Posted 8/31/2008 03:14:00 PM by Douglas

Imagine that? These "alternative" energy sources that do little than provide boners to politicians in their talking-points can't get by without government money.

Some $500 million in investment and production tax credits will expire Dec. 31 unless Congress renews them. Without that help, solar and wind power companies say they will reverse planned expansions and, in many cases, cut payrolls and capital investment.

"We don't want to build a giant factory that the market doesn't need or want," Lynch said.

I'll admit I'm generally nuts, but what kind of moron would think these boondoggles are technically feasible? Any machine/process that can only sustain itself with government is a very bad idea.

Posted 8/30/2008 11:49:00 AM by Douglas

For some reason this really made me laugh. Be sure you get to the last frame, adjust to category 4 to watch your car get blown away. I didn't like that car, anyway.

Posted 8/29/2008 06:35:00 PM by Douglas

This guy is going to run out of bandwidth quick.

Posted 8/29/2008 06:18:00 PM by Douglas

With hurricanes on everyone's mind, I don't know how this story got swept under the rug:

After Hurricane Katrina, many New Orleans residents legally armed themselves to protect their lives and property from civil disorder. With no way to call for help, and police unable to respond, honest citizens were able to defend themselves and their neighbors against looters, arsonists and other criminals.

However, just when these people needed guns the most, New Orleans's Police Superintendent ordered the confiscation of firearms, allegedly under a state emergency powers law. "No one will be able to be armed," he said. "Guns will be taken. Only law enforcement will be allowed to have guns." (Fortunately, an NRA lawsuit brought an end to the seizures—along with a far-fetched denial that confiscation had ever been ordered. Following this, Judge Carl J. Barbier, presiding over the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Louisiana, held New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin and Police Chief Warren Riley in contempt for “failure to provide initial disclosures and to compel answers to discovery” during NRA’s injunction against the City for their illegal gun confiscations.)

Hurricane or no hurricane, when they come for your guns, give 'em the bullets first.

Posted 8/29/2008 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

God. Because you can't flunk out of Sunday School:

Let me resort to the usual practice of the ignoramus and give up on philosophical inquiry and just proclaim an opinion: Science requires more faith than God.

“But science can be proved,” a scientist would say. “The whole point of science is experimental proof.” Yet we non-scientists have to take that experimental proof on faith because we don’t know what the scientists are talking about. This makes science a matter of faith in men while religion, of course, is a matter of faith in God, and if you’ve got to choose …

Personally, I don’t think you do. Science and religion both assert the same thing: that the universe operates according to rules and that those rules can be discerned. Albeit this does make it easier to believe in God than, for instance, organic chemistry. Just the fact of rules implies a rule maker while just the fact of mixing nitro with glycerin and causing an explosion does not imply a Ph.D.

Ha! P.J.'s good for a laugh from time to time.

Labels: P.J. O'Rourke

Posted 8/29/2008 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Hey, tiny cow, you had me when you said you'd mow my lawn.

Registrations of the most popular breed, the Dexter, have doubled since the millennium and websites are sprouting up offering “the world’s most efficient, cutest and tastiest cows”.

For between £200 and £2,000, people can buy a cow that stands no taller than a large German shepherd dog, gives 16 pints of milk a day that can be drunk unpasteurised, keeps the grass “mown” and will be a family pet for years before ending up in the freezer.

Looks a lot more delicious than my current lawnmower.

Posted 8/27/2008 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

Here we go again:

I don't take credit for my predictions from three years ago when that unmemorable hurricane came through and screwed up everyone's Labor day. But the paths looks remarkably similar. Hopefully the survivors have learned their lesson and are going to get the hell out.

Posted 8/27/2008 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Russia is looking for new allies in their one-sided recognition of South Ossetia and Abkhazia. This time? China.

Mr Medvedev was to meet President Hu Jintao at a Central Asian security summit in Tajikistan in an encounter that is unlikely to yield the sort of criticism that Russia has attracted from Europe and America over its actions in the breakaway regions of South Ossetia and Abkhazia.

China has kept a diplomatic silence over events in Georgia so far. Foreign Ministry spokesman, Qin Gang refused to endorse Russia's decision to recognise the two enclaves. "We have noted the latest developments of the situation, and we hope relevant parties find a proper resolution of the issue through dialogue."

But Russia also continues to play its military cards in the region. A senior military spokesman said that Moscow had ordered the navy to monitor Nato vessels in the Black Sea.

Well isn't that special. China doesn't have much of a leg to stand on, considering how many regions it currently rules that don't want to be China anymore.

But taking a step back, let's look at what Russia said when Kosovo declared their independence and we recognized their independence.

Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday described the declaration of independence by Kosovo as a "terrible precedent" that will come back to hit the West "in the face."

The comments came as Moscow ratcheted up its condemnation of Western powers' support for the province's secession from Serbia, with a Russian envoy warning NATO and the European Union against "brute force" in Kosovo.

