Posted 12/31/2005 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

We all know that drunk driving is illegal, but what if you're under the ridiculously low 0.08% BAL? That's legal, right? Not for long.

In an effort to make our roads safer, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, or NHTSA, did some investigating and found that young men between the ages of 18 and 34 were responsible for the vast majority of drunk-driving accidents. But when asked, these young men made a distinction between being drunk and being buzzed.

Although that campaign focuses on the passengers, the new "Buzzed" campaign focuses on the drivers. It uses humorous public-service announcements, which will air on television, to talk about a serious subject.

One shows an extremely drunk young man joining a wedding band for a drum solo, adding the line "It's easy to tell when you've had way too many." It cuts to a young man laughing at the drunken drummer as he downs a drink himself and grabs his car keys. The tag line "But what if you've had just one too many? Buzzed driving IS drunk driving."

Except that it's not. The 0.08% limit was set to establish the point of legal intoxication, which is one of the most hilarious oxymorons ever devised. It's pretty clear that the police can throw you in jail for pretty much any reason they want, but that doesn't mean any charges will be filed. Why? Because no law has been broken. It's just the next step in making 0.00% the arrestable limit, which I predict is about five years away.

Happy New Years, kids!

Posted 12/31/2005 04:14:00 PM by Douglas

Lots of famous people died in 2005, and while that's not really surprising, it's surprising how many I recognize. Absent from the list is character actor Vincent Schiavelli. Who is Vincent Schiavelli? Click here and I bet you instantly recognize him. Better off Dead is one of the best suicide-themed movies of all time to star John Cusack.

Posted 12/31/2005 03:56:00 PM by Douglas

Dumbest quotes of 2005. I can't believe "Heckuvajob Brownie" only made it to #4. But, there was a lot of stupidity this year.

Posted 12/31/2005 03:40:00 PM by Douglas

Dave Barry's year in review, always good for a laugh:

With the horror of Katrina fresh in everyone's mind, a new hurricane, Rita, draws a bead on the Gulf Coast, causing millions of panicky Texans to get into their cars and flee an average distance of 150 feet before they become stuck in a monster traffic jam, where some remain for more than 12 hours. "It was hell," reports one traumatized victim. "The classic rock station played 'Daydream Believer' like 53 freaking times."

Why did Aruba get Greta Van Susteren and Houston got Hurricane Rita? Houston got first choice.

Posted 12/30/2005 04:24:00 PM by Douglas

Do NOT look at this site if you have any interest in keeping your job. Very addictive.

Posted 12/30/2005 11:56:00 AM by Douglas

For a line of credit increase, press one.

U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow warned lawmakers on Thursday that a legally set limit on the government's ability to borrow will be hit in mid-February and urged Congress to raise it quickly.

Failure to do so potentially risks throwing the country into its first default in history, Snow warned in what has become virtually an annual rite as U.S. borrowing needs spiral.

"The administration now projects that the statutory debt limit, currently $8.184 trillion, will be reached in mid-February 2006," Snow said in a letter to 21 members of the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate released by Treasury after financial markets had closed.

Not the first time I've repeated myself around here because hey, it bears repeating. China, I hope you're listening and are ready to whip out the checkbook.

Labels: debt ceiling

Posted 12/30/2005 11:39:00 AM by Douglas

Sounds like a good idea to me.

"Those who believe we lack initiative will be happy to learn that, from now on, we go at the drop of a hat," Griffin said. "Whatever experiments are on board when the engines start, those are the ones we do. Astronauts will be permanently quartered in the ready room, and will be notified when they hear the countdown start at, say, 20. It's part of NASA's exciting new..." The rest of Griffin's announcement was inaudible in the overwhelming sound of the Shuttle Discovery, whose crew decided to launch during his speech.

What could possibly go wrong?

Posted 12/30/2005 11:33:00 AM by Douglas

Sounds like December 28^th is a great day to end your Christmas vacation.

BRACE yourselves for festive fireworks today, folks — because December 29 is the top time for ARGUMENTS.

Families cooped up together over the holidays are more likely to have rows on the 29th than any other day, say researchers.

Psychologist Paula Hall warned: “Christmas is a very tense time for couples.

“Most make it through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even Boxing Day for the sake of children and the in-laws. But by the 29th tensions have often reached boiling point.”

Calling it a "row" somehow makes is sound better than it is, don't it?

Posted 12/30/2005 11:12:00 AM by Douglas

Shopping around for Jesus

Like Emily, a number of Christians are regularly attending different churches in the course of a week or a month, picking and choosing among programs and services, to satisfy social and spiritual needs. They are comfortable participating in multiple churches.

The practice is particularly pronounced among young people, sociologists of religion say. Everyone in a family may attend one church for a service on Sunday, but the children then go their own way to youth groups, for example.

Some critics, particularly conservative evangelicals and the ministers of various denominations, decry such practices as a consumerist approach to faith.

A look around any of the "suburban mega-churches" will reveal that the message in the church has become very consumer oriented. As the great Homer once said:

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

I can't really argue with that, but there's something to be said for teenagers picking their own theology. How many high school students could justify this statement:

"Every time I went to church," she continued, "I felt God loved me, that I don't have to worry about sin because he forgives me. So I looked forward to going back. I don't really understand all of it. But I have the passion to learn more."

Christian's path to salvation has been somewhat personal since Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door, but there's something to be said for an established doctrines, as opposed to telling teenagers what they want to hear. I find this part distasteful, to say the least:

The youth pastor, Brent Parsley, entered on a sleigh dressed as a hip-hop Santa. "I'm going to break it down for you, Clarence," Mr. Parsley told an actor in the Christmas play. "Christmas ain't about presents, yo! The true meaning of Christmas is my main man: J.C."

The crowd shrieked.

I don't think the path towards salvation is shepherded by a "hip-hop Santa."

Posted 12/29/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

On the front-lines of the drug war.

In the space of a few hours on Dec. 21, 2003, Janet Lee landed in a Philadelphia jail cell, where she would remain for three weeks, held on $500,000 bail and facing 20 years in prison on drug charges.

That naivete, she said, began when screeners at Philadelphia International Airport inspecting her checked luggage found three condoms filled with white powder. Lee laughed and told city police they were filled with flour. It was just part of a phallic gag at a women's college, she told them, a stress-reliever, something to squeeze while studying for exams.

The police didn't find it funny. They told her a field test showed that the powder contained opium and cocaine.

A lab test later proved the substance was flour - and no one now disputes that Lee is innocent, including the prosecutor.

But the government doesn't make mistakes, does it? Especially when it comes to throwing people in jail.

Posted 12/29/2005 04:59:00 PM by Douglas

Watch out for falling bridges.

Forty-five years of corrosive road salt draining onto one side of an overpass and a history of trucks hitting its underside likely caused a 53-foot-long, 60-ton concrete beam to come crashing onto Interstate 70 in Washington County Tuesday evening.

"We believe it was a combination of age, wear and tear in the structure, a history of being hit by trucks and, very recently, another hit" that took its toll, said Gary Hoffman, a career civil engineer and No. 2 in the PennDOT hierarchy. "The bridge slopes toward the beam and the effect of road salt is one thing we'll be looking at in a forensic analysis."

Maybe it's the engineer in me that wants to play jail-house lawyer here, but how could a structure be deemed structurally deficient and still remain in service?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being excellent condition, the Lake View Drive overpass received a score of 4, a rating that means the bridge was "structurally deficient," Mr. Hoffman said. Still, the overpass was judged structurally capable of carrying 40-ton trucks, the maximum legal load in Pennsylvania. The overpass is lightly traveled, mostly by locals.

Seems like PennDOT needs to revamp their 1 to 10 scale if a '4' is going to collapse under its own weight.

The concrete beams in the overpass were designed to last 40 to 50 years and are nearing the end of their expected life, according to the Pre-stressed Concrete Association of Pennsylvania.

Design life? 40-50 years. Age? 45 years. So how could something that inspectors deemed 'structurally deficient' collapse under its own weight? That's a real head-scratcher, isn't it.

"That does not mean the bridge is no longer useful. It simply means you need to pay more attention to it," said Hank Bonstedt, executive director of the Allentown, Pa.-based association.

Apparently you should pay more attention to it as it falls on your car.

Posted 12/29/2005 04:39:00 PM by Douglas

I wonder if there are going to be any good post-Festivus sales on aluminum poles, or should I just buy one now? I've really missed out on a lot, not being a Seinfeld fan.

Posted 12/22/2005 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

Shiny side out.

Britain is about to become the first country in the world to record the movements of all vehicles on the roads. A new national surveillance system will hold the records for at least two years.

Using a network of cameras that can automatically read every passing number plate, the plan is to build a huge database of vehicle movements so that the police and security services can analyse any journey a driver has made over several years.

The network will incorporate thousands of existing CCTV cameras which are being converted to read number plates automatically night and day to provide 24/7 coverage of all motorways and main roads, as well as towns, cities, ports and petrol-station forecourts.

Matter of time, really.

Posted 12/22/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Bah, Humbug.

