Posted 6/29/2003 03:45:00 PM by Douglas

In case the crossbow didn't do the trick and your cat won't get off your computer, try this. It can tell the difference between human typing and cat typing. How long before cats get wise to this?

Posted 6/29/2003 03:43:00 PM by Douglas

What would posses someone to shoot a cat in the head with an arrow? I can't believe it's going to live.

Posted 6/25/2003 08:08:00 AM by Douglas

Jewel was first, now it seems that Liz Phair has become a hoochie to sell records.

Posted 6/23/2003 03:48:00 PM by Douglas

The Washington Post running a story about an Amarillo Steakhouse. What on earth for? It does make me hungry for a steak, though, and not a 72 oz. roast.

Posted 6/23/2003 03:01:00 PM by Douglas

The Supremes, and all their wisdom and glory, decided on affirmative action in Michigan

But it also said that race cannot be the determining factor.[emphasis added]

This makes less than no sense. So, race can be a factor, but not a determining factor? Well what other kinds of factors are there?

That's like saying you lost the baseball game because the other team scored a run in the 4th inning, but not the home run in the 8th.

Posted 6/22/2003 06:05:00 PM by Douglas

Does this sound like the beginning of a homoerotic novella, or a day in the life of the Aggie Corps?

A cascade of more than 300 others followed, as ax handles slapped against 27 backsides in the Parsons Mounted Cavalry hay barn.

Too close to call if you asked me.

The testimony threatens to paint an embarrassing portrait of the university.

Really? How could it be any more embarrassing that what they normally do? Any group of people that gets off on standing in the middle of a field and yelling for 90 minutes obviously doesn't have too much hidden pride. But this is the clincher:

"The fact is, A&M is an institution that publicly punishes what it has privately condoned for decades," said Brandon Baade, lawyer for Barrett Breedlove, one of the six juniors suing the school. "These students are being made into sacrificial lambs for the liberalization of A&M."

When you can't go after a specific person, go after The Liberals! Look, if you want to go to A&M and have your ass swatted in a group of guys all wearing the same clothes and the same haircut, I say let 'em. Just don't call a lawyer when the guy wearing the black leather mask makes your bottom too pink.

Posted 6/20/2003 10:33:00 AM by Douglas

Hats off to Minnesota, for taking a stand against stadium bleachers. . . The silent killer. I hope they do enact this on a federal level, and call it "Adam's law" or something equally asinine.

"One of the worst things about Adam's accident is that it could have been avoided," Kavanaugh said in a news release. "In order to protect the welfare of New Jersey's children, we must act now to ensure that bleachers throughout our state are safe."

Passing legislation that will ultimately cost the public millions of dollars is much easier than say, oh I don't know, watching your freakin' kids!

Just imagine: A country of almost 300 Million people, and 10 have died in the last 20 years from such a menacing threat. Something must be done. This nation can't endure the loss of the 0.00000003% of the population that don't understand how gravity works.

Posted 6/20/2003 08:06:00 AM by Douglas

Crime on the mean streets of League City. I know there was a scene from Johnny Dangerously where someone tries to steal a dog from a pet store, but wasn't there a similar scene in Take the Money and Run?

I'm relieved that League City's finest were able to get to the bottom of the event, and the terrier was unharmed during the heist.

Posted 6/20/2003 06:50:00 AM by Douglas

In India, it's OK for a girl to marry a dog. Two questions: What is the evil spell that this breaks, and what did they do on the honeymoon?

Posted 6/20/2003 06:47:00 AM by Douglas

Ahh, the Olsen Twins: Counting down. 359 days to go.

Posted 6/19/2003 08:13:00 AM by Douglas

It's good to see the police in Naples, Florida, focusing on the tough issues that plague that city. Public enemy number 1? Six year olds and their lemonade stands. Ok, so they were "just doing their jobs," but are they totally incapable of exercising any judgment? What were they going to do if the kid refused to cease and desist? Haul her to jail? Sad to say, but the answer to that question isn't obviously no.

Posted 6/18/2003 10:49:00 AM by Douglas

This has got to be true. The thinly veiled conspiracy theory is so apparent, you'd have to be a fool not to see it. Of course this guy isn't just a klutz that choked on a pretzel. He's really out to protect the oil industry.

