Posted 5/31/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

If you've got a helicopter that can land on the top of Mt. Everest or Mt. Qomolangma as the Chinese call it, I don't think you need to need to worry about any more altitude records.

Eurocopter, the European helicopter maker, has said it had landed a helicopter on the top of Mount Everest in a world first.

The Ecureuil/AStar AS350B3 helicopter landed May 14 at 8,850 meters atop the Himalayan peak, setting a new world record for high-altitude landings and takeoffs, Eurocopter said in a statement on its Website on Tuesday.

The aircraft, flown by test pilot Didier Delsalle, took off from a Nepalese base camp of Lukla, and remained atop the peak for more than two minutes, Eurocopter said.

What a remarkable feat for such an unremarkable looking aircraft

Posted 5/31/2005 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

It's comical, really that this kind of thing isn't get more press. Where's the liberal media when you need 'em?

THE IMPEACHMENT of President Bush and Vice President Cheney, under Article II, Section 4 of the Constitution, should be part of mainstream political discourse.

Minutes from a summer 2002 meeting involving British Prime Minister Tony Blair reveal that the Bush administration was ''fixing" the intelligence to justify invading Iraq. US intelligence used to justify the war demonstrates repeatedly the truth of the meeting minutes -- evidence was thin and needed fixing.

President Clinton was impeached for perjury about his sexual relationships. Comparing Clinton's misbehavior to a destructive and costly war occupation launched in March 2003 under false pretenses in violation of domestic and international law certainly merits introduction of an impeachment resolution.

Eighty-nine members of Congress have asked the president whether intelligence was manipulated to lead the United States to war. The letter points to British meeting minutes that raise ''troubling new questions regarding the legal justifications for the war." Those minutes describe the case for war as ''thin" and Saddam as ''nonthreatening to his neighbors," and ''Britain and America had to create conditions to justify a war." Finally, military action was ''seen as inevitable . . . But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy."

I certainly don't want to join the ranks of the "No One Died when Clinton Lied" crowd, but where's the outcry for Presidential accountability? The "smoking gun" memo will hopefully stir the pot a little bit.

Posted 5/31/2005 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

The party on Galveston Island just got a little bit more tame.

In addition to the long line of vehicles waiting to get on the Bolivar Ferry, beachgoers now must contend with zero-tolerance police crackdowns that netted about 50 arrests and even more tickets this Memorial Day weekend.

Those arrested, including at least 14 on Monday, were charged with violations such as cutting in the line of traffic waiting for the ferry, having expired inspection or registration stickers, not wearing seat belts and being minors in possession of alcohol.

From every indication I've ever seen, I thought being drunk, sunburned and loud was a requriement to ride the ferry. I guess not.

Posted 5/31/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

And now for absolutely no reason, here's a pretty interesting site I stumbled across about Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick I like the URL, "yTedK", and I like the Plato quote:

The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.

Actually, I found this (don't ask) from the Wikipedia site for old Teddy, and I both alarmed and pleased to see my favourite Ted listed there on Wikipedia's page:

Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.

It's still true.

Posted 5/30/2005 03:15:00 PM by Douglas

The Blog's quote of the day:

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."

You know who you are. Probably.

Posted 5/30/2005 03:13:00 PM by Douglas

Ever wonder why your priest can't get married? Because some bishop in 1139 said so. Makes it all that more relevant, doesn't it?

I highly recommend the tab chronological list of Ecumenical councils, if you have any questions as to where the unquestioned and Holy word of God came from: It came from these guys.

Posted 5/30/2005 03:09:00 PM by Douglas

A blog without a cat is like a day without sunshine. So here's yet another picture of Lola. She's put on a few pounds since her days in the pound, but she's still nuts. And she loves to sleep with her junk in the air.

Posted 5/30/2005 03:07:00 PM by Douglas

And now, for my edification only [like there's anyone else reading this tripe], here's the list of categories of when Cliff Clavin was on Jeopardy!:

• Civil Servants
• Stamps from around the world
• Mothers & Sons
• Beer
• Bar Trivia
• Celibacy

I'll take "People who have never been in my kitchen" for $1,000, Alex.

Posted 5/29/2005 11:08:00 AM by Douglas

Hey, Robby: Why don't you drop 100 pounds and quit your bitching.

Robby Gordon accused Danica Patrick of having an unfair advantage in the Indianapolis 500 and said Saturday he will not compete in the race again unless the field is equalized.

Gordon, a former open-wheel driver now in NASCAR, contends that Patrick is at an advantage over the rest of the competitors because she only weighs 100 pounds. Because all the cars weigh the same, Patrick's is lighter on the race track.

"The lighter the car, the faster it goes," Gordon said. "Do the math. Put her in the car at her weight, then put me or Tony Stewart in the car at 200 pounds and our car is at least 100 pounds heavier.

"I won't race against her until the IRL does something to take that advantage away."

Someone should take him to the Kentucky Derby and show him a 200 pound jockey. Oh right, there aren't any.

If he's really serious, what he's asking the IRL to do is mandate a weigh-in before every race and adjust each car's weight to that of the driver's so that every car weighs the same. But what he should do is shut his damn mouth and pass on the all you can eat ribs buffet a few times and take the advantage himself.

Posted 5/29/2005 11:01:00 AM by Douglas

And She's Cute!

Posted 5/29/2005 10:38:00 AM by Douglas

Castrated Sex-offender back in jail. Yeah, I know, what a shocker

A former YMCA camp counselor convicted of molesting 40 children was back in jail on Saturday and accused of violating his parole.

David Wayne Jones, who pleaded guilty in 1991 in exchange for just 15 years in prison, had been living in a halfway house. He was arrested Friday by Dallas police and was jailed Saturday with no bail set.

Dallas police did not return a telephone call placed by The Associated Press seeking comment on Jones' alleged parole violation.

Jones, who underwent voluntary surgical castration in March 2004, was scheduled to have a civil commitment hearing next month to determine whether he is still a violent sexual predator and whether he continues to require state supervision.

"I have changed," Jones told The Dallas Morning News on Thursday. "I have made quite a contribution to my rehabilitation."

