Posted 11/29/2005 05:51:00 PM by Douglas

I don't know whether I'm way too smart or way too dumb to understand what's wrong with this steaming pile of crap, but I smell a big one. "Retroactive Insurance?!?" What word doesn't belong in that sentence?

As Congress considers long-term proposals to spur recovery in hurricane-ravaged areas, a rift has emerged between Democrats and Republicans over legislation to provide some hurricane victims with retroactive coverage under the federal flood insurance program.

The proposal would apply to property owners who suffered hurricane flood damage this year but did not have flood insurance policies because their property was not located in federally designated flood areas that are subject to mandatory purchase requirements. To be eligible, those property owners would have to have purchased other types of hazard insurance before Hurricane Katrina struck.

A hand-out is a hand-out, so why sugar coat it? But to totally disguisie it as a 'retroactive policy' is not only criminal, but an insult to all the policy paying members of Katrina's wake that are still waiting for an adjuster. What about those dumb sumbitches that paid for their policies before the disaster hit? Are they going to get a break? Prolly not. But it gets better:

"These were people who were outside the floodplain," said Watt, whose amendment failed on a 34-32 vote after more than an hour of contentious debate. "There wasn't any reason for these people to buy flood insurance."

There wasn't a reason? What's he smoking? I live 13 feet above sea level along Clear Creek, yet mysteriously out of the flood plain. During Rita, the expected storm surge was 26 feet if she made a direct hit on Galveston Bay. I don't live in the flood plain, either, but I have flood insurance for a reason. Mainly, because I live 13 feet above sea level on Clear Creek, I have a perfunctory knowledge of basic arthritic (26-13), and I don't own a john boat.
There has to be a point where welfare and insurance diverge.

Posted 11/29/2005 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

As usual, I'm just jealous of that interminable Aggie pride. Apparently, acting like a horse's ass, literally, is part of their 'rich heritage of tradition.'

A sophomore member of Texas A&M University's Parsons Mounted Cavalry was charged Friday with throwing horse feces onto members of the University of Texas band before the A&M-UT football game.

John Richmond Sullivan, 20, was seen by a University Police Department lieutenant throwing a shovel full of horse feces onto band members at Kyle Field at about 10 a.m. Friday, according to an officer's affidavit.

It had to be a "shovel full" of dung? You can't just throw horse feces on a band member. . . you gotta use a shovel? What a pussy. It takes a big man, preferably a member of the nation's only collegiate military cavalry unit, to throw horse shit on these guys:

Posted 11/29/2005 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

Why is it that I think that 2007 is already here.

The Federal Communications Commission voted 3-1 Monday to require electronics manufacturers to make all television sets ADHD-compatible within two years.

"In the media-saturated climate of the modern age, few have the time and energy to sit still for an entire episode of King Of Queens," Martin said. "Although the FCC will leave it up to the television networks to make the necessary programming changes, we are recommending, in accordance with the ADHDTV standard, that all shows be no more than six minutes in length, and that they contain jarring and unpredictable camera cuts to shiny props and detailed background sets."

"We're also advising that intra-episode recaps occur every 45 seconds," he added.

As usual, The Onion would be much funnier if it weren't so damn realistic, and in this case, probable.

Posted 11/28/2005 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Another case of Texas vs. Wal-mart. This one is pretty ugly.

Family members of a Texas shoplifting suspect who suffocated during a struggle with Wal-Mart store employees are suing the retail giant.

The death of Stacy Clay Driver, of Cleveland, Texas, was ruled a homicide by the Harris County Medical Examiner's Office. It was caused primarily by asphyxia from compression to the neck and chest.

Medical examiners said hyperthermia with methamphetamine toxicity were the secondary causes.

Driver's family is seeking unspecified damages against Bentonville, Ark.-based Wal-Mart. The family said the retailer should demonstrate that loss-prevention employees, who work to spot thefts, meet training standards.

A good way to strengthen your wrongful death suit against Wal-Mart? Don't steal stuff from them when you're tweaked out on meth.

Posted 11/28/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

One down, 533 to go.

Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham said Monday he is resigning from Congress after pleading guilty to taking more than $2 million in bribes in a criminal conspiracy involving at least three defense contractors.

After entering his plea in San Diego, California, the eight-term California Republican said he was "deeply sorry."

"The truth is I broke the law, concealed my conduct and disgraced my office," he told reporters, his voice strained with emotion. "I know I will forfeit my reputation, my worldly possessions -- most importantly the trust of my friends and family."

Just how sorry are you? How 'bout a $2.9 million donation to your favourite charity? That'd convince me.

And yes, it's only 533, since The Honorable Ron Paul is still on of the good guys.

Posted 11/27/2005 03:03:00 PM by Douglas

Just in time for Christmas, now you too can relive George W. Bush's triumphant march into Baghdad. Wasn't that almost three years ago? I forget.

The Iraq war has spawned playing cards (remember Saddam as ace of spades?), countless books and even a TV series. Now it has its own board game. An Oregon company, Jiggi Games, has released Battle to Baghdad: The Fight for Freedom. The game is set in March 2003, with U.S. forces racing across the desert. "You will take out airports, night bomb cities, hunt down Saddam Hussein, and take over Baghdad," say the instructions. The goal is to conquer Baghdad without running out of soldiers while drawing cards like "Car bomber ... You lose 200 troops" or "Air drop ... You gain 300 troops." One card shows a female soldier holding a naked detainee on a leash and reads, "Disgrace: Some soldiers are found guilty of unlawful treatment and inhumane acts of violence toward Iraqi prisoners. You lose 100 troops!"

Lovely. You know, for the kids!

And it's only $30! Why not get two?!? Also here.

Posted 11/27/2005 01:51:00 PM by Douglas

At least I'm historical:


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Posted 11/27/2005 01:25:00 PM by Douglas

UNT goes high-tech with fingerprint recognition for campus food stores.

University of North Texas students will soon have a new way to pay for their meals on campus and at some places off campus — their fingerprints.

Sodexho, which manages the Union Food Court in the student union, has joined with iMye, a technology company, to install electronic finger-scanning payment devices at 14 food vendors on campus and 11 merchants off campus.

Is this really cool or really scary? A bit of both, I guess. Your fingerprint is much more secure than a magnetic strip on the back of a plastic card, but isn't it a bit unsettling to use your fingertip to get a box of Ding-Dongs? And what's up with this:

Sharma said the accounts are similar to bank accounts. Instead of using cash, credit or checks to pay for their meals, students place their finger on the scanner and type in an identification number to get to their money.

