Posted 1/31/2008 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

The Texas Legislature is up to it again, keeping you safe from the evils of the world. Now up, pre-paid cell phones.

A Texas lawmaker said Thursday he plans to target international gangs by going after technology that has kept them a step ahead of law enforcement: prepaid cellular telephones.

State Sen. John Carona introduced a proposal that would require a state-issued ID to buy prepaid cell phones, and retailers to track who is buying them. If it becomes law, Carona's proposal would limit consumers to buying no more than three prepaid cell phones at a time.

Give me a freakin' break. Guess what else international gangs use on a regular basis: blue jeans and automobiles. Is the Lege going to go after that next? Of course not, because you can't track people's every move with those things. Oh wait. Nevermind.

Posted 1/31/2008 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Sure, he gnawed off my toes, but you just don't understand him like I do.

A paralyzed man in Lexington, Ky., was hospitalized after he noticed his pit bull partially bit off his toes while he was sleeping, officials said.

Terry Smith, who has been paralyzed below the waist for years, woke up Tuesday morning to discover his puppy had "chewed off four tips of his toes," the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader reported Wednesday.

I sure hope they don't put that dog down. If that pit bull puppy gets put down for eating its owners toes, it'll never get a chance to grow up and eat the face off a baby.

Labels: pit bull attacks

Posted 1/31/2008 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

What is it with pit bulls and miniature, therapeutic horses? Don't they know they're supposed to eat the faces off babies?

A miniature horse used for therapeutic healing was killed and four others were injured Thursday after an attack by two pit bull terriers.

The horses, who each weigh between 100 and 150 pounds, suffered bites to their legs, bodies and faces, said Kevin Overstreet, Animal Services director.

Oreo was killed. Honor was taken to a veterinary hospital in Wolfforth where the horse was in stable condition. Sparkles, Pepper Jack and Jolly were taken to a veterinary hospital in Littlefield for treatment.

This is just weird. Didn't this just happen? Why do people live with these creatures?

Labels: pit bull attacks

Posted 1/30/2008 04:46:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe it's the three hours of sleep I've had in the last 24, but 5ives is funny as hell. The blogging commentary here and here made beer come out my nose.

Posted 1/30/2008 04:43:00 PM by Douglas

Mike Gravel not withstanding, we're down to two.

Democrat John Edwards bowed out of the race for the Democratic presidential nomination on Wednesday, saying it was time to step aside "so that history can blaze its path" in a campaign now left to Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama.

"With our convictions and a little backbone we will take back the White House in November," said Edwards, ending his second campaign in the same hurricane-ravaged city where he began it more than a year ago.

Well, durn. Not that I liked Edwards at all, but I sure don't like the other two choices any better. I fully expect a Democrat, whomever he/she may be, to take the White House in November, since the GOP can't seem to find it's arse with both hands, but I don't like the prospects of either of these two raging socialists heading the Executive branch. But, considering the no talent ass-clown that's been there for the past 8 years, how bad could they possibly do?

Oh right. Look around.

Posted 1/29/2008 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

It's a cheeseburger, it's in a can, it's a cheeseburger in a can! You know that it looks nothing like that picture when you pop the top on that can.

Posted 1/29/2008 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Your favourite radio station changes its format, do you: A) find a new station, B) rearrange your MP3 player's play list or C) show up at night and try to burn the place down. Yeah, it's C.

A volunteer at a community radio station set fire to the station because he was upset that his song selections for an overnight Internet broadcast were changed, police said.

Paul Webster Feinstein, 24, has been charged with second-degree felony arson for the Jan. 5 fire that caused $300,000 damage to the studios of 91.7 FM KOOP. He faces from two to 20 years in prison and a $10,000 fine if convicted.

Feinstein told investigators that he was "very unhappy" about the changes to his playlist, said Austin Fire Department Battalion Chief Greg Nye. The songs were intended for an Internet broadcast that occurs when the station is off the air.

And now, the punchline:

Feinstein was a jazz fan and his Internet program was called "Mellow Down Easy," Dickens said.

Dude was the most Un-mellow person in the history of jazz.

Posted 1/28/2008 06:50:00 PM by Douglas

One last time, the State of the Union address drinking game. The only good thing about this one? It's the last one.

Posted 1/27/2008 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

For some reason, let's just say 33% because of the recent Oscar nominations, 33% because it kinda looked interesting, and 40% because I'm an idiot and NOT very good at math, I went to see There will be Blood today. Holy. Cow. First off, this movie is a lead-pipe LOCK for Best Picture, because NO movie this bad gets nominated and loses.

I guess my main sense of disappointment comes from the fact that from the title, I thought I was finally going to get to see that film they showed all the girls in 5th grade, when they made all the boys go to the gym and beat on each other while we could see who could spit the farthest. Turns out, it was almost three freakin' hours of a close up of Daniel "this movie is going to take all Day" Lewis as he shouts at the camera. I'd been sitting there for almost an hour when I realized that there was no conflict. It's like having that conversation with your awkward uncle that doesn't have anything interesting to say and tells stories with predictable outcomes. "I went to California to buy a whole bunch of land, and I did. Then I wanted to drill an oil well on it. . . and I did." Someone wake me up when his dog gets sick.

Half way though, I was hoping I'd get knocked deaf when the well came in. The final scene was the most rewarding; not that it was good, by any means, but simply because it was over. Finally! Not only was there finally some blood, but it was over. I'd been hoping for about an hour up to that point that someone would bludgeon me to death with a bowling pin.

