Posted 7/27/2006 05:52:00 PM by Douglas

San Antonio, y'all. Time to get your freak on.

In the midst of attempts to crack down on raunchy and rowdy behavior during traditional summertime tubing river trips through this city, a San Antonio topless club is planning a tubing excursion featuring strippers.

Trey Maddox, a manager at Palace Men's Club, said Sunday's excursion _ during which men can pay $25 to join the strippers _ isn't meant to fly in the face of the city's new rules.

"We're not hookers, dope dealers or Mafia thugs," he said, noting that the strippers will be appropriately dressed. "We're just coming to have a good time."

Like guys on this trip will drink, pee, or curse more in/on the river than your average tuber. There are several hilarious aspects about this. First off, strippers don't look good in daylight. Why do you think it's dark in there? They're not pretty: that's why they're naked to compensate. Secondly, every time I've tubed the Guadalupe, it's taken several hours. Who the hell would want to spend that kind of time with a stripper? There is a finite number of times she can tell you about her boyfriend beating her, her son's 2nd grade teacher, or her coke dealer. Sometimes she just needs to leave, and to extrapolate Chris Rock's brilliance about the champagne room, there is none on an inner tube, either. But this story hasn't gone full bore crazy yet. City Councilman, bring it home:

"I'm really disappointed that this is going to occur on Sunday when people should be in church," he said. "I hope they behave themselves and keep their clothes on, but I'm not sure they will because strippers are trained to take off their clothes."

Oh good lord, you're not that stupid, are you? Men are paying money to float down a river under the guise that they'll see some woman's naked boobie in public and your biggest qualm is that it is going to take place on a Sunday? So if this were Tuesday afternoon, it would be OK? What an idiot.

San Antonio, you're on notice.