Posted 6/30/2007 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

I'm not going to comment on Paris Hilton, either. Oh wait!

A US newscaster refused to lead her program with a story about Paris Hilton, arguing she was fed up with media attention given to the controversial Hollywood socialite.

Mika Brzezinski tore her script to pieces on the air and then put another one through a shredder Friday morning when she was asked by her editors on MSNBC cable channel to lead the newscast with an item about Hilton.

"Listen, I just don't believe in covering that story, especially not as the lead story in a newscast when you have a day like today," Brzezinski said on the air.

Ha! Pretty funny:

Posted 6/30/2007 04:57:00 PM by Douglas

Finally, closure to the question we all wanted to know: They weren't flight-rated NASA diapers.

Her attorney wants to get something straight — former astronaut Lisa Nowak did not wear diapers to avoid bathroom breaks as she drove some 960 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront her romantic rival in February.

Instead the diapers found in her car that night were sized "toddler 3," hardly big enough for an adult, and were left over from her family's evacuation from Houston in 2005 as Hurricane Rita approached, attorney Don Lykkebak said Friday.

OK, fine, you weren't wearing diapers. That's still not the weirdest part of this saga.

Posted 6/30/2007 04:46:00 PM by Douglas

What are the chances that alcohol was involved?

An unidentified man who for unknown reasons was sitting in the middle of the Gulf Freeway early today died after being struck by several vehicles, Houston police said.

The man, who had been struck by an 18-wheeler, a motorcycle and at least two cars, died at the scene in the northbound lane of the 14000 block of the freeway about 2:30 a.m.

Pretty sad. Sounds like it was intentional, to me. unlike these poor folks. When will the Million Moms realize that kids and cars don't mix?

Posted 6/30/2007 04:30:00 PM by Douglas

Remember: Islam is a religion of peace.

A Mickey Mouse lookalike who preached Islamic domination on a Hamas-affiliated children's television program was the victim of a pretend beating death in the show's final episode Friday.

In the final skit, the "Farfour" character was killed by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfour's land. At one point, the mouse called the Israeli a "terrorist."

"Farfour was martyred while defending his land," said Sara, the teen presenter. He was killed "by the killers of children," she added.

That's kinda disturbing, but I think I understand. I've wanted to give Mickey a beating for several years now.

Posted 6/30/2007 04:23:00 PM by Douglas

Here's a shocker: Cats like it when you feed them.

Your hunch is correct. Your cat decided to live with you, not the other way around. The sad truth is, it may not be a final decision.

Well, duh. Everyone that has a cat knows that you don't pick them, they pick you. Not everyone is lucky enough to make the cut.

The findings, drawn from an analysis of nearly 1,000 cats around the world, suggest that the ancestors of today's tabbies, Persians and Siamese wandered into Near Eastern settlements at the dawn of agriculture. They were looking for food, not friendship.

Again, I don't know what this should come as a surprise to anyone, and the cat-dog, Ford-Chevy, Mac-Windows, Intel-AMD debate isn't likely to be settled anytime soon. I will say this: you will never hear a cat person espousing the benefits of killing puppies.

Posted 6/26/2007 05:56:00 PM by Douglas

Turns out, he wasn't that funny:

Condemned prisoner Patrick Knight was executed this evening for the deaths of an Amarillo-area couple without delivering a promised funny punch line.

In a final statement in which he said he would tell a joke, Knight thanked God for his friends and asked for help for innocent men on death row. He named several he said were innocent. His voice shaking and nearly in tears, he said, "Not all of us are innocent, but those are."

After expressing love to some friends, he said, "I said I was going to tell a joke. Death has set me free. That's the biggest joke. I deserve this."

"And the other joke is that I am not Patrick Bryan Knight and y'all can't stop this execution now. Go ahead, I'm finished."

Nine minutes later at 6:21 p.m. CDT, he was pronounced dead.

Have you hear the one about the convicted murderer that thought he was funny? Neither did Patrick Knight.

Posted 6/25/2007 05:23:00 PM by Douglas

So. . . . why the long face?

Posted 6/24/2007 06:58:00 PM by Douglas

It was easy, growing up in the 80s, to identify with the emerging "mall culture" that would come to define a generation. Western Plaza had been around for fifteen years when Westgate sounded the death knell for the first mall I'd ever seen. Now, 39 years after Miss Western Plaza cut the ribbon at the grand opening, it's history. [Login: leavemealone Password: goaway]

There hasn't been much life at Western Plaza for a long time now unless you count Graham Central Station, which I don't because it's not part of the inner workings of the 39-year-old mall. It was beyond time for it to go, to unhook the life-support monitors, tear it down, and try something else.

I come to bury Western Plaza, but also to praise her. It may be hard for anyone under 30 to believe, but there used to be life in that old place. It opened with justified fanfare, a $13 million, 485,000-square-foot monstrosity on a 38-acre tract of land, with more than 30 retail stores that employed 750.

Yeah, there was Sunset Center and Wolflin Village - "We're at the center of everything!'' - but nothing like this.

This was the age of the early malls, and it was a place even a child didn't mind going with his mom. Open the door on a hot summer Saturday and a welcoming blast of cool air greeted you.

There was a sense of wonder, all these fountains shooting up, and all these stores right next to each other, and it was hard to see to the other end. This must have been how the space-age Jetsons shopped.

If my mom went to Sakowitz or Kline's or Zales, or wanted to cash in those S&H Green Stamps books, that's fine. My slice of heaven was Toys By Roy, you could spend hours in that place. Later it was Hasting's. Meet her at the fountains in an hour.

Holy crap, it's like this guy hung out with me and my brother! Meet me at the fountain in an hour!

It's a sad commentary in our disposable society that we throw away our TVs, our computers, our cars, and now our buildings when they get a few years on them and the next thing comes out. Not that everything is worth preserving, but ya know, you're never going to get an 100 year old building if you don't first have a 50 year old building.

I saw Back to the Future there in 1985 the day I got braces, and that's where we got our Sears brand knock-off Atari in 1981. But when Penney's moved out to Coulter, my mom (and everyone else's mom) kept driving past the Western St. exit on I-40. But no one can impugn the tastiness of a Orange Julius!

Posted 6/23/2007 10:55:00 AM by Douglas

I've always thought that The New York Times was full of shit. Now I'd have to say that that assertion has been confirmed.