I wonder what he was charged with? The pessimist in me says it wasn't for too many late charges at Block Buster. This story just keeps on getting weirder.

Posted 5/28/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

P.J. O'Rourke can be funny, when he has to, and I think he may be on to something here with his idea of progressive taxation.

What is the least damaging way to tax the media and entertainment industry? The first response that comes to mind is "Who cares?"

And as that great Republican think tank, the Bible, puts it, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose" . . . the next election. An indirect tax is best, being proportional in its effects and producing "flat tax" outcomes. I propose a tax on raw materials.

You know what would make this even funnier? If you could be sure that he was joking.

Actually the resource upon which the media and entertainment industry depends is not fame but its toxic run-off, celebrity. America has vast proven reserves. I bought the May 23 issue of a magazine devoted to vulgar public notice. Its contents suggest that Sartre was ever so slightly misquoted on the nature of perdition: Hell is People. What have I ever done to deserve being exposed to Paris Hilton's Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, wearing four designer outfits? This was in a photo spread titled "Dogs Are Children Too!" Also featured was Tori Spelling's pug dressed as Little Orphan Annie and a quote from Oprah Winfrey about her cocker spaniel, Sophie: "I have a daughter."

Why the hell does Paris Hilton still have a job, and what the hell, exactly, is her job? Every time she does an appearance, she owes the standard $10,000 annoying tax. [$15,000 if her dog is dressed up.]

I suggest, therefore, a Celebrity Tax with a low-end base rate of, mmm, 100 percent. Furthermore, let's make the tax progressive to get some Democrats on board. (Probably not including Hillary, Ted, and Barney Frank. They'll be working nights and weekends to pay up.) Given the modest talent of current celebrities and the immodest example they set for impressionable youth, we'll call it a "Value Subtracted Tax," or, better, a "Family Value Subtracted Tax." And it will be calculated on the celebrity's net worth.

Family Value Subtracted Tax. Perfect. If only we could get Bill O'Reilly, Al Franken, Sean Hannity and Michael Moore to become subject to this tax, I think we could actually be on to something.

People (and by "people" I mean contestants on American Idol) are willing to invest all that they have in the faint hope they'll receive a fleeting and worthless moment as the center of attention for an audience of bored idiots. (If you doubt me, compel yourself to watch an episode, regrettably available on DVD and video, of Jackass.) Tax the media and entertainment industry at a million percent and it will continue to produce a surplus of celebrities with Stakhanovite labor heroism.

Boy, he's nailed the American Idol contestants right on the nose, didn't he? And I can't be mad at anyone that uses the Stakhanovite term in an article, but only because I know what it means.

Labels: P.J. O'Rourke

Posted 5/26/2005 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

As the headline says, "good fences make good neighbors." Unless the fence costs the neighbor $45,000. This story is pretty amazing, yet not that unimaginable. Synopsis from The Agitator.

Cliff's Notes version: Lawyer leaves the hustle and bustle of firm life to do some farming, and buys a tract of land in rural Caroline County, Virginia. He decides he'll build a herd of world-class Angus cattle, and takes advantage of a ninteenth-century law that says if you build a fence, you can charge the adjoining land owner half the costs of putting it up. He buys the most expesnive kind of fence he can find, then sends the bills to his new neighbors, most of them elderly and retired. The most expensive bill goes to a guy named Perry Brooks, for $45,000.

Lawsuits ensue, and ultimately the Virginia Supreme Court unfathomably find the fence law constitutional.

Mr. Brooks has some cattle of his own, and one of his bulls -- ironically enough -- gets through the expensive fence, and taints the high-fallutin' lawyer's world-class herd.

Somebody ends up dead. And it's not the bull.

Flannery O'Connor could have written this story. Except it isn't fiction.

You don't even have to be neighborly, but is it too much to ask to just not be a total dick?

Posted 5/26/2005 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Conan O'Brien is really funny, so read his predictions about the future of television.

Finally, all of this technological and creative innovation will yield the ultimate Television Society. In an effort to bring Red and Blue states together, one giant plasma screen, four miles high, will rise from the central Plains, visible from both coasts. In accordance with the amended Constitution, the president will be the only one with the authority to touch the remote, which a nearby Marine will carry in a briefcase. Everyone will complain that there are a million channels on the Nebraska-Tron and nothing worth watching, but when the occasional prophet suggests turning the damn thing off, the nation collectively mutters something about "just another 20 minutes..."

Kind of ironic that he's slapping at the hand that feeds him, but it doesn't make it any less true.

Posted 5/26/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Holy crap this is wrong, it's just wrong. Actually, I don't think "wrong" is the correct word for it. I think it's called prostitution. At least I would, if they didn't also have this sister (bad joke) site, "rent my son."

Sometimes I'm even embarrassed I exist on the same planet with these people.

Posted 5/25/2005 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Have you ever wanted to be talked down to while playing 20 questions with Darth Vader? Well now here's your chance. From the fine folks that brought you the chicken that was eager to please.

Posted 5/24/2005 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

Reasonable people might disagree, but I don't think it's a bad idea to deny taxpayer-funded Viagra to convicted sex-offenders. But do ya think they could have found a better way to describe the legislation?

Hours after Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott announced that nearly 200 registered sex offenders have received erectile dysfunction drugs through Medicaid, legislators Tuesday scrambled to plug the loophole. [Emphasis obviously not needed]

I'll admit I've got a bit of a sick mind, but jeez.

Posted 5/24/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

Art is supposed to be subjective, right? Does anyone in London know what anachronistic means?

Fake prehistoric rock art of a caveman with a shopping trolley has been hung on the walls of the British Museum.

The rock was put there by art prankster Banksy, who has previously put works in galleries in London and New York.

A British Museum spokeswoman said they were "seeing the lighter side of it". She said it went unnoticed for one or two days but Banksy said three days.

What other side besides the "lighter side" is there when some joker makes a total farce of your life's work?

Posted 5/24/2005 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

England truly is the land of the Splendid loos.

Guests enjoyed a champagne reception under Oxford Circus, as a four-piece orchestra played.

The free facilities re-opened on Friday after a two-year £300,000 refit, during which CCTV, damage resistant surfaces and unbreakable lights were fitted.

