Posted 6/28/2009 12:14:00 PM by Douglas

So what's up with the North Texas earthquakes?

The ground shook, windows rattled and the North Texas town of Cleburne was dealt its sixth earthquake in less than a month.

The U.S. Geological Survey says the 10:30 p.m. Friday tremor registered a 2.2-magnitude and was centered about four miles east of the city.

Two other small tremors were felt in May, and three others hit the area in early June, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

Cleburne officials are working with researchers from Southern Methodist University to determine if nearby gas drilling is causing the quakes.

Well the eggheads from SMU should get right to the bottom of this. If the earthquakes are caused by daddy's money, a frat party or too much diet Coke, they should figure it out before the weekend's over.

Posted 6/28/2009 12:08:00 PM by Douglas

Doing your civic duty, going down to the police station to testify against an accused murderer. Hope you didn't forget to put a squirrel between your boobs.

This is something you don't see everyday, this woman brought along a furry friend when she went to talk to Ohio police about a recent murder case.

Yes, that's a baby squirrel in her cleavage.

At one point she bent over and the squirrel popped out. The woman was not fazed and gently pushed the squirrel back inside her shirt.

I'm looking in your general direction, squirrel.

Posted 6/25/2009 07:39:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting yet ironically article from last week about Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson has gone from boy wonder to circus freak in his 40-year career, with stints en route as 'king of pop', messiah figure and public enemy. How did it happen, and can we expect yet another incarnation when he takes to the stage in London for his comeback concerts next month? Peter Conrad revisits the life and times of pop's Peter Pan

Weird. Wonder if Arts and Letters Daily saw it comin'?

Posted 6/25/2009 05:45:00 PM by Douglas

First Farrah, now Jack-o. Patrick Swayze better watch the fuck out!

Obligatory Farrah poster:

Posted 6/24/2009 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

Yep, I knew it. She's not only an idiot but a really bad liar, too.

Last week, Belgian teen Kimberly Vlaminck told reporters she fell asleep while getting a tattoo and woke up to find 56 stars inked on the left side of her face when she had asked for 3.

“It is terrible for me. I cannot go out on to the street. I look like a freak,” Vlaminck said at the time.

It turns out she was awake the whole time, had asked for all 56 of the stars, and was “fully aware” of what tattoo artist Rouslan Toumaniantz was doing, the Daily Mail reports.

Toumaniantz said he would help pay for the tattoo removal because his customer was unsatisfied. He has now withdrawn that offer.

I hope he sues her.

Posted 6/18/2009 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

Did the pilot have the fish for dinner?

The pilot of a Continental Airlines flight from Brussels to Newark died over the Atlantic Ocean on Thursday, but the jet landed safely with two co-pilots at the controls. The 247 passengers aboard Flight 61 weren't told of the pilot's death and flight attendants continued serving snacks, though the crew did ask for the help of any doctors aboard.

Several passengers approached the cockpit, including one doctor who told The Associated Press the pilot appeared to have suffered a heart attack.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin' glue!

Just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you:

Labels: Airplane

Posted 6/18/2009 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

So why do Iranian police have uniforms that say "Police" in English?

Post-election protests continued in Tehran for the fifth day on Wednesday. In many photos, riot police wear uniforms with the English word police on them. Ambulances, too, bear the word ambulance in English. Why not use Persian words instead of their English equivalents?

Because everyone knows English.

Because we're Americans!

Posted 6/18/2009 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

Why do idiots like this generally live long, prodigious lives? Notice he's still driving towards the tornado? Also, I think by the time you say "I'm too close" to a tornado, it's too late. I wonder if he died in the storm? Nah, he probably just went home and kocked up a few waffle house waitresses.

Posted 6/18/2009 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

Good lord, why would anyone get 56 stars tattooed on their face? Because 57 would be crazy!

She went to The Tattoo Box and says she told owner Rouslan Toumaniantz she wanted only three modest stars near her left eye.

She says she then fell asleep. When she came to, she was seeing stars — 53 too many.