The eldest children in families tend to develop slightly higher I.Q.s than their younger siblings, researchers are reporting, based on a large study that could effectively settle more than a half-century of scientific debate about the relationship between I.Q. and birth order.

The difference in I.Q. between siblings was a result of family dynamics, not biological factors like changes in gestation caused by repeated pregnancies, the study found.

Researchers have long had evidence that first-borns tend to be more dutiful and cautious than their siblings, early in life and later, but previous studies focusing on I.Q. differences were not conclusive. In particular, analyses that were large enough to detect small differences in scores could not control for the vast differences in the way that children in separate families were raised.

The new findings, which is to appear in the journal Science on Friday, are based on detailed records from 241,310 Norwegians, including some 64,000 pairs of brothers, allowing the researchers to carefully compare scores within families, as well as between families. The study found that eldest children scored about three points higher on I.Q. tests than their closest sibling. The difference was an average, meaning that it showed up in most families, but not all of them.

My wife, however, thinks The Times is right on the money.

Posted 6/23/2007 10:51:00 AM by Douglas

Welcome home. To California, anyway.

Work was continuing on the station computers, but Gerstenmaier said the computer crash may have taught NASA much about how electronics will perform on the space station-size ships the agency hopes to one day send to Mars.

"This mission is really a piece of exploration, if you think about it," he said. "We may have learned something here on this flight with the computer malfunction that could pay huge benefits to us in the future."

We can all hope.

Labels: STS-117

Posted 6/23/2007 10:46:00 AM by Douglas

I'm certainly not one to complain about fashion trends, as I've been criticized by my family for dressing like an exchange student that got kicked out of the hostel for not bathing, but the trend in footwear is alarming. First, shoes that were previously only acceptable walking into a public shower have become ubiquitous. Now it's cool to wear shoes that only a lesbian gardener could love:

Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet.

The shoes can look cute on children. But all those adults walking around in Crocs, going on about how comfortable they are, look like overgrown children.

Grow up and put on some freakin' socks.

Posted 6/21/2007 10:39:00 PM by Douglas

So long, stumpy!

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/21/2007 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

If your job is to make sure the train you're driving is going the right way down the right tracks and for some reason, you mess that up, do you get to keep your job? Not in this case.

The Metropolitan Transit Authority has fired the operator of a light rail train involved in a May 9 incident in which her train crossed over to the opposite track, creating the potential for a wrong-way collision.

Metro spokeswoman Raequel Roberts said La Shonda Gordon, 37, was let go Friday. She was hired Feb. 23, and at the time of the incident had been at the controls less than three weeks.

Example number 5,847: Houston light rail, what a train wreck.

Posted 6/20/2007 09:03:00 PM by Douglas

I'm sick. I'm sick of whining about my arborcide, I'm sick of bitching about heartless, ignorant oil companies and I'm sick of knowing that Al Gore might kick my ass for increasing my carbon footprint.

So here's a picture of a chick with big tits:

I'm going to bed.

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/20/2007 08:33:00 PM by Douglas

Well it's all over but the crying, which isn't expected to cease anytime soon. I understand the how of a heartless company spending so much money to come in and destroy my back yard, but I still can't get my mind around the why. If the stupid answer costs more money, why do they go forward with it? Oh yeah, because they only make a $55,000 a minute. But I digress. Here it is, my beautiful stump:

I really couldn't be mean to the guys that did it. For the most part, they were sweating their asses off doing a shitty job, and rather pleasant to me throughout. But here's a few before and after shots. Hey look, there's a tree:

Hey, where'd that tree go?

OK, here's what really, really, really pisses me off about this. I found out from one of my tree murderers today that when they fly over their pipeline, they're looking for seeping oil. What the fuck? Do they think that line of sight from the air is their first defense against a leaking crude oil pipeline? This is a residential neighborhood. If there's oil seeping in my lawn, I'm going to A) rent a derek or B) call the pipeline owner. Having me living happily over their pipe and under my fucking tree is the best protection their pipe has, because I know I'll report the leak long before they do their fly-by. But I digress. The arborcide is a done deal. They've attempted to placate me (and I've attempted to explain to them what "placate" means) with enough "upgrades" to my yard to make me forget the lunacy they say is necessary. Here are some more picts, from the front. It really gives a better perspective of how big Oaky really was:

And then there's this:

But at the end of the day, it's just a tree. That tree wasn't going to cure cancer, end political strife in the Middle East, or even sneak Paris Hilton any menthols in prison. It was just a tree, and it had about 50 good years, but last night I made this promise to her: No matter where I am, no matter how dire the circumstance is, under absolutely no situation will I ever give a dime, knowingly, to Anglo-Saxon Petroleum. I don't care if I'm bleeding out the eye sockets and it's the only gas available. I'm hoofin' it, and I'm hoofin' it for you, Oaky.

She would have done the same for me.

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/20/2007 11:09:00 AM by Douglas

About 50 years ago, someone, possibly a hungry squirrel, planted an acorn on a piece of dirt that was to become my back yard. Since the house has only been here for a little over 30 years, I have to assume that the builder realized the value of such a majestic Oak tree and left it intact, and for the last three decades, the house and tree have lived in harmony.

But what the squirrel didn't know is that he planed his nut on top of a 30 foot petroleum pipeline easement owned by a multi-national oil company that kinda sounds like the urine of this animal. Turns out they want to fly over and observe their pipeline, and their fancy imaging techniques can see through several feet of dirt, but somehow my oak tree was fucking it all up. So this morning they came to commit arborcide:

This just really sucks. For one, I can hear the chain saws as I type this, and it just makes me wonder WHY? Sure it's their easement, but does this make any sense? Sending some guy to walk it off every year has got to be cheaper than this. There's about 20 guys hanging around in my yard right now. I could sit around and whine about it, which is what I'm going to do, anyway, but I just want to cry. And if one more of those guys tells me "look how much better your lawn will grow now that all that shade is gone" I'm going to have to give him a chain saw enema.

Labels: arborcide

Posted 6/18/2007 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

Arming our enemies. What's the worst that could happen?

A U.S. program to combat al Qaeda in Iraq by arming Sunni Muslims undercuts the Iraqi government and years of U.S. policy, and is a tacit acknowledgment that the country's violence is really a civil war, some U.S. military officials in Washington and foreign policy experts say.