But back to the Oscars. This stinking turd is not only nominated for best picture, which it will win, I'm sure, but for best editing. Editing? I can't even count how many times I caught myself asking myself "why are they showing me this?" as I checked my watch for the umpteenth time. There was so much extra crap in that movie that could have hit the cutting room floor you could have used it to teach a class at USC film school: How to make a horrible movie, 101. But if I want the editor shot, I just want the guy that did the music kicked in the balls. Geez. I guess they had to build suspense somehow, but again, it made me wish I were deaf. I never really wanted to hear what Robin Williams trapped in a snare drum sounded like, but I think I have now.

All in all, it was no story told by over-acting with a hot lead in period-pants yelling at the camera. In lieu of a retard, it's got a deaf kid, which makes it a shoe-in for best picture. But that's OK, since it's all rigged, anyway.

Posted 1/27/2008 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

A huge chunk of DOD hardware is going to fall from the sky. THERE'S some good news.

A large U.S. spy satellite has lost power and propulsion and could hit the Earth in late February or March, government officials said Saturday.

The satellite, which no longer be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.

If it falls on my house, I'm not going to give it back.

Posted 1/27/2008 03:34:00 PM by Douglas

Tired of the same old dinner every night? Try this cook book. Literally

Well Done designed by Bruketa & Zinić is an annual report from the food company Podravka. The book is empty or so it seems. In order to see the text and images the book has to be wrapped in foil and baked at 100°C for 25 minutes. The text and images are printed using a special, thermo-reactive ink.

If you are not careful and set the temperature too high the book will burn just like any meal. Inside after the baking at correct temperature, you will find great Podravka’s recipes and a numbers and a report of an independent auditor

What a great gift idea, for idiots!

Posted 1/25/2008 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Coming soon: Killer dolphins.

New evidence has been compiled by marine scientists that prove the normally placid dolphin is capable of brutal attacks both on innocent fellow marine mammals and, more disturbingly, on its own kind.

Film taken of gangs of dolphins repeatedly ramming baby porpoises, tossing them in the air and pursuing them to the death has solved a long-term mystery of what causes the death of so many of these harmless mammals - but has left animal experts baffled as to the motive.

Another mystery is that the animal 'murders' have only been reported in two parts of the world - along Scotland's East Coast and in America off the beaches of Virginia, where even more alarmingly, the victims were scores of the dolphins' own young.

Look out, Simpson's fans. This might not be that far away:

Posted 1/25/2008 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

"The American Republic will endure, until politicians realize they can bribe the people with their own money." What's got me thinking about de Tocqueville, again? Oh, I don't know what it could be?

Retirees living off Social Security are frustrated that they won't get tax rebate checks through a bipartisan economic stimulus package before the House. Senate Democrats Friday began efforts to include them.

What part of "rebate" don't they understand? To get tax money back, you first gotta pay taxes, or so it would seem. Maybe not.

Their plan would give individual taxpayers up to $600 in rebates, working couples $1,200 and those with children an additional $300 per child. The rebates would phase out gradually for individuals whose adjusted gross income exceeds $75,000 and for couples with incomes above $150,000.

So if you make over $150k (as a family) and pay over Thirty Thousand Dollars to the federal government, you don't get dick, yet if you don't pay a dime in taxes, you get $300? The Republic is over, folks.

Posted 1/23/2008 05:58:00 PM by Douglas

We found life on Mars, and it's Bigfoot!!!

An image of a mysterious shape on the surface of Mars, taken by Nasa spacecraft Spirit, has reignited the debate about life on the Red Planet.

A magnified version of the picture, posted on the internet, appears to some to show what resembles a human form among a crop of rocks.

While some bloggers have dismissed the image as a trick of light, others say it is evidence of an alien presence.

Has Superman been notified?

Posted 1/23/2008 05:43:00 PM by Douglas

Sir Richard and Burt Rutan really stayed up all night trying to think of a name for SpaceShipOne's replacement, didn't they?

A select group of rich tourists may be blasting into space within a few years in a craft that looks like a cross between a corporate jet and something out of science fiction.

British billionaire Richard Branson and the aerospace designer Burt Rutan unveiled a model Wednesday of SpaceShipTwo, the vehicle they hope will be able to take passengers about 62 miles above Earth for the fun of it, with test flights possibly beginning this year.

$200k for 4.5 minuets of zero-G on a sub-orbital flights? Save you money. And congratulations, SpaceShipTwo! Welcome to 1961!

Posted 1/23/2008 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

Small town scandals: They're as boring as they are pointless, but the mayor Alice, Texas, sounds like a complete nut-job.

City commissioners have voted unanimously for a resolution urging the mayor to resign over legal problems stemming from her alleged theft of a neighbor's dog.

Grace Saenz-Lopez was indicted Friday on two felony counts of tampering with physical evidence related to the Shih Tzu, according to jail records.

A neighboring family has accused Saenz-Lopez of refusing to return their dog, Puddles, after they left it in her care while they went on vacation.

[. . . ]

This summer, the mayor agreed to watch the dog belonging to Rudy Gutierrez and Shelly Cavazos. A day after her neighbors left with their children for vacation, Saenz-Lopez called to tell them that Puddles had died.

Three months later, a relative of Cavazos saw Puddles — renamed Panchito — at an Alice dog groomer. When Saenz-Lopez refused to return the dog, the family filed a criminal complaint and a civil lawsuit.

