Posted 9/27/2002 07:13:00 AM by Douglas

Another update on the Morris murders.

If it was a case of mistaken identity, then the first one has to be the mistake. But the first one was the loan officer, and the second one was the nurse. Who'd want to kill a nurse?

I'd say that this is going to make a pretty good Law & Order, but I'm pretty sure I've already seen this one. They love the mistaken identity angle.

Posted 9/26/2002 09:30:00 PM by Douglas

This is just plain sad. To think that NASA is in the position to depend on the Russians (in the absense of the CRV) is basically saying that they will get anything they ask for.

Sounds like NASA (hell, maybe even Boeing) is about to get into the Soyuz business.

Posted 9/26/2002 11:15:00 AM by Douglas

What would have made this even weirder?

If the woman's name had been Sara Connors.

Posted 9/25/2002 11:04:00 AM by Douglas

Holy Smoking Goat Gonads! I'm a little late hearing about this story in Lajitas, TX (Thank you, Comedy Central), but this is too funny. Where is Joe Bob in all of this?

Here's a good piece from Molly Ivins, and here's yet another description from the UK. [here too]

You just can't make stuff like this up.

Labels: goats

Posted 9/24/2002 11:08:00 AM by Douglas

Jesse never misses an opportunity to get his name in the paper, does he? This has got to be the best part of this little gem:

"Barbershop," the No. 1 film of the last two weeks, has been a surprise box-office hit. It stars rapper/actor Ice Cube as the inheritor of a barbershop on Chicago's South Side. Cedric the Entertainer plays an old cantankerous barber who jokes about King's alleged promiscuity.

In a few years, you won't even be able to say that he was mortal.
This is also a lovely shot, too:

Posted 9/23/2002 10:24:00 PM by Douglas

It's going to be a long week along the Gulf Coast.

Unisys Hurricane Data

National Hurricane Center

Posted 9/23/2002 09:54:00 PM by Douglas

Anything is available from Ebay. So this has to be a joke, but that doesn't make it any less funny.

Winning bid receives an ass-kicking from me personally. I am 6'0" and weigh over 230 lbs. If you win this auction, I will personally come to your house and kick your ass. I guarantee that I will not break any bones or kill you, nor will I use any weapons on you, but I will give you a good beating. I will do this under two conditions:

• 1) You or anyone else does not press charges against me(after all, you bought the ass-kicking)
  
• 2) You do not fight back or attempt to physically harm me in any other manner (this is your ass getting kicked, not mine).

Buyer provides round-trip plane ticket to the nearest airport, as well as cab fare to your house and back. If you are not close to an airport, you may provide me with a train ticket or other means of transportation. Do not pick me up, as I will be attacking you completely randomly. Buyer must also provide good, clear directions to their house, as well as any business expenses for if I need to stay in a hotel or buy food for myself during the trip. Most likely though I will just fly in, kick your ass, and then leave.

Upon my arrival, I will select a random time to come over and kick your ass. It may be when you are sleeping, or showering, or any other time during the day/night when you are most vulnerable. During this beating I may damage one or more of your household items, if I have to break glass to get into your home or knock over furniture if you attempt to run from me. This should be expected by you, and covered in my expenses. If you are married or have children, I may choose to slap around your family a little bit, but only if I'm feeling particularly generous. They should be informed of this, and expect it as well.

Bidding starts at one cent ($0.01) but remember the winner must pay all expenses for my travel if they wish for me to come and kick their ass.

I will accept check, money order, or Paypal. Or you could just let me use your valid credit card for a few days and we'll call it even.

Posted 9/20/2002 09:29:00 AM by Douglas

Here's a shocker: women want men to treat them like women!! Incredible.

"half of women say men have little concept of social etiquette, politeness or courtesy."

Only half? That sounds low to me.

And ain't it cool that the survey was conducted by Glenlivit? Not surprisingly, America was at the bottom of the list.