The toilets also provide full-time attendants and surfaces are graffiti-proof and scratch-proof.

CCTV cameras cover the main floor of the lavatories and the lights, based on prison designs, are unbreakable.

Just what I'm looking for in my high-end pisser: A prison designed unbreakable camera that shows me pissing down my leg and convincing myself in the mirror that life really is worth living.

Posted 5/24/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

Are you anxiously awaiting a Paul Anka cover of Smells like Teen Spirit? Neither is the rest of the English speaking world, but it's upon us.

Posted 5/24/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

What an incredible time to be alive. And to think, you don't have to eat 40 hot-dogs anymore to get the dog/bun ratio to come out right.

Hot dogs and hot-dog buns are sold in different quantities, but that is going to change beginning today.

Vienna Beef and Alpha Baking Co., which manufactures S. Rosen's buns, promise to sell the buns and hot dogs in the same numbers.

According to a news release, the companies will sign a formal "piece" treaty, vowing to package hot dogs and buns in quantities of eight.

Hot dogs now are sold eight to a pack, and buns are sold with six or 12 in a pack, the news release stated. In order to have an even cookout, chefs must buy 24 of each to ensure that every dog has a breaded mate.

And I bet these guys aren't even up for a Nobel Prize. For shame.

Posted 5/24/2005 05:01:00 PM by Douglas

Government taking your money, part [shit, I lost count]. Should beef producers be mandatorily forced to contribute to the national advertising campaign "Beef, it's what's for dinner?" Well, today, the United States Supreme Court said yes.

A divided U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Monday that the federal government can have cattle ranchers pay for an industry marketing program, known for its "Beef, It's What's for Dinner" advertisements.

By a 6-3 vote, the high court handed a victory to the government. It said the generic advertising at issue is the government's own speech and therefore exempt from the First Amendment free-speech challenge that had been brought.

Maybe it's just me, and I'll admit, I'm a bit reactionary, but the phrase "victory to the government" leaves an incredibly bad taste in my mouth. The government needs a victory? The entity that can take your house, take a third of your income (off the top, mind you), force you into compulsory military service (if they so desire) and finally, legally take your life? The government needs a victory? I digress.

The U.S. Agriculture Department operates a number of promotion programs for commodities such as beef, pork, eggs, milk and cotton. Producers of the commodities must contribute to funds that pay for programs that encourage consumption.

The ruling in the beef case could affect similar cases pending before the Supreme Court on the pork checkoff program known for "Pork: The Other White Meat" campaign; the "Got Milk?" dairy advertisements with milk mustaches on celebrity faces; and a state-run program promoting alligator products.

So the government can force the produces to pay for advertising, because it's government sponsored. You always knew those subsidies didn't come cheap, bitches.

Justice Antonin Scalia said the message is effectively controlled by the federal government. He said the agriculture secretary has final approval authority over every word in every promotional campaign.

So since the Secretary of Agriculture has final approval, it's OK? And they call Scalia conservative? What a statist whore he's become.

One time I was trying to buy a car in the greater Houston Metro Area. The salesman told me I had to pay for the "advertising fee," which was basically the portion that their dealership was responsible for bringing me the bright, shiny TV commercials about how great this particular car was. I told him there's no way in hell I'm paying for that, and if the manufacturer isn't smart enough to roll advertising costs into the cost of the vehicle, then I'm not going to waste my money. After many sessions of pointless yelling and slapping, I got my way, and didn't pay it.

But the Supreme Court wasn't involved.

Posted 5/23/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Please be sure your M-16 is safely stowed in the overhead compartment. Your fingernail files? Sorry, but we have to confiscate those.

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Be sure and scroll down to the 5/19/05 entry:

Speaking to 280 fellow soldiers before they boarded a chartered DC-10 at the start of their marathon flight from Savannah to Kuwait City earlier this week, King was thunderous, blunt and well armed with an M-16 rifle slung over his shoulder.

"Interfering with a flight crew is a serious crime," he told them. "Don't be stupid. Don't be a moron. Don't even joke about going to Havana. That's not where we're headed today."

King, who in civilian life is the Doraville police chief, rolled his eyes at the FAA regulation that requires soldiers -- all of whom were armed with an arsenal of assault rifles, shotguns and pistols -- to surrender pocket knives, nose hair scissors and cigarette lighters.

"If you have any of those things," he said, almost apologetically, "put them in this box now."

Your bayonet and military rifle are ok, but you simply can't get on that airplane with a fingernail file. . . .

If that doesn't epitomize the stupidity of the current TSA foolishness, I don't know what does.

Posted 5/22/2005 02:22:00 PM by Douglas

Must. Have. Texas. Grill. Man I gotta get me one of these.

Posted 5/22/2005 01:41:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes I think that the Texas legislature is functionally retarded. I honestly didn't know that a life sentence with no parole wasn't even an option in Texas, nor could I have guessed that there are members of the Leg that are fighting it.

In Texas, the state that leads the nation in executions, lawmakers are considering an option already available in all but one other death penalty state: life without parole. Death penalty opponents think a sentence that would ensure murderers never get back on the streets would make a death sentence less appealing.

Currently, juries in Texas capital murder cases here have two choices — death or life in prison with the possibility of parole after 40 years.

A measure approving life without parole passed the Senate last month but has stalled in the House, with the session set to end May 30.

How could it be a bad thing if juries had more options? Right now the choice for capital murder is the chance of parole after 40 years, or death. So are they worried that if the 'no parole' option is on the books, there will be fewer death penalties handed down? Well, yes:

But many lawmakers and prosecutors are skeptical of life without parole, saying it would decrease the number of death sentences and their ability to deter crime.

"If you take away the ultimate penalty, maybe it's not enough of an incentive to stay out of trouble," said Rep. Beverly Woolley, a Houston Republican.

Deter crime? I don't know where I come down on the whole death penalty issue, but I never really bought that 'deter crime' argument. Texas executes more people than the other 49 states put together, so if it's such a great deterrent, why is there still crime in Texas?

And really, when you consider deterrents, which is worse: Dieing in prison 40 years from now after a lifetime of incarceration, or dieing in 5 years after your appeals are up from a needle in the arm?