The thing must be done annually and afresh. Partly this is because the whole business becomes more vile and insufferable—and in new and worse ways—every 12 months. It also starts to kick in earlier each year: It was at Thanksgiving this year that, making my way through an airport, I was confronted by the leering and antlered visage of what to my disordered senses appeared to be a bloody great moose. Only as reason regained her throne did I realize that the reindeer—that plague species—were back.

Christopher Hitchens is nuts, and sounds like he's getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year.

Posted 12/22/2005 05:03:00 PM by Douglas

My greatest fears have been proven! The Baptists were right!

It's true, dancing does lead to sex

The finding lends support to the idea that dancing is a way to show off high quality genes and good health - both indicators of a top quality mate.

In a study published yesterday in the journal Nature, William Brown, of Rutgers University in New Jersey, looked at how dancing ability correlated with a person's body symmetry, a typical measure of the quality of a mate in evolutionary biology.

Professor Brown found that symmetrical men were evaluated as significantly better dancers than asymmetric ones. Likewise, men preferred the dances of symmetrical women, although this effect was not as marked, suggesting women are more choosy in selecting mates.

Boy, who could put a hole in that bulletproof logic. Yeah, it's the dancing, and not the $1 kamikazes and the fact that the act is usually engaged in by horny 19 year olds.

Posted 12/21/2005 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Something about this line that cracked me up.

You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we droppin' Hamiltons

Posted 12/20/2005 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

These people in Kansas need to calm down. How could a fetus on a Christmas tree possibly be considered offensive?

A Christmas tree that a pregnancy counseling organization provided to a women's fitness center prompted three people to cancel their memberships because the tree is decorated with plastic figures meant to represent fetuses.

The tree had about a dozen blue and pink stockings, each stuffed with a plastic figure and attached card that labeled the dolls as being "between 11 and 12 weeks old."

Ok, maybe that's in poor taste. But it's not like the fetuses (feti?) were carrying rifles, were they?

Posted 12/20/2005 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

Something about the fabled alcohol abuse of tortured writers made me pause in the bleat today. "The Tragic Writer's choice of weapons" should be a brand name of whiskey, I think.

Fitzgerald never talked about the dark three o-clock in the afternoon of the soul, which is odd, since he’s from these parts. There’s probably a tour built around his old haunts, including permanent spray paint around an irregular spot where he threw up a gutload of Hamm’s. (He was a beer drunk towards the end in his LA days, which is somehow less glamorously self-destructive than whiskey, the Tragic Writer’s choice of weapon, or Vodka, “For When Flavor Somehow Gets In the Way.”)

Nothing says "tortured writer" like drinking your weight in cheap bourbon.

By the way, don't bother reading the rest of the column. It ends with a silly, prosaic dialog where he justifies the government's absolute authority to wiretap anyone's phone line, so long as it's not his.

Posted 12/18/2005 09:28:00 PM by Douglas

Bush on TV tonight. Maybe it's just me, but he looked scared. Maybe he's on TV because he's tired about hearing (from his staff) that he works in a bubble. Who knows. I found this kind of interesting from tonight's speech:

The terrorists do not merely object to American actions in Iraq and elsewhere -- they object to our deepest values and our way of life. And if we were not fighting them in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in Southeast Asia and in other places, the terrorists would not be peaceful citizens -- they would be on the offense, and headed our way.

So, they still hate us for our freedom? That's soooo 2002. This part was pretty amazing, too:

But much of the intelligence turned out to be wrong. And as your president, I am responsible for the decision to go into Iraq.

Yet it was right to remove Saddam Hussein from power.

Funny how he can (finally) admit he's wrong, yet in the same breath, say he was wrong for the right reasons. Hey it's a step.

Also, for those of you keeping score at home, this speech contained four WMDs, yet only one September 11^ths. That's what I call improvement!

Posted 12/18/2005 06:57:00 PM by Douglas

The coolest speed bump in the world.

Depending on the weight of the vehicle passing overhead, between five and 50kW can be generated.

The prototype was created and tested at Hughes Research unit at the Westland Helicopter base in Somerset, at a cost of £1m.

I wonder if it would power my garage door opener if I put it in my driveway?

Posted 12/18/2005 06:49:00 PM by Douglas

Please don't eat me when you grow up:

A lion cub caresses a domestic cat as another lion rests in a private house in Kharkov, about 450 km (279.4 miles) northeast of Kiev December 15, 2005. The three-month-old lions live in the house of Tatyana Efremova who also keeps a number of other exotic animals.

Posted 12/18/2005 06:16:00 PM by Douglas

The United States Army, in the 21^st century, hard at work to be as politically correct as possible in Iraq.

We are now required by our Brigade (a decision made much higher than my commander’s sphere of influence) to carry a “rape whistle” at all times. It is my understanding that the original intent was to give them to the females on post, but it was eventually decided that if the ladies have to carry them then the dudes must also.

I must admit that I am unconvinced of the effectiveness of this new order. On the off chance that I’m marked as a target for rape or assault I very much doubt that I would need a measly whistle to get the attention of others. I’m willing to bet that the sound of the first ten rounds I put through the guy with my rifle will peak the interest of anyone nearby. If a high powered sniper rifle doesn’t do the trick then I’m skeptical that the rape whistle will. Likewise, every soldier on this base is required to carry a firearm with them at all times. I guess that in case our assorted guns, knives and grenades don’t do the trick then the whistle is a nice last resort.

I'm sure this decision makes sense to someone in command. Forget the whistle. Rapist? Meet Mr. Beretta. Mr. Beretta? Double-tap Mr. Rapist, once in the chest and once in the face.

Posted 12/17/2005 01:31:00 PM by Douglas

"Conspiracy theories: The sophistication of the ignorant." [via]

The simplistic worldview of conspiracy thinking helps fuel suspicion and mistrust toward the domain of politics. It displaces a critical engagement with public life with a destructive search for the hidden agenda. It distracts from the clarification of genuine differences and helps turn public life into a theater where what matters are the private lives and personal interests of mistrusted politicians. A constant search for the story behind the story distracts us from really listening to each other and seeing the world as it really is.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that the whole world isn't out to get you.

Posted 12/17/2005 01:23:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting review of I Am Charlotte Simmons and its cynical yet eerily prophetic view on today's college students.

Where, in a former age, the impressionable young student might have aspired to religious salvation or genuine wisdom, today’s typical college student lives more for entertainment, sensation, and release, all the while demanding and largely getting immediate gratification.

. . .

I Am Charlotte Simmons is an indictment of the primary centers of higher education in America today. These institutions do not well serve the real longings and earnest ambitions of the young people who flock to them, at great cost and with great expectations, year after year. Instead of pointing students to a world that is higher than where they came from, the university reinforces and expands the nihilism and political correctness that they are taught in public schools, imbibe from popular culture, and bring with them as routine common sense when they arrive on campus.

If Wolfe’s description of Dupont accurately portrays the character of our elite universities, then the dissolution of the American way of life is nearly complete.

Kids these days. Is this generation, a product of its environment which was largely created by baby-boomers, any worse off than any other previous generation of young adults floundering to find themselves? Look around.

Posted 12/17/2005 01:16:00 PM by Douglas

Reality TV programs making people look like morons aren't unique to this country.

Three contestants have spoken of their disbelief after being fooled into thinking they went into space for the UK reality show Space Cadets.

The three believed they had blasted off from a cosmonaut training camp in Russia, but were in fact in a fake spaceship in a warehouse in Suffolk.

"Aw man," said Paul. "We're not astronauts. We're just asses."

I've got an idea for a reality show. Announce there's going to be an audition for a new reality show, then club everyone that shows up with a ball peen hammer.

Posted 12/17/2005 01:01:00 PM by Douglas

Your colon and you. Maybe high fiber diet isn't as important as we once thought.

A new study appears to debunk a longstanding notion that a diet high in fibre shields against colorectal cancer.

In a report set to be published Wednesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association, evidence suggests there is actually no relationship between fibre and lower colon cancer rates.

The international study followed 725,628 men and women for between six and 20 years. Over the course of the study, 8081 cases of colorectal cancer were identified.

Researchers found virtually no difference in colon cancer rates between those who ate an average of 15 grams of fibre per day and those who ate almost double, up to 28 grams per day.

Makes ya wonder. I still think this is hillarious.

Posted 12/17/2005 12:52:00 PM by Douglas

The RIAA continues their steady march towards obsolescence, this time in Amarillo.

The recording industry's battle against music downloading entered a new front Thursday after six industry giants filed a copyright infringement suit against an Amarillo man, court records show.

Anyone downloading music files, no matter how many, could be targeted by record companies, he said.

Don't they have anything better to do besides prosecuting people individually? Before too long, they'll be going after radio stations for distributing music. Or even word of mouth.

Labels: RIAA

Posted 12/17/2005 12:43:00 PM by Douglas

I'm going to have to give the next pineapple I see in the grocery store a little more respect.

In his “Essay Concerning Human Understanding”, John Locke asserts the impossibility of knowing the taste of pineapple before you have actually tasted it. This is not just a throwaway remark; he returns to the point in several drafts and in several places. In 1671, Locke wrote that the man who has never had pineapple, that “delicate” fruit, “in his mouth” cannot have a true or “new” idea of it. He can only have an amalgam of “old” ideas based on the descriptions of travellers. Later, he wrote that “we see nobody gets the relish of a pineapple, till he goes to the Indies, where it is, and tastes it”. To think that you could relish a pineapple without really experiencing it was like imagining you could see colours in the dark.