Go figure.

Posted 9/20/2002 09:21:00 AM by Douglas

Happy Birthday, Emoticon. I can't believe that anyone could nail it down to one day. I bet it's the thing that computer dorks argue about all the time.

My favourite one was omitted: Marge Simpson.

@@@@@@@@@@8:)

Posted 9/20/2002 09:18:00 AM by Douglas

I love this one. And what a great message, eh? If enough people are wrong, then that makes them right.

Sorry, I'm talking about the pronunciation, not the foreign policy.

So what's so hard about pronouncing nuclear correctly? I've never understood that one.

Posted 9/18/2002 09:20:00 AM by Douglas

200 missing nukes in the Ukraine and the best that the neo-cons can do is "how can we know that Iraq doesn't have them?

It's impossible to prove a negative, isn't it? Can anyone prove that Santa Clause isn't in Iraq?

Posted 9/18/2002 08:50:00 AM by Douglas

I know I should leave the Aggies alone, but I get so tired of hearing how different Aggies are and they are like one big family. I guess so, and just like every family, when faced with a tragedy, they sue everyone they can think of.

Some more of that "rich heritage of tradition" you hear so durn much about, but suing some of the victims for not warning other victims!!! That's ridiculous, even by Aggie standards.

But hey, I realize that if I don't stop making fun of litigious Aggies, then gravity has already won.

Posted 9/13/2002 02:20:00 PM by Douglas

This is great. Poor Alec. He just can't catch a break.

Posted 9/12/2002 12:00:00 AM by Douglas

President Bush: It's been a year: Why is there still evil in the world?

Posted 9/11/2002 11:55:00 PM by Douglas

This is all I can say on this day. We're a little ancy, and who can blame us?

OK, maybe all they wanted was a pen, but geez, don't pull this shit on 9-11.

And there are 2 "air marshals" on the Houston to Dallas flight? Man, that means they must be everywhere. I didn't think they had to close the door on the plan on that flight.

Posted 9/10/2002 10:35:00 PM by Douglas

This perfectly sums up the Neo-con lunacy for war. I don't think anyone can point out their own stupidity better than they can do themselves.

Rather, those who don't really want to go to war can't or don't want to articulate their reasons.

Catch that one? Instead of a Constitutionally mandated declaration of war, those opposed to using the world's most powerful military to destroy another sovereign nation must themselves conjure reasons NOT to go to war.

Nothing like trying to prove a negative. It's truly sad that it's come to this.

What's even worse is that Rich Lowry thinks this commentary is "shrewd."

Posted 9/10/2002 10:22:00 PM by Douglas

Too bad Buzz didn't have a few of those stolen moon rocks. He could have used them to bash his face in.

The amazing thing about this story is that to anyone reading this that doesn't already know it (who am I kidding, there is noone reading this) I work for the Space program. I actually work with an engineer that is responsible for a certain aspect of the Shuttle missions that thinks the moon landings were faked.

Go figure.

Posted 9/09/2002 11:23:00 PM by Douglas

His lawyer, Michael Kelton, said Coppa was "exploring his options." Yeah, I just bet he is.

It's going to be funny when he's in prison and he's the object of someone's sexual advances. I hope they let him have a clip board in the joint.

Posted 9/09/2002 11:05:00 PM by Douglas

This headline in pretty scary, and misleading;

1 Million Chinese will have HIV by end of year

Ok, no doubt, AIDS is a problem in China, but in a country where baby girls are regularly drowned due to state imposed birth quotas and families desire for a male heir, is it a real surprise that people that think they may have AIDS are a bit shy of doctors?

Posted 9/09/2002 10:55:00 PM by Douglas

When I get on a plane, I'm not going to throw a Rosie O'Donnel fit if the pilot is armed, nor am I going to refuse to board if the pilot is unarmed. I just don't understand what Norman Mineta's problem is with pilots and guns.