What the hell do you need a PIN for if you're using your finger for identification? PINs are useful for card transactions in the even that someone else tries to use your card. Is there really a concern with someone else trying to use your finger to buy food?

Posted 11/27/2005 01:17:00 PM by Douglas

A hero from Katrina acting somewhat less heroically:

A man hailed by some as a hero for commandeering a school bus the day after Hurricane Katrina to take 60 stranded residents to safety in Houston has been arrested on drug charges where his bus journey began: the Fischer public housing complex.

Jabar Gibson, 20, who garnered a movie deal and national attention as the renegade bus driver, was booked Friday with possession with intent to distribute heroin after police stopped his rental car for allegedly driving erratically, New Orleans police said.

Gibson and another man, Gary Burnett, were traveling near the public housing complex about 12:30 p.m. when they veered slightly and nearly struck the police cruiser of officers Michael Pierce and Cory McKain, Pierce said.

At least there are some things getting back to normal in New Orleans.

Posted 11/27/2005 01:13:00 PM by Douglas

Sadly, the most disgusting part of this story isn't that he has his taint pierced.

DEPECHE MODE star DAVE GAHAN was forced to remove the 'geish' piercing between his testicles and his anus when one of his kids quizzed him about the ring that dangled there.

"I knew it was time to get rid of it when one of my kids noticed it and was like, 'Why do you have an earring in your a**?'"

These are all good questions, but the first one that came to my mind was what in the hell are you doing that would give your kid an opportunity to visually witness your taint piercing?

Posted 11/27/2005 01:03:00 PM by Douglas

Statue of the Virgin Mary is crying in California. Why? Probably because of something you did.

Carrying rosary beads and cameras, the faithful have been coming in a steady stream to a church on the outskirts of Sacramento for a glimpse of what some are calling a miracle: A statue of the Virgin Mary they say has begun crying a substance that looks like blood.

It was first noticed more than a week ago, when a priest at the Vietnamese Catholic Martyrs Church spotted a stain on the statue's face and wiped it away. Before Mass on Nov. 20, people again noticed a reddish substance near the eyes of the white concrete statue outside the small church, said Ky Truong, 56, a parishioner.

Since then, Truong said he has been at the church day and night, so emotional he can't even work. He believes the tears are a sign.

"There's a big event in the future — earthquake, flood, a disease," Truong said. "We're very sad."

Why does it always have to signify something bad? She could have just come from a wedding or something.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

After a wildly successful run of making an insane mark-up on a $3.00 piece of skirt stake and charging gringos $15.99 for fajitas, it looks as though cabrito is soon to make its move on the gringo palate.

Goat meat imports to the U.S. jumped about 140% over a seven-year period ending in 2003. Now some California farmers see gold in goat. They are expanding their herds, hoping to cash in on consumers' broadening tastes.

"As goat producers, we are standing in one of the most enviable positions of any agriculture industry in the United States," said Marvin Shurley, president of the American Meat Goat Assn. in Sonora, Texas. "High demand for our products and livestock prices are unmatched within the history of our industry."

Some 40% of the goat meat consumed in the U.S. is imported from Australia and New Zealand. The remainder is produced by farmers with herds ranging from 15 to 8,000 animals.

But are the goats slaughtered in accordance to god's wishes? You don't want your dead goat to anger the lord.

Each animal is slaughtered according to Islamic halal rules that require the recitation of God's name before the animal is killed. After that, the animal is hung by a hind leg to allow the blood to drain from the body. At one point, the slaughterhouse worked with a rabbi to produce a line of kosher lamb.

Just make sure they're not slaughtered as part of a ritual sacrifice. At least not in a State Lab.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

Two words I never would have expected to see in the same news story: SWAT and Mexia, Texas

Sgt. Scott Neal, 31, was shot by a fellow officer as Mexia ISD and Mexia police went through SWAT training exercises in an abandoned fire department next to Mexia's city hall shortly after noon, said Matt Cawthon, a Texas Ranger who was among those that responded to the shooting.

“Team leaders, commanders and instructors are to check and double check (weapons used in training exercises), but somehow that one didn't get checked,” Cawthon said. “There's no sense in it. It's just tragic.”

Other things with no sense in it? Why the hell does Mexia ISD, much less the entire city of Mexia participate in SWAT training? Are they afraid Anna Nichole is going to come back and get rowdy at Jim's Crispy Fried Chicken?

What a pointlessly ridiculous waste of life. Anna Nichole, too.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

I don't really see much of a market for this product, but I have had some farts that I thought should be preserved for future generations.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Black Friday is over, and it looks as if Wal-Mart is happy. And if Wal-Mart ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right?

Wal-Mart Stores Inc.'s deep discounting and expanded hours on the first day of the holiday shopping season, appeared to have paid off, the world's largest retailer said Saturday.

Wal-Mart said it expects to post a solid 4.3 percent gain in same-store sales for November, helped by better-than expected sales during the post-Thanksgiving day shopping rush. That's at the midpoint of its growth forecast of 3 to 5 percent. The sales results cover the four-week period through Friday.

What you may have missed if you slept in yesterday.

Orlando:

An Orlando television station reports that security guards wrestled a man to the ground Friday morning after he cut in line to get a laptop computer that was on sale.

The television station reported that the man argued with other customers and then fought with the guards.

One man told reporters that the laptops were being thrown into the air and people rushed toward them.

Michigan:

A woman was stepped on by several people after she fell when dozens of shoppers rushed into a Grand Rapids area Wal-Mart store around 5 o'clock this morning.

When the rush ended, the woman and a 13-year-old girl suffered minor injuries.

In nearby Grandville, two shoppers were hurt when they slipped on a wet floor as they entered a Wal-Mart. Officials say one of the injured was after a bargain notebook computer. Neither was hurt seriously.

Florida:

A woman at a Pembroke Pines Wal-Mart was also injured and required hospital treatment when she was pushed to the ground by another shopper, according to fire officials.

And of course, Texas:

Early morning shoppers at Beaumont’s Wal-Mart say they were pepper sprayed by an off-duty police officer working security as a large crowd gathered in the electronics department of the store.

“There were some people trying to break thru the crowds because they were throwing up, and couldn't breathe,” said one shopper, Andrenette Davis, “It was pretty bad.”

People, is a crappy $378 HP laptop worth your dignity, or even worse, getting trampled and pepper sprayed? What's the odds of you actually getting one of these computers, anyway?

Calls made to several Wal-Marts around the country revealed that one of the hottest items on the holiday sale list, a $378 Hewlett-Packard laptop, sold out within the first hour the stores were open.

"They trampled each other for 'em," said one Wal-Mart employee at a Maryland store. "It was great."

