Posted 2/10/2005 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

Just when I thought the death by enema story couldn't get any stranger, I stand corrected.

A Lake Jackson widow denied Wednesday that she provided the alcohol that led to her husband's death from a sherry enema.

Tammy Jean Warner said her husband, Michael Warner, 58, not only had a longtime alcohol problem but had been addicted to enemas since he was a child.

And how, exactly, does that happen? I'll just hit the high points of this story as I try to pick up my jaw off my desk.

"It all started back when he was a child," Warner said. "His mother used to give him enemas all the time, and he started to depend on them all the time."

She said he paid $1,000 to study colonics at a school and corresponded with other enema users on the Internet. Not all of his enemas involved liquor, she said.

"He did coffee enemas, he did Castile soap, Ivory soap," she said. "He had enema recipes."

Now there's a cookbook I don't want to read.

"My husband told me he loved me more than anything in the world except for God," she said. "I'm not ashamed of my husband because I loved him, and I supported him 1,000 percent, whatever he wanted to do. That's the way he went out, and I'm sure that's the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas."

Warner said that when she woke up the morning of May 21, she had no idea her husband, who had his arm around her in bed, was dead.

Waking up with your spouse's dead arm laying on you is creepy enough. Add on top of that the alcohol poisoning and the tube hanging out of his ass, and you've got the makings of the nastiest Lifetime movie ever to spew forth from some Hollywood hack's Powerbook.

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