Anyone that sets foot on any airplane, private or commercial, already trusts the pilot with their lives. I could care less if he's got a 9mm under the seat. But I'll be glad as hell it's there is some clown wants to bum rush the cockpit with a can of mace, a ceremaic knife, or whatever will be used in the next attack. You know, the one's that is going to come next that uses whatever the idiot Feds at the airports aren't looking for today.

Posted 9/09/2002 09:30:00 PM by Douglas

'Topes Win! Yet another example of life imitating The Simpson's

I can't believe the Albuquerque mayor was mad about this. If he think it's just "a cartoon show", he obviously hasn't seen it.

Posted 9/07/2002 06:43:00 PM by Douglas

Here is your Zero Tolerance laws in action.

What a joke. Putting a kid in suspension for a folding knife? And it wasn't even on him, it was in the car. This is much worse than the kid that brought the shotgun to school. And he got off. But that wasn't so much from the strict interpretation of the law as it was legal wrangling. The DA, Wellington's own Randall Sims, knew the law was stupid and basically found a loophole to let the kid off.

Do you think if someone is standing in a school parking lot with a rifle shooting at people that there is going to be such a loose interpretation of the law. I should hope not.

And I'd like to see David Stevens, the author of such trash, strung up by his toenails for writing such filth:

How 'bout that, Bubba? Is this a great country, or what?

And this gem:

Wonder how many are comfortable with this new information?

Gee, an officer of the court that's not going to throw a kid in jail, and used reasonable judgment in the face of stupid law, all in a rural area where the majority of the people own, use, and hunt with firearms all the dang time.

I hope Mr. Stevens car doesn't break down on U.S. 287 in Clarendon on his way to Ft. Worth. I sure hope that man can't buy a fan belt in that town.

Posted 9/06/2002 08:02:00 AM by Douglas

Another reason I enjoy reading the Amarillo Globe-News: Headlines like this.:

Cities in region attempt to woo cheese plant

Mmmmm. Cheese plant. . . .

Posted 9/05/2002 08:02:00 AM by Douglas

I don't know if the amount is right, but this guy should get something for false arrest for DWI. [more durable link from AGN] Sounds like the Victoria police just had it in for the guy; out of towner and incoherent. It's sad that that's all it takes to get arrested.

But what doesn't make sense is why he was detained in jail for 3 freakin' days if the blood test showed he wasn't drunk? If they waited 3 days, then there was no point in the blood test, and if he passed the blood test, why wasn't he immediately released?

Posted 9/04/2002 11:28:00 PM by Douglas

I guess I have to take back everything I said about socialized medicine.

They were able to put this guy's fingers back on. Way to go.

But the words "16 year old pop star" and "severed by a helicopter rotor as he waved to fans" tells me that all the medicine and all the socialism in the world isn't going to help this guy. But obviously he's famous enough to get the operations, while the truly sick of Mexico go untreated.

Great system, right?

Posted 9/04/2002 07:32:00 AM by Douglas

Here's a lovely story for all those in favor of socialized medicine.

The best part is that the "mistake" that the hospital admits to is that the operation wasn't supposed to be postponed for 6 weeks, but rather they were going to deal with the rotting flesh on this man's hand "within a few weeks."

Lovely.

Posted 9/04/2002 12:56:00 AM by Douglas

OK, I stand corrected. It wasn't a coup.
The crown was handed over peacefully, without a shot being fired in agner.

Thank God. Now I can go to bed.

Posted 9/04/2002 12:42:00 AM by Douglas

As I blogged on 7/19/02, Brittany Wellsfry, call your office. There was no ceremony, no public annoucement about Julia Anderson losing her crown?

OK, I think all of this is really funny, because besides the contestants and their overbearing mothers, Noone else in the world cares about any of this shit. But it's funny to see just how serious it is, when the winner gets drunk at an apartment complex in Ft.Worth.