Russia has vehemently opposed Kosovo's independence declaration, reflecting Moscow's historical ties with Orthodox Christian Serbia, which continues to claim Kosovo as a Serbian province.

"The precedent of Kosovo is a terrible precedent, which will de facto blow apart the whole system of international relations, developed not over decades, but over centuries," Putin told a Moscow meeting of regional leaders.

Your move, Pooty-poot-poot. Are you going to flinch in the Caucasus for the Caspian oil? The Soviets repelled Hitler in the same region (for the same reason) so I think they know what they're up against.

Posted 8/27/2008 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Why does Hillary wear a prison jump-suit to the convention?

Because when she wears a skirt people can see her balls.

Posted 8/27/2008 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

Reason 487 why you shouldn't give money to the United Way:

For months, the United Way of Central Carolinas board said Gloria Pace King was worth every penny of her controversial $1.2 million pay package.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this assumption: "I'm going to work for the United Way and I'm going to make a MILLION DOLLARS."

Maybe that Million dollar salary didn't include a dictionary.

Posted 8/27/2008 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

What goes one at the olympics after the events. Not surprising, a whole lot of fucking:

It was not just the guys. The women, too, seemed in thrall to their hormones, throwing around daring glances and dynamite smiles like confetti. No meal or coffee break was complete without a breathless conversation with a lithe long jumper from Cuba or an Amazonian badminton player from Sweden, the mutual longing so evident it was almost comical. It was an effort of will to keep everything in check until competition had finished. But, once we were eliminated from our respective competitions, we lunged at each other like suicidal fencers.

Now there's an event I think we'd all like to see: the Synchronized Couples Sex Lungers.

I'm sure the Germans would dominate that event.

Posted 8/25/2008 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

Absolutely excellent article with the question: "Where have all the real men gone?" There's too much of this one to grab for a pithy blockquote [please read down to her foray into den-motherhood]. But here's some good parts:

By elevating single motherhood from an unfortunate consequence of poor planning to a sophisticated act of self-fulfilment, we have helped to fashion a world in which fathers are not just scarce but in which men are also superfluous.

Lots of women can, do and always will raise children without fathers, whether out of necessity, tragedy or other circumstance. But that fact can’t logically be construed to mean that children don’t need a father. The fact that some children manage with just one parent is no more an endorsement of single parenthood than driving with a flat tyre is an argument for three-wheeled cars.

Ha! Persactly! Just 'cause you can doesn't mean you should. But where does it all end up? Here's a scenario:

Ultimately, what our oversexualised, pornified culture reveals is that we think very little of our male family members. Undergirding the culture that feminism has helped to craft is a presumption that men are without honour and integrity. What we offer men is cheap, dirty, sleazy, manipulative sensation. What we expect from them is boorish, simian behaviour that ratifies the antimale sentiment that runs through the culture.

Surely our boys – and our girls – deserve better.

We sure do, and pardon the pun, but it's coming.

Posted 8/24/2008 02:41:00 PM by Douglas

What did you say???

Posted 8/24/2008 02:25:00 PM by Douglas

A bad plan, poorly executed under suspicions of corruption. Daily operation in New Orleans continue, unabated

In a yearlong review of levee work here, The Associated Press has tracked a pattern of public misperception, political jockeying and legal fighting, along with economic and engineering miscalculations since Katrina, that threaten to make New Orleans the scene of another devastating flood.

Dozens of interviews with engineers, historians, policymakers and flood zone residents confirmed many have not learned from public policy mistakes made after Hurricane Betsy in 1965, which set the stage for Katrina; many mistakes are being repeated.

What a nightmare.Not even $14 billion of government money can make water flow uphill.

Posted 8/24/2008 02:14:00 PM by Douglas

We're just not going to be happy 'till we stick our entire fist into this mess in Georgia.

A U.S. Navy warship carrying humanitarian aid anchored at the Georgian port of Batumi on Sunday, sending a strong signal of support to an embattled ally as Russian forces built up around two separatist regions.

Ahead of the USS McFaul's arrival, a top Russian general suggested that the presence of U.S. and other NATO ships in the Black Sea would worsen tensions already at a post-Cold War low.

Russia pulled the bulk of its troops and tanks from its small southern neighbor Friday after a brief but intense war, but built up its forces in and around two separatist regions — South Ossetia and Abkhazia — and left other military posts deep inside Georgia.

The guided missile destroyer USS McFaul, loaded with some 80 pallets containing about 55 tons of humanitarian aid, is the first of three American ships scheduled to arrive this week, according to the U.S. Embassy. The aid includes baby food, diapers, bottled water, and milk.

"Guided missile destroyer delivering humanitarian aid." What word doesn't belong in that sentence? The other problem Black Sea operations? Getting there. Not as though there was even an incident there.

