Posted 6/28/2008 02:39:00 PM by Douglas

Fuel prices are through the roof, acreage of farmland previously used to grow wheat and soy are now sowed in a corn-based ethanol clusterfuck, and the corn that was used to make everything else we eat, from Coke to beef, is now being sent to the distillery. But what's to blame for increasing food prices? You guessed it, lazy, lazy bees.

Food prices could rise even more unless the mysterious decline in honey bees is solved, farmers and businessmen told lawmakers Thursday.

"No bees, no crops," North Carolina grower Robert D. Edwards told a House Agriculture subcommittee. Edwards said he had to cut his cucumber acreage in half because of the lack of bees available to rent.

Business opportunity: Rent-a-bee!

In 2006, beekeepers began reporting losing 30 percent to 90 percent of their hives. This phenomenon has become known as Colony Collapse Disorder. Scientists do not know how many bees have died; beekeepers have lost 36 percent of their managed colonies this year. It was 31 percent for 2007, said Edward B. Knipling, administrator of the Agriculture Department's Agricultural Research Service.

Colony Collapse Disorder?!? Holy Crap, I didn't know the government had a name for it already. Now that CCD has a name, I'm sure they'll figure out a solution long before the food riots.

Labels: Bees

Posted 4/17/2007 04:34:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out that annoying idiot at the grocery store having an inane conversation about baseball isn't responsible for the mysterious bee disappearance.

Toxins in the environment could be causing honeybee populations to dwindle in New Brunswick, Ontario and the northeastern states, an American researcher says.

Beekeepers in the New Brunswick region are reporting an 80 per cent decline in hive population. Insects have been leaving their hives and not returning.

The cause of the problem is still unknown, but researchers at the University of Illinois think they may be on track to linking the bee losses with increased pesticide use.

May Berenbaum, head of the entomology department at the university, said chemicals may be causing bees to forget the way home.

They get lost on their way home? Maybe they're just drunk? Happens to me all the time.

Labels: Bees

Posted 4/15/2007 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Where the hell have all the bees gone? [here, too.]

In 24 U.S. states, beekeepers have gone through similar shocks: their bees have been disappearing inexplicably at an alarming rate, threatening the production of numerous crops, including California almonds, one of the most profitable crops.

"I have never seen anything like it," Bradshaw, 50, said last week from an almond orchard that was beginning to bloom. "Box after box after box are just empty. There's nobody home."

I know! They're at a pro-union/Barak Obama rally in Poughkeepsie! Well, did anyone even check?

Researchers have dubbed the syndrome the "colony collapse disorder." They say the bees presumably are dying in the fields, perhaps becoming exhausted or disoriented and eventually dying from exposure to the cold.

Or, it could just be that the bees are stressed out.

Stressed out? Bees don't have a day job after they collect pollen. They don't pay tax and they don't have to run the dial on the tube when they get back to the hive to find only American Idol and Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader.

Last week about 20 worried beekeepers convened in Florida to brainstorm with researchers about how to cope with the loss of bees. Investigators are collecting samples and exploring a range of theories for the colony collapses, including viruses, a fungus and poor bee nutrition.

I'm sure there are a lot of theories (Al Gore, please tell me your global warming hotline has lit up because of this!) but is there another corner of convenient society we could blame this one? Of course there is.

They are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

OK, fine. Now my phone is destroying the planet. Somehow I'm ok with that. My phone is much more useful to me than that plastic bear full of honey, anyway.

Seriously, if they're that important to our food supply, I think it's about time those commie bees form their own union. But I'm afraid that some scab mosquitoes will do the pollinating in their absence. Those fuckers will work for anyone.

Labels: Bees