What bothers me is that it all went down with no media attention. I mean, when Julia got drunk, it made the papers. So why didn't it get a blurb in the papers when the "new" Miss Teen Texas was crowned? The whole thing reeks of a bloodless coup.

And I use the term "bloodless" very loosely, considering Tampax was no doubt one of the sponsors of the pageant.

Posted 9/03/2002 10:36:00 PM by Douglas

A "$100-million lawsuit against the city", and a few weeks ago Houston was surprised when they lost their bid for the 2012 Olympics? Geez, someone buy these guys a clue.

This reads like a pissing match between to warring cliques in a frat house, not the P.D. in a "world class city" like Houston, Tx. Right? These two guys, and I'll bet you $100 neither one of them is over 5'7", get into a pissing match, and 273 people have a criminal record for the rest of their lives. And they wonder why we don't trust the police?

Also, I'm no legal scholar, but what in the hell is "attempted trespassing?" Is that when I look at a piece of property, think about trespassing and don't, or is it a failed attempt to scale a fence? To quote Sideshow Bob, "attempted trespassing? Now really! Do they give out Nobel Prizes for attempted chemistry?"

Posted 9/03/2002 10:07:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a great story about some motivated students and a chariatable donation.

What's amazing about this is that it's the Mexican customs officials that's keeping things out of their country. And then "they can't be reached for comments" about the incident. Really?

What's also amazing is how motivated those kids were to carry the desks across the bridge. I've been there, and that's one long bridge. I bet it's a lot longer if you're lugging a desk on your back.

Posted 9/03/2002 07:41:00 AM by Douglas

Some more brilliance from John Bloom, a.k.a. Joe Bob. This one looking for the
lost liberals. Excerpt:

Social Security is a good example.

Social Security is the most liberal governmental program in the history of the nation. It's actually a COMMUNIST idea -- the redistribution of wealth to create universal retirement income. Social Security is falling apart BECAUSE it's a communist idea. All big government-run economic plans like that eventually sputter and die.

So where's the conservative who will say "Get rid of it"?

Doesn't exist.

It gets better.

You'll find guys who say they want you to be able to take your Social Security money and invest it in Enron, which is some kind of twisted economic theory that doesn't come from Adam Smith or Karl Marx, but creates a mutation of both: let's take money from some of the people, give it to other people, but let them invest it in yet another group of people who are probably the same people who gave it to them in the first place, and if they lose all their money, it's not the government's fault, even though the government gave them the money in the first place.

And where's the liberal who will say: "Run a permanent deficit to pay for Social Security"? That, after all, is how you run a socialist program.

But that species of politician doesn't exist either.

Posted 9/03/2002 07:41:00 AM by Douglas

I'm not a big fan of Martha Stewert, but Joe Bob's Ode to Martha almost makes her seem human.

Posted 9/03/2002 07:17:00 AM by Douglas

You gotta love headlines like this:

RUSSIA SAYS 'BYE, BYE, BYE' TO 'N SYNC SPACE TREK

So the Russians say it's over, but I'll bet that if he comes up with the money, they'll change their mind. What's really sad is that he's already gone through a week of training at JSC.

Posted 9/02/2002 10:47:00 AM by Douglas

Watched Mulholland Dr. yesterday. 2 Observations:

1) I felt like Homer when he was watching the new film by David Lynch: There was a unicorn dancing with a guy under a full moon and a traffic signal. Homer says, "Brilliant. I don't understand any of it."

2) You know those "magic eye" pictures that if you stare at it long enough, you can see a pony or some such crap? That's what I felt about Mulholland Dr. I'm sure if you stared at it long enough, you could make it into whatever you wanted it to be. Personally, I've never got the "magic eye" pictures to make much sense, either.

This Salon article, which by the way should be titled "Mulholland Dr. For Dummies", pretty much spells it all out. But it still leaves too much to the viewer.

Can you imagine that flick being a miniseries on ABC? Man, Disney would have crapped their pants over that one.