Posted 8/23/2008 02:07:00 PM by Douglas

Grammar police, meet the real police

Two self-styled vigilantes against typos who defaced a more than 60-year-old, hand-painted sign at Grand Canyon National Park were sentenced to probation and banned from national parks for a year.

Deck and Herson, both 28, toured the United States this spring, wiping out errors on government and private signs. They were interviewed by NPR and the Chicago Tribune, which called them "a pair of Kerouacs armed with Sharpies and erasers and righteous indignation."

They were sentenced to a year's probation, during which they cannot enter any national park or modify any public signs. They were also ordered to pay $3,035 to repair the watchtower sign.

Fight the power, retards!

Posted 8/23/2008 02:07:00 PM by Douglas

Fearing his campaign wasn't McCain enough, Bam-bam goes with his very own cranky old man. Check out The Agitator's take:

I obviously disagree with Biden on a host of economic and regulatory issues, too (though he does seem to be fairly decent on free trade). But that’s to be expected. My problem with Biden is that he’s not even good on the issues the left is supposed to be good on. He’s an overly ambitious, elitist, tunnel-visioned, Potomac-fevered Beltway dinosaur, with all the trappings. He may well have been the worst possible pick among congressional Democrats when it comes to the drug war and criminal justice.

McCain was already tightening up the gap, but this might put him over the edge, depending who he picks.

Posted 8/23/2008 01:58:00 PM by Douglas

Here's the deal: You're either an adult at 18 or you're not. How anyone could possibly justify staggering out the rights and responsibilities of becoming an adult is absolutely absurd:

"What we need to do is engage in a dispassionate debate about what lowering the drinking age would do," O'Brien said. "What we're asking for is a debate, at this point in time, that's the goal."

But Allen said a 21-year-old is able to handle alcohol better than an 18-year-old. She said it's dangerous to provide alcohol to younger people.

A 19 year old can't handle a six-pack of beer, but they can pick the next President? Arbitrary milestones are just that, arbitrary, but they should be consistent. There's no reason society rules you to be an adult in every other capacity at 18 years old, except one. You can become a stripper at 18 and serve horny men beer, you just can't drink one. Make sense?

Posted 8/23/2008 01:48:00 PM by Douglas

Do the Olympics take place every four years, or do they last for four years? Sweet sassy molassey, when is this shit going to end? I just saw the Russian women's team perform a perfect routine in synchronized swimming and I don't think that crap would be interesting even if they put a shark in the pool.

But some of the events are quite remarkable. Ping-pong, falling off a platform into a pool of water, badminton, trampoline, beach volleyball? Things are things you after four beers. I think next time in London they ought to make an Olympic event for the cameramen at the women's beach volleyball games. I'm pretty sure they're competing amongst themselves to see how many close-up shots they can get of the contestants labias.

Posted 8/23/2008 01:36:00 PM by Douglas

Ten tips to new car buying. The best one:

10. Be ready to use your trump card.
Which is to simply get up and walk away if the salesman is pressuring you, or you don't like the way the deal's going. You are under no obligation to buy the car -- and that's your number one ace to play.

But since most people are more concerned with their monthly payment than they are with the price of the vehicle, interest rate, add-ons or trade in value, salesmen can take you for all you're worth.

Don't forget the undercoating.

Posted 8/23/2008 01:30:00 PM by Douglas

Absolutely perfect article crossword puzzles and the mouth-breathers that love them.

I see something like The Matrix, eventually (a crossword is a matrix, right?), where the brains of crossword types are harvested for their hyperactive but otherwise pointless synaptic flickering.

That's just perfect, but this is better:

And I hear girls really go for guys who do sudoku.

Riiiiight. . .

Posted 8/20/2008 07:09:00 PM by Douglas

Why the hell are we protecting Poland?

The United States and Poland on Wednesday signed an agreement to base U.S. ballistic missile interceptors in Poland, a move that angered Russia.

Polish Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski and U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice signed the deal and hailed it as a breakthrough in international cooperation. They said the missiles would be used only for defense.

And then there's this:

Russia has warned that a US-Polish missile defence deal creates a new arms race in Europe and beyond.

A foreign ministry statement said that Moscow "will be forced to react, and not only through diplomatic demarches". It did not elaborate.

I'm so sick of re-runs. Isn't Poland tired of being the tinder of world wars where tens of millions of people die? Is the United States tired of adding fuel to the fire of Europe's bickering?

Posted 8/20/2008 07:08:00 PM by Douglas

NASA's Aerospace Safety Advisory Panel report [pdf]. The keepers:

Is mission driving requirements, rather than the other way around?

And

When safety elements have to "earn their way" onto a design that has already begun to take shape, objectivity and consistency in the decision-making could be compromised.

Hopefully someone's looking into this.

