enthalpy

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Keeping with their staunch march to obscurity, this time it's Newsweek. While thumbing through this week's dead-tree edition, I anxiously turn to check out the cover story: are there really aliens? I couldn't wait. So imagine my disappointment when I get to the back of the magazine (they always bury the lede) and find that this piece of hard-hitting journalism is in list form. Great! They're now bringing annoying formats previously reserved for their short attention span internet addicted readers to print form! That should save the industry!

But if you keep clicking through this fun, fact-filled frolic into journalistic frivolity, you come up on this little jewel, I mean turd. Literally.
Deep down, Americans have always known that wiping their rears with dry paper is ineffective; a classic survey showed that half of TP users spend their days with "fecal contamination"—anything from "wasp-colored" stains to "frank massive feces"—in their underpants.
Super! We're not wiping our asses correctly. Thanks Newsweek! I think I'm going to renew my subscription for this priceless information right now!

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