"But maybe Bush wanted to fall. Maybe he understands in a way few do that society is on the verge of a debate that could mold the future of transportation. . .

And if the future veers toward little two-wheeled electric-powered personal transporters, where does that leave ExxonMobil and Halliburton and the rest of the oil industry President Bush adores?

These people actually think that electricity comes out of the wall socket without any pollution or other drawbacks. Take a look at what the D.O.E. says where electricity comes from. About 30% comes from oil and gas! Factor in to that the other fossil fuel, coal, and that number goes to 70%. Let's not forget that you get less energy in the conversion of the fossil fuel to electricity, so you actually need more fossil fuels to generate the electricity for the segway than you would if the thing burned natural gas or gasoline.

So this isn't showing a carefully played media event to further his own big-business interests. All this articles shows is the ignorance and bias of a writer at USA Today.

Posted 6/18/2003 08:51:00 AM by Douglas

Orin Hatch has lost his freakin' mind. Since when has the deliberate destruction of private property been a suitable alternative to the violation of copyright law?

"I'm interested," Hatch interrupted. He said damaging someone's computer "may be the only way you can teach somebody about copyrights."
"If we can find some way to do this without destroying their machines, we'd be interested in hearing about that," Hatch said. "If that's the only way, then I'm all for destroying their machines. If you have a few hundred thousand of those, I think people would realize" the seriousness of their actions, he said.

What a novel idea! Next we can have onboard computers that will damage your piston rings when you exceed posted speed limits, or exploding VCRs that self destruct when you copy a tape. But Instapundit has the best idea:

In the spirit of the Framers, I'm tempted to endorse a more traditional remedy: twice warning a politician about threatening people's rights and property, and then running him out of town on a rail.

That's one, Orrin.

The Onion had a piece a while back about how the RIAA was going to sue the radio stations for "illegally distributing copyrighted material all over the country." Doesn't sound that unreasonable now, does it?

Labels: RIAA

Posted 6/17/2003 07:52:00 AM by Douglas

I think it's odd that "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day" appeared at the bottom of this rant on the Internet by Bill O'Reilly. I think that "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day" would make an excellent title for this piece.

"The reason these net people get away with all kinds of stuff is that they work for no one. They put stuff up with no restraints. This, of course, is dangerous, but it symbolizes what the Internet is becoming."

Is he bothered that people are posting whatever they feel like, or because they don't work for anyone? It sounds like he's just pissed off because someone might be saying something he doesn't agree with.

Posted 6/16/2003 06:48:00 AM by Douglas

California Man Wins Plane Toilet Ice Lawsuit.

Blue Ice? Now that's what I call an ICBM.

Posted 6/15/2003 12:24:00 AM by Douglas

If the Hatfields and McCoys can sign a truce, is peace in the middle east that far away? Oh yeah, it is.

Posted 6/14/2003 12:39:00 PM by Douglas

Problems with the Texas No-Call list? Who'd of thunk it. [Here's a link from the Austin American Statesman] Almost a million people signed up for this nonsense, and there are 4 people working to rectify the almost 4,000 complaints. I just can't imagine why people would be so gullible to give $2 and think they are going to stop unwanted phone calls.

"It's much the same if you see a posted speed limit. That doesn't automatically mean people are going to drive at the speed limit. Drivers will often drive above it," said Terry Hadley, PUC spokesman. "Telemarketers -- there's a list out there, but that doesn't mean they are going to honor that list."

Well, duh. What could possibly give you the impression that a company that makes money by bothering people wouldn't honor a law that's set up to destroy their business? But this really gets to the root of the problem:

"It's very frustrating," the Houston woman said. "I don't have time to answer phone calls that I didn't ask for."

Hey, here's a thought? Don't! Caller ID would eliminate 99% of this, but have these people never heard of answering machines?

And who "asks" for a phone call, anyway? It rings, you answer it. Turn down the ringer and get on with your lives.

Posted 6/14/2003 12:02:00 AM by Douglas

100 Words Every High School Graduate Should Know. Man, what a joke. I have to admit, I've never heard of abstemious, and I'd never heard of bellicose 6 months ago, but the other 8 I would have expected at 8th grader to know. What gives? Oh yeah, kids are dumb now. That's the "style at the time."

Posted 6/13/2003 09:33:00 PM by Douglas

Waffle House funeral: What else can you say?

