Posted 6/21/2007 10:39:00 PM by Douglas

So long, stumpy!

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/20/2007 09:03:00 PM by Douglas

I'm sick. I'm sick of whining about my arborcide, I'm sick of bitching about heartless, ignorant oil companies and I'm sick of knowing that Al Gore might kick my ass for increasing my carbon footprint.

So here's a picture of a chick with big tits:

I'm going to bed.

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/20/2007 08:33:00 PM by Douglas

Well it's all over but the crying, which isn't expected to cease anytime soon. I understand the how of a heartless company spending so much money to come in and destroy my back yard, but I still can't get my mind around the why. If the stupid answer costs more money, why do they go forward with it? Oh yeah, because they only make a $55,000 a minute. But I digress. Here it is, my beautiful stump:

I really couldn't be mean to the guys that did it. For the most part, they were sweating their asses off doing a shitty job, and rather pleasant to me throughout. But here's a few before and after shots. Hey look, there's a tree:

Hey, where'd that tree go?

OK, here's what really, really, really pisses me off about this. I found out from one of my tree murderers today that when they fly over their pipeline, they're looking for seeping oil. What the fuck? Do they think that line of sight from the air is their first defense against a leaking crude oil pipeline? This is a residential neighborhood. If there's oil seeping in my lawn, I'm going to A) rent a derek or B) call the pipeline owner. Having me living happily over their pipe and under my fucking tree is the best protection their pipe has, because I know I'll report the leak long before they do their fly-by. But I digress. The arborcide is a done deal. They've attempted to placate me (and I've attempted to explain to them what "placate" means) with enough "upgrades" to my yard to make me forget the lunacy they say is necessary. Here are some more picts, from the front. It really gives a better perspective of how big Oaky really was:

And then there's this:

But at the end of the day, it's just a tree. That tree wasn't going to cure cancer, end political strife in the Middle East, or even sneak Paris Hilton any menthols in prison. It was just a tree, and it had about 50 good years, but last night I made this promise to her: No matter where I am, no matter how dire the circumstance is, under absolutely no situation will I ever give a dime, knowingly, to Anglo-Saxon Petroleum. I don't care if I'm bleeding out the eye sockets and it's the only gas available. I'm hoofin' it, and I'm hoofin' it for you, Oaky.

She would have done the same for me.

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/20/2007 11:09:00 AM by Douglas

About 50 years ago, someone, possibly a hungry squirrel, planted an acorn on a piece of dirt that was to become my back yard. Since the house has only been here for a little over 30 years, I have to assume that the builder realized the value of such a majestic Oak tree and left it intact, and for the last three decades, the house and tree have lived in harmony.

But what the squirrel didn't know is that he planed his nut on top of a 30 foot petroleum pipeline easement owned by a multi-national oil company that kinda sounds like the urine of this animal. Turns out they want to fly over and observe their pipeline, and their fancy imaging techniques can see through several feet of dirt, but somehow my oak tree was fucking it all up. So this morning they came to commit arborcide:

This just really sucks. For one, I can hear the chain saws as I type this, and it just makes me wonder WHY? Sure it's their easement, but does this make any sense? Sending some guy to walk it off every year has got to be cheaper than this. There's about 20 guys hanging around in my yard right now. I could sit around and whine about it, which is what I'm going to do, anyway, but I just want to cry. And if one more of those guys tells me "look how much better your lawn will grow now that all that shade is gone" I'm going to have to give him a chain saw enema.

Labels: arborcide