What? Pretty funny stuff. Not really. Too bad the writers are still on strike, or The Daily Show would have already dispatched a camera crew, although it could never be as funny as the drunken, castrated goat-mayor.

Labels: Panchito

Posted 1/23/2008 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

What's worse than getting home from the airport and realizing you've got the wrong luggage? How 'bout opening up the bag and finding a cat?!?

"Hi, you're not going to believe this, but I am calling from Fort Worth, Texas, and I accidentally picked up your husband's luggage. And when I opened the luggage, a cat jumped out," Kelly Levy quoted the caller saying.

Rob Carter said he made it home with the suitcase before realizing it wasn't his — and there was a big surprise inside.

"I went to unpack and saw some of the clothes and saw it wasn't my suitcase," he said. "I was going to close it, and a kitten jumped out and ran under the bed. I screamed like a little girl."

Hiding out in luggage to get into Texas? Further proof that tabbies are the Mexicans of the cat world. What do you think that "M" on their foreheads stands for?

Gracie Mae, a.k.a. Suitcase. Mexican.

Posted 1/21/2008 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Public education at its wasteful best.

I just paid my school taxes. . . I'm sure this doesn't happen in my district.

Posted 1/21/2008 04:42:00 PM by Douglas

Don't get in the way of a Leftist Intellecutal and their carbon footprint, for alas, their global travel doesn't cause global warming. Especially when it's done in the name of "research."

Take a conference I attended last year in Amsterdam. I flew 6,687 kilometers from Minneapolis to Holland to attend a virtual-ethnography workshop. We discussed such problems as research ethics, the transference of traditional ethnographic methods to the Internet, and differences between computer-mediated communication and face-to-face interactions. It was a fascinating set of discussions and a great opportunity to interact with leaders in that new field.

However, there is more than a little irony in flying thousands of miles to discuss virtual modes of communication. As several colleagues and friends back home asked, "Couldn't you do that from here?"

I can enjoy the tone of the article, in that it's always "someone else's" pollution that's fucking up the planet, but still.

Posted 1/21/2008 03:16:00 PM by Douglas

Every back yard in sub-tropical Southeast Texas needs one of these for their yard:

Notice the garden hose in close proximity. Not by accident.

Posted 1/21/2008 02:51:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting map of the prevailing religions in America. I'm surprised there's not a bigger Mormon majority in the Mountain West states. But what's real interesting is the black dots where that particular religion holds more than 50% of the county. Utah, of course, with Mormons and the Nordic Lutherans in on the frozen tundra, and last but not least, the Central Texas/Southwest Oklahoma Baptists. For anyone that was doubting that Abilene, Texas is the Buckle of the Bible Belt. Actually, it's that little metal thing that goes into the hole on the leather on the buckle. Naw, that's too phallic.

Posted 1/21/2008 02:40:00 PM by Douglas

R.I.P., Richard. How to turn a garage slingshot business into a household name is the American dream.

Seeing a potentially profitable idea, Knerr and Melin bought a seven-dollar handsaw and started producing slingshots in Knerr's garage.

They called their company Wham-O supposedly after the sound that the slingshot made when it hit its target.

"Spud would cut 'em, I'd sand 'em, and that's the way the business started," Knerr recalled. "Spud would go out one way and sell 'em, and I'd go out another. We ran some mail-order advertising, began lining up dealers, and first thing we knew, we were taking orders from sporting-goods dealers all over the United States."

Think I'll go buy a Frisbee in honor Richard.

Posted 1/21/2008 02:35:00 PM by Douglas

The Duesberg Hypothesis could use a little Stubbins Ffirth zeal. What a great way to show your Yellow Fever research.

Posted 1/17/2008 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

If you're one of those kind of people that think "there's bugs on you," you probably shouldn't read this if you ever want to sleep again.

It sounds like a freakish ailment from a horror movie: Sores erupt on your skin, mysterious threads pop out of them, and you feel like tiny bugs are crawling all over you. Some experts believe it's a psychiatric phenomenon, yet hundreds of people say it's a true physical condition. It's called Morgellons, and now the government is about to begin its first medical study of it.

Weird. But it can't happen here, right? Right?!?

A federal health agency on Wednesday launched a study into an unexplained skin disorder that causes a crawling sensation and lesions that won't heal, the first attempt to determine whether Morgellons is a legitimate illness or caused by the patient's imagination.

Many families in Houston are self-diagnosed with the condition, making the area a Morgellons hot spot, according to the Morgellons Research Foundation, a nonprofit group that has become the primary source of information about the disorder.

I'm officially creeped out now.

Posted 1/17/2008 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

Hey buddy! Can you cover my nuclear warhead for a couple of minutes? I need to go grab a smoke.

Three Pantex employees remain on paid administrative leave for violating nuclear safety procedures after workers failed to keep a close lookout on a nuclear warhead for a few minutes last week, a top Pantex official said Wednesday.

The incident violated longstanding "buddy system" rules aimed at preventing unauthorized access to nuclear weapons.

The Buddy System??? How comforting. The world's largest repository of nuclear weapons uses the same safety procedures as Cub Scouts in the swimmin' hole at summer camp.

B & W Pantex President and General Manager Dan Swaim said workers failed to keep proper visual surveillance of the warhead for less than eight minutes on Jan. 10.

fourth employee entered the area and discovered the violation, which was promptly corrected. The warhead remained under protective cover during the incident in the Material Access Area, a secure and well-guarded area of the plant.