Something was lost in translation, she claims.

"I explicitly said in my native tongue, French, and also in a little bit of English when he looked confused, that I wanted three little stars only near my left eye," according to the Mirror.

Ok, so let's just go ahead and assume she's a blithering idiot. But why would an idiot even let this guy do anything to their face

"She was awake and looked into the mirror several times as the procedure was taking place," he tells the Mirror.

He says dad and her boyfriend freaked out when she got home.

I don't know, but on face value (crap, am I funny!) his story is much more credible. A tattoo artist has no business incentive to give their customer anything but exactly what they ask for. I don't know about England, but you have to be 18 in Texas. No I.Q. requirement, though.

Posted 6/16/2009 07:13:00 PM by Douglas

Hey, remember when we used to make shit instead of being focused on a "service" or "consumer" economy? These guys do, because not only are they going to be making our Happy Meals happy for the unforeseen future, they're going to have all the money in about 15 years.

Leaders of the four largest emerging market economies discussed ways to reduce their reliance on the United States at their first formal summit meeting on Tuesday. But they concluded with only a cautious statement suggesting a move away from the dollar’s role in global commerce and a call for greater representation of developing countries in global financial institutions.

If there's an economist this doesn't scare the shit out of, he's not paying attention. Then there's this:

Mr. Medvedev encouraged China, the world’s largest holder of dollar reserves, and other nations to put their money in some other currency or financial mechanism. He also urged members of the Shanghai Cooperation Organization to use their national currencies in conducting bilateral trade.

“There can be no successful currency system, and particularly a global system, if the financial instruments that are used are denominated in only one currency,” Mr. Medvedev said. “Today, this is the case and the currency is the dollar.”

If this part, "China, the world’s largest holder of dollar reserves" isn't enough to make you cringe, consider that the emerging economies are trying to get away from it like virgin from Prince's couch. But enjoy your flat screen TVs and your ipods, morons, while the rest of the world, not just the BRIC, actually produces something of value.

Check out the BRIC's stats. Don't expect those numbers to decrease anytime soon.

Posted 6/15/2009 06:33:00 PM by Douglas

In yet another truly stirring example of the inseparable bond between man and canine, two pit bulls pulled a crippled widow out of a burning building today. Naw, I'm just shittin' ya, but they did eat another kid in East Texas:

A 10-year-old boy died Monday after authorities say he was mauled by two pit bulls in the small community of Leverett’s Chapel.

Gregg County Justice of the Peace B.H. Jameson pronounced Justin Clinton dead at a Longview hospital. Justin’s body was sent to Dallas for an autopsy.

The Rusk County Sheriff’s Office said witnesses reported seeing the dogs drag the boy, who had been playing at a friend’s house, down the side of the road. Tyler television station KLTV reported that a motorist who saw the attack pulled the animals off the boy.

Sad. They're "just dogs" like Bengal Tigers are "just cats."

Labels: pit bull attacks

Posted 6/15/2009 06:00:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe I'm not drunk, maybe I just like really crappy food late at night.

The Pima County Sheriff's Department has a new campaign targeting drunken driving. Operation Would U Like Fries, or Operation WULF, will put undercover deputies inside 24-hour fast-food restaurants to spot impaired drivers placing their orders.

Sgt. Doug Hanna, a DUI unit supervisor, says if deputies notice someone with classic symptoms of impairment — slurred speech, red or watery eyes or beer breath — they will have a uniformed deputy stationed outside pull the driver over.

Cops: State paid bored kill-joys.

Posted 6/14/2009 01:04:00 PM by Douglas

This story has received a lot of attention, but I have not read one single line about how a cop can pull over an ambulance in the first place.

Authorities decided to make the footage public Friday after local media and FOX News reported on the grainy video showing the May 24 altercation between EMT Maurice White and Oklahoma Highway Patrolman Daniel Martin.

