Posted 2/06/2007 04:24:00 PM by Douglas

Don't be fooled by the title, this guy really hates Macs.

They then perform a small comic vignette aimed at highlighting the differences between the two computers. So in one, the PC has a "nasty virus" that makes him sneeze like a plague victim; in another, he keeps freezing up and having to reboot. This is a subtle way of saying PCs are unreliable. Mitchell, incidentally, is wearing a nerdy, conservative suit throughout, while Webb is dressed in laid-back contemporary casual wear. This is a subtle way of saying Macs are cool.

Those are very annoying, and maybe true 10 years ago, but Mac possesses no such advantage today. Even in areas that could even possibly toss Mac an advantage, you've got to offset that with a pricetag easily three times that of a comparable Windows machine. Yeah, what's with this PC bullshit? Personal Computer? I've always hated that misnomer. A Mac is a Personal Computer, is it not? Why not call them "Mac and IBM" in the stupid commercials?

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

Back in the dark ages of DOS, Macs were everyone's best friend. Everyone except translucent-skinned troglodytes that only left their parent's basement at night to traverse the landscape to their other subterranean lair of the computer lab, possibly to print out ASCII pr0n. These people were fluent in the mystic gnosticism of DOS and openly mocked your lack of understanding. They spoke in C prompts or binary and didn't need a GUI to edit source code. Those days are long gone. Mac won the battle of user friendly GUIs, but lost the war so graphically it would make Carthage look like Tampa. But I suppose iPods have infused Mac with fresh capital, so they're making another run at Windows. Good for them:

Cue 10 years of nasal bleating from Mac-likers who profess to like Macs not because they are fashionable, but because "they are just better". Mac owners often sneer that kind of defence back at you when you mock their silly, posturing contraptions, because in doing so, you have inadvertently put your finger on the dark fear haunting their feeble, quivering soul - that in some sense, they are a superficial semi-person assembled from packaging; an infinitely sad, second-rate replicant who doesn't really know what they are doing here, but feels vaguely significant and creative each time they gaze at their sleek designer machine. And the more deftly constructed and wittily argued their defence, the more terrified and wounded they secretly are.

Aside from crowing about sartorial differences, the adverts also make a big deal about PCs being associated with "work stuff" (Boo! Offices! Boo!), as opposed to Macs, which are apparently better at "fun stuff". How insecure is that? And how inaccurate? Better at "fun stuff", my arse. The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye.

Mac initially won out with people that wanted to actually use their computers instead of jacking around in the command shell. Windows won in the end because people would rather use their computers for a third of the cost, instead of convincing people how goddamned trendy they are.

Labels: Mac