Well which was it, flapjack? Either it was well-guarded, or it was left unattended for "less than eight minutes." Is eight minutes enough time for someone to steal it? It is if you're Ah-nold or any Bond villain I've ever seen.

Sleep tight, suckers!

Posted 1/17/2008 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Remember when you needed to install some software on your computer? You'd open the CD hole, plop in the disk, go out for a smoke and when you came back, you're done. Well, no anymore for you MacTards. Remember 10 years ago when they tried the "no-drive" option in the iMac? Maybe that was visionary getting rid of the floppy drive, but why get rid of the CD/DVD drive if you a) sell the external drive and b)have to create this elaborate software setup, on two computers to install software.

But hey, it's got a back-lit keyboard! And if you make $10 an hour, it will only take you a little more than a month to pay for it! If you don't opt for the external DVD drive.

Labels: Mac

Posted 1/16/2008 04:16:00 PM by Douglas

For some reason, I find this book very appealing.

Until I read his new book, "Banana: The Fate of the Fruit That Changed the World," I had never really wondered why there were myriad varieties of apple - Royal Gala, Granny Smith, Red Delicious, Macoun, McIntosh, etc. - yet just one monolithic, curved sweet yellow fruit labeled simply "bananas." (Plantains don't count; they're green and you have to cook them before you eat them.)

The reason, it turns out, is that the banana as we know it is a worldwide poster child for bio-nondiversity. Known as the Cavendish, the bananas sold in my local supermarket in Watertown are virtual genetic duplicates of the ones sold at my sister's greengrocer in Los Angeles and at food markets in Tokyo, Paris, and Rio de Janeiro. The Cavendish is grown everywhere from Central America to New Guinea to India to the Caribbean to Southeast Asia.

I never really thought about why there are seemingly endless varieties of almost all other fruits and vegetables, but only one banana.

Enjoy your Cavendish, potassium fiends!

Posted 1/16/2008 04:13:00 PM by Douglas

If you get drunk and run over someone and kill them, you're probably going to go to jail for a while. So why does it matter what the victim almost did?

A man was sentenced on Tuesday to 30 years in prison for a drunken driving accident that killed an American Airlines flight attendant who narrowly missed one of the fatal flights on Sept. 11.

He was arrested in March 2006 on suspicion of causing the accident in unincorporated Denton County that killed Marilyn Gates, of Fremont, N.H., and injured two others in the car in which she was riding. Mole had been free since posting $25,000 bail shortly after his arrest.

Gates, 52, was a flight attendant who would have been on American Airlines Flight 11 on Sept. 11, 2001, but missed it because of a family appointment, news reports say

So? Was this case being prosecuted by Rudy 9iu11iani?

Posted 1/16/2008 04:09:00 PM by Douglas

Follow up to the story about the El Lago coffee import business:

Joe and Terry Butcher's hopes of salvaging their 42-foot sailboat and 10,000 pounds of vacuum-packed Belizean coffee onboard have sunk.

After the Butchers, along with Joe Butcher's brother and their dog, were plucked off their boat in the Gulf of Mexico on New Year's Day, the couple planned to return 200 miles offshore and tow the boat back to their El Lago dock.

The group, aided by a tracking device, headed back out over the weekend but found no signs of their Red Cloud sailboat.

"We went out there and searched. There was no sign of the boat and no coffee," Joe Butcher, 47, said Tuesday.

The Red Cloud was equipped with an emergency positioning radio beacon, which allowed the Butchers to know its location.

The boat and coffee are under about 6,000 feet of water.

Your entire investment is floating in open seas without insurance and they previously had a shrimp boat repossessed ?!? Sometimes the word entrepreneur gets thrown around a little too loosely. Have they paid the Coast Guard back for their rescue yet?

Posted 1/16/2008 04:02:00 PM by Douglas

Having nothing better to do with its time, the Virginia legislature is passing a law against tackiness.

State Del. Lionel Spruill introduced a bill Tuesday to ban displaying replicas of human genitalia on vehicles, calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers.

Under his measure, displaying the ornamentation on a motor vehicle would be a misdemeanor punishable by a maximum fine of $250.

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

Yeah, I've seen those. I think they're kinda gross, but who cares? I also think it's an excellent way to determine if the person driving that particular vehicle is a total idiot. If only every knuckle-dragging dunderpate exhibited such an obvious indication of their mental acuity. Also, you can buy one here.

Posted 1/16/2008 03:55:00 PM by Douglas

It's that time of year again. Time for a crazy-assed Ayn Rand play. Don't ruin the ending for me; I may see it again tomorrow.

Posted 1/15/2008 05:57:00 PM by Douglas

Get ready, Mac-Tards, this is gonna cost you about two grand:

Apple on Tuesday introduced a movie rental service and an ultralight Mac notebook that could set a new industry standard for thinness.

The new Apple notebook, the MacBook Air, is about three-quarters of an inch thick at its thickest point, small enough to fit in a manila envelope, which is how Steven P. Jobs, chief executive, demonstrated it to a crowd of Apple fans at the Macworld Expo. He said the price is $1,799.

You people deserve what you get. This still makes me laugh, though.

Labels: Mac

Posted 1/14/2008 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

This is, at the least, a remarkable story, but it seems odd to not let him race.

The IAAF ruled Monday that double-amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius is ineligible to compete in the Beijing Olympics because his prosthetic racing legs give him a clear competitive advantage.