The program, which Bush administration officials have hailed as a sign of progress in Iraq, has sparked heated debate among military and foreign policy analysts. It is opposed by the Iraqi government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.

Supporters see it as a welcome change in the American approach in Iraq, one whose benefits have been obvious in the drop in violence in Iraq's Anbar province, where al Qaeda formerly held sway. They say it could give impetus to the Shiites and Kurds to make political concessions.

But others contend the program has long-term repercussions that can only be guessed at now. By giving weapons and training to Sunnis in Anbar and Baghdad who've been previously associated with Sunni insurgent groups, the program endorses unofficial armed groups over official Iraqi forces as guarantors of Iraqi security, military officers who oppose the program say.

Really?!? We don't know about the long-term repercussions yet? Really? Have we already forgotten that Osama Bin-Laden (I know, we don't like to talk about him now that Iraq is so popular) was funded and trained by the C.I.A.? Mujahideen, anyone?

What's the worst that could happen, indeed.

Posted 6/16/2007 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

I think we can all agree that airport security has gone a bit overboard since 9/11, but I also think that anyone that doesn't think that this is taking it too far is a total idiot.

A man found last year at George Bush Intercontinental Airport with a stick of dynamite from a Bolivian silver mine was sentenced Friday to two years' probation.

Howard MacFarland Fish, 21, apologized to his parents and the 200 passengers aboard the Aug. 25 flight from Buenos Aires.

"I didn't think this ever needed to be a felony case," said U.S. District Judge Keith Ellison, "but I understand the reasons for it."

Authorities found the dynamite labeled "Danger Explosive" in Fish's checked luggage after his arrival at Bush.

The Lafayette (Pa.) College student also had three black powder fuses, an electrical blasting cap and a bag of ammonium nitrate.

Fish said he was vacationing and brought the items home as souvenirs.

Souvenirs? Maybe you should consider spoons or shot glasses.

Posted 6/16/2007 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

There must be a special place in hell for these folks

Cruising near the intersection of Shane and Villamain about 3 a.m., Hernandez and Salinas noticed a young man and woman standing over the Union Pacific railroad tracks, a police report said. The friends felt something was wrong and doubled back and noticed a kitten in the woman's hand.

"They knew we were watching them," Hernandez said.

So Hernandez switched off his headlights and parked nearby.

"It was disgusting, really, seeing someone tie a kitten to the tracks," Salinas said, "just for the joy of seeing it get run over."

The couple got into a green Saturn and pulled away. Hernandez drove closer and killed his engine. Silence. Then the high-pitched cry of the kitten. It was upside-down, its back legs bound to the tracks, he said.

Hernandez and Salinas untied the creature, got back in the pickup and called police. They caught up to the Saturn and recorded the license plate number but backed off when the man stopped the car, retrieved a gun from the trunk and pointed it at them, Hernandez and Salinas said.

'Cause it takes a really strong person to torture a kitten.

Posted 6/15/2007 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Gene Kranz, of course, weighs in on the current affairs at NASA.

With the shuttle program on the distant horizon, the legacy of our first decade was surrendered and many of our leaders would move on. The most technically proficient and imaginative space team in the world would disperse. America had lost its will to explore.

Our nation now faces a similar gap in manned space flight if our political and congressional leaders don’t act soon. In 2010, after completing the assembly of the space station and restoring the Hubble space telescope to many more years of scientific achievement, the shuttle fleet will stand down, initiating a more than four-year hiatus in U.S. human access to space.

The American space effort will be stalled and U.S. space leadership will be running out of time. The American astronauts that will fly to the space station will be totally dependent upon Russia, Japan and Europe. We will have to rely on the generosity and goodwill of other nations to maintain a minimal presence in space, as America will be grounded.

Is this a push to "dream big" and get Orion off the ground sooner than expected, or is this a plea to keep the "shuttle to nowhere" going past 2010? Hopefully the former.

Posted 6/14/2007 05:58:00 PM by Douglas

I am shocked, shocked to learn there might be some kind of adverse consequences to screwing your cousin. Or is it just being Mormon? Nah, we'll just stick with screwing your cousin for the time being:

The twin border communities of Hildale, Utah, and Colorado City, Arizona, have the world's highest known prevalence of fumarase deficiency, an enzyme irregularity that causes severe mental retardation brought on by cousin marriage, doctors say.

"Arizona has about half the world's population of known fumarase deficiency patients," said Dr. Theodore Tarby, a pediatric neurologist who has treated many of the children at Arizona clinics under contracts with the state.

"It exists in a certain percentage of the broader population but once you get a tendency to inbreed you're inbreeding people who have the gene there, so you markedly increase the risk of developing the condition," he said.

The community of about 10,000 people, who shun outsiders and are taught to avoid newspapers, television and the Internet, is home to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS), a sect that broke from the mainstream Mormon church 72 years ago over polygamy.

To be fair, I have to give them credit for living life they way they see fit. If they want 80 wives, some of which are their cousins and want to sire an entire town of retards that exist pretty much no where else in the country, that's their right. I just think that the "shunning newspapers" may need to be revisited, because I think they could benefit from a headline or two. Or at least from the Dillard's ad on page six where the woman in the pants suit isn't wearing sack-cloth and drooling on herself.

Posted 6/14/2007 05:46:00 PM by Douglas

It's been a hell of a ride.

There are bad ideas, and then there are true historic stinkers. Put the International Space Station in that second category.

Today, the most underachieving machine NASA ever dreamed up got into trouble again, when computers that control the station’s oxygen, water supply and orientation failed. With the three-man station crew just joined by the seven visiting astronauts of the space shuttle Atlantis, the specter of Apollo 13 on a grand scale — with 10 astronauts in danger this time instead of merely three — immediately arose. The good news is, the shuttle and station astronauts are in nowhere near the danger the 1970 lunar crew was; in fact, they're not in much danger at all. The bad news is, the station has once again proven itself unworthy of all of the time, money and attention that has been lavished on it over the last two decades.

Well, that may be the case, but I can't think of a way to end this sentence expect that it's a hell of a ride, and it's still a lot cooler than seeing your name on a plaque on a methadone clinic in Detroit, as long as we're talking about wasting federal money.

Posted 6/14/2007 05:36:00 PM by Douglas

Palatine, Illinois, we have a problem.

PALATINE, Ill. - An elementary school science teacher in this Chicago suburb doesn't have to turn on the news for an update on NASA's space mission. She just turns on her video baby monitor.