Posted 5/22/2005 01:20:00 PM by Douglas

My congressman, Dr. Ron Paul. You should be so lucky to be represented by such a person.

An obstetrician-gynecologist who occasionally delivers babies for free, he has been nicknamed "Dr. No" because of his legislative votes, which frequently conflict with the position of his Republican colleagues and the White House. This week Paul was the only member of the House to vote against a homeland security appropriations bill.

Now, Paul's libertarian-leaning votes speak for the people of Galveston and many suburbs of Houston rather than only the rice farms, coastal plains and Austin bedroom communities that he represented in earlier terms.

This philosophy has led Paul to vote against bills that could help his home district, including federal farm subsidies, welfare initiatives and government housing programs.

Paul's "yes" votes follow traditional libertarian values: lowering or abolishing federal taxes, slashing government spending and limiting federal regulation and international intervention.

Maybe he won't run unopposed in 2006, and I'll actually have a reason to vote.

Posted 5/22/2005 01:12:00 PM by Douglas

Although it's a bit silly and kinda creepy, I found myself enjoying this for reasons I can't really explain. Anyone that's tried to eat while crying would understand completely.

Posted 5/19/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Texas Senators, packing heat. Even the skirt.

he may be able to hang a giant Lone Star flag outside her office, but Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison said today there's one part of her Texas culture she couldn't bring to the nation's capital — her handgun.

Hutchison said she didn't know when she arrived from Austin in 1993 that the District of Columbia prohibits keeping a fully assembled handgun in the home. The district's ban has been in place since 1975.

Hutchison, a Republican who is considering a 2006 run for Texas governor, introduced legislation today to lift the ban. If the bill passes she said she would keep a gun in her D.C. home.

In Texas, even ex-cheerleaders are packin' heat.

Posted 5/19/2005 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

The complete idiocy of the War on Drugs at work

A 50-year-old man was found guilty Thursday of keeping large amounts of drugs along with assault rifles and a machine gun in a house that was within 1,000 feet of an elementary school.

The federal jury convicted Raul Javier Stevens, 50, of three separate counts: conspiracy to possess with intent to distribute more than 100 kilograms of marijuana; possession with intent to distribute 300 pounds of marijuana; and committing the drug trafficking offense within 1,000 feet of a school.

First off, how could "300 pounds" and "100 kilograms" be two separate counts? 100 Kilograms isn't the same as 300 pounds, so are there two separate charges based on different units? That doesn't make any sense.

Also, if anyone has that much weed, they are probably trying to distribute it, so the charge is probably gonna stick, but "within 1,000 feet of a school?" What the hell does that have to do with it? I know the laws are even more ridiculous when it comes to schools, but does the guy deserve a life sentence just because of the unfortunate geography of his apartment? Obviously, the DEA says yes.

Well, if that's not enough, he did have some guns and some coke. That's gotta be worth something, but when are we going to stop locking up people under life sentences for a plant that grows naturally on almost every continent on earth?

Posted 5/19/2005 05:19:00 PM by Douglas

These magnetic ribbons have gone too far, but at least now, you can personalize them to show the depth (or more common, the lack of depth) of your character:

---

And for the nihilist in your life:

Posted 5/19/2005 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

There's a special place in hell for people like this.

A man convicted of animal cruelty for taping a dog's mouth shut was sentenced to two years in state jail on Wednesday.

The Labrador retriever named "Bull" had to be put to death after suffering a heat stroke in July.

In addition to the two-year sentence, a Denton County jury also fined Richard Swift, 43, of The Colony, $5,000. The two-year sentence was the maximum for the charge.

Investigators initially said the man taped the dog's mouth shut to prevent it from barking. Experts say taping a dog's mouth shut prevents the animal from panting, which helps it stay cool.

I hope Mr. Swift doesn't get too hot in his TDCJ cell when he's getting pounded in the ass.

Posted 5/19/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a pretty good sign you might be using too much hormones in your cattle:

This photo provided by rancher Shane Jennings shows a 5-legged, 6-hooved calf that was born last week on a ranch east of Tucumcari, N.M. The calf, a Limousin heifer owned by Orlando Romero of Sapello, N.M., was delivered naturally and is in otherwise good physical condition.

Sometimes I wish I had an extra leg. Think how much fun it'd be at parties!

Posted 5/19/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

I stand corrected. Satire isn't dead. But there's a lot of things that God hates. Check Leviticus for further questions.

Posted 5/18/2005 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

What's even dumber than shucking out thousands of dollars so you can show up to your buddy's wedding? When they ask you to help pay for their madness.

Georgia Lawther-Richmond, 27, from New York went to a wedding in Oregon recently. Instead of sending out a traditional gift list, the bride and groom posted an Internet appeal for contributions towards wedding and honeymoon items. Lawther-Richmond offered to split the cost of the honeymoon rental car. “We sent the money straight to the travel agent,” she said. With an average New York wedding costing USD 40,000, the big day is often beyond the means of parents and couples. Wesley Puryear and Valerie Hernandez are able to spend USD 51,000 on their August nuptials, complete with a string quartets, by tapping guests for USD 150 a head to recover half the cost. Wells Fargo bank has set up a “Wishing Well” service. “Instead of registering for dishes and wall hangings, have your guests help out with the burdens of the cost of the wedding itself,” it advises.

It's time to stop the insanity. Why would these idiots even want to shuck out $50K for one day of a crappy party with their loser family and their new loser in-laws?

Posted 5/18/2005 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

In case you wanted to know what kind of idiot shit your congressmen are up to, check this out. Sometimes I think it's better not to know.

Posted 5/18/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Open season on feral sheep on the big island.

Volunteers must have completed a hunter safety course and be physically and mentally able to hike for at least eight hours over rough and rocky terrain in cold, wet weather. They are required to have a State of Hawaii hunting license, a reliable four-wheel drive vehicle, and a registered center fire rifle. Archery equipment, handguns, and muzzleloaders will not be permitted. There will be no bag limit and volunteers will be encouraged to salvage the meat.

Mmmmm. . . Hawaiian mutton.

