Posted 8/16/2006 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

There are eight planets in our solar system, ok? Pluto doesn't even come close. So it's a joke to think that we're going to upgrade Pluto's "moon" Charon to planet status. We should downgrade Pluto to "orbital turd" status. Yet, some do-gooding nerdlingers think otherwise.

As part of its decision, the panel also affirmed that Pluto, its planetary status under increasing fire in recent years, should remain a member of the club.

If approved, the new additions would be: Ceres, the largest object in the asteroid belt that orbits the sun between Mars and Jupiter; Charon, once considered Pluto's moon but now described as its companion in a "double planet" system; and 2003 UB313, an as-yet-unnamed, larger-than-Pluto object far beyond the orbit of all the other planets.

Bah. What a joke. Here's why there are, and will only be, eight planets in our solar system:

• The four inner, or Terrestrial planets and the four outer, or Jovian planets all share common traits that are not common to Pluto and her bastard sister, Charon.
• The other eight planets share the same orbital plane. Pluto's orbit is tilted 17º above the plane of the ecliptic.
• Pluto's orbit is so eccentric, it's actually closer to the sun than the last real planet, Neptune, for some of its orbit.
• Pluto is only two thirds the size of our moon. Is the moon a planet, with a wacky, spirographic orbit?
• I just made up the word spirographic

The universe needs order. If we can't classify like planets together in a logical manner, then chaos will rule the day, there will be no order in the galaxy, the Sith will take over and anything orbiting the sun larger than a Folger's can will receive planetary status. I stand firmly athwart this planetary madness shouting "There are but eight planets!!!!

Labels: Pluto