Posted 4/15/2007 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Where the hell have all the bees gone? [here, too.]

In 24 U.S. states, beekeepers have gone through similar shocks: their bees have been disappearing inexplicably at an alarming rate, threatening the production of numerous crops, including California almonds, one of the most profitable crops.

"I have never seen anything like it," Bradshaw, 50, said last week from an almond orchard that was beginning to bloom. "Box after box after box are just empty. There's nobody home."

I know! They're at a pro-union/Barak Obama rally in Poughkeepsie! Well, did anyone even check?

Researchers have dubbed the syndrome the "colony collapse disorder." They say the bees presumably are dying in the fields, perhaps becoming exhausted or disoriented and eventually dying from exposure to the cold.

Or, it could just be that the bees are stressed out.

Stressed out? Bees don't have a day job after they collect pollen. They don't pay tax and they don't have to run the dial on the tube when they get back to the hive to find only American Idol and Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader.

Last week about 20 worried beekeepers convened in Florida to brainstorm with researchers about how to cope with the loss of bees. Investigators are collecting samples and exploring a range of theories for the colony collapses, including viruses, a fungus and poor bee nutrition.

I'm sure there are a lot of theories (Al Gore, please tell me your global warming hotline has lit up because of this!) but is there another corner of convenient society we could blame this one? Of course there is.

They are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

OK, fine. Now my phone is destroying the planet. Somehow I'm ok with that. My phone is much more useful to me than that plastic bear full of honey, anyway.

Seriously, if they're that important to our food supply, I think it's about time those commie bees form their own union. But I'm afraid that some scab mosquitoes will do the pollinating in their absence. Those fuckers will work for anyone.

Labels: Bees