Posted 8/20/2008 07:01:00 PM by Douglas

If you really want the scoop on what's going on with the Russian saber-rattling, go to the source: Pravda. The money quote:

Besides, Russia has enough precision missiles to neutralise and exterminate any military threat anywhere on Earth at any given moment, be this a matchbox, a tank or a concentration of troops, without even sending in one soldier.

A chilling vision of things to come.

Posted 8/20/2008 07:01:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting article on the next financial bubble that's going to pop: credit cards.

We made it through the bursting of the Internet bubble and now the bursting of the real estate bubble. Next we may be approaching the end of the most worrisome bubble of all: the standard-of-living bubble.

That conclusion comes from the latest data on credit card debt. It's growing fast, but the problem is bigger than that - and to understand what it means, we have to take a few steps back.

[. . .]

But bottom line, the credit card money window is going to start closing - and soon.

That's going to be quite a shocker to most. Not that they're not willing to go hip deep in plastic debt to pay for a smoothie or new rims for the Hummer, but that they can't do it because they can't get the credit because it's not there. But don't miss this little nugget:

In 2005 our personal savings rate went negative, but even that didn't slow us down, because our homes were still appreciating - and rising home values meant that household net worths weren't declining. (Don't be fooled by that saving-rate spike in this year's second quarter; it was probably a one-time event resulting from the federal stimulus payments.)

Thanks, Bush. Your package stimulated nothing.

Posted 8/20/2008 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Fuck all this shit: I'm miserable.

Why are most Americans so utterly willing to have an essential part of their hearts sliced away and discarded like so much waste? What are we to make of this American obsession with happiness, an obsession that could well lead to a sudden extinction of the creative impulse, that could result in an extermination as horrible as those foreshadowed by global warming and environmental crisis and nuclear proliferation? What drives this rage for complacency, this desperate contentment?

If only I was creative.

Posted 8/18/2008 10:43:00 PM by Douglas

For some reason, this story about Buddy Holl(e)y's widow is somewhat endearing.

Fifty years after Maria Elena Santiago flew from New York City to Lubbock to marry musician Buddy Holly, she continues a tradition each year on her wedding anniversary.

Friday marked the 50th anniversary of Buddy and Maria Holly's wedding, and the woman who was transformed from wife to widow in less than six months said, "I know I shouldn't keep asking after 50 years, but I do. I ask why, why, why he had to die."

Bye, bye, Miss American Pie. . .

Posted 8/17/2008 04:41:00 PM by Douglas

I hope the Russians milk the Georgia/Iraq angle for all it's worth.

Russian troops will leave "sooner or later," Kosachev said, saying the timetable depends "definitely on how Georgians will continue to behave."

"If I would ask you in response to the same question how fast the American forces can leave Iraq, for example, the answer would be as soon as we have guarantees for peace and security there," Kosachev said. "The same answer would be toward this situation."

What?!? They can't act as irresponsibly as we do, can they?!?

Posted 8/17/2008 02:26:00 PM by Douglas

The best obituary Ever!

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

Ouch! Sounds like a lovely person.

Posted 8/17/2008 02:02:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out it wasn't Bigfoot.

Bigfoot remains as elusive as ever.Results from tests on genetic material from alleged remains of one of the mythical half-ape and half-human creatures, made public at a news conference on Friday held after the claimed discovery swept the Internet, failed to prove its existence.

Its spread was fuelled by a photograph of a hairy heap, bearing a close resemblance to a shaggy full-body gorilla costume, stuffed into a container resembling a refrigerator.

One of the two samples of DNA said to prove the existence of the Bigfoot came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum, according to Curt Nelson, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who performed the DNA analysis.

Is it too early to start to worry about a human/possom hybrid?

Looks like a monkey suit in an ice chest to me:

Posted 8/17/2008 01:03:00 PM by Douglas

From the squirrel, 50 things men wish women knew.

4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car.
11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.

And:

18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?

News flash, brainiacs at Men's Health: Women already know that. They just don't want to do it with you.

And now for the ladies:

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

What we're thinking? Why won't she have sex with me anytime she wants?

Posted 8/17/2008 12:40:00 PM by Douglas

Another indicator of our failing economy. A teacher isn't just having sex with her students, but she's charging for it.

A Cleveland high school theater teacher is scheduled to appear in court on Aug. 20 after being arrested last week on prostitution charges, according to court records.

Remember the good old days when teachers were bangin' their students for free? These are truly hard times.

Posted 8/17/2008 12:34:00 PM by Douglas

The irony from the soundbites coming out of the Georgian conflict are thicker than Putin's accent. President Shrub:

Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century.

And

Russia has invaded a sovereign neighbouring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people. Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st Century.

Oh really? When did he decide that? But you gotta love grandpa kissing ass, at home and abroad:

I know I speak for every American when I say to him, ‘Today we are all Georgians.’

Speak for yourself, Pander McNeedyVote.

Posted 8/14/2008 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

What to know how much that guy working for the government is making? Here's your chance.