Someone make a line-up of Maryland Wal-Mart employees so this fucker can be shot. Immediately. But to continue. . .

Four Wal-Marts contacted by CNNMoney.com said they received limited supplies of the HP laptop, ranging from 15 at a store in Michigan to about 65 at the Maryland location.

Fifteen computers. The flagship loss-leader of the whole sale, and there's 15 of them? Why the hell do people continue to spend money in this hell-hole, any time of year? Why do I continue to spend money in this hell hole?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, indeed.

Posted 11/26/2005 03:15:00 PM by Douglas

Who knew the Germans had such a self-esteem problem?

A multimillion-dollar campaign to boost Germans' low self-confidence has backfired after it emerged that its slogan was coined by the Nazis.

The $34 million "Du Bist Deutschland -- You Are Germany" -- campaign was devised to inspire Germans to stop moaning and do something good for their country.

Not being the biggest fan of their collaborative work in the 20th century, I'm not sure what to think about this. And what are they so down about? Couldn't they just invade France or something? That always seemed to cheer them up in the past.

Posted 11/26/2005 03:07:00 PM by Douglas

Brownie's greatest hits. Who could forget this classic?

Shortly after 7 a.m. on the morning of the storm, a FEMA public affairs official sent Brown an e-mail complimenting him on the outfit he wore during a national television briefing. In response to the e-mail, whose subject was “Re: New Orleans update,” Brown said, “I got it at Nordstroms,” then added, “Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?”

You sure can, Brownie.

Posted 11/26/2005 02:50:00 PM by Douglas

What do you do when history has proved you are too incompetent for a kooshy, appointed government job? Start your own consulting firm, of course:

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, heavily criticized for his agency's slow response to Hurricane Katrina, is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm to help clients avoid the sort of errors that cost him his job.

In the aftermath of the hurricane, critics complained about Brown's lack of formal emergency management experience and e-mails that later surfaced showed him as out of touch with the extent of the devastation.

This may be the best place for him. He can now related to others how his "getting fired" experience taught him how he should have done his job. After all, what did the man do besides get fired?

Well, there's this compelling exchange of emails.

_Bahamonde to Nicole Andrews, FEMA spokeswoman, Aug. 30, 7:02 a.m.
"What is happening with the US travel this morning. When is he coming to New Orleans. The area around the Superdome is filling up with water, now waist deep. The US can land and do a presser but then have to leave, there will be no ground tour, only flyover," referring to planned visit by Brown.

_Bahamonde to FEMA Director Michael Brown, Aug. 31, 11:20 a.m.
"Sir, I know that you know the situation is past critical. Here some things you might not know.
Hotels are kicking people out, thousands gathering in the streets with no food or water. Hundreds still being rescued from homes.
The dying patients at the DMAT tent being medivac. Estimates are many will die within hours. Evacuation in process. Plans developing for dome evacuation but hotel situation adding to problem. We are out of food and running out of water at the dome, plans in works to address the critical need.

_Sharon Worthy, Brown's press secretary, to Cindy Taylor, FEMA deputy director of public affairs, and others, Aug. 31, 2 p.m.
"Also, it is very important that time is allowed for Mr. Brown to eat dinner. Gievn (sic) that Baton Rouge is back to normal, restaurants are getting busy. He needs much more that (sic) 20 or 30 minutes. We now have traffic to encounter to get to and from a location of his choise (sic), followed by wait service from the restaurant staff, eating, etc.

_Bahamonde to Taylor and Michael Widomski, public affairs, Aug. 31, 2:44 p.m.
"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! No won't go any further, too easy of a target. Just tell her that I just ate an MRE and crapped in the hallway of the Superdome along with 30,000 other close friends so I understand her concern about busy restaurants. Maybe tonight I will have time to move my pebbles on the parking garage floor so they don't stab me in the back while I try to sleep.

Wow. Their incompetence still amazes me. It would kind of be interesting, from the perspective of morbid curiosity, who in their right mind would actually hire this idiot as a private consultant.

Posted 11/26/2005 02:46:00 PM by Douglas

Here's another thing Brownie could focus on with his new consulting firm: Misleading testimony.

In his Sept. 27 testimony to the House panel that also is investigating the government's response, Brown had said that he sent a dozen FEMA staffers, including a medical team, to New Orleans before Katrina struck. He said Bahamonde was designated as his liaison to New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin.

Not true, Bahamonde said Thursday. "I was the only one" Brown sent to New Orleans before the hurricane, Bahamonde said. He added, "I was not sent there to be a liaison with anyone."

Brown testified that Bahamonde had sent him a "fairly routine kind of e-mail" on Monday, Aug. 29, describing the "general conditions" at the Superdome. Bahamonde also communicated later that day, Brown testified, that the shelter "had plenty of food" to feed those thronging there.

Not so, Bahamonde said Thursday. "Nothing I did was routine as I tried to express in the best way I could the urgency and need for medical teams before the hurricane hit because there was already a critical situation developing there on Sunday."

He never told Brown, he said, that food supplies were adequate.

Who ya gonna believe? Brownie, or his subordinate that was actually there? Not to mention he had over 12 years of FEMA experience. Yet oddly, no experience with Arabian horses.

Posted 11/23/2005 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

This can't be good news for the shuttle program:

U.S. President George Bush has signed a bill passed by the U.S. Congress ending restrictions on NASA's use of Russian Soyuz spacecraft for flights to the International Space Station, the White House said Wednesday. The document allows the United States to pay Russian organizations for work conducted on or services provided for the ISS. The bill, which amends the Iran Nonproliferation Act of 2000, allows NASA to cooperate with Russia on the ISS, including the possibility of using Soyuz craft to ferry American astronauts to the station.

The act linked NASA-Russia cooperation on the ISS to the observance by Russia of the ban to deliver certain weapons and technologies to Iran.

Less launches from Florida, more launches from Iran. That can't be a bad thing, can it?

Posted 11/22/2005 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

What a great story:

Crystal Butts doesn't mind taking orders from her boss.

Ok, I know this sounds like some kind of porn strike, but it's not. It's your typical case of phone-book mistaken identity. But it sounds fun, don't it?

Butts said her family is a victim of immovable corporate bureaucracy, with the SBC Yellow Pages erroneously listing her home number as that of My Thai Restaurant - and not changing it after 18 months of asking.

"It gets pretty bad," she said. "I've been called stupid because people want me to answer questions I can't answer because I'm not the My Thai."

Butts and her family got the phone number when they moved to Amarillo in July 2004. As soon as their phone was installed, they started getting phone calls, she said.

"And we've called and called both phone books, and they said they would take care of it," Butts said. "Well, when the new phone books came out, it wasn't changed.

