Posted 7/31/2007 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Time for this year's Bulwer-Lytton award. Meh.

Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them ’permanently’ meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee.

I think this is going to be a really short novel.

Labels: Bulwer-Lytton

Posted 7/28/2005 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

It was a dark and stormy night.

As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest continues, unabated. Funny stuff.

Labels: Bulwer-Lytton

Posted 7/20/2004 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

I personally don't think "it was a dark and stormy night" is such a horrible way to start a story, but I still can appreciate the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for what it's worth. For 2004, we have a winner! Inspired by Martha Stewart, no less!

"She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight ... summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail ... though the term 'love affair' now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism ... not unlike 'sand vein,' which is after all an intestine, not a vein ... and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand ... and that brought her back to Ramon."

Boy, that's a keeper. Gotta love this quote from the event's organizer:

"Sometimes the entrants are more clever than the judges," he said. "Those people generally lose."

Rule numero uno: Don't be smarter than the judge.

Labels: Bulwer-Lytton