Posted 8/14/2008 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

An interesting growing trend to the backlash of post-modern feminism: Women who don't do a damn thing all day.

"What do you do all day?" is a question Anne Marie Davis, 34, says she gets a lot.

Davis, who lives in Lewisville, Texas, isn't a mother, nor does she telecommute. She is a stay-at-home wife, which makes her something of a pioneer in the post-feminist world.

Ten years ago, she was an "overwhelmed" high school English teacher. "I didn't have time for my husband, " she says, "and I didn't have a life."

She presented the idea of staying home to her husband, a Web engineer. "I told him it was something I wanted to do, and he supported it. It was a great relief."

Wow. "Overwhelmed." Who isn't? Do these women think their husbands are just champin' at the bit at 6:30 in the morning to go punch the clock every day to provide wall paper for the den? Who wouldn't chose to do nothing if they had someone providing for them?

"I'd never say that a woman shouldn't work," she says. "But I don't see what good it would do to work in a job that I couldn't stand, and if I have the choice not to, why wouldn't I take that opportunity?"

What a waste. Just like the old joke about no one putting "I should have worked more weekend" on their tombstone, I don't think anyone wants it to say "I should have watched more Oprah."

Posted 8/14/2008 05:01:00 PM by Douglas

Remember when you could use the F-bomb and not get cited for it?

On Aug. 4, as local residents prepared for deteriorating weather conditions, Kathryn "Kristi" Fridge made a last-minute stop at the Wal-Mart at FM 1764 and Interstate 45 with her mother and 2-year-old daughter.

Finding the batteries shelf bare, she expressed her displeasure and disbelief to her mother.

"I was like, 'Dang.' I looked at my mom and said, 'They're all ----ing gone," Fridge recalled.

Suddenly, Capt. Alfred Decker, the La Marque assistant fire marshal, appeared from around the corner, dressed in a fire department uniform.

"He said, 'You need to watch your mouth,' " Fridge said.

Perplexed by who the man was — his badge said "fire department" — Fridge offered a scant apology.

"I was like, 'Oh, OK. Sorry?' " she said.

Fridge walked away, but said the man ordered her to come back. She then protested, telling him she was having a private conversation with her mother that was none of his business. When the man ordered her to come to him and she refused, she said he pulled out his handcuffs.

If the F-bomb is 'disorderly conduct' now, they better clear the prisons now for all the rappers and single mothers out there.

Posted 8/11/2008 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Don't know what to do with that special family member's remains? How 'bout wearing them around your neck?

The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life, or as a symbol of your personal and precious bond with another.

LifeGem diamonds are molecularly identical to natural diamonds found at any high-end jeweler. To qualify as diamonds, they must have the exact same brilliance, fire, and hardness (the hardest substance known) as diamonds from the earth, and of course, they do!

I wonder if I could get a diamond made out of that bunch of bananas I really enjoyed last April? They were delicious!

Posted 8/11/2008 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

This shit is gonna get ugly before it's all over:

The events of the past week will be remembered that way, too. This war did not begin because of a miscalculation by Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili. It is a war that Moscow has been attempting to provoke for some time. The man who once called the collapse of the Soviet Union "the greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the [20th] century" has reestablished a virtual czarist rule in Russia and is trying to restore the country to its once-dominant role in Eurasia and the world. Armed with wealth from oil and gas; holding a near-monopoly over the energy supply to Europe; with a million soldiers, thousands of nuclear warheads and the world's third-largest military budget, Vladimir Putin believes that now is the time to make his move.

A chilling vision of things to come. WWI started over less.

Posted 8/10/2008 06:45:00 PM by Douglas

I kinda like Cindy McCain. Besides the fact she's drunk the Kool-Aide, she's every old geezer's dream: cute, rich, and 18 years younger than he is. But you gotta love this one:

"More importantly, my children and I not only trust my husband, but know that he would never do anything to not only disappoint our family, but disappoint the people of America. He's a man of great character."

Of course he would never have an extra-marital affair. Unless it's with her, right? As my daddy always said, if they'll lie for ya, they'll lie to ya.

Posted 8/10/2008 06:08:00 PM by Douglas

Check out these three asses.

“Mr. President, want to?” said Misty May-Treanor, half of the dominant American beach volleyball, turning her backside toward the president for the sport’s traditional method of encouragement: a slap.

Any man should be a bit leery when some chick in a two-piece points her sweaty ass at you and says "want to?" and the President is no different. Clinton would have been on that like a duck on a june bug.

Mr. Bush complied, though with a discrete flick of the back of his hand on her lower back. Dressed in a casual blue shirt and khakis, even a visor, he was even enticed to try a few volleys himself, quickly working up a sweat in the Beijing swelter (and comporting himself rather well).

The president — college cheerleader, baseball owner, sports enthusiast — is clearly enjoying his immersion in the American Olympic effort.