Since Sunday, one of the two channels on Natalie Meilinger's baby monitor has been picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis. The other still lets her keep an eye on her baby.

"Whoever has a baby monitor knows what you'll usually see," Meilinger said. "No one would ever expect this."

Live video of the mission is available on NASA's Web site, so it's possible the monitor is picking up a signal from somewhere.

"It's not coming straight from the shuttle," NASA spokeswoman Brandi Dean said. "People here think this is very interesting and you don't hear of it often — if at all."

Well, it's not coming from the ISS. Nothing is working on the ISS.

Summer Infant, the monitor's manufacturer, is investigating what could be causing the transmission, communications director Cindy Barlow said. She said she's never heard of anything similar happening.

"Not even close," she said. "Gotta love technology."

Kinda funny, really, that the baby monitor is picking this up while there's so many malfunctions onboard.

Technology indeed.

Labels: STS-117

Posted 6/14/2007 05:31:00 PM by Douglas

Thirty years later and we're still dealing with this.

More than 30 years after the Vietnam War ended, the poisonous legacy of Agent Orange has emerged anew with a scientific study that has found extraordinarily high levels of health-threatening contamination at the former U.S. air base at Danang.

"They're the highest levels I've ever seen in my life," said Thomas Boivin, the scientist who conducted the tests this spring. "If this site were in the U.S. or Canada, it would require significant studies and immediate cleanup."

I suppose Washington's desire to help these poor unfortunate brown people only extends to billions of dollars for war and 50,000 American lives supporting a puppet government we installed and not for cleaning up the poisonous chemicals we left behind to destroy their ecosystem.

But even if it does get cleaned up, don't fret. There's still DU in Iraq.

Posted 6/14/2007 05:17:00 PM by Douglas

Pretty sad when your own party starts to abandon you on your idiotic bullshit you're so arrogantly adamant about. Even worse? Your approval rating falls lower than the price of a stamp back when your daddy, "one term" Bush was President.

Could it possibly get any worse for George Bush?

Could he possibly be any less popular?

Yes, if diehard Republicans start to abandon him.

And that, according to the latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll, is what is now happening.

Bush's approval rating fell to the lowest level ever in the poll -- just 29 percent.

That's a drop of six points since April, the last time when the NBC/Journal pollsters were in the field.

Sad, really, considering how much political capital he squandered after 9/11 and even the second election, but just like every idiot frat boy I've known with more popularity than leadership, he doesn't have a clue as to what to do without his yes-men, and sadly, they're looking out for themselves and not the country or G'dumb's legacy.

Posted 6/14/2007 05:10:00 PM by Douglas

Installment 2,784 that cops are bored and are nothing but a bunch of killjoys.

A police officer interrupted a couple's weekend sex romp on top of a 100-foot construction crane, but let them go with a warning, authorities said.

Police went to the construction site to investigate Saturday night after bystanders spotted the couple climbing into the cab of the crane. An officer's command to come down was followed by a naked foot popping over the railing, police said.

The officer noted the couple then got dressed and climbed down.

The man, who worked at the site and had keys to the crane, told officers he was photographing the city skyline.

Come on, man, if you talk a woman into going up a crane to "photograph the skyline" and you end up gettin' your freak on, who on earth could you possibly be bothering with this? That is pussy well earned!

Posted 6/14/2007 05:05:00 PM by Douglas

Squirrrrrrrrel!!!!!

An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."

Killed with a crutch? Where's cousin Eddy, he usually eats these things?!?

Posted 6/13/2007 05:59:00 PM by Douglas

For those of you having trouble sorting out the whole Iraq war thing: Don't feel too bad. It's confusing. Luckily, M.C. Hammer has got it all figured out, so you don't have to.

For whatever reason, M.C. seems sincere about it, just about as sincere as the ill-informed Mr. Worley was before the war. Hindsight is 20/20, but then again I can see how your judgement was easily clouded if you're now doing spread for Playgirl. Geez, what a freakin' whore.

Posted 6/12/2007 05:24:00 PM by Douglas

I'm not going to make the obligatory "big brother" comment on this one. This one goes way beyond any trite clichés. [Thanks, long-time reader!] Red light cameras were only the beginning.

Despite the near-unanimous opposition in the state legislature to the use of speed cameras, the Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) is moving forward on a proposal to deploy photo radar on state highways using federal gas tax funds. Legislation awaiting Governor Rick Perry's signature prohibited only municipalities -- like Marble Falls and Rhome -- from installing automated speeding ticket systems. It was silent on the possibility of a state-run system.

TxDOT began searching in April for a vendor that, using federal funds, would allow the agency "to assess and evaluate all elements of an automated speed notification system." Once selected, the vendor would operate an average time speed camera test for at least six months on Interstate 10 near El Paso and State Highway 6 near College Station.

Time-distance ticketing systems use multiple cameras spaced far apart on a freeway. Each car is photographed once as it enters the first section of road. Miles later a second photograph is taken that allows the vehicle's average speed to be calculated from the time it took to travel between the two locations. In use in Britain under the trade name SPECS, these cameras are commonly referred to as "yellow vultures" and are among the most lucrative in the country.

Still, this may be a long way off, but who knows. If England's money-making example of the surveillance camera is the model we're using to justify cameras out in the middle of no where Texas, then we're all in trouble.

But like anything, there will be ways to defeat it. How long after the cameras are installed will there be a Quick-Stop set up? I mean, what better opportunity to stop and get a cup of coffee and some jerky?

Posted 6/12/2007 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

As a non-idiot, I realize I'm not the target audience for this movie, but something about it really rubs me the wrong way. A shuttle disintegrating? Debris scattered all over the countryside? Correct me if I'm missing something, but I think we already did that. February 1st, 2003.

So forgive me if I think these Hollywood douchebags are not only trying to capitalize on an actual disaster where seven people lost their lives, but they're doing it a day late and dollar short.

And why is the NASA logo so prominently displayed in that trailer (and presumably, the film)? Where is PAO?

Posted 6/12/2007 05:11:00 PM by Douglas

Your tax dollar at work.

A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.

Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb."

My first reaction: WHAT?!? There's a device 10,000 more times effective than the best "gay-bomb" could ever hope to be of making soldiers more interested in sex than fighting? Pussy! And it already has a proven delivery system that's a hell of a lot cheaper than $7.5 million.