For the last time, people. Butts isn't My Thai. Any questions?

But(t) seriously, would this have made the news if her name wasn't Butts? I think not.

Posted 11/22/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Is there any topic Texans hate more than School Tax Reform? I don't think so. So when The Texas Supreme Court today declared the school finance system unconstitutional, that would cause most taxpayers to stand up and take note, right? Probably not:

The Texas Supreme Court today struck down a key part of the state's public school funding system and gave the Legislature until June 1 to correct the problem.

The ruling, which partly upholds and partly reverses a state district court decision issued last year, means Gov. Rick Perry will have to call still another special session of the Legislature to tackle the problem.

The high court held 7-1 that the $1.50 per $100 valuation cap on local school maintenance taxes amounts to an unconstitutional statewide property tax because many school districts are at or near the limit.

Hold on. . . .I kinda got lost on that last part. Why is it that because "many school districts are at or near the limit" does the law become "unconstitutional?" Sounds like school districts are spending faster than they're growing, and much faster than their tax base is growing. So why is it suddenly "unconstitutional" that they're out of money? Does that somehow give them the right to extort more money from the proletariat they so saccharinely claim to educate?

Or am I just pissed off because I've got a tax bill due?

Posted 11/22/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

The valiant men and women of the Houston Police Department, in a state of perpetual vigilance, have apprehended spider man.

The man known as the French "Spiderman" was foiled in his attempt to scale a downtown high-rise just moments after he dashed by police officers and leaped onto the side of One Houston Center on the 1200 block of McKinney.

"Had we been three or four seconds late, he'd have been history" on his way up the building, said Sgt. K. Perkins of the Houston Police Department special operations unit. "He's an excellent climber. He moves so swiftly."

Thankfully, I can get some sleep this weekend. Who knows what would happen if Spiderman was loose on the town in Houston on Thanksgiving weekend and got his abdomen full of fried turkey?!?

Bedlam! Pure Bedlam!

Posted 11/22/2005 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

RIP Lt. Col. "Mini" Mott.

Michael Irvine Mott, vice president and general manager of NASA systems for the Boeing Co. in Houston and a former Marine Corps aviator, has died of cancer. He was 56.

Because of his slight stature, Mott earned the call sign "Mini" while flying for the Marine Corps, a nickname that stuck even as he retired in 1991 as a lieutenant colonel after 20 years.

However, his associates thought of Mott as an enthusiastic executive and military officer who was eager to rally colleagues to find solutions to difficult problems.

Posted 11/22/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Suck on this, vegans.

Contaminated fruits and vegetables are causing more food-borne illness among Americans than raw chicken or eggs, consumer advocates said a in [sic]report released on Monday.

Now, eat a burger and shut your fucking pie hole.

Posted 11/21/2005 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Until this weekend, I had never heard of the Bricklin, nor can I possibly imagine, at 13 MPG, this was even a good idea in 1974. But what strikes me as odd is what Wiki thinks a rotary engine is. Isn't that a radial engine? And I always thought a Wankel engine was a rotary engine.

So what's the difference?

Posted 11/21/2005 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

The home computer has been the thorn in the side of record company executives and the RIAA for the past decade, and after countless attempts to reign in the piracy of CD and/or file sharing, how does Sony react? Like a total moron.

The fact that so-called digital rights management might always be a doomed experiment became painfully clear with the fiasco that erupted after Sony BMG Music Entertainment added a technology known as XCP to more than 50 popular CDs.

After it was discovered that XCP opened gaping security holes in users' computers — as did the method Sony BMG offered for removing XCP — Sony BMG was forced to recall the discs this week. Some 4.7 million had been made and 2.1 million sold.

Here's the deal, guys. You sell buggy whips. Those little $13.99 to $15.99 plastic disks with holes in the middle have proved to be a complete rip-off, not only because they only contain 10 songs (when 20 will generally easily fit) but because two thirds of the CD is complete and utter dreck pumped out by the label as filler. Instead of attacking the problem, why not try something that's already 100% within your control: The cause:

Phil Leigh, analyst for Inside Digital Media, said the debacle shows just how reluctant the labels are to change their business model to reflect the distribution powers — good and bad — of the Internet. He believes that rather than adopting technological methods to try to stop unauthorized copying of music, record companies need to do more to remove the incentive for piracy.

Well, Phil, you can't unring the bell. The internet has shown us how easy it is to share files, and even without the net, it's so much easier to extract the "good" songs from a CD and dump the rest. Then it can again be "shared" many times. I think it's a stretch to say these are lost sales, because these people aren't going to buy the CD for one decent song anyway. But where did Sony go wrong this time?:

"The biggest mistake the labels are making is, they're letting their lawyers make technical decisions. Lawyers don't have any better understanding of technology than a cow does algebra," Leigh said. "They insist on chasing this white whale."

When all you've got is a hammer, pretty soon, everything starts looking like a nail. If everyone in the country is guilty of violating the spirit, if not the letter of the law, then why not go after my grandma because I made her a copy of my Glen Miller CD? She's just as guilty, right? Why not throw her in jail? But he continues:

It's easy to understand why the music industry wishes songs could magically be prevented from being ripped from CDs and shared freely.

Why is that easy to understand? If I buy a CD, want to listen to it on my computer (or MP3 player) why should I have to jump through any hoops? I paid for it, right? I own that copy, and I haven't made any duplicates. Where's the crime? The record companies don't understand why their customers don't want the medium they paid for to be totally unusable in a format they desire?

The industry has seen an estimated $2 billion overall decline in CD sales in the last five years. New digital services such as Apple Computer Inc.'s iTunes have made up some of that, but still account for just 6 percent of the industry's global sales.

YAWN! They're still blaming this $2 Billion decline on the internet? That was cute in 1999-2000, but now it's just trite. I know I'm not the first to say it, but listen: There is a new method of exchanging recordings. You can't stop it. Adapt or be forgotten.

This is going to be a huge leap in the interpretation of intellectual property laws in this country. For too long, these record companies have been dependent on stupid teenagers to go out and buy the first CD they saw. Now they don't have to. Hell, they could even record the song from the radio, digitize it to their computer, and put that on a CD and listen to it from now 'till the second coming. Is that illegal? I'm sure the RIAA would say yes.

This sums it up nicely, and I wish the record companies would take note:

"It's an arms race that the content owner can never win," said Yankee Group analyst Michael Goodman. "In order to make it usable, you also have to make it beatable. If you really truly want to lock it down, it is possible to lock it down. But it is so onerous on the user that they'd never want to use it in the first place."

So, why are your sales down, jackass?