. . .

Fran Beauman’s conclusion is that, while pineapples have lost their seventeenth-century exoticism and their eighteenth-century majesty, they actually taste better now than ever before. It is impossible to read this scintillating monograph without feeling what luck it is to be alive in a time when both the form and taste of pineapple are neither as inaccessible nor as unimaginable as they were for John Locke.

I don't think most people realize that the lives of the average American are substantially better than the crowned heads of Europe only 200 years ago.

Posted 12/16/2005 05:38:00 PM by Douglas

Are wristwatches going to disappear? Probably, but not among anyone that cares about watches.

OF the eight twentysomethings chatting at a table at Luby's, half don't wear watches.

"I can get the time from my cell phone," was the main reason cited by the watchless.

To wear or not to wear is a generational thing, several said.

"My mom and dad wear watches. They're not as big into technology," said Crystal Elliers, 23, a Loyola University, New Orleans, law school student.

Maybe that's a bad example, but Luby's? twentysomethings? Why the hell would a twentysomething at Luby's need a watch? Ok, let's take a step back. Why the hell would a twentysomething be at Luby's? All good questions. But does the omnipresence of the "time" mean an end to the wristwatch?

The fine-watch market — products selling for $50 and up — generated $4.3 billion in 2004, according to LGI Network, a leading retail measurement service for the watch and jewelry industry. Over the first 10 months of this year, sales for the bulk of the fine-watch business — $150 to $10,000 watches — are up 7 percent in dollars and 1.8 percent in units sold, compared with the first 10 months of 2004, according to LGI. The average price for a man's fine watch is $839 in that same category, compared with $628 for a woman's watch.

"The high-end watch market is pretty strong," said Andrew Talbert, LGI's chief operating officer.

A "fine" watch is one that costs more than $50? Holy crap, do I have some "fine" watches! But back to the story, who is going to take up the slack of the slumping watch sales?

"For every guy that's stopped wearing a watch, there's a guy taking up diving and getting a diver's watch," he said.

So for everyone that gets the time from a cell phone and stops wearing a watch, a guy takes up diving? That's what the watch business is hitching their cart to? Ouch. But there's something indescribable about a watch, right? Something watch people understand that they could never convince others of. Right?

"A watch is worn next to the skin, and for most people the same watch is worn every day," she noted. "Only a wedding band can compete in terms of intimacy and permanence."

"The circular nature of a watch — the hands going around — and their meaning — marking time — are universally appealing," she said. Many watches offer their owners the chance "to enjoy a thing of beauty by simply glancing at their wrist."

"I constantly notice people feeling their watches while they're talking or admiring each other's watches, particularly men. What else do men have to play with like that?"

Um, I'm a guy that loves wristwatches, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and answer that last question with something that may or may not be inherently obvious: their balls?

Still, I can't understand why I have the uncontrollable urge to buy one of these. Shit, I don't even speak German.

Posted 12/12/2005 05:22:00 PM by Douglas

Is there something magical about a musician dying when they're 27? This list would seem to imply that there is.

• Robert Johnson
• Hank Williams
• Otis Redding
• Brian Jones
• Jimi Hendrix
• Janis Joplin
• Jim Morrison
• Kurt Cobain

If you're a musician and you live past 27, it can only mean one thing: you suck.

Posted 12/12/2005 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Approaching the four month milestone when Katrina claimed New Orleans, and TNYT has an op-ed today that bears repeating.

At this moment the reconstruction is a rudderless ship. There is no effective leadership that we can identify. How many people could even name the president's liaison for the reconstruction effort, Donald Powell? Lawmakers need to understand that for New Orleans the words "pending in Congress" are a death warrant requiring no signature.

Waiting for "the government" to take care of this problem is going to be about as effective as it was at the end of August, when everyone in the world saw that storm coming straight for New Orleans, and anyone with half a brain knew the city was already under sea-level. As much as the TNYT op-ed board wants to bash President Bush, this isn't a question of spending too much money in Iraq, or what they deem as inappropriate tax-cuts. Lord knows what that $32 Billion includes, but everyone knows it has to be more than bigger levees and bigger pumps. All the money in the world isn't going to miraculously cause water to flow uphill in New Orleans.

Maybe America does not want to rebuild New Orleans. Maybe we have decided that the deficits are too large and the money too scarce, and that it is better just to look the other way until the city withers and disappears.

A quick question for TNYT. How many of you would give up your loft on the upper west side to live in a hurricane prone city that sits below sea level? Does that make sense to anyone? I can wax poetic about my drunken pub-crawls on Bourbon Street just like the next guy, but at the end of the day, someone has to make their home their. They have to invest their hard earned money to start (or continue) a business there. New Orleans may be the most quaint and historic place in the country, but for god's sake, it's sinking! Who in their right mind would go back after such a cataclysmic event, especially when the next hurricane season is just seven months away? How could anyone think that it could possibly be a safe and conducive place to live or work?

New Orleans and all of coastal Louisiana has been dying for over 75 years from poor land management brought on by the last great flood of the Mississippi. Katrina just knocked over the last pin, and no amount of government money is going to undo a century of erosion to make New Orleans habitable to anyone in their right mind. There's plenty of land available on Matagorda Bay if the government wants to start rebuilding cities leveled by hurricanes.

Posted 12/11/2005 03:10:00 PM by Douglas

The most sickening example of the "no-knock warrant" to date would have to be the case of Cory Maye, which has got The Agitator's attention lately.
Pretty disturbing, and not just from the lack of coverage he's getting in the media. Here's the original press release, but Radley summarized the aftermath:

So let's re-sum what we know so far: Police broke down Maye's door at sometime after 11:30pm at night. He was alone with his daughter. He was not a drug suspect, nor were police authorized by the warrant to enter his home. Maye had no prior criminal record. And police said at the time that no drugs were found in his apartment, though they later say they found "traces" of marijuana and cocaine.

Tragic, yet fascinating story, and Radley's on it like a duck on a junebug. Honestly, I'm surprised there's not more of this. Drug dealer or not, I figure that if anyone's door gets knocked in in the middle of the night, protecting yourself would be anyone's first response. Which is what I find particularly disturbing about this idiotic program on A&E. I know he's not a cop, but he presents himself as some kind of law enforcement officer, yet he looks like a total thug. I can't believe he hasn't been shot based on his appearance alone.

Posted 12/11/2005 02:50:00 PM by Douglas

Apparently the Pope doesn't think that knocking down old ladies and fighting over sale items is a good way to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

"In today's consumer society, this time (of the year) is unfortunately subjected to a sort of commercial 'pollution' that is in danger of altering its true spirit, which is characterized by meditation, sobriety and by a joy that is not exterior but intimate," the Pope said in his traditional Sunday blessing.

Sadly, I can't do any better than the Fark tag:

Pope denounces materialism from balcony of marble, gold-domed building in midst of jewel-encrusted religious icons while wearing giant gold cross

Ha!

Posted 12/11/2005 02:48:00 PM by Douglas

Pepper sprayed, handcuffed, and thrown in jail for 11 days. The crime? Jaywalking. This is stupid.

Posted 12/11/2005 02:44:00 PM by Douglas

Here's one for the tin-foil hat brigade. Why do we need to implant tracking devices on people when everyone is already voluntarily carrying one?

In recent years, law enforcement officials have turned to cellular technology as a tool for easily and secretly monitoring the movements of suspects as they occur. But this kind of surveillance - which investigators have been able to conduct with easily obtained court orders - has now come under tougher legal scrutiny.

In the last four months, three federal judges have denied prosecutors the right to get cellphone tracking information from wireless companies without first showing "probable cause" to believe that a crime has been or is being committed. That is the same standard applied to requests for search warrants.

Not really surprising that the information is available, but pretty scary in how readily available the information is to those that might misuse it. But the police don't make mistakes, do they?

Posted 12/11/2005 02:07:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, a place where Star Wars nerds and Wikipedia junkies can come together as one.

Posted 12/11/2005 01:56:00 PM by Douglas

Two interesting if not contradictory stories in the Chronicle yesterday. First up, are the people of Texas gifted out from hurricane generosity?

In other years — that is, years without the massive pledge campaigns by national charities to help with the killer hurricanes, tsunamis and earthquakes that made 2005 so remarkable — office groups, churches or community organizations always brought truckloads of toys to the local mission without having to be asked.

Tabor estimated last week that Star of Hope had received only about a third of the gifts it had taken in by this time last year.

Compounding the problem in Houston, which has always done well in terms of giving, is the impact of hurricanes Katrina and Rita on the area.

"Houston may be hit harder," Miniutti said, because there is "less money to go around."

Makes sense, right? There's a finite amount people can donate, and I would only assume that Katrina and Rita has milked all the money it can from people in this region, especially from those that would generally donate nothing.

But contrast the empty Christmas funds with the swelling coffers from local taxing entities:

The Gulf Coast hurricanes sparked a spending spree as Texans and evacuees from other states opened their wallets to restock and rebuild.