The International Association of Athletics Federations had twice postponed the ruling, but the executive Council said the South African runner's curved, prosthetic ''Cheetah'' blades were considered a technical aid in violation of the rules.

''As a result, Oscar Pistorius is ineligible to compete in competitions organized under IAAF rules,'' the IAAF said in a statement from Monte Carlo, Monaco.

What does that say about the technology of our world today when the double amputee can't compete because those that have legs are at a disadvantage.

Posted 1/14/2008 05:18:00 PM by Douglas

When I read about a small Texas town reporting multiple sightings of a UFO, I'm just glad it's not mine.

In this Texas farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO.

Several dozen people — including a pilot, county constable and business owners — insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it.

"People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times," said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. "It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts."

Why not pull out your binoculars and take a closer look at it?

Sorrells said he has seen the object several times. He said he watched it through his rifle's telescopic lens and described it as very large and without seams, nuts or bolts.

Or that. Try that.

About 200 UFO sightings are reported each month, mostly in California, Colorado and Texas, according to the Mutual UFO Network, which plans to go to the 17,000-resident town of Stephenville to investigate.

Texas, California and Colorado. Is there a bigger collection of kooks in the country? Well, sadly, Florida would beg to differ.

Anyhoo, I think these folks have had too much Dr. Pepper. Pure cane sugar is a hell of a drug!

Posted 1/13/2008 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

I've always kinda thought that scrapbooking was kinda lame. Ok, fine, it's an artistic expression, but it's one that no one but you is ever going to look at, read, or give a shit about. So why would I be surprised that the biggest controversy to hit the world of scrapbooking is just as lame.

The trouble started in February, after Contes won a contest sponsored by one of the industry's most popular magazines, Creating Keepsakes. Her winning pages featured photos of her feet and her hairless terrier, Chloe. Her name went into the magazine's Hall of Fame and her work was published in a book of the top 2007 entries.

But Contes -- inadvertently -- had cheated.

Someone else had taken pictures that ended up in her portfolio. When Contes called Creating Keepsakes to request that her friend receive a photo credit, the staff member approved it without realizing she had broken an entry rule: Submissions had to be solely the contestant's work. The book came out in October with both names published.

Whew! For a second there I thought that Contes had used steroids, something else I could give a shit less about.

Posted 1/13/2008 01:35:00 PM by Douglas

View from the top. What a great place to take a leak.

Posted 1/12/2008 05:16:00 PM by Douglas

I generally consider class-action suits an outlet for whiners. You weren't really wronged, but you want "in on" the settlement knowing full well that the only ones that are going to make any money off the deal are the lawyers. But when there's a class-action suite against someone I think is truly evil, I'm going to have to jump on it.

If you bought a diamond or a piece of diamond jewelry between 1994 and March 2006, you could be eligible for a share of a $295 million class action lawsuit settlement with South Africa's De Beers Group, the world's largest diamond producer.

The settlement, which stems from accusations of price fixing, is limited to purchases made in the United States. The court set aside about $135 million for consumers.

That sounds about right: less than half of the settlement goes to the consumers that were allegedly wronged.

The series of lawsuits across the country were certified as a class action by a federal court in New Jersey. The lawsuits accuse De Beers of conspiring to fix, raise and control the price of rough gem diamonds. A settlement was reached in 2005.

Well no shit. DeBeers has perpetrated the biggest swindle on the American people in the 20th century. Diamonds aren't rare in gemological terms, nor are they that pretty, when compared to an actual gemstone. Yet their remarkable ad campaign has convinced two continents (and they're making ground in Asia, too) that you can't consummate a marriage without one. So I'll give kudos to their marketing department, but for the rest of their cartel, I say fuck 'em. Get your paper-work in before May 19, 2008. And if you're lucky enough to actually get any money out of the settlement, you can send to one of thousands of poor African girls that now has two stumps where her hands used to be because she wasn't digging fast enough in a riverbed in Sierra Leone. But enjoy your shiny little rock, idiots.

Posted 1/12/2008 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

Peggy Sue got subpeonaed.

Buddy Holly's widow is trying to keep the woman whose name was made famous by the hit song Peggy Sue from selling a book about her friendship with the late rock 'n' roll star.

Maria Elena Holly said Friday that Peggy Sue Gerron's Whatever Happened to Peggy Sue? is unauthorized and will harm Holly's name, her reputation and that of her company, Holly Properties.

"It's very interesting that this woman makes up all these stories," Maria Elena Holly said from her home in Dallas. "He never, never considered Peggy Sue a friend."

Well that may be the case, but I'd like to present exhibit A:

I love you, peggy sue,
With a love so rare and true.
Oh, peggy, my peggy sue.
Well, I love you girl.
I want you, peggy sue.

Rock 'n' Roll doesn't lie, does it? Does it?!? Next thing ya know they're going to try to tell us that Happiness Isn't a Warm Gun, or that there's some Jersey girl in the mid 80s that didn't give love, a bad name. Still a "Shock to the Heart," though.

So why write a book now? The man's been dead damn near 50 years.

Material for the book came from about 150 diary entries Gerron made during the time she knew Holly, she said.

"I wanted to give him his voice. It's my book, my memoirs," she said from Tyler where her publishing company held a news conference Friday defending Gerron's right to write her biography. "We were very, very good friends. He was probably one of the best friends I ever had."