The surge is working. . . . In My Pants!!!

Posted 8/10/2008 04:47:00 PM by Douglas

Isaac Hayes died. Shut yo mouth!

Soul singer and arranger Isaac Hayes, who won Grammy awards and an Oscar for the theme from the 1971 action film "Shaft," has died, sheriff's officials in Memphis, Tennessee, reported Sunday.

And here's the Shaft intro, if you can dig it:

Posted 8/10/2008 03:14:00 PM by Douglas

Saw this quote from bizarre genius Nikola Tesla the other day:

If we use fuel to get our power, we are living on our capital and exhausting it rapidly. This method is barbarous and wantonly wasteful and will have to be stopped in the interest of coming generations.

Well, duh. Imagine how disappointed he'd be to see the world, 100 years later, still burning oil and dead plants to generate the miraculous electricity he helped spread all over the world.

Posted 8/10/2008 03:01:00 PM by Douglas

Sometime The Onion nails it:

According to a report released Monday by the National Institutes of Health, 93 percent of those who get behind the wheel while intoxicated arrive at their homes safe and sound, just like they told everybody they would.

I can already sense the blood pressure rising over at MADD, because they'd like to see everyone that had three beers after work to spend a night in jail and lose their license forever.

Posted 8/10/2008 02:39:00 PM by Douglas

Gravity in Utah's Arches National Park continues unabated.

One of the largest and most photographed arches in Arches National Park has collapsed.

Paul Henderson, the park's chief of interpretation, said Wall Arch collapsed sometime late Monday or early Tuesday.

The arch is along Devils Garden Trail, one of the most popular in the park. For years, the arch has been a favorite stopping point for photographers.

Henderson said the arch was claimed by forces that will eventually destroy others in the park: gravity and erosion.

Can we blame this one on John Edwards wayward wiener? We hardly knew ya:

Posted 8/10/2008 02:29:00 PM by Douglas

What the world eats. Hard to imagine six people surviving on $1.23 a week. Also hard to imagine eating a mayonnaise sandwich.

Posted 8/07/2008 05:49:00 PM by Douglas

As with most trials in Houston, this is going to get good. It's the accusations of the suit that's really funny:

Brown is suing Victoria Osteen, alleging that she threw her against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the breast before the start of a 2005 flight to Vail, Colo.

McKamie said Brown, who had undergone reconstructive surgery before the incident on her breasts due to illness, was injured when she was hit on her chest.

Her psychiatrist, Shayna Lee, testified that Brown has suffered depression and post-traumatic stress disorder because of the incident. She also felt disrespected in her role as a leader and as a black woman, and had her faith affected, Lee said.

Brown is also suing Victoria Osteen for medical expenses for counseling.

But Hardin told jurors there is no evidence Brown sustained any injuries, including claims she now suffers from hemorrhoids.

Hemorrhoids? How does that happen?

Posted 8/07/2008 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

At some point in our lives, we've all be stuck on a bus or a plane next to some stranger that's annoying the crap out of us. But you should always be polite: You never know when the guy next to you is going to flip out, stab you to death, decapitate your corpse and eat part of it in front of other on the bus:

Last week, a passenger ran amok on a Greyhound bus, stabbing, gutting and beheading his seat mate, who was on his way home to Winnipeg from a job as a carnival worker in Edmonton.

Prosecutors said police observed the accused eating pieces of his victim when they surrounded the bus on a desolate highway about 90 kilometers (55 miles) west of Winnipeg immediately following the July 30 attack.

Holy crap. You can't make this shit up.

Posted 8/07/2008 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

People in the Pacific Northwest sure love to pee in a jug and throw it out the window of their vehicle.

Police say there's been an alarming rise in urine-filled plastic containers found along a three-mile stretch of Interstate 84 in eastern Oregon.

A litter crew for the Oregon Department of Transportation picked up an estimated 200-300 urine filled plastic bottles, along the highway, about half of which were found in a short stretch dubbed "Three Mile Hill."

Police say that drivers — particularly commercial trucks — are typically driving very slowly through the area.

Police think the price of fuel may be causing drivers to travel slower than normal to save fuel while at the same time passing rest areas or truck stops.

Still, can't beat the picture of the trucker bombs from three years ago.

Posted 8/06/2008 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Ah, my Jester days. How I miss them. There's a reason they don't let students live there in the summer.

Twenty-six teenage cheerleaders tried to cram themselves into an elevator at the University of Texas to see how many would fit, but then they got stuck and had to be rescued.

One girl was treated and released at a hospital and two others were treated at the scene after the Tuesday night prank, officials said.

The group of 14- to 17-year-olds were attending a cheerleading camp when they decided to stuff themselves into an elevator at Jester Residence Hall at UT. The elevator went down to the first floor but then the doors of the overloaded elevator wouldn't open, officials said.