In the video, which was posted to YouTube, Martin and White are shown yelling next to the ambulance. Martin points at White and says, "You are under arrest," and the argument quickly escalates into a physical exchange. White is grasped by the neck -- but then appears to be let go without further police action.

In the dash-cam, you can hear the cop yelling at the EMT that he didn't "Yield to an emergency vehicle." Isn't he driving an emergency vehicle? Why on earth did he stop? Would OHP set up a road block and tire spikes for an ambulance? And why didn't the cop just follow him to the hospital? None of this make any sense whatsoever.

Posted 6/13/2009 02:19:00 PM by Douglas

Let the speculation begin.

Rogue model airplane hobbyists, terrorists, conspiracy theorists — these are all characters in the growing mystery over renegade rockets that had close encounters with two Continental planes as they flew from Houston’s busiest airport.

For the second Memorial Day weekend in a row, a Continental plane had a run-in with a rocket in Chambers County from an unknown source shortly after leaving Bush Intercontinental.

I wonder what Barney Fife is up to on this case?

Assisted by two helicopter pilots with the Houston Police Department, DeFoor and other investigators crisscrossed the area this week — from west Chambers County to the San Jacinto River in east Harris County — looking for any sign of the latest rocket. These rockets, which can cost $10,000, usually are equipped with recovery systems or parachutes so they can be reclaimed.

I'm thinking it's terrorists. Or more probably, these guys.

Posted 6/13/2009 02:02:00 PM by Douglas

What's up, NASA?

For the first time since man set foot on the moon four decades ago, a president has ordered a wholesale review of the space program’s future and whether the U.S. can afford to — or even wants to — return to the moon or send humans hurtling toward Mars.

With new leadership poised to take command of NASA, the next few months could be pivotal to the jobs of thousands of space program employees and contractors who depend on NASA for their livelihoods. As the shuttle prepares for its future as a museum exhibit and cost projections for a new moon mission rise while the timetable slips, the space agency’s political future is very much in doubt.

Despite President Barack Obama’s repeated expressions of excitement about space exploration, his administration’s ongoing scrutiny of the manned program is stirring concern among NASA employees and aerospace contractors that jobs will be lost, multibillion-dollar contracts will be jeopardized and the planned return to the moon will be delayed or even scrapped.

Time to make up your mind on this one. I'm sick of the pro/con arguments, so I'll skip those, but I can't see how it can be scrapped. Even if NASA was totally done away with, that $15 billion a year isn't going to make much of a dent in the budget, considering we're not done handing out trillions of dollars to people that do absolutely nothing except make bad loans.

Posted 6/13/2009 02:01:00 PM by Douglas

I've thought airline pillows and blankets were nasty long before pig flu.

The swine flu prompted Southwest Airlines to do major spring cleaning.

The discount carrier, which has offered free pillows and blankets to its passengers, threw away every shred of linen on its 539 jets on April 29.

“We recently removed blankets and pillows from the aircraft in the last month or so, when the concerns about the swine flu came up,” said Southwest spokesman Chris Mainz at the airline’s Dallas headquarters. “We took them out thinking we would replace them.”

Just what you need while you're waiting on the tarmac in an aluminum tube at D/FW in July: A blanket.

Posted 6/13/2009 01:14:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a lovely vacation destination: Poveglia. Come for the plague, stay for the charred bones.

Several thousand people were gathered and quarantined on the island, where they died together. You can write that off as a crazy decision symptomatic of a time when people presumably still pooped in holes in the ground and thought the sun was a chariot, but not a few centuries later, when everyone did the exact same thing again.

When the Bubonic plague tore through Europe, the island was reinstated to its former "glory;" a final vacation spot for anyone with the plague. When the plague got worse, they lowered Poveglia's requirements from "plague sufferers" to "anybody with any sign of sickness at all." They also changed their policy of "let the infected die peacefully" to "throw them in a large pit (atop already-dead bodies), and set them on fire," which, was quite a leap. Estimates put the death toll at 160,000 on the island, where charred bones still wash up on shore.

Parking was ample.