Posted 6/10/2007 10:45:00 PM by Douglas

America mourns the loss of a true great. Rest in peace, Edwin Traisman:

Edwin Traisman, a food scientist who helped standardize McDonald’s French fries and develop Cheez Whiz for Kraft Foods, as well as researching the risks of E. coli bacteria, died Tuesday in Madison, Wis. He was 91 and lived in Monona, Wis.

As stipulated in his will, his ashes were scattered over a bowl of limp broccoli. But seriously folks, this is the American dream:

Mr. Traisman was manager of dairy research for Kraft in 1957 when he noticed long lines at a new drive-in restaurant called McDonald’s in Des Plaines, Ill. Within a year, he left his job at Kraft and opened the first of four McDonald’s restaurants that he would eventually own, three in Madison and one in Monona.

Soon after, Mr. Traisman’s research expertise came to the attention of Ray Kroc, the president of the McDonald’s chain, which had 200 restaurants.

Mr. Traisman and another food scientist, Ken Strong, were asked by Mr. Kroc to find a way to supply all the restaurants with peeled and cut potatoes that would hold their taste, color and crispness no matter the season. The solution was to quick fry the slices for up to a minute at 300 degrees to remove some of the moisture and then freeze them.

By 1972, frozen fries were being shipped to the 2,272 McDonald’s restaurants. Today, the company supplies frozen fries to 31,000 restaurants worldwide.

So maybe he didn't discover DNA or a process to refine Aluminum from bauxite ore (but you don't know the names of those guys, either), but what does it say about your work to know you can't walk into a grocery store on the continent and not find your invention? As far as legacies go, sure, it's not a cure for cancer, but what have you done with your life that's going to get your obit in The Times??

Posted 6/09/2007 11:00:00 PM by Douglas

There a tear, in the blanket, dear NASA, dear NASA.

NASA experts analyzed a small gap in the fabric heat-shielding of shuttle Atlantis' tail section Saturday as the seven astronauts aboard raced toward a rendezvous with the international space station.

The 4-inch gap in fabric that stretches across one of two rocket engines used for orbital maneuvers could be repaired in a spacewalk if necessary, the space agency said.

"If we decide this is a problem, we have a lot of capabilities to go address it," John Shannon, who chairs NASA's mission-management team, said at a news briefing.

Ok, that's all well and good and all, and quite frankly, problems at the Mission Control Center are a lot bigger deal when they happen during the week (as opposed to a Saturday), so I can understand why they're keeping it low key. My question is what is up with the Chronicle? They've probably fixed the side bar by the time anyone would read this (who am I kidding? NO ONE is reading this) so I made a screen-cap of it:

STS-115? That wasn't even the last shuttle flight. This is incredibly bad, even for a Hearst paper, but the home town of Mission Control can't do better than this? Come on, guys.

Labels: STS-117

Posted 6/09/2007 10:40:00 PM by Douglas

When it comes to gambling, the house sets the odds, and while they hope you don't know the odds, they know that you do, or at least you have a cocktail (or seven) while you're figuring them out. So what if the State is setting the odds? What would happen if you let the same people that can't seem to pave a road set the odds in their own game? You'd get the biggest sucker game ever invented. And thus was the beginning of the state lottery.

If you thought the state's priciest scratch-off tickets were sure to fly off the shelves mainly in areas where people could easily afford them, you haven't been crunching the numbers.

That's OK; neither has the state.

Several months ago, when the Texas Lottery Commission introduced a $50 scratch-off game, agency officials expressed confidence it would draw affluent customers. But they had little to base that assumption on.

As it turns out, they were right for the first 10 days of sales, at least.

But had they mapped ticket sales of their pricier tickets for the past 12 months — the $10, $20, $25, $30 and $50 games — they might have discovered retailers in the state's 10 poorest ZIP codes sold $2.4 million of them, some 50 percent more than retailers in the state's 10 wealthiest ZIP codes.

That goes back to who buys those stupid things in the first place, not so much as how much they spend on them. 50 $1 tickets isn't any less stupid or manipulative than one $50 ticket. But still, you'd think that proximity might play a factor in who buys tickets and where they buy them. You'd think that, unless you were a total idiot, the Lottery's spokesman, or in this case, both:

"Because it's a poor neighborhood doesn't mean that the poor are buying the tickets," maintains Rep. Ismael "Kino" Flores, D-Palmview, who oversees the Lottery Commission as chairman of the House Licensing and Administrative Procedures Committee.

"Before, what used to be neighborhood stores now cater to people moving through the neighborhood. I've seen it. People stop at different stores and buy their tickets," he said.

Robert Heith, the Lottery Commission's spokesman, said the only real way to determine who is buying big-dollar tickets would be to stand "at the door (of each retailer) and ask everybody who bought a lottery ticket where they lived."

Jimminy Cricket, they really are this stupid. Do they think people drive cross-town to go to a convenience store for lottery tickets? But never underestimate the stupidity, or hypocrisy, of an elected official:

"It's like cigarettes," Flores said. "If that's what people want, let them buy it."

Oh really? I wonder if Representative Flores feels the same way about crack, meth, heroin, R-12 and NON low-flush toilets? Does he want to sell everything the market shows demand for, or just things that fall directly into the State's coffers?

Personally, I think it's an idiot tax, just like when you get busted speeding. You pay your money and you feel like an idiot, but deep down, you think that next time you're going to get lucky. Maybe you won't get caught doing 80 in a 40, just like you might turn that one dollar ticket into $10,000. But never forget that the State sets the odds, and the system is predicated that in the long run, you are going to lose.

But what about the compulsive gambler that needs help saying no?

The state spent $2 million the first year on programs to help problem gamblers. The state now spends zero dollars on programs for problem gamblers even as ticket prices hit the stratosphere.

OK, that's too bad for them, then. So the State doesn't spend any money trying to get people to stop buying tickets, how much does it spend to get them to start?

The state spends about $33 million a year promoting the games that inspire dreams of instant riches.

Ahhhhh. . . that's the stuff. The State wielding its powers to encourage people to gamble. What a magnificent waste of authority.

Posted 6/08/2007 11:05:00 PM by Douglas

Finally!

After three months of hail damage, the penguin finally got airborne.

A patched-up Atlantis blasted off with seven astronauts Friday on the first space shuttle flight of 2007, putting NASA back on track after a run of bad luck and scandal that included a damaging hailstorm and a lurid love triangle.