That buying in October provided an economic boost to the state and most Texas cities, with Beaumont and other hard-hit areas seeing some of the biggest increases in sales tax revenue.

State sales tax collections for that month were up 9.4 percent overall compared with the same period a year earlier, the State Comptroller's office reported Friday.

Houston, where the sales tax rate is 8.25 percent, received $32 million in tax revenue, 20 percent higher than the payment it got in December 2004.

Sorry New Orleans, your loss is our gain!

So are these two stories going to intersect somewhere? Is this serendipitous tax windfall going to find its way to becoming a charitable contribution, or is the state going to blow it? Why am I so damn cynical?

Posted 12/10/2005 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

I can't help but think that there's lots more to this story than they're telling us:

"It was, like, totally not in the classroom," the high school junior said, recalling the infraction. "We were in the, like, hall or whatever, on restroom break. This kid I know, he's like, 'Me prestas un dolar?' ['Will you lend me a dollar?'] Well, he asked in Spanish; it just seemed natural to answer that way. So I'm like, 'No problema.' "

But that conversation turned out to be a big problem for the staff at the Endeavor Alternative School, a small public high school in an ethnically mixed blue-collar neighborhood. A teacher who overheard the two boys sent Zach to the office, where Principal Jennifer Watts ordered him to call his father and leave the school.

If speaking another language isn't against the school's policy, then he didn't get suspended for speaking Spanish. There's got to be more to this on besides "no problema."

Posted 12/10/2005 05:21:00 PM by Douglas

One of my worst fears. As if the federal government doesn't already have enough power, they now want to harness the winds?

After a brutal year of hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and droughts, lawmakers are looking for ways to beat Mother Nature.

And while it's still a bit of a long shot, Uncle Sam could be called in to sponsor research to find ways to blast dangerous storms out of the sky or put rain clouds over parched land.

In a bill introduced this year by Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, R-Texas, a new board of scientists would be able to dole out federal research money for weather modification, which she said is important, especially considering this year's record-breaking hurricane season.

Wow. What an apt description from Fox News. . . a Texas Republican "doling out federal research money for weather modification. . ."

Kind of makes you want to vote. . . uh, which one's fiscally conservative? Oh yeah. . . Neither.

Posted 12/09/2005 05:26:00 PM by Douglas

Apologies in advance, but it's list time. First up, the 100 most unexpected TV Moments. An interesting mix here of stuff that I've actually seen and stuff I've never even heard of.

Second, here's a list of words that need to die. There are some good ones here that really need to go. "Body wash?" I'd have to agree. . . I don't know how that differs from soap, and if I ever here the -izzle lingo anymore, someone is going to get kicked in the balls. Also, I couldn't agree more with the assertion that "blog" sounds like something that would get stuck in your toilet.

Posted 12/09/2005 05:15:00 PM by Douglas

MicroSoft's answer to google maps. Pretty scary, really. With the bird's eye view setting, I can see the stripes on my neighbor's car.

Posted 12/09/2005 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

I must admit, the "war on Christmas" has definitely taken a ceasefire over at FoxNews. The latest affront was O'Reilly's attack on Jon Stewart for The Daily Show's year-old piece. But before that was FoxNew's own secularization of the season by selling "holiday" ornaments for your supposed "holiday" tree. The larger question there is why would anyone in their right mind want to see the logo of a media outlet on their "holiday" tree, but that's a question for another day.

But probably most disturbing of all is what's going on in some churches. Turns out, this year Christmas falls on a Sunday. So are the non-denominational suburban "mega-churches" taking advantage of one of the holiest days in the Christian calendar to tend to their flocks? Nope. Most of them are taking the day off.

Some of the nation's most prominent megachurches have decided not to hold worship services on the Sunday that coincides with Christmas Day, a move that is generating controversy among evangelical Christians at a time when many conservative groups are battling to "put the Christ back in Christmas."

Megachurch leaders say that the decision is in keeping with their innovative and "family friendly" approach and that they are compensating in other ways. Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Ill., always a pacesetter among megachurches, is handing out a DVD it produced for the occasion that features a heartwarming contemporary Christmas tale.

Yeah, why waste time sitting in the pew listening to some preachy guy when you could be home watching TV.

"I see this in many ways as a capitulation to narcissism, the self-centered, me-first, I'm going to put me and my immediate family first agenda of the larger culture," said Ben Witherington III, professor of New Testament interpretation at Asbury Theological Seminary in Wilmore, Ky. "If Christianity is an evangelistic religion, then what kind of message is this sending to the larger culture - that worship is an optional extra?"

Obviously, Mr. Witherington III has attended a few services in these churches.

I wonder where O'Reilly will chose to be sanctimonious on Christmas morning?

Posted 12/08/2005 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

Why is it that I always seem to get stuck in the plane in front of the screaming kid that can only find solace in kicking the back of my seat? Why can't I ever get on this flight?

Two Playboy playmates found themselves in trouble after apparently getting drunk and unruly on a Frontier Airlines flight out of Denver International Airport last weekend.

CBS4 learned the playmates were arrested when the plane landed in San Antonio, Texas Sunday after the flight from Denver landed. They were apparently so drunk on the plane that they were deemed a danger to themselves and others.

The playmates were Danielle Gamba, 23, and Carrie Minter, 22. Both were taken to jail in San Antonio for more than 5 hours after being arrested.

"There was some yelling and cussing," David Hebert, a spokesman for the San Antonio airport said. "They were charged with public intoxication."

Minter was apparently on her way from Denver to San Antonio for a lingerie show. Gamba, who said she loves to travel, is a former Oakland Raiders Cheerleader.

"At one point he said one of the women made sexual advances toward both the primary officer and the officer who was there for backup," Hebert said.

Dear Penthouse Forum:
I never thought I'd be writing this letter but last December it happened. I'm a pilot for a large national carrier, and one day. . . .

Seriously, are there four sweeter words in the English language besides "Playboy Playmate" and "public intoxication?" Because I can't think of what they are right now.

Posted 12/08/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

Rest in Peace, Robert.

Posted 12/07/2005 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

It's time for Holiday family fun. So why on earth would you need ten reasons to drink?

• You can tolerate your in-laws
• Beer goggles -- who said the holidays have to be lonely?
• Why eat your calories when you can drink them?
• You give the best gift...alcohol
• New Year's resolutions seem attainable when you're drunk
• You love everyone...and everyone loves you
• Be the funny guy at the party
• Drinking in winter means staying warm...or at least feeling like you are
• You bring spirit to the occasion, literally
• The holidays go by much quicker

That's sorta an un-msnbc story, but I like it. Besides, it's not Christmas-time unless someone is crying.

Posted 12/06/2005 05:41:00 PM by Douglas

And let's not forget about this guy. He's almost there!

Posted 12/06/2005 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

I really think I need to clean up the old blog roll to your left (my right), but in the meantime, I'm going to add some stuff that I recently re-discovered that I find particularly intriguing. Also, I had to delete some stuff that hadn't been updated since February, and some other stuff that just stopped. And when I remember to forward the URL of el odyssey del Davíd y Mel to my home email, it'll go up, too.

Posted 12/06/2005 05:14:00 PM by Douglas

Yet another reason I see about one movie every two years.[other than the fact that most new movies suck]

Moviegoers should get used to those ads shown as they settle into their seats.

Ad forecasters at ZenithOptimedia said on Monday that spending on in-theater ads, usually shown before the trailers, rose by 18% this year to $400 million — and likely will go up by about 15% each year through 2008.

Driving growth is digital projection that makes it easy to change ads or target ads to different audiences, says Tim Jones, CEO of ZenithOptimedia's U.S. operations. "That's directly attributable to the medium becoming more digital. It gives advertisers more options and affordability from a production standpoint."

I've never apologized for being vulgar here before, but fuck that. Paying $10 for a movie to see more commercials? What on earth for?

Posted 12/06/2005 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Then answer me this: Why the fuck did my school taxes go up? For the third year in a row?!?

Texas is the only state in the nation that reduced education spending during the 2004-05 school year, according to a report released Monday by the National Education Association.

They take what they want, and if that's not enough, they take your property. Seems fair, no?

Posted 12/05/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

I can understand how you might end up with a few bruises if you fail to comply to police instructions, but should there be some kind of discretion as to what force is deemed reasonable and applicable by the police if you don't? Would 240 pound man with a tire-iron receive the same reaction from one deputy as an 110 pound woman with a cell-phone would receive from two deputies? Apparently not. The video is pretty sickening. [via]

"It's really quite a mystery as to why he tased her," said attorney Ralph L. Tambasco, who claims the 40-year-old professional photographer had been cooperating and was in the grip of a second officer when Deputy Greg Lockhart pressed the Taser to her arm outside a Fishers convenience store in November 2003.

Speaking to your attorney before the state puts a needle in your arm is resisting? Wow. But it gets even weirder:

Carter stands by Lockhart, a four-year road deputy who became the subject of an internal investigation last week after a friend was found dead in the deputy's home in Cicero.

Cicero police suspect 24-year-old Zack Russell died as he slept in Lockhart's living room after an evening of drinking.

Carter initiated his probe to verify what happened and whether Lockhart's off-duty conduct violated any agency rule.

