

He said the idea came from a fifth-grade student in Jefferson County who was participating in a program to teach elementary students about state government. He sought their suggestions for new laws and chose the cold beer ban from a list of the top three ideas.

Is this funny, or sad? Funny if it came from The Onion, but sad since it came from an actual elected legislator. Fifth-grade students are the brain children (no pun) for new legislation in Missouri? Are they really that dumb?

The first thing that came to my mind after reading this was how in the hell could it possibly be enforced? Would the Missouri Alcoholic Beverage Commission roam the streets with thermometers, making sure everyone with a license to sell beer kept it above 60ºF? What about the highway patrol? Would they whip out the thermometer and write you up and give you a ticket if you were sober as church, yet your sealed beer was 58ºF? Sadly, the answer is: Probably. But you know what they say: Missouri loves company.