Posted 6/11/2009 06:33:00 PM by Douglas

Germans invent new über-heavy, über-er worthless new element.

A new, superheavy chemical element numbered 112 will soon be officially included in the periodic table, German researchers said.

Proving the existence of atoms with such a high mass, the so-called superheavy elements, is a complex procedure because they exist for only tiny fractions of a second and then decay radioactively into other elements.

If you get to 113, sell.

Posted 6/11/2009 06:07:00 PM by Douglas

"Taxation without representation." In D.C., it's on their damn license plates, yet apparently, representation isn't as important as making sure D.C. citizens don't share the same rights as the rest of the country has to own a gun

Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC) had to choose between getting her constituents voting representation in Congress and denying her constituents' Second Amendment rights. Guess which way the cookie crumbled. Norton is withdrawing the DC Voting Rights Act because of an amendment attached in the Senate requiring District gun control laws to be no stricter than those of the Federal government. The red-in-the-face fuming of the act's supporters is priceless.

Enjoy your gun laws while you still don't have a vote in Congress, loser.

Posted 6/10/2009 09:39:00 PM by Douglas

I have a big problem with the overuse of the 'Czar' term in American politics, but this is getting a bit absurd: Compensation Czar. So now the executive branch decides how much money the bailed out companies can make? Somehow, that's worse than the handout in the first place.

The Obama administration’s sweeping new proposal to restrict executive pay is likely to be a humbling exercise for seven of the nation’s largest companies, which have received billions of dollars in federal assistance to survive the economic crisis.

The Treasury Department on Wednesday appointed a well-known Washington lawyer, Kenneth R. Feinberg, to oversee the compensation of employees at the seven companies — the American International Group, Citigroup, Bank of America, General Motors, Chrysler and the financing arms of the two automakers.

He will have broad discretion to set the salaries and bonuses for their five most senior executives and their 20 most highly paid employees.

That's just super. A government bureaucrat meddling in failed companies to determine when executives can take a smoke break and who gets the corner office. I'm sure this won't breed corruption.

Posted 6/10/2009 09:25:00 PM by Douglas

Sad to think that all the tress survived the storm, but not the surge, but they gotta do something with them. It's kinda creepy down there with all the dead oaks.

With saws likely to start buzzing soon, Texas forestry officials this week hope to launch a triage program to determine how many of the 11,000 Hurricane Ike-damaged trees on city property can be salvaged.

The process will involve a tree-by-tree examination, the Texas Forest Service’s Pete Smith said. Candidates for cutting will include most tree varieties that have lost 50 percent or more of their canopy. Live oaks with at least 30 percent of their leaves may be spared. The live oaks, Smith said, are “either recovering or dying,” and more time is needed to determine which is the case.

“It was nothing short of an eco-disaster,” said Ed Macie, a U.S. Forest Service regional urban forester. He predicted tree loss will result in higher energy costs, greater flooding and an adverse effect on wildlife.

Sound like it's time for a oak fired bbq!

Posted 6/07/2009 07:23:00 PM by Douglas

Who says Americans can't make great cars anymore? [thanks, longtime reader!]

The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe outsold every car in the United States in 2008 with more than 457,000 units delivered. Mrs. G insisted that our grandson get one on his first Christmas – and it had to be new. Used wouldn’t do.

The company has sold more than 10 million Coupes worldwide in the model’s 30-year run.

It gets great mileage!

Posted 6/07/2009 07:07:00 PM by Douglas

Yesterday I made the mistake of sitting through two hours of this steaming pile of shit. I'm not sure why. This review is way too kind:

It took me a couple days to figure out how to write about it, because I really hated it and I wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was Lucy's fictional narrative, shown in static drawings instead of computer imagery or special effects. Telling us about the ocean levels rising and changing the map may have had more impact if you'd shown us that map? Hell, their image for the flooding of the subways was a photo of a subway tunnel with poorly layered running water where the tracks are. You're not going to scare people into changing with 1960s era effects.

