Posted 3/12/2011 07:57:00 PM by Douglas

I've got a better idea when it comes to splitting the check at a restaurant. Don't go out to eat with a bunch of assholes.

Did you not drink as much as everyone else? Was your pasta entree half as expensive as the steak? Did you not get dessert? I'm sorry, but no one told you to be a teetotaler, or to not get the steak, or to not get dessert, you pussy. When you agreed to go out to dinner with your friends, you implicitly agreed to the following social contract: “I, (your name), hereby agree that when the bill comes, I will pay my share of the bill, calculated as follows: Total cost divided by # of people, regardless of who got what and how many. I further agree not to publicly complain about this methodology, even if I get a little screwed, because there will be times in the future when what I end up paying is considerably less than the dollar value of what I eat/drank. It evens out over time. Sincerely, (your signature).” Granted, there are obvious exceptions—e.g., you showed up late and really did only order a glass of wine—when no one would expect you to pay a full share, yet even in these cases it's generally polite to throw in some cash.

So you go out with your "friends" and you try to outdo each other so you can stick someone else for paying for something you ate and they didn't. You're an asshole.