As for his on-duty conduct with Marshall, Carter can only find fault with Lockhart's use of the phrase "Taser time," saying it was "inappropriate and probably should not be used" in the future.

So forcing a seemingly compliant woman to the ground with electrodes is OK because she wants to speak to her attorney, but using the phrase "taser time" crosses the line?

Posted 12/04/2005 02:02:00 PM by Douglas

Dog Police.

New recruits to the Northumbria Police force are German shepherds Sammy, five, and three-year-old Zara.

They have been trained to help during armed sieges and wear miniature television cameras with transmitters fitted to their heads or harnesses.

It's good to see that I'm not the only one that remembers this MTV throwback, but it's a bit disappointing that I can't find it on the internets anywhere. I'd love to see that video again.

Posted 12/03/2005 04:38:00 PM by Douglas

If, for any reason you find yourself in need for a replacement side mirror for your car, you could do a lot worse than these guys.

Don't ask.

Posted 12/03/2005 04:36:00 PM by Douglas

I sure hope the writers at Law & Order are reading this little nugget of sunshine:

First, at the age of 19, he was shot nine times and left for dead in a 1984 robbery in San Antonio. A companion of Moreno was shot to death during the robbery.

Then, Moreno says, he was pressured by police into identifying the wrong man after repeatedly saying it wasn't him.

That man, Ruben Cantu, was executed based on Moreno's testimony in a 1985 trial.

Now Bexar County District Attorney Susan Reed says if her investigation supports Moreno's contention that the wrong man was executed, she may file charges against him.

For perjury? No. The three-year statute of limitations ran out a long time ago.

For the murder of Ruben Cantu.

I think Susan Reed may be watching too much Law & Order. How the hell could he be guilty of murder if it was the State and all its due process that was ultimately responsible for his death?

"A man has been executed because of that lie. That is pretty serious stuff. There are consequences for that."

Certainly, and that's why when the state has the authority to take a life, they'd better be damn sure before they do. The prosecutor in Cantu's case should have been damn sure before he asked the original jury to hand down a capital murder charge on the shaky testimony of an illegal alien.

If it turns out he is guilty of perjury, then that's all he's guilty of. Because every judge, prosecutor, and jury along Cantu's appeals process are just as guilty. I think about as middle of the road as you can get when it comes to capital punishment, but this is a pretty compelling argument why you should never give someone as incompetent as a state government the ability to legally put people to death.

Posted 12/01/2005 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

"Plus it's a drinkathon." I could have guessed that much. I guess that's why I'm so disappointed that I haven't been.

It is not just that men like shooting things. Many of them also like fiddling with big gadgets. And the Punkin Chunkin shows what can be achieved when hundreds of mechanically adept minds focus on one utterly pointless objective. The hydraulics on those air cannons must be just so, as must the springs on the catapults. The machines' names must be either macho (eg, "Second Amendment") or crude (eg, "Chunkin Up"). Distances must be measured with a hand-held GPS system that gives readings to the nearest hundredth of a foot.

Guns, GPS, thermodynamics, binge drinking, utterly pointless objectives. . . If there's a reason I'm not involved with this, I can't think of it.

Posted 12/01/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Interesting, if not totally fabricated way to tell if someone is lying. So looking to the right means the response is constructed, and looking to the left means it's being remembered? I don't know if it's true, but it would certainly be easy enough to keep from looking to the right when you're making up stuff?

Posted 12/01/2005 05:12:00 PM by Douglas

Everyone wants to eat, yet no one wants to cook. Especially women.

Yes, these young women can make sense of elaborate spreadsheets, quote Shakespeare, and tone discrete muscle groups--all at the same multitasking moment. But put poultry in front of them and panic sets in. To achieve the fabled charm of a Thanksgiving dinner--and of course there is a lot more to worry about than just the turkey--you have to be a confident, if not experienced, cook. And cooking is the one thing that mothers don't bother teach their daughters anymore.

There's probably lots of reasons for that, none of which I could possibly expound upon, so I'll leave it at this: you learn to cook when you get hungry, and those that are too dumb to improvise are destined for burgers every day. But is this really a solution?

The rise of celebrity chefs has made learning to cook a television event. Shows like Rachel Ray's "30-Minute Meals" are accessible, relaxing and informative.

Informative? Anyone that finds Ray informative is deaf, retarded, or both. The only thing I've ever learned from her show is how to tediously sit through 30 minutes of cooking without slapping the shit out of someone that desperately needs it.

Posted 12/01/2005 05:00:00 PM by Douglas

Perhaps I'm a bit biased, but without life-sciences, even in low-earth orbit, it's just a man in a can going in a really big circle.

The International Space Station (ISS) has a limited crew (two or three instead of seven), and shuttle flights (of which NASA may only be able to afford eight) are arbitrarily scheduled to end at the end of this decade to meet the recommendations of the Columbia Accident Investigation Board. Some hope for a complete ISS soon after that, but doubts remain. Remember that ISS is an international project, billed to serve as a science laboratory for non-U.S. users. Russia helped build it and is using it. The European Space Agency and Japan have produced major components of the station, on the promise that they will get to work there. But important modules such as the Centrifuge Accommodation Module constructed by the Japanese will not be launched. The international space science community is dismayed at the bait-and-switch appearance of the situation.

Not good for JSC.

Posted 11/29/2005 05:51:00 PM by Douglas

I don't know whether I'm way too smart or way too dumb to understand what's wrong with this steaming pile of crap, but I smell a big one. "Retroactive Insurance?!?" What word doesn't belong in that sentence?

As Congress considers long-term proposals to spur recovery in hurricane-ravaged areas, a rift has emerged between Democrats and Republicans over legislation to provide some hurricane victims with retroactive coverage under the federal flood insurance program.

The proposal would apply to property owners who suffered hurricane flood damage this year but did not have flood insurance policies because their property was not located in federally designated flood areas that are subject to mandatory purchase requirements. To be eligible, those property owners would have to have purchased other types of hazard insurance before Hurricane Katrina struck.

A hand-out is a hand-out, so why sugar coat it? But to totally disguisie it as a 'retroactive policy' is not only criminal, but an insult to all the policy paying members of Katrina's wake that are still waiting for an adjuster. What about those dumb sumbitches that paid for their policies before the disaster hit? Are they going to get a break? Prolly not. But it gets better:

"These were people who were outside the floodplain," said Watt, whose amendment failed on a 34-32 vote after more than an hour of contentious debate. "There wasn't any reason for these people to buy flood insurance."

There wasn't a reason? What's he smoking? I live 13 feet above sea level along Clear Creek, yet mysteriously out of the flood plain. During Rita, the expected storm surge was 26 feet if she made a direct hit on Galveston Bay. I don't live in the flood plain, either, but I have flood insurance for a reason. Mainly, because I live 13 feet above sea level on Clear Creek, I have a perfunctory knowledge of basic arthritic (26-13), and I don't own a john boat.
There has to be a point where welfare and insurance diverge.

Posted 11/29/2005 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

As usual, I'm just jealous of that interminable Aggie pride. Apparently, acting like a horse's ass, literally, is part of their 'rich heritage of tradition.'

A sophomore member of Texas A&M University's Parsons Mounted Cavalry was charged Friday with throwing horse feces onto members of the University of Texas band before the A&M-UT football game.

John Richmond Sullivan, 20, was seen by a University Police Department lieutenant throwing a shovel full of horse feces onto band members at Kyle Field at about 10 a.m. Friday, according to an officer's affidavit.

It had to be a "shovel full" of dung? You can't just throw horse feces on a band member. . . you gotta use a shovel? What a pussy. It takes a big man, preferably a member of the nation's only collegiate military cavalry unit, to throw horse shit on these guys:

Posted 11/29/2005 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

Why is it that I think that 2007 is already here.

The Federal Communications Commission voted 3-1 Monday to require electronics manufacturers to make all television sets ADHD-compatible within two years.

"In the media-saturated climate of the modern age, few have the time and energy to sit still for an entire episode of King Of Queens," Martin said. "Although the FCC will leave it up to the television networks to make the necessary programming changes, we are recommending, in accordance with the ADHDTV standard, that all shows be no more than six minutes in length, and that they contain jarring and unpredictable camera cuts to shiny props and detailed background sets."

"We're also advising that intra-episode recaps occur every 45 seconds," he added.

As usual, The Onion would be much funnier if it weren't so damn realistic, and in this case, probable.

Posted 11/28/2005 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

Another case of Texas vs. Wal-mart. This one is pretty ugly.

Family members of a Texas shoplifting suspect who suffocated during a struggle with Wal-Mart store employees are suing the retail giant.

The death of Stacy Clay Driver, of Cleveland, Texas, was ruled a homicide by the Harris County Medical Examiner's Office. It was caused primarily by asphyxia from compression to the neck and chest.

Medical examiners said hyperthermia with methamphetamine toxicity were the secondary causes.

Driver's family is seeking unspecified damages against Bentonville, Ark.-based Wal-Mart. The family said the retailer should demonstrate that loss-prevention employees, who work to spot thefts, meet training standards.

