Posted 6/01/2009 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Headline: Hurricanes and Texas: Coastline hardest hit" Cover story on the latest issue of Duh! Magazine.

Flooding and damage along the Texas Gulf Coast from major hurricanes is expected to be more severe in the coming years because of global warming, according to a study released today.

Ok, we get it, global warming blah blah blah, bad raising sea level, blah blah blah. Now, here are some numbers we pulled from deep from our asses:

The study projected that rising sea levels and more intense hurricanes, due to global warming, will increase structural damage to homes and buildings from a major hurricane in Corpus Christi by 60 percent to 100 percent in about 20 years and by more than 250 percent by the 2080s.[emphasis added]

I'm sure there's a explanation that's as concise and interesting as Al Gore explaining fractional reserve banking, but what's the correlation between global warming and hurricane intensity/frequency? How can global warming cause floods and droughts? Is it to blame for those itchy red bumps on my crotch? I should probably have that checked out.

Labels: Duh, hurricanes

Posted 7/25/2007 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Don't let this year's lack of hurricanes fool you. We're still all gonna die.

Nearly eight weeks have passed since the last tropical storm in the Atlantic-Caribbean region faded away, but banish any notion the 2007 hurricane season has been unusually slow and beware the coming months, experts say.

The peak of the six-month season is just around the corner and forecasters are still predicting a busy one.

Of course! What else are they gonna say? Hurricane forecasters don't get paid to not forecast hurricanes.

"There's absolutely nothing out of the ordinary," Gerry Bell, a hurricane forecaster for the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, said of the Atlantic season's first two months. "It's not slow. It's not fast."

Wait, why is this news? Oh yeah, because it scares old people.

Labels: hurricanes

Posted 3/22/2007 10:14:00 PM by Douglas

Hurricane Season 2007! Get your tickets early!

The Atlantic hurricane season will be exceptionally active this year, according to a British forecasting group, raising the possibility that killer storms like Hurricane Katrina could again threaten the United States.

Could being the operative word in that sentence. If my aunt had a dick, she could be my uncle (sorry, Peggie).

London-based forecaster Tropical Storm Risk on Tuesday said the six-month season, which begins on June 1, was expected to bring 17 tropical storms, of which nine will strengthen into hurricanes with winds of at least 74 miles per hour.

The United States emerged unscathed from the 2006 season after it spawned a below-average nine storms, of which five became hurricanes. Experts had universally -- and erroneously -- predicted 2006 would be a busy year for Atlantic storms.

Yeah, but what's the fun in under predicting? Under predicting doesn't scare the crap out of old people, or sell insurance policies. Fucking wankers.

Labels: hurricanes

Posted 5/18/2004 08:14:00 PM by Douglas

The annual "Unusually rough hurricane season predicted" prediction released today.

Check your flood insurance and emergency supplies, and consider putting up storm shutters. The upcoming hurricane season for the Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico is expected to be rougher than usual.

The National Hurricane Center in Miami forecasts 12 to 15 named tropical storms during the season, which runs June 1 through Nov. 30. Six to eight of these are likely to strengthen into hurricanes, and two to four of those are expected to become major hurricanes, center officials said Monday at Ellington Field.

So look out for that. A butterfly in Africa is beating its wings creating Hurricane Hermine right this instant.

Labels: hurricanes