At least no one watched it. But it annoyed me for much less superficial reasons. I know people that don't believe Al Gore's hypothesis about CO2 and climate change are characterized like flat earth supporters, but conclusive evidence does not exist that mankind's carbon emissions are causing it. [just answer one question: What caused the last one?]

But even considering that, listening to Ivy League egg-heads preach to me like a petulant child was way more obnoxious than watching cut-out animation that looks like it was done by a Jr. High art class.

But in the end, it's good to know that the lifestyle we enjoy as Americans is destroying the planet, and that if we don't start living like the Third World, and somehow convince the rest of the planet, most of which are desperately trying to live like Americans, society will collapse, and we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic dystopic nightmarish hellscape.

Unless you're a tenured professor at Harvard. If you are, then your car only emits sunshine and rainbows.

Posted 6/07/2009 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Speaking of boring cars, check out this review of Honda's new hybrid. Sounds more like an inbred to me:

So here goes. It’s terrible. Biblically terrible. Possibly the worst new car money can buy. It’s the first car I’ve ever considered crashing into a tree, on purpose, so I didn’t have to drive it any more.

And the sound is worse. The Honda’s petrol engine is a much-shaved, built-for-economy, low-friction 1.3 that, at full chat, makes a noise worse than someone else’s crying baby on an airliner. It’s worse than the sound of your parachute failing to open. Really, to get an idea of how awful it is, you’d have to sit a dog on a ham slicer.

Sounds like a winner. I've always thought that the huge mileage a hybrid claims to get comes from 'mortgaging' the energy from the batteries, that much be replaced just like gas in the tank. And last time I checked, lead-acid batteries aren't very damn green, either.

Posted 6/07/2009 04:53:00 PM by Douglas

Such a pity so little is known of Isabel Paterson:

Mention the name Isabel Paterson in such a gathering, and you’re likely to draw blank looks. For all the fervor that Rand inspires, little notice is paid to the woman who most inspired her.

Ayn Rand certainly gets more attention from college freshmen smoking clove cigarettes and trying to get laid, but Paterson isn't forgotten. I'll bet she wore this comment like a badge:

Such notions were contemptuously disregarded by the public intellectuals of the 1930s, men who considered Paterson a reactionary lady novelist, lacking the ability to comprehend big, hairy-chested Keynesian and Marxist theories. Edmund Wilson, America’s leading young literary critic, informed Paterson that she was “the last surviving person to believe in [the] quaint old notions on which the republic was founded.”

I'm kinda fond of this quote, too:

A tax-supported, compulsory educational system is the complete model of the totalitarian state.

Posted 6/07/2009 04:42:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting take on Smirnov and his lovely spirit.

Vodka was invented in Russia by medieval monks, but it has always had a most unholy effect there. It became essential to "wet the bargain" between merchants, bribe soldiers, pay wages, insulate bureaucrats against frigid mornings or help peasants endure their misery. Throughout the 19th century, vodka taxes averaged 30% of the state budget. Chekhov, who treated alcoholics as a doctor, called vodka "Satan's blood."

Let's not mince words.

Vodka-drinking, says Ms. Himelstein, was simply "Russia's great pastime."

Ha! Go with what you're good at.

Posted 6/07/2009 04:31:00 PM by Douglas

P.J. O’Rourke, hilariously, on the death of the American automobile. Or more specifically, the love affair with the American automobile.

Four things greater than all things are,—Women and Horses and Power and War.

But what happened?

The car ceased to be object of desire and equipment for adventure and turned into office, rec room, communications hub, breakfast nook and recycling bin—a motorized cup holder.

Yep. $4 a gallon gas makes you feel bad about spinning the tires, but do you really want to anyway? The cart guys at Kroger look at you like you're an idiot. I especially like his take about how impossible new cars are to repair, and how damn naggy they are:

One might as well pry the back off an iPod as pop the hood on a contemporary motor vehicle. An aging shade-tree mechanic like myself stares aghast and sits back down in the shade. Or would if the car weren’t squawking at me like a rehearsal for divorce. You left the key in. You left the door open. You left the lights on. You left your dirty socks in the middle of the bedroom floor.