Well thank god for that. Without the thoughtful memories of Gerron and her like, the world might be deprived of the stories of the private lives of every dead and/or burned out Baby-boomer musician that ever cut a piece of 60s vinyl.

Posted 1/11/2008 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

The chance that someone currently at the South Pole has ever heard of you is quite remote. The fact that they'd fly their flag at half staff is even less likely. Further proof that Sir Hillary, KBE, was a badass.

Posted 1/11/2008 05:48:00 PM by Douglas

In some places in Michigan you could get fired if they prove that you're a smoker. In Germany, one company has taken the other route.

The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.

The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J., told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.

"I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted saying. "We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on."

I'm sure the fired employee will sue. And win.

Posted 1/11/2008 05:41:00 PM by Douglas

More stuff on Sir Hillary, KBE. This time, his obit from the Telegraph.

Hillary remained determinedly low-key. "Having paid my respects to the highest mountain in the world," he recalled 46 years later in his autobiography View from the Summit (1999), "I had no choice but to urinate on it." Though he took Tenzing's photograph he did not bother to organise one of himself. And when he met Lowe at Camp VIII on the way down, he delivered the great news in a laconic fashion deemed too shocking for publication at that epoch: "Well, George, we knocked the bastard off."

Sir Hillary, KBE, Original Badass. Read the whole thing, it's worth it. The Daily Telegraph got famous making obituaries readable and interesting, and not like something you read while you're killing time in the barber shop.

Labels: Telegraph Obits

Posted 1/11/2008 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

You meet someone, you find an "inevitable attraction" and get married. Nothing new there, right? Well, what if your spouse is your twin and you didn't know it?

British twins who had been separated at birth learned they were related only after they had become husband and wife, a senior British lawmaker said. The marriage has been annulled.

"They were never told that they were twins," he said during the Dec. 10 debate on a law covering human fertility and embryology. They had been adopted by separate families and "met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation."

No further details about the couple have emerged, and it is not known when the marriage took place or how long they were together before they discovered the truth.

I'm still trying to figure out why it's weird. It's weird to bone your sister, but if you didn't know? Wouldn't it only get weird if their kids sprouted a third arm on their forehead?

Posted 1/11/2008 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Republicans, Democrats, cheer-leaders and tax collectors can come together on one issue in Southeast Texas: NASA needs more money.

In a show of bipartisan support, Republican Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison and Democratic Rep. Nick Lampson said Thursday they will try again this year to get an additional $2 billion in NASA funding to help close a five-year gap between the space shuttle's retirement and the maiden voyage of the Orion moon ship.

What a good idea! But read between the lines on this one. They don't want to speed up development on the Orion, they want to stretch the Shuttle's life. We're either going to go forward, or were going to stay where we are, going in the same circle we've "explored" for the past 25 years. It's time to decide if we're gonna fish, or are just gonna cut bait.

Posted 1/11/2008 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

When all you've got is a hammer, pretty soon everything starts to look like a nail. Especially when you're an idiot.

A teary-eyed President Bush stopped in front of an aerial photo of Auschwitz on Friday at Israel's Holocaust memorial and said the U.S. should have sent bombers to prevent the extermination of Jews there.

Yad Vashem's chairman, Avner Shalev, quoted Bush as saying the U.S. should have "bombed it." Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Bush referred to the train tracks leading to Auschwitz, not the camp itself, where between 1.1 million and 1.5 million people were killed by Nazi Germany.

You think Condi is counting the days she has to clean up his messes.

Posted 1/11/2008 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

Is the space program worth it? I'm not sure this is an appropriate forum, but I must agree with Mr. Cowing's comments.

Right now, all of America’s human space flight programs cost around $7 billion a year. That’s pennies per person per day. In 2006, according to the USDA, Americans spent more than $154 billion on alcohol. We spend around $10 billion a month in Iraq. And so on. Are these things more important than human spaceflight because we spend more money on them? Is space exploration less important?

Money alone is not a way to gauge the worthiness of the cost of exploring space.

Persactly. Is there a magic cut-off number that we're not prepared to spend to further space exploration? In the 60s, Apollo cost something like 5% of the GNP, yet today, NASA's entire budget is less than the DEA spends on the War On Drugs (how's that going , by the way?)

NASA is fond of promoting all of the spinoffs that are generated from its exploits, such as microelectronics. But are we exploring space to explore space, or are we doing all of this to make better consumer electronics? I once heard the late Carl Sagan respond to this question by saying, “you don’t need to go to Mars to cure cancer.” If you learn how to do that as a side benefit, well, that’s great, but there are probably more cost effective ways to get all of these spinoffs without leaving Earth.

I couldn't agree more. Teflon, Velcro, and every other invention people claim helps our lives because it was developed for the space program (those two weren't by the way) could have been developed much more efficiently without NASA. If your goal is to go to the moon, interesting technology is bound to fall out along the way, but it's hardly the justification. The destination is the justification!

Still, for those who would moan that this money could be “better spent back on Earth,” I would simply say that all of this money is spent on Earth — it creates jobs and provides business to companies, just as any other government program does. You have to spend all of NASA’s money “on Earth.” There is no way to spend it in space — at least, not yet.

But therein lies the rub. Every politician wants the money spent on their votes for reelection, not just Texas and Florida.

NASA is not without its problems, but I still like to put it this way when people start arguing about where 0.07% of their tax dollar is going: Would you rather see you name on a plaque on the Martian surface, or a Methadone clinic in Philly?