Also, enjoy your lawsuit for implementing spyware, jackasses:

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott filed a civil lawsuit on Monday against Sony BMG Music Entertainment for hiding "spyware" software on its compact discs in a bid to thwart music copying.

According to the lawsuit filed in Travis County, several of the company's music compact discs require customers to download Sony's media players if they want to listen to the CDs on a computer.

God Bless Texas!

Labels: RIAA

Posted 11/19/2005 06:28:00 PM by Douglas

More good news about American exports:

Dubai's flagship carrier Emirates is expected to announce a major order worth up to six billion dollars (5.17 billion euros) for Boeing's new long-haul 777 aircraft, industry sources have revealed.

"They will announce a substantial order tomorrow (Sunday)," one source told AFP.

$6 Billion buys a lot of everything!

Posted 11/19/2005 06:21:00 PM by Douglas

China importing American manufactured goods. Yeah, it's rare, but still, a good thing.

China will announce a deal with Boeing for the purchase of 70 of the company's 737 aircraft during US President George W. Bush's visit Sunday, a US government official has revealed.

Hong Kong's South China Morning Post reported Saturday that China was expected to announce the purchase of up to 150 of Boeing's 150-seat 737 jets during Bush's visit, a deal worth up to 6.5 billion US dollars after discounts.

Quoting an unnamed senior aviation source, the report also said the China Aviation Supplies Import and Export Group -- the state aircraft purchasing agency -- would buy up to 400 single-aisle aircraft in the next year.

$Cha-Ching$!

Posted 11/19/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

No comment.

The Boeing Co. warned its employees Friday that personal information of about 161,000 current and former Boeing employees was on a recently stolen company laptop computer.

So far, there's no evidence that any of the information has been used for identity theft, Boeing officials said.

"We're trying to do the right thing here by giving them information to protect themselves," said Boeing spokesman John Dern.

The laptop was stolen from "a non-Boeing site several days ago," according to a statement released by Rick Stephens, Boeing's senior vice president of human resources and administration.

The computer's hard drive contained Social Security numbers and other personal information for 161,000 employees and retirees.

The company said it is investigating the theft along with law enforcement. However, Dern would not say what police agency is conducting the investigation. Neither would he say where or when the theft occurred or if any of Boeing's Puget Sound-area employees were among those whose information was listed in the computer.

Dern said Boeing has no evidence that any of the information -- which included birthdays and banking information in some cases -- has been accessed or misused. No sensitive company information or supplier or customer data was stored on the computer.

"We are taking a number of steps to minimize any potential damage that could result from this violation of our security procedures," Stephens said in the written statement.

Boeing sent e-mails Friday to each of its 153,800 employees, including more than 61,000 Washington employees, announcing the theft. Stephens said the company also is directly notifying every individual whose name or other information was stored on the missing computer.

"We are helping them enroll in fraud alert programs at the three major credit reporting agencies and additionally will pay for their enrollment in ongoing credit monitoring services if they choose to sign up," Stephens said.

"We deeply regret that this happened and we are strongly committed to helping all affected employees avoid any adverse consequences."

Posted 11/19/2005 04:55:00 PM by Douglas

I realize that suing Ford because you're too stupid or careless to control your SUV was the in thing to do for a while, but surely a jury wouldn't award $61 Million because someone died because the driver fell asleep at the wheel, right? Wrong.

A jury has ordered Ford Motor Co. to pay $61 million to the parents of a 17-year-old who died when the Ford Explorer in which he was riding rolled over, a lawyer said on Thursday.

In the Florida case, teenager Lance Hall was a passenger in the Explorer his friend was driving when it flipped over on Alligator Alley between Naples and Miami in 1997.

The jury awarded his mother and father, who are divorced, $61 million in compensatory damages. It did not award punitive damages.

In a statement, Ford expressed its condolences to Hall's family, but said the accident occurred when the driver of the Explorer fell asleep at the wheel.

Why do lawyers as for it? Because juries are dumb enough to give it to them.

Posted 11/17/2005 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

The legacy of the lobotomy is still with us, and will be for many horrible years to come.

He was lobotomized, it turns out, for no other reason than that he didn't get along with his stepmother, whose long list of complaints about him included sullenness, a reluctance to bathe and that he turned on the lights during daytime. Mr. Dully's father signed off on the procedure, without seeming to take much of an interest in it, and the most dramatic moment in the documentary comes when, after 40 years of silence on the subject, Mr. Dully asks him why. "I got manipulated pure and simple," the father says. "I was sold a bill of goods." But he quickly adds that "nobody is perfect" and that in any case he doesn't like to "dwell on negative ideas." "You shaped up pretty good," he says to his son.

This didn't happen in the middle ages, nor was it some bizarre experiment of Joseph Mengele. this was common medical practice, and only 40 years ago.

Posted 11/17/2005 05:07:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting screed by Lileks today about the death of Newspapers.

What threatens newspapers is the medium itself. Its virtues are undeniable – it has dispatches from foreign lands, lost-pet ads, AND it mops up spills. It has ease of use, serendipity, tradition, a reputation assembled over the decades, a mix of high and low. That’s the problem: it’s all things to all people.

How perfect. I guess that's why I feel guilty when I turn down the local paper-boy trying to make a buck. After all, how the hell am I going to light my charcoal with CNN.com?

Posted 11/13/2005 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

It's always been the case that smart people were nerds. That's just the way it is, but something happened in the last 10 years to make ignorance flat out cool.

All of them have noted that such ignorance isn't new -- students have always possessed far less knowledge than they should, or think they have. But in the past, ignorance tended to be a source of shame and motivation. Students were far more likely to be troubled by not-knowing, far more eager to fill such gaps by learning. As one of my reviewers, Stanley Trachtenberg, once said, "It's not that they don't know, it's that they don't care about what they don't know."

This lack of curiosity is especially disturbing because it infects our broader culture. Unfortunately, it seems both inevitable and incurable.

Just because being smart is un-cool, that doesn't make it cool to be an idiot? Does it?

Posted 11/13/2005 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

California wine and the war on terroir.

Posted 11/13/2005 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

Why do public restrooms have the U-shaped toliet seats?

The “U” seat is preferred in public toilets because it is cheaper to produce, install, and clean.

That’s all there is to it: Less surface area makes for less material; less material makes for less Lysol; less Lysol makes for greater savings.

I don't know what the real answer is, but I call bullshit to this one.

Posted 11/13/2005 04:57:00 PM by Douglas

Other than giving deer a 12,000 year head start, I can't imagine why Pennsylvania wouldn't allow hunting with one of these:

An ancient weapon that struck fear in the hearts of Spanish conquistadors, and that some think was used to slay wooly mammoths in Florida, may soon be added to the arsenal of Pennsylvania's hunters.

