Posted 2/01/2006 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Longtime readers [yes, I'm talking to both of you] know that I'm not a big fan of soccer, or what the rest of the socialist world calls "football", or "fútbol", or "fútböll" or whatever the hell they call it. To the people that have tried to explain to me how a 90 minute, 1-0 game could possibly be entertaining, much less exciting, I'd like to present what I find most disgusting with this so-called "sport": the Fun-Fair-Positive Soccer league. From their "about" section:

FFPS uses unique rules and training to ensure everyone has fun and success. The FFPS equal substitution system ensures equal playing time in every position, balanced teams ensures fairness, everyone receives an award, and coaches and parents are taught positive methods to help build self-esteem. No parent nor is FFPS allowed to keep scores or standings. Only the kids. We do not want undue pressure put on the kids to perform but allow them to have FUN!!

Ah yes, a sport with no score. Guess what, when there are no losers, there are also no winners. It's kinda bound by one of those definition things. So why bother? The low-scoring pointless running of high-school, college, or even professional soccer got too competitive for the under 10 set? Why not just extrapolate this all the way up to Major League Soccer (sorry, I just can't say those three words in sequence without laughing)? Give everyone a trophy! Everyone's mom goes home happy, and everyone gets McDonald's on the way! Super!

Anyone curious as to why we're churning out a generation of complete pussies, please refer to any of the above links.