Also, I haven't read Lileks since I got tired of hearing how his four year old supports the Bush Doctrine, but he's spot on with this nugget today about the new lot of presidential hopefuls:

So let’s elect a president and fix some stuff and screw up the things we can’t help but screw up and go to Mars. We can argue about what the flag meant and what it will mean tomorrow, but can’t you see a day where everyone’s leaning forward on the sofa, in the bars, in Times Square, watching the pole drive down into red soil? Wouldn’t there be a grand nationwide huzzah, and wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be cool?

Well wouldn't it? We don't need to develop jet packs or fat-free brownies along the way to justify it, either.

Posted 1/10/2008 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

Your music is everywhere, in your car, in your mp3 player at work, over the blaring TV. That's why it sucks so much today: You're not really listening

The idea that engineers make albums louder might seem strange: Isn't volume controlled by that knob on the stereo? Yes, but every setting on that dial delivers a range of loudness, from a hushed vocal to a kick drum — and pushing sounds toward the top of that range makes music seem louder. It's the same technique used to make television commercials stand out from shows. And it does grab listeners' attention — but at a price. Last year, Bob Dylan told Rolling Stone that modern albums "have sound all over them. There's no definition of nothing, no vocal, no nothing, just like — static."

Who can blame producers for using all the tricks in their bag to get your attention, but they shouldn't be surprised when we tune out.

Posted 1/10/2008 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

R.I.P. to the man that discovered the roof of the world

Sir Edmund Hillary, the unassuming beekeeper who conquered Mount Everest to win renown as one of the 20th century's greatest adventurers, has died, New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark announced Friday. He was 88.

I'm sure the Obama is gonna love this headline: Hillary's Dead.

He wrote of the pair's final steps to the top of the world: "Another few weary steps and there was nothing above us but the sky. There was no false cornice, no final pinnacle. We were standing together on the summit. There was enough space for about six people. We had conquered Everest.

I'm sure he and Tenzing Norgay are looking down on the summit of Mt. Everest and laughing at its miniscule stature.

Posted 1/09/2008 05:49:00 PM by Douglas

New camera day! Already, Lola hates it!

Posted 1/07/2008 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

Ever catch your dog lookin' at you, and he's just, ya know, got that look like he's up to something? Maybe he is.

Chambers County sheriff's investigators have concluded a veteran teacher at Baytown's Robert E. Lee High, Perry Alvin Price III, was fatally shot Saturday by his own dog in a freak hunting accident.

According to investigators, the hunting dog stepped on a loaded shotgun in the bed of Price's pickup truck, triggering a discharge that blasted through the tailgate and penetrated Price's thigh.

Man's best friend may have a position open.

Posted 1/06/2008 05:47:00 PM by Douglas

You've got "I'm going to go crazy and kill my girlfriend," and then there's this guy:

A man held on a capital murder charge in the death of his 21-year-old girlfriend tried to cook and eat her body before police arrived, authorities said today.

The woman's death and mutilation were apparently the beginning of a crime spree that included the murder suspect stabbing the boyfriend of his estranged wife and breaking into a business. The stabbing victim is in critical condition at an area hospital, officials said.

When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and some human flesh sitting on a plate with a fork on the kitchen table.

I wonder what kind of wine goes with ear? I'm going to have to look that one up.

Posted 1/06/2008 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Coolest YouTube Video you're going to see today:


Took me a second to figure out what was going on. Watch it again.

Posted 1/06/2008 04:25:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting theory as to why certain diseases are increasing in the developed world and not in the third world

The "hygiene hypothesis," which was first proposed nearly two decades ago, argues that aspects of cleanliness prevent the immune system from programming itself to fight off disease.

"The big question is what are those aspects? We don't want to go back to the standards of the 1800s," Weinstock said. "Public hygiene and cleanliness are very good for us, but removing ourselves entirely from our natural environment is bad for us. We need to figure out the aspects of dirt and exposure that are good for us and hopefully we can find a balance."

It just goes to show, you can't get 'em all, so if you kill 90%, it's that last 10% that's gonna be that much more effective.

If only Bush's foreign policy would make a similar realization.

Posted 1/05/2008 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

OK, Let's call a draw on the laser eyes, let's work out custody of this string.

Posted 1/03/2008 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

Everyone's had a messed up dream. Here's why:

Dreaming is so basic to human existence, it's astonishing we don't understand it better. It consumes years of our lives, and no other single activity exerts such a powerful pull on our imaginations. Yet central as dreaming is, we still have no idea why we dream.

[...]

Faced with actual life-or-death situations—traffic accidents, terrorist attacks, street assaults—some people report entering a mode of calm, rapid response, reacting automatically, almost without thinking. Afterward, they often say the episode felt unreal, as if it were all a dream. Threat simulation, Revonsuo believes, is why.

Well that makes sense. And when I was 15, if ever I was threatened by a naked cheerleader, my gangly, acne ridden body would have known exactly what to do. Tragedy narrowly averted. So then why are most of our dreams aggressive, or at least negative?

Anything the brain tags with a strong negative charge gets thrown into the threat bin and dredged up at night.

I can see that, but there was nothing about my college English teacher that was negative. Nothing, but I digress. But it's not like we can saturate our brains with stupid shit and have worthless dreams about it, can we?

Anyone who's ever played too much Tetris knows you can start having Tetris dreams.

Damn Tetris, I knew that was the real reason I want to shoot my neighbor.