So we want boring, and Detroit is happy to ablige. The sadder part? Japan does it better, anyway:

And there’s the end of the American automobile industry. When it comes to dull, practical, ugly things that bore and annoy me, Japanese things cost less and the cup holders are more conveniently located.

I remember a Mercedes commercial from about 20 years ago: the whole point: "People don't get their pictures made with their toasters and washing machines." I wonder if people who drive Toyota Camry or Honda Civics get their pictures made with them? And why?

Labels: P.J. O'Rourke

Posted 6/07/2009 04:13:00 PM by Douglas

So it was probably a model rocket, not a missile.

Investigators say a flying object that narrowly missed a Continental Express plane last month may have been a large model rocket.

Pilots potted the object at roughly 16,000 feet. It was about 5 feet to 7 feet long.

Still, 16,000 feet? That wasn't one of these these.

Posted 6/07/2009 04:08:00 PM by Douglas

60,000 people at a Dallas Cowboy's stadium opening party and only 20 drunks get arrested?

At least 19 public intoxication arrests were made during the debut of the $1.15 billion Cowboys Stadium.

A statement from Arlington police said they also made one DWI arrest and one assault arrest Saturday night.

At least 60,188 fans showed up, The Dallas Morning News reported.

You're letting me down, Dallas. You used to know how to party.

Posted 6/06/2009 02:22:00 PM by Douglas

Fun names on your neighbor's wifi.

Posted 6/05/2009 07:25:00 PM by Douglas

This didn't sound like suicide to me, either.

Police are speculating that accidental suffocation, not suicide, may have caused the death of American cult actor David Carradine, whose body was found in a hotel closet in the Thai capital with a rope tied to his neck, wrist and genitals.

Celebrity blogs and social networking Web sites were abuzz with news of the death of Carradine — best known for the 1970s TV series "Kung Fu." The circumstances under which he died have led to speculation that the 72-year-old actor may have been engaged in a dangerous form of sex play known as auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Come on, this is Thailand. The dead hooker, the nine pounds of Burmese heroin and the suitcase full of Panda meat in the room didn't tip anyone off that this might not be suicide?

Posted 6/05/2009 07:23:00 PM by Douglas

Rancher wins $232 Million. Good for him.

If this were a movie, nobody would believe it: A rancher struggling to eke out a living in one of the poorest corners of America claimed one of the biggest undivided jackpots in U.S. lottery history Friday — $232 million — after buying the ticket in a town by the name of Winner.

Neal Wanless, 23, said he intends to buy himself more room to roam and repay the kindness other townspeople have shown his family.

"I want to thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity and blessing me with this great fortune. I will not squander it," he promised, wearing a big black cowboy hat and a huge grin.

I know this much. He'll never get anyone else to buy him a cup of coffee down at the cafe again.

When reached for comment, he said "I plan to just keep on ranchin' 'till it's all gone."

Posted 6/05/2009 07:20:00 PM by Douglas

Hey dude! If you're an amateur rocket enthusiast around IAH, cut it the fuck out

Investigators believe the object that narrowly missed a Continental Express jet a week ago was a civilian-made rocket — described as a white cylinder about 5 to 7 feet long with triangular fins on its tail — rather than a military missile.

The description came from debriefing the jet’s pilot and co-pilot who spotted a rocket with a long white vapor trail headed directly toward their cockpit at 16,000 feet shortly after they took off from George Bush Intercontinental Airport about 8 p.m. on May 29, authorities said. The flight was carrying 23 passengers to Greenville, S.C.

This is the second time within a year that a Continental plane has encountered a rocket-like object in its air space shortly after taking off from Houston Intercontinental.

Pilots have enough to worry about without getting shot down in the 5:15 from Greenville to Houston.

Posted 6/05/2009 07:02:00 PM by Douglas

Spying for Cuba? Really?