Its big orange fuel tank covered with white blotches where the foam insulation had been repaired, the spaceship rose from its seaside launch pad with a roar and climbed into a clear and still-brightly lit sky at 7:38 p.m. EDT, setting a course for the international space station.

"See you in a couple weeks," Atlantis commander Rick Sturckow said shortly before lifting off.

Let's do this thing!

Labels: STS-117

Posted 6/08/2007 10:14:00 PM by Douglas

The Republican debate this week was a total snooze fest (I know, I'm behind. I've been busy. Fuck you.) Anyway, I thought this was too funny not to mention. The only power in the world bigger than Rudy's ego:

BLITZER: Thank you, Governor. Thank you, Governor.

Mayor Giuliani, there was some news here today. A Catholic bishop in Rhode Island said some words about your position on abortion, suggesting that it was similar to Pontius Pilate's personal opposition to Jesus Christ's crucifixion, but allowing it to happen anyway. How does that make you feel when you hear words like that from a Catholic bishop?

GIULIANI: Well, Catholic bishop -- any religion (inaudible).

BLITZER: That's the lightning that's having an effect on our system.

GIULIANI: I know.

Giuliani's rant about abortion was interrupted by (wait for it), LIGHTNING! If that's not a sign from above, I don't know what you're waiting for.

Also proving that it takes a deity to make that man shut his fucking pie hole.

Posted 6/07/2007 12:52:00 AM by Douglas

Happy Birthday, Dave! Damn you're old!

Posted 6/04/2007 05:55:00 PM by Douglas

My new favourite humor/news site: Arkansas Democrat Gazette. First, there's this juicy take at a booor-ing story about the Republican party in Arkansas:

“At the end of the day, I believe fully the president is doing the right thing, and I think all we need is some attacks on American soil like we had on [Sept. 11, 2001 ], and the naysayers will come around very quickly to appreciate not only the commitment for President Bush, but the sacrifice that has been made by men and women to protect this country,” Milligan said.

Wow, that'll show 'em! Another attack and 3,000 dead Americans! Ya know, I think I still have to disagree with him on this one, but I have to respect a country that lets even the most rabid of Kool-Aid drinkers off the compound long enough to make a press statement. Then there's this one from April:

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they ? Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.

CONNIE M. MESKIMEN / Hot Springs

What?!? This one is so mind-numbingly stupid, you think it has to be a joke. This one is Onion.com material, and the ADG editor tries his best to play it off:

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from a fellow editorial writer in beautiful North Carolina, and learn that one of our letters to the editor was being circulated all over the worldwide net. I’d gathered as much from the flood of e-mails asking if the letter was for real. I only wish our editorials were as popular, but right now we’re just trying to expand our circulation in growing metropolitan areas here in Arkansas like Hogeye, Smackover, and Standard Umpstead.

[. . .]

I’ve lost count by now of the ohso-serious inquiries from graduate students and members of science faculties, including one or two at Ivy League universities, who have asked whether the letter writer was serious. These people wouldn’t be able to detect satire if it showed up under their microscopes. Then there were the folks here in Arkansas, image-conscious as ever, who were infuriated that we’d dared publish the letter, fearing it would leave the impression that Arkansas is full of scientific ignoramuses. As opposed, I guess, to literal-minded, sober-sided, absolutely humorless scientific twits.

Earnestly as ever,

Inky Wretch
Paul Greenberg is editorial page editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Well Paul, maybe I'd feel better about taking you in earnest if there weren't so many typos in your response.

Is it real? Is it fake? Who cares, it's funny, and what's more, it's credible. If the short-sighted Al Goreites were as quick to research the science as they are to devise their "hey hey, ho ho" chants or to sign a petition, it might be more obvious to tell when they're joking.

After all, this is Arkansas we're talking about.

Posted 6/04/2007 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Cold and arrogant? Maybe. Insolent? Absolutely, but the inner smart-ass in me has to laugh at this one.

Condemned prisoner Patrick Knight wants to leave them laughing.

Knight acknowledges there's nothing funny about his likely execution later this month for the fatal shooting of his neighbors, Walter and Mary Werner, almost 16 years ago outside Amarillo. But to help him come up with his final statement, Knight is accepting jokes mailed to him on Texas' death row or e-mailed to a friend who has a web site for him. The friend then mails him the jokes.

Knight said the joke he finds the funniest will be his final statement the evening of June 26.

"I'm not trying to disrespect the Werners or anything like that," he told The Associated Press from death row. "I'm not trying to say I don't care what's going on. I'm about to die. I'm not going to sit here and whine and cry and moan and everything like that when I'm facing the punishment I've been given.

"I'm not asking for money. I'm not asking for pen pals or anything like that. All I'm asking for is jokes."

There's nothing funny about the State taking anyone's life, and there's even less funny about double murder, but if you are afforded the opportunity of a "last word" because you're about to be executed at the hands of the State, you should be allowed to say whatever the hell you please.

Randall County Sheriff Joel Richardson thinks the whole idea is anything but cool. As chief deputy at the time of the Werners' killings, Richardson investigated the case and intends to witness Knight's execution. He said the Werners' family has already been through enough, and that Knight's attempt to make a joke at the execution is sick.

"The whole thing is not a joke to anybody here unless it is to him," Richardson said of Knight. "This tells you a little bit about the guy's character, anyway."

Lighten up, Sheriff. Whatever you think of the man's character (such that it is), he's the one staring a lethal injection in the arm. Is he a total sociopath? Ida know, but something I find very human about a dying man's last words going something like this: "Two Jews walk into a bar. . . "

Of course, the funniest joke in the world is hard to beat:

Posted 6/04/2007 05:27:00 PM by Douglas

What a great idea! Share your good credit, lose your house!

Instead of spending several years repairing his credit rating, which he said was marred by two forgotten cell phone bills and identity theft, the 37-year-old real estate agent paid $1,800 to an Internet-based company to bump up his score almost overnight.

The result was a happy ending for Estruch, but the growing practice is sending shivers through the mortgage industry. Federal regulators are also reviewing the practice. And after being contacted by The Associated Press for this story, Fair Isaac Corp., the developer of the widely used FICO score, said it will change its credit scoring system beginning later this year in a way it contends will end this little-known but potentially high-impact mortgage loan loophole.