Posted 1/03/2008 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Here's an interesting story about two starry-eyed entrepreneurs and their dream: to bring coffee into an already saturated coffee market. But despite the sunny headline, market share isn't going to be these folk's biggest problem:

Waters look smooth for imported brew

Joe and Terry Butcher have had their fair share of coffee as they worked on crew boats delivering workers and supplies to oil rigs. The two now plan to deliver coffee from Belize to the United States.

The couple, who call El Lago home, are sailing to San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye, in Belize, where they will load 10,000 pounds of the roasted blend and bring it home.

The Butchers are among the new entrepreneurs entering the coffee business. Unlike others, however, the Butchers plan to use their 42-foot sailboat Red Cloud as a cargo ship. The two, along with Joe Butcher's brother, Doug, will make up the crew.

Joe Butcher calls his venture "the dawn of the new age of eco-sailing."

Ok, there's a coffee joint ever 100 yards, but whatever, that's what you want to do, go for it. How'd that turn out for ya? Good?

The Coast Guard has rescued three people -- and one dog -- from a rough seas-battered sailboat in the Gulf of Mexico.

Coast Guard personnel in a helicopter yesterday located the 42-foot boat about 200 miles off Texas.

Coast Guard video shows the boat's occupants being hauled up to the helicopter -- via a basket -- during high winds and 25-foot seas.

25 foot seas, high winds. I'm not laughing at that; lord knows I saw much less than that when the Coast Guard pulled me out of the drink, but it's just such a complete 180 from their previous story. But it gets better.

Somewhere out in the Gulf of Mexico, 200 miles off Galveston, the 42-foot sailboat Red Cloud is drifting unmanned with 10,000 pounds of vacuum-packed coffee on board.

Owner Joe Butcher, his brother, wife and dog were plucked out of storm-tossed seas New Year's Day by a Coast Guard helicopter, but Butcher's ready to go back for his boat and the coffee the crew was importing from Belize.

"I gotta go get my boat," a tired Joe Butcher, 47, said from his El Lago home Wednesday afternoon.

The Texas-size coffee run began in early December and started to go sour when they were forced to divert into Mexican waters to avoid Tropical Storm Olga by midmonth. Things got even worse when a cold front sent waves streaming over the boat and exhausted crew Monday evening. There was nothing to do but call the Coast Guard for rescue.

Wow, what a story. Sounds pretty intense, and they're lucky to be alive. Now what?

The Butchers said they plan to get a little bit of rest and are waiting for the Gulf waters to settle down. At that point, they plan to set out on a friend's boat to tow Red Cloud and its coffee cargo to El Lago.

Yeah, and so does everyone else that read this story. 200 miles out = international waters. Salvage laws says, and I'm paraphrasing, "finder's keepers." So good luck with that.

Posted 1/01/2008 04:55:00 PM by Douglas

Great article about how agriculture ruined the world. Or did it?

About 12,000 years ago people embarked on an experiment called agriculture and some say that they, and their planet, have never recovered. Farming brought a population explosion, protein and vitamin deficiency, new diseases and deforestation.

Well, duh. Some of us know that it's impossible to "live" as a human without destroying part of your environment, no matter how self righteous that hybrid makes you feel. But still, what has agriculture done for us?

The invention of agriculture and the advent of settled society merely swapped high mortality for high morbidity, allowing people some relief from chronic warfare so they could at least grind out an existence, rather than being ground out of existence altogether.

Ahh, farming: providing for long, uninteresting lives for the last 12,000 years. But there's hope:

There is a modern moral in this story. We have been creating ecological crises for ourselves and our habitats for tens of thousands of years. We have been solving them, too. Pessimists will point out that each solution only brings us face to face with the next crisis, optimists that no crisis has proved insoluble yet.

Based on mankind's history, I'm going to have to go with the optimist view on this one: I don't think we can create a problem we can't solve.

When we eventually reverse the build-up in carbon dioxide, there will be another issue waiting for us.

Exactly. So won't someone please get Al Gore to shut his festering pie-hole?

Posted 1/01/2008 03:16:00 PM by Douglas

TV sucks, DVRs have made it even more difficult for advertisers to get you to sit through the crap between their commercials, and how is the TV industry ensuring their livelihood? By making the majority of the TVs in the country obsolete. But never fear, your government is hard at work, making sure that no one in the country is deprived their god given right to Budweiser and Tampax commercials.

Millions of $40 government coupons become available Tuesday to help low-tech television owners buy special converter boxes for older TVs that might not work after the switch to digital broadcasting.

Beginning Feb. 18, 2009, anyone who does not own a digital set and still gets their programming via over-the-air antennas will no longer receive a picture.

That's the day the television industry completes its transition from old-style analog broadcasting to digital.

OK, maybe cable subscribers won't need the converter. What about analog cable? Is it going away? I don't really care. Fuck 'em. It's one thing to make everyone subscribe to digital service, but to make you buy new hardware or a converter? I may be a luddite (may?) but I'm not going to play ball. This is the sign I needed to get rid of the idiot box.

Posted 1/01/2008 02:28:00 PM by Douglas

Happy New Years suckers. I don't have much to say about that, except don't forget your black-eyed peas today. Check out the squirrel for ideas.

For my money, it's just not New Year's day without some injuries due to celebratory gunfire, but there's not even any mention of it in San Antonio, the home of crazy vatos with more ammo than sense. Guess the crack-down worked.