A good way to strengthen your wrongful death suit against Wal-Mart? Don't steal stuff from them when you're tweaked out on meth.

Posted 11/28/2005 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

One down, 533 to go.

Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham said Monday he is resigning from Congress after pleading guilty to taking more than $2 million in bribes in a criminal conspiracy involving at least three defense contractors.

After entering his plea in San Diego, California, the eight-term California Republican said he was "deeply sorry."

"The truth is I broke the law, concealed my conduct and disgraced my office," he told reporters, his voice strained with emotion. "I know I will forfeit my reputation, my worldly possessions -- most importantly the trust of my friends and family."

Just how sorry are you? How 'bout a $2.9 million donation to your favourite charity? That'd convince me.

And yes, it's only 533, since The Honorable Ron Paul is still on of the good guys.

Posted 11/27/2005 03:03:00 PM by Douglas

Just in time for Christmas, now you too can relive George W. Bush's triumphant march into Baghdad. Wasn't that almost three years ago? I forget.

The Iraq war has spawned playing cards (remember Saddam as ace of spades?), countless books and even a TV series. Now it has its own board game. An Oregon company, Jiggi Games, has released Battle to Baghdad: The Fight for Freedom. The game is set in March 2003, with U.S. forces racing across the desert. "You will take out airports, night bomb cities, hunt down Saddam Hussein, and take over Baghdad," say the instructions. The goal is to conquer Baghdad without running out of soldiers while drawing cards like "Car bomber ... You lose 200 troops" or "Air drop ... You gain 300 troops." One card shows a female soldier holding a naked detainee on a leash and reads, "Disgrace: Some soldiers are found guilty of unlawful treatment and inhumane acts of violence toward Iraqi prisoners. You lose 100 troops!"

Lovely. You know, for the kids!

And it's only $30! Why not get two?!? Also here.

Posted 11/27/2005 01:51:00 PM by Douglas

At least I'm historical:


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Posted 11/27/2005 01:25:00 PM by Douglas

UNT goes high-tech with fingerprint recognition for campus food stores.

University of North Texas students will soon have a new way to pay for their meals on campus and at some places off campus — their fingerprints.

Sodexho, which manages the Union Food Court in the student union, has joined with iMye, a technology company, to install electronic finger-scanning payment devices at 14 food vendors on campus and 11 merchants off campus.

Is this really cool or really scary? A bit of both, I guess. Your fingerprint is much more secure than a magnetic strip on the back of a plastic card, but isn't it a bit unsettling to use your fingertip to get a box of Ding-Dongs? And what's up with this:

Sharma said the accounts are similar to bank accounts. Instead of using cash, credit or checks to pay for their meals, students place their finger on the scanner and type in an identification number to get to their money.

What the hell do you need a PIN for if you're using your finger for identification? PINs are useful for card transactions in the even that someone else tries to use your card. Is there really a concern with someone else trying to use your finger to buy food?

Posted 11/27/2005 01:17:00 PM by Douglas

A hero from Katrina acting somewhat less heroically:

A man hailed by some as a hero for commandeering a school bus the day after Hurricane Katrina to take 60 stranded residents to safety in Houston has been arrested on drug charges where his bus journey began: the Fischer public housing complex.

Jabar Gibson, 20, who garnered a movie deal and national attention as the renegade bus driver, was booked Friday with possession with intent to distribute heroin after police stopped his rental car for allegedly driving erratically, New Orleans police said.

Gibson and another man, Gary Burnett, were traveling near the public housing complex about 12:30 p.m. when they veered slightly and nearly struck the police cruiser of officers Michael Pierce and Cory McKain, Pierce said.

At least there are some things getting back to normal in New Orleans.

Posted 11/27/2005 01:13:00 PM by Douglas

Sadly, the most disgusting part of this story isn't that he has his taint pierced.

DEPECHE MODE star DAVE GAHAN was forced to remove the 'geish' piercing between his testicles and his anus when one of his kids quizzed him about the ring that dangled there.

"I knew it was time to get rid of it when one of my kids noticed it and was like, 'Why do you have an earring in your a**?'"

These are all good questions, but the first one that came to my mind was what in the hell are you doing that would give your kid an opportunity to visually witness your taint piercing?

Posted 11/27/2005 01:03:00 PM by Douglas

Statue of the Virgin Mary is crying in California. Why? Probably because of something you did.

Carrying rosary beads and cameras, the faithful have been coming in a steady stream to a church on the outskirts of Sacramento for a glimpse of what some are calling a miracle: A statue of the Virgin Mary they say has begun crying a substance that looks like blood.

It was first noticed more than a week ago, when a priest at the Vietnamese Catholic Martyrs Church spotted a stain on the statue's face and wiped it away. Before Mass on Nov. 20, people again noticed a reddish substance near the eyes of the white concrete statue outside the small church, said Ky Truong, 56, a parishioner.

Since then, Truong said he has been at the church day and night, so emotional he can't even work. He believes the tears are a sign.

"There's a big event in the future — earthquake, flood, a disease," Truong said. "We're very sad."

Why does it always have to signify something bad? She could have just come from a wedding or something.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

After a wildly successful run of making an insane mark-up on a $3.00 piece of skirt stake and charging gringos $15.99 for fajitas, it looks as though cabrito is soon to make its move on the gringo palate.

Goat meat imports to the U.S. jumped about 140% over a seven-year period ending in 2003. Now some California farmers see gold in goat. They are expanding their herds, hoping to cash in on consumers' broadening tastes.

"As goat producers, we are standing in one of the most enviable positions of any agriculture industry in the United States," said Marvin Shurley, president of the American Meat Goat Assn. in Sonora, Texas. "High demand for our products and livestock prices are unmatched within the history of our industry."

Some 40% of the goat meat consumed in the U.S. is imported from Australia and New Zealand. The remainder is produced by farmers with herds ranging from 15 to 8,000 animals.

But are the goats slaughtered in accordance to god's wishes? You don't want your dead goat to anger the lord.

Each animal is slaughtered according to Islamic halal rules that require the recitation of God's name before the animal is killed. After that, the animal is hung by a hind leg to allow the blood to drain from the body. At one point, the slaughterhouse worked with a rabbi to produce a line of kosher lamb.

Just make sure they're not slaughtered as part of a ritual sacrifice. At least not in a State Lab.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:39:00 PM by Douglas

Two words I never would have expected to see in the same news story: SWAT and Mexia, Texas

Sgt. Scott Neal, 31, was shot by a fellow officer as Mexia ISD and Mexia police went through SWAT training exercises in an abandoned fire department next to Mexia's city hall shortly after noon, said Matt Cawthon, a Texas Ranger who was among those that responded to the shooting.

“Team leaders, commanders and instructors are to check and double check (weapons used in training exercises), but somehow that one didn't get checked,” Cawthon said. “There's no sense in it. It's just tragic.”

Other things with no sense in it? Why the hell does Mexia ISD, much less the entire city of Mexia participate in SWAT training? Are they afraid Anna Nichole is going to come back and get rowdy at Jim's Crispy Fried Chicken?

What a pointlessly ridiculous waste of life. Anna Nichole, too.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:34:00 PM by Douglas

I don't really see much of a market for this product, but I have had some farts that I thought should be preserved for future generations.

Posted 11/26/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Black Friday is over, and it looks as if Wal-Mart is happy. And if Wal-Mart ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right?

Wal-Mart Stores Inc.'s deep discounting and expanded hours on the first day of the holiday shopping season, appeared to have paid off, the world's largest retailer said Saturday.

Wal-Mart said it expects to post a solid 4.3 percent gain in same-store sales for November, helped by better-than expected sales during the post-Thanksgiving day shopping rush. That's at the midpoint of its growth forecast of 3 to 5 percent. The sales results cover the four-week period through Friday.

What you may have missed if you slept in yesterday.

Orlando:

An Orlando television station reports that security guards wrestled a man to the ground Friday morning after he cut in line to get a laptop computer that was on sale.

The television station reported that the man argued with other customers and then fought with the guards.

One man told reporters that the laptops were being thrown into the air and people rushed toward them.

Michigan:

A woman was stepped on by several people after she fell when dozens of shoppers rushed into a Grand Rapids area Wal-Mart store around 5 o'clock this morning.

When the rush ended, the woman and a 13-year-old girl suffered minor injuries.

In nearby Grandville, two shoppers were hurt when they slipped on a wet floor as they entered a Wal-Mart. Officials say one of the injured was after a bargain notebook computer. Neither was hurt seriously.

Florida:

A woman at a Pembroke Pines Wal-Mart was also injured and required hospital treatment when she was pushed to the ground by another shopper, according to fire officials.

And of course, Texas:

Early morning shoppers at Beaumont’s Wal-Mart say they were pepper sprayed by an off-duty police officer working security as a large crowd gathered in the electronics department of the store.

“There were some people trying to break thru the crowds because they were throwing up, and couldn't breathe,” said one shopper, Andrenette Davis, “It was pretty bad.”

People, is a crappy $378 HP laptop worth your dignity, or even worse, getting trampled and pepper sprayed? What's the odds of you actually getting one of these computers, anyway?

Calls made to several Wal-Marts around the country revealed that one of the hottest items on the holiday sale list, a $378 Hewlett-Packard laptop, sold out within the first hour the stores were open.