The state Game Commission is currently drafting proposed regulations to allow hunters to use the atlatl, a small wooden device used to propel a six-foot dart as fast as 80 mph. The commission could vote to legalize its use as early as January.

It's unclear which animals atlatlists may be allowed to hunt, but the proposal is being pushed by people who want to kill deer with a handmade weapon of Stone Age design. The name, usually pronounced AT-lad-ul, is derived from an Aztec word for "throwing board."

"For me, it would be a thrill to have a deer get up close enough and to throw my dart and hit the deer, bag it like my ancestors did," said Jack Rowe, 45, a veteran hunter and atlatl enthusiast from Sayre.

Ah yes, what a thrill. To spear an animal as it "gets up close" and practices its secondary defense mechanism: Standing really still. I think all hunting should be facilitated that way. Really,what's the fun in shooting it (at a feeder, no less) from hundreds of yards away? Get up on it!

Conversely, you have to wonder why people in Pennsylvania want to use prehistoric hunting tools, yet Eskimos in Alaska want to use a .50 caliber rifle for their tribal whale hunts.

Posted 11/11/2005 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Number four.

A volatile incendiary used as a spotting aid for artillery is one thing, but when used on personnel (or even worse, civilians), its bright light and smoke characteristics are kind of overshadowed by its killing people in the most horrible way imaginable characteristics.

And I'm an advocate for nuclear weapons!

Posted 11/10/2005 05:50:00 PM by Douglas

Suck on this, Airbus:

A Boeing Co. jet arrived in London from Hong Kong on Thursday, breaking the record for the longest nonstop flight by a commercial jet. The 777-200LR Worldliner — one of Boeing's newest planes — touched down shortly after 1 p.m. (8 a.m. EST) at London's Heathrow Airport after a journey of more than 13,422 miles. The previous record was set when a Boeing 747-400 flew 10,500 miles from London to Sydney in 1989.

"With the 777-200LR, we are changing the world," he said. "Passengers can fly commercially between just about any two cities nonstop."

The jet spent 22 hours and 43 minutes in the air.

Wow, 23 hours in the air. I'll bet the passengers were really tired of watching whatever Will Smith movie that was playing on a continuous loop.

"With the 777-200LR, we are changing the world," he said. "Passengers can fly commercially between just about any two cities nonstop."

Well, if the circumference of the earth is 24,901 miles, then a journey of 12,450 miles in any straight line will get you to the farthest location from your starting point. That is, until you start getting closer again. So with a 13,422 mile range, the 7³ can literally get you to the other side of the world, and with one tank of kerosene.

"With the 777-200LR, we are changing the world," he said. "Passengers can fly commercially between just about any two cities nonstop."

Boeing said that after leaving Hong Kong, the jet flew across the northern Pacific Ocean before reaching North America, where it flew over Los Angeles, then slightly south of Chicago and over New York before cruising over the Atlantic Ocean to London. Hong Kong-London flights usually fly over Russia.

The world just got a lot smaller. And through the ventures of a private American corporation, not through collusion of socialist European conglomerates.

Posted 11/10/2005 05:30:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, compelling evidence that chemical weapons were being used in Iraq. What are the odds they were being used by Iraqis and not on Iraqis? Not too high.

Powerful new evidence emerged yesterday that the United States dropped massive quantities of white phosphorus on the Iraqi city of Fallujah during the attack on the city in November 2004, killing insurgents and civilians with the appalling burns that are the signature of this weapon.

Ever since the assault, which went unreported by any Western journalists, rumours have swirled that the Americans used chemical weapons on the city.

The website quoted insurgent sources as saying: "The US occupation troops are gassing resistance fighters and confronting them with internationally banned chemical weapons."

My only hope is that the Legacy of the Bush (43) presidency is that he restored dignity to the White House.

Posted 11/10/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Boy, do I have egg on my face, and tin-foil on my head. All this time I thought the AFDB aided in "shielding your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers." Now, as it turns out, MIT has released some data that says the foil actually amplifies frequencies allocated to the U.S. government. Who knew?

Conclusion
The helmets amplify frequency bands that coincide with those allocated to the US government between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz.

So how in the hell are we supposed to keep the government from stealing our thoughts now? Art Bell, where are you?

Posted 11/10/2005 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Read this.

Posted 11/10/2005 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

I'd settle for half that in cash:

My blog is worth $3,387.24.
How much is your blog worth?

Posted 11/09/2005 06:01:00 PM by Douglas

It's a long week, and it's just Wednesday. I'm getting shit on at work, it's now illegal to own a gun in San Francisco, and illegal to be gay and married in Texas. I got nuthin', so I'll leave it at this:

Posted 11/09/2005 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

Ladies, are you worried that your boobs may get too cold this winter? Get yourself one of these.

A leading lingerie company has joined Japan's fight against high fuel use, unveiling a heated bra for winter.

The fluffy creation contains special pads filled with an eco-friendly gel that can be easily heated in a microwave or with a hot water bottle.

I've got a better idea. Instead of nuking your undies, how 'bout any chick with cold boobs finds the nearest XY hominid and ask them to "warm these up!

Posted 11/06/2005 04:11:00 PM by Douglas

Sometimes when the government gives a $538 million deal to a defense contractor for 20 F-16s, it doesn't work out as well as you originally hoped for.

President Hugo Chavez has warned the US he could give some of his country's F-16 fighter jets to Cuba or China.

Mr Chavez accused the US of breaking a contract to supply spare parts for the jets it sold to Venezuela in the 1980s.

He suggested that Washington would be less than pleased if military rivals gained access to the advanced planes.

"Maybe we will just send them back to them, or perhaps we will send 10 planes to Cuba, or to China, so they can have a look at the technology of these aircraft."

Is there anyone in the world that actually wants an F-16 that doesn't already have one? 30 year old aircraft aren't exactly cutting edge these days.

Posted 11/06/2005 03:15:00 PM by Douglas

The forcast calls for a 90% chance of RUN!

Posted 11/06/2005 03:09:00 PM by Douglas

You are

Posted 11/06/2005 03:00:00 PM by Douglas

It's been over three years since I first blogged Mark Steyn's polemic about Muslim immigration in Europe [link dead: here's the article]. Here's his latest piece.

French cynics like the prime minister, Dominique de Villepin, have spent the last two years scoffing at the Bush Doctrine: Why, everyone knows Islam and democracy are incompatible. If so, that's less a problem for Iraq or Afghanistan than for France and Belgium.