A retired State Department worker and his wife have been arrested on charges of spying for Cuba for three decades, using grocery carts among their array of tools to pass U.S. secrets to the communist government in a security breach one official described as "incredibly serious."

We need to be spying on Cuba! We desperately need to find out how they get American cars to run for 50 years. . .

Posted 6/04/2009 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

The gayest guy on earth would think this is over the top:



I don't think I've ever seen the Total Eclipse of the Heart video, which made this much funnier.

Posted 6/01/2009 07:57:00 PM by Douglas

Doesn't surprise me that only 6% got these right. There weren't any questions about dumb TV

Yeah, I got 12 of 12.

Labels: dumb internet quiz

Posted 6/01/2009 06:02:00 PM by Douglas

GM and Citi join the ranks of "U.S. Rubber" and "National Lead." Companies that got kicked off the djiq.

According to a statement released Monday, General Motors, which filed for bankruptcy on Monday, will be replaced by Cisco Systems (CSCO, Fortune 500); Citigroup (C, Fortune 500) will be replaced by The Travelers Companies (TRV, Fortune 500).

The changes in the Dow will go into effect on on [sic] June 8, according to Dow Jones.

And over at Wiki, they're already filed under the historical components link, or as the rest of the world refers to them, "No longer fucking relevant."

Posted 6/01/2009 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

So GM finally goes teats up, declares bankruptcy.

General Motors filed for bankruptcy protection early Monday, a move once viewed as unthinkable that became inevitable after years of losses and market share declines capped by a dramatic plunge in sales in recent months.

And to the surprise of absolutely no one:

In the end, even $19.4 billion in federal help wasn't enough to keep the nation's largest automaker out of bankruptcy. The government will pour another $30 billion into GM to fund operations during its reorganization.

GM will shed its Pontiac, Saturn, Hummer and Saab brands and cut loose more than 2,000 of its 6,000 U.S. dealerships by next year. That could result in more than 100,000 additional job losses if those dealerships are forced to close.

A dozen facilities were identified for closure. Those plants employ most of the more than 20,000 U.S. workers GM intends to cut by the end of next year.

So you're getting a $50 Billion loan (shit, I almost said that this time without laughing), you're going to directly ax 20,000 jobs in a dozen plants, and indirectly cause the loss of another 100,000 jobs, all while you're making shitty cars with overinflated union labor? Am I missing something? Can't you do that without every person in the country kicking in $170. That's your share of the $50 Billion.

You're done, Detroit. Enjoy your last pension payments.

Posted 6/01/2009 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

What did I have for lunch today?

French Dip.

Posted 6/01/2009 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Headline: Hurricanes and Texas: Coastline hardest hit" Cover story on the latest issue of Duh! Magazine.

Flooding and damage along the Texas Gulf Coast from major hurricanes is expected to be more severe in the coming years because of global warming, according to a study released today.

Ok, we get it, global warming blah blah blah, bad raising sea level, blah blah blah. Now, here are some numbers we pulled from deep from our asses:

The study projected that rising sea levels and more intense hurricanes, due to global warming, will increase structural damage to homes and buildings from a major hurricane in Corpus Christi by 60 percent to 100 percent in about 20 years and by more than 250 percent by the 2080s.[emphasis added]

I'm sure there's a explanation that's as concise and interesting as Al Gore explaining fractional reserve banking, but what's the correlation between global warming and hurricane intensity/frequency? How can global warming cause floods and droughts? Is it to blame for those itchy red bumps on my crotch? I should probably have that checked out.

Labels: Duh, hurricanes

Posted 6/01/2009 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Once again, the elusive shuttle inches closer to Houston. Or, maybe not.

Shuttle Atlantis took off today from Edwards Air Force Base in California to begin its journey back to Florida and stopped in El Paso for the night.

It's not clear whether Atlantis will pass through, or over, the Houston area when it returns to the sky Tuesday.

And in other news, Geralissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. We're pretty sure.