"They trampled each other for 'em," said one Wal-Mart employee at a Maryland store. "It was great."

Someone make a line-up of Maryland Wal-Mart employees so this fucker can be shot. Immediately. But to continue. . .

Four Wal-Marts contacted by CNNMoney.com said they received limited supplies of the HP laptop, ranging from 15 at a store in Michigan to about 65 at the Maryland location.

Fifteen computers. The flagship loss-leader of the whole sale, and there's 15 of them? Why the hell do people continue to spend money in this hell-hole, any time of year? Why do I continue to spend money in this hell hole?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, indeed.

Posted 11/26/2005 03:15:00 PM by Douglas

Who knew the Germans had such a self-esteem problem?

A multimillion-dollar campaign to boost Germans' low self-confidence has backfired after it emerged that its slogan was coined by the Nazis.

The $34 million "Du Bist Deutschland -- You Are Germany" -- campaign was devised to inspire Germans to stop moaning and do something good for their country.

Not being the biggest fan of their collaborative work in the 20th century, I'm not sure what to think about this. And what are they so down about? Couldn't they just invade France or something? That always seemed to cheer them up in the past.

Posted 11/26/2005 03:07:00 PM by Douglas

Brownie's greatest hits. Who could forget this classic?

Shortly after 7 a.m. on the morning of the storm, a FEMA public affairs official sent Brown an e-mail complimenting him on the outfit he wore during a national television briefing. In response to the e-mail, whose subject was “Re: New Orleans update,” Brown said, “I got it at Nordstroms,” then added, “Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?”

You sure can, Brownie.

Posted 11/26/2005 02:50:00 PM by Douglas

What do you do when history has proved you are too incompetent for a kooshy, appointed government job? Start your own consulting firm, of course:

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, heavily criticized for his agency's slow response to Hurricane Katrina, is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm to help clients avoid the sort of errors that cost him his job.

In the aftermath of the hurricane, critics complained about Brown's lack of formal emergency management experience and e-mails that later surfaced showed him as out of touch with the extent of the devastation.

This may be the best place for him. He can now related to others how his "getting fired" experience taught him how he should have done his job. After all, what did the man do besides get fired?

Well, there's this compelling exchange of emails.

_Bahamonde to Nicole Andrews, FEMA spokeswoman, Aug. 30, 7:02 a.m.
"What is happening with the US travel this morning. When is he coming to New Orleans. The area around the Superdome is filling up with water, now waist deep. The US can land and do a presser but then have to leave, there will be no ground tour, only flyover," referring to planned visit by Brown.

_Bahamonde to FEMA Director Michael Brown, Aug. 31, 11:20 a.m.
"Sir, I know that you know the situation is past critical. Here some things you might not know.
Hotels are kicking people out, thousands gathering in the streets with no food or water. Hundreds still being rescued from homes.
The dying patients at the DMAT tent being medivac. Estimates are many will die within hours. Evacuation in process. Plans developing for dome evacuation but hotel situation adding to problem. We are out of food and running out of water at the dome, plans in works to address the critical need.

_Sharon Worthy, Brown's press secretary, to Cindy Taylor, FEMA deputy director of public affairs, and others, Aug. 31, 2 p.m.
"Also, it is very important that time is allowed for Mr. Brown to eat dinner. Gievn (sic) that Baton Rouge is back to normal, restaurants are getting busy. He needs much more that (sic) 20 or 30 minutes. We now have traffic to encounter to get to and from a location of his choise (sic), followed by wait service from the restaurant staff, eating, etc.

_Bahamonde to Taylor and Michael Widomski, public affairs, Aug. 31, 2:44 p.m.
"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! No won't go any further, too easy of a target. Just tell her that I just ate an MRE and crapped in the hallway of the Superdome along with 30,000 other close friends so I understand her concern about busy restaurants. Maybe tonight I will have time to move my pebbles on the parking garage floor so they don't stab me in the back while I try to sleep.

Wow. Their incompetence still amazes me. It would kind of be interesting, from the perspective of morbid curiosity, who in their right mind would actually hire this idiot as a private consultant.

Posted 11/26/2005 02:46:00 PM by Douglas

Here's another thing Brownie could focus on with his new consulting firm: Misleading testimony.

In his Sept. 27 testimony to the House panel that also is investigating the government's response, Brown had said that he sent a dozen FEMA staffers, including a medical team, to New Orleans before Katrina struck. He said Bahamonde was designated as his liaison to New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin.

Not true, Bahamonde said Thursday. "I was the only one" Brown sent to New Orleans before the hurricane, Bahamonde said. He added, "I was not sent there to be a liaison with anyone."

Brown testified that Bahamonde had sent him a "fairly routine kind of e-mail" on Monday, Aug. 29, describing the "general conditions" at the Superdome. Bahamonde also communicated later that day, Brown testified, that the shelter "had plenty of food" to feed those thronging there.

Not so, Bahamonde said Thursday. "Nothing I did was routine as I tried to express in the best way I could the urgency and need for medical teams before the hurricane hit because there was already a critical situation developing there on Sunday."

He never told Brown, he said, that food supplies were adequate.

Who ya gonna believe? Brownie, or his subordinate that was actually there? Not to mention he had over 12 years of FEMA experience. Yet oddly, no experience with Arabian horses.

Posted 11/23/2005 05:53:00 PM by Douglas

This can't be good news for the shuttle program:

U.S. President George Bush has signed a bill passed by the U.S. Congress ending restrictions on NASA's use of Russian Soyuz spacecraft for flights to the International Space Station, the White House said Wednesday. The document allows the United States to pay Russian organizations for work conducted on or services provided for the ISS. The bill, which amends the Iran Nonproliferation Act of 2000, allows NASA to cooperate with Russia on the ISS, including the possibility of using Soyuz craft to ferry American astronauts to the station.

The act linked NASA-Russia cooperation on the ISS to the observance by Russia of the ban to deliver certain weapons and technologies to Iran.

Less launches from Florida, more launches from Iran. That can't be a bad thing, can it?

Posted 11/22/2005 05:40:00 PM by Douglas

What a great story:

Crystal Butts doesn't mind taking orders from her boss.

Ok, I know this sounds like some kind of porn strike, but it's not. It's your typical case of phone-book mistaken identity. But it sounds fun, don't it?

Butts said her family is a victim of immovable corporate bureaucracy, with the SBC Yellow Pages erroneously listing her home number as that of My Thai Restaurant - and not changing it after 18 months of asking.

"It gets pretty bad," she said. "I've been called stupid because people want me to answer questions I can't answer because I'm not the My Thai."

Butts and her family got the phone number when they moved to Amarillo in July 2004. As soon as their phone was installed, they started getting phone calls, she said.

"And we've called and called both phone books, and they said they would take care of it," Butts said. "Well, when the new phone books came out, it wasn't changed.

For the last time, people. Butts isn't My Thai. Any questions?

But(t) seriously, would this have made the news if her name wasn't Butts? I think not.

Posted 11/22/2005 05:25:00 PM by Douglas

Is there any topic Texans hate more than School Tax Reform? I don't think so. So when The Texas Supreme Court today declared the school finance system unconstitutional, that would cause most taxpayers to stand up and take note, right? Probably not:

The Texas Supreme Court today struck down a key part of the state's public school funding system and gave the Legislature until June 1 to correct the problem.

The ruling, which partly upholds and partly reverses a state district court decision issued last year, means Gov. Rick Perry will have to call still another special session of the Legislature to tackle the problem.

The high court held 7-1 that the $1.50 per $100 valuation cap on local school maintenance taxes amounts to an unconstitutional statewide property tax because many school districts are at or near the limit.

Hold on. . . .I kinda got lost on that last part. Why is it that because "many school districts are at or near the limit" does the law become "unconstitutional?" Sounds like school districts are spending faster than they're growing, and much faster than their tax base is growing. So why is it suddenly "unconstitutional" that they're out of money? Does that somehow give them the right to extort more money from the proletariat they so saccharinely claim to educate?

Or am I just pissed off because I've got a tax bill due?

Posted 11/22/2005 05:09:00 PM by Douglas

The valiant men and women of the Houston Police Department, in a state of perpetual vigilance, have apprehended spider man.

The man known as the French "Spiderman" was foiled in his attempt to scale a downtown high-rise just moments after he dashed by police officers and leaped onto the side of One Houston Center on the 1200 block of McKinney.

"Had we been three or four seconds late, he'd have been history" on his way up the building, said Sgt. K. Perkins of the Houston Police Department special operations unit. "He's an excellent climber. He moves so swiftly."

Thankfully, I can get some sleep this weekend. Who knows what would happen if Spiderman was loose on the town in Houston on Thanksgiving weekend and got his abdomen full of fried turkey?!?

Bedlam! Pure Bedlam!

Posted 11/22/2005 05:04:00 PM by Douglas

RIP Lt. Col. "Mini" Mott.

Michael Irvine Mott, vice president and general manager of NASA systems for the Boeing Co. in Houston and a former Marine Corps aviator, has died of cancer. He was 56.