In the current issue of City Journal, Theodore Dalrymple concludes a piece on British suicide bombers with this grim summation of the new Europe: ''The sweet dream of universal cultural compatibility has been replaced by the nightmare of permanent conflict.'' Which sounds an awful lot like a new Dark Ages.

Well, does it? I know what he's trying to say, and so far, no one seems to be listening. The civilizations of the West continue to ignore their borders and allow a flood of immigration from the 3rd world; it's the same in America. So why is it that no one care here, either?

Posted 11/05/2005 11:52:00 AM by Douglas

Time for beef at the luau.

Next month will be open season on some cattle when state land officials add stray cattle in the Hilo watershed area to the list of animals to be eradicated in a series of open hunts.

On Nov. 5 the state will begin the hunts on "feral and trespass" cattle found above the city each weekend and state holiday through Nov. 26.

Each licensed hunter will be permitted to kill and remove two cattle per day, with no season limit. Access to the state land will be from Saddle Road, unless the hunter obtains a special permit from the state.

Two cattle per day limit? That's a lot of beef for the cost of the license and one bullet.

Posted 11/05/2005 11:49:00 AM by Douglas

Why does he keep talking?

Q: Hi, Mr. President. Thank you. Did Karl Rove tell you the truth about his role in the CIA leak case? And do you owe the American people an apology for your administration's assertations that Karl Rove and Scooter Libby weren't involved?

THE PRESIDENT: We're going through a very serious investigation. And I will -- have told you before that I'm not going to discuss the investigation until it's completed. And we have got a -- my obligation is to set an agenda, and I've done that. And the agenda is fighting and winning the war on terror, and keeping the economic vitality and growth alive, dealing with the energy problem, nominating people to the Supreme Court that adhere to the philosophy that I can depend on -- Judge Alito being such a person. I noticed today that they've got a date. I'm disappointed in the date, but happy they do have a firm date for his confirmation hearing. We've got to recover from the hurricanes. So I've got a lot to do, and will continue to focus on the people's business.

Is "War on Terrisim" the answer to every single question?

Posted 11/05/2005 11:39:00 AM by Douglas

For some reason, I felt the urge to see how Congress voted in 2002 on the Iraq War Resolution. The internet is an amazing thing, as this search took about seven seconds.

In the Senate, only one republican voted against it, yet 29 Democrasts voted to give Bush a blank check in Iraq. I'll admit I'm a bit naive, but yes, this does surprise me a bit. Especially some of the Democrats that wound up in the 'yea' column.

Biden (D-DE)
Clinton (D-NY)
Daschle (D-SD)
Edwards (D-NC)
Feinstein (D-CA)
Lieberman (D-CT)
Kerry (D-MA)
Reid (D-NV)
Schumer (D-NY)

I can't believe that anyone of these yahoos with a "D" by their names think they have a shot at the Presidency in 2008 if they're supported this disaster. Clinton? Feinstein? Kerry? Isn't that the Democratic triumvirate of Bush haters?

Not much different in the House, but it's great to see that the Honorable Ron Paul was in the "nay" column.

Posted 11/05/2005 11:15:00 AM by Douglas

What do to if you're made fun of on The Daily Show. You can start by stop taking yourself too seriously.

Posted 11/05/2005 10:53:00 AM by Douglas

Fascinating chronological look at baby names. I've always wondered what decade "Thaddeus" fell out of favor.

Posted 11/05/2005 10:45:00 AM by Douglas

It's hard to imagine that some Texans think that the State Legislature is out to destroy the institution of marriage for all Texans, but that's just exactly what some think Proposition 2 is out to do.

Opponents of a proposed amendment to the Texas Constitution banning same-sex marriage said Monday the initiative's poor wording could effectively nullify all marriages.

Proposition 2 on the Nov. 8 ballot states that marriage exists only as a union of one man and one woman.

It then adds that the state or political subdivision of the state "may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Take a look at the language of the bill. Part a of Section 1 is clear enough, but Part b isn't.

This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.

I'll admit I'm no legal scholar, but wouldn't that have been much clearer if there had been an "OF" between the 'any' and the 'legal?' What does Pampa's own, Warren Chisum have to say about his amendment?

Rep. Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, who authored the amendment, called the group's assertion "ludicrous" and said no legal scholar could possibly agree that Proposition 2 could negate traditional marriages.

"It's just crazy," said Chisum, who has long championed measures to block same-sex marriage in Texas. "This is politics at its lowest level here. They're just trying to scare people."

Maybe I'm nuts, but isn't that exactly what legal scholars do? Arguing vaguely written statues to see how they could possibly be interpreted to suit their purposes? Maybe this wouldn't happen if the amendment more clearly written. Should make for an interesting Tuesday, regardless.

Posted 11/03/2005 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

When it comes to pointless and arbitrary milestones, I'm just as sentimental as the next guy. So in honor of my 10,000th hit here at crap-blog, I thought it was about time for the obligatory "about me" post. I think I'll probably add to this, but for now, here's a bit of info about your humble host:

• Chicken wings technically aren't even food.
  
• Relying on your car's bumper to express political, religious, or socioeconomic affiliations merely reveals that you're incredibly shallow or stupid. Sometimes both.
  
• Flu shots don't do a damn thing.
  
• Pancho and Lefty were the same person.
  
• Pluto is definitely not a planet, and probably not even a dog, either.
  
• Paying with a check at the express lane at the grocery store should be punishable by mandatory imprisonment.
  
• I'm philosophically opposed to soccer: It's the "Marxist concept of the labor theory of value applied to sports."
  
• Your co-workers in the office don't give a shit about the funny sit-com you saw on TV last night.
  
• The unstated purpose of television news and weather is to scare the crap out of old people.
  
• That comic strip you read that you think is so poignant is, in fact, trite and poorly drawn.
  
• People that use a gas grill to cook meat shouldn't even bother wasting their time.
  
• Make basketball interesting: Give each team 100 points and only 2 minutes to play.
  
• Blogging is a pointless waste of time typically engaged in by wanna be politicos, overwrought high school girls, or both.
  
• There's no discernable difference between the Democratic and Republican parties.
  
• The only natural state of any system in the universe is decay.
  
• Cheap, domestic beer may taste like piss, but drinking a $9 imported beer makes you look like an asshole.
  
• Great Mexican food is a sign from above that God truly loves us all. Bad Mexican food is a sign you're going to be in the bathroom for a long, long time wishing you hadn't ordered that chimichanga.
  
• Children are our future. So please don't get huffy when I glare at you when the future won't stop kicking the back of my fucking seat in the airplane.
  