Posted 5/16/2005 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

The blog has long been an advocate of equality, and I've made no qualms about my support to see women take a piss down their leg just like men do. But leave it to The Sneeze to catalog and review all the products that are available to assist women to urinate while standing up.

What a simply marvelous time to be alive. . .

Posted 5/16/2005 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

I'm not quite sure why this story of American eugenics is surfacing again. The last instance of this happened over 30 years ago.

From the early 1900s to the 1970s, some 65,000 men and women were sterilized in this country, many without their knowledge, as part of a government eugenics program to keep so-called undesirables from reproducing.

"The procedures that were done here were done to poor folks," said Steven Selden, professor at the University of Maryland. "They were thought to be poor because they had bad genes or bad inheritance, if you will. And so they would be the focus of the sterilization."

I've weighed in on this one before, and it's really too disgusting to research any further. But for Google's sake, every time I post the word "eugenics", I will post the words "Margaret Sanger." The maven of the 20th century feminist movement that advocated the mass sterilization of "indigents, imbeciles, and blacks." Presumably, those were three different groups, but you never can tell with Ms. Sanger, may she long rot.

Posted 5/16/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Via Dr. Brian. I'm 29 only because of the drinking questions.

You Are 29 Years Old

29 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Posted 5/16/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

Are you worried that perhaps your bumper isn't doing its part when it comes to representing your political and/or Judeo-Christian beliefs? Well, this might be for you. Sure, some magnetic mantras adhered to your SUV describe your Christian theology, or your approval of Bush's Republican agenda. But there isn't a magnetic sign to put on your car that sums up both of them. Until now.

Join the millions of Americans who believe that President Bush’s faith-based administration presents the best hope for America’s future.

Let's forget about religion and politics for a second. If you think that Bush if the 'best hope for America's future,' then we're in worse shape than I thought.

Posted 5/14/2005 01:36:00 PM by Douglas

Went to yet another Astro's game this week, and I must admit, it was pretty cool. Got some sweet seats (from my company) down in section 125, and after I got over the notion of being pegged in the noodle with a foul ball or broken bat, it was pretty cool. Even though the Astros lost, paying $11.25 for a beer and some peanuts seemed somehow acceptable, even though I know it isn't.

Since I'd never sat that close to the action before, for some reason I just couldn't get this SNL sketch out of my head. It's from 1989, and it's George Will's Sports Machine:

George F. Will: Very well. [ $100 card under category is removed, revealing question ] "Like freedom, baseball is that stake where energy and order merge, and all complexity is purified into a simple coherence." Piffle, or not piffle?

Mike Schmidt: Uh.. piffle.

[ bell sounds ]

George F. Will: That is correct, it's absolute piffle. It's baseball's complexity, not its purity, that instills in us our freedom, and you have $100.

Tommy Lasorda: Hey, wait a minute! What's this piffle crap? What kind of question is that?

Definitely piffle. Hey, it could be worse. It could be Denver.

Posted 5/14/2005 01:26:00 PM by Douglas

Obviously not all politicians have to undergo sensitivity training. At least Mexican President Vincente Fox wasn't paying attention, else he would have reconsidered before making this statement:

"There is no doubt that Mexicans, filled with dignity, willingness and ability to work are doing jobs that not even blacks want to do there in the United States," he said in a speech broadcast in part on local radio and reported on newspaper web sites.

So what's worse? These dignity laden Mexicans are forced to do menial labor in the United States that's not even fit for blacks, or that Fox is the president of a Third-world country rampant with so much abject poverty that his own government has to produce instructional literature exemplifying ways to enter the United States illegally? That one's too close to call.

Posted 5/13/2005 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Subway if finally getting rid of their free-sandwich stamp deal. It was just a matter of time, considering how much they've started to suck lately.

The nation’s second-largest fast-food franchise has halted its red and purple voucher program. Triad customers have about three months to cash in their stamps for sandwiches.

A Subway spokesman called the stamps “antiquated,” citing the need for customers to lick them.

“It’s something from the ’60s,” Les Winograd said. “You actually have to put your stamp on the card.”

Ya know what's not "antiquated" or from the '60s? Paying over $5 for some meat between some undercooked bread. There's just no need that a damn sammich should cost some so much, but apparently, I'm not alone in thinking this:

“If they’re going to charge $6.50 (for a value meal) every time you come in, they’ve got to do something,” said Greensboro resident Wes Treadaway, who ate Tuesday at a Battleground Avenue location. “For $6.50 you can go to a grocery store and make your own.”

Never underestimate how much we'll pay for the convenience of fast food, but this is getting out of hand.

Posted 5/13/2005 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Radley Balko has an interesting article about the final days of Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson and how his last days serve as a parable to the asininity of the current drug war.

In the article, we learn that as Wilson was dying of emphysema, he — the man who has inspired millions to kick the bottle — asked his caretakers for three shots of whiskey. Over his last days, he asked three more times for a drink. He was never given one.

Cheever says she was "shocked and horrified" that Wilson would want whiskey on his deathbed, and confesses that her "blood ran cold" when she read of his request in the nurses' logs of the last days of his life. Though she doesn't say so explicitly, the implication is that Cheever — and I would imagine a good percentage of people who read Drehle's article — took relief in the fact that the man who founded Alcoholics Anonymous remained clean and sober to the very end.

Why, exactly? I guess I could understand how Bill's last drink would been seen by someone trying to quit drinking as a defeat of their strongest ally, but in doing so, you'd have to overlook all of alcohol's medicinal effects. Which, I believe, is exactly Balko's point here. The "War on Drugs" has gone so haywire (as he goes on to exemplify in the article) that the legal (and dare I say, moral) aspects of drugs are the primary source of consideration, while their medicinal purposes are secondary.

Wow. That last sentence makes sense. It's 2005 and "medicines" (whatever that means) not only have to function medicinally, but also have to pass muster legally and morally.

Because if I'm in chronic and persistent pain, and licking moth balls and poking myself in the ear with a rusty nail while listening to Celine Dion CDs makes my pain go away, you can guess what I'll be doing.

Posted 5/11/2005 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

From The Onion. I think I'm going to hold off for a while before I get one of these:

Posted 5/11/2005 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

Check out this link if you think your house is getting a bit cluttered.