After a few panicked cell phone calls, police and firefighters were called to the scene and it took a repairman about 25 minutes to fix the door, police said.

Quoth the Fireman: "Dear Diary. . . . . . Jackpot!"

Posted 8/05/2008 04:50:00 PM by Douglas

It looks like Edouard is no more, and here's the extent of my damages:

You poor branch. Why did you have to die so young?!?

Out of sheer boredom, we decided to go down to Galveston and see how the storm was stirring up the toilet bowl that is the Gulf of Mexico. Not much different than normal. I think I've seen bigger waves in my bathtub:

Of course, all the satellite news trucks were still there:

And:

I'm sure they were tired. Staying up all night, like I'm sure they did, reporting on nothing.

Posted 8/05/2008 01:58:00 PM by Douglas

Edouard was a big fat nothing.

Tropical Storm Edouard hit the Texas Gulf coast east of Galveston on Tuesday with strong winds and heavy rain, but did little more than soak the travelers who came to relax on the tourist town's beaches.

The storm made landfall east of Galveston and west of the Louisiana border, between the small coastal town of High Island and Sabine Pass, and was weakening as it headed inland. Though forecasters had feared it could become a hurricane and both Texas and Louisiana had made emergency preparations, winds never reached hurricane strength of 74 mph. No major damage was reported.

In Galveston, a few surfers were in the water and some people were riding bikes at the beach as the rains approached.

"We are just out here enjoying it, trying to feel that good breeze that's coming in," said Robert Lemon, 45, of Sweeny, who said he was hoping the storm passed quickly so he could do some fishing.

On Bolivar Peninsula, a thin strip of land northeast of Galveston that separates Galveston Bay from the Gulf of Mexico, emergency workers were ready but had little to do. A few sat at the Gilchrist fire station amid emergency supplies, bottled water and air mattresses. But none of the 700 or so residents had called for help

Of course, the media did its job of trying to scare the crap out of us, but the Houston area didn't even get a substantial rain out of it. I heard one of the Weather Suits on TV this morning claim "Edouard is following the line of the predicted path exactly." Well, not really. Check out the NHC predictions. All of them up to 12 hours before landfall predicted it going straight to Houston. Then it didn't. So don't go patting yourselves on the back too hard. You're not going to get to cry wolf forever before people stop listening to you.

Posted 8/05/2008 01:40:00 PM by Douglas

Want lower rates on your car insurance? All you gotta do is let big brother ride shot-gun.

Auto insurer Progressive Corp. has begun offering its drivers the chance to cut their costs based on how they actually drive, not only on their age, credit score and number of tickets or accidents on their record.

The monitoring device — sort of like a black box for cars — tells Progressive what time people drive, how many miles they've driven, how fast they accelerate and how often they hit the brakes. It does not track where people go.

I'm pretty sure that anyone that would sign up for such a idiotic program already has a tracking chip implanted in their neck. I wonder if they interfere with each other?

Labels: EDR

Posted 8/03/2008 06:51:00 PM by Douglas

Bring it on, Edouard!

Posted 8/03/2008 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

An oldie but a goodie. The Presidential Daily Briefing from August 6, 2001.

Posted 8/03/2008 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Note to plumbers: When you find $9,000 worth of silver coins while you're digging in someone's back yard, put them in your pocket and shut your pie hole.

Our story begins June 11. Plumbers were digging a trench to run utilities for a pool house and swimming pool on property Hodge had purchased adjacent to his home on Oldham Circle in Amarillo. Randy McMinn had a backhoe about a foot deep when on one particular scoop, mixed in with the dirt, was found a bunch of dingy little objects.

Work came to a halt, and closer inspection revealed them to be coins — old coins from 1887. Careful digging found a lot more in some kind of fine plastic, what Margaret, Hodge's wife, described as sort of an old version of Saran Wrap.

Metal detector sales just went through the roof.

Posted 8/03/2008 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon you're going to start talking about some real money.

With another huge quarterly loss now in its rearview mirror, General Motors Corp. faces the ominous task of raising revenue by selling cars rather than trucks.

But even with plans to boost production of its hot-selling fuel-efficient models and cut output of unpopular trucks and sport utility vehicles, the company is running short on time if it keeps burning through more than $1 billion in cash every month.

GM on Friday reported a $15.5 billion second-quarter loss, the third-worst quarterly performance in its nearly 100-year history. Through the first half of the year it used up more than $7 billion in cash, including $3.6 billion from April through June.

Imagine that? GM losing money and market share because they got used to making 50% profit of SUVs and pickups. Did they learn nothing from the 70s?

Posted 8/03/2008 04:42:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out fluoridated water is bad for your brain.

According to ISFR conference organizer, Dr. Hardy Limeback, “Our conference features experts who researched the dangers that fluoride poses to human health. Our keynote speaker, Dr. A.K. Susheela, (Executive Director, Fluorosis Research and Rural Development Foundation, India) probably knows more about fluoride's toxic effects to the body than any other living scientist. It is important that officials who promote water fluoridation hear what she and others have to say," says Limeback.