• People that are daunted by story problems have no business operating motor vehicles, home appliances, or voting.
  
• The designated hitter rule is ruining the American League.
  
• Doctors spend four years in medical school to empirically tell you something that you already know.
  
• Anyone, male or female, young or old, driving a Mustang, is an asshole.
  
• If God can't create a stone so large that he can't move it, he's a pussy.
  
• The only people that like fried turkey are those that don't really like turkey in the first place.
  
• Stadium-arena concerts are a frustratingly pointless waste of time.
  
• No one in the country has any idea how to use an apostrophe.
  
• College is over. Get on with your life.
  
• There is a fine line between a well manicured lawn and severe alcoholism.
  
• A perfunctory comprehension of compound interest should be mandatory before a bank issues anyone a credit card.
  
• A tax is the way a government punishes you for getting off of welfare.
  
• There's absolutely no difference between hamsters and gerbils.
  
• The diamond industry has convinced us all to pay a 1,000% markup on a tiny piece of carbon that isn't even rare, gemologically speaking.
  
• I just made up the word gemologically.
  
• If you order the $13 fajitas at a Mexican restaurant you're a total idiot.
  
• People married to people that are obviously disproportionately more attractive than they are have no business getting photographs made.
  
• Ranch dressing is vegetable's very own ketchup.
  
• Buffets are a great place to eat if you aren't picky about taste, love huge portions, and don't mind hepatitis.
  
• Chiropractors exist because some people enjoy a weekly back-rub from a guy in a white coat.
  
• Wind-chill factors are made up, arbitrary and totally pointless numbers used by TV weathermen to scare us.

Labels: pointless milestone

Posted 11/02/2005 05:58:00 PM by Douglas

Maybe I missed that memo, but I thought Mormons dismissed polygamy. Apparently not.

A judge will ask the state Supreme Court on Wednesday to let him stay on the bench after a commission that oversees judges ordered him dismissed because he has three wives.

Those pursuing the case against Judge Walter Steed say his plural marriage creates a conflict: After taking an oath to uphold the law, he shouldn't be breaking it.

"You can't have it both ways," said Colin Winchester, the executive director of the state's Judicial Conduct Commission.

Wait a sec. . .judges have to be honest now? I hope that's just in Utah, because that's really going to effect some of the judicial kick-backs that makes this country great if this thing catches on in other parts of the country.

Posted 11/02/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

The classic example of why firearms are needed for protection: What if you hear someone trying to break into your house? Would you rather have a gun to protect yourself, or a phone to dial 911? Why not ask this guy? Oh that's right, because he's dead.

A University of Texas student who called 911 to report that someone was trying to break into his apartment was found fatally wounded, Austin police said.

William Ehrhardt III, 22, was pronounced dead at Brackenridge Hospital Tuesday morning, the Austin American-Statesman reported in its online edition.

Police said Ehrhardt called 911 Monday night and said the burglar had apparently left.

Officers were responding to his call when they received a second 911 call about a possible shooting, police said.

Police believe Ehrhardt was a target because the killer or killers were in his apartment for a few seconds.

Would he be alive right now if he owned a 9mm, knew how to use it, and double tapped his intruder in the chest when he entered his apartment? Who knows. It may (or may not) be an extrapolation to say that a gun would have saved his life, but it's pretty obvious what didn't.

911.

Posted 11/02/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

"As pop culture mimics today's permissive social values, violence and veiled sexual references have crept into the seemingly innocent cartoon landscape. . ."

Damn I hate those fake movie cartoons. There used to be kid movies and adult movies. Now there's a subtle fusion of them both that leaves each party either confused or disappointed. Way to go, Hollywood.

Posted 11/02/2005 05:06:00 PM by Douglas

Since there's nothing else going on in Iraq, the Senate, the Supreme Court, or anywhere else in the world, CNN finally has time to hit the real stories. Like what's in G'dumb's pockets.

President Bush may be burdened with the world's problems, but his pockets are pretty light.

It turns out the leader of the free world doesn't have to worry about carrying all the essentials of the common man.

Bush revealed the contents of his pockets Tuesday to an Argentine newspaper reporter who was interviewing him in advance of a presidential trip to Latin America later this week.

When the reporter from La Nacion asked Bush to show him what he carries, the president stood up, fished in his pockets, then dramatically pulled his hands out holding nothing but a white handkerchief that he waved playfully in the air.

"Es todo," Bush told the Spanish-speaking reporter, meaning the handkerchief was all. "No dinero, no mas. No wallet."

And that got me thinking. What else isn't in his pockets? A list:

• Half a roll of Certz
• A Der Wienerschnitzel coupon for 75¢ off his next chili-dog
• A clue
• A half pack of Lucky's with a book of matches from a titty-bar
• Keys to the presidential Harley
• A scrap of paper with a barely legible phone number along with the name "Tammi." (Tammi, of course with the "i" dotted with a heart)
• A baseball autographed by Sammy Sosa
• Karl Rove's soul
• A warm Gummi Bear
• A horseshoe
• A handful of taffy
• Al Gore's Lock-box
• Jenna's latest arrest record
• Conservatism
• A 'frequent shopper' card that's one punch away from a free limo-sized carwash in Georgetown
• A carrot (he's just really happy to see you)

I should really get out more.

Posted 11/01/2005 07:51:00 PM by Douglas

Leading scoring brothers in hockey? How could anyone touch the Hull Brothers? Bobby, with 672 goals and Brett with 641. Kinda makes the Gretzky brothers look like a sack of crap. But only if you compare them as a set. Which not even a mother would do.

Posted 11/01/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Where the hell does this joker think this money is going to come from?

President Bush announced Tuesday that he would ask Congress for $7.1 billion in emergency funding to prepare the country for a possible flu pandemic.

In a speech at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, Bush said that there had not been an outbreak in the United States or the rest of the world, but stressed that health officials must be ready.

"A pandemic is a lot like a forest fire," Bush said. "If caught early, it might be extinguished with limited damage; if allowed to smolder undetected, it can grow to an inferno that spreads quickly beyond our ability to control it."

Wow. Remember when there was such a thing as a fiscal conservative? Yeah, me neither. But $7.1Billion?!? How many peopled die from the flu in this country every year? 36,000? 64,000? There seams to be a bit of controversy in that number but even at 64K a year, that over $100,000 per death. And not an accidental death caused by some unforeseen hazard like, oh, I don't know, an IED if Fallujah. We're talking about an $100,000 flu shot? Let's just say for shits and giggles that a flu shot costs $10 to produce and distribute. $7.1 Billion is enough to immunize every man, woman and child in the United States, and half of the entire continent of Africa.