Ebay: Use it with moderation, people.

Posted 5/11/2005 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Man, I'm reading The Onion too much today. This is a bit too true to be funny.

"If we outlawed everything some people find offensive, there wouldn't even be a Texas in the first place."

Ha! Sounds like it's time to secede.

Posted 5/11/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

For some reason, I had to bust out the Hawaii pictures today. It's just one of those days. I'm sure there are a lot more people on that black sand beach right now (since that picture was taken in December), but I have to imagine that it is desolate. I have no other choice.

Posted 5/10/2005 05:01:00 PM by Douglas

Jesus Christ walks among us. In West Virginia, no less.

Even Jesus Christ can't circumvent the rules for getting a driver's license in West Virginia.

Attempts to prove his name really is Christ have led the man born as Peter Robert Phillips Jr. through a lengthy legal battle and a recent victory in the District of Columbia Court of Appeals.

"This all started with him expressing his faith and his respect and love for Jesus Christ," attorney A.P. Pishevar told The Associated Press. "Now he needs to document it for legal reasons."

Described by his attorney as a white-haired businessman in his mid-50s, Christ is moving to West Virginia to enjoy a slower lifestyle. He bought property near Lost River, about 100 miles west of Washington, and has a U.S. passport, Social Security card and Washington driver's license bearing the name Jesus Christ.

What a moron. Too bad this igmo doesn't think he's Mickey Mouse. Disney would shut him down quick. Thanks, b-Rad

Posted 5/08/2005 01:16:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe I was asleep all day on Wednesday, April 29th, but I can find no mention of this from an American media source, yet there's ample reporting from foreign news sources. Why do you think that is?

President George Bush was bundled into an underground bunker, Dick Cheney was evacuated to an "undisclosed location" and heavily armed secret servicemen took up defensive positions when a fast-moving cloud scudded towards the White House, it was reported yesterday.

The cloud that materialised 30 miles south of Washington on Wednesday morning was so dense it triggered radar monitors on the Domestic Events Network, intended to prevent a repeat of the September 11 attacks.

You'd think that a story of the President doing a "duck & cover" drill would warrant at least some airtime. I had to find out about it from my friend in India. But maybe there was some embarrassment about the source of the scare:

As an anti-aircraft missile battery on the roof of a nearby building was raised to the fire position, a Black Hawk helicopter was scrambled to take a look, but saw nothing except some clouds, one of which turned out to be the suspected aggressor.

The customs and border protection agency did not return calls seeking comment yesterday, but a spokesman, Gary Bracken, told the Washington Post that a cloud was to blame. "It does happen," he said. "We have to deal with weather anomalies showing up on the radar screen."

Sleep tight, folks. The most powerful military in the world sometimes confuses clouds with aggression against the executive in chief.

Posted 5/08/2005 01:10:00 PM by Douglas

I found this amusing for some reason. I think it's the "storming offstage when drunks holler "summer of '69" part that I find particularly amusing.

Ryan Adams is a walking, talking one-man Molson Blind Date show — you never know who's going to show up, but it's pretty much a given that alcohol will be involved somehow. The mercurial singer-songwriter's mood is as unpredictable as Halifax weather and each night's performance lives and dies on which attitude the capricious star brings to the rink. The question isn't what will Ryan Adams play tonight, but who will Ryan Adams be tonight? The shambolic country-rawk showstopper of Gold or the pill-gobbling scuzz-rock anti-star of Rock N Roll? The tortured romantic balladeer from Love Is Hell or the petulant, self-indulgent man-child who storms off stage when drunken louts holler for "Summer Of '69"?

Kinda funny. But Ryan, what did you really think?

Few in attendance have heard these songs and even the band seem a little confused. "Thanks for bearing with us," Adams muttered into the mic. "We don't really know all of these yet, so we sorta suck." At least he's honest.

Hah! You sorta do.

Posted 5/08/2005 01:04:00 PM by Douglas

I don't quite get it, but some of the questions were kinda amusing:

I am Rocketdyne "American Flag Blue" aerospace logo paint As seen on NASA launch pads!

Which house paint are you?

That fits, I guess.

Posted 5/07/2005 01:41:00 PM by Douglas

Round up the posse! There's been a jailbreak!

An escaped prisoner made a bee line for his own home, but he wasn't the only one with that idea.

The man fled the Collingsworth County Jail in Wellington on Friday afternoon after using a weight-lifting bar to pry apart a section of a locked cage surrounding the prisoner exercise area, said acting Sheriff Ronnie Ward.

Collingsworth County Sheriff's Deputy Redgie Daus immediately sped to the inmate's home and pulled up just as the fleeing man was backing out of the driveway, Ward said.

Daus gave chase to the man, who inexplicably circled back, perhaps to get inside his house, Ward said.

"That's where we wound up catching him - in the front yard," he said.

Good to hear that's finally over. Now the folks in Wellington can go back to leaving their doors unlocked and their cars running in the grocery store parking lot. Acting Sheriff Ward, bat it home for us:

"We're a small town ... not too many places to go," Ward said. "There sure ain't nowhere to hide."

There sure ain't.

Posted 5/07/2005 01:38:00 PM by Douglas

Ever wonder what really goes on in the back of a car dealership when they're "running your numbers?" This guy did, so he got a job at two different dealerships to find out. It's a pretty intriguing read, but not all that surprising. Dealerships are in it to make money, and the buying public is generally pretty stupid. Makes me want to go buy a new car.

Posted 5/07/2005 01:09:00 PM by Douglas

So it's Haiku day.
Is it that significant?
Does anyone care?

Posted 5/05/2005 05:41:00 PM by Douglas

More asinine DWI enforcement is headed its way to the Texas Panhandle, so look out, Moore County; If you take a whiff of a beer and get behind the wheel of an automobile, they're gonna get ya.

Drunken drivers will have a much harder time ducking charges in the northwest Texas Panhandle thanks to a new plan being rolled out by prosecutors and police.