Clark's jacket was slung over his favorite chair, and black coffee, milk and cigarettes sat side by side on the counter, the way he always placed them.

I can't imagine what killed him: Daily dose of Waffle House food, or smoking.

I can't top the Fark headline:

Employees turn Waffle House into memorial for regular customer who died. Ashes were scattered, smothered, and covered in favorite parking spot.

Posted 6/12/2003 09:15:00 PM by Douglas

So the Mint is looking at the $2 bill again. Ok, here's a plan that makes sense: Get rid of the penny, get a dollar coin that people want to use, and push the $2 bill. And for God's sake, stop the insanity with the quarters that are only being made so people will hoard them. The purpose of the United States Mint shouldn't be to make money that people won't spend (thus creating money that people won't spend)

Labels: seigniorage

Posted 6/12/2003 06:47:00 AM by Douglas

Something about this makes me laugh. Can't you just see Abraham Lincoln hitting Ctrl Alt Del when he locks up his machine?

Posted 6/09/2003 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

Survivor Gals Strip for Playboy. Not a big surprise, really, but it's the last sentence in this story that's funny:

Apparently, Playboy has had to accelerate its production process to get the "Survivor" pictorial on the streets less than 90 days after the photo session.

I guess the Airbrushers Union Local 412 require overtime pay.

Posted 6/09/2003 06:55:00 AM by Douglas

What are the chances that a 100 year old Ford is going to get better gas mileage than a brand new one? Pretty good, actually.

Posted 6/07/2003 11:19:00 PM by Douglas

The French have taken a hit, at least at McDonald's lately, but why this story isn't getting any more press? "Crack French troops" land in The Congo and The Ivory Coast to put down (??) warring tribal factions, without UN sanctions, and all we get on CNN is Martha Stewert.

And what word in the phrase "Crack French Troops" makes me want to laugh?

Posted 6/05/2003 09:41:00 PM by Douglas

"Fo' shizzle my nizzle": A UK judge rules that it's not obscene. Too bad the ruling didn't say what the heck it means. And I've never even heard of "mish mish man".

Posted 6/04/2003 08:25:00 PM by Douglas

The Moonlite BunnyRanch: Now that's what I call supporting the troops.

The first 50 servicemen and women through the door will receive a sexy knockoff of their military-issued "TA-50" kits of personal hygiene items. Instead of toothbrushes and soap, Hof's kits contain condoms, lubricant, an adult magazine and a certificate for free sex. Thirteen men and three women in uniform have shown up so far to claim their gifts.

What in the world would three women do in a whorehouse?

Also, the owner of the whorehouse is named Dennis Hof? His brother Jack is the service coordinator.

Posted 6/04/2003 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

Fuel Cell Cars: Wave of the future, right? Why won't anyone print anything that even resembles technical information when they write about how perfect these fuel cells are?

They pollute less than traditional power sources, producing little more than water as a by-product. Fuel cells are not dependent on dwindling oil supplies, running instead on hydrogen, the most abundant element in the universe.

I think the first step towards any future energy source's viability is that the media doesn't report on it with a mystical, Disney-esque hush tones. There's always the implication that Texaco is the one keeping it down, and if car and oil companies weren't so evil, we'd have had these things 40 years ago.

But if anyone can explain where a free and abundant supply of hydrogen exists, one that isn't already bonded with oxygen or carbon (which will require just as much energy to process into a useable form), I'd love to hear it.

Posted 6/04/2003 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

Are cell phones distracting? I contend that talking on a cell phone isn't any more distracting to a driver than changing a CD, eating a burger, putting on make-up, making out, or whatever most people do when they drive. But I think this story about the engineer that wrecks his train because he's on the phone is a good example of why you should "hang up and drive." Especially if you drive a coal train.

Posted 6/02/2003 06:53:00 PM by Douglas

I guess I already knew it, but the baby alien in Wyoming was just too good to be true.

FBI Special Agent Ann Atanasio said the agency was not aware of any alien babies discovered in its territory covering Wyoming and Colorado and denied any involvement with such a case.

"But I suggest that you might want to refer any inquiries to FBI headquarters and ask for agents Mulder or Scully," she quipped, referring to the stars of the TV show The X-Files.

That's just what they want us to think. . .