Posted 1/15/2006 03:46:00 PM by Douglas

When you've given up on perfection (wherever that is), you can always set your sights on suburbia:

The point is, there's nothing new about attacking the suburbs. A quick look at their history shows us that their image as a conformist prison is as old as the suburbs themselves.

Perhaps the only dirty little secret left to tell about life in suburbia is that, despite what you've heard from books, movies and television, it isn't really all that bad.

Quick, burn this story. One of the greatest status-quo ideas of the intelligentsia in the last generation is that all suburbanites are brain-dead drones that hate their spouses and jobs and can only fill the vacuous chasms of their psyche by simultaneously coveting sex with their babysitter or buying an even bigger, shinier SUV than the one that occupies the neighbor's driveway. I call bullshit. If urban (or rural, for that matter) dwellers were exponentially happier/fulfilled, then why are they leaving in droves?

For many North Americans, however, suburbia is seen as exactly the opposite. Filmmakers and authors, punk bands and folk singers have all attacked suburbia as a center of mindless consumption and stifling social conformity. The suburbs may represent the "American dream," they argue, but that dream is perverted and corrupt.

Ah yes. Who could eschew the wisdom of filmmakers, authors, punk bands and folk singers when tasked with venturing out into this vast world and finding happiness for oneself? Why the hell would I live in the 'burbs when Greenday says it's lame?

The suburb is a victim of its own success, and thus the target of ridicule which can be likened to Radley Balko's Tyranny of Mustard. To say that every suburbanite is morose in their surroundings is about as ridiculous as saying that everyone in urban settings are either crack-heads or afraid to leave their home; that dog just don't hunt. Now I'm going to go have a drink on the porch and think about how miserable I'd realize I am if I just weren't so durn stupid.