For some reason, this has pissed me off, right off the bat. "Drunken Drivers?" For an 150 pound man (and I don't know any 150 pound men), it would take just four beers to put them over the limit of legal intoxication. Impaired? Maybe. Diminished capacity when it comes to driving, almost certainly. But "Drunken Driving?" I don't think that most people have any idea how ridiculously low the limit is.

David Green, 69th district attorney, hosted a class Wednesday for 60 law enforcement officers and prosecutors as part of a new program to force suspected drunken drivers to take blood-alcohol tests to determine their guilt or innocence.

Green, whose district covers Dallam, Hartley, Moore and Sherman counties, said he is backing the program because juries are looking for more solid evidence before they convict.

"Juries throughout the district were telling myself and the county attorney that they really wanted to see some scientific evidence of intoxication," Green said during a break in the day-long class. "I think juries like to see blood evidence because they maybe feel it is more reliable."

Abbott said DWI convictions are getting more and more difficult because juries are getting more and more sophisticated.

"There is definitely a CSI factor," Abbott said, referring to the television crime show. "Juries are expecting you to come out with this big batch of scientific evidence, just like they do on television, but we don't always have that."

Well isn't that special. Using a CBS drama to justify sticking a needle in people's arm so the State can have an airtight case when it comes time to throwing them in jail.

The new program would allow officers to use a standardized probable cause affidavit that they can submit to a judge, who can then issue a search warrant allowing officers to secure a blood sample without the suspect's consent.

So they're going to wake up a judge in the middle of the night so they can sign a search warrant that compels the DWI suspect the give a sample of blood? Gee, what could go wrong here? Considering that a typical DWI conviction makes about $2,000 in fines for the county, I'd imagine that the judge is going to be sitting pretty close to the phone on a Saturday night.

But to keep from sounding like a total jack-ass, Abbott gets down to what this is really about:

"Refusing a breath test might be good advice from a defense attorney to a drunken client, but it's damn bad advice for someone just below the legal limit," Abbott said.

"If you're not above the legal limit, this test can hold the keys to the jail cell for a lot of people."

What the fuck?!?

Ok, first I started laughing, then I had to find a way to stop crying. How the hell can they say this with a straight face? DWIs are a huge money-maker for the counties that issue them, and they have the balls to say that it's the people driving around with a BAL of 0.075% that are going to be exonerated by being forced to submit blood to the county, against their will, that are going to benefit? What the hell is this guy smoking?

Posted 5/05/2005 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

No cotton on Texas Tech's seal?

Cotton is still king around West Texas, but Texas Tech University officials have plucked the fluffy fiber's image from the school's seal.

Cotton bolls that form a cross in the middle of the school shield and represent 10 cotton-producing counties around Tech were removed from the new design. Instead, a more general "vine-like" image will represent all of agriculture.

The change is part of a broader marketing campaign set to begin early next year that Tech officials hope will improve the university's reputation nationally.

First there was dancing at Baylor, now the cotton's gone from Tech's seal. What's next?

Posted 5/05/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Looks like the sexy cheerleading bill is losing some steam in the senate.

Texas cheerleaders probably can still Drop It Like It's Hot, because that's what the Senate plans to do with a House bill banning suggestive routines.

Cheerleader routines performed to songs like Snoop Dog's hip-hop hit prompted state Rep. Al Edwards, D-Houston, to push a bill through the House to curtail what he views as salacious moves that exploit young performers.

The bill doesn't even have a sponsor in the Senate, which would be the first step toward getting it a tryout in that chamber.

But even with a sponsor, it's unlikely to make the cut. Florence Shapiro, who chairs the Senate Education Committee, where the bill likely would land, said senators have been "cackling" about the bill and were surprised the House took time to debate the legislation.

It's encouraging to see, finally, that good taste prevailed

Posted 5/04/2005 05:54:00 PM by Douglas

Every morning when I get up I'm eternally thankful that the State of Texas, in all her benevolent wisdom is there looking out for me. Imagine the horrors I'd face if I went to a high school football ball game and I saw cheerleaders doing a sexually suggestive dance? No joke, cheerleaders?!?

Sideline booty-shakin' at Texas high school football games would be restricted to more ladylike performances from the cheering squad, under legislation approved Tuesday by the Texas House.

Is this Texas or Nazi Germany?

The bill would prohibit "overtly sexually suggestive" routines at school-sponsored events, giving the state education commissioner authority to request that school districts review performances.

All these years of my life I've wasted in engineering when all along, this has been my true calling. Reviewing cheerleader's routines to make sure they're not too sexual? Good lord, where do I sign up? I'll work for minimum wage.

"Girls can get out and do all of these overly sexually performances and we applaud them and that's not right," said Democratic Rep. Al Edwards of Houston, who filed the legislation.

Representative Al Edwards (D-Houston), you're a fag. What the hell else are cheerleaders for? Encourage recycling? Promote the metric system? It sure as hell isn't anything to do with football. Pretty much shakin' their asses is it.

Edwards argued that lascivious exhibitions are a distraction for high school students that result in pregnancies, high school dropouts, contraction of AIDS and herpes and "cutting off their youthful life at an early age."

"Distractions," in my estimation, has yet to cause a single pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease, and I'd expect a state representative to have had this talk with his father by now. But there was at least one voice of reason on the House floor: Rep Senfronia Thompson, (D-Houston). Hit it, Senfronia:

"How is this bill advancing the agenda of the people? Have we done anything about stem cell research to help people who are dying and are sick advance their health? No," said Rep. Senfronia Thompson, D-Houston. "Have we done anything about the mentally ill, school finance or ethics?

"This is a ridiculous bill ... I don't know how this bill got to the floor. It's stupid."

Good point, but I always thought if the legislature keeps bickering about stupid things, it keeps them distracted from really fucking up something important. But I digress.

But, proponents say they like the measure because it gives parents support in addressing their teenagers' behavior.

What the hell does that mean? Parents have so little control of their daughters that they have to rely on threats from the state to keep them from shaking their ass in public? "Now Katlin, you know mommy loves your half time dance, but don't grind it too much. . . don't want to end up in jail."