Because of his slight stature, Mott earned the call sign "Mini" while flying for the Marine Corps, a nickname that stuck even as he retired in 1991 as a lieutenant colonel after 20 years.

However, his associates thought of Mott as an enthusiastic executive and military officer who was eager to rally colleagues to find solutions to difficult problems.

Posted 11/22/2005 05:02:00 PM by Douglas

Suck on this, vegans.

Contaminated fruits and vegetables are causing more food-borne illness among Americans than raw chicken or eggs, consumer advocates said a in [sic]report released on Monday.

Now, eat a burger and shut your fucking pie hole.

Posted 11/21/2005 05:29:00 PM by Douglas

Until this weekend, I had never heard of the Bricklin, nor can I possibly imagine, at 13 MPG, this was even a good idea in 1974. But what strikes me as odd is what Wiki thinks a rotary engine is. Isn't that a radial engine? And I always thought a Wankel engine was a rotary engine.

So what's the difference?

Posted 11/21/2005 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

The home computer has been the thorn in the side of record company executives and the RIAA for the past decade, and after countless attempts to reign in the piracy of CD and/or file sharing, how does Sony react? Like a total moron.

The fact that so-called digital rights management might always be a doomed experiment became painfully clear with the fiasco that erupted after Sony BMG Music Entertainment added a technology known as XCP to more than 50 popular CDs.

After it was discovered that XCP opened gaping security holes in users' computers — as did the method Sony BMG offered for removing XCP — Sony BMG was forced to recall the discs this week. Some 4.7 million had been made and 2.1 million sold.

Here's the deal, guys. You sell buggy whips. Those little $13.99 to $15.99 plastic disks with holes in the middle have proved to be a complete rip-off, not only because they only contain 10 songs (when 20 will generally easily fit) but because two thirds of the CD is complete and utter dreck pumped out by the label as filler. Instead of attacking the problem, why not try something that's already 100% within your control: The cause:

Phil Leigh, analyst for Inside Digital Media, said the debacle shows just how reluctant the labels are to change their business model to reflect the distribution powers — good and bad — of the Internet. He believes that rather than adopting technological methods to try to stop unauthorized copying of music, record companies need to do more to remove the incentive for piracy.

Well, Phil, you can't unring the bell. The internet has shown us how easy it is to share files, and even without the net, it's so much easier to extract the "good" songs from a CD and dump the rest. Then it can again be "shared" many times. I think it's a stretch to say these are lost sales, because these people aren't going to buy the CD for one decent song anyway. But where did Sony go wrong this time?:

"The biggest mistake the labels are making is, they're letting their lawyers make technical decisions. Lawyers don't have any better understanding of technology than a cow does algebra," Leigh said. "They insist on chasing this white whale."

When all you've got is a hammer, pretty soon, everything starts looking like a nail. If everyone in the country is guilty of violating the spirit, if not the letter of the law, then why not go after my grandma because I made her a copy of my Glen Miller CD? She's just as guilty, right? Why not throw her in jail? But he continues:

It's easy to understand why the music industry wishes songs could magically be prevented from being ripped from CDs and shared freely.

Why is that easy to understand? If I buy a CD, want to listen to it on my computer (or MP3 player) why should I have to jump through any hoops? I paid for it, right? I own that copy, and I haven't made any duplicates. Where's the crime? The record companies don't understand why their customers don't want the medium they paid for to be totally unusable in a format they desire?

The industry has seen an estimated $2 billion overall decline in CD sales in the last five years. New digital services such as Apple Computer Inc.'s iTunes have made up some of that, but still account for just 6 percent of the industry's global sales.

YAWN! They're still blaming this $2 Billion decline on the internet? That was cute in 1999-2000, but now it's just trite. I know I'm not the first to say it, but listen: There is a new method of exchanging recordings. You can't stop it. Adapt or be forgotten.

This is going to be a huge leap in the interpretation of intellectual property laws in this country. For too long, these record companies have been dependent on stupid teenagers to go out and buy the first CD they saw. Now they don't have to. Hell, they could even record the song from the radio, digitize it to their computer, and put that on a CD and listen to it from now 'till the second coming. Is that illegal? I'm sure the RIAA would say yes.

This sums it up nicely, and I wish the record companies would take note:

"It's an arms race that the content owner can never win," said Yankee Group analyst Michael Goodman. "In order to make it usable, you also have to make it beatable. If you really truly want to lock it down, it is possible to lock it down. But it is so onerous on the user that they'd never want to use it in the first place."

So, why are your sales down, jackass?

Also, enjoy your lawsuit for implementing spyware, jackasses:

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott filed a civil lawsuit on Monday against Sony BMG Music Entertainment for hiding "spyware" software on its compact discs in a bid to thwart music copying.

According to the lawsuit filed in Travis County, several of the company's music compact discs require customers to download Sony's media players if they want to listen to the CDs on a computer.

God Bless Texas!

Labels: RIAA

Posted 11/19/2005 06:28:00 PM by Douglas

More good news about American exports:

Dubai's flagship carrier Emirates is expected to announce a major order worth up to six billion dollars (5.17 billion euros) for Boeing's new long-haul 777 aircraft, industry sources have revealed.

"They will announce a substantial order tomorrow (Sunday)," one source told AFP.

$6 Billion buys a lot of everything!

Posted 11/19/2005 06:21:00 PM by Douglas

China importing American manufactured goods. Yeah, it's rare, but still, a good thing.

China will announce a deal with Boeing for the purchase of 70 of the company's 737 aircraft during US President George W. Bush's visit Sunday, a US government official has revealed.

Hong Kong's South China Morning Post reported Saturday that China was expected to announce the purchase of up to 150 of Boeing's 150-seat 737 jets during Bush's visit, a deal worth up to 6.5 billion US dollars after discounts.

Quoting an unnamed senior aviation source, the report also said the China Aviation Supplies Import and Export Group -- the state aircraft purchasing agency -- would buy up to 400 single-aisle aircraft in the next year.

$Cha-Ching$!

Posted 11/19/2005 05:33:00 PM by Douglas

No comment.

The Boeing Co. warned its employees Friday that personal information of about 161,000 current and former Boeing employees was on a recently stolen company laptop computer.

So far, there's no evidence that any of the information has been used for identity theft, Boeing officials said.

"We're trying to do the right thing here by giving them information to protect themselves," said Boeing spokesman John Dern.

The laptop was stolen from "a non-Boeing site several days ago," according to a statement released by Rick Stephens, Boeing's senior vice president of human resources and administration.

The computer's hard drive contained Social Security numbers and other personal information for 161,000 employees and retirees.

The company said it is investigating the theft along with law enforcement. However, Dern would not say what police agency is conducting the investigation. Neither would he say where or when the theft occurred or if any of Boeing's Puget Sound-area employees were among those whose information was listed in the computer.

Dern said Boeing has no evidence that any of the information -- which included birthdays and banking information in some cases -- has been accessed or misused. No sensitive company information or supplier or customer data was stored on the computer.

"We are taking a number of steps to minimize any potential damage that could result from this violation of our security procedures," Stephens said in the written statement.

Boeing sent e-mails Friday to each of its 153,800 employees, including more than 61,000 Washington employees, announcing the theft. Stephens said the company also is directly notifying every individual whose name or other information was stored on the missing computer.

"We are helping them enroll in fraud alert programs at the three major credit reporting agencies and additionally will pay for their enrollment in ongoing credit monitoring services if they choose to sign up," Stephens said.

"We deeply regret that this happened and we are strongly committed to helping all affected employees avoid any adverse consequences."

Posted 11/19/2005 04:55:00 PM by Douglas

I realize that suing Ford because you're too stupid or careless to control your SUV was the in thing to do for a while, but surely a jury wouldn't award $61 Million because someone died because the driver fell asleep at the wheel, right? Wrong.

A jury has ordered Ford Motor Co. to pay $61 million to the parents of a 17-year-old who died when the Ford Explorer in which he was riding rolled over, a lawyer said on Thursday.

In the Florida case, teenager Lance Hall was a passenger in the Explorer his friend was driving when it flipped over on Alligator Alley between Naples and Miami in 1997.

The jury awarded his mother and father, who are divorced, $61 million in compensatory damages. It did not award punitive damages.

In a statement, Ford expressed its condolences to Hall's family, but said the accident occurred when the driver of the Explorer fell asleep at the wheel.

Why do lawyers as for it? Because juries are dumb enough to give it to them.

Posted 11/17/2005 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

The legacy of the lobotomy is still with us, and will be for many horrible years to come.

He was lobotomized, it turns out, for no other reason than that he didn't get along with his stepmother, whose long list of complaints about him included sullenness, a reluctance to bathe and that he turned on the lights during daytime. Mr. Dully's father signed off on the procedure, without seeming to take much of an interest in it, and the most dramatic moment in the documentary comes when, after 40 years of silence on the subject, Mr. Dully asks him why. "I got manipulated pure and simple," the father says. "I was sold a bill of goods." But he quickly adds that "nobody is perfect" and that in any case he doesn't like to "dwell on negative ideas." "You shaped up pretty good," he says to his son.

This didn't happen in the middle ages, nor was it some bizarre experiment of Joseph Mengele. this was common medical practice, and only 40 years ago.