Gen. Jack D. Ripper approves:

Posted 8/03/2008 04:32:00 PM by Douglas

This anthrax crap just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Did he do it, did he not? Why did he kill himself?

The FBI eventually focused on Ivins, whom federal prosecutors were planning to indict when he committed suicide last week. In interviews yesterday, knowledgeable officials asserted that Ivins had the skills and access to equipment needed to turn anthrax bacteria into an ultra-fine powder that could be used as a lethal weapon. Court documents and tapes also reveal a therapist's deep concern that Ivins, 62, was homicidal and obsessed with the notion of revenge.

Or:

"I really don't think he's the guy. I say to the FBI, 'Show me your evidence,' " said Jeffrey J. Adamovicz, former director of the bacteriology division at the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute for Infectious Diseases, or USAMRIID, on the grounds of the sprawling Army fort in Frederick. "A lot of the tactics they used were designed to isolate him from his support. The FBI just continued to push his buttons."

[. . .]

"USAMRIID doesn't deal with powdered anthrax," said Richard O. Spertzel, a former biodefense scientist who worked with Ivins at the Army lab. "I don't think there's anyone there who would have the foggiest idea how to do it. You would need to have the opportunity, the capability and the motivation, and he didn't possess any of those."

[. . .]

"As well as we knew each other, and the way the labs were run, someone would discover what was going on," said the scientist, "especially since dry spores were not something that we prepared or worked with."

[. . .]

Jaye Holly, who lived next door to the Ivinses until she and her husband moved to New York a month ago, said she couldn't believe that her former neighbor, who was obsessed with grass recycling and who happily drove a 20-year-old faded red van, would endanger others for financial gain.

"I can't imagine him being involved in a scheme to make money or to make a profit, especially one that would put people at risk or even die," Holly said. "That's not the Bruce we knew. He was sweet, friendly. I mean, he was into grass recycling."

Anyone that recycles can't be evil, right? Regardless, this doesn't sound like the kind of guy that kills himself chick-style with a bottle of pills.

Posted 8/01/2008 05:43:00 PM by Douglas

Have the geniuses at MIT discovered the hydrogen tree?

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have combined a liquid catalyst with photovoltaic cells to achieve what they claim is a solar energy system that could generate electricity around the clock.

A liquid catalyst was added to water before electrolysis to achieve what the researchers claim is almost 100-percent efficiency. When combined with photovoltaic cells to store energy chemically, the resulting solar energy systems could generate electricity around the clock, the MIT team said.

"The hard part of getting water to split is not the hydrogen -- platinum as a catalyst works fine for the hydrogen. But platinum works very poorly for oxygen, making you use much more energy," said MIT chemistry professor Daniel Nocera. "What we have done is made a catalyst work for the oxygen part without any extra energy. In fact, with our catalyst almost 100 percent of the current used for electrolysis goes into making oxygen and hydrogen."

Interesting. If successful, it could change the world, considering how much water is in the world. But for now, it smells a lot like turkey guts to me.

Posted 8/01/2008 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Any longtime reader to Althouse's screed against men in shorts knows how dopey we look. Leave it to The New York Times to really take this premise and run with it. Those dudes make me want to punch them in the throat.

FIRST came Casual Fridays, that dread episode in the history of fashion, with their invitation for men to trade in suits for Dockers and to swap a proper shirt and tie for an open neck and a daring flash of masculine décolletage.

Then the bare ankle migrated from country-club Saturdays to meeting-room Mondays and suddenly men, whether shod in wingtips or loafers, were widely seen without socks. Now it appears that, after some stops and starts in recent seasons, the men of the white collar work force are marching into the office in shorts.

No thanks. I know Althouse like to make fun of sloppily dressed guys in shorts in Wisconsin, but in Texas where it's 90º+ six months of the year, you might have a better case for it. You still look like a dope, though.

Posted 8/01/2008 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

If the government could pass a law that would keep me from being annoyed by some obnoxious jack-hole in an airplane, I'd vote for it, but this is blatant manipulation by the FCC, not the FAA.

A bill that would stifle in-flight cellular calls despite emerging technologies that finally make them feasible is headed for the U.S. House of Representatives.

The proposed Halting Airplane Noise to Give Us Peace (HANG UP) Act was approved by the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee on a voice vote Thursday. It would make permanent the long-standing ban on such calls by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) and Federal Communications Commission. The next stop for the bill will be the full House, after which companion legislation would also have to be passed by the Senate and signed by President George W. Bush. A companion measure has been introduced as part of an FAA reauthorization measure in the Senate.

I'm sure the Verizon approved phone will be perfectly acceptable when they figure out a way to make their 50¢ a minute phone work for idiots that have to tell their baby's daddy about the baggage handler.