I'm as lazy as the next guy when it comes to making money for doing nothing, but this sounds incredibly dangerous. I'm surprised it's as popular as it is, considering how prevalent and damaging identity theft has become. But still, hey, free money!

The pitch to those who are essentially renting their credit history for pay is seductive: You don't need to worry about users of this service receiving duplicate copies of your credit cards, account numbers or any of your personal information. It's essentially free money, they are told.

Brian Kinney, 44, a retired Army officer in Glendale, Calif., pulls in more than $2,500 a month by lending out 19 credit card spots on two old Citibank cards with strong payment histories. Kinney, whose FICO score is above 800 on the scale of 300 to 850, quit his job working at a Farmers Insurance agency and uses the ICB income to tide him over until he starts his own insurance agency.

Lenders are worried, however, that they're taking on greater default risks by unknowingly offering lower interest rates than they otherwise would to applicants who artificially boost their credit scores. Their trade group has complained to the Federal Trade Commission and is talking with the credit reporting bureaus in case the practice becomes more widespread.

Woo hoo! Free money! You know who is scared shitless over this? Lenders. Once again the internet is bringing together willing participants in the free market and cutting the huge, established industries out of business. Is buying someone else's good credit any more deceitful than paying your bills on time? Probably, but it's just as wrong to get screwed on interest rates for seven to 10 years because a few late payments follow you around forever. So cry me a river, banks, for losing at your own game.

Posted 6/04/2007 05:20:00 PM by Douglas

It was bound to happen. Not even politicians in Louisiana can ignore mother nature forever. Looks like a $50 Billion wall of $1 bills is what it's going to take to protect Louisiana's wetlands, or as I like to call it, the sewer of the continent.

The ambitious plan would create a series of gates that would control the release of silt-laden river water, which would sustain existing wetlands and rebuild some of those that have been buried by the encroaching Gulf of Mexico.

It will mimic the river's natural ebb and flow in some areas while keeping critical shipping channels open.

In a unanimous vote, state lawmakers signed off on the project Wednesday, which could take decades to implement and cost upwards of 50 billion dollars.

"This is the largest scale project of anything of this nature we have ever seen in this country," said King Milling, chairman of America's Wetland Foundation.

"It is costly, but the price of not doing it would be much greater."

Do nothing, or spend $50 Billion dollars? Either way, the river is going to go where it wants to go. It's a matter of time.

Since the 1930s, the state has lost an estimated 1.2 million acres, according to the Coastal Protection and Restoration Authority, the commission that drew up the master plan.

More than 15,000 acres per year are being swallowed by salt water, threatening entire communities and industries.

Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in 2005 dramatically accelerated the rate of loss. The storms claimed more than 200 square miles of land and damaged or destroyed approximately 200,000 homes.

Either way, problem solved.

Posted 6/04/2007 05:13:00 PM by Douglas

Because being an idiot isn't already illegal.

A man who accidentally shot himself in the hand during the High Caliber Gun & Knife Show at the George R. Brown Convention Center may face misdemeanor charges and revocation of his concealed handgun permit.

The incident occurred Saturday about 2:30 p.m. when the man tried to disassemble the Glock .40-caliber handgun while shopping for a new part, said event organizer Todd Bean.

"He pulled the trigger barrel over his hand and shot himself in the fatty part of the hand," Bean said.

"We have signs posted at the entrance that state that no one can enter with a loaded weapon under Section 30.06 of the penal code," Bean said. If the man is convicted of violating the statute, he could lose his concealed handgun license.

I think anyone that's dumb enough to go to a gun show in Houston, Texas with a loaded gun, he doesn't need to be able to carry a concealed weapon any longer.

Posted 6/03/2007 02:10:00 PM by Douglas

NASA director Michael Griffin doesn't think that global warming is a big deal. Should anyone, besides The New York Times be surprised by this?

In an interview with National Public Radio, Mr. Griffin acknowledged that global warming is happening but then, remarkably, suggested that it might not be a problem — or at least one that had to be fixed. “I am not sure that it is fair to say that it is a problem we must wrestle with. To assume that it is a problem is to assume that the state of Earth’s climate today is the optimal climate,” he said, adding that he wasn’t sure there was any “need to take steps to make sure that it doesn’t change.”

Holy crap, how dare anyone, must less the head NASA administrator, question the hysteria surrounding Al Gore's Oscar. If only Al would watch this. Just because I think Al Gore if full of shit doesn't mean I'm questioning global warming. I just think those behind the hysteria are supporting their own, unenlightened self-interest. But for pure overreaction, keep reading:

But the scary thing was the lens his comment provided into his innermost thoughts. The Bush administration has been justly criticized for cutting the agency’s earth sciences budget and downgrading NASA’s once-prominent goal “to understand and protect our home planet.”

What? Did I miss a memo or something? "Protect the planet?" From what? Alien replicons from beyond the moon? Geesh.

Posted 6/03/2007 02:03:00 PM by Douglas

Even though it's hard to watch the drool puddle under Bill Maher's open mouth, this clip with Ron Paul is worth it.

Posted 6/02/2007 06:07:00 PM by Douglas

Kashka is watching you!

Don't kid yourself. She's silently judging you as well, and frankly, she's a little disappointed at what you've become.

Posted 6/02/2007 06:04:00 PM by Douglas

I wonder if Peter Singer has some kind of car that runs off his own blisteringly clever yet unsustainable philosophical arguments or if its boiler is fired with the bodies of dead babies and mangled kittens and puppies? This makes me wonder less.

In these circumstances, what should doctors—and society—do? Should they treat all children as best they can? Should they draw a line, say at twenty-four weeks, and say that no child born prior to that cut-off should be treated? A policy of not treating babies born earlier than twenty-four weeks would save the considerable expense of medical treatment that is likely to prove futile, as well as the need to support severely disabled children who do survive. But it would also be harsh on couples who have had difficulty in conceiving and whose premature infant represents perhaps their last chance at having a child. Amillia’s parents may have been in that category. If the parents understand the situation, and are ready to welcome a severely disabled child into their family and give that child all the love and care they can, should a comparatively wealthy, industrialized country simply say, “No, your child was born too early”?

Do people that wait too long to have kids deserve more publicly funded health care when they have premature babies? Most people in America, before our health care gets totally socialized, foot the bill themselves, but I don't think so. I'm also not vying to be the one that makes that call, unlike Singer. But there's something fundamentally wrong with a society that doesn't see the inherent value of caring for the next generation. One exception? Peter Singer as an infant.

Posted 6/02/2007 05:48:00 PM by Douglas

The middle east is such a mess, but we have to "fix" it because all our oil is in their desert, right? Well, no. Turns out we only import a fifth of our oil from Persian Gulf States, and while I hate drawing such obtuse conclusions, most everyone could cut their gas usage by at least that much if we checked our tires and bought a new air filter. So what would that buy us? We could stop using that bullshit line of "democracy spreading" over there and let those people do whatever the hell they wanted.

The middle east was once the world's most advanced region, but these days its biggest industries are extravagant consumption and the venting of resentment. According to the UN's 2004 Arab human development report, the region boasts the second lowest adult literacy rate in the world (after sub-Saharan Africa) at just 63 per cent. Its dependence on oil means that manufactured goods account for just 17 per cent of exports, compared to a global average of 78 per cent. Moreover, despite its oil wealth, the entire middle east generated under 4 per cent of global GDP in 2006—less than Germany.

Cheap gas isn't the answer. Hell, at $3 a gallon, it's not even the question. But to think that that area is somehow holding us hostage because they have cheap oil that we desperately need is utter horse shit.

Posted 6/02/2007 04:50:00 PM by Douglas

Check out the "Street View" on google maps. Also, this kinda creepy video. Only a few cities available, but geez, that's pretty awesome. Take a tour of Washington Square Park or the Guggenheim. Now I can cyber-stalk and check on parking!

Posted 6/02/2007 02:17:00 PM by Douglas

I guess he really did do it "His Way," right up until he got shot in the chest.

A jobless man was shot dead by a security guard for singing out of tune in a Philippine karaoke bar, police said Thursday.

Romy Baligula, 29, was halfway through his song on Tuesday night in a bar in San Mateo town, east of Manila, when 43-year-old security guard Robilito Ortega yelled that he was out of tune.

As Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, Ortega pulled out his revolver and shot him in the chest.

That's kinda harsh. I've just been asked to leave for singing "Hotel California" at about 90 decibels. Without the mic.

Deaths and violence are not uncommon in Philippine karaoke bars.

The popular Frank Sinatra song "My Way" has been taken off many karaoke bars in Manila after it was found to be the cause of fights and even deaths when patrons sang out of tune.

They need to relax! Maybe a little Skynard?

Posted 6/02/2007 02:13:00 PM by Douglas

There's pornography on the Internet now? I had no idea. Weird that they can't make any money.

The Internet was supposed to be a tremendous boon for the pornography industry, creating a global market of images and videos accessible from the privacy of a home computer. For a time it worked, with wider distribution and social acceptance driving a steady increase in sales.

But now the established pornography business is in decline — and the Internet is being held responsible.

The online availability of free or low-cost photos and videos has begun to take a fierce toll on sales of X-rated DVDs. Inexpensive digital technology has paved the way for aspiring amateur pornographers, who are flooding the market, while everyone in the industry is giving away more material to lure paying customers.

Well, it was bound to happen. Everyone can't release a sex tape online without causing the demand to diminish. I guess I'm going to have to come up with another business model for my retirement.

Posted 6/02/2007 02:10:00 PM by Douglas

Federal accountants cook the books to hide the fact that the Fed is hemorrhaging money? Say it ain't so?!?

The federal government recorded a $1.3 trillion loss last year — far more than the official $248 billion deficit — when corporate-style accounting standards are used, a USA TODAY analysis shows.

The loss reflects a continued deterioration in the finances of Social Security and government retirement programs for civil servants and military personnel. The loss — equal to $11,434 per household — is more than Americans paid in income taxes in 2006.

Why should the government keep books like corporations keep books? I don't know of any corporation that is allowed to print more money when they run out. Ok, maybe MicroSoft. But $1.3 Trillion?!? I know there are other sources of government income besides personal income taxes, but how do you spend twice what you took in? Does the government spend money like a drunken sorority girl at Cancún for spring break with daddy's credit card? Sadly, yes. The solution:

The White House and the Congressional Budget Office oppose the change, arguing that the programs are not true liabilities because government can cancel or cut them.

Ha! That's freakin' hilarious! Tell 50 Million senior citizens they're cutting Social Security or Medicade. Tell the 30 Million farmers their subsidies are going away. The government can't cancel those programs because the people responsible have to get re-elected. But there is one solid fix:

Chad Stone, chief economist at the liberal Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, says it can be misleading to focus on the government's unfunded liabilities because Medicare's financial problems overwhelm the analysis.

"There is a shortfall in Medicare and Medicaid that is potentially explosive, but that is related to overall trends in health care spending," he says.

Catch that? We can't even begin to look at how dire the overall situation is because Medicare's "problems overwhelm the analysis." So let's just ignore it. Maybe it'll just go away, just like the value of our fiat dollar.

Posted 6/02/2007 12:38:00 PM by Douglas

Work smarter, not harder! Turns out we're all busting our collective arses just so we can waste more time.

American workers, on average, spend 45 hours a week at work, but describe 16 of those hours as “unproductive,” according to a study by Microsoft. America Online and Salary.com, in turn, determined that workers actually work a total of three days a week, wasting the other two. And Steve Pavlina, whose Web site (stevepavlina.com) describes him as a “personal development expert” and who keeps incremental logs of how he spends each working day, urging others to do the same, finds that we actually work only about 1.5 hours a day. “The average full-time worker doesn’t even start doing real work until 11:00 a.m.,” he writes, “and begins to wind down around 3:30 p.m.”

The average professional workweek has expanded steadily over the last 10 years, according to the Center for Work Life Policy, and logging 70-plus hours is now the norm at the top. And there are those of us who work even when we are at home, driving or worse. A poll conducted for Staples found that almost half of the small-business managers in the United States work during time meant for family, while 49 percent make business calls and check e-mail messages while behind the wheel; 18 percent read e-mail messages in the bathroom.

Efficiency doesn't really matter if you're still riding a clock. If you're stamping sheet metal in a factory, there's an incentive to be more productive, but if you're on salary and you're done by noon, you still have to sit around 'till five.

So how to reconcile the seemingly conflicting trends — the fact that we are working harder and wasting more time? A crotchety boss might say that we’re working longer because we’re wasting time, but the opposite may also be true. We are wasting time because we are working harder.

I'm sure that's probably the case. They would agree: