Posted 3/27/2006 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

Larry the cable guy has a movie. David isn't happy about Larry Gitn' it done. Kind of a funny read, but still, it sounds like someone making fun of a retarded person. Keep in mind that Larry showed up in the list of 2005's most loathsome people. Why?

48. Larry the Cable Guy

Charges:The absolute nadir of the American South’s baffling cultural hegemony. A middle-class Nebraskan, raised in Palm Beach, whose parents sent him to private school, masquerading as an Appalachian mutant and making millions off the nine-toed cyclopes in his audience by calling his material "blue collar," when it’s really just a celebration of proud ignorance. The latest in a long line of "entertainers" propagating the lie that real talent is elitist. The South has risen again—just long enough to grab the rest of the nation by the legs and pull it back down to its Lovecraftian depths. Isn’t even "bad funny." Makes Jeff Foxworthy look like Chris Rock.

Exhibit A: Ostensibly humorous catchphrase translates into "complete the task."

Sentence: Sent back in time for the sole purpose of having Mark Twain’s cigars extinguished on his face.

Don't forget to catch Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector in a theater near you! Personally, I'd rather get smacked in the face with a tack hammer. Or even better? Mark Twain's cigar.