But for once, won't somebody please think of the children? The adolescent cheerleader fantasy is as old as puberty itself (ok, maybe not, but play along). Why in the hell do we need the nanny state to poke their nose into a high school pep-rally and tell the cheerleaders to "tone it down?" Don't they realize that there are thousands of geeks in the A/V club with high-power zoom lenses on a high-eight camera that desperately need this exhibition?

HC Link

Posted 5/04/2005 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

If anyone doesn't already know the answer to the age-old charcoal or gas question, don't bother reading this article. Chances are, you're too dumb to read, anyway. Here's the main idea:

Our grill expert said our choice came down to a matter of taste versus ease.

I've heard this many times before. Gas grills are a lot more convenient than charcoal. Guess what? McDonald's and The Outback are even more convenient than firing up any grill. So if you're looking for easy, then why bother? If you wanna do it up right, why do it half-assed?

But the flavor! Especially when using lump charcoal instead of the admittedly inferior briquettes that are such a mish-mash of ingredients, they amount to a pile of tar-laden coal, starch, Borax and sawdust burning beneath your burgers.

Briquettes are for people that don't know any better. Lump charcoal all the way, baby!

Labels: charcoal

Posted 5/04/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

Only in Texas would this headline be as subdued as this:

Castrated pedophile begins work release

A convicted child molester who told officials — and the public — that he would strike again if he wasn't castrated was released from prison with little fanfare Tuesday and escorted to San Antonio, where he'll remain under supervision in a work-release program.

Larry Don McQuay, 41, was granted his request to be castrated last year. He will be housed in Bexar County Jail's work-release facility because no halfway house in the county could accept him, jail administrator Amadeo Ortiz said.

McQuay, whose pleas for castration prompted the Legislature to allow the procedure in Texas, walked out of a side door of the Huntsville Unit of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice at 7:15 a.m.

Texas Department of Criminal Justice spokeswoman Michelle Lyons said that to protect McQuay's safety, prison officials arranged for a two-vehicle caravan to transport the high-profile offender to Bexar County, where he had driven a school bus and worked at SeaWorld.

Look out, Bexar County. He's coming back. Apparently, I'm not the only one that has doubts about the usefulness of this procedure.

"Regardless of the procedure having been done or not, Larry Don McQuay should be considered the same dangerous pedophile he was before," she said. "Is this a cure? I don't know. Will it somehow reduce fantasies McQuay is experiencing? ... Maybe. Maybe not.

"Unless he's behind bars, I don't think children are safe. Bottom line," she said.

Allison Taylor, executive director of the state's Council on Sex Offender Treatment, said the focus on McQuay's treatment should be on his mental state, not on castration.

"The deviant impulses and fantasies start in the mind; the end product is arousal," she said. "All castration does is decrease the testosterone level. It doesn't mean their risk level has changed one bit."

That's kinda what I was thinking. The urge to diddle young children doesn't start in his balls, and the little head may hit the home run, but the big head is the one that gets him to step up to the plate. All castration is going to do is make him bat left handed. Sure it's more difficult, but he's still occasionally going to get on base.

I wasn't trying for the most disgusting baseball metaphor, but I think I've found it.

Posted 5/02/2005 04:56:00 PM by Douglas

Which Family Guy character are you?

Posted 5/01/2005 01:39:00 PM by Douglas

In light of NASA's recent slip of STS-114, I thought it was time to finally post this picture. I have to drive by it ever day on my way to work, and I'm really getting tired of looking at it, even though I appreciate its sentiment.

---

I liked it so much, I had to make it part of my sidebar. I'll take it down when we reach orbit again.

Posted 5/01/2005 01:34:00 PM by Douglas

STS-107 was brought down by two regrettably unforeseen events: A foam strike on the wing leading edge and bad management. But both of these unfortunate events were one in a million, and March, 2003, could have seen STS-114 become just another routine shuttle mission, devoid of any media attention. Sadly, it didn't, and now almost two and a half years later, NASA isn't quite done with the hand wringing.

NASA delayed the launch window of space shuttle Discovery -- set to be the first shuttle to fly since the 2003 Columbia disaster -- from late May to at least July.

The postponement allows engineers to take steps to prevent ice from potentially damaging the shuttle on takeoff.

Modifications on the Discovery have mitigated ice formation "by about 70 percent," said Griffin. "The problem is that remaining 30 percent. And we've just elected at this time to say, 'Time to call a halt, fix it, and we'll take the six-week delay.'"

In addition, NASA had received additional data that required further analysis, said Griffin. The extra time would allow engineers "to make absolutely sure, as sure as we could be, that, in the common phrase, 'All the i's are dotted and all the t's are crossed,'" Griffin said.

First off, engineers aren't ever "absolutely sure" about anything, and we're not talking about building an overpass with a safety factor of 8.9. This is space travel, and there are always going to be risks and contingencies that no one ever thought of (see also: Apolo 13.) But he goes on:

"If we had tried to launch in May, we simply wouldn't have had the time to analyze all that data as fully as we would like ... Part of what that six weeks is buying us is some additional time to go through some really very late-breaking information that we need to look at to certify the safety of the orbiter."

What late breaking data? This vehicle has flown successfully 113 times in the past, so what the hell else could be done to make it any safer than it was before?

"We're going to return to flight. We're not going to rush to flight," said Griffin, who took over as NASA's boss on April 14.

Rush? What an interesting choice of words.

If this management team was in charge of Orville and Wilbur, they'd still be sitting on a hill in Kitty Hawk waiting for the right winds.

Light that sucker!!

Posted 5/01/2005 01:27:00 PM by Douglas

Have public schools lost their rabid-assed minds? I'm gonna have to say yes to that one.

A call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school. All over a giant burrito.

Someone called authorities Thursday after seeing a boy carrying something long and wrapped into Marshall Junior High.

The drama ended two hours later when the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos and wrapped inside tin foil and a white T-shirt.

In their defense, it did have jalapeños, which could possibly prove quite dangerous to someone with digestive problems.

"I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," school Principal Diana Russell said.

I've got an even better plan "C": How 'bout we stop extorting money from property owners to fund a defunct system of public education that doesn't have enough sense to realize you don't need snipers on the roofs to deal with Mexican food? Remember when the general public